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30 Harsh Facts About Having Kids That Many Aren’t Even Aware Of, Shared By Disillusioned Parents
The statement that raising kids is the most difficult job in the world isn't just empty words. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, the majority of parents (62%) say that it has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it's been a lot harder.
Part of the reason for this might be that people often highlight the joyful and fulfilling moments with their children while glossing over the relentless challenges and sacrifices they make day in and day out. So when one Redditor asked everyone else on the platform to share the harsh realities of having kids, they received plenty of eye-opening replies.
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#1
That your kid doesn't owe you anything. They never asked to be born and you didn't do them a favor by bringing them here. You going through pregnancy and raising a baby and feeding and clothing them? That's your responsibility and not a favor.
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#2
You’ll be sad and miss the child who is gone as they age. Because of how much they change and grow, for the first several years they’re basically a new person every 6 months and you’ll miss who they were. For example, my son is nearly 7 and I sometimes miss my 2 year old, who was super cute and I loved dearly, but will never ever see again.
You love who they are as they grow, but there’s a palpable sadness that comes along with it, too.
gmf 1 year ago
If you want something that needs nurturing, feeding, cleaning up after, and constant attention for its entire life, get a dog. Half the joy of parenthood is that they do grow from being these helpless little homunculi into independent, strong and capable men and women of whom you can be proud.
#3
Sometimes your kids grow up and develop personalities that you don't like or that are incompatible with your own.
Jennifer Tucker 1 year ago
Most people won't admit, or talk about this one. My (43F) oldest child (21F) and I have a relationship like this. We love each other, but I don't think either one of us likes each other. It goes both ways. We value different things, and really just don't know how to relate to each other. But we love each other, so we keep trying. I'm hoping that the older she gets the more we will find a way to relate.
#4
You might not be attached to that child right away, maybe even for a while after, AND THAT IS OKAY. It is so completely okay to not know how to sort all that right away.
I had my first last year. I come from a long line of stoic women who show very little emotion even doing the most nurturing task. I was of course excited to finally be having kids, but when I paced around 41wks pregnant I felt no motherly bond. My body was doing something it was designed to do and I was along for the ride. When they layed her on my chest I reacted as they instructed me, that's all I had.
For the first month of her life I didn't feel that connection, and with waking every hour and a half for feeding plus seeing how it was stressing my partner out (who is not a night owl, and I am not an early bird) I too went into that stoic autopilot. My brain said "child needs x, provide x". I didn't even know what to call her! I'd be staring at this brand new little human and saying her name sounded too formal, but not addressing her before talking felt odd. My brain was slowly learning how to categorize all this.
Around week 6 (and after sleep was a bit better, waking every maybe 4 hours instead of 2?) I think that motherly instinct came around. Suddenly I could tell her different cries apart, and when I'd have conversation with her I found I'd sprinkle smiles and bounces in, it was great. I finally felt a small sparkle of mommy love. She's 8mos now and hell on wheels with her standing and scooting everywhere, haha. Now I know all about her and love her to pieces.
#5
That there are going to be some days you'll wish you didn't have children.
Yes, it happens. No, you're not a terrible parent. That s**t is hard.
#6
The amount of time you spend standing around waiting, at parks, playgrounds, to get out the door, into the car etc etc. I totally underestimated that.
#7
Children will (and should) say things that will hurt your feelings and p**s you off. Now, that's not to say they should be allowed to do so without any type of consequence, but this is a vital part of their growing and learning to become their own human.
The hard part is that you, as the adult, have to figure out how to navigate this without taking it personally, losing your s**t, and turning into a tyrant. You also have to learn when and how to address it, and when and how to let it go.
It's a really tough balancing act, especially if you have a child who is neurodivergent and struggles with impulse and emotional control.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
Yes, balance is very important. Please be fair, but also be careful.
Jenna Kay 1 year ago (edited)
And each child is different, so what works for A may not work for B. And you may parent different than your partner. My hubby did great with B, but A was a mystery to him, she is neurodivergent. I have no issues with A, she makes sense to me, but B was a very competitive, still is, and he likes to win, which has never been a driver for me, but I love him!!
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
I amazes me how many people hold kids to a higher standard. Examples; kids aren't allow to throw fits, or cry or have to share their toys. Kids are human. Humans will get angry, they will cry, they will throw "fits". Kids should be taught it is ok to say no to hugs when they don't want to be touched. I used to live with a friends mom., who was like another grandma to my son, and she would get mad at him when he didn't want to hug her. I would always have to remind her, he is allowed to say no. Also, the sharing thing is stupid. Yes, kids should be taught it is nice to share, but also, that you don't have to share. Adults aren't forced to share if they don't want to.
Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
In Germany it is quite common that parents tech their child that they don‘t have to share.
Load More Replies... Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
Honestly: don‘t think you are a bad person/ parent, if you DO take it personally at first and loose your temper! Just realize that your reaction might not have been ok. Be a human. Calm down, put yourself back together, go to your child and apologize! Then you can talk rationally and calmly. Tell them they hurt your feelings, but it‘s ok. You forgive them, you understand them, or if you don‘t understand, then tel them tat! Let them explain. LISTEN to them! They are humans too. They make mistakes, just like you. But they should be safe to make those mistakes with you! Be the person you want them to be. Be the role model. This does not mean that you must be perfect. On the contrary. Show them that imperfection is normal and ok. Just know when you made a mistake and own up to it! Even with your kids! Life will be easier
Kenneth Smith 1 year ago
Yes, yes, yes. Our children are allowed to have emotions, including being pissed at my wife and I. How they express those emotions is what matters. If they got it right 100% of the time, I'd have nothing to teach them. It's ok that my kids screw up. We correct the screw up for sure, but they do it, we deal with it, and we move on.
Mark Office 1 year ago
This is so true , my son is autistic among other things and it makes for a bloody hard life at times
Evelien Stijger Martens 1 year ago
Blijven zoeken, kijken en leren, ook of vooral over jezelf.
#8
Lots of good answers here already. So I’ll try to toss out a slightly different one. I call it the “black mirror” I feel like kids learn way more from watching you exist than from you teaching them. And sometimes I will see my older son speak a certain way to his brother or me. Or do a certain thing. And it’s like watching my bad habits or faults manifest in another being. In the best of times it makes me want to be a better person. But also I am human and I have faults. And I get tired or stressed or hungry or whatever like anyone else.
lenka 1 year ago
The mirroring is one of the biggest ones for me. I often call my children little mirrors. They do what they see. And they see me and their dad. The good the bad and the ugly. Nothing motivates me more to become a better person than seeing my children mirror my bad habits or behaviour.
#9
Not sure if this quite fits the question, but somethings I think about how much of a misnomer it is to say “having a baby”. That part is so brief, and also not at all the point. We’re not setting out to create a baby, but to create an adult. That’s the whole journey, and the most important part is helping a brand new kid—>adult with their whole psychological framing of everything, empathy, respect, patience, discipline, ambition, self esteem. Babies are kind of the easy part.
#10
Time goes so much faster. And not just because you're watching them grow up and change but just because every task with a kid takes SO LONG.
Tamra 1 year ago (edited)
Time really does fly. I look at my son, who will be 20 later this year, and I can still almost feel his little hand in mine when we walked together. I am absolutely proud of the kind, funny young man he's become, but I do miss holding that sweet little boy. It's bittersweet.
#11
You're unrealistically hopeful if you think your child will turn out how you want them to.
It is harder than juggling chainsaws to find a balance between being lenient enough to gain your child's respect, but strict enough that they learn to conduct themselves appropriately, be considerate of people other than themselves, and become decent humans.
You should have kids if you passionately want to, from the bottom of your heart. Not because 'it's what people do'. Not because your partner wants them. Not because your parents want grandchildren.
#12
That other people will never '*get it*' until they have one of their own. It's almost hilarious. "Oh, I will do x,y and z when we have our kid!" "How hard can THAT be?" "MY baby won't etc..." Then, when they actually do have a child, how it all goes out the f*****g window. Oh, and having a pet is *NOTHING* like having a kid. It just is not. You're pet isn't going to end up on heroin, or drive drunk, or join a cult.
Little Wonder 1 year ago
"Oh, and having a pet is *NOTHING* like having a kid. It just is not." I know, that's why I have pets and not kids.
#13
Think about how many times you use the bathroom. You probably poo once a day and pee 5 times per day.
Double that number. That's how many diapers you have to change **EVERY . SINGLE . DAY** for a newborn child.
Babies also don't stand still. They like to move around and wiggle. You aren't qualified when you can put a diaper on a doll. You are qualified when you can do it on a feral bobcat.
Raven DeathShade 1 year ago
I have 9 younger siblings, so I believe I am uniquely qualified for parenthood.
#14
Your mourn each stage they grow out of. Then you celebrate the new stage. It’s an going cycle of mourning and then celebrating.
You celebrate them crawling, then you realise that they’re not always going to crawl to you. You celebrate them going to school, then it hits you that you don’t have a baby anymore.
#15
Get a second fridge and watch your food bill soar. All your bills will soar. And right when all the bills are paid they will break something, need a hospital visit, or an event is coming up, or fate finds a way to siphon more money out of you.
#16
That any mental health or neurodivergent issues the parent has are going to be exacerbated x 100. That you will almost constantly feel like a f**k-up, either with regards to raising the child, to effectively handling the non-kid parts of your life.
#17
Say goodbye to your disposable income and sleeping through the night.
Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
Mommas: it‘s likely that your body will never go back to being able to have a nice deep sleep. You will be instantly awake if a pin drops for the rest of your life.
#18
Weekends spent in your car waiting for your offspring to complete various activities.
#19
That you go from your home to the office to relax, as opposed to the other way around.
I love working from the office on Friday. It's a work from home day for everyone, so my side is completely empty. Which, for me, is just relax in the chair, kick my feet up, and listen to some tunes without anyone bugging me.
#20
The love is so strong you wonder how your heart can hold it and knowing you would take a bullet, run into a burning building or do anything for them but also have many moments (often in the same day) when you think your head will explode from your internal screams of "I hate being a mother!".
Not Who You Think 1 year ago
There's nothing like that feeling of your heart overflowing with the love you get from WANTING to put someone else first.
#21
There is no one single way to parent that is universally right. All children are individuals and even within the same family each requires their own approach to everything. Also for future parents prepare yourself to feel Constant doubt about every decision and action you take with your kids forever. .
#22
If you truly care about your kids, the feeling of guilt is a daily experience.
Piwakawaka 1 year ago
Studies have been done with results showing that the top emotion felt by parents is guilt.
#23
How much they cost! I don’t have kids, but most of my friends do, and all I hear about is how they’re always broke because little Johnny did this and tiny Sarah ate a bee and that’s how they found out she’s allergic.. and I’m over here like, nah, I’ll just have a cat.
Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
Even if you take medical bills out of the equation because you don‘t live in the US, children need so much stuff! And sometimes you just want to give them that stuff (like for example a kid does not NEED a bike but you want them to have one). Even if you get stuff second hand etc
#24
That little kids get sick often as they are building up their immunity systems especially if they go to childcare or preschool. If your child is sick you have to stay home with them and miss work.
howdylee 1 year ago
Put my twins in daycare when they were 2.5 years old. Two weeks later, they're both super sick, for 2 weeks long. Still had to pay for their "spots" at the daycare even though we were home for those 2 weeks. Also fun when big sis got the illness from them, then both of us parents got sick also. 5 sick people, over Christmas. The good news is now at 8 years old, they're rarely sick!
#25
Your own flaws show up and you need to show at least a way to fix them. And school starts at eight. So the alarm goes at 5:55 ….
#26
Want to do something quickly? you can't. you now have another human to care for/think about for a very long time, even after they turn 18.
#27
There is a short person that insists on holding my hand when I use the toilet. Nobody explained the absolute lack of privacy you'll have.
#28
You are not their friend growing up. You are there to guide, curb and direct to make good choices on their own, have a compassionate backbone. These choices have to be age, intellectual, and emotionally appropriate. You are more experienced than your children but your perceptions of reality as a adult may be inappropriate based on their maturity. Be cautious of overburdening them with your vices or personal baggage.
Roger9er 1 year ago (edited)
That's what my father-in-law does, the latter. He complains to my wife and her sister - and does the same when I and/or my brother-in-law are present. He complains about his own wife, their mother to them, and they hate it. He shows up unannounced, without calling first, and then starts whining. He is therefore regularly sent away by them.
#29
Realizing that a “vacation” is now just listening to your kids fight, having to buy expensive food they won’t eat, and not sleeping for a couple of weeks a year.
There are moments when you feel like they’re enjoying things and building core memories, allowing you to feel the joy of having those experiences with them.
But in the end you’re just doing the same child care in a more expensive place
GoodWolf 1 year ago
Idk about that. We spend all day together doing fun things as a family. Everybody can eat whatever they want, the kid is hungry from all the activity and will eat more with less complaints. Bedtime doesn't matter, nobody has to get up early and the kid goes to sleep when she is tired. Everybody is in their best sunshine vacation mood. I love vacationing with my family!
#30
Being a parent is like being an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) Your job: Teach, mentor, and train. Your goal: Make them better than you at everything so they can be better for their turn.
#31
Actually believing your child when they say they’re scared. Sure, you *say* you‘ll believe them, but I’ve seen SO many mothers having their children come up to them, scared about something and they just say “oh it’s just your imagination” or “don’t be silly, ____ doesn’t exist”. Sure, they might be talking about say, monsters in their closets or being scared of the neighbours dog, but that doesn’t mean you should Just brush it aside. Say your child is scared of the dark, and they bring it up with you. should you brush it off as an irrational fear, or should you actually comfort and help them?
#32
A lot of people seem to think that parenting just ends once the kid turns 18, which is not true at all.
#34
You will almost certainly have a favorite child. This is normal. You at certain times will almost certainly regret having them. This is normal as well. Your children will often times seem uninterested and unthankful for you, especially before they mature into adults. This is normal as well. Depending on your situation, having children will limit your life style and likely delay your retirement. Your children will almost assuredly not be as successful, bright, or an all around good person as you would have hoped for. This is basically a certainty and does not necessarily reflect on you as a parent.
Alyssa Phillips 1 year ago
I have favorite situational children. It's like with any independent human. If I want to cuddle and read a book or watch a cute movie I go to my youngest. If I want to go on a physical activity, my son. And if I want to people watch and joke on how annoying everything is--my middle is so ready to be petty. (In a fun way). Trying to mix it up ends up everyone miserable.
#35
Never having privacy or solitude again for the rest of your life. Also children are in your thoughts 24/7 for the rest of your life, always there and always conscious of what they are doing. Even as adults mothers especially cannot forget anything about their children.
Tyke 1 year ago
I disagree with this one. My child is young, and knows to leave Mummy alone in the bathroom. We discussed "privacy" with him, he shuts the door when we he goes to the toilet - we don't barge in because.. privacy. Sometimes I take him out so Daddy can have some Daddy time. You can generally teach your kids this, just talk to them.
#36
The boredom if you are your child’s only playmate. Yeah you can be inventive and engaged a lot of the time but there will be long periods when they want to do the same thing over and over and over again and it’s so f*****g boring.
Aileen Grist 1 year ago
Children need to learn how to handle being bored too. Life has lots of boring times
#37
You *will* make mistakes. Theres no avoiding it. It doesn’t matter how many parenting books you read, or how many kids you raise, you will screw up. When that happens, you need to own it. You have to accept the mistake and improve, and if that mistake is big enough to cause a rift in your relationship, you need to accept that too, because trying to force a close relationship will only widen that rift.
#38
You can only be as happy as your unhappiest child. Your well-being is intrinsically tied to your children's.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
This is often true in reverse as well. When my mother was unhappy (which was most of the time), I would always end up feeling the same.
#39
Getting up at 6 in the morning even on weekends with very awake kids full of energy.
#40
How it can be very very boring. Sitting dead still trying to get the baby to sleep, listening to long rambling stories without any point, teaching them for the 10th time that they can sit down on the loo with their pants around their ankles and this makes the 'pulling pants up' job much easier, reminding "what do you say?" When giving them something, you know what I'm bored just writing these out.
#41
How absolutely exhausting and mind altering it is to no longer own your time. That is the main thing I couldn’t fully comprehend until I was in the thick of it. The process felt like dying and being reborn into a different self. And the grieving steps rang true as well. Denial, anger, acceptance, all that. Living every day to prioritize someone other than self is a LOT heavier in action than in words. Some people are more naturally inclined for it, I found out I was not, but wanted to be. So it’s been an intense growing process for me. Also, feeding them is more intense than you can imagine before having them. 3 meals, at least 2 snacks every single day. Again, in words it might not sound like much, but in action it is A LOT.
#42
There are so many. One of the major sacrifices is freedom and independence. Gone are the days when you can just do something. Now, everything needs intricate planning. People can downplay this aspect of parenthood, but it's very much a reality that surprisingly new parents overlook.
#43
No one ever talks about how truly HARD the postpartum period can be for mama, even with an uncomplicated, full term delivery. Healing is a painful process. Postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression are real things. The sheer exhaustion is indescribable. Hormones suddenly change. Breastfeeding has many challenges. All of this is going on while you have this helpless little person depending on you. And, at least in my case, I was so concerned about taking care of everyone else that I had forgotten all about taking any sort of care for myself. Still trying to fix this mentality years later. You can't pour from an empty cup. You don't cease to exist when you become a parent. You still matter. Priorities may change, but taking care of yourself so you can take care of your family should still make the list.
Kelly Scott 1 year ago
See, this is what I mean. We have beaucoup parents on here telling people what it's like to be a parent. Yet the people who want to be parents will totally ignore it, then complain that "nobody told us it would be this hard!" People, before you have kids, do your research! It's not that difficult.
#44
You can be busy all day but have nothing to show for it. It's incredibly difficult to get extra things done when you have kids. It can be frustrating to feel like you're standing still, when all you're doing is running around.
#45
The fact that when you have a kid, you sign up for an autistic one. You sign up for a disabled one. A chronically ill one. You are not somehow devoid of flaw because you did the bare minimum in keeping the child you selfishly brought into the world alive for as long as they need you.
Thom Serveaux 1 year ago
Ugh. This hurts. I'm neurodivergent and chronically ill--did I make my parents suffer because of it?
#46
When you have more than one kid, you have to realize they are not the same type of person as their sibling. Each kid is going to require a different parenting style and that can be really frustrating and hard to figure out. You're also learning how to be a parent the way you see fit. I'm growing as a person, just like my kids. And that is a hard thing to do. This is my first time existing in this reality, too. I'm trying to do my best.
Ineke Pronk 1 year ago
What works in raising one child does not always apply to the other and how you where raised as a child does not always work for raising your children. Which is fine as long as you adjust to find what does work and don't resort to violence because you can't be bothered to think.
#47
Your life changes completely from one day to the other. You no longer can go out by yourself and if you do no matter who's taking care of your baby or how close they are to you, the worry and anxiety of "how is my baby" is always there. You no longer know what being not anxious is. Even when you try to go out and have fun you have the guilt inside of "I have a kid I should be with them instead of here" You no longer can do anything by yourself. When they're babies pretty much your life only works around your babies naps so you no longer can watch your show and relax, or cook and relax, in general there's no more "Relaxing" in your life.
doredde 1 year ago
That´s why it is a privilege to have a choice and to really think about it well. Many women (men as well) do not have this choice or do not weigh the consequences good enough. Always remember, that bringing a human being into this world ( that YOU already know and are accustomed too), is a decision that you make for yourself and not for your child. With all the consequences and responsibilities on your side of the scale and no right to demand anything back. If you do good, the reward is coming naturally, but never have a child for YOUR convenience or retirement provision.
#48
You can’t make them want you in their lives. I went through an ugly divorce, and am happy to say I’ve salvaged a good relationship with my 2 oldest, but it does not appear I will with the third. Fingers crossed
#49
Less about being a parent but more about actually having the kid. I feel like I was generally prepared for the ups and downs of parenting.
People talk about the how uncomfortable pregnancy is and the pain of childbirth. Well known, I was prepared for that, I had an epidural so it actually wasn’t that bad at all.
But I think I heard way less about how f****d up your body feels after giving birth. Like, yeah, obviously you aren’t going to feel great, but it really just caught me off guard. I felt the worst I’ve felt in my life for weeks and weeks afterward. I was super swollen for like a week. I had minor tears but it was still f*****g miserable. It was hard to use the bathroom. It was hard to lie down to sleep. I couldn’t get comfortable anywhere. I just felt off, my body felt wrong and then you are having to take care of a little baby on top of it all! My body just hurt. It sucked.
#50
It's a 24/7 job no days off on top of your regular job and house work yard work ect and your tired af all the time and drinking makes it worse.
#51
You will never ever have another day in your entire life where you don't think about this new person. At first, you think/worry/stress about how to keep the little human alive. Then you think/worry/stress over how to make the little human thrive. Then you think/worry/stress how to keep another human happy, fulfilled, educated, kind, giving, healthy. And on it goes.
#52
How loud and messy kids are. If I didn't have dogs to eat all the random stuff my kids threw on the floor I would have just burnt my house down. If you're a person with testicles how often your child will hit them on accident. That your child is counting on you.
#54
You will experience emotions with such intensity. You get to watch this little being, completely helpless and reliant on you, grow into a little human. It makes the world so much smaller and bigger at the same time. You end up comparing how you were raised with how you treat your kids. You may find wounds that you didn’t know were there.
#55
Young children don't have much sense of logic and it can be infuriating. You'll repeat yourself over and over until they either somewhat grasp a concept or completely ignore you anyway in favor of impulse. You will always have someone judging you no matter what you do. Especially when your child is acting out in public (which is inevitable). Even more so if your child has a disability of some kind. You can love your child, but not like certain phases or developments. You'll have ups and downs no matter what stage and the unwarranted fear mongering ("just you wait until X age, they're worse!") from other people just makes it worse. We are currently having a big shift in the US of what parenting looks like and having better boundaries as people. Parents are often more overwhelmed because they're actually involved with their kids and don't usually have much help from family, if at all. They're also doing a lot better about keeping their kids safe from toxic family members, which is extremely taxing in itself. It's unbelievable how often it's the grandparents who are the ones who can't handle basic respect or get straight up dangerous in their own self righteousness.
Ineke Pronk 1 year ago
Yeah kids don't do logic. When I was young I though putting my finger in a light socket and turning on the power would make it swell up and give light like in cartoons. I remember doing that once. That was the second time I did it. At least I learned in two turns.
#57
You find out who your friends really are.
Kelly Scott 1 year ago
You mean the ones you dumped because they got tired of you never talking about anything except diapers, blowouts, and feedings. Or because you always canceled get-togethers at the last minute because of your kid. Or because you want to haul your kid around everywhere and friends get tired of screaming, kicking babies and toddlers.
#58
I think it’s common that people hear “say goodbye to your intimate life once you have kids” But I don’t think people realise that a woman’s body experiences different hormones during postpartum.
Estrogen dips and there’s also an evolutionary reason for it.. It’s basically her body’s natural way of ensuring that she takes the time to properly heal and focus on caring for the baby instead of on trying to have another one.
Then add in breastfeeding and the release of oxytocin (The love hormone) which helps us bond with our babies. It in effect replaces any desires we may have.
Goodbye Libido!
#59
If you are lucky enough to go see a friend on a Friday or Saturday night, you have to go home at midnight or earlier because at 6:45 AM your two year old is going to wake up and it's go time. There's bottles or food and coffee and breakfast and laundry and vacuuming and all the other s**t you need to do to keep the house habitable. The crazy thing is it's worth it. You can't wait to see them.
#60
My coworker has 3 kids, she is constantly telling me not to have kids because they are a drain on her bank account. She also never has free time after work or on weekends.
#61
The inflation on college tuition is bananas. Sure, there are loans and community college feeder programs, but when that kid gets into their dream school on a too small scholarship, you sell the house to make it work for them. Ugh.
#62
That ur kids could grow up to be f****d up no matter how u raise them. That u become unhappier while raising kids. That u could actually regret having them. Everyone wants a Brian who went to USC with full scholarship and became a doctor instead of a Chuck who became a meth addict. And when ppl think about having kids, the possibility their kids could come out physically/mentally disabled, and something super negative just dont enter their minds. Which would u rather have: regretting having kids or regretting not having kids?
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
I'd rather regret not having kids. I don't need more lives to f**k up along with my own.
#63
On a lighter note, no one ever tells you that babies fart. A lot.
#64
Having kids is hard in a marriage/relationship. Don’t have kids with someone if you are not at a good place in your relationship. Don’t think having a kid will fix the problems. You will still have problems but you have a kid in the midst of them. You will have less time with your partner the first year or 2. That child is going to need all your attention. If you and partner break up they will still part of your life forever if you share a kid. Make sure you have it with someone you can at least get along with.
#65
Kids are selfish. You want to sleep in, pssh, forget about it, they’re waking your a*s up at whatever time they feel like it. They’re 100% wide awake and ready to start some b******t. They need you for everything! Your house will never be clean again. They’re c**k blockers. They’re demanding.
And they’re the best thing that’ll ever happen to you.
#66
It all comes down to self control and buddha like patience when you want to beat the s**t out of your kid (you will want to at some point).
What do you think ?
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Parenting is hard. But I've never once regretted or hated having kids. I have also never found it boring. Boring is the last word I'd use to describe parenting. This list just makes me sad. I also never felt like I gave up my life or freedom. I just folded the kids into my life. I've still always done the thing I've enjoyed doing. I still pursued goals. The kids never slowed any of that down. They just became a part of it. People have such a negative view of parenting and of their own kids. We really do need to normalize NOT having kids. People shouldn't do it because of pressure, or because it's what your supposed to do. It's okay to not have kids. Society would be better off if people who don't actually want kids didn't have them. Then maybe all this negativity around parenthood wouldn't exist.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
I understand where you're coming from with this. I have one thing to say to any aspiring/already parents: DO NOT take your negative feelings out on your children! Every cruel word and bruise is something we will never forget.
Trillian 1 year ago
Way to put more pressure on poor new parents who are already unsure about what they are doing wrong. It is not that bad. Kids learn to understand that parents are people. Apologize if you did something wrong and validate their feelings, that is important. You definitely WILL screw up at some point.
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
In other words, parenting is just as difficult and demanding as it was for your parents. How rewarding it turns out to be is up to you (somewhat).
Marnie 1 year ago
One thing I think many people don't realize is that every single experience your child has teaches them something. Every trip to the grocery store, every show they see, every book, every conversation they are in or observe, every single thing is teaching them SOMETHING (good or bad). I recognized that from the get-go, and although I wouldn't call myself any kind of natural parent (and I'm autistic and clueless), I think always having that in my mind helped make up for deficits in other areas and kept me from making many more bad decisions than I did.
Susie Campbell 1 year ago
What a terrible post. Soooo much negativity on BP at the moment…I am going to take a long break from it. Time is too precious.
Lori 1 year ago
But that's the point of the post. It's about the "harsh realities"
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Hannah 1 year ago
Apologies make a world of difference to a child. My dad always worked hard to keep his temper in check when it came to us, but here and there he'd slip up. Nobody could blame him, he was a single parent, working his a*s off to provide for two kids. He was tired and in constant pain, and dealing with more stress than I can ever imagine. So yeah, sometimes he snapped at us. Sometimes he said something that really hurt our feelings. But every single time, without fail, he would come back around and apologize. "I'm sorry kiddo, I shouldnt have said that, I'm stressed over x,y, or z, but that isn't your fault and you didn't deserve that" this alone has left me with more respect for my father than anyone else in my family. We have an incredibly close relationship and looking back I dont think I can recall anything he said when upset, just the apologies that followed. It's okay to snap at your kids sometimes, it happens. Just apologize and work on it. The rest can be forgiven.
Vanesska 1 year ago
I think some type of persons should really think twice before having a child. If you are introvert or have OCDs it can be a challenge. It can become a nightmare at some point. I have an OCD that I like to start something without being interrupted, and now this is my life even after 14 years. It drives me mad. I realised that I cannot start anything without being interrupted at least several times. Whatever I do, even if I resist, it's the drama that will follow that is worse than the interruption. It's not only the child, it's the whole parenting/ household logistic. Also I need sleep, sleep deprivation affects me deeply. This is probably why some parents lose it, it's just constantly being on the edge due to lack of sleep. And I don't know what is worse, a single mom like me or still with the father. Most of my female friends also do parenting for their husbands. It's the mental load that kills me.
Jonathan English 1 year ago
Unbeknownst to you as a parent, a time will come that you'll lift/pick your child up for the last time,
Vanesska 1 year ago
At some point I went to a rheumatologist because of chronic pain which came out as due to the constant lifting, so I am glad to be out of that. My wrists were so sore and my back, too. But my son and I hug a lot so that's fine.
Load More Replies... Lori 1 year ago
I've been on the fence about kids for years. And I've never found anyone to convince me it's a good thing lol. You can list all the pros, but it seems like there's more to lose with having a child than not.
Tamra 1 year ago
I think if you need convincing to have children, then you're probably not ready. As a woman, you'll feel the pressure to get married and have kids, but that's absolutely NOT the only path to a happy and fulfilling life. I'm married and have a child, and that has been truly wonderful for me. My dear friend has never married nor had any children, and that has been truly wonderful for her. Don't let the expectations of society forge your path for you.
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Saphyre Fyre 1 year ago
The one I saw before I clicked into the page here, was the parent not being attached to their child and that is ok???? BABIES AND CHILDREN NEED THAT LOVE, IT IS PART OF BEING ABLE TO GROW AS A HUMAN BEING, and I never got that love from my parents.
Trisec Tebeakesse 1 year ago
That person you loved so much - maybe even married so you could make those babies. Your relationship with them will deteriorate, as you are no longer the #1 most important person in their life now.
Rocky 1 year ago
That isn't true for every relationship. My husband and I knew exactly what we were doing. We understood the possible challenge on our relationship but because we were aware, we actively work on it, caring about the health between us. We think of us as rational enough to understand, we are a unit, there is a partnership, and there is our child.
Load More Replies... Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Parenting is hard. But I've never once regretted or hated having kids. I have also never found it boring. Boring is the last word I'd use to describe parenting. This list just makes me sad. I also never felt like I gave up my life or freedom. I just folded the kids into my life. I've still always done the thing I've enjoyed doing. I still pursued goals. The kids never slowed any of that down. They just became a part of it. People have such a negative view of parenting and of their own kids. We really do need to normalize NOT having kids. People shouldn't do it because of pressure, or because it's what your supposed to do. It's okay to not have kids. Society would be better off if people who don't actually want kids didn't have them. Then maybe all this negativity around parenthood wouldn't exist.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
I understand where you're coming from with this. I have one thing to say to any aspiring/already parents: DO NOT take your negative feelings out on your children! Every cruel word and bruise is something we will never forget.
Trillian 1 year ago
Way to put more pressure on poor new parents who are already unsure about what they are doing wrong. It is not that bad. Kids learn to understand that parents are people. Apologize if you did something wrong and validate their feelings, that is important. You definitely WILL screw up at some point.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
In other words, parenting is just as difficult and demanding as it was for your parents. How rewarding it turns out to be is up to you (somewhat).
Marnie 1 year ago
One thing I think many people don't realize is that every single experience your child has teaches them something. Every trip to the grocery store, every show they see, every book, every conversation they are in or observe, every single thing is teaching them SOMETHING (good or bad). I recognized that from the get-go, and although I wouldn't call myself any kind of natural parent (and I'm autistic and clueless), I think always having that in my mind helped make up for deficits in other areas and kept me from making many more bad decisions than I did.
Susie Campbell 1 year ago
What a terrible post. Soooo much negativity on BP at the moment…I am going to take a long break from it. Time is too precious.
Lori 1 year ago
But that's the point of the post. It's about the "harsh realities"
Load More Replies... Hannah 1 year ago
Apologies make a world of difference to a child. My dad always worked hard to keep his temper in check when it came to us, but here and there he'd slip up. Nobody could blame him, he was a single parent, working his a*s off to provide for two kids. He was tired and in constant pain, and dealing with more stress than I can ever imagine. So yeah, sometimes he snapped at us. Sometimes he said something that really hurt our feelings. But every single time, without fail, he would come back around and apologize. "I'm sorry kiddo, I shouldnt have said that, I'm stressed over x,y, or z, but that isn't your fault and you didn't deserve that" this alone has left me with more respect for my father than anyone else in my family. We have an incredibly close relationship and looking back I dont think I can recall anything he said when upset, just the apologies that followed. It's okay to snap at your kids sometimes, it happens. Just apologize and work on it. The rest can be forgiven.
Vanesska 1 year ago
I think some type of persons should really think twice before having a child. If you are introvert or have OCDs it can be a challenge. It can become a nightmare at some point. I have an OCD that I like to start something without being interrupted, and now this is my life even after 14 years. It drives me mad. I realised that I cannot start anything without being interrupted at least several times. Whatever I do, even if I resist, it's the drama that will follow that is worse than the interruption. It's not only the child, it's the whole parenting/ household logistic. Also I need sleep, sleep deprivation affects me deeply. This is probably why some parents lose it, it's just constantly being on the edge due to lack of sleep. And I don't know what is worse, a single mom like me or still with the father. Most of my female friends also do parenting for their husbands. It's the mental load that kills me.
Jonathan English 1 year ago
Unbeknownst to you as a parent, a time will come that you'll lift/pick your child up for the last time,
Vanesska 1 year ago
At some point I went to a rheumatologist because of chronic pain which came out as due to the constant lifting, so I am glad to be out of that. My wrists were so sore and my back, too. But my son and I hug a lot so that's fine.
Load More Replies... Lori 1 year ago
I've been on the fence about kids for years. And I've never found anyone to convince me it's a good thing lol. You can list all the pros, but it seems like there's more to lose with having a child than not.
Tamra 1 year ago
I think if you need convincing to have children, then you're probably not ready. As a woman, you'll feel the pressure to get married and have kids, but that's absolutely NOT the only path to a happy and fulfilling life. I'm married and have a child, and that has been truly wonderful for me. My dear friend has never married nor had any children, and that has been truly wonderful for her. Don't let the expectations of society forge your path for you.
Load More Replies... Saphyre Fyre 1 year ago
The one I saw before I clicked into the page here, was the parent not being attached to their child and that is ok???? BABIES AND CHILDREN NEED THAT LOVE, IT IS PART OF BEING ABLE TO GROW AS A HUMAN BEING, and I never got that love from my parents.
Trisec Tebeakesse 1 year ago
That person you loved so much - maybe even married so you could make those babies. Your relationship with them will deteriorate, as you are no longer the #1 most important person in their life now.
Rocky 1 year ago
That isn't true for every relationship. My husband and I knew exactly what we were doing. We understood the possible challenge on our relationship but because we were aware, we actively work on it, caring about the health between us. We think of us as rational enough to understand, we are a unit, there is a partnership, and there is our child.
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