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When I was about 7 years old, my father brought me to his work to sing Christmas carols to his colleagues. I was thrilled to get them into the holiday spirit (and loved the attention of having everyone listen to my beautiful voice), so I belted out each song loud and proud. And while singing Feliz Navidad (a classic), I confidently sang the line “prospero año y felicidad” as “prospero baño y felicidad”. If you’re not familiar with Spanish, instead of “year”, I was saying bathroom.
As mortifying as this experience was for child Adelaide, it’s a great story to tell today. And apparently, it is incredibly common for kids to hilariously misunderstand adults. Reddit users have been sharing the common words and phrases they misunderstood as children, and their stories are much more hilarious than mine.
We’ve gathered some of the best ones down below, including some you may be embarrassed to admit you can relate to, so be sure to upvote all of your favorites. Let us know in the comments if you or your little ones were ever confused by any of these terms or sayings, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring adorable ways kids misunderstand adults, look no further than right here.
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#1
Euthanize. I thought it was youth-anise, and meant to make someone younger. Telling gramma she needed to be Euthanized did not go over well during Christmas dinner
TheElderNom 3 years ago
I told my grandfather I had to hug him since he was dying soon. He lived another 25 years and was in good health. My parents had apparently told us to be calm and not make a lot of noise since grandma and grandpa are older and don't have as much energy. Cue three hour car ride to think it over and he was dying. My parents got a nice quiet car ride however, from me at least.
KDav 3 years ago
I remember not understanding why, if the young Asian people were killing people who were sick and old, no one was stopping them. Like, if your grandparents were old and in the hospital, why wouldn't you just stop any Asian people from going into their room. Seemed like a common sense problem to me.
patricia patricia 2 years ago (edited)
My friend's little sister asked her why God was dirty. Nobody understood the question, so she repeated it a couple of times, getting more and more frustrated. Finally she exploded: "well, we sing in Mass every Sunday that song that says 'vamos a lavar al Señor' (let's wash the Lord), so, why is he dirty???" Everybody split their sides laughing. The song says "vamos a alabar al Señor" (let's praise the Lord). "B" and "V" sound the same in Spanish, so she was convinced poor God needed a shower.
RELATED:
#2
When I was young my father said to me:
"Knowledge is Power....Francis Bacon"
I understood it as "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon".
For more than a decade I wondered over the meaning of the second part and what was the surreal linkage between the two? If I said the quote to someone, "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon" they nodded knowingly. Or someone might say, "Knowledge is power" and I'd finish the quote "France is Bacon" and they wouldn't look at me like I'd said something very odd but thoughtfully agree. I did ask a teacher what did "Knowledge is power, France is bacon" mean and got a full 10 minute explanation of the Knowledge is power bit but nothing on "France is bacon". When I prompted further explanation by saying "France is Bacon?" in a questioning tone I just got a "yes". at 12 I didn't have the confidence to press it further. I just accepted it as something I'd never understand.
It wasn't until years later I saw it written down that the penny dropped
Balso Steele 3 years ago
Damn, you guys are really digging into the bottom of the barrel. This was originally posted in 2010.
Kat Min 3 years ago
Stuff like this never gets old. This one really made my day.
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Snorkeldorf 3 years ago (edited)
When my niece was young, we had a family board game night and played Trivial Pursuit. We gave her easy questions or hints to help. It was not her turn, but the question was "who wrote Broca's Brain?" The answer is Carl Sagan. My niece looked at us like we were crazy and said "He wrote a book and BROKE HIS BRAIN?"
April Dancer 2 years ago
My great niece loves the minion movies and thought Despicable Me was 'tickle tickle me' which I think is a far nicer name.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago (edited)
Found out it's the name of person who coined that phrase.
#3
Growing up Catholic, there were times in Mass when the congregation would say "Thanks be to God". Well I heard "Thanks Speedy God" and assumed we were applauding his fast delivery on prayers.
* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
you have my condolences for your tea, table, and/or clothes
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similarly 3 years ago
Reminds me of a joke. Little boy comes home from Sunday School saying "Mommy, Mommy! I know God's name! They taught it to us at Sunday school! They said "Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name."
Russell Rieckenberg 3 years ago
Reminds me of the Dave Allen joke. As a kid, attending a funeral, he thought the priest said; "In the name of the Father, the Son, and into the hole he goes."
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Puppy prints ️ 3 years ago
when the choir would sing Hosanna in the highest, I heard lasagna in the highest 😅
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
In the name of the Father and of the son... and into the hole he goes!
Wondering Alice 3 years ago
I was confused by "the piece of God which passes all understanding" like we were supposed to understand most of him except one little bit
#4
Death Sentence.
I thought that the executioner actually spoke a sentence into your ear that killed you if you heard it. I figured that's why he wore a hood, so that no one could read his lips.
Greta Kolding 3 years ago
There was a Monty Python sketch in which somebody wrote the world's funniest joke and everybody who read it instantly laughed themselves to death.
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
Absolute classic https://youtu.be/FBWr1KtnRcI
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WeatheredRobot 3 years ago
This sounds like an knock-off of Death Note, actually. . We should make this anime... With blackjack! And hookers! ... I miss Futurama:(
#5
When I was a young lad, I was helping my Grandpa with chores around the barn. When we cleaned up, he brought out an air compressor to blow out the dust on the floor, he would call this a "Blow job" and would say s**t like, "C'mon, Tantantheman74, let's give this barn a blowjob!" Come Monday morning, my kindergarten teacher asks me what I did on the weekend, to which I replied, "Oh, Grandpa and I did a blowjob in the barn!" My momma told me this story the other day and I am honestly not even mad at that joke, Grandpa is a clever old bastard.
Dynein 3 years ago
It happened in kindergarten but her mother knew about it. I'm sure questions *were* asked... and answered, and everyone calmed down.
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Robert T 3 years ago
That's alright. My mum always gets a blowjob at the hairdressers. BlowDRY. The word is BlowDRY.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
My friend bought her husband a blowtorch. He told everyone in the office next day she'd given him...
Load More Replies... April Dancer 2 years ago
I don't know how long ago this happened, but years ago it was a completely different time. People knew that these things were jokingly said of misheard and not something to call in the police/social services. (Kids who actually were abused would never have said anything)
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OmBoyGanesh 3 years ago (edited)
When I was little and my food was too hot, my adults told me to blow on it. It became a thing that when this happened I’d blow in an exaggerated manner. Like I was trying to blow out birthday cake candles. When asked what I was doing, I’d always reply with, “it’s too hot to handle so I’m give ‘em a blow job.” People must have thought it was hilarious because no one corrected me until a friend in 5th grade explained to me what a a blow job was. From then on out, I referred to my foods as “he” and “him,” thinking it was funny when I’d say, “he’s so hot I’m gonna give him a quick blow job.” It wasn’t until a holiday with extended family did someone decide I wasn’t allowed to say that anymore.
#6
When I was five years old my dog ran away. One night while the dog was still missing, I overheard my mother say the following while cutting a roast: "This is one tough puppy". I FREAKED out. Nothing she said could convince me that she hadn't cooked my beloved dog. Lucky for her, my dog came home that night.
glowworm2 3 years ago
Thank goodness the dog came home before you carried that belief with you for the rest of your life.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
Some time or other they would have learned what the phrase meant. But the emotional damage would have already been done.
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#7
My dad was a lawyer and when I was about 9 this boy in class said angrily, 'you're going to be a prostitute when you're old!' I thought he meant prosecute and assumed it was a law job and I nodded my head enthusiastically, ' Yes! Yes! I'm gonna be a prostitute and work for my dad' Following day my parents had one of those formal after school meetings and I only recently connected the dots.
Miocha 3 years ago
A lil bit OOT, but 9 years old boy cursed at at girl to be a prostitute is a different level of sadness
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
You gotta wonder who he learned that from, which gets even more depressing.
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unfilteredCigarette73 3 years ago
I knew what it meant at that age, but only because I was an odd child who liked to read the dictionary every morning with my breakfast
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Kriss Ambers 3 years ago
To be fair, I thought it was some sort of government job until I was 12. It sounds like one!
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
My son (7) came home the other day and told be about someone calling someone else something. It had to do with pmrostitudes, although I can‘t remember which word it was. (That‘s a legal profession here btw). So I explained to him in broad terms what Sex is and what a prostitute does and that, in past times, they were thought to be beneath others because of their profession but that times have changed and you do not go about using any of those terms as insults.
#8
Don Quixote. I misunderstood it as "Donkey Hotay" and thought it was about the adventures of a donkey named Hotay.
Daniel Atkins 3 years ago
I saw that makes me wonder if he attacks windmills.
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Auntriarch 3 years ago
Well so did I. Unfortunately I also saw a book in the library that I thought was called Don Kwixot. I was well into my teens before I made the connection
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
I know a guy who thought Man of La Mancha was Spanish for Man of the Match
#9
I always thought Alzheimer's disease was "Old Timer's disease." Mostly because it happened to old timers and that made sense to me.
Nunya Business 3 years ago
That's what a lot of people call it. It's actually a well know misnomer for Alzheimer's.
SlothyK8 3 years ago
I have a friend who STILL pronounces it this way, even after her mom died as a result of Alzheimer's. She cracks me up....she mangles SO many words and it's so entertaining.
MouseyMouse 3 years ago
If her mom died of Alzheimers, she might have a memory/brain problem too. A friend of mine struggled with words a lot. Turns out she has aphasia and legit cannot get the words right.
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Michael Largey 3 years ago
I have Sometimer's Disease. Sometimes I remember, and sometimes I forget.
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#10
I thought "Amen" was said at the end of a prayer to mirror what God would say when he looked down, "Aaah! Men".
The Radio Demon 3 years ago
"AHH!! MEN!! They're still here?? Me dammit!"
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just another teen 3 years ago
I think with the current state of how people act he actually might
Wayne Gossman 2 years ago
When I was a kid I went to a Lutheran church where we had things we would recite each week. One was “Lord, forgive us our sins, for which we are “heartily” sorry.” I heard “hardly” and understood that I was confessing to being so sinful I was hardly sorry for it.
#11
I always thought that Right Said Fred's song 'I'm Too Sexy' was about his love for the number 264.
I'm... two sixty four. My shirt: two sixty four. My car: two sixty four. Etc.
Anne Jones 3 years ago
Mis hearing song words is hilarious. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UiuygmkHuA
AVGucky 3 years ago
🎶"Footloose, pet goose Picked a fight with a moose Cheese, stiff breeze Watch out! There are ten bees!"🎶
Load More Replies... Casey Horn 3 years ago
i thought he just paid $260 for everything he had. 260 for my shirt.. 260 for my car.
Rebel Jade 3 years ago
I used to think “annie are ok” was “Annie are you walking” 🥲 my mom made me look up the lyrics when she heard me singing smooth criminal
Nonna_SoF 3 years ago
It gets worse. Annie are you okay. Is a phrase used by paramedics training to deal with rape victims.
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Nika Strokappe 3 years ago
In the Netherlands weer used to have a "mama appelsap" (mommy apple juice) in the radio, where people could call and explain a song that you could miss hear and they would then play the song. There are some pretty hilarious ones, and some songs I cannot even hear normally anymore. 😂
Erin Grant 3 years ago
My misheard song as a child was Madonna's Material Girl. I thought she was a Cheerio girl living in a Cheerio world.
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
Called "Mondegreens." Look it up... misheard lyrics can be a total hoot! "Oh Oh Lizard on a chair, take my hand, we're naked I swear, oh oh, Lizard on a chair!" or "You give love a band aid..."
Timbob 3 years ago
First time I heard Tommy Leonetti sing, it was in multiple voice. For years, I thought He was a trio. Tommy, Lee and Eddy.
Joy 3 years ago
Watched Grease as a kid and thought Olivia Newt and John made perfect sense.
Load More Replies... #12
I thought they were called 'girl cheese sandwiches' and wondered why since boys ate them too.
Callie Krisel 2 years ago
Oh my gosh I thought I was the only person who thought this, and then my friend and me went to a restaurant and he ordered grilled cheese and I told my mom, “ why is he ordering girl cheese, it’s only for girls!” And then she told me 😂 I was probably about 5-6
#13
When I was six, I understood what the phrase "_____ nut" (health nut, fitness nut, etc) meant, but I assumed you could swap out the word "nut" for anything else and it would still make sense. So one day, when my mother wasn't letting me have enough cookies, I called her a "nutrition horse." This would have been fine EXCEPT I had a speech impediment and couldn't pronounce the letter "s" at the time. So I ended up, quite literally, calling my mother "a nutrition wh**e." It took me 12 years to realize why she had been so mad about that one.
Queen Jackson. 3 years ago
Don’t wanna be that person, but parents really need to communicate to their children what’s the issue.
lauralett50 3 years ago
Oops! But,she should have realized what you said/ meant ; being she knew you had the speech impediment. Not your fault.
Jami Stewart-Laycock 2 years ago
My oldest was 2 and saw a huge display of Barbie horse and carriage sets of I remember correctly. He YELLED Mommy it's whores it's whores mommy look whores just as 3 young ladies walked by and I about lost it when they tried to be offended. I said you may be pretty but the 2 year old wants the Barbie whore not y'all...
#14
I thought women took actual showers with their babies at baby showers. My mom kept asking me if I wanted to go with her to one and I always said no because I didn't want to share a shower with my mom and people think I was a baby. Later I learned its because you get "showered" with gifts and I was sad about all the chicken salad I missed out on.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
A rain shower means you get showered with rain. A snow shower means you get showered with snow. Fortunately a baby shower doesn't work that way..
Carl Denzler 3 years ago
The shower part had me a little bit confused as a boy. And especially because only women went to them. The strange part was in always happened at church.
#15
Not only as a child, but wellllllllllll into adulthood - only to be corrected by my wife and forever mocked since - I swear to god I thought it was "endsmeat" as in a really cheap meat dish.
*we were so poor we couldn't make endsmeat*
Rebel Jade 3 years ago
I have fat fingers and did NOT mean to downvote you 😭
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the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
I worked at a deli when I was a teenager. You couldn't sell the ends of a roast beef to a customer, so I'd make my lunch out of it. Ironically, "endsmeat" was truly the best part. (We'd also "face" the meat and cheeses each morning, to remove the part that got slighly faded and dried by being exposed to the air and lights.)
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
Seriously? Who downvoted this? You're voting to have me banned from BoredPanda because...?
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Beck 3 years ago
A few months ago my husband had to take his driving test again. Long story. But when I mention 10 and 2 hand positions he said yeah snd showed me. He puts left hand at 10 and right hand at 12. Showing literally 10oclock. Then right hand at 12 then left hand at 2 showing 2 o'clock. I laughed so hard. Your left hand goes on 10. Right on 2. Period. You don't have to show the o'clock!
AVGucky 3 years ago
That "o'clock-thing" is very funny! Hope test went well!
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Chris Kane 3 years ago
huh never considered this one myself, why would we say "ends meet" like make the "ends" of the month (payday) "meet" by having cash left over?
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
"Meet" is a corruption of "mete", which means "equal". When you can't pay your bills, you can't make your income column in your ledger equal to your expenditure column. So the ends of the two columns aren't mete.
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#16
For some reason I thought the word "sucker" was a compliment. One time a lady at the bank gave me a lollipop and I said, "A sucker from a sucker, right Mom?"
Iconic 3 years ago
BHAHAHAHAHAH 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Reviewer UK01 3 years ago
I thought "horrendous" was a positive word and my parents asked what I thought about a major home improvement. Yikes
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
To be fair, between "horrific", "terrific", "awful" and "awesome", it's not too easy to be sure you got the English adjectives right
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LinkTheHylian 3 years ago
"Right.", said mom, walking out of the bank with $500,000 that was not hers.
#17
"If 'so and so' is going to go jump off a bridge, are you going to go to?"
My mom said this to me when I wanted to do something just because my friend was going to go do it. I took it literally and was really excited to go bridge jumping. I put on my swimsuit and packed a little beach bag, went downstairs and asked my mom if she was ready to take me over to her house to go bridge jumping.
Mokayokok 3 years ago
Is that "Awwww bless your heart" coming from someone that lives in the Southern States, U.S.?
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Dirk Daring 3 years ago
No mom, I wouldn't. But you know what? Going to the bowling alley won't kill me the way jumping off a bridge would. I just want to spend some time with my friends. (Spoiler alert: Presenting this logic to my mother did not produce the desired result.)
Random Okapi 3 years ago
I've always had a problem with the version of this that goes, "If everyone is jumping off a bridge, are you going to do that?" Because in real life, the answer may well be, "Yes." Because if EVERYONE is jumping off a bridge in real life, it's most likely because staying on it is going to get them killed. It's collapsing, or a plane is about to crash into it, or something.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Now I'm wondering how long it took the mother to stop laughing. XD
#18
Guerilla warfare: the first few times I heard this, I imagined the army was giving machine guns to great apes.
Beeps 3 years ago
Understandable, given how many people pronounce it to actually sound like “gorilla” especially in English speaking countries.
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago (edited)
When I first heard the term “guerilla marketing” (I work in marketing) I did not make the connection and kept wondering why everyone was so insistent on gorillas when we’re in the car industry - I actually asked in a meeting if they were trying to go for a gorilla-theme or gorilla mascot 😅 sigh
Load More Replies... Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
I always thought there were trained Gorilla soldiers with machine guns and grenades.
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
Thank you so much. I couldn't understand why gorillas kept pulling people out of trucks and making them join their war.
#19
I thought when you moved somewhere, you had to find a person in that town who needed to move to your town and then swap homes with them
Anne Jones 3 years ago
That can happen in the UK if you are a Council tenant. It’s called a housing exchange.
Yvette Desmarais 3 years ago
There are people for that. The real estate agent or landlord, depending on whether you rent or own. On long drives I used to pretend all the people going the other way had already been where we were going and we're heading back.
#20
I thought mental as in "You're mental." meant sane so when a kid in third grade said that to me I looked him dead in the eyes and said "Yeah, I am." I only realized much later that it probably made me look even more unhinged.
Keira Holland 2 years ago
When I was seven I was at my next door neighbors house and we were listening to music (roar by Katy perry) and I sang “I am the chair person” instead of “champion” bc I couldn’t understand the song but I heard my mom say that word once and my neighbor just gave me the weirdest look ever and I didn’t understand why until a year later 😭
#21
My dad's friend said his hairline was receding. I thought he meant "re-seeding", like he was growing more hair. I said, "Hopefully it doesn't seed too much. You don't want to look like a werewolf."
Robert T 3 years ago
I wish. It just migrates South and starts coming out of your ears and nose. :(
The Radio Demon 3 years ago
Here's a tip: whatever you lose, grow on your lip.
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#22
For the longest time when I was little I used to think "Jesus Christ!" was "cheesy crust"... I was pretty confused in church. It wasn't until halfway through first grade did I actually confront my mother about it and ask why they kept talking about toast.
Tofu 3 years ago
church would've been way more enjoyable if they had actually talked about cheesy crust
Isabelle Drinkwater 3 years ago
I used to say Cheeses Crust when i was little because I wasn’t allowed to say Jesus Christ
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
We weren’t allowed to say it in school so we would say “cheese is sliced!!”
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* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
thats funny but now that makes me want to get them to serve cheesy crust at communion
LinkTheHylian 3 years ago
Jesus' last name is "Hong". I saw a baby tell his talking dog this after he met Jesus once.
#23
When I was like 5 or 6, one of my dad's friends said that he was going to get a boxing match on *pay-per-view*, and I asked, "Why do you want to watch it on paper? It would look better on TV."
* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
i have to agree with you here that would be fun
Load More Replies... Bob La Capra 3 years ago
The 11 year old son of a friend lamented how many newspapers he had to deliver on his paper out
the engineer 🇺🇦 3 years ago
some animator had a whole video on misunderstandings they had. this was one of them
* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
omg lolll how would you watch something on paper? like a flipbook or something?
#24
I used to think that news reporting of a "body" or "bodies" being found or recovered excluded "head". I was horrified that all of these corpses had been beheaded and the heads were still missing.
PurpleUnicorn 3 years ago
In Ireland they call them "remains", you never know whether it's a complete corpse, a skeleton or anything in between until it comes to court or inquest, if it ever does.
Iconic 3 years ago
The person thought that when the police found bodies they only found the bodies and they never found the heads
Load More Replies... LinkTheHylian 3 years ago
Let the bodies without heads hit the floor! And let Ichabod Crane deal with them!
#25
I always thought "Euthanasia" was "Youth in Asia" and couldn't figure out why it was a big controversial issue. Yeah there are kids living in asia, so what?
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
This was a routine done by the great Gilda Radnor when SNL was superior! There's another one about violins in school
#26
I thought "human being" was "human bean" because of my parents' accent. Was always confused as to why I was a bean.
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
My father is a gamer and one time he was playing something and said oh wow that’s a ‘bfg’ (as in big freaking gun) and I was confused like dad there’s no giant anywhere. I was like nine too lol.
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Non-binary cat (they them) 2 years ago
ok understandable but why a photo of Shibuya crossing??
#27
When I was little, I thought "drinking and driving" meant the physical act of drinking a beverage, not just alcohol. One day when I was 6 I told my mother not to drink and drive while she sipped a Diet Pepsi and she just laughed at me
* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
i've never been able to say drinking without having to tell someone what i'm drinking for fear of them thinking i've been drinking illegal alcohol (example - person: what took you so long? me: i was drinking. them: but you're under 21!! OR person: what took you so long? me: i was drinking... apple juice! i was drinking apple juice.)
Russell Rieckenberg 3 years ago
When I was about six, my mother was eating a sandwich while driving, which made me nervous because I knew that eating or drinking, one of those two, while driving was illegal and I wasn't sure which.
April Dancer 2 years ago
And you were right on both counts. She shouldn't have been doing either of those things whilst driving.
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kathyberthahazel 3 years ago
My kids thought the same and were really upset when I popped open a soda in the car. So funny!
#28
I thought everyone lived to the exact same age. Like my brother taunted me for being three years younger than him, but in my mind it was no sweat because I was gonna be alive for 3 years after he died.
Panda Mona 3 years ago
When my sister turned five, I was three. Same year, I turned four, so I thought that, over time, I can catch up with her ...
#29
My school had us selling chocolate bars as a fund raiser. I thought the guy was calling it a FUN raiser. I was very confused as to how this was supposed to be increasing the level of fun at the school. If anything it was making me have less fun.
Saige Benes 2 years ago
I understand where your coming from but I sold chocolates for my choir and my peers and I had a lot of fun
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Mya Lugar 2 years ago
I started getting a lot of calls when I didn'y have my phone on me, so I decided to return one and got someone saying "Thank you for calling the 'funraising center"! At least that's what I thought he said, until I listened to the whole speil geared toward donating to a charity. I was confused about what was fun about that, and hung up! I must have a hundred blocked calls on my flip phone now...every time I hear what sounds like a bubble popping, I hang up before the "fun raising center" wastes it's pre-recorded breath.
#30
I thought for a couple months when I was young that when you said "it's a quarter past five" it meant 5:25 since a quarter was 25 cents. I proceeded to use dime and nickel to reference time
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
There's a YouTube clip about a guy complaining about only getting fifteen minutes on a parking meter when he paid for a quarter hour. You can tell by how fast he understands his mistake when the reporter contradicts him that he's not actually an idiot, but wow, did he feel like one.
ZombieSushi386 3 years ago
I honestly thought this for longer than I probably should have, but in my defense I have dyscalcula and still have trouble with telling time and numbers in general.
#31
Simply Prima donna I had never seen it writen down and was convinced it ment a time before Madonna was born
Heather Talma 3 years ago
I thought it was "pre-Madonna" as in "someone who will or thinks they will become like Madonna". I had very little idea of who Madonna actually was.
#32
When I heard phrases like "smoking kills" as a kid I genuinely thought you would just drop dead randomly. So when my dad would be smoking his cigarette I would start crying because I thought there was a chance he would just up and disappear.
Panda Mona 3 years ago
Kids take everything literally. When we stayed in a hotel and I wanted something from the minibar, my mom used to say that this was to expensive for us. So I understood that all our money wouldn´t be enough to buy that candy bar ... so it must have been made of pure gold :-)
* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
haha that would be better than suffering from lung cancer for 20 years (thankfully this post was not written from experience)
#33
I used to mix up terrorist and tourist when I was younger and whenever I went to a foreign place I'd say "I'm a terrorist!"
Greta Kolding 3 years ago
You would never have been allowed into the USA, even if you were only 3 yo
Thorsten Massow 3 years ago
Growing up in a tourist region, we kids offen called those pesty tourists terrorist because of their entitled behavior.
April Dancer 2 years ago
Our local paper actually printed an article with the headline 'man arrested for distributing tourist information'. Someone heavily relying on Spellcheck there!
Reviewer UK01 3 years ago
I mixed up guerre (war) with grève (strike) with interesting consequences during a train strike
#34
Pubic - always thought it was'public' and it just never made any sense....
Nenya 3 years ago
Hahaa, if we turn it around, it could actually be used…? You’ve got your public and non-public hair😁
Scp_049 3 years ago
The public hair being the head and facial hair, right?
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T. Unnamable 3 years ago
There was a "Public Oil" company down the street and I always mispronounced it...
Waco Bayless 3 years ago
I knew a woman who actually called it public hair. She thought that was what it was called.
#35
Black and white videos/pictures, I thought that people used to only see in black and white and that I was lucky to have the ability to see all the colours
Greta Kolding 3 years ago
Children often believe that the world used to be in black and white when they see old films and photos.
New Everywhere 3 years ago
The Wizard of Oz didn't help me with this either
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Mav Mav 3 years ago
I was born in another country and came to Australia when I was 7. All my family's photos of our country were in black and white. I now dream scenes from my old country and they're always in black and white. So strange!
Soul_Fox 2 years ago
I always thought that certain places had no color, like, when I watched the wizard of Oz, I thought that Kansas was black and white, while where I lived was in color. When my parents told me this wasn't true, I just then thought that the world back then had no color, and the world had only just gotten color
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
By definition, colours are those frequencies of light that are visible to the human eye.
Load More Replies... over it already 3 years ago
Oooh... I'm currently reading The Giver to my kids at dinner. Interesting sameness vibes.
#36
God Bless You.
I always heard people just say it quick and assumed for the longest time it was "gablesh you."
I was definitely not raised religious.
Psychopathic Shark 3 years ago
I always thought it was bleshoe and though it was something to do with shoes
Anonymouse 3 years ago
My family says "gesundheit" (Yiddish for "good health", basically) and when I was little I thought it was "cousin kite."
Heidi Jones 3 years ago
Gesundheit is German for "Health" formed by gesund (healthy) and heit (-hood)
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Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Reminds me of when adults would pretend to sleep when I was a kid and they would say 'horseshoe, horseshoe' fast to sound like they were snoring.
ZombieSushi386 3 years ago
I used to think that the stereotypical fake snores in cartoons etc. sounded like "honk shoe" to this day I will use the phrase honking shoes to mean snoring.
* ~ l a s a n y a ~ * 3 years ago
of course you werent otherwise you would be punished for that.
#37
Keep your nose clean. There was a line in a movie I was watching when I was six that was something like, "He's involved in all these illegal things but somehow still manages to keep his nose clean." and I thought it referred to nose picking so I thought it was hilarious. Like, this guy is super busy being a criminal but he still finds the time to mine for nose gold.
Bec 3 years ago
I read a book where a girl was told to 'hold her tongue ' which I took literally and tried to do
Caitlin M. Maguire 2 years ago
My dad once told my grandma in the car, "hold on to your stomach". Me at 4: *holds onto stomach*.
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#38
i thought for a very (almost too long) time that an "only child" was pronounced "lonely child" because they had no siblings.
Pound Cake 3 years ago
No one: Arthur: “It’s ‘ONLY child’, DW. A ‘lonely child’ is what you’re going to be when I sell you.”
#39
Somehow I understood that mannequins in department stores were made from real people. My mom couldn't understand why I stayed so close when we went shopping
Ace 3 years ago
There was an episode of the 1960s series "The Avengers" where this was the main plot line; maybe you saw that some time as a kid?
Lydia Holmes 2 years ago
Anybody here know who no noggin from curious George is? If not, it is basically the headless horseman without a horse. When I was little I had a terrible fear of things without heads or random detached heads. I would not watch curious George, I would not go in stores because there might be headless mannequins, I would not go to Cracker Barrel because there is always a deer head on the wall and I was afraid there was some headless deer wandering around. Any busts would terrify me and anything without a head would scare me to death. Nowadays I have rational fears of headless things. (still scared to death about anything sleepy hollow related tho)
#40
"When I was growing up". Adults use it to refer to their childhood, but I didn't understand that childhood to adulthood was a gradual transition. I thought it was a "Mario mushroom" type event that occurs at some point, only lasting a few seconds, and that all these "when I was growing up" stories all happened in those few seconds.
Jaya 3 years ago
As an aunt, I swear this is actually true. My little niece just seems to be so much taller every time I see her, even if I just saw her the other day.
Moyd Shank 3 years ago
I used to believe that that the reason there commercials on TV was so Tarzan could go the bathroom. My mother cracked up over that until the day she died.
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
I kept asking my mom when I was going to get boobs. When was I going to get boobs? And then overnight, bam. There they were. Welcome to adulthood
ZombieSushi386 3 years ago
I can relate. I was 10 and already a d-cup before my mom realized.
Load More Replies... #41
Getting fired meant that you were set on fire.
I think I’m hilarious 3 years ago
For the longest time I thought that being sacked meant they put you in a sack and threw you out the door. I was extremely disappointed to learn the actual meaning
Mav Mav 3 years ago
Disappointed?!? You rather be put in a sack, mister??
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Stardust she/her 3 years ago
Yep. Same here. In first grade due to shitty planning on the school’s part, I cried a lot during my performance Grandparent’s day as my dance partner was absent and I wasn’t even informed untill the dance started so as I didn’t know what to do back then I started crying. My grandfather saw me crying and later on told me that he shouted at the teachers ang got them fired. For the rest of my childhood i thought he set my teachers on fire.
tuzdayschild 3 years ago
It comes from medieval times when villagers would get together and set fire to the house of a neighbor they all wanted to get rid of. The family got fired.
#42
I was very sure you could milk all animals like a cow. I have vague memories of trying to milk a dog
Alexandra Davis 3 years ago
I mean it's a mammal so technically you can milk a dog, in fact I've seen vet shows where they have milked a dog with a breast pump to feed a puppy with a cleft lip who couldn't latch on.
Mav Mav 3 years ago
Don't you be minimising his heinous act, Alexandra - don't you dare!!
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the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
Forgotten English vocabulary: a "beast" is an animal you can milk, a mammal. Hence, rabbits were beasts, but not lizards or birds or fish.
Beth Sheerin 3 years ago
This is true though? You could milk a dog if they had recently had a child. The only difference is cows' children get taken away and/or killed so the cows can't give their milk to them. Stupid humans.
#43
I though the phrase "God forbid" was "God for bid"... going once, going twice, SOLD!!!!
#44
Seconds. I walked up for more birthday cupcakes after already having seconds and asked for minutes
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
Not actually a wrong definition of "seconds." A minute is a minute ("my-newt") part of an hour. A second is a minute part of a minute part of an hour, or a "second minute" part of an hour. Eventually, this was abbreviated to simply "second."
#45
When space shuttles launched they would roll after takeoff to better orient the cockpit for navigation and communication. it was called a "roll program." if you listen to tapes of the launches you'll hear the astronauts say "initiating roll program" and then from mission control they say "Roger roll, Discovery" or whichever shuttle it might have been. Anyway as a kid I thought they were saying "rock and roll" as in "f**k Yeah! You're headed to SPACE."
#46
I used to think adults were called dults, and if you were referring to one of them you would say a dult.
Tracy Butler 3 years ago
Change the u to an o and you weren’t wrong…there’s plenty of adults that are dolts ;)
Sheena Leversedge Wood 3 years ago
that doesn't happen if you're British. because it's a harder A. like the A on Atlas or Adolf.
#47
I overheard reporters talking about the Gulf War, which I assumed was the golf war. I imagined guys lined up drilling gold balls at each other.
#48
Skinny dipping. I thought it was just a fancy name for diving. It is not. 9 year old me was quite embarrassed when my stepdad explained it to me, by yelling across the yard "skinny dipping means swimming naked, and you're not doing that!" We were at the house of a friend of his from work, and dude had an 11 year old son that I sort of had a crush on.
#49
There was a hymn they always sang at my Catholic church when I was little, I don't know if it's a common one but I imagine it must be since they seem to all pull from the same songbook. This song had a line in it, "here in the house of the Lord," and I thought it was the f*****g coolest thing ever that out of all the churches in the world, God lived in ours. It seemed strange to me, since I knew there were fancy ones in Europe that looked prettier, and there were probably some in Jerusalem that Jesus taught at, but it was in the song, so it must be true, right? I decided that the reason he picked our church must be that the pews have cushions, compared to all the wooden ones at other churches I'd visited. God and the angels need a place to sleep, obviously, so that had to be a reason. I figured when mass was in session and people were sitting and farting on their beds, they were probably all invisible, flying around way up high near the pinnacle of the ceiling where the cross was hung. Lots of time on Sundays was spent squinting and turning my head to the side to try and see them out of the corner of my eye or something. Then I heard that song sung in a different church, and I realized the mistake I'd made. That was a real revelation in my life.
Jack Harris 2 years ago
Well, he hasn't been paying rent. So… exorcism, anyone?
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#50
When I was 10, my sister told me that my grandmother quit smoking "cold turkey". It wasn't until high school when I embarrassed myself telling my friend to try eating cold turkey to help quit smoking that I knew what it really meant
Widdershins66 3 years ago
I thought you were going to say that you thought your gradmother had stopped "smoking cold turkey". Lol,
#51
I thought blisters were a punishment for wearing your shoes on the wrong feet and that if you did the blister truck would catch you and hit your feet with the blister stick. "Wear your shoes on the right feet or they'll give you blisters" Mom meant the shoes. My paranoid over active 5 year old brain pictured some sort of terrible ice cream truck that doles out punishment.
#52
I thought "excruciatingly" meant "extremely." I learned it from Pinky and the Brain, but didn't quite get the context. So, for a few weeks there, apples were excruciatingly big, and candy was excruciatingly delicious
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
When you get older, you'll learn that some candy is excruciatingly delicious.
#53
I thought the transformers were 'Robots in the skies'
King Joffrey 3 years ago
It's 'robots in disguise' but as a kid I thought the song went "Transformers: Fire in the Sky". Made sense as they came from space...
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#54
My friend thought that Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover" was actually "Apartheid Lover". I had just learned about apartheid and was then pretty sure he wasn't right.
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
For my sister it was the line from Flashdance. Take your passion and make it happen turned into take your pants off and make it happen. So specific.
#55
I thought that all cats were "girls" and all dogs were "boys."
gas station cola 3 years ago
i honestly have no idea how the "all cats are girls, all dogs are boys" belief starts in kids & how it can persist for so long. i've met 8 year olds who believe it. have they never had friends with pets? never met a male cat or a female dog before?? absolutely baffles me.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 3 years ago
way back in the UK there were pet food treat ranges. the dog one was called "Good boy" and the cat one was called "Good girl" and it always annoyed me because our cats and our dogs were all boys, and I thought it was stupid.
Lilly's Mom 3 years ago
Me too! AND, I thought if you called out to any random dog "here doggy!" they would come because they must know they're a dog....
#56
Tuesday. I had a teacher pronounce it as chooseday. So naturally I thought we got to choose what we wanted to do for the day.
Kiss Army 3 years ago
I have 3 years to go and am looking forward to my own choosedays!
Load More Replies... #57
I would get prostitute and protestant mixed up all the time as a child. I had no idea what prostitute was and I didn't understand why people would laugh when I tried to convey that I was protestant.
Natasha Tomes 3 years ago
I thought hangover meant a really bad headache. I suffer from migraines and as a kid I once told someone I had a hangover, I was also in church at the time.
#58
I never understood what was so bad about taking things for granite.
#59
I thought Worship was War Ship and my imagination ran wild with thoughts of an epic battle raging for an hour and then everyone went home and relaxed the rest of their Sundays. Such was not the case.
Nonna_SoF 3 years ago
Pictured is USS Texas. He oldest battleship still afloat. She's currently in drydock. She was barely staying afloat thanks to the hard work of her crew and volunteers. The State of Texas has nearly let her sink a few times from lack of funding only to spend even more money drydocking her in critical condition.
Luke Branwen 3 years ago
I'm a writer and this is an outstanding idea for a fictional religion.
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
It took me forever to sort out the religious uses of the word, "host," which includes (1) an army (2) a friend at whose home you are staying, (3) that which is offered as a sacrifice. For so many years, I thought using the term for the food eaten at mass was meant to say that what was in the form of bread served as a place in which God dwelt. It wasn't until I asked a theology professor about whether that seemed more like the Lutheran concept of consubstantiation than the Catholic concept of transubstantiation. Yes, it took me to the point of discussing consubstantiation vs transubstantiation to get the concept of host vs host right.
Nonna_SoF 3 years ago
I mean when those 14" shells are coming in on the enemy. Come to think of it BB-35 once fired on a sniper. A single sniper that was giving the troops ashore a hard time.
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#60
I must have only been about 4 or 5 at the time, but I overheard someone use the word 'necessarily'. I thought they were talking about the company Sara Lee, and couldn't understand why the company didn't advertise their full name of Nessa Sara Lee. I remember next to nothing from that age, but that's one thing that never left my mind. I thought about it constantly to the point that I'm now 26 and can remember my little child self pondering that question from time to time. I can't remember when exactly I realised what had happened, but I do remember that I felt like quite an idiot.
#61
I thought the 7 in 7up was a T, so referred to it as 'a can of tup' until I was 13
Nadine Debard 3 years ago
I called it Zup (knowing the real name) because come on, that's a Z 😀
MARCOS FERNANDEZ ESPIN 3 years ago
In my country a lot of elderly people used to think the '7' was a Z, so they said "zup." In Spanish, it would sound like "thoop"
#62
My sister used to think that when someone was "buried" they were actually "berried" and covered with a bunch of berries
#63
Snapshots. I knew getting snapped with a rubber band hurt, and obviously getting shots was worse. So I imagined they involved some kind of terrifying rubber-band-propelled syringe.
#64
Once... Twice... Several = seven times
Bob La Capra 3 years ago
1 = one. 2 = a couple. 3/4 = a few. 5/6 = quite a few. 7/9 = several. 10 or more = a lot / quite a lot depending on what it is. I knew someone who said quite a little when he meant quite a lot. Always had to look at the context.
#65
"A coma". I thought it was like a section of the hospital, like ICU, called "acoma". "Uncle Jerry is in ICU, Aunt Elaine is in acoma."
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
Ever go to an "I see you" and get told that the doctor will see you now?
#66
In the Pledge of Allegiance I thought "Whichit Stands" was a place.
#67
I would cry when I got punished and would tell my mother that I would try harder to "have" (long A) She eventually told me that it was "to behave" and not "be have."
Bob La Capra 3 years ago
I once told a toddler to behave to which he replied "I am being have."
#68
"Elemeno P" instead of " L M N O P". I thought an "elemeno" P was a special version of the letter P
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago (edited)
I think that's cute. Also made me rl-lol.
Load More Replies... gas station cola 3 years ago
very very common mistake, i think every kid thought this while learning the alphabet song & only learned the truth when the had to actually *write* the alphabet. that's why teachers are changing the way they sing the song to teach kids, so they can properly hear & understand the letters
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Yeah the song does have some problems (one of which, as an Aussie teacher, is how many kids sing z the American way). The song I usually used was called Phonics song, rather than alphabet.
Load More Replies... #69
"Lactose intolerant" was "lacks tose and tolerance" to me as a 5th grader. I assumed that lacking whatever "tose" was meant that you were a d-bag who doesn't like milk.
#70
On the weather report I always thought the wind-chill was the wind-shield
Bob La Capra 3 years ago (edited)
The Winchell factor. I briefly thought that winzelby was a meteorological term: "winzelby from the north at 5 to 10 miles per hour."
#71
I didn't realize John Lennon was a different person than Lenin the Soviet Premier as the names are pronounced almost the same and both had a huge impact in the 20th century. The world made a lot more sense once that one got cleared up!
setsuriseikou 3 years ago (edited)
There is a Soviet anecdote about Lenin trying to speak to the public, but everyone thinks he's Lennon and people are chanting "Len-non, Len-non!" and he tries to explain that no, he's Lenin, not Lennon, but nobody listens, so he is like "oh, f*ck you all, tovarischi, yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."
#72
I called people boners until I was like six. Someone had said it around halloween and I assumed it was something to do with spooky skeletons. I got a laugh any time I called someone a boner, which kind of reinforced it until one of the older kids gave me some context.
King Joffrey 3 years ago
This makes a lot of sense. We call people d***s so it follows a boner is an ever bigger d.
Jennifer Sheppard 2 years ago
I had a teacher (older man) who'd say he "popped a boner" when he did something dumb. I always giggled until I learned that's actually what it meant originally.
#73
I thought that when waitstaff asked "soup or salad?" they were talking about "supersalad."
I think I’m hilarious 3 years ago
That’s such a lose - lose question. Soup or cake?, Much better!
tHeBoRdEsTpAnDa 3 years ago
Anyone else remember that scene in one of the superman movies where the waiter asks him 'soup or salad' and he's like 'a super salad? hahahahaha I'll just have a regular salad please. A REGULAR SALAD FOR A REGULAR MAN'
#74
This actually continued up until fairly recently. I always thought "to each his own" was pronounced "du ee chu zoh" and just assumed it was french or something
#75
Bob wire. I still mess up "barbed wire" to this day.
#76
The machine is "out of order" always sounded like the machine was "out of water". I assumed arcade games and coin operated candy machines needed water to work
#77
When I was very young I used to think the newscasters were saying "We'll be back after these mess-a-juice" instead of messages. I dont know why.
#78
I used to think Volleyball was Balleyball
What do you think ?
Panda in the Fake South 3 years ago
I know no one ever looks down here but anyway. When I learned that plants were alive I threw a full on occupy the back yard when my dad was mowing the grass. I layed down crying and screaming and refused to move because I thought he was hurting the living grass. He had to drag me inside and told me it was like giving the grass a haircut.
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
A visual pun: my brother used to think that Winnebagos had a swimming pool on the roof, because of the pool ladder up the side.
Greta Kolding 3 years ago
My childhood home was on a dirt road and I often thought how nice it would be if it was asphalt. My dad explained that asphalt was put on in patches. Somehow my 3 year old brain had the idea that you could do it with a piece of cloth (a patch) and decided I might do it one day if I found the time.
LapCat 3 years ago (edited)
Once when I was really little, I vividly remember my mom driving my brother and I through a torrential downpour to get home. There was a large puddle in the road in front of us. My older brother said “mom, just drive through it!” To which mom replied “no, my car will STOLE!” She was saying “stall” but her accent made it sound like STOLE. So for my 5-year-old self, the word “stall” was not yet in my vocabulary and I was left terrified that someone would emerge from the puddle and steal our car if we drove through it.
Dynein 3 years ago
There's a typical southern German greeting: "Grüß Gott". The sloppy pronunciation always sounded to me (and still does!) like "Friss Gott" (devour god). Though I always understood that no-one could possibly really mean that, so I assumed that "friss" in that context must have another meaning that I was unaware of.
René Sauer 3 years ago
The german word for the intestine is Darm. A stomach bug (With diarrhea and stomach-ache) Is a magen-darm-infekt. As a Kid I always thought It was Magen-Dame-infekt and thus something only women would get.
No Name 2 years ago
Women-only diarrhea and stomachaches? That's a thing. They're called period sh!ts. And they suck because you don't really get any relief in the moment even if they totally gut you. You just keep cramping for the rest of the day.
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Panda in the Fake South 3 years ago
I know no one ever looks down here but anyway. When I learned that plants were alive I threw a full on occupy the back yard when my dad was mowing the grass. I layed down crying and screaming and refused to move because I thought he was hurting the living grass. He had to drag me inside and told me it was like giving the grass a haircut.
the Return of Bruno 3 years ago
A visual pun: my brother used to think that Winnebagos had a swimming pool on the roof, because of the pool ladder up the side.
Greta Kolding 3 years ago
My childhood home was on a dirt road and I often thought how nice it would be if it was asphalt. My dad explained that asphalt was put on in patches. Somehow my 3 year old brain had the idea that you could do it with a piece of cloth (a patch) and decided I might do it one day if I found the time.
LapCat 3 years ago (edited)
Once when I was really little, I vividly remember my mom driving my brother and I through a torrential downpour to get home. There was a large puddle in the road in front of us. My older brother said “mom, just drive through it!” To which mom replied “no, my car will STOLE!” She was saying “stall” but her accent made it sound like STOLE. So for my 5-year-old self, the word “stall” was not yet in my vocabulary and I was left terrified that someone would emerge from the puddle and steal our car if we drove through it.
Dynein 3 years ago
There's a typical southern German greeting: "Grüß Gott". The sloppy pronunciation always sounded to me (and still does!) like "Friss Gott" (devour god). Though I always understood that no-one could possibly really mean that, so I assumed that "friss" in that context must have another meaning that I was unaware of.
René Sauer 3 years ago
The german word for the intestine is Darm. A stomach bug (With diarrhea and stomach-ache) Is a magen-darm-infekt. As a Kid I always thought It was Magen-Dame-infekt and thus something only women would get.
No Name 2 years ago
Women-only diarrhea and stomachaches? That's a thing. They're called period sh!ts. And they suck because you don't really get any relief in the moment even if they totally gut you. You just keep cramping for the rest of the day.
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