Men Were Asked To Share Their Thoughts On Body Dysmorphia And They Deliver 30 Honest Answers
Mental disorders affect everyone. Young or old. Rich or poor. Male or female. However, when it comes to various body and eating disorders, some internet users feel like men tend to be sidelined almost entirely while everyone focuses almost exclusively on women’s issues.
Redditors have been discussing male body dysmorphia on the r/AskMen subreddit after a user asked them how they feel about the issue being sidelined when compared to anorexia or bulimia. You’ll find what they had to say below, Pandas.
Body dysmorphic disorder, also known as body dysmorphia or BDD, is a mental health condition. Those suffering from it spend a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance, most of which aren’t noticed by others. It’s a condition that mostly affects teenagers and young adults, both male and female. There’s a lot of overlap between BDD and eating disorders, however, they aren’t exactly the same. You’ll find Bored Panda’s interview about how the pressure to conform and be ‘perfect’ can lead to various disorders with an expert in the field below.
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My whole family sat me down when I was 12 to tell me that I was getting fat.
This was months after I told them that I was being bullied and didn't know how to handle it.
My dad is also a PhD psychologist.
Companies like Dove are all about using plus sized female models to encourage woman to feel good about themselves which I completely support, BUT when was the last time you saw an underwear ad for men with a male model that wasn't muscular with chiseled abs? It's completely hypocritical.
Yesterday, I saw a multivitamins drug on the table with a very hot model on the pack. Made me think, 'will I get as hot if I keep using this drug?' No, but that's the rationale behind that. Companies only use good looking people for ads and all. And sometimes, they use plus sized models, models with skin conditions, celebs, influencers, etc if that's what resonates with people and sells their product. It's just a play on human psychology. It's a pity that so many people fall for that. 'He has chiseled abs. Must be the underwear he's wearing. I'll have ten please.'
Body dysmorphia is definitely a thing for guys with real consequences especially the teenage years. Boys and Girls both start noticing their body changing around teenage years and start compring themselves to the "hot kids" at their school. I have a 17 year old brother who's been a serious athlete since he was little. He measures his food by the gram every meal and is obsessed with nutrition and performance. We're talking a sub 5 minute mile and 20-something miles endurance runs everyday. The little f*cker has abs for days but is never satisfied! ALL he would talk about is how the top kid on his cross country team looks like this and runs this fast woopty-woo yadda, yadda.. He's going to the Olympics etc. None of that bothers me as much as when he skips meals as a punishment for going out to dinner for our dad's birthday or refusing to eat even his normal low calorie stuff as a punishment to "make up" for something. It's like he didn't even think he was skinny at 119lbs 5'8". I was frustrated with him but I could tell something was off. He didn't realize how he looked and was chasing an impossible goal. He finally broke down one day and admitted his hunger and pain from over working his body. It was the worst feeling I've had talking with him about it but I'm glad he opened up. He's doing much better and even gained some weight after deciding to personalize his fitness goals and is even running a little faster now while maintaining his weight. He's a talented kid and I love him very much and will always be proud of the little sh*t. I thinks it's a mistake to compare the experiences of body dysmorphia between the sexes while trying to figure out if one's worse than the other. It's probably mostly similar for everyone. It's good to have fitness goals and work hard for them but not at the cost of your physical health and sanity. I don't think you have to treat people special because they're experiencing these issues but it's a good idea to be supportive of recovery, positively, if you can. Me personality couldn't give less of a f*ck about my body tbh.
So many male sports normalize what are really eating disorders. Wrestling is one that comes to mind with the constant weigh ins. I knew people who used to run miles in trash bags to sweat off "weight"
There is quite a lot of common ground between body dysmorphia and eating disorders. For example, people with eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia and those suffering from BDD can be overly concerned with their appearance, weight, shape, and size. They can also obsessively check their weight and appearance in the mirror and exercise excessively (though some avoid mirrors altogether). Researchers estimate that around 12 percent of people with BDD also have anorexia or bulimia.
Some people suffering from body dysmorphia can worry quite a lot about specific areas of their bodies, whether it’s their faces, hips, thighs, hair, or any other part. They also spend a lot of time comparing their looks to those of others and trying to conceal their ‘flaws.’ Body dysmorphia can affect your daily life, lead to depression, and even to thoughts of self-harm.
A female friend of mine STRONGLY believes that body dysmorphia and insecurities are solely a misogynistic and patriarchal issue that only affects women. Man, it’s so frustrating to talk to her about that. As a guy who has had severe body dysmorphia since before high school, I try to tell her that it affects men equally as well. But she still believes that society’s ideals for a perfect body are unfairly imposed on the females ONLY and that males don’t have to deal with such insecurities and expectations.
Maybe not ONLY, but in a much more targeted and emphatic manner. You don't see a lot of tshirts or bumper stickers that say 'no fat guys'. But plenty that say 'no fat chicks'. Or similar sentiment.
A lot of guys hate their bodies. Hell just trawl through the threads around here and look at all the ones convinced their life is a mess because they're short, bald, ugly, can't grow a beard, can't get a six pack or whatever. Hell plenty just want to be skinny like so many women.
I'm not sure what, if anything, there is to be done about it but it's definitely there.
its really upsetting how men feel like they cant talk to people about their issues. Like, its hard no matter what gender you are, but men are 'supposed' to be strong, and that shows through
This is SO true... as a younger person.. I went to the gym 6 days a week... lifted literal TONS of weight... ran endless miles... ate a perfect diet... to all my supplements... and I was in GREAT shape... BUT.. I did not look like Captain America when he first steps out of the pod... so I felt like a soft fat f*ck... I never attained the unattainable physique (for me) and so I felt ugly and weak.. when I could literally do 200 pushups without breathing hard and run 5K in 22 minutes... Body Dysmorphia in Men is real and a real problem.
At 6'4" and 165 pounds, I was the classic skinny weakling when I was 20 years old. Complete with low body self image issues, I started exercising trying to make my muscles big, with little change. I hated the competition with bulky men's body types. What completely changed my mind was going through the Rolfing deep tissue body work therapy. That is the first time I learned that there are different structural body types and that no matter how much exercise I did I would never be the budging muscled thick body type. And I learned that having a structurally balanced body with unfrozen muscles was a better functioning body than a musclebound gorilla body type. I also learned that with women, the skinny tight assed narrow pelvic body type actually hinders a women's sexual pleasure as compared to a wider pelvic body type. After these realizations, exercise became more for health maintenance instead of some stupid competition with other men's body type.
The pressure to conform to socially ‘approved’ or ‘perfect’ body images can result in various psychological issues, including dangerous eating disorders. Catherine Cook-Cottone, a Professor of Counseling, School and Educational Psychology at the University at Buffalo, told Bored Panda that social pressure and the exposure to ‘perfect’ body images on social images can contribute to the development of various disorders.
Catherine noted that society tends to have a rather narrow view of eating disorders, many people believing that it’s just women who succumb to them. This is simply not true. Just as men can develop body dysmorphia, they can also develop eating disorders that tend to be viewed mostly from the female perspective in society.
I think a lot of it has to do with how little the general public knows about steroid use. I’ve known tons of people that have slightly above average natural physiques that cruise control low dose test. While their physiques were absolutely obtainable naturally, they weren’t obtainable with their lifestyles. The average person sees their physiques and assumes that with enough work they can eat whatever they want and drink three days a week and look like them. I don’t think people realize how many people are on steroids because they associate it with huge bodybuilders.
There’s also the fact that because people’s favorite actor/strength athlete doesn’t admit to steroid use, they assume their physique is hard work and dedication. There are literally people on Eddie Hall’s YouTube comments claiming that he is natural.
I don’t think male body dysmorphia is taken seriously because there’s a large percentage of the population that just isn’t aware of it.
I don't think it's steroids. I remember reading an article about Hugh Jackman where he talks about how his body looks in movies Apparently it's all about dehydrating your body to the point of almost passing out and then they start the cameras. Same thing with bodybuilders.
If a man tells his therapist that he's experiencing body dysmorphia, hates his body, etc. then he'll be taken seriously the same way as if a woman did.
The problem is that men just aren't talking to therapists, or anyone else, about their issues. At best they're turning inwards, engaging with bad faith "bro science" communities full of grifters.
I would guess this is similar to the toxic "thinspo" culture that targets women with eating disorders online and encourages the behavior
I am not going to disagree that these aren't issues, they definitely are. Men have many issues that aren't as focused on as they are with women. Mental illness, abuse, and even cancer. Men have societal expectations that are toxic also. All of these should be taken seriously. However we as men need to change, for that to happen. We can't blame women for it and in some ways we can't even blame societal expectations.
We live in a patriarchal society. I think we are shifting away from that, but slowly. I know men have a tendency to scoff, when women complain about that. The irony is that patriarchal society, that we as men created and fueled for centuries, wasn't just toxic for women, but men. We still control most things, like media, money, and most of society. We are to blame. We could have more of these. Women have all of their support groups and causes, because they spoke up. They said we aren't going to take this. They banded together for their causes. They even created change with their pockets. They got involved and banded together.
We have to speak up about our fights with things like mental illness, eating disorders, and abuse. We can cry and have emotions. We can be sensitive and insecure. All of those things are ok. We have to change. We can't blame societal expectations, because in many ways, we put those on ourself and we continue to propagate them. We in a way created this mess and have to fix it. I know this all sounds man hating in a way. It's not. We have so much potential. We just need to be the change. Society would be all the better if men banded together to stop toxic masculinity.
I don't know, part of me thinks we would have a better society, if men realized they are part of the problem, but also part of the solution.
Just my two cents.
“Men are also at risk for disordered eating. The risk appears to be somewhat lower, but that does not mean that it doesn't happen. Anorexia nervosa is a very dangerous disorder with a relatively high mortality rate when compared to other disorders. It is dangerous to assume that men are not also at risk as you might miss supporting someone who desperately needs support,” she told Bored Panda that assumptions can cause a lot of harm to those people who need our support the most.
According to Catherine, a combination of medical, psychological, and nutritional care can help a person tackle their disorder. “This three-armed approach should be a team that is willing to work together, consult with each other and support your recovery. For some people, they may need day treatment or inpatient care—your team will know what is right for you,” she said that reaching out for help is something we shouldn’t be afraid to do.
One of the most important things I have learned is I can only be the best version of myself. I will never have facial hair, a strong chin, or huge muscles it’s just not in the genes. So I focus on things I can control and make those aspects the way I want them (nice hair, lean frame, clear skin etc). Spending time and effort on an impossible task will only lead to frustration and disappointment.
I agree but also it's important to remember men can also suffer from eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.
Men are often overlooked and dismissed when it comes to mental illness in general, body image issues are no different in that regard. Increasing awareness and destigmatizing mental illness and body image issues among men is important. There is also a major need for male focused resources, support groups, and services. There are groups out there doing great work towards guiding men into healthier lifestyles but they are constantly in need of volunteers and support.
Men having self esteem issues doesn’t get enough attention in society. Frick man I remember my sophomore year of college being filled with self esteem issues.
One good example: I had a huge crush on a coworker of mine that year. We always talked on shift and had deep conversations. I would try to flirt with her, but she made it pretty clear she wasn’t interested. At that time, I had horrible acne on my forehead and between my eyebrows. I tried changing my diet, exfoliating, over the counter acne medicines. None of it worked. I wound up going to a dermatologist until I found a medication that worked. I was so convinced she thought I was ugly because of my acne and that’s why she wasn’t interested. I hated looking in the mirror and would even lose friggin sleep over it.
I carried those self esteem issues until I met my wife who I’ve been married to for almost 10 years now. I was honest about my self esteem issues with her in the beginning. She actively worked at building up confidence in myself. I really believe that if it wasn’t for her, I never would have been able to work through it. I always kept those issues buried so no one knew to help.
I hope we can get to a place where men are less afraid to be open about issues they have with body image. And that those around them will build them up.
Dads can be the very best role models. As can any strong male figure. But Moms teach sons that they are loveable just like Dads teach daughters that they are loveable.
“The goal is to end the ongoing and dangerous fight with your body that stunts physical, emotional, and relational wellbeing and back to being in and of your body in a way that allows you to thrive physically, emotionally, and in relationships—to be in and of your body so you can get back to your goals and dreams.”
Catherine noted that this balanced approach is called ‘positive embodiment.’ “You not only work to end the symptoms—you work to create a full life that does not include the eating disorders,” she noted that a holistic approach is best.
“It’s actually a very beautiful process to watch as those who are lost in the disorder begin to explore their reason for being, get back to feeling all their feelings, and get back to making choices from their hearts and minds rather than from a place of perfectionism and avoidance.”
There is a problem in the area of mental health in general for men. There are so many that associate therapy with weakness and I think a lot of guys really think twice before getting help.
This. I'm currently struggling with mental health due to work. I'm mentally exhausted from it, but if I bring it up with management to get a few weeks off to get my s**t together and feel joy in my work again I'm laughed at and told to get back to work due to deadlines that need to be met while piling even more work onto the ones I already have. The "you'll be fine, you're a guy" s**t needs to end because that's what sent my co-worker into a hospital at 36 with a heart-attack.
I think all three are really serious issues that men face in today’s world. As much as women talk about unrealistic beauty standards, men face similar pressures too.
It’s really important to remember that the people you see on underwear packages have top tier workout and nutrition advice, and they only look that ripped for a shoot, and they still get their photos edited to be perfect.
It’s unfortunate to see men and women base their self-worth around what their body looks like. It’s important to eat healthy and work out, sure, but it shouldn’t define you as a person.
I know it should never be a factor, but I'd rather have a guy on the cuddly side with more to their life than what they're eating or their workout regimen.
Unsuccessful men are invisible.
This is a societal and cultural thing. In my culture, same as most African cultures, the man is seen as the backbone of the family and is worthless if he can't provide for all his family's needs and wants (both nuclear and extended). This is ingrained in males from their childhood and they grow up thinking that if they're unsuccessful, they won't be respected, won't get the ladies etc. They die slowly of depression and are never at home to see their kids grow. Then they hear stuffs like, 'Dad is never home. I hate him. He doesn't love us. All he knows is his work.' Those words can tear a man.
I think this is related to the epidemic that men are not allowed to express emotions. To have body dysmorphia is to be emotional.
We also need to break out of the idea that emotions = bad. Emotions = human. Emotions are normal. We all have emotions. Sexism decided only women can have feelings, and misogyny decided that was bad. It's bullshit.
I think it's definitely the reason why I got in to working out and eating healthy. It's never enough for me. I hit my ideal weight pre-COVID, but wasn't as lean as I wanted to be at that weight. During COVID, I ate less due to not working out as hard I was and ended up dropping 20lbs down to my undergraduate weight. I'm now having trouble eating enough because I don't want to look skinny fat again. It's a mind f*ck and can ruin my days.
I think men are prone to silently accepting their lot in life as opposed to seeking social support and people are more willing to accept I'm fine from a man who is clearly struggling.
Yup. We need to raise our boys into adults who can acknowledge and talk about their feelings and ask for help when needed. It isn't weakness. It's being human.
If you have any real experience with working out you realize that 99% of the great physiques you see are both genetically gifted and enhanced with drugs.
That isn't to say they didn't work hard for it and it should not deter you from trying to pursue a healthy lifestyle.
I think alot of men's softer and insecure sides are ignored or hushed down despite the evidence telling us it should not be. Mostly by men themselves and society follows, or is it the other way around? I think it's hard to tell with these things. What came first the stigma or the behaviour?
Honestly I think we're in a phase now where we are starting to re-define what is is to be a man where we allow people to actually ask these questions about men, and let other men answer it without guilt or stigma. Kinda similar to what women have been doing for the last 100-150 years. Just in the last quarter of a century we have seen a Lot of development with regards to men in the western hemisphere. I think the next 50-100 years are going to be interesting with regards to men's mental wellbeing.
I genuinely hope for a time when all women, men, and everyone in between can feel okay accepting mental health support. Without shame or fear of judgement.
It's funny because everybody I speak to daily in the gym who isn't chiseled says they "just want to be a little fitter", and then here I am not satisfied with shoulders the size of my head.
I was born with a lazy eye and droopy eyelids...
Had surgery on the eye when i was little...
I have ALWAYS wanted to get rid of my goddamn droopy eyelids...i'm 32 now...i always look tired and it weighs me down mentally... male body dysmorphia is real.
IMHO, it's better to always look tired than to always look like your muscles have a mind of their own and are barely constrained by your skin. Creeps me out.
Mental health issues for men are simply not taken seriously by anyone hardly ever. Sometimes there’s the media not taking it seriously but there’s awareness when you talk to people when it comes to certain topics but not men’s mental health. It shows weakness and is hardly ever met with understanding. I agree that steroid abuse and these extreme body builder guys who need sleep apnea machines because they can’t breathe right after gaining all this weight have sever issues with how they look.
The superhero body is a toxic idea. Worse is if you view YouTube channels like Men's Health where celebrities talk about getting those bodies and make it seem attainable. But many don't mention the trainer's and chefs working behind the scenes to help them get there. Rob McElhenney was probably the most honest when he questioned about how he got ripped for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
how did he get ripped for it’s always sunny in philadelphia?
I used to work at a popular clothing store that sold both men’s and women’s clothing. They put a huge emphasis on the women’s underwear models and how they’re unphotoshopped, and come in all shapes and sizes. Really good!
One day we all saw that the company shared in their Instagram page that they’re starting the same thing for the men’a underwear. We all thought it was awesome! Turns out that was just an April Fools day joke and went no further.
I find just like women we hold ourselves to higher standards to those around us. We think while we look like a bad version of what we could be. Others just see us as is. Not fat skinny or in shape it's just "oh that's _____." We're all built different. I've seen happy people in all different forms of themselves. If you don't love yourself you have to put in some work and learn to love yourself. Hopefully wanna see yourself be the healthiest you can be.
The same way we feel when our other feelings are largely disregarded.
Personally I think it’s a far bigger problem than is realised. Half the problem may be this, men are and have been slowly over time portrayed as disposable. From a young age, as an example- in modern cartoons, the males are defined as a bit dumb/stupid and the butt of ridicule and jokes, whilst their female counterparts are switched on and doing all the jobs and coming up with ideas and plans. On the flip side there is the other type of animation where the male is always a muscular super hero fighter of some kind. How is this going to manifest in the minds of our young growing up. You’re either going to be a muscular hero or a dumbass being bossed about and it seems nothing in between. I am of course talking extremes here and for a portion of the population none of this is a problem. But as we roll along into the future there will be more marriage and partnership breakups (especially now with the division that seems to be happening globally with covid and internet platform algorithms feeding confirmation bias) and male role models in the home not being able to put opinions across or be immediately available for advice and or comfort and strength and to an extent protection. The problem is it’s been going on in the background unnoticed for years in western culture. There have been a good few decades even generations of people growing up having this fed into their brains from a young age. Maybe the result is men are going to the gym and not necessarily for health reasons, but just to be big or seen as having big guns or whatever, steroids involved etc, to be seen as the superhero type. This then causes more oneupmanship issues as these types tend to look down upon those who aren’t the big gym types. This all feeds into and compounds the problems, and it runs deep into so many other areas of society too. Not every kid or adult has a balanced unbiased or sometimes safe upbringing.
Example (I can only speak from personal experience) I have a thirteen year old son who has anxiety issues not for any reason we can be sure of at least. He’s relatively tall, not a bad looking kid, not overweight, we’ve tried to keep him fit all through his life and fed him the right food, but he is now all clunky and ungainly in the way he moves, I appreciate all kids go through this stage in development, I’m not an idiot. But if you’d seen it for yourself you would see there seems to be more to it than the normal physical developmental stage. He has lost all his confidence and all we can see is just purely out of self consciousness. We’re not sure if he’s been ridiculed by someone or a group at some point, personally or trolled online. Or if it’s just a phase. But we’ve always tried to give him the foundations to be a strong level headed individual. We have spoken to him about this and given him time and options in the kindest way possible but he tells us that there’s no bullying or suchlike going on, I can only take his word and I do believe that he would tell us if there was. Personally speaking, I think there is a lot more at play here not only for my son, but for the young male society as a whole. There are going to be people out there reading this probably thinking, ‘ hey man up ‘ etc. To those I say this. I consider myself a fair and just man, kind and understanding. I am a black belt in a martial art. I and two others run our own club. My son was a member for a while but chose to leave, which I don’t have a problem with. I see kids, adults, boys and girls of all ages come and go to our club on a weekly basis. The girls are generally so much more confident. Not all but some of the boys struggle and crumble especially under periodic examination conditions, more often than the girls. You can tell from the parents sometimes how the kids are going to be. Sometimes you can’t. But there is definitely a difference generally across the dynamic. Something in the culture needs to change and give a more level starting point for all, boys and girls, background, ethnicity and stance.
I absolutely believe in equality for all, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of another group of individuals in society. The benchmark must be the same for everyone. I also appreciate there is no right or wrong answers here but there does need to be some discussion and debate before it’s too late.
I think society has invested so much into trying to get rid of the unrealistic body standards for women, that in today's generation we're seeing the payoff of those efforts: body-positivity and self-love are high on the agendas. Contrarily, the unrealistic body standards for men, and toxic masculinity as a whole, is now becoming a topic. I hope as a society we'll put as much effort in getting rid of toxic masculinity as we did for women's body standards, and bear similar fruit.
Feels like the question was made for me honestly. The biggest issue I see is social media making crazy physiques more viewable. Like freaky people who do copious amounts of steroids exist, but before you only ever really saw them if you were really into bodybuilding. Nowadays there are plenty of guys in their late teens and early twenties that are also on gear and have physiques that look attainable to a novice lifter because their dosages are low and they’re not pounding back 5000+ calories per day to even come close to getting to the size of some of the monsters in men’s open. Steroid use has been a problem for decades now, but social media has exacerbated things by making it much much easier to broadcast your physique and make money doing it. I don’t think it’d be as big of a deal if there was at least transparency with drug use, but that’s not always realistic given the possibility of brands pulling sponsorships over admissions to steroid use in an attempt to keep the brand image squeaky clean. Another issue is the legality. Steroid possession is so heavily prosecuted in places like South Korea that a lot of IFBB pros from there will fervently deny steroid use to keep police from breathing down their necks all the time.
The reason this particular question strikes a strong chord with me is I was in a similar boat. I fluctuated between the high end of overweight and the low end of obese all throughout high school and was routinely bullied for both my weight and my height. Eventually I got into bodybuilding after having already done strength training for 2 years during the football offseason. You start looking up to all these guys you see online and wonder why your progress isn’t matching up to theirs and eventually find yourself in the wonderful world of the dozens of different PEDs that are widely available if you know where to look. I started using steroids when I was 20. Granted, by that point I was interested in trying my hand at an amateur show and wanted to get a good few cycles in before I aged out of juniors. At that time I wasn’t interested in looking like a fitness model and was deep into bodybuilding as a competition instead. Still a wire degree of body dysmorphia that results from it, but that’s sorta just what happens when you partake in a sport where the only thing that matters is how you look. Even some of the greats like Arnold would cry after having just won a show because they didn’t think their physique was good enough. As s***ty of a thing as it is to say, steroids are just par for the course in certain instances. “Natural” bodybuilding shows are a joke and the top guys are all just running stuff with a short half life to avoid pissing hot. Any competitive sport where money is involved is also rife with drug use. Guys in college looking to get drafted or guys playing professionally are all using. Hell, even female athletes take steroids. Steroid use is an inevitable consequence of wanting to try your hand at even just attempting to compete at the top level. Do I think your average Joe who doesn’t know a lick about steroids should be pinning their cheeks with mystery drugs to try and solve their body image issues? No. Do I wish the FDA would hurry the hell up and give SARMs the same drug classification as anabolic steroids so that they weren’t as disgustingly accessible to young teenagers? Of course. But I also don’t think that steroid use with the express purpose of competing in some sort of sport is necessarily a bad thing. It’s just that a lot of people who start using are woefully uninformed and do so in an attempt to look better because they’re under the impression that tren will magically melt stomach fat and give them 20 inch arms.
I'm really spit balling, I'll warn none of this is exactly backed up by numbers but does reflect my honest opinion.
I guess there's a few things.
One is that traditionally men haven't felt pressured to conform to body standards like women have. Now, that changed sometime in the 80s and now there's tons of action stars that are chemically enhanced.
Two is that I know steroid use is dangerous, but at least that's largely a down the line issue. If you're underweight and anorexic ... you're on the clock, in terms of not dying goes.
Three is that I don't think women judge men on physique as harshly as the other way around. Though alot of us think that way and that's why we start lifting in the first place.
But I don't think we really have an equivalent "body positivity" movement. I don't think any body positivity movement actually underlines health. It's one extreme or validating obesity. Actual work towards functionality and a good standard of living is sort of scarce.
And also, seeing Ronnie Coleman in a wheelchair at 40 sort of crushed me a bit, and so do the Westside Barbell folks who have messed up joints and multiple surgeries. But I think alot of men like to work towards something and be validated for that work, myself included. These folks seem not to mind being in extreme pain and working though it and taking years off their lives very much. I sort of get it. I once accidentally took half the skin off my shin playing sports and if you made me pick between throwing alcohol on that while yelling into a towel or ugh ... "being brave and emotionally vulnerable" ... I'll probably ask you to pass the towel and alcohol over please.
I agree that the body positivity movement could do better including cis men. However it doesn't exist to "validate obesity," it exists to say that people who are fat deserve to be treated like humans like everyone else. Fat people are treated like s*** in our society and the body positivity movement is there to call out that out. Fat people know that they are fat. Doesn't mean they should be treated as lesser humans. People who are fat deserve to be happy like everyone else. Nothing pisses off the internet more than a fat person who dares to be happy.
I’ve reached a point where I don’t care what a woman thinks of my appearance. People say I’m too skinny or something, it’s like I’m sorry I don’t reach your ideals but I’m not trying to impress anyone so please be quiet
My biggest insecurities were hair loss and body hair. That really messed with my head as a teenager, I was a lot hairier than other guys and I just wanted to look like a regular kid in my mind, not like a man yet. I didn't see myself as attractive at all and I don't think it was helped by media really glamorizing hairless men as the ideal in the 00s (maybe still, I just pay less attention to it). I look at the 70s movies or old rock stars sometimes and envy the confidence they had to show all their chest and stomach hair and even back hair and didn't give a fuck, back then those were cool sexy guys but as an adolescent the messaging I was getting was that hairy men were gross, schlubby, the butt of jokes, outdated sex appeal. I always felt like there were a lot of sarcastic comments about Sean Connery, Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds' hairiness, like "Lol can you believe that used to be the thing?" or like Robin Williams, his arm hair was just a big punchline. Teenage girls laughed at those old centerfold spreads of dudes with lots of hair on their chests and below, and those were the guys whose bodies I was identifying with. I really had a tough time with the idea of asking anybody out, going swimming, anything that would put me in a situation where I might have to take my shirt off.
Then when I was 17-18 I started facing hair loss and that was a whole other can of worms. I didn't finally learn to accept it until around 10 years later. Again, the messaging I felt I was getting was that balding guys were clowns or pathetic sad sacks or perverts, and fully shaved/bald guys were bodybuilders or action tough guys, military, cancer patients, Nazi skinheads, or just straight up old. Nothing I could identify with. Like I absolutely loved Colin Mochrie on Whose Line but he got nothing but bald jokes and he wasn't who I wanted to have in my mind as a kid just trying to figure out how to look attractive and pick up girls.
Now I think about it much less, I like how I look with a shaved head and stubble, girlfriends have liked it, figured out a light manscaping routine to keep the hairiness under control for my own comfort level but generally have embraced being a hairier guy now. And as far as my body goes just want to make sure I'm keeping healthy moving forward to prepare for middle age. But it took me a long time to start feeling ok with my body. Also had to suffer through bad acne. Luckily I hit 6 ft in junior high, never felt too insecure about musculature (not built whatsoever but never too skinny or overweight) and was just relieved the peen fell safely within the average parameters.
I hate that any negative feelings I have about my body are either laughed at or I'm told to disregard it as women have it worse. (Which I understand, there's a lot more pressure) It doesn't mean I'm not affected though?
On paper I appear to be attractive but I'm just not. I look like sh*t and nothing fits well. I've been on dates with women who have actively stopped about 30 minutes in and said I'm just not very good looking. Absolutely ruined my self confidence for years and I ended up with some absolutely awful people.
I also had a disgusting man white phase when I wanted to prove to myself and others I was attractive? Purely trying to get people to want me. It was a f*cking awful time and I hated it.
My last partner and current partner did absolute wonders for it though. Always trying to compliment me if I try something new or constructive criticism if it didn't quite work.
Off the rack clothing rarely fits anyone well. Having things tailored if you can will do wonders
I'm 43 and I hang around on this sub and honestly it breaks my heart how many young men in here feel they're worthless because of body image issues. Guys who believe they're too short because they're not 6 feet, guys who feel insecure about their penis size because they don't look like porn stars, guys who think they need to gain 20 pounds of muscle every year... I hate to see that really. So much guilt in these posts, like you're a failure for being 5'8 or not exercising twice a day? Come on.
I don't think it was like that when I was 20. Maybe because there were no influencers and Instagram and everything? It's heartbreaking what our society does to young people, boys and girls alike. Guilting people for things they have no control on.
An old classmate of mine wrote a comment on social media making fun of a male actor for opening up about his body issues.
I replied that body image issues are serious and was met with a response of "world's smallest violin"/"how do you think most women feel?"
Not really helpful to shut down a discussion like that......
Bullying behavior. It apparently extends beyond the schoolyards. Social media at its worst.
Im noticing more and more young (18-21) guys coming to the gym absolutely ripped and jacked up. It was definitely easier when I was younger to lose weight and put on muscle, but these guys must be juicing- there’s simply no way it’s achieved naturally.
Its worrying both from their perspective but also for their peers who see this as an achievable norm
Body dysmorphia hits hard for me. I used to be a pretty damn attractive person conventionally. I was fit, had piercing blue eyes, perfect hair etc. I went through an incredibly physically abusive relationship which culminated with a murder attempt and my body took a heavy toll. My torso is criss crossed with stab and surgical scars. My eyes are dulled from what they once were and my hair is like 50% grayed. I hate how I look. I feel hideous
That's awful. Please talk to someone you trust like a doctor or therapist.
Something i didn't see mentioned is the fact that as a guy if you look a certain way (ie. Bald, fat, ugly, old). You not only get what women get from other people like disgust, avoidance, and shunning.
But as a man you get whole new extra levels of assumptions made about you. No on is gonna say anything about an old lady that isn't very fit sitting at a park bench watching her grand kids at the park.
Be an old, ugly, fat man doing that? 100% a pedo. No questions asked someone call the cops.
As a dude you know this especially as you grow older. But say anything about it irl and your laughed at. No one cares about what consequences you might face if the wrong set of circumstances make you look bad, and it'll be made worse if you don't look like Thor when they happen.
It sucks honestly, as an anorexic myself it's tough because I'm paranoid I'm going to be shamed for being weak. Honestly maybe I'm better off just letting myself slowly die to anorexia than to be shamed instead.
I struggled with body dysmorphia for years and still do to this day, spent years at gyms trying to achieve something that was realistically in achievable in the way I was attacking it, But yes I feel that body dysmorphia in men is almost a neglected topic.
I hate not having any actual male diet plans that just let you lose weight. There all "build 500 pounds of muscle in two years if you call right now fatty mcfatface" and not to mention the look medical professionals give me when I tell them I just want to fit into a medium shirt. Like it just makes me want to put my f*cking head threw a f*cking wall.
I'm going to the gym and I still hate my body.
The gym won't change that. You have to learn to accept and love who you are and that is a hard thing to do
It is what it is. Societal concerns will typically favour women's concerns as they have influence in that arena. Having male issues dismissed is pretty bog standard. You get used to it. Women get dismissed over certain things as well.
For example, I have gynecomastia, or man boobs, due to some hormonal imbalance. I am very, very self conscious about it as it pokes out like small breasts from my T-shirt. The cost of removing them can be well north of $7,000 so really not practical.
You people are the first I have talk with about this. I keep quiet about it because I know from experience what people will say: " Suck it up".
It’s hard because I’m a skinny dude everywhere but the belly. I’ve been working out pretty consistently for the past two years and the results are hard to see. I don’t know what OP meant by steroid epidemic, but people don’t usually say if they’re taking steroids or not and I see all these jacked people in the gym I go to and their progress seems to take a fraction of the time it’s taking me. My partner and friends are very supportive of my working out but I just never feel big enough. Small legs and arms and no six pack really gets to me even though I know I look “healthy”. Social media is probably the biggest contributing factor to body dysmorphia, at least for me.
I don't know to be honest. I think women care more about women's issues, and men care more about men's issues, in general. At least they understand their own issues better than the other's. I believe men's issues are taken seriously, but those who take them seriously aren't loud about it in social media so we don't hear as much about it. To talk about women's issues as a politician (depending on country) gives a lot of bonus points, so of course they milk that. But talking about men's issues can sometimes be faces with "but women has it worse, surely we can't consider both sides!" so the politicians skip that topic.
Maybe that's also why men's issues aren't taken as seriously by as many - because we don't talk that much about it as women talk about their problems.
Am man, absolutely hate how I look. Also hate exercising.
I also also hate the idea of me being muscular and dont want to be shredded like the entirety of society says I should. So i often feel stuck, like theres no point to exerxising because it sucks ass and I dont get anything I actually want out of it.
I have ALWAYS been a supporter of men’s mental health, seriousness of how they can be victims of rape, and so on. I think that it is very real that men can feel terrible about their body, just as women are held to a standard in media where everything that is shown on TV and media is falseified and exaggerated. That being said, a women’s standard is so much higher, and if society would push men to go to things such as dermatologists, teach about how 3 in 1 is literally destroying your hair and skin, how to moisturize, exfoliate and such, most men could reach that standard society puts on them (not saying that’s the goal or anything). Male body dysmorphia is 100,000% something we should be teaching, but also we need men to understand it’s beneficial to go to the spa every once in a while. Women have it harder because they can have non societally standard breasts that they can never change, which is something that’s harder to hide than that something in a mans pants. Men can change a lot more about their body, but in my own opinion, not many people know the tools and steps on how to change it. It’s also looks not masculine from societies point of view. But yeah anybody can experience male BD. On a separate note, why do you think all those adult websites have all those “appendage lengthening” ads if people were fine about how they were.
2013 I felt pudgy, bulky, and ugly. I had trained in the gym for five years. Probably 150 pt sessions, powerlifting and agility. My pics from back then are the prettiest I've ever been. I had 4 out of 6 in the sixpack. Vascular shoulders. But I still remember how I felt in the mirror back then. Always looking at the imagined flaws, imperfections. Felt like I had achieved nothing.
It's horrible to not be able to feel pride or accomplishment when you've actually turned your life around.
The people who don't care have no obligation to care. Family should, but I know far too many cases were they just don't n the kids end up with f*cked up sh*t in their heads.
I think that if we don care, nobody else will.
I completely hate my body and face and I’m in decent shape I rarely look at myself in the mirror.
Almost all male mental health and body issues are not taken seriously. We’re expected to take care of ourselves and also be pillars of society.
I don't take mine seriously anymore. Opted to disappear from social settings until I'm content with how my person looks. Still working at it - one day further, one day stronger.
As I have stumbled through my 20s trying to feel comfortable in my own skin (clothes are an odd sort of torture for me at this point), I truly feel remorse for my fellow man who takes the juice but, I cannot fault their decision. That would imply that I know better, I don't.
The "quick fix" has been around for some time. I'm talking miracle tonics of the late-19th century though it goes well beyond that. Steroids are another iteration of its insistent promises.
Thanks to online dating and Instagram men are now competing and buying into the horror show women have had to put up with for decades, the constant “ you’re not good enough, young enough,someone’s always better looking” message. The realities of the gig economy and downward mobility since 2008 has also hurt the traditional escape card for these problems which is wealth. I used to always see the short,old bald guys in their 50 and older with gorgeous women in their 20s or early 30s at Whole Foods or upscale stores and social events. Wealthy guys are still out there but not in the numbers there used to be and they have many more women to choose from. However woke people claim they are the sexual marketplace has never stopped playing the sex for resources exchange game.It’s in the DNA of people and society has always reinforced it.
My answer is stop making the value of your life about getting women but make it about developing yourself as a human being. With personal,career and creative goals. The irony of this approach is that if you develop yourself you will eventually attract the right kind of people in your life.
Well what a waste of time that was. 2 decent pics of the make form .
I can't talk for every woman, but personally I prefer "dad bods" to chiseled bodies. I need something soft to lay my head on when we watch tv and also to enjoy our food together! :)
It's fun when you can both get excited about what munchies will be available during movie night. "Bring on the Pizza Rolls!!!"
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My hubby used to work in plant and machinery and there was one coworker who was an obnoxious little bully. He was also heavily, exaggeratedly muscled. I can't think how to put it in words that won't come across as disrespectful, but he was round - no neck, arm muscles so big he could hardly put his arms down to his sides. His silhouette was round. He was also short - just 5 feet. So the general assumption (the muscles, the bullying behaviour, the overt sexism verging on harassment) was that he was "overcompensating". Well, he was. In a more casual setting I met his then-wife (third I think). She told me he was never satisfied. His height was the only thing he couldn't fix and to have even me (at 5' 2") able to "look down on him" would trigger him. (Hubby is 5' 8" - he got a lot of the bullying, because unlike the other men, he's cuddly rather than muscled). I could never feel sorry for him though, because he was *nasty* in his response to it - he was hurt so he hurt others. Not on.
This is such a long overdue thing that needs to be normalised. Men have toxic expectations upon them whether they know it or not, but they need to know. It's normal for a man to habe an eating disorder, and very frustrating to try and find help for a male only to be met with female only services. The superhero body: when I heard Henry Cavill and Hugh Jackman talk about what they went through to shoot "muscle" scenes I was appalled, and all I can think now is jeez they must be thirsty and exhausted. It's an impossible body standard, and needs to be an open fact and not an invisible message of unrealistic impossibilities, just as we have learned more in that past few decades about the manipulation of images of women and or the women themselves. It's not a women thing it's a people thing. And it's not manly to shame others. A real man can find his way through but not without the support they sorely deserve! Rant done (for now)
Thankfully 20 years ago. But BDD resulted in self harm and suicide attempts for me. Pale, frail, ugly and old as a teenager. Balding, underweight, cystic acne - on top of being gay and nerdy. Marvellous combination. Covered my face whenever possible, applied so many lotions it caused skin to dry, die and wrinkle; even sandpapered my face and stuck plasters all over it out of mad desperation. Looked like a freak. Routine nightmares of skin decomposing and peeling off. Had the highest truancy rate out of 200 students because I couldn't be seen in public. Even my own family. Men are absolutely under as much pressure as women these days. We were decades ago, but few had even heard of body dysmorphic disorder.
In the beginning, when I figured I found attractive this man who is now my husband, I thought he didn't like me. Well, it appears he was just a bit insecure about his looks. For context, he's Korean and aesthetics are a big deal here, as you all probably noticed. One day he started saying something like "I know I don't look so good", stuff like that, and I interrupted him with a simple and spontaneous "You look good." He was like "Really?" I confirmed. He felt very happy and asked if he could kiss me. And the rest is history. ♡
Guys, I want you to go paint your nails. Put on something with flowers. Try eyeliner. Wear something in a color you're told to avoid. Try just one of these things! Some of the image issues are the fact that the box of "acceptable" looks for men is just so small. Screw it. You only have one body. Be bold and dress it however you want to.
One of my favorite people I know posted a picture of himself wearing nail polish to a ridiculously conservative site we're both a part of (it's a school thing). Man, the answers nearly killed me with laughter, there were so many that were like "but nail polish is a girl thing, you're disrespecting your body." Ooh-wee, was that a fun ride XD.
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If anyone says male body dysmorphia is not real... Michael Jackson. Guy died chasing a dream that led to extreme plastic surgery, dangerous meds to fend off the pain, and severe loss of self-care abilities as he relied on others to do almost everything. Brilliant songwriter, sad man.
I don't remember the name of the film, but it's a British Documentary about young boys that suffer from anorexia and the psychology behind it. One little boy refused to eat because he wanted to be a football player and he believed that's how they stayed skinny. He ended up getting a visit from a pro-football player that made him understand how much they actually eat in a day and that they are skinny because they practice a lot. Boys have just as much issues as girls.
I cannot remember his name but there was a guy who would show up in Outside magazine from time to time. Looked like a suburban dad but this guy tackled wicked hikes all over the place. Another thing. I went to Jump school (paratrooper) in my youth. Got to the base on the weekend and checked into barracks. I was maybe 160lbs, There were several muscle bound sixpack guys there as well. Thought I didn't have a chance. They were all gone by the second or third day. No endurance. 26 out of 54 made it and we were all 'normal' looking guys. Movies are bullshit.
i am surprised only one of them mentioned penis size, altough that is totally one point where most of the men has self esteem issues. and it is still totaly acceptable to bodyshame people because of their size.
Jeez, this hits close to home. 20 years ago in high school I just KNEW I was ugly. Everyone told me otherwise, but they were just being nice. I was clearly super overweight and unattractive. I knew body dysmorphia existed, but it never even crossed my mind as something I had. A couple years ago I saw a picture of myself from high school and I didn't know who it was - perfectly fine looking person. But like, I'd never seen that guy before in my life. What I saw in the mirror was totally different, and, as it turns out, not real. And yet I let it hold me back for YEARS. That's when the epiphany struck. So crazy to think about now.
Nowadays there's a huge influx of focus on the way everyone looks, while the ideal image is also becoming more and more artificial. Even none of the people we worship for their appearance meet the beauty standards they set themselves. Yes we know about the photoshop, and Hollywood tricks that help create the ideal image, but I think people still never reeeally realise how much of a difference tips and tricks actually make. Just getting nice lighting, posing, and camera angles can completely transform someone, but then photoshop, make up, lack of food and water, plastic surgery, drugs, professional help and much more is added on top of that. To anyone who struggles with keeping up (incl. myself), please remember that even the people you admire can't keep up. The only thing that can change our messed up culture of beauty worship, is to direct that admiration at something of real substance.
I'm only 5kg overweight but that doesn't stop my wife to call me fat. Also I can't talk with her about my problems because she sees me as a week man when want to get little emotional. That's the world we live now.
Your wife is wrong. And you deserve someone who supports you
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When I was younger, I had physically demanding jobs so I had some bulk. Now at 56 I'm a skinny guy, but since most of my contemporaries are getting fat, I wouldn't change a thing. Also, as I get older, I don't care about it. As you age, you will learn that media's image means nothing.
Definitely prefer a chiseled or slim body in a man, but that's just a preference, the same as when a person is more attracted to a certain hair colour or physical features.
I can't talk for every woman, but personally I prefer "dad bods" to chiseled bodies. I need something soft to lay my head on when we watch tv and also to enjoy our food together! :)
It's fun when you can both get excited about what munchies will be available during movie night. "Bring on the Pizza Rolls!!!"
Load More Replies... My hubby used to work in plant and machinery and there was one coworker who was an obnoxious little bully. He was also heavily, exaggeratedly muscled. I can't think how to put it in words that won't come across as disrespectful, but he was round - no neck, arm muscles so big he could hardly put his arms down to his sides. His silhouette was round. He was also short - just 5 feet. So the general assumption (the muscles, the bullying behaviour, the overt sexism verging on harassment) was that he was "overcompensating". Well, he was. In a more casual setting I met his then-wife (third I think). She told me he was never satisfied. His height was the only thing he couldn't fix and to have even me (at 5' 2") able to "look down on him" would trigger him. (Hubby is 5' 8" - he got a lot of the bullying, because unlike the other men, he's cuddly rather than muscled). I could never feel sorry for him though, because he was *nasty* in his response to it - he was hurt so he hurt others. Not on.
This is such a long overdue thing that needs to be normalised. Men have toxic expectations upon them whether they know it or not, but they need to know. It's normal for a man to habe an eating disorder, and very frustrating to try and find help for a male only to be met with female only services. The superhero body: when I heard Henry Cavill and Hugh Jackman talk about what they went through to shoot "muscle" scenes I was appalled, and all I can think now is jeez they must be thirsty and exhausted. It's an impossible body standard, and needs to be an open fact and not an invisible message of unrealistic impossibilities, just as we have learned more in that past few decades about the manipulation of images of women and or the women themselves. It's not a women thing it's a people thing. And it's not manly to shame others. A real man can find his way through but not without the support they sorely deserve! Rant done (for now)
Thankfully 20 years ago. But BDD resulted in self harm and suicide attempts for me. Pale, frail, ugly and old as a teenager. Balding, underweight, cystic acne - on top of being gay and nerdy. Marvellous combination. Covered my face whenever possible, applied so many lotions it caused skin to dry, die and wrinkle; even sandpapered my face and stuck plasters all over it out of mad desperation. Looked like a freak. Routine nightmares of skin decomposing and peeling off. Had the highest truancy rate out of 200 students because I couldn't be seen in public. Even my own family. Men are absolutely under as much pressure as women these days. We were decades ago, but few had even heard of body dysmorphic disorder.
In the beginning, when I figured I found attractive this man who is now my husband, I thought he didn't like me. Well, it appears he was just a bit insecure about his looks. For context, he's Korean and aesthetics are a big deal here, as you all probably noticed. One day he started saying something like "I know I don't look so good", stuff like that, and I interrupted him with a simple and spontaneous "You look good." He was like "Really?" I confirmed. He felt very happy and asked if he could kiss me. And the rest is history. ♡
Guys, I want you to go paint your nails. Put on something with flowers. Try eyeliner. Wear something in a color you're told to avoid. Try just one of these things! Some of the image issues are the fact that the box of "acceptable" looks for men is just so small. Screw it. You only have one body. Be bold and dress it however you want to.
One of my favorite people I know posted a picture of himself wearing nail polish to a ridiculously conservative site we're both a part of (it's a school thing). Man, the answers nearly killed me with laughter, there were so many that were like "but nail polish is a girl thing, you're disrespecting your body." Ooh-wee, was that a fun ride XD.
Load More Replies... If anyone says male body dysmorphia is not real... Michael Jackson. Guy died chasing a dream that led to extreme plastic surgery, dangerous meds to fend off the pain, and severe loss of self-care abilities as he relied on others to do almost everything. Brilliant songwriter, sad man.
I don't remember the name of the film, but it's a British Documentary about young boys that suffer from anorexia and the psychology behind it. One little boy refused to eat because he wanted to be a football player and he believed that's how they stayed skinny. He ended up getting a visit from a pro-football player that made him understand how much they actually eat in a day and that they are skinny because they practice a lot. Boys have just as much issues as girls.
I cannot remember his name but there was a guy who would show up in Outside magazine from time to time. Looked like a suburban dad but this guy tackled wicked hikes all over the place. Another thing. I went to Jump school (paratrooper) in my youth. Got to the base on the weekend and checked into barracks. I was maybe 160lbs, There were several muscle bound sixpack guys there as well. Thought I didn't have a chance. They were all gone by the second or third day. No endurance. 26 out of 54 made it and we were all 'normal' looking guys. Movies are bullshit.
i am surprised only one of them mentioned penis size, altough that is totally one point where most of the men has self esteem issues. and it is still totaly acceptable to bodyshame people because of their size.
Jeez, this hits close to home. 20 years ago in high school I just KNEW I was ugly. Everyone told me otherwise, but they were just being nice. I was clearly super overweight and unattractive. I knew body dysmorphia existed, but it never even crossed my mind as something I had. A couple years ago I saw a picture of myself from high school and I didn't know who it was - perfectly fine looking person. But like, I'd never seen that guy before in my life. What I saw in the mirror was totally different, and, as it turns out, not real. And yet I let it hold me back for YEARS. That's when the epiphany struck. So crazy to think about now.
Nowadays there's a huge influx of focus on the way everyone looks, while the ideal image is also becoming more and more artificial. Even none of the people we worship for their appearance meet the beauty standards they set themselves. Yes we know about the photoshop, and Hollywood tricks that help create the ideal image, but I think people still never reeeally realise how much of a difference tips and tricks actually make. Just getting nice lighting, posing, and camera angles can completely transform someone, but then photoshop, make up, lack of food and water, plastic surgery, drugs, professional help and much more is added on top of that. To anyone who struggles with keeping up (incl. myself), please remember that even the people you admire can't keep up. The only thing that can change our messed up culture of beauty worship, is to direct that admiration at something of real substance.
I'm only 5kg overweight but that doesn't stop my wife to call me fat. Also I can't talk with her about my problems because she sees me as a week man when want to get little emotional. That's the world we live now.
Your wife is wrong. And you deserve someone who supports you
Load More Replies... When I was younger, I had physically demanding jobs so I had some bulk. Now at 56 I'm a skinny guy, but since most of my contemporaries are getting fat, I wouldn't change a thing. Also, as I get older, I don't care about it. As you age, you will learn that media's image means nothing.
Definitely prefer a chiseled or slim body in a man, but that's just a preference, the same as when a person is more attracted to a certain hair colour or physical features.
