Son Rejoices When Dad Wins Sole Custody, Demands Mom Take Him In After Things Take A Turn
“Actions have consequences” is one of those truisms that can simply never be beaten. As a parent, it’s a vital lesson to instill in your children, but sometimes, for better or worse, experience is the only teacher that will make a lesson stick.
A woman wondered if she was wrong for not having space for her son after he picked his father and moved out. When he changed his mind years later, OP had already made some significant lifestyle adjustments. Bored Panda reached out to OP via Reddit and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Divorce and kids are a pretty complicated combination
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But one woman had an argument with her son who had moved out years ago and now wanted to come back
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Image credits: Scary-Literature-835
Managing a family after a divorce is a difficult balancing act
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This is one of those stories where it can be downright difficult to pick sides without further information. At the same time, like in so many very human arguments, there are possibly positive outcomes that the people in the argument do not see because it’s too close to their hearts. People will make decisions that make sense to them in the moment and might even be the “right” decision, without thinking about how it might make other people feel.
On the surface, it’s easy enough to see the mom’s perspective. Her son had a preference and she, ultimately, respected it, albeit not without a bit of a fuss. She moved on after a divorce and found someone new. Naturally, they moved in together and, as OP no longer had kids, she needed less space.
While perhaps it can be smart to plan some for the future, it’s perhaps not prudent to make significant real estate investments based on, for example, the possibility of one’s son having a change of heart. From OP’s story, it’s clear that she doesn’t maintain that much contact with her son, as he hardly knew what was happening in her life.
Some thought her actions were suspicious
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This is where some readers voiced concerns about OP’s story. She is somewhat vague about a number of things, including their relationship. This, naturally, leads to questions about why the son picked his father in the first place. It wouldn’t be the first time people twist facts to make themselves look better in family disputes.
As others have noted, as a mother, she still has some responsibility towards her son. This might, unfortunately for OP, require some lifestyle changes that she is not willing to make. Here we have a pretty classic conflict, where OP has to choose between caring for her son while also balancing the reality that he has to live through the consequences of his choices. While it might be easy to argue for kicking him to the curb, this young man has not had the easiest time and perhaps needs a lot more help and sympathy than, it seems, either of his parents are giving him.
OP should step up in this scenario
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After all, step-parents can be a wildcard, and there comes a point where an old enough child will start to realize that parents won’t always pick them over everything else. As other commentators have noted, this is her, perhaps only, chance to build a real bridge between herself and her son. Not helping him now could be the final straw. After all, the internet is awash with stories about adults who do not care at all about the kids they are responsible for.
OP might have to reopen this chapter of a book she perhaps wanted to move on from. It might be hard at first, but in the long run, it seems that this is also a chance to help this young man have a decent life and to reenter his life. He shouldn’t be made to suffer because his father made poor decisions.
Many people thought she was NTA
While some thought the entire situation was complicated
A few even called her out
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The people and even the "therapist" ignoring that shes in the process of BUYING A WHOLE DAMN HOUSE JUST FOR HIM is insane. But apparebtky she's nlt trying to be in his life or help him at all because that takes time.
This. She had no reason to expect him wanting to come back and sleeping on the couch is clearly a temporarily measure. But maybe the pregnancy was a shock for the boy as well and he was projecting dad's new GF's stance on his mum. Poor boy, feeling replaced by a new baby on both sides (not saying mum is replacing him, just indicating his possible POV)
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This woman is willing to sell her house to make room for her son but sleeping on the couch for 6 months is not good enough for him? Teenagers rebel, but the fact that he didn't even know his mom moved and hasn't met his sister is...odd. Although the onus is on the parents, I recently watched some documentaries about a boy with a personality disorder to the point where he was downright dangerous towards his family, who tried everything to help him. Yep, he ended up in jail for life after killing 2 people. This doesn't seems to be the case here, but sometimes parents can only do so much. I think we need to stop this cHiLdEn aRe PrEcIouS rhetoric and understand that all humans deserve dignity and children can be abusive, too. If he doesn't have underlying mental issues, then the parents failed to raise him right. The biggest AH in this (admittedly one-sided) story is the dad.
"Hey, Mom, I know I chose to live with Dad because Dad's house was more fun, and I literally skipped out on you during court-ordered visitations, but now Dad's isn't fun any more, so I need to come live with you again." - If Dad actually got awarded full custody, Mom is under no obligation to "have a room" in her home for the kid. 14 years old is plenty old enough to know that actions (and attitudes) have consequences (when he chose that Dad's house was more fun), and now that he's 16, do we really think he's going to be any more mature? And since OP has a new baby on the way, the teen's jealousy could go through the roof, and who knows WHAT he might do? I remember being 16; I was totally irrational as seen through the now-adult lens of my mind's eye. What I'm saying is an oversimplification, but I'd still be afraid for my newborn, were I OP. (Not that her older child will purposefully hurt the baby, but just... potentially irresponsible.)
I fear for the baby too, as the younger sister of a total narcissist who is now hated by her own daughters for the same manipuations and abuse I copped as a child, this can't be ignored. He is the same, me, me, me she has always displayed, couched in woe is me why is everybody so unkind. He is at an age where this is becoming an entrenched trait. He gets his way by appearing hard done by but does not have any time really or care for those He is manipulating aka. Only comes home to sleep in his entitled supplied room but doesn't care about mom's feelings when claiming he will run away if she tries to see him cos dad is more fun. Eff all that noise, I don't care that he is a teenager, teenagers are capable of the worst manipulations and bullying I've lived it and seen it plenty.
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Please stop telling people that children under 18 don't have fully developed brains if you convict under-18's to long times in prison yourself or even to death, even if they have a mental disorder. You ban abortion, but you don't put in place decent foster care, you focus on single mothers as a sign of the fall of civilization, but what about the dead-beat fathers. As always, the father is left out. He was the one who cheated and thereby causing the divorce. He got another woman pregnant without thinking so much about how this was going to impact the situation with his son. His girlfriend doesn't like his son: then why is he with her? He got awarded custody, it's his job first and foremost to look after his son first. He never should have gotten girlfriend pregnant, never should have moved in with her, never should have started anything with her. It's on him, not the mother, who did a darn good job. So all you ESH's and YTA's, stop blaming a woman for a man's selfishness!
I think all the ESH and yta commenters didn't read the whole post. They are literally offering to sell their current place and buy into a housing market that is definitely not on the buyers side right now to give him a room with them. But they are talking like she's just completely turning him away. The kid can sleep on a couch (or an air mattress) for a little while if things are really that bad at his dad's place, it won't hurt him any.
Agree. Complete asses for not getting the whole picture. Love the one who said she should buy a new house
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NTA. Look, I get that it's a kid and all. As she mentioned, she's willing to let him move back and find a bigger place. But after two years of basically him abandoning her and their relationship, you can't expect her to devote her entire life to him. That's what we want to expect of parents, but it's also just not rational. Not enough is being said about the father here. He has full custody and his child's adoration and he builds a situation in which there's no place for his son? The whole reason the son is pressing to get out is because of how terrible the father became. But no, let's put this all on the mother who was willing to go to therapy and fought to keep her kid and not the father who's actively abusing him and not doing a damn thing to fix the situation other than put the blame on the mother.
Son is being rude as hell. If that sofa isn't enough you could always direct him to any local homeless services. As a warning they can be few and far between. What a jackhole.
Definitely an entitled brat. I can't believe all the people calling the mom an AH! Was she supposed to put her life on hold until the kid turned 18 and got his act together? That would be absurd. He bailed on his mom, and even threatened to run away if she fought the dad having primary custody. Now she is literally uprooting her and her husband's life to buy a house just so the kid can have a room someplace else and the kid is pissed because it's not happening fast enough! It should not be happening at all. The kid is not homeless, just unhappy with his situation. Let him tough it out until he is an adult who can get a job and his own place. There are two AHs in this situation and it's not the mom.
WTF?? In NO way is this woman an a$$hole! Her kid is a spoiled brat who called her a b!tch when he didn't get exactly what he wanted. I certainly wouldn't be buying a house just to accommodate him. He's got to learn that his actions have consequences. I was perfectly capable of that when I was 16. He should be too.
I agree with the commenter who warned her that her son, as sad as that is, would be a danger to her infant daughter. He has absolutely no connection to his mom and no desire to come back to her. This wasn't her son's choice because he realised that his father isn't as great as he thought, father and son are still thick as thieves, he's solely resenting his step mom more than OP and that forces him out. This is a very dangerous situation for OP. Her son doesn't respect her one bit, and so far he's still as entitled and bratty as he was when moving out, firmly believing he's entitled to be catered to. He was given options, it's not like she didn't open the door, but he doesn't like them because he has to compromise. She can't take him in good conscience. If he moves in now, he'll make her life hell. He'll pile all hatred and everything that went wrong in his life onto her, and he'll try to 'punish' her for 'harming' him. He shows no sign of remorse or taking responsibility for his actions.
Do NOT buy a house just because he wants a room. As soon as he gets a better offer he will be gone. Do not uproot yourselves or spend your savings. Tell him calmly but firmly that his dad is responsible now - as they both wanted. He called you a b***h - I'm sorry to say this but I don't even think he likes you. Don't let him in - stress and conflict are no good for your baby and certainly not good for your marriage.
So the kid decides he just wants to stay with dad, pretty much giving mum the proverbial "HELL NO!", and then wants to come back crying after he's been given the boot by his stepmum??? On top of expecting mum to still have space for him when he rejected her??? HELL NAH, that's what I say. I seriously hope ESHers and YTAers get told they are hated by their kin and then still be expected to give them a living space. Then, like that miserable ingrate of a kid, only will they learn that not just actions, but also words have consequences. Bite the hand that is trying to feed, accept that the leg kicks you out after, harshly or otherwise. SMH!!!
OP mom sounds like she loved her son, worked hard to accept he didn’t want to live with her, and is willing to flip her life upside down to buy a new house to have room for him. The line “I had no expectation to ever need to house him again” doesn’t sound like she abandoned him, it sounds like she accepted his rejection, painfully. In other words, she let go of hope. She sounds like a good mom to me and maybe OP will realize that in the future.
Those saying ESH and YTA to the OP didn't read the whole thing. OP os working on buying a house and he can sleep on the couch and while that sucks the kid made his own bed. He wanted to live with dad now dad is no longer fun so let's be an entitled brat and hit up mom. People that insist well your the mom and need to take care of the kid, it sounds like she tried and the kid was an AH. Honestly I don't care that he's under 18, he wanted dad so he got dad and dad has full custody. If I was his mom I'd tell him tough luck go be with dad, so it's a good thing I never had kids. I would like to also point out if the genders were reversed a lot of those ESH and YTA would be more NTA cause well she's the mother so let's s**t in her but not the cheating ex husband.
NTA. The brat can't have it BOTH ways: live with his mother while treating her like what you avoid in a stockyard. You can't sow dandelion seeds and expect to reap sunflowers. He wanted to live with his dad; he got the whole package and didn't want it. Tough tarts. Mom has moved on and began a new life; her son should do the same. I wouldn't trust him around the other children; there's no telling what he would do to them in order in retaliation.
I feel for the kid here. It is hell being shuffled from one house to another. In my case it was my dad who was never really a dad, but then didn't want to be alone so wanted his kids part time. Didn't want to be there, it was a small, s****y apartment with a man who was physically and mentally abusive.
NTA your ex is a dirty bastardly AH. My understanding is the ex is living with a women who does not want the child around, she doesn't like him. The only thing your ex could do and be a good father is to move out of there. Iwould never be with anyone who treated my children like that. Teenagers can be complicated. I'm surprised he won't even sleep on the couch, his circumstances can't be as bad as he makes out. I think you are amazing and your current husband is exceptional. Moving your new family around to accommodate your son is incredible. You are doing what a good mother does. I hope when you buy a new house, if he moves on, that life will become normal. For him and you.
Sounds like its time to tell son, he's just like his p.o.s. father and they can talk again when he grows up.
It's sad when through a divorce everyone expects the kids to be adults. That divorce was a very adult situation with advanced-level manipulation. The kid was set up to fail and he made a mistake. There's supposed to be a safety net for him and there isn't room for his mistake so the net is gone.
There is a safety net...there are 3, in fact. He finds dad more Fun so HE burns bridges with mom and makes no effort to see ner to the point he has no idea what is happening in her life, she has a new child and partner plus a new home, he is clueless to this. He doesn't get along with new step mum, so HE has chosen to leave there, mom offers him couch and is buying a whole new freaking house to accomodate a 16 year old who threatened to run away at 14 if she went ahead with therapy and joint custody at 14. HE says no to this compromise because why didn't she maintain an empty shrine to him for 2 years? HE also has grandparents he is currently staying with till precious can have his own room with mom's new family. That's 3 households, all there for him and willing to take him in. No wonder he thinks so much only of himself, he is behaving like a spoilt prince whose minions are not up to his precious standards.
Load More Replies... Little şhit fuçked around and found out. He doesn't give a sĥit about his mom, he's just mad that Dad's house isn't "fun" anymore.
Sleeping on the couch is better than sleeping in your car, on the streets or in a place you aren’t happy, wanted or safe. I’m sure 6 months of that isn’t going to hurt you, child. Your mom will still feed you, help clothe you & ensure you’re as happy & healthy as possible, given the circumstances (& she IS trying to find a bigger home for you to have your own room). What more could you possibly ask of her?? 🤷♀️🫤
OP is trying to make room for her son by buying a new place. If thats not trying to make room for her son then nothing is going to be enough for some people. Also 16 year old are incredibly good at manipulating parents, he's trying to blackmail his mother into giving him everything he wants. Skills probably learnt from his father (going on what OP says) I expect she's made mistakes as well, that's what's being a human is all about. This is an incredibly messy situation and no matter what the mum does her son is likely to tell her it's not good enough.... after all he's 16 and is feeling abandoned
Let him go!! He already made up his mind on who he wanted to be his parent (only the father). Bringing him around your newborn will be too much stress or a burden on you starting a new journey in your life. He maybe your first born but he's been that far too long to the point he's gotten real comfortable with being an only child (spoiled brat). His father is legally obligated to take care of him going forward so that he must do whether the "stepmom" like it or not.
How many people here think that if Mom had ignored her sons wishes and continued trying to pursue a realationship, such as telling him she moved, got married, had a child (all things peoplehere are blaming her for), they would have called her obsessive. "He's 16 hes allowed to choose who to not have in his life. He doesn't want you." But since she respected his choice and didn't try to force the matter she abandoned him. No win scenario
So glad everyone here was mature, holding down jobs and doing their degrees before they were even sixteen. Nice to know most of you were up at 4am did thirty minutes of cardio followed by meditation. Sucks for the rest of us who were childish, selfish teenagers who would have taken the easy option because it was easy
She didn't tell him she moved and that's somehow the kids fault? I get that things weren't great, but obviously it was awful for him. Neither parent really wanted him, even though they fought for him - now they've both. Moved on to new families? Even if he was a difficult 14 year old, that is cold and selfish. Now the mom is making a big deal about I'll buy a house just for you, as if the kid hasnt been guilt tripped for years. Also it is in a other city, so I would think it's a hollow offer. His only support system has been friends and accepting housing means living far away from them and also complicating graduation/college. As an adult I know that can be fixed but as a kid it can seem insurmountable. Everyone AH, but the 16 year old has an excuse.
does it feel like despite his attitude, both parents kind of left him behind? He's a teenager, he is being irrational which is natural for his age group but I would have thought that considering how difficult divorces are you'd think he'd be mindful of essentially belonging to no one. and why is it that the father despite making things fun for his son, then moved in with a woman he didn't like? I just feel like both his parents have just gotten on and created new lives for themselves without him...?
I feel a bit sorry for the kid - because that's what he still is. His parents need to act like responsible co-parents and stop playing games with him as a p**n.
OP should not have bought a condo with no room for the son. I know he has said he never wanted to see her again, but kids are a******s and change their minds. The biggest problem, I see happened when the parents stopped co-parenting and let the kid dictate the situation. The father had an obligation to encourage visits with OP, to have him pull his weight. Teens look for the path of least resistance and exploit the bajeebers out of it. OP should have been in daily contact with the son. Seems everyone here gave up on each other.
She didn't buy a condo with no room for her son. They had a spare room they repurposed after the son refused to even talk to his mom, so he neither knew she had sold the house nor has he ever seen his unplanned sister, who now lives in that room. And I have seen how such situations play out in real life. She couldn't do anything with his father sabotaging any attempt to discipline the son. They filed for dole custody and won, because daddy had a boys will be boys attitude and enabled him, which he miked more than his moms parenting. After that point she had no more influence and won't have any even if he could move in. He's been poisoned against his mother by his father to the point of no contact, and still shows no affection for her. He'll be a nightmare if he moves in. And if she tries to rekindle, it'll be hell for her and harm her daughter. It's sad, but this was on the father. She's not at fault
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I think there's more going on with the Mom than she wants us to know.
YTA. All of this was completely predictable and is very common for teenaged boys who have divorced parents. The boy who wants to live with fun dad and then comes back to mom with rules once dad gets a new family is such a cliche. He’s was a child when he moved in with his dad and he’s a child now. OP should have prepared for this eventuality but she instead washed her hands of him to focus on her new family.
But... she offered him a place to stay, and is buying a house for him.
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The people and even the "therapist" ignoring that shes in the process of BUYING A WHOLE DAMN HOUSE JUST FOR HIM is insane. But apparebtky she's nlt trying to be in his life or help him at all because that takes time.
This. She had no reason to expect him wanting to come back and sleeping on the couch is clearly a temporarily measure. But maybe the pregnancy was a shock for the boy as well and he was projecting dad's new GF's stance on his mum. Poor boy, feeling replaced by a new baby on both sides (not saying mum is replacing him, just indicating his possible POV)
Load More Replies... This woman is willing to sell her house to make room for her son but sleeping on the couch for 6 months is not good enough for him? Teenagers rebel, but the fact that he didn't even know his mom moved and hasn't met his sister is...odd. Although the onus is on the parents, I recently watched some documentaries about a boy with a personality disorder to the point where he was downright dangerous towards his family, who tried everything to help him. Yep, he ended up in jail for life after killing 2 people. This doesn't seems to be the case here, but sometimes parents can only do so much. I think we need to stop this cHiLdEn aRe PrEcIouS rhetoric and understand that all humans deserve dignity and children can be abusive, too. If he doesn't have underlying mental issues, then the parents failed to raise him right. The biggest AH in this (admittedly one-sided) story is the dad.
"Hey, Mom, I know I chose to live with Dad because Dad's house was more fun, and I literally skipped out on you during court-ordered visitations, but now Dad's isn't fun any more, so I need to come live with you again." - If Dad actually got awarded full custody, Mom is under no obligation to "have a room" in her home for the kid. 14 years old is plenty old enough to know that actions (and attitudes) have consequences (when he chose that Dad's house was more fun), and now that he's 16, do we really think he's going to be any more mature? And since OP has a new baby on the way, the teen's jealousy could go through the roof, and who knows WHAT he might do? I remember being 16; I was totally irrational as seen through the now-adult lens of my mind's eye. What I'm saying is an oversimplification, but I'd still be afraid for my newborn, were I OP. (Not that her older child will purposefully hurt the baby, but just... potentially irresponsible.)
I fear for the baby too, as the younger sister of a total narcissist who is now hated by her own daughters for the same manipuations and abuse I copped as a child, this can't be ignored. He is the same, me, me, me she has always displayed, couched in woe is me why is everybody so unkind. He is at an age where this is becoming an entrenched trait. He gets his way by appearing hard done by but does not have any time really or care for those He is manipulating aka. Only comes home to sleep in his entitled supplied room but doesn't care about mom's feelings when claiming he will run away if she tries to see him cos dad is more fun. Eff all that noise, I don't care that he is a teenager, teenagers are capable of the worst manipulations and bullying I've lived it and seen it plenty.
Load More Replies... Please stop telling people that children under 18 don't have fully developed brains if you convict under-18's to long times in prison yourself or even to death, even if they have a mental disorder. You ban abortion, but you don't put in place decent foster care, you focus on single mothers as a sign of the fall of civilization, but what about the dead-beat fathers. As always, the father is left out. He was the one who cheated and thereby causing the divorce. He got another woman pregnant without thinking so much about how this was going to impact the situation with his son. His girlfriend doesn't like his son: then why is he with her? He got awarded custody, it's his job first and foremost to look after his son first. He never should have gotten girlfriend pregnant, never should have moved in with her, never should have started anything with her. It's on him, not the mother, who did a darn good job. So all you ESH's and YTA's, stop blaming a woman for a man's selfishness!
I think all the ESH and yta commenters didn't read the whole post. They are literally offering to sell their current place and buy into a housing market that is definitely not on the buyers side right now to give him a room with them. But they are talking like she's just completely turning him away. The kid can sleep on a couch (or an air mattress) for a little while if things are really that bad at his dad's place, it won't hurt him any.
Agree. Complete asses for not getting the whole picture. Love the one who said she should buy a new house
Load More Replies... NTA. Look, I get that it's a kid and all. As she mentioned, she's willing to let him move back and find a bigger place. But after two years of basically him abandoning her and their relationship, you can't expect her to devote her entire life to him. That's what we want to expect of parents, but it's also just not rational. Not enough is being said about the father here. He has full custody and his child's adoration and he builds a situation in which there's no place for his son? The whole reason the son is pressing to get out is because of how terrible the father became. But no, let's put this all on the mother who was willing to go to therapy and fought to keep her kid and not the father who's actively abusing him and not doing a damn thing to fix the situation other than put the blame on the mother.
Son is being rude as hell. If that sofa isn't enough you could always direct him to any local homeless services. As a warning they can be few and far between. What a jackhole.
Definitely an entitled brat. I can't believe all the people calling the mom an AH! Was she supposed to put her life on hold until the kid turned 18 and got his act together? That would be absurd. He bailed on his mom, and even threatened to run away if she fought the dad having primary custody. Now she is literally uprooting her and her husband's life to buy a house just so the kid can have a room someplace else and the kid is pissed because it's not happening fast enough! It should not be happening at all. The kid is not homeless, just unhappy with his situation. Let him tough it out until he is an adult who can get a job and his own place. There are two AHs in this situation and it's not the mom.
WTF?? In NO way is this woman an a$$hole! Her kid is a spoiled brat who called her a b!tch when he didn't get exactly what he wanted. I certainly wouldn't be buying a house just to accommodate him. He's got to learn that his actions have consequences. I was perfectly capable of that when I was 16. He should be too.
I agree with the commenter who warned her that her son, as sad as that is, would be a danger to her infant daughter. He has absolutely no connection to his mom and no desire to come back to her. This wasn't her son's choice because he realised that his father isn't as great as he thought, father and son are still thick as thieves, he's solely resenting his step mom more than OP and that forces him out. This is a very dangerous situation for OP. Her son doesn't respect her one bit, and so far he's still as entitled and bratty as he was when moving out, firmly believing he's entitled to be catered to. He was given options, it's not like she didn't open the door, but he doesn't like them because he has to compromise. She can't take him in good conscience. If he moves in now, he'll make her life hell. He'll pile all hatred and everything that went wrong in his life onto her, and he'll try to 'punish' her for 'harming' him. He shows no sign of remorse or taking responsibility for his actions.
Do NOT buy a house just because he wants a room. As soon as he gets a better offer he will be gone. Do not uproot yourselves or spend your savings. Tell him calmly but firmly that his dad is responsible now - as they both wanted. He called you a b***h - I'm sorry to say this but I don't even think he likes you. Don't let him in - stress and conflict are no good for your baby and certainly not good for your marriage.
So the kid decides he just wants to stay with dad, pretty much giving mum the proverbial "HELL NO!", and then wants to come back crying after he's been given the boot by his stepmum??? On top of expecting mum to still have space for him when he rejected her??? HELL NAH, that's what I say. I seriously hope ESHers and YTAers get told they are hated by their kin and then still be expected to give them a living space. Then, like that miserable ingrate of a kid, only will they learn that not just actions, but also words have consequences. Bite the hand that is trying to feed, accept that the leg kicks you out after, harshly or otherwise. SMH!!!
OP mom sounds like she loved her son, worked hard to accept he didn’t want to live with her, and is willing to flip her life upside down to buy a new house to have room for him. The line “I had no expectation to ever need to house him again” doesn’t sound like she abandoned him, it sounds like she accepted his rejection, painfully. In other words, she let go of hope. She sounds like a good mom to me and maybe OP will realize that in the future.
Those saying ESH and YTA to the OP didn't read the whole thing. OP os working on buying a house and he can sleep on the couch and while that sucks the kid made his own bed. He wanted to live with dad now dad is no longer fun so let's be an entitled brat and hit up mom. People that insist well your the mom and need to take care of the kid, it sounds like she tried and the kid was an AH. Honestly I don't care that he's under 18, he wanted dad so he got dad and dad has full custody. If I was his mom I'd tell him tough luck go be with dad, so it's a good thing I never had kids. I would like to also point out if the genders were reversed a lot of those ESH and YTA would be more NTA cause well she's the mother so let's s**t in her but not the cheating ex husband.
NTA. The brat can't have it BOTH ways: live with his mother while treating her like what you avoid in a stockyard. You can't sow dandelion seeds and expect to reap sunflowers. He wanted to live with his dad; he got the whole package and didn't want it. Tough tarts. Mom has moved on and began a new life; her son should do the same. I wouldn't trust him around the other children; there's no telling what he would do to them in order in retaliation.
I feel for the kid here. It is hell being shuffled from one house to another. In my case it was my dad who was never really a dad, but then didn't want to be alone so wanted his kids part time. Didn't want to be there, it was a small, s****y apartment with a man who was physically and mentally abusive.
NTA your ex is a dirty bastardly AH. My understanding is the ex is living with a women who does not want the child around, she doesn't like him. The only thing your ex could do and be a good father is to move out of there. Iwould never be with anyone who treated my children like that. Teenagers can be complicated. I'm surprised he won't even sleep on the couch, his circumstances can't be as bad as he makes out. I think you are amazing and your current husband is exceptional. Moving your new family around to accommodate your son is incredible. You are doing what a good mother does. I hope when you buy a new house, if he moves on, that life will become normal. For him and you.
Sounds like its time to tell son, he's just like his p.o.s. father and they can talk again when he grows up.
It's sad when through a divorce everyone expects the kids to be adults. That divorce was a very adult situation with advanced-level manipulation. The kid was set up to fail and he made a mistake. There's supposed to be a safety net for him and there isn't room for his mistake so the net is gone.
There is a safety net...there are 3, in fact. He finds dad more Fun so HE burns bridges with mom and makes no effort to see ner to the point he has no idea what is happening in her life, she has a new child and partner plus a new home, he is clueless to this. He doesn't get along with new step mum, so HE has chosen to leave there, mom offers him couch and is buying a whole new freaking house to accomodate a 16 year old who threatened to run away at 14 if she went ahead with therapy and joint custody at 14. HE says no to this compromise because why didn't she maintain an empty shrine to him for 2 years? HE also has grandparents he is currently staying with till precious can have his own room with mom's new family. That's 3 households, all there for him and willing to take him in. No wonder he thinks so much only of himself, he is behaving like a spoilt prince whose minions are not up to his precious standards.
Load More Replies... Little şhit fuçked around and found out. He doesn't give a sĥit about his mom, he's just mad that Dad's house isn't "fun" anymore.
Sleeping on the couch is better than sleeping in your car, on the streets or in a place you aren’t happy, wanted or safe. I’m sure 6 months of that isn’t going to hurt you, child. Your mom will still feed you, help clothe you & ensure you’re as happy & healthy as possible, given the circumstances (& she IS trying to find a bigger home for you to have your own room). What more could you possibly ask of her?? 🤷♀️🫤
OP is trying to make room for her son by buying a new place. If thats not trying to make room for her son then nothing is going to be enough for some people. Also 16 year old are incredibly good at manipulating parents, he's trying to blackmail his mother into giving him everything he wants. Skills probably learnt from his father (going on what OP says) I expect she's made mistakes as well, that's what's being a human is all about. This is an incredibly messy situation and no matter what the mum does her son is likely to tell her it's not good enough.... after all he's 16 and is feeling abandoned
Let him go!! He already made up his mind on who he wanted to be his parent (only the father). Bringing him around your newborn will be too much stress or a burden on you starting a new journey in your life. He maybe your first born but he's been that far too long to the point he's gotten real comfortable with being an only child (spoiled brat). His father is legally obligated to take care of him going forward so that he must do whether the "stepmom" like it or not.
How many people here think that if Mom had ignored her sons wishes and continued trying to pursue a realationship, such as telling him she moved, got married, had a child (all things peoplehere are blaming her for), they would have called her obsessive. "He's 16 hes allowed to choose who to not have in his life. He doesn't want you." But since she respected his choice and didn't try to force the matter she abandoned him. No win scenario
So glad everyone here was mature, holding down jobs and doing their degrees before they were even sixteen. Nice to know most of you were up at 4am did thirty minutes of cardio followed by meditation. Sucks for the rest of us who were childish, selfish teenagers who would have taken the easy option because it was easy
She didn't tell him she moved and that's somehow the kids fault? I get that things weren't great, but obviously it was awful for him. Neither parent really wanted him, even though they fought for him - now they've both. Moved on to new families? Even if he was a difficult 14 year old, that is cold and selfish. Now the mom is making a big deal about I'll buy a house just for you, as if the kid hasnt been guilt tripped for years. Also it is in a other city, so I would think it's a hollow offer. His only support system has been friends and accepting housing means living far away from them and also complicating graduation/college. As an adult I know that can be fixed but as a kid it can seem insurmountable. Everyone AH, but the 16 year old has an excuse.
does it feel like despite his attitude, both parents kind of left him behind? He's a teenager, he is being irrational which is natural for his age group but I would have thought that considering how difficult divorces are you'd think he'd be mindful of essentially belonging to no one. and why is it that the father despite making things fun for his son, then moved in with a woman he didn't like? I just feel like both his parents have just gotten on and created new lives for themselves without him...?
I feel a bit sorry for the kid - because that's what he still is. His parents need to act like responsible co-parents and stop playing games with him as a p**n.
OP should not have bought a condo with no room for the son. I know he has said he never wanted to see her again, but kids are a******s and change their minds. The biggest problem, I see happened when the parents stopped co-parenting and let the kid dictate the situation. The father had an obligation to encourage visits with OP, to have him pull his weight. Teens look for the path of least resistance and exploit the bajeebers out of it. OP should have been in daily contact with the son. Seems everyone here gave up on each other.
She didn't buy a condo with no room for her son. They had a spare room they repurposed after the son refused to even talk to his mom, so he neither knew she had sold the house nor has he ever seen his unplanned sister, who now lives in that room. And I have seen how such situations play out in real life. She couldn't do anything with his father sabotaging any attempt to discipline the son. They filed for dole custody and won, because daddy had a boys will be boys attitude and enabled him, which he miked more than his moms parenting. After that point she had no more influence and won't have any even if he could move in. He's been poisoned against his mother by his father to the point of no contact, and still shows no affection for her. He'll be a nightmare if he moves in. And if she tries to rekindle, it'll be hell for her and harm her daughter. It's sad, but this was on the father. She's not at fault
Load More Replies... I think there's more going on with the Mom than she wants us to know.
YTA. All of this was completely predictable and is very common for teenaged boys who have divorced parents. The boy who wants to live with fun dad and then comes back to mom with rules once dad gets a new family is such a cliche. He’s was a child when he moved in with his dad and he’s a child now. OP should have prepared for this eventuality but she instead washed her hands of him to focus on her new family.
But... she offered him a place to stay, and is buying a house for him.
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