Women Are Sharing Their Exes’ Seemingly Harmless Personality Traits That Ended Up Being The Reddest Flags Of Them All (30 Posts)

Wouldn't a bigger reason you can't date extroverts be that you already have a husband?

What has one got to do with the other?

I m an extrovert but I sometimes love to be an introvert and I think I am happy being who I am

Also if someone think I'm "boring" because I don't want to spend time with them, it's their problem, not mine.

Introverts rule!! (as long as no-one is looking)

broke off a wonderful relationship many years ago. i made every decision except for when she had to pee. i couldn't take it. lasted 8 months.

My husband and FIL are like this. "What do you want to drink with dinner" "Don't Matter". NO I didn't ask if it mattered, I asked what you wanted because you're drinking it not me!

Been there and done that. In my case he was such a huge people pleaser in general so he wouldn’t say no to anyone. So he ended up blaming me for making a lot of the decisions as if I wanted control in the relationship which is not at all what I wanted. I’m glad it’s over.

I was with someone that accused me of this, and he was right...I did go along with whatever he wanted. The problem was that there would be hell to pay if I didn't just agree all the time. When I tried to point this out, he told me I was making it up.

Ive realized the same thing. I absolutely dont tolerate people without hobbies or interests. Definetly not in my mate.

Been there. Worse when you've sat them down and calmly explain you do not like them making jokes about specific things and their response is to start making jokes about those things on purpose instead of stopping.

"I'm just joking, Hon. They don't like it when they receive those words instead of giving them.

Try doing it back to them and see how well they take it...it's not pretty

The Debaser

If someone shuts down, it's probably a sign of former abuse.

I just did a doubletake on this one. Toxic narcissism survivor here. I used to believe a more or less noisy debate between two strong and passionate individuals who love and respect each other is not just unavoidable but shouldn't be harmful in a healthy relationship. But I learned from my current partner that even though we both are sanguine and hot-tempered characters, we don't need to yell at each other. We can talk through things calmly. It's actually a lot more effective^^ and pleasant.

While I agree with this on the whole I think there's something to be said for walking away from a volatile situation or saying 'I'm afraid what I might say right now is going to come from an emotional place instead of a logical one, so lets just step away and talk about it again later.' That being said, it can't be something where you use that as a manipulation to get the other person to acquiesce. For instance, I know a lot of women who will just start crying when they have an argument about something because it will emotionally manipulate their partner into bending just to get it to stop. I know men who will raise their voices or try to get 'scary' to manipulate women into doing what they say. Or they'll threaten to leave constantly. If every time someone disagrees with you you threaten to leave than just do that because you clearly aren't mature enough to handle being in an adult relationship.

I dated a guy because I was SO lonely and desperate. He would always say " I HATE confrontation," and just would NOT have any discussions about any disagreements. This is a loser who spent a number of years not even knowing his first wife was no longer into him, it was a shock to him when she finally told him she met someone else.

On the other hand there are too many people who love drama and pick fights when there's nothing to fight about..

Finally got it thru my husbands head when I told him that if her opinion was supreme that the next time he needed s3x he should go ask her for it. (I used some horrible words but that is the gist) he saw that I was serious and started standing up for me... We are now 10 years in and everything is great. She's still a c u next Tuesday and I speak to her only when spoken to.

I dated a guy years ago that doted and doted on his mom. Everything revolved around her needs and advice and opinions. They even took vacations together and she made me feel like I was in the way, like competition. It all came to a head one day and it was over. I couldn't deal with feeling like I was in a relationship with him and his mom.

I find this trait so creepy.

You either come first, or you're the first to leave

My MIL hated me and made it obvious, FIL was pretty nasty too, DH did not recognise it, Thankfully for most of our married life we did not live near them. Eventually I also passed on holidays with them. DH took two kids with him and the other two kids and I have a lovely holiday at home doing things WE wanted to do :-)

it could be mental illness, i have autism and adhd an have been told i mirror people- i dont do it on purpose but i understand this persons concern

Sounds like an INFJ. If he is one .. he actually does have all of those traits. He's not lying. We just can't show all of our facets at the same time. We're 1-on-1 people and do this to interact best with that individual. We can be both introverted and extroverted. If we're in a group, we're neutral.

Ugh. That is one I am not good at spotting.

This is scary... mine even bought same kettle and toaster - in exactly the same colour. Out of 18 possible options. Let's not mention the instant pot. He would try to upstage me all the time. He'd insist on booking expensive hotels just to show me he knows better things than I do - occasionally I'd be "allowed" to make reservations and if I choose a place he liked, he'd switch to it and remind me how he introduced me to the place. Needless to say ... I ran for the hills.

Yeah, I can't stand fake people. Be the real you.