Be it a bad relationship, family, friends, job or any life situation that was/became toxic. What steps did you take to heal?
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Honestly? Just therapy. Best thing I ever did for myself! And I keep working on myself and the progress I've done after year of therapy has made a huge difference in my life and well-being. But you have to want it and work on it too.
Invest in yourself.
My girlfriend was toxic, we dated for about 11 months and broke up a couple of months ago. After that I would have more panic attacks and my S.A.D. (social anxiety disorder) got worse, but I thought about all the times we had bee together, the reason we broke up, and what she did wrong and right. I realized how she treated me and I got over it a bit ago. I'm now starting to date again, I asked someone i liked to the valentines dance and it went great.
After a very very toxic work situation I took time off for myself. I took some time to recharge, recoup and really think about what I wanted to do and what was important to me. I took up hobbies and reconnected with friends.
I kind of just told myself "F**k them, you're better than this" and started reaching out to people that I casually knew. Eventually those people became close friends, and I now have an entirely different social group!
Good for you. I did something similar - took me a while to believe it was the right thing to do and I was lonely for a while but, gradually, I've made new friends and they're a LOT kinder!!
So I went on a first date with a guy I'd met online. He was super sweet, and funny and we had a lot of shared interests.
I met him at the restaurant and he was exactly what I was expecting in terms of looks. But it became clear almost immediately that something was off. His personality was completely different. He didn't recognize a reference I made that he himself had made just two days prior and it was all around kind of strange. The date itself wasn't terrible. Food was good and conversation was smooth enough for me to kind of brush it off as fist date jitters...
And then the waitress spilled water on me.
It was a complete accident and I wasn't upset by it. I actually apologized myself because I'm socially awkward. We all kind of laughed it off. And then he said "wait til I tell ___ about this!"
I said "who's ___?"
___ was his open relationship girlfriend. The one who'd been holding most of our conversations online. I was immediately uncomfortable. I have nothing against open relationships and if that's what you are your partner/s are comfortable all the more power to you but it's not my thing. And on top of that I felt very lied to. Not once had either of them indicated I was talking to anyone but him and no where on his profile did it mention her.
He could tell I wasn't pleased and he begged me to meet her. Said I would really like her if given the chance and she already really liked me and to just please give her a chance. So against my better judgement I went.
I let him drive because Im bad at directions. (Again incredibly stupid in hindsight. Never get int he car with a stranger.) And we met her at their shared apartment. She was nice enough. Happy to finally meet me. But I just wasn't comfortable. I asked him to take me back to the restaurant so I could get my car and he agreed, even though he was clearly disappointed. On the way back he nearly fell asleep at the wheel and almost got us killed. Turns out he has narcolepsy and if you don't talk to him or distract him while he's driving he just sort of, drifts off. It was terrifying. I got back to my car pulled out my phone and blocked him/them immediately.
Deleted my dating app too. Haven't been on one since. I'd much rather take my chances in the real world.
I'm realizing I clicked on the wrong article... I meant to respond to the article asking about worst valentine experience. This is awkward....
I listened to the Mumford and Sons album "Sigh No More" after a really bad breakup. A lot.
Hard answer because there was a lot of trying and failing involved.
The three things that stand out are:
1. Give yourself time. You can't rush healing. If people are upset that you need space, than you probably need space from them as well. I had a lot of family and friends pressuring me to "move on/forward" all the time and it was very frustrating. I finally learned to be okay with just laughing and saying "No, I'd rather not. Why? I don't feel like it right now."
2. Therapy/counseling. It really does help. Even if you are like me and you helped produce the toxic environments you were stuck in (yay depression) they will be gentle with you but also very honest.
3. Remember that what you come out of does not necessarily make you stronger, but it does give you the ability to help others who are struggling. I feel weaker emotionally and mentally but I also take great joy in being able to see when others are struggling (because I've been there) and seeing how I can help a bit.
I recovered from the toxic periods of my life with prayer and many years of intensive psychotherapy by a very gifted and patient therapist. She saved my life! It was a lot of work and tears as so worth it. I learned so much from her.
