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Couple Put Their 3-Month-Old Daughter Up For Adoption Because She’s “Not A Good Fit”, Face Backlash
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Couple Put Their 3-Month-Old Daughter Up For Adoption Because She’s “Not A Good Fit”, Face Backlash

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The decision to have a baby can be loaded with romance, but it also comes with a fair amount of uncertainty. On the one hand, there is the possibility of joy and new meaning in your life, but on the other, it requires you to sacrifice your freedom and flexibility.

This man and his spouse weren’t ready for it. He made a post on the subreddit ‘Parenting,’ describing how detached his wife was from her role of being a mom, and even though at first it sounded like there was plenty of room for the benefit of the doubt, the subsequent updates the man released on his family revealed a much grimmer reality.

This couple weren’t ready to have a baby

Image credits: Carlos Santiago (not the actual photo)

But they realized it only after the birth of their daughter

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Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

Image credits: workingwifethrowaway

As the story went viral, people started guessing the reason behind the woman’s indifference

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Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)

The postpartum period begins after the delivery of the baby and ends when the mom’s body has nearly returned to its pre-pregnant state. It often lasts 6 to 8 weeks and involves them moving through many changes, both emotionally and physically.

However, experts highlight that this stage also involves the mom and her partner learning how to care for their newborn as well as how to function as a changed family unit.

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Aurélie Athan, a reproductive psychologist at Columbia University, compares it to the awkwardness of adolescence. “It’s a holistic change in multiple domains of your life,” she told NPR. “You’re going to feel it perhaps bodily, psychologically. You’re going to feel it with your peer groups. You’re going to feel it at your job. You’re going to feel it in terms of the big philosophical questions.”

Caring for the baby day in and day out is particularly difficult in that first year, but as parents get the hang of things and become more confident, they start to recognize the person they were and have always been.

Talking to the same publisher, clinical psychologist Pria Alpern suggested that rather than thinking about it as a loss of identity, motherhood should be reframed as an evolution, a stage that empowers you. However, the Redditor’s wife did not do this.

Later, the author of the post released an update

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

Image credits: workingwifethrowaway

He then provided a few more details in the comments

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And made another follow-up post full of unsettling revelations

Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)




Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)


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Image credits: workingwifethrowaway

He then made the final update

Image credits: Oană Andrei (not the actual photo)



Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)



Image credits: workingwifethrowaway

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

For much of the country’s history, placing a child up for adoption was an obligation, not a choice, generally for poor, single women. In the decades after World War II, more than 3 million young pregnant women were “funneled into an often-coercive system they could neither understand nor resist,” Gabrielle Glaser explained in her recent book, American Baby. They lived with strangers as servants or hid in maternity homes until they gave birth, only to be pressured into closed adoptions, after which biological mothers and their babies had no contact.

However, since the mid-1970s—the end of the so-called baby-scoop era—the percentage of never-married women who relinquish their infants has declined from nearly 9 percent to less than 1 percent.

Now, of the nearly 4 million American children who are born each year, only about 18,000 are voluntarily given up for adoption.

Adoption is permanent. It’s a big decision, but there are plenty of ways to get support that will help you. A good place to start is by talking to a social worker at the hospital where you have the baby or to adoption services in your state or territory (listed below).

The decision this couple made is not only a big one, but it’s permanent, and the fact that the main—and, quite possibly, only—reason behind it was inconvenience, leaves little room for empathy.

People were disgusted by the unexpected turn of events



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christinekuhn avatar
Ael
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the first parents to realise they weren't fit to parent a child only after it was born, but at least a couple who decides to do what is best for the CHILD. Instead, like so many others, keeping it because "what will the neighbours say" and harming it for life. The baby will grow up in a loving family - hopefully.

lisa6060 avatar
Wanderwoman
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, no AH to realise parenting is not for them and finding her a good home. But to think you can then just drop by for the holidays, forever pouring salt into this kids wounds, is unrealistic at best and cruel at worst

Load More Replies...
jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so confused by this story. How did they go from 'different parenting styles' to just totally opting out of parenting and choosing adoption? I mean OP says he is 'doting' and interactive and then it just seems like he gives up and agrees to put the baby up for adoption? No judgement either way, I'm just confused about the massive leap they made? OP said wife does not have PND but is it possible both parents are neurodiverse. The language here is just... off.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just went to reddit to read OP replies... it is.... enlightening. Commenter: Giving the baby up would ultimately be in her best interest but the way you talk about her like a piece of furniture that isn't your style is... unsettling. OP: ...at the risk of sounding callous, not an inaccurate comparison. I love my daughter not unlike I love a favored item. I would be disappointed if that item were to be suddenly gone, just as I am disappointed my daughter is gone, but it is a loss from which I can recover.

Load More Replies...
sonjahackel avatar
sturmwesen
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how people are all for children being in families, that care for them but don't you dare realize you are not fit to be a parent and give it to people that can. If you abort you are a killer, if you don't become pregnant you destroy society, if you give birth you better not have made a mistake because if you keep it or not: you will be judged.

nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! I think they should be praised to do what‘s right for the kid!

Load More Replies...
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christinekuhn avatar
Ael
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the first parents to realise they weren't fit to parent a child only after it was born, but at least a couple who decides to do what is best for the CHILD. Instead, like so many others, keeping it because "what will the neighbours say" and harming it for life. The baby will grow up in a loving family - hopefully.

lisa6060 avatar
Wanderwoman
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, no AH to realise parenting is not for them and finding her a good home. But to think you can then just drop by for the holidays, forever pouring salt into this kids wounds, is unrealistic at best and cruel at worst

Load More Replies...
jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so confused by this story. How did they go from 'different parenting styles' to just totally opting out of parenting and choosing adoption? I mean OP says he is 'doting' and interactive and then it just seems like he gives up and agrees to put the baby up for adoption? No judgement either way, I'm just confused about the massive leap they made? OP said wife does not have PND but is it possible both parents are neurodiverse. The language here is just... off.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just went to reddit to read OP replies... it is.... enlightening. Commenter: Giving the baby up would ultimately be in her best interest but the way you talk about her like a piece of furniture that isn't your style is... unsettling. OP: ...at the risk of sounding callous, not an inaccurate comparison. I love my daughter not unlike I love a favored item. I would be disappointed if that item were to be suddenly gone, just as I am disappointed my daughter is gone, but it is a loss from which I can recover.

Load More Replies...
sonjahackel avatar
sturmwesen
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how people are all for children being in families, that care for them but don't you dare realize you are not fit to be a parent and give it to people that can. If you abort you are a killer, if you don't become pregnant you destroy society, if you give birth you better not have made a mistake because if you keep it or not: you will be judged.

nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! I think they should be praised to do what‘s right for the kid!

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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