Son Rejoices When Dad Wins Sole Custody, Demands Mom Take Him In After Things Take A Turn
“Actions have consequences” is one of those truisms that can simply never be beaten. As a parent, it’s a vital lesson to instill in your children, but sometimes, for better or worse, experience is the only teacher that will make a lesson stick.
A woman wondered if she was wrong for not having space for her son after he picked his father and moved out. When he changed his mind years later, OP had already made some significant lifestyle adjustments. Bored Panda reached out to OP via Reddit and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Divorce and kids are a pretty complicated combination
Image credits: Jesús Rodríguez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But one woman had an argument with her son who had moved out years ago and now wanted to come back
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Scary-Literature-835
Managing a family after a divorce is a difficult balancing act
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This is one of those stories where it can be downright difficult to pick sides without further information. At the same time, like in so many very human arguments, there are possibly positive outcomes that the people in the argument do not see because it’s too close to their hearts. People will make decisions that make sense to them in the moment and might even be the “right” decision, without thinking about how it might make other people feel.
On the surface, it’s easy enough to see the mom’s perspective. Her son had a preference and she, ultimately, respected it, albeit not without a bit of a fuss. She moved on after a divorce and found someone new. Naturally, they moved in together and, as OP no longer had kids, she needed less space.
While perhaps it can be smart to plan some for the future, it’s perhaps not prudent to make significant real estate investments based on, for example, the possibility of one’s son having a change of heart. From OP’s story, it’s clear that she doesn’t maintain that much contact with her son, as he hardly knew what was happening in her life.
Some thought her actions were suspicious
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This is where some readers voiced concerns about OP’s story. She is somewhat vague about a number of things, including their relationship. This, naturally, leads to questions about why the son picked his father in the first place. It wouldn’t be the first time people twist facts to make themselves look better in family disputes.
As others have noted, as a mother, she still has some responsibility towards her son. This might, unfortunately for OP, require some lifestyle changes that she is not willing to make. Here we have a pretty classic conflict, where OP has to choose between caring for her son while also balancing the reality that he has to live through the consequences of his choices. While it might be easy to argue for kicking him to the curb, this young man has not had the easiest time and perhaps needs a lot more help and sympathy than, it seems, either of his parents are giving him.
OP should step up in this scenario
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After all, step-parents can be a wildcard, and there comes a point where an old enough child will start to realize that parents won’t always pick them over everything else. As other commentators have noted, this is her, perhaps only, chance to build a real bridge between herself and her son. Not helping him now could be the final straw. After all, the internet is awash with stories about adults who do not care at all about the kids they are responsible for.
OP might have to reopen this chapter of a book she perhaps wanted to move on from. It might be hard at first, but in the long run, it seems that this is also a chance to help this young man have a decent life and to reenter his life. He shouldn’t be made to suffer because his father made poor decisions.
Many people thought she was NTA
While some thought the entire situation was complicated
A few even called her out
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The people and even the "therapist" ignoring that shes in the process of BUYING A WHOLE DAMN HOUSE JUST FOR HIM is insane. But apparebtky she's nlt trying to be in his life or help him at all because that takes time.
This. She had no reason to expect him wanting to come back and sleeping on the couch is clearly a temporarily measure. But maybe the pregnancy was a shock for the boy as well and he was projecting dad's new GF's stance on his mum. Poor boy, feeling replaced by a new baby on both sides (not saying mum is replacing him, just indicating his possible POV)
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This woman is willing to sell her house to make room for her son but sleeping on the couch for 6 months is not good enough for him? Teenagers rebel, but the fact that he didn't even know his mom moved and hasn't met his sister is...odd. Although the onus is on the parents, I recently watched some documentaries about a boy with a personality disorder to the point where he was downright dangerous towards his family, who tried everything to help him. Yep, he ended up in jail for life after killing 2 people. This doesn't seems to be the case here, but sometimes parents can only do so much. I think we need to stop this cHiLdEn aRe PrEcIouS rhetoric and understand that all humans deserve dignity and children can be abusive, too. If he doesn't have underlying mental issues, then the parents failed to raise him right. The biggest AH in this (admittedly one-sided) story is the dad.
"Hey, Mom, I know I chose to live with Dad because Dad's house was more fun, and I literally skipped out on you during court-ordered visitations, but now Dad's isn't fun any more, so I need to come live with you again." - If Dad actually got awarded full custody, Mom is under no obligation to "have a room" in her home for the kid. 14 years old is plenty old enough to know that actions (and attitudes) have consequences (when he chose that Dad's house was more fun), and now that he's 16, do we really think he's going to be any more mature? And since OP has a new baby on the way, the teen's jealousy could go through the roof, and who knows WHAT he might do? I remember being 16; I was totally irrational as seen through the now-adult lens of my mind's eye. What I'm saying is an oversimplification, but I'd still be afraid for my newborn, were I OP. (Not that her older child will purposefully hurt the baby, but just... potentially irresponsible.)
I fear for the baby too, as the younger sister of a total narcissist who is now hated by her own daughters for the same manipuations and abuse I copped as a child, this can't be ignored. He is the same, me, me, me she has always displayed, couched in woe is me why is everybody so unkind. He is at an age where this is becoming an entrenched trait. He gets his way by appearing hard done by but does not have any time really or care for those He is manipulating aka. Only comes home to sleep in his entitled supplied room but doesn't care about mom's feelings when claiming he will run away if she tries to see him cos dad is more fun. Eff all that noise, I don't care that he is a teenager, teenagers are capable of the worst manipulations and bullying I've lived it and seen it plenty.
Load More Replies... The people and even the "therapist" ignoring that shes in the process of BUYING A WHOLE DAMN HOUSE JUST FOR HIM is insane. But apparebtky she's nlt trying to be in his life or help him at all because that takes time.
This. She had no reason to expect him wanting to come back and sleeping on the couch is clearly a temporarily measure. But maybe the pregnancy was a shock for the boy as well and he was projecting dad's new GF's stance on his mum. Poor boy, feeling replaced by a new baby on both sides (not saying mum is replacing him, just indicating his possible POV)
Load More Replies... This woman is willing to sell her house to make room for her son but sleeping on the couch for 6 months is not good enough for him? Teenagers rebel, but the fact that he didn't even know his mom moved and hasn't met his sister is...odd. Although the onus is on the parents, I recently watched some documentaries about a boy with a personality disorder to the point where he was downright dangerous towards his family, who tried everything to help him. Yep, he ended up in jail for life after killing 2 people. This doesn't seems to be the case here, but sometimes parents can only do so much. I think we need to stop this cHiLdEn aRe PrEcIouS rhetoric and understand that all humans deserve dignity and children can be abusive, too. If he doesn't have underlying mental issues, then the parents failed to raise him right. The biggest AH in this (admittedly one-sided) story is the dad.
"Hey, Mom, I know I chose to live with Dad because Dad's house was more fun, and I literally skipped out on you during court-ordered visitations, but now Dad's isn't fun any more, so I need to come live with you again." - If Dad actually got awarded full custody, Mom is under no obligation to "have a room" in her home for the kid. 14 years old is plenty old enough to know that actions (and attitudes) have consequences (when he chose that Dad's house was more fun), and now that he's 16, do we really think he's going to be any more mature? And since OP has a new baby on the way, the teen's jealousy could go through the roof, and who knows WHAT he might do? I remember being 16; I was totally irrational as seen through the now-adult lens of my mind's eye. What I'm saying is an oversimplification, but I'd still be afraid for my newborn, were I OP. (Not that her older child will purposefully hurt the baby, but just... potentially irresponsible.)
I fear for the baby too, as the younger sister of a total narcissist who is now hated by her own daughters for the same manipuations and abuse I copped as a child, this can't be ignored. He is the same, me, me, me she has always displayed, couched in woe is me why is everybody so unkind. He is at an age where this is becoming an entrenched trait. He gets his way by appearing hard done by but does not have any time really or care for those He is manipulating aka. Only comes home to sleep in his entitled supplied room but doesn't care about mom's feelings when claiming he will run away if she tries to see him cos dad is more fun. Eff all that noise, I don't care that he is a teenager, teenagers are capable of the worst manipulations and bullying I've lived it and seen it plenty.
Load More Replies...
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