Teen Has A Meltdown During Family Christmas After Her Dad’s New Wife Tries To Become Her Mom
Christmas and families are intrinsically interlinked, but there’s also a fair share of challenges that arise when you combine the two.
For Reddit user Any-Might7823, they turned out to be too big to handle.
A few days ago, she shared a raw and personal account of her holidays, during which her father and his second wife pushed the teenager to accept the lady as her new mother, and continuously ignored her boundaries.
It got so bad that she had a full-blown meltdown in front of everyone.
When communication breaks down within a family, the problems only exacerbate
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For this teenager, it happened on Christmas
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Any-Might7823
Sadly, the stepmother-stepdaughter relationship is often difficult
Image credits: NEOSiAM 2024+ / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and parents, gets many inquiries from both stepmothers and stepdaughters about difficulties in their relationships.
According to her, this particular dynamic seems to be an inherently tricky one. “This is a dreadful shame because if all of the jealousy, envy and competitiveness were not issues, this relationship could be a wonderful one for stepdaughters and stepmothers everywhere,” Greenberg explained.
“This is not to say that all stepmoms and stepdaughters don’t get along, but I have seen too many of these relationships go awry and cause complications and stress for everyone involved.”
But some people manage to make it work
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It should probably go without saying, but such a fallout doesn’t help anyone, especially the kids. Luckily, research suggests that over time, things usually get better.
For example, there was a study of 40 stepfather and 20 stepmother families, half of which had a male and half of which had a female “target” child (aged 9–12 yrs). Its findings reveal that the longer stepdaughters lived in a biological father–stepmother household, the more positive the stepmother-stepdaughter relationships were.
This is great because the study also concluded that more positive stepparent-stepchild relationships were associated with lower inhibition and aggression ratings for male and female stepchildren and with higher self-esteem scores for females.
Hopefully, these folks will sort it out.
As the confession went viral, many expressed their support for the teen
With a few differing opinions here and there
The YTA people seemed to have completely missed the part where OP explained how they view their relationship with their mother. "Oh, the wife was just trying to be a mother ewtce ectc" which OP has told them they didn't want. As well as explaining the different treatment with their sisters also bothered them. Sure OP could've been nicer but was obviously at wit's end for literally not having their feelings acknowledged and respected throughout their life. Absolutely NTA and those "YTA" people can f**k right off.
Agreed! “You were asked to stand in a photo…”. Nope. You have been pressured for years into a relationship you don’t want and the photo was just the last straw. She’s been trying to set these boundaries for years and is ignored each time. She had every right to get angry.
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Kids are actual human beings. You cannot make them love you. By forcing it they're pretty much guaranteeing the moment she's out of the house she never calls again. Why would they even try to force it? For those who think 17 is too old to blow up, I'd refer you to the many grown adults who freak out over far less, and remind you that your brain isn't finished cooking until around 25, and that emotions aren't always rational and self-control isn't always possible. Crime of passion vs premeditated
Plus OP has had six years of this unrelenting pressure, and just reached her very frustrated breaking point. Had she been a baby when her mom died, it would be different, as her stepmother actually would’ve been the only mother she could remember—-though even in that scenario, making sure OP knew as much as possible about her mother would be respectful of the woman who gave birth to her and loved her first, and would be so much appreciated by OP, if not immediately then at least when OP grew up. But she was eleven, not one or two, and has definite memories of her mother. She was also old enough for the stepmother to have sat down and told her she didn’t intend to replace her mother, but to be there for her as someone who cares about her as if she were her own. Then she should’ve simply stepped back and let OP come around on her own and in her own time, while still doing all the basics that a parent does (taking OP shopping for school clothes and supplies, arranging birthdays—-though always with OP’s input—-making sure vacations included activities OP would enjoy too, etc). Had a much softer, authoritative approach been employed, instead of the authoritarian approach of forcing OP to immediately accept stepmother as mom, maybe OP would feel very differently.
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My wife and I split up over six years ago. My daughter now has two new people in her life, my partner and her Mum’s partner. Neither demands a particular type of relationship nor to be a replacement for Mum or Dad. It’s weird, we’ve found that our daughter has chosen how to relate to the new adults in her life, she’s been able to work it out with our help, we’ve not forced her to become what she doesn’t want to be. She may be a child but she’s a human being with thoughts and emotions, FFS let your child find their way with your help not your insistence or to satisfy your needs.
It helps that none of us (with the exception of youngests dad and his new wife, though still not outright and right in front of our son) put the other parent or step parent down, or bad mouth each other, and all show each other and the children respect for their own feelings and boundaries. I feel like it's always harder when a child loses a parent, even without the attempt to force said child to accept new partner as "a replacement" parent
Load More Replies... The YTA people seemed to have completely missed the part where OP explained how they view their relationship with their mother. "Oh, the wife was just trying to be a mother ewtce ectc" which OP has told them they didn't want. As well as explaining the different treatment with their sisters also bothered them. Sure OP could've been nicer but was obviously at wit's end for literally not having their feelings acknowledged and respected throughout their life. Absolutely NTA and those "YTA" people can f**k right off.
Agreed! “You were asked to stand in a photo…”. Nope. You have been pressured for years into a relationship you don’t want and the photo was just the last straw. She’s been trying to set these boundaries for years and is ignored each time. She had every right to get angry.
Load More Replies... Kids are actual human beings. You cannot make them love you. By forcing it they're pretty much guaranteeing the moment she's out of the house she never calls again. Why would they even try to force it? For those who think 17 is too old to blow up, I'd refer you to the many grown adults who freak out over far less, and remind you that your brain isn't finished cooking until around 25, and that emotions aren't always rational and self-control isn't always possible. Crime of passion vs premeditated
Plus OP has had six years of this unrelenting pressure, and just reached her very frustrated breaking point. Had she been a baby when her mom died, it would be different, as her stepmother actually would’ve been the only mother she could remember—-though even in that scenario, making sure OP knew as much as possible about her mother would be respectful of the woman who gave birth to her and loved her first, and would be so much appreciated by OP, if not immediately then at least when OP grew up. But she was eleven, not one or two, and has definite memories of her mother. She was also old enough for the stepmother to have sat down and told her she didn’t intend to replace her mother, but to be there for her as someone who cares about her as if she were her own. Then she should’ve simply stepped back and let OP come around on her own and in her own time, while still doing all the basics that a parent does (taking OP shopping for school clothes and supplies, arranging birthdays—-though always with OP’s input—-making sure vacations included activities OP would enjoy too, etc). Had a much softer, authoritative approach been employed, instead of the authoritarian approach of forcing OP to immediately accept stepmother as mom, maybe OP would feel very differently.
Load More Replies... My wife and I split up over six years ago. My daughter now has two new people in her life, my partner and her Mum’s partner. Neither demands a particular type of relationship nor to be a replacement for Mum or Dad. It’s weird, we’ve found that our daughter has chosen how to relate to the new adults in her life, she’s been able to work it out with our help, we’ve not forced her to become what she doesn’t want to be. She may be a child but she’s a human being with thoughts and emotions, FFS let your child find their way with your help not your insistence or to satisfy your needs.
It helps that none of us (with the exception of youngests dad and his new wife, though still not outright and right in front of our son) put the other parent or step parent down, or bad mouth each other, and all show each other and the children respect for their own feelings and boundaries. I feel like it's always harder when a child loses a parent, even without the attempt to force said child to accept new partner as "a replacement" parent
Load More Replies...
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