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Hey Pandas, What’s The Biggest Red Flag You’ve Ever Seen From Someone You Were Dating? (Closed)
On our quest to find that perfect someone special, we'll come across many who may initially spark some interest in us, only to suddenly reveal a red flag that screams at us to turn around and look in another direction!
So, Pandas, what's the biggest red flag you've ever seen from a potential mate?
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He didn't apologize when late(ever). He wouldn't tell me if he wasn't coming home for the night. he would get really angry from the smallest things and just leave if he felt he was "losing" the argument. Oh and he hit me!(just once im not goin to anyone the chance to do that to me twice)
I'm sorry you had to endure all that, but it makes me happy to know you respected yourself and dumped this pathetic excuse for a human being? Hope you're doing much better now x
He told me his brother raped his ex-wife... then invited me out to coffee with his brother..
She would constantly insult me (mostly for my weight) and whenever I'd call her out for it, she'd either say she was joking or blame me for being sensitive
She also got real friendly with a guy (cheated on me with him on video call), but would get upset when I'd even mention other girls (I'm not allowed to have friends)
For clarification, she cheated on me while I was on a video call with her. Like i called her and she answered WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING
My biggest red flag was from a woman who I met online and who lived just over an hour away. She seemed really nice and agreed with a huge amount of my opinions, she honestly seemed like she just wanted to have a loving man to love in return. Just when I was ready to start talking with her about meeting in person, she casually threw out that whoever she married had to convert to her religion, so that she could get married in her church and her family would attend, even though she supposedly wasn't really practicing. She claimed to believe in Jesus but differentiated her religion from Christianity; when I asked her what her religion was, she didn't want to talk about it until I was with her and her family in person and we had already talked about marriage to them. She was not at all willing to consider converting, herself, even though she supposedly didn't really practice her religion. With all that, she was already hiding at this early stage, who knows what else she would be hiding?
Every Ex he had was crazy. In fact all women were crazy, according to him. But not me, I was special. Yeah, turned out to be a raging narcissist I wasted three years on.
When you think every other person is the problem, the truth is usually that you're the problem! I'm so sorry that you wasted 3 years on him. I hope you're living a much happier life now!
After he was extremely rude to the waitress and rambled incessantly about himself..
I didn't return his texts/calls..
so he sent me flowers at work..
the next day he texted.. "I bet no one ever sent you flowers at work before..."
Wow, so he was obsessive *and* rude. I wonder if he ever figured out why you wanted nothing more to do with him....
When he acted out verbally and violently, he blamed me stating it was MY FAULT that I made him act like that.
I wasn't dating her, in fact I had never met her up until this one night. I was at the pub having a beer and playing the Buck Hunter game with my brother and this girl comes over and goes "You like hunting?" And I respond "Nah not really I just play the game here" and she goes "You wanna come back to my place and see my pigg'n knife?"........"ummm no thank you". This is the only time someone has tried to pick me up and it was terrifying lol
She was married, not separated, like still married. I met her kid, she told me she was separated. Really liked her too. I should have figured it out, she never spent the whole night, would leave around midnight, I was never allowed to go to her house. I thought it was because she didn't want to confuse her daughter. Was talking to her friend one day, and her friend let it slip. I asked if she'd heard from my GF cause I couldn't get in touch with her. The friend said she was out with her husband.
You mean ex-husband?
No, they're still together
Anyways, the friend thought I knew that she was cheating with me. I did not. I never spoke with her again.
More likely than not, if a person will cheat on someone with you, they'll eventually cheat on you with somebody else.
"these Females"
or just referring to women as females in general.
Her ex showed up at our first (and only) date!
How bizarre! Did she invite her ex? How did he know about it? Even if she invited him (HUGE red flag!), why would he be a jerk enough to go to it? He had his chance with her, give someone else a chance!
Blind date, set up by an acquaintance who lived on my street. She says that I'd be absolutely perfect for her friend. Friend sets up a date for us, we chat blindly the week of for 30 minutes. Get to the restaurant to discover a heavyweight body builder who makes The Rock look small. An hour into dinner, he's confessing his extreme interest in me. Such a great match, etc. After dinner, he's basically naming our children. I try to be diplomatic and kind, telling him that I wasn't thinking long term about anyone. He starts balling! Big shuddering cries, like he just lost a loved one. I had known him for less than 3 hours. Years later, I still believe the emotional volatility was connected to performance enhancing drugs. It was wild.
Just a one and done date. Met a woman online, spoke a few times, agreed to meet up for dinner. All was going very well. Good food, some drinks, good conversation, the usual questions to get to know more about the other person. I paid because the restaurant was my suggestion. Walked her to her car to talk a little more, agreed on a second date, and opened her door for her. She leaned in for what I was going to be a hug. She said “I really” like you, then proceeded to lick the side of my face while rubbing my junk. Too stunned to say anything, I just closed her door after she got in. There was no second date
They liked hurting me. Not emotionally, but they really liked twisting my arm and kicking my shins and stuff.
Wow! That sounds like something an immature 5 year old would do to get someone's attention... no, even 5 year olds know better than to hurt someone they like. That's just abusive behavior. I hope you're far away from them now!
Not me, but a friend's relationship. Basically every bad sign possible.
1. He wanted her to stop talking to other guys
2. He kept complaining about "oh your friend this" and "your friend that" always complaining about how her friends came before him
3. Didn't respect her boundaries about Pda AT ALL
4. Bought condoms two weeks into their relationship ( both were freshman in high school)
5. Asked her to flash him 3 weeks in. She said no and he threw a hissy-fit.
6. After she FINALLY broke up with him he was trying to manipulate her saying he was gonna cut himself and all that b******t. (He's still alive and plenty happy)
So..... Yeah
Buying condoms early is fine. Was expecting to use them right away is not. Don't brag about getting them. IF discussions gear towards intimacy, then it's okay to bring them up, with the caveat that they are available if and only if the two of you are ready, and it's okay not to be.
Everything *had* to be done on her agenda, clock, need. We went to view a house once (it would have been my money invested) and I was on room 2. She had viewed the whole place, declared she loved it and was talking figures with the agent. She whistled at me (like a dog) to get me to go and find them and I said no. She had the biggest meltdown. She also asked me to lie on her behalf to our other partner. She threatened to unalive herself as she knew his sister passed that way so he would never leave. Massive narcissist and huge red flags for me.
It's good to know that you saw those red flags. I hope you got out of that relationship quickly.
I was with someone for a very short amount of time who...I've never met anyone who loved being a victim more. If she broke her leg it would have been the best day or her life because she loved nothing more than being the center of attention for being 'hurt'.
She always talked about her mental illnesses, and she always had a string of them. Anxiety, depression, bipolar, OCD,...every week it was something.
And it was always a competition- like who has it worse. We could be with a group of people and someone makes a comment about something she would always turn it around to how she understands because (suddenly) she has it too, but somehow always worse.
Or if someone is trying to vent, she always countered with 'Oh I know because I have it, too!" Meanwhile, she 's never been diagnosed, never been to a doctor and every time she heard of a new illness that she thought could give her even a bit of attention and sympathy, suddenly she had it.
We were only together for about 4 weeks but it was a long 4 weeks, lol.
It was a blind date for the 4th of July with a friend's boyfriend's best friend. We were all talking, when suddenly, in response to someone's comment, he snarled, "All women are bitches". Thankfully, I had driven my own car, so I just smiled pleasantly, picked up my purse and left. I ran into him again several months later and he acted like we were besties who had not seen each other in ages. I just smiled pleasantly, turned down his invitation to hang out, and left.
I was telling him something that has happened earlier that day that I thought he might find interesting. He interrupted me and asked, "Does this directly affect me?" I should have realized right then he was a narcissist... Well, it would have helped if I knew what a narcissist was at the time in my life. This was eleven years ago, before narcissism became pandemic. As it was, I should have ended it on the spot, because in every relationship I was in before that, we both understood that anything that affected one of us , affected the other. It was never that way with him.
Wow! How can anybody enter a relationship with someone and not be concerned about them? That's just unfathomable to me!
Not being respectful of one's boundaries or their opinion/s. Straight away denying the thought of other people having a different perspective.
Not willing to accept their fault/s and learn to evolve as a human.
Finding faults with others, criticizing them.
Jealousy of a date from start on. Jealousy for no reason other than, well … being jealous and mistaking that as a gesture of affection. No thanks.
Started screaming at me, over morning coffee, "Why do you have money and I can't have any!"
One other one that was pretty bad... In college after I was out of the Navy, I met a girl who was short and cute, really sweet and fun. I quickly started to fall for her, even kissed her a couple of times. One day, she hadn't been in school on Friday, so on Monday I asked how her weekend was. She claimed that Queen Elizabeth, of England, had flown her out to England so that she could ride horses for the queen. I was flabbergasted that she could make up such a far-fetched story. She lived in a dusty little desert town a half hour away from the city where the college was, and nobody lived there if they could help it. There was no way that she was living there and flying to England for the Queen.
I finally told her that she didn't need to lie to impress me, that I already liked and admired her, and wanted to get to know her even better. Sadly, she insisted that she was telling the truth, it really did happen.
I had noticed other lies she had told before, but I didn't realize it was this serious. I unfortunately called it quits with her. I wasn't sure whether she was delusional or psychotic, but either way, I wasn't about to date crazy.
He farted and it smelled exactly like cat s**t.. I just couldn't get past it..
Whenever I was near him and his friends came santuraing up to him. He completly ignored me and acted like I wasn't there. He then later broke my heart and apprently said to one of my friends he has other options besides me
Well, let's see... there's left hand and right hand... technically, those are other options! -- In all seriousness, though, I'm sorry he was such an egocentric jerk. I hope you're aware of your self worth and that you deserve someone who will be proud to be at your side!
Second date with a woman. On the way to dinner, asked me to drive by her ex's house. I did. Then drove her right back to her house and dropped her off without a word.
He told me his ex-girlfriend tried to poison him. Then I found out he was cheating on me with men and women, stole all my money and spent 9 years in jail… wish she succeeded.
Wasn't long relationship at all, but they tried convincing me over text that I was non binary like wtffffff
"If you wash your pussy before you go to work, I'll wonder why..."
Right, because the only reason to care about cleanliness is to cheat on someone... that guy has some serious insecurity issues!
This can be used as an example of a warning to you youngsters out there.
We dated for a month when I was 13, at the end of Grade 7. He was 14 but just passed grade 9. (He had a birthday later in the year, so he started Pre-K a bit earlier, like age 3.5.)
He would come over super early in the morning, around 7:30-8am every damn day, without even asking if it's ok. At my naïve, tender age I thought it meant he really liked being with me. I was just excited and giddy to have a boyfriend and a guy be interested in me among all the bullies and jerks in my school.
Our first date was to a movie. I get pretty engrossed in films, so I didn't think much of it that I didn't even turn to look at me, say anything or offer popcorn. But when he said "I forgot you were there." it hit me that, yeah, we were on a date and he didn't acknowledge me, nor put his arm around me at all. It felt off-putting.
This guy would always get me in trouble, keeping me out later than I was allowed, coercing me into doing dumb things.
Then he would just start biting me one day. Really hard. Not sure why but it he seemed to get a kick out of seeing me cry.
He started pushing me as we were walking down the street. Not sure why but at the time I thought he was being playful until an elderly lady saw and scolded him for it.
He would undo my bra over my shirt as we would walk outside. I found it super embarrassing.
He wanted me to show him my boobs one day but I adamantly refused, yelling at me to leave.
He hit on my bff in front of me and would make rude comments that my hair wasn't as soft as hers and my skin was rough.
When he took me to the fair grounds, he played some games, won some prizes. The carnies would ask him if he was giving his girlfriend the stuffed animals. He said he would but never did. Good riddance. At least I didn't have those to chuck away, too. It was a bit awkward, though and I felt humiliated. Other couples I saw that night the bfs were giving their stuffies to their gfs.
Since he was starting Grade 10 in fall, he was going to be going to one of the High Schools in the big community. I was already slated to go to a different catchment High School after Junior High. My bf started telling me I was going to go to his High School, in the same way a Father would speak to his children. Not in a hopeful way. I told him I had to go to the other one. He got more firm and said "No, you're going to my High School. I'm not allowing it any other way." Like dafuq? Who did he think he is?
He bought me a ring one day. Told my mom before he showed me. Not sure what it meant but my mom asked if I knew in a mushy way. It was just a gift to me. I gave it back when we broke up. Friends told me I should've thrown it in the grass and make him hunt for it. But why have him stick around?
This was all in a month of dating this guy.
I swear I met him again many years later. I think he worked for a seedy management company that took over an apartment block I was living in. He said I looked familiar. Mind you, I keep getting told this by a lot of people, asking if I went to some school I never went to, in an area I never lived in. (I got some doppelgangers out there I've yet to see.) But he asked if I went to the same school, and I did know what school he was talking about but I played it dumb, made him look like the weirdo in front of his coworkers. It wasn't a great apartment and I wouldn't want that schmuck to poke fun at me living there.
Dated a guy for five months, we both had strong feelings for each other and talked about our future. I realized it wasn’t going to work out long term because we were too different and I ended it. I’ll admit even though it was my first relationship I should have ended it sooner because deep down I knew it wouldn’t have worked out, I just really enjoyed being with him, so that was my fault, I wasn’t assertive enough.
BUT right after we broke up he says “So now that we’re broken up, do you believe in soulmates?” And then starts talking about some girl he had met a long time ago who was his first love but now she’s married and has kids. He said he had never truly forgotten how that first love had felt and that he’d been looking for it ever since. Right after we broke up. Also I had told him that I love words of affirmation or little random notes as feeling loved, and he said “I have done those things to girls I’ve actually loved and I haven’t felt those same things for you so I haven’t done them because I don’t want them to be insincere.” I get not wanting to be insincere, but if you love or care about someone you DO WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY because it makes them happy, regardless of your insincerity at first. Its about putting in the effort to show you care, which is what he said he wasn’t willing to do. Sorry this is so long, rant over, we broke up a month ago and I’m still salty about what he said.
I hope that time will heal this for you, and bring a genuine, true love into your life!
Guy was really nice, friendly, soft-spoken, spiritual, cooked great food for me, etc.. And lived in an unhabitable squat. So I took him in. After a while he could not keep up the facade anymore. Started asking me "where are the camera's?"bc his ex spied on him together with the FBI. Then, got angry every time my bff visited me for a cup of tea because we were plotting against him. Almost stabbed my brother with a knife. Refused to find work, preferred to live off me. One day we had an argument about that and he threatened to hit me. I'd had enough and told him to try, but I would hit him back and hard, because I'm into fitness and he was not, and I would kick his *ss out into the street. He did not try. That was the end of our relationship and good riddance.
Edit: biggest red flag was probably him asking me about the cameras.
On our second date we went to a bar for a drink when we came out she wanted to go to a spiritualist church we sat down and I heard a crash and this very loud rattling noise. I looked down and my girlfriend had the charity box from the bar we had just been in. She had actually stolen a charity box. Needles to say the relationship did not last.
they were being transphobic
I'll never understand why some people can't accept people for who they are. Other people's nationality, sexuality, gender or religious beliefs are not a valid reason to dislike or hate them.
Talking about how she hated guys, while seducing me in her corsette.
...I woke up with crabs.
Was that her idea of revenge against guys in general? Or was she seriously that unaware of what was going on with her own body?
He had a knife collection which was apparently raided by the police... He showed me the ones that weren't consficated, one of them was roughly the length of my elbow to my shoulder.
When I found out she was lying about sexual abuse by her mom's ex-boyfriend. It makes me wonder sometimes what lies shes probably telling about me.
Honestly, I've never met a nice man. I've been raped, beaten, abused, treated like s**t. By every man I've ever met, boyfriend or other, from my father to my ex-husband . I hate them all. Except my awesome sons. Something right happened there. I love how my older son is so considerate of his wife. I love how my younger son takes action against violence.
So so many others. Men don't really give a s**t and I'm so done.
He lied a lot. It was crazy, later he broke up with me for no reason. I wanted to know why he broke up with me and it was because the whole time we were together, he was with someone else. Also he smoked and did drugs behind my back which made me feel really fricking uncomfortable.
The first man I was in love with was a liar. A good liar. So good, I couldn't tell if he was lying or telling the truth about anything. Nope. Not gonna live like that. He broke my heart.
