Doctors, nurses, etc.
It could be anything from a random object stuck up the nose to a rare disease. Anything goes!
I once had a patient who came in with her baby daughter. The daughter was a baby, maybe one by the looks of it. The lady told me all these things about how she was antivax and blah blah. She then asked me to “fix” her baby. You guys, it was dead. She was holding a f**king corpse
The guy that used tampons as earplugs at night, forgot to take them out and had a shower. He didn't realise how absorbent they were!
The woman complaining of a sudden and severe irritation 'down there'. She had sequin knickers and wore them inside out, several of them had come loose and worked their way inside.
The lovely old lady who came in with 'Stabbing pains in the chest', upon inspection we noted that she was indeed being stabbed, by the lamb-chop bone in her bra.
The young lad that had a speculum stuck in his mouth. We don't where/how he got it but apparently he was trying to pretend to be a duck. (For the guys out there that don't know, a speculum is a medical tool that is most commonly used for examining vaginas).
I had a patient that wouldn’t let me take his temperature with a non contact device on his forehead. He was worried about “blasting radiation into his pituitary gland”. First of all, you’re 90 so I’m sure by now your pituitary gland is a little bag of sand by now; and secondly, where did you get this info? Facebook?
Not medical, but dental. Had a woman who was obviously an addict come in for a tooth ache. I had to help her fill out the new patient form because it confused her too much. Every health question was met with ‘what’s that?’. We finally get her back in the room to start X-rays and holy smokes. No wonder this lady had a toothache. She was LITERALLY growing ALGAE on her teeth. It was horrendous. We ended up having to refer her to a dental hospital because the work was so extensive. I couldn’t eat anything with seaweed in it for years. It looked just like the stuff on her teeth.
79 year old man presents to ER with an aerosol air freshener can up his a**s…told the doctor it “slipped in when he went to sit on the toilet…it was so far in there he needed full abdominal surgery to remove it because even the colonoscope couldn’t reach it!
My friend was an ER doctor. Had a guy come in with a flashlight stuck up his butt. When my friend came back from his break he asked the other doc how the patient with the flashlight up his but was doing and the other doc asked him," which one?" It was a busy night!
Had a patient call 9-1-1 with a three liter coke bottle up his ass
Not my story but my friend is a paramedic and got called to a house where someone thought a person "might" be dead. The guy had hanged himself at least 3 weeks previously. Think advanced state of decomposition. She said she can remember thinking "What do they expect us to do resuscitate him". Obviously she didn't say anything and just contacted the police. I assume some people just panic and don't know who to call in this situation.
We had a patient who came to the ER after a car accident and had a metal fence pole all the way through his right chest, in the front, out the back. He previously had his right lung removed so he walked away with no injury after a pipe through the chest.
I’m the patient here. Guess what I did?
Yeah, I ate a flower with a bee on it. Not only did I get stung, guess what else?
The flower was the one thing I was allergic to. I couldn’t breathe because I still had a petal AND a bee stuck in my mouth, and my tounge basically blew up. I did not eat any greens, or anything purple because the flower was purple.
Not me but my dad who was a physician. He said he hated the ER, this was back when there were no "ER specialists" just doctors on call. I asked him why and he said he was sick of "removing"t things that had no business being where they were. I said like what? And he said "like flashlights, baby bottles, and squash." I asked no more.
My wife works on the icu and a large lady came in once and they had to give her a sponge bath and they found an old oreo under her boob
I work in learning disability care and once had to accompany a young lady to hospital who was complaining about pain when urinating.
Somehow she had inserted peas into her urethra and attempted to fish them out with a bobby pin - over a week before she went to the ED.
A woman came into our ER with a very swollen finger and in a lot of pain. While doing a lot of dishes, a box of spaghetti fell over, as she tried to catch it to avoid it falling into the sudsy sink, one strand impaled itself under her fingernail. Since her hands were so wet, the spaghetti slid all the way to the top of the nail. It. Was. Horrifying. Everyone was cringing! The doctor had to cut a slit into her fingernail to fish it out! We all had funny reactions! The woman said it was so painful that she wanted her finger cut off! She had instant relief when the doc cut the nail and relieved the pressure.
I once had to explain to a patient that there was no need for us to check his b12 levels, because he was actually not on a vegan diet.
he insisted on being a vegan because he only ate poultry regularly, other meats or fish only "a few times a month" and also it was always organic.
he genuinely thought he was a vegan and therefore needed his b12 level checked.
i ended up saying "b12 deficiency is only a problem for those vegans who don't eat meat"
I'm not a doctor, but I was once in the doctor's office waiting for a check-up when this woman bolts in with her young child, screaming that she was bleeding. Her kid was on her period.
I once handled a man that had inserted the penis in a active vacuum cleaning pipe, it swelled a lot and got stuck. Totally purple after removal.
Found a 6mm fragment of a metal axe in a guy's eyelid - he had no idea it was there.
Not a doctor. Sat in the waiting room at the health center, waiting for my doctor when a worker from the building project next door came in. He had his hand wrapped in a big towel and just stod in the line for the receptionist. He left a large trail of blood running from the towel. Not dripping, running in a small stream. Luckily someone more or less shouted to get him some attention. When a couple of nurses came running the dude said something like "I just cut my self a bit", not really seem to realise it had to be bad. Either he was cool as a cucumber or in chock. Probably the later.
Was on a med-surg- gyn - weird diseases floor. Had a patient come in with Pemphigus. A skin disease. A not often seen one.
Also had a patient come in with a rare genetic disease that both parents were Caucasian, but the baby had very dark skin and hair and features were Caucasian. He was also in a wheel chair and skin was very delicate and broke down easily. Can’t remember the name of it, De. … something. But it was very interesting. I also had several patients with cystic fibrosis, under this one doctors’ care. They aged from teens to 36. Very old for a patient with CF. He was very invested in their care. One patient came in and he was dying. He asked that any nurse not comfortable with his morphine dosing schedule, not take care of his patient. He was of the opinion, they could pretty much tell you when and how much they wanted or needed, and were to get it. He later, was in the news as the doctor who broke the genetic code for CF. He was based in Orlando, Fl. He was an amazing doctor!
Penis fish…. A fish swam up into this man’s urethra. He had been on vacation and WAITED UNTIL HE WAS BACK to get looked at!!! That was nearly 20 years ago and I will never forget that poor guy.
Patient was me but it wasn't anything really weird...I got hit by a hockey ball in the face, which hit the bone on my right cheek...very clean and semi-deep cut so blood went EVERYWHERE and fast. Other kids I was training with were horrified, as were coaches. Not going to lie, even with holding pressure against the cut when I turned up in the ER it was hard to tell where I was injured there was so much blood. I looked like Carrie. Traumatised more than a few people. Oops.
Before I had a liver transplant, I suffered from a condition called "Ascites" that makes you retain fluids and your belly looks like you are 11 months pregnant (I am a guy). Every week I'd go to hospital to get the fluids drained (usually around 10 to 11 liters). Since it was a teaching hospital, more often than not there was an attending nurse and a very young doctor. The procedure required an ultrasound machine, operated by the nurse, and a 9" needle to penetrate the abdomen and find the sack with the liquid. Most young doctors had never done anything like it and they were nervous and a little bit disturbed. Once this very young doctor got physically sick and white as a sheet. He also couldn't find the sack. He kept prodding and getting more and more panicked. By then I was an old hand at it and I had seen it done properly at least a dozen times, so I asked him "do you mind if I give it a shot?". At first he blabbed something incoherent, so I added "I won't tell anyone, I just can't afford to leave without being drained, this is the one day a week when I get to feel normal for a few hours". He finally agreed and I took hold of the 9" needle. Watching the ultrasound screen, in a few seconds I found the sack and we started filling 2 liter bottles with the liquid. It was a 12 liters day, requiring six two liter bottles. My father in law drove me there that day, and he was watching the proceedings, but it was too much even for him. He passed out and had to be put on a gurney. Both the doc and my FIL were traumatized. The nurse joked with me about it. I eventually got a liver transplant and that issue went away. I am almost at the 20 years mark.
1. Dead babies brought in.
2. 17y girl stabbed in the heart by someone who tried to steal her cellphone, dead on arrival.
3. Lady attacked by pet python. I clamped onto her wrist and wrapped itself around her neck, luckily she survived.
4. Guy took Viagra, effects did not wear off, 36 hrs later he came into ER because to pain was too much.
5. Police officer shot in the face, had to have total reconstructive surgery.
so much more...
I had a severely psychotic patient who was convinced she had consumed human flesh and was always trying to induce vomiting. She was eventually discharged. Later she was re-admitted when her relative (a new mother) had caught this patient preparing to eat the baby.
As a paramedic with over 25 years in the job I have witnessed a lot of things.
One that sticks with me is a call I dealt with over 20 years ago. A lady dialled 999 and the call was passed as "broken finger". It was only when we arrived we found that she had actually broken a finger nail, and was wanting us to fix it as she was going to a dinner party and wanted to look her best. For context, the patient lived in a large house with a private drive and considered herself to be in the upper class.
My crew mate did indeed 'fix' the broken finger nail back on, with a big comedy bandage you would normally expect to see in a cartoon. Our patient was not impressed by this, as it made her look ridiculous, and she uttered that immortal line "I will get you sacked for this".
My crew mate, being less subtle than me, educated the lady on the inappropriateness of the situation (in words of very few syllabus) and it would be a shame if we did get sacked and details of this call 'leaked' to the press. I don't believe a complaint was ever made...
Saw this guy who ‘accidentally’ injected an epipen into his junk. He got worried and came in to the ED. He claimed he it was totally an accident and just wanted to see how the thing worked, but his friend told us he was out of viagra and wanted to see if the epipen works as a replacement, since it’s epinephrine/adrenaline. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t
I work registration in the emergency room…I’ve seen some weird stuff in the month and a half I’ve been here. We had one woman come in with a lit cigarette and a newborn…she had given birth in her car, and decided to wait to come in so she could finish smoking.
When I was about 5 or 6 I shoved a peanut so far up my nose I had to go to hospital to have it removed, the thing that I remember most was how surprised I was that the doctor just dropped the peanut (once removed) down the back of a radiator instead of giving it back to me to eat.
Urgent care registration staff here. Had a man come in because he "needed a boil on his arm checked out". I didn't ask him to, but he unzipped his jacket (no shirt on underneath) and showed me his arms. This was NOT just a boil, he had rubber surgical drains coming out multiple sites on each arm. He had left an out of state hospital where he was being treated for purulent cellulitis without notifying doctors or getting his Rx for antibiotics. He said he had to get to Montana for a friend's funeral and didn't have time to stop long. Our doctors told him his case was too severe and he needed to go to the ER because he was septic. He refused an ambulance ride and said he'd drive himself. We checked hospital records later that day and the man never checked in at the ER. He just continued his drive across state lines. Maybe there were eventually 2 funerals in Montana that day.
Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia, i was a fairly nee nurse and the diagnosis was a long shot. It took 8-10 weeks to get the results and by then everyone assumed it was negative. Surprise!!!
A patient who filled a condom with Hard as Nails (a glue that sets hard as nails) inserted it while glue was still not set. Then it set and it took every surgical instrument we could think of to extract it
My co worker from years ago was a RN and she was fond of casually telling ER horror stories. One memorable story she told was when this motorcyclist was brought into ER, fully conscious, but he had a broom handle that had impaled him through the stomach, he had somehow run into a broom stick. He had been wearing a leather jacket and the zipper had come out the other side.
My mom was an ER doctor. Years ago an older man had a motorcycle wreck on the turnpike and they were ready when he came in. Everyone took their places (he was unconscious) and began cutting clothes off. All of the sudden everyone stopped…. He had a tiny padlock through the end of his penis with a chain going up to a nipple and a tiny lick holding it there. No keys to fit on his person. They had to call maintenance to bring cutters to cut the locks.
Guy had a penile pump. His wife gave him a powerful bj and the thing popped! He’d come in for a replacement
My mum, before retirement was a diabetic wound care specialist (UK based). One patient (no names were given) she told me about was a gentleman who came in with what looked like lots of ulcers over his leg. For those who don’t know about diabetes, patients have to look after their legs and feet due to circulation issues, due to not looking after their blood sugars. Anyway, this gentleman had these ulcers on his legs and my mum asked “what on earth had happened?!!” Turned out that due to his diabetes he had lost the feeling in his legs and he was chatting away on the telephone, not realising that his new puppy had been chomping away at his legs!!!!
Why are so many sexual stupid problems are clogging up our ER's? I am not a prude I was a nurse years ago. We had this problem then but I don't think as frequently. People don't want to or can't learn or learn from uneducated media (Facebook and the like) are promoting these problems with gusto! Example if hand sanitizer kills COVID - drink some - it has been done with the same results as COVID! People just use that thing called a brain and maybe it will save your life or save you from a stupid embarrassing situation.
Some years ago, I was checking into a hospital so I could get an MRI of my spine. As I was giving my info to the admin person, a man (~50's?) rushed in wearing a woman's robe. He bumped me out of the way and told the woman behind the counter "I need to see a doctor NOW! I got my penis caught in my zipper!" She politely instructed him to stand back and she would go get someone to help him, which she did. I sat there with my jaw on the floor, trying really hard not to look at the poor guy, but you know, train wreck. He moved over to a corner near the doors that medical staff would call people from and was wrestling with his issue. The admin lady came back and apologized for the interruption. We continued with my in processing and someone came to get the poor guy with the zipper mishap. Just as we were about to wrap up, one of the nurses came out to the admin lady, handed her an ID and insurance card and said "We're gonna have to admit this guy. He's into the meat and we need to do surgery".
My admission process was completed by then, so I went to sit and wait for my turn to be seen. I played these events back in my head and just couldn't get over the poor guys condition and appearance. Was he caught in the act of something naughty? Was that his wife's robe? At what point do you decide it might be a good idea to seek medical assistance? Dang!!
My dad is an er doc and I’ve heard it all. Eyeball hanging out by optic nerve. Saved the eye. Also cysts. Lots and lots of cysts. Cups of pus. I will never be a doctor due to these stories.
Parents brought their 8 yo daughter in with a crooked forearm, stating they had no idea what happened. Turns out the girl broke her arm right before departing on a Disney vacation. They asked her if she'd rather go to the hospital or go on vacation. She chose vacation (shock) and as a result of really poor parenting, something that would have been remedied with a simple cast turned into surgery and a longer, more painful recovery for their daughter.
My Grandparents were always at the hospital (both with long-term conditions), and they loved talking to other patients. Grandad got chatting to a man in his early 30s with a hole in his heart. I had been told that is a condition babies Always die from, very soon after birth.
A mom and her adult son came to the ER one Saturday evening with a complaint of "cholesterol crisis."
I work in an Emergency Operations Centre where the emergency calls come in. Took a call from someone reporting an RTC. Patient wasn't breathing well so I advised the caller to put one hand on the patient's forehead and another hand under their neck and to tilt the head back to open the airways. Caller said 'I'm not going to do that'. When I asked why he said 'He doesn't have a forehead any more'. The patient had jumped from a bridge and then been hit by a lorry and dragged several feet along the tarmac.
Not a doctor but I manage medical care so I've seen it all. One lady worked in a cannery for decades. Not young.
Decided she had suffered little bits of metal in her vajayjay from her work. Went to the clinic, spread herself wide, and insisted the poor doctor take a long hard look. Poor guy. She was just crazy is all.
Not a medical worker and not a patient but my little sister once broke her collar bone on a family mountain biking trip. Was in extreme pain but decided not to tell anyone so that she could go swimming later. Jumped into a tube while swimming and ended up breaking it in another place. Had to get screws or whatever. I decided to not know all the details as medical stuff makes me nauseous. She's all good now though, still doing stupid reckless crap and i'm still waiting for her next ER visit.
I used to clean operating rooms at a local hospital. There was a little dumbwaiter type setup that went from the o.r. rooms to the morgue. It was always open when my shift began. Sometimes there were sad things in there (a child's finger), but we were always amazed by the sheer number and variety of things we saw that were removed from peoples butts! The weirdest was a mannequin hand!