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Person Asks What Married People Want All Unmarried People To Know About Married Life, 21 Deliver
Article created by: Mantas Kačerauskas
Some couples are so focused on getting things ready for their amazing wedding that they don’t spend enough time thinking about what happens after saying, “I do.” The realities of married life might clash with their expectations (if any) about what it would all be like, and it might lead to some resentment, fiery arguments, and overall bitterness. Fortunately, not all hope is lost!
There’s a lot of wisdom hidden on the internet—you just need to know where to look. And handy tips and tricks about married life are no exception. Married internet users, tried-and-tested veterans of long-term relationships, took to the r/AskReddit subreddit to share their best bits of advice that they think every non-married couple should know before tying the proverbial knot.
We’ve collected their best insights into married life, so scroll down and have a read, dear Pandas. From how vital it is to support one another to keeping date nights alive and well and beyond, you’ll find a wealth of heartfelt relationship guidance below.
I reached out to dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man project, for his insights on marriage and married life. "In my experience, marriage has been completely different to just being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Since both my wife and I take the vow of marriage seriously and have sincerely married each other, we treat each other as though we really are going to be together for life," Dan, who has been together with his wife for 9 years, told Bored Panda.
"When you’re in a marriage for real, you approach the relationship in a way where you are in it for life and therefore, you sincerely care about how you make the other person feel and their experience in the relationship on a daily basis. They are literally the most important person to you and you act accordingly." Scroll down to take a peek at the expert's other thoughts on married life, dear Readers.
When you’re done reading, you might want to check out this Bored Panda article right here about married life. And if you’re in a healthy, happy relationship, why not share your own married life tips in the comments? We’re sure you’ve got some great ideas, Pandas.
- Read More: Person Asks What Married People Want All Unmarried People To Know About Married Life, 30 Deliver
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#1
The best thing about marriage is that there is always someone there when you come home. The worst part of marriage is that there is always someone there when you come home.
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#2
If you're more interested in the Wedding itself than the idea of being married, you're not ready to be married
#3
Kids make everything more complicated, harder, and infinitely more stressful. Your entire world will be turned upside down. Or at least it should be. Please don't procreate unless you're absolutely sure you're able to handle it.
#4
Marriage is rarely two strong people, it’s about taking turns being strong for each other.
I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. You will both have days when your relationship feels invincible, and there can be months where one of you is depressed or hurting. You both have to be willing to support each other no matter the circumstances.
Don’t sweep problems under the rug. Fight it out & make up.
Your partner has to be your number one priority, over your career & extended family.
#5
Just because people have always told you that marriage and kids go hand in hand, it doesn’t mean that has to be true for you.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and are never having kids. We just want to focus on each other and our individual/couple goals in life.
#7
Make sure you both are on the same page when it comes to priorities and core values that affect your daily lives. If you aren’t now, you probably won’t be after getting married either.
#8
Marriage isn't always a 50/50 partnership. Sometimes, it's 70/30. Sometimes it's 80/20. Sometimes it's 100/0.
This isn't a reflection on effort or commitment. That should always be 100%. What this means is that you will sometimes have to work harder than the other for one reason or another. Ex. If one becomes sick, then the other must pick up the slack. Maybe I'm oversimplifying it, but the married folk will understand what I am saying.
#9
Live together before getting married. You can only really know a person if you go through all kinds of situations with him/her.
#11
Things will change so try to grow together rather than grow apart. You have to communicate with your partner. Don’t hurt them on purpose. Do the dishes even after you worked all day because it’s nice sometimes.
#12
Marriages thrive on kindness. It's all encompassing, covering all aspects of a life. When you are kind to your spouse above all others, it's exponential.
#13
Me and my wife were friends with a Astrophysicist, super chill guy always had a philosopher at his side to "help ground" him. Anyways we told him we planned on marrying and he asked us if he could give us two words of advice. He said "stay friends" and at first we felt his advice went against the whole idea of stepping it up to marriage, we were wrong. After a year of separation we started dating again and took his advice, 12 years of friendship.
#14
I got some super cheesy advice (I forget where, it could have come out of a fortune cookie):
"The work of keeping a marriage solid should be split 80/20 with both sides doing 80%."
Super cheesy right? Totally works.
#15
After 20 years married (married originally at 23 and 21) the most important thing I’ve learned is that you need to be ready to marry your partner several times in your lifetime. We all change, sometimes drastically. Children, careers, aging, you name it! Your priorities today will not be your priories tomorrow. Same likely for your interests, friends, politics.
I like to say that so far I’ve married my wife three times. As your partner changes, you need to learn to appreciate and fall in love with the new person they become. Most simply become resentful and hurt. “You used to....” Avoid any thought that begins with those words. They are poison. Focus on love, appreciation and getting to know your partner over and over. Variety is the spice of life after all...
#16
"The one" does not exist. There are many. Different people from different situations create different relationships. There is not only one way to live your life. There are many paths, many potential partners. Just make sure the one you chose is good for you.
#17
My dad always told me "Son, don't marry the girl you can't live without; marry the girl you can live with"
#18
My wife and I have a word, when spoken, we have to drop everything, halt hostilities, and go cuddle each other for at least 5 minutes.
And then.. she forgets what she was mad about!
#19
I tied the knot with my wife 2.5 years after first meeting her. (really, really fast)
I've dated girls longer than I've known my wife. Don't get married because you have to, don't get married because "Well, it's been long enough we should probably do the thing." Get married because you know you can live with their quirks for the rest of your life, and get married when you're ready.
You are about to gain an entirely new side to your family. All their drama, all their family events, all their everything, and it's the most shocking part. Basically double your current amount of time you need to spend with relatives.
Your partner comes first, and as long as you both think this you'll be fine. When you have kids remember that you loved your partner first.
You guys are a TEAM. "The one who cares least controls the relationships" is terrible advice because that's not a relationship, that's a competition. It's not you vs them, it's both of you vs everyone else. Have their back, and they'll have yours. In other words, don't worry about wearing the pants in the relationship.
#20
Know what each others 'Love Language' is. There are 5: Physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, act of service, and quality time. One of these is your major love language and the other is your minor. These are what your partner can do for you to make you feel loved. Once you know how to make your partner feel loved and visa-versa it makes for such a wonderful relationship.
It's good to know these because, for example, you may think that showering your partner with gifts is a way to show love because that is how you feel loved. When, in fact, making them a cup of coffee in the morning means a lot more because 'act of service' is their love language.
Take the quiz at: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Trust me....take it!!!!
#21
You need to actually sit down and discuss what you view as your future. I had some friends horribly break up; they were of two different religions and it hadn't been an issue as they didn't really practice and did Jewish holidays with one, Christian the other, nbd. Apparently the wife thought that even though they were doing both, the kids would be of her religion because the mother is the one who passes the religion along, and he thought they'd continue celebrating both. It ended up being the end of the marriage. How they got that far without realizing that religion was an issue is unknown to me, but I'm also not the only person who knows someone this happened to. Also: Money. You need to talk about your money expectations for the future. I was told when I was engaged that the most common things married couples fight about are money and where to spend the holidays, and it seems to be totally accurate.
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