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There are so many things we wish our children would grow up knowing. However, separating the wheat from the chaff, the wisdom from the illusions is always a tough thing to do. And some things that our kids end up learning do more harm than good, don’t you think, dear Pandas?
Well, the parents of Reddit have been pitching in and sharing their takes on what harmful things are being taught to children in a viral thread over on r/AskReddit. From advice on how we should always be double-checking information to embracing failure instead of running away from it, some of these tips and tricks are spot-on and help kids grow into healthy, happy adults. (And don’t tell anyone this, but some of us adults could use a handful of these tips, too.)
Have a read through them below and upvote the ones you agree with. Got any additional tips on what things children should and shouldn’t be taught? Be sure to share your thoughts with all the other Readers in the comment section.
I reached out to Lenore Skenazy to learn more about how to overcome the passive mindset that kids are taught to embrace in school and to be actively driven by curiosity into adulthood. Lenore is the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement and the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit organization that fights overprotection, promotes independence, and makes kids ‘future-proof.’ and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. You’ll find her insights that she shared with Bored Panda below, dear Readers.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Little girls get told all the time that boys are bullying them because they like them
RELATED:
#2
Boys don't cry. Let the damn boys cry
#3
Making children hug or kiss someone (usually a relative) that they are uncomfortable with is not good. The child may just be grumpy and or not wanting to show affection or their warning bell sensors could be going off and they do not know how to communicate that. Plus forcing them to hug/kiss sends mixed messages about personal/physical boundaries and affection itself
Modern schooling, if left to its own devices, generally has the unwanted effect of making kids far more passive than we’d like them to be. School tends to reward following orders and compliance more than independence, active curiosity, and drive. And that’s an issue that can have far-reaching consequences, one of which is the fear of doing what you want or trying new things.
“When a seventh-grade teacher friend of mine asked her students—aged 12 and 13—what new things they wanted to do on their own, but were still a little hesitant to try, the responses were rather shocking to me,” Lenore, the founder of Let Grow and the Free-Range Kids movement, shared with Bored Panda.
“One kid wanted to walk the dog—but was afraid it would get off the leash. Another said he wanted to go to the store—but he’d never been inside one without his mom, and he was worried about being surrounded by strangers. A few said they wanted to take a bike ride or even climb a tree, but they were afraid of hurting themselves.”
#4
What to think instead of how to think
#6
That failure is bad. Failing should not be considered as an obstacle but a step in the learning process. Demonizing the failure and stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail.
Lenore explained that “our catastrophizing culture” has scared parents so much, they’re anxious about letting their kids do pretty much anything and everything. While there are exceptions, of course, many parents veer sharply towards being overprotective and overbearing because they fear for their munchkins’ safety.
Ironically, the result is the opposite of what they want. “The result is not safety, it’s anxiety—kids who absorbed the message that everything is too much for them to handle. When you’re anxious, a simple slip-up doesn’t seem so simple. It seems huge—even life-threatening. How can you avoid those awful threats? That part is simple,” Lenore detailed. “You avoid doing anything.”
Doing nothing is exactly what the seventh graders that Lenore mentioned up above ended up doing. That fear spread to other parts of their life in the classroom, from taking tests (“what if they got a bad grade?”) to asking the teacher which side of the page they should write their name on (“they wouldn’t dare just choose their own!”).
#7
Nobody cares about children’s/teens issues. “Well it’s only going to get worse from here”. “You think school is hard? Have you ever paid a f**king bill” “You’re just a kid you can’t feel this way”. It breeds an emotional disconnect from parents and their kids. And makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles, that nobody cares because they’re not adults and they don’t have “Adult Problems”.
Toko Danganronpa 4 years ago
Exactly. People often have bad assumptions of teenagers, but they have myriads of issues they don't talk about.
#8
It seems like forcing kids to eat everything off their plate is pretty harmful, it doesn't matter if they're full, they have to clean off their plate and they can't leave the table until they do
Erihapeti Swampwitch 4 years ago (edited)
I agree, this doesn't allow children to self regulate and know when they are full. It me years to unlearn this behavior.
#9
That you can be anything you want in life. Sorry but this just isn't correct. Poor Eddie who can't grasp basic division isn't going to be an astronaut
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
I agree with this 100%. I also hate the saying that everything is possible if you put your mind to it. Umm no, not everything is possible for everyone.
“The teacher told one girl who came to class late and hadn’t had time to get lunch, ‘That’s ok—just go grab something from the cafeteria and come back!’ ‘By myself?’ the girl asked. She was afraid to walk down the halls of her safe school, in a safe neighborhood, in suburban New York. Everyday life is seen as filled with risk.”
This passivity isn’t making children any happier, Lenore put it bluntly. Instead, kids are kept deep inside their comfort zones fully believing that it’s all that they can stand and that this is all that life has to offer. Fortunately, the students that Lenore mentioned had an awesome teacher who didn’t want them to go into high school and then adulthood with so much fear in their lives.
“She wanted to break the shell growing thicker around them every day. And so she assigned The Let Grow Project—a homework assignment that tells kids to, ‘Go home and do something new, on your own.’ At last, the kids were given a push to get out of their comfort zone—and so were their parents. After all, now school was telling them to let go of their kids and give them a little independence,” Lenore said.
#10
“No “tattle tails” or “snitching” How many kids are abused or bullied and won’t come forward because of this?”
Rakjell Hanwell 4 years ago (edited)
The best way to 'deal' with a kid who is constantly snitching on others for minute things, in my experience, is to take them seriously and if it is possible (which with small conflicts between children it normally almost always is) to tell them to resolve the conflict on their own, by talking. Or, if the snitching kid actually was the one causing the conflict, to show them that you are aware of who actually started it ('Sarah was mean to me!' 'That is not nice, but I also saw you taking away her stuff. Could it be that she wasn't nice to you because of that?') Snitching becomes much less exciting, when there is no adult who goes berserk on the one your snitching on (or if you get caught doing something 'bad' yourself)
#11
"If he's mean to you he likes you" It just teaches little girls (mostly girls) to expect violence from people who love them
GirlFriday 4 years ago
Again, this comes from people thinking girls are easier to control. "It is easier for us to teach the girl that she likes being hit than it is for us to teach the boy to stop hitting."
#12
My son’s preschool has a strict “you do not have to play if you don’t want to” policy. No one has to play with anyone they don’t want to play with. They say that no one has to to hug or touch anyone or be touched if they don’t want it. No one has to share their toys or other school supplies if they aren’t done with it. In fact the preschool teacher will go over and referee and say “is Bobby done with the toy car? No? Then Mikey, you have to wait until he is done.” It’s pretty refreshing. I wanted to let you know there are new philosophies and my son’s preschool really strongly teaches body autonomy. Your body is your own and no one can touch it or make you do anything with it without your permission
Rissie 4 years ago
Oh, I'm not totally fine with this. Sometimes some guidance can be refreshing too for that kid that has a hard time connecting or little Bobby has been hogging that car the whole day. Small children totally act on instinct. Helping them look at other angles isn't going to hurt anyone. Just don't force anything. Hugs and physical contact? Totally agree. Although I feel this is more of an American thing?
“You can see the results in this 2-minute video. That teacher made them do twenty Let Grow Projects. And the result was kids blossoming like crazy—riding their bikes, joining sports programs, piercing their ears, making dinner, walking to town with their friends, and discovering how great it is to do rather than to hide.”
Lenore stressed that any school can do The Let Grow Project and all of their materials are available absolutely for free. You’ll find the project right here and the Independence Kit right over here.”It works for kids aged 5 to 14 or so. And by the way, if you or your school do The Project, drop me a note—I’d love to hear about it! You can write to me via Info@LetGrow.org,” Lenore added, saying that she wants you, dear Pandas, to reach out to her.
#13
Being wrong is bad. That's why many people don't change their mind when they were given trustable sources, they don't want to be wrong
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
It's more than that, it's that being wrong will get you made fun of. Being wrong makes you an idiot.
#14
Abstinence only sex education. This is more of what they're not being taught. Proper sex education is important. Edit: For anyone interested I'm posting a link to a John Oliver segment on Americas sex education system. Its very informative but also quite funny.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I am just curious but do any other countries do abstinence based sex education or is it really only America?
#15
My mom would often punish me for something, and whenever I asked why or what I did I was told “I’m the adult and you are the child” or “because I said so” or “you shouldn’t need a reason”.
In an earlier interview with Lenore, the president of Let Grow, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, told Bored Panda about how kids can keep their curiosity burning and their desire to learn bright and well-honed as they grow.
"I’ve been wondering this myself: How to stay curious when hit by 'the blahs?' Next to Covid (and in great part thanks to Covid) the blahs are the most catching virus around. You get tired and bored by being tired and bored, talking about being tired and bored, and succumbing to them,” Lenore said about how the pandemic is making all of us feel less energetic, physically and mentally.
“Unfortunately, the whole thing is self-reinforcing: A feeling of listlessness leads you to scroll through your social media of choice, which makes you feel more blah, leading you to scroll some more, etc."
#16
Doing the right thing will sometimes make others hate you. Be prepared for that.
#17
That complaining is the same as not being grateful. Can’t count the number of times growing up when adults basically told me to shut up whenever I was complaining about something and that I should be grateful that I was born where I was. Like sure, I’m glad I wasn’t born into some starving African family, but that doesn’t mean everything is perfect over here and that we shouldn’t try to improve things here as well.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Yes I hate this. People even say it to adults. We are entitled to our feelings, doesn’t matter if someone has a worse life than us, everyone copes with things differently.
Lenore put it bluntly: if we want to be curious about life again, if we want to be constantly learning, we have to start off by getting off the couch. “Force yourself out the door. Why? Because beyond your four walls, things are never exactly the same. Weather, animals, people, sounds, smells, clouds—they’re all swirling about."
She continued: "Ask yourself to start noticing new things. I did that this morning with a friend. We took a walk around our neighborhood and started looking for interesting details in the homes and buildings we passed. It went from a walk down streets we’d seen a million times to a sort of treasure hunt. And the big thing we were really hunting for? Curiosity! When you’re curious, you’re alive again—noticing, thinking, making connections. You can’t do that if there’s no new information coming in. So your first step is to force yourself out of a rut by leaving the house (harder during the pandemic, but not impossible)."
#19
"The parents never make a mistake"
#20
"No backtalk." Many adults use it as "you're not allowed to challenge what I have to say." Makes sense if it's a cranky toddler being negative for negativity's sake, but suddenly older children can't question things or raise valid points of their own.
#21
That you shouldnt hit a woman. Dont hit anyone! (unless its self defence) If my child is being hit by a woman, and bullied...equal rights equal fights
If you look at the pandemic from a different perspective, it might motivate you to start learning new things. For instance, think about what you’d wish you’d learned or a skill that you’d like to have honed by the end of the pandemic.
“Think of something you’d like to be able to say you’ve been working on, especially once life returns to normal: 'Well, I wasted a lot of that free time I had, but at least I started...' Or, 'At least I learned…' For my sister, she’s taking ballet online. For my husband, he’s learning film editing. For me, it’s… oh God! I better come up with something fast! Um…let’s say I will learn how to create a Clubhouse program. Ok?" Lenore quipped that even the best of the best can struggle with this during the lockdowns.
#23
Happened to my son in middle school, a kid sucker punched my son. My son then fought back and pinned the kid against the wall ( he has long arms) and punched him a few times. The school called me and my wife and told us our son was suspended. We went to the school and they said even though multiple witnesses as well as the kid said he threw the first punch that the school had a zero tolerance policy so our son would be suspended. We asked what the school believed our son should have done and they said he should just walk away. We told them that he would not be receiving any punishment at home and that the policy was f**ked up.
Guido Pisano 4 years ago
I thaught to mine not to attack for first. But to defend themselves (and others if needed). So if they beat someone for self (or other) defence no punishment
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I have done that twice. My daughter got suspended on two occasions for defending herself and she didn’t get into trouble at home. We have told her that if she hurts another kid in self defence then she just gets some time off school. If she is the instigator then she loses privileges.
I'm ~*tired*~ 4 years ago
omg i was on the other side of it. this kid had a metal thermos i n his lunch box and was constantly hitting me with is so i put my foot out to stop it and got suspended. wtf vice principal dombrowski!
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Carol Emory 4 years ago
I agree. But my son's school took it a step further. A kid attacked my son, my son fought back and won. The principal said the attacker had a 3 day out of school suspension, my son had a one day in school suspension..and that the kids that stood there and did nothing or encouraged the fighting were all suspended in school for a day. As they put it, my son got a suspension to teach him fighting of any kind is wrong and the kids that did nothing got suspended because you don't ignore someone when they are in trouble...you get help.
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
I agree, it's self defense when adults do it, but not children...? Walking away doesn't always work, they will just see you again tomorrow. Going to a teacher doesn't always work, sometimes that makes it worse. If no one else is there and there's no way out you must defend yourself.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
Nowadays, rules like this needs to be tweaked, an overall picture of how the outcome would’ve been, so the kid walks away, the other kid might follow him still hitting him, the next day he gets laughed at ridicule for walking away- then what happens next- use your imagination, it happens more common now a days, if that happened to my son I would’ve reacted the same way as that parent.
BlueReaper 4 years ago
@Punished Edward, you’re wrong. The policy is f****d up because it’s teaching children to not stand up for themselves or others. Use common sense next time.
Matheus Oliveira 4 years ago
De-escalating situations should be something schools teach instead of just having archaic imposed policies. BTW, how can suspension actually help someone?
Melanie King 4 years ago
I remember when my sister was getting bullied in 2nd grade, a boy would poke her, hit her, etc. and she never did anything, so one day she told my dad and my dad said "hit him back" so the next time he touched her, she punched him several times and the school wanted to get her in trouble for it. My parents told the school she wasn't going to get in trouble because he started it. We've always been taught to never throw the first punch but don't be afraid to defend ourselves.
Melanie King 4 years ago
Btw it turned out he had issues at home and was taking it out on her, but the school finally got involved and they actually had to change his recess time just so he wouldn't be able to bully her anymore
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Michael Parker 4 years ago
I had something like this happen to me in middle school. After months of merciles bullying getting punched, I finally fought back. I got suspended. My bully got off scot free.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Learning to walk away from this is still a valid and important lesson. I haven’t figured it all out. But not rising to aggressive behaviour is an accomplishment and it should be taught how to do this and how to self talk after it.
Angelica H 4 years ago
exactly! my parents have given me permission to fight for self defence purposes only.
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Chaotic_pansexual 4 years ago
My middle school literally had an assembly teaching us that if we are hit or attacked that we should just take it, to either walk away or to just let them hit you and not to fight back or do anything. They expected you to just wait for someone to get a teacher to help when the teachers hardly pay attention anyhow
Chenandoa 4 years ago
Part of the reason (only 1/2 of it) I returned to homeschooling after 2 years was because a older kid DESTROYED the frame of my bike. He used his body weight to bend the shocks area...if I turned the tire, the pedal caught it. God thing I didnt go down the road that is a 55 degree slope, with a 90 degree turn at the end!
CatWoman312 4 years ago
At my school growing up the policy was you could defend yourself, but would still get suspended anyway.
Kirbi 4 years ago
What the actual heck? That kid threw the first punch, he was just defending himself! " He should've just walked away" NO HE SHOULDN'T!!! They would've just be thrown around and bullied if he didn't do anything! The worst part is that THE PERSON WHO THREW THE FIRST FRICKIN PUNCH GOT AWAY WITHOUT ANY PUNISHMENT
ADHD McChick 2 years ago
I told my son, years ago, and more than once, not to ever throw that first punch, if he could help it. But that if someone put hands on him, whoop that àss. And don't worry about what the school says, because Momma will take care of it. It is ALWAYS okay to make someone stop hitting/hurting you. Self defense is ALWAYS okay. And to tell with those idiotic policies.
ADHD McChick 2 years ago (edited)
These policies are completely fúcked up. I was bullied relentlessly for YEARS, in grade school. I told and told and told. Nothing ever changed. I was too small and scared to physically fight back. But if I had, it would have been ME in trouble. Teachers don't do anything. Counselors don't do anything. All that happens, is you get branded a snitch, and you get laughed at more, for showing that it hurt you. So you learn to stop saying anything. You bottle it up, and you just take it and take it and take it, until one day you just can't anymore. You finally snap and lash out, and it's YOU who gets in trouble, and your bullies are protected! Like it was your fault! They system is absolutely fúcked, and needs a total overhaul...
Eric Lafleur 4 years ago
I once told a Principal - warned,would be a better term - that if a bully lay even a finger on my daughter again, that I will not reprimand her and I would go after his parents to teach them how to raise their kids.. She still have the habbit of protecting the weaks and defenseless and got troubles for that.
Mónica Elisabeth Sacco 4 years ago
And what about the original aggressor? You punish one of them, you punish the two.
Ericka Hokkanen 4 years ago
BOTH kids should be suspended, the first punch thrower was at fault for upping the ante.
Teresa Spanics 4 years ago
I would not only go off on that school, but also say that the media will hear about this and how this school is just encouraging bullying instead of dealing with the bullies in order to put a stop to bullying itself!
Marco Hub-Dub 4 years ago (edited)
13yo female relative was cornered behind trash cans at a middle school dance in the gymnasium. The boy not only physically pinned her in place, but began feeling her up AND down. She kneed him in the crotch, freed a hand and punched him while screaming at him. The ruckus brought attention to other kids and a chaperone. As she was trying to catch her breath and make sense of being sexually attacked, the boy recovered quickly and laughed it off. He was initially expelled but his parents hired an attorney & fought so he ended up with 7 days suspension. Because of zero tolerance and giving the boy a chipped tooth & black eye, my family member got two weeks suspension. The district was aware & agreed he sexually and physically attacked her. But a zero tolerance policy meant she has to be punished also.
Clare McDuff 4 years ago
Zero tolerance policy is zero tolerance. I’m sorry, but he needed to learn a better way to handle that situation.
Marco Hub-Dub 4 years ago
13yo female relative was cornered behind trash cans at a middle school dance in the gymnasium. The boy not only physically pinned her in place, but began feeling her up AND down. She kneed him in the crotch, freed a hand and punched him while screaming at him. The ruckus brought attention to other kids and a chaperone. As she was trying to catch her breath and make sense of being sexually attacked, the boy recovered quickly and laughed it off. He was initially expelled but his parents hired an attorney & fought so he ended up with 7 days suspension. Because of zero tolerance and giving the boy a chipped tooth & black eye, my family member got two weeks suspension. The district was aware & agreed he sexually and physically attacked her. But a zero tolerance policy meant she has to be punished also.
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Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
I was taught to walk away, tell a teacher or other adult. That there was never a reason to hit someone...Let me tell ya, that B.S. don't work. Teachers didn't care. They'd actually witness it happening and not lift a finger. Parents didn't care. As long as they didn't get called to the school, they were fine with whatever happened. Scared to go to school cuz you know you'll get beat on? Go tell a teacher.... Bit you can't stay home,and we can't be bothered to deal with your problems....
Rissie 4 years ago
Zero tolerance is also about reacting with equal violence. We all know something happened before, but even if it didn't. Just pin someone to the wall (if you can) and hold them off. Don't start hitting them in return. Now I do get those parents, but as a parent I would also agree with the school, that both are wrong. I'd rather have them talk it out though. Suspension is such an archaic way of thinking.
#24
I think what we're not taught is more harmful. For example the fact that we never learn (at least in my country) how to fact check things.
Even leaving the house to get your blood flowing is a great step toward learning a new skill. What’s more, feeling envy toward someone who’s good at a particular skill or particularly learned is a good way to get yourself motivated to strive for more.
“Do not worry if you are taking that first step as simply something you’re doing thanks to social pressure, or for someone other than yourself. Change is change—the motivation doesn’t matter,” Lenore told Bored Panda.
Lenore believes that we should always be questing to learn more about the world while verifying whether or not something is actually true. That means navigating the world of false claims and fake news.
#25
That everybody is a winner. No. Losing and disappointments are part of life and they are integral to your growth both emotionally and socially. We have a lot of people who enter the real world who have been told they are deserving of things just because and cannot take rejections and losses in their personal and professional lives with any grace whatsoever. This is also resulting in mediocrity being accepted as a norm cos nobody wants to call out ineptitude. While the hard work and dedication being put in by people who do end up in good positions are being played down. It's a little harsh but it's true. Kids gotta learn how to lose before they can truly start to win. That's the only way being gracious in victory will ever come about.
troufaki13 4 years ago
Participation trophies may lead to giving no effort at all in my opinion. Why would someone try if they're going to get praised anyway? Embrace failure, learn from it and if you want to succeed you can try harder next time :)
#26
Kids are starting social media so early these days, and I think that’s very dangerous because it puts a lot of pressure on the kid to attribute their worth to their social media success. I also think parents are way too open with their social media when it comes to their kids, and it’s totally a violation of the child’s privacy, of which some parents will never admit
Rakjell Hanwell 4 years ago
My 'favorite mum was the one who wouldn't allow the nursery school I worked in to take any photos of their child (making her child the only one who didn't get a memory book and learning portfolio) and screamed at me, because I (a man) was helping her daughter get dressed after she peed herself (she never objected to me doing so in advance and knew, that was one of my duties). She herself then proceeded to post hundreds of pictures of her daughter, including nude swimming pool photos, on facebook.
#27
Bullies are only bullies because they feel insecure about themselves and you should sympathize with them. **k that, if someone is being s****y to you then they don't deserve your sympathy.
"When you’re reading an article that seems to be so shocking that you’re amazed this is the first time you’re hearing about it, take a short phrase from the piece and Google it. If something strikes you as fishy, go fishing," she said.
"As for whether or not your fishing will lead you to disinformation rather than the truth, try not to fish blindly. If you’re curious about crime stats, for instance, look these up on a government website, not some random blog," she explained. Checking websites like Snopes to see if some shocking stories are real or not is a good move.
#29
Children do learn about sex at a young age, it just isn’t usually in a productive way. I know I did. My own experience: questions like this are why I believe in being infinitely clear with my kids….”you are going to hear total [nonsense] from other kids. If you hear something you don’t understand, come talk to me. You can ask me anything and expect a decent answer.” And I would give examples of the total [nonsense] I had heard as a kid, most of which would result in pregnancy. Son, age 6. Daughter, age 7. Riding home from school: daughter says “Tiffany said she had sex with my brother.” Which left me a grand total of 3 minutes to gather my wits before we got home. OK, do you guys know what sex is? Blank looks. Sex is when you take off all of your clothes and rub privates together. You can make babies that way. Looks of shock and disgust. Do you think your brother had sex with Tiffany? Nooo! I think she was using a really bad way of trying to say she likes him, and maybe she watches the wrong TV shows where if people like each other they always have sex. Were my kids really ready for a sex talk? No, not really. They didn’t care. Did we really need to have one about then? Yep. My job as a parent is to be there to put things that come up in context for them, not run around after them deciding what and when they need to know things.
#31
“She’s younger than you, just let it go.” “Can’t you be more compassionate? Your the older one here in this situation" “ She’s a little child, she doesn’t know any better” Absolutely hate this information that was drilled into me since I was a kid
#32
Teaching them to respect authority instead of learning to freely question everything
Rissie 4 years ago
How about understand authority and its use and still question everything, also your own desire to question it. Like for instance, what will it bring me or the world if I have this discussion about something arbitrary just because I don't accept your authority as a cashier at Walmart just doing your job versus how many stupid things can one president do before I accept that he is not fit.
#33
The lie that life is fair and things happen for benevolent, valid reasons. Then we let them get burned and figure it out themselves.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I hate that some schools, sports events etc no longer have winning or losing teams and only give out participation trophy’s, ribbons etc. Fact of life is that some people are going to be be more successful. Awarding everyone just for participating isn’t going to build resilience in these kids to deal with the real world.
#34
You do not have to play with everyone. There is a total lack of social accountability. If Laura is always cheating at tag it’s okay to not let her play. If Little Billy throws sand in the sand box Little Timmy does not have to play with him. Laura and Billy need to learn how to play appropriately.
Rissie 4 years ago
True. Still good to talk to Laura and Billy about their behavior. As the adult supervising. That's the thing with supervising. If you see things getting out of hand, you help them out by showing the how it's done. Forcing others to play with kids like that is just enforcing unwanted behavior. And that will take some time. But don't think shutting out Billy and Laura is the way to go. They too need your help.
#35
Going too far on the "find your dream job and it'll never feel like work" stuff. Really messed me up when I wasn't "excited" about uni assignments and thought I had to change degrees
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Even if you do find your dream job doesn’t mean you will excel at it or like it forever.
#36
School is the only way to be successful and college is a requirement.
Honu 4 years ago
Well, if we're talking "success" as making enough money to be secure, I don't think a university degree is necessary, but it's pretty difficult to get a good job without finishing high school and having some post-secondary education. It doesn't have to be university, but getting some sort of trade or professional education after high school is definitely an easier path to a living wage job.
#37
This is more at a highschool level, but that trade schools or learning a trade is a lessor option compared to a standard college degree. Trade schools and learning a skilled trade need just as much emphasis as a college degree. Along those same lines, collage (or trade school) show be treated as a busy investment. Time should be taken for kids/teens to examine how long it will take to repay their schooling and if that degree is worth the money. Especially now with previous generation living longer and staying in the job market longer. Combined with more and more people graduating with degrees, there is more supply and the demand is not growing evenly in all areas of expertise.
#38
You show me respect first because I’m an adult and have authority then I choose whether I should show you respect no other way!
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
Sometimes people confuse respecting people as a person and respecting people as an authority, and they say 'respect me as an authority or i wont respect you as a person', and they think they're being fair, but they aren't.
#39
History from a single perspective. I am a history teacher and I firmly believe one of the most damaging things schools do is teach history from a single perspective, especially a euro-centric one. It just isn't how history works and causes lots of issues for any person/group who doesn't share that single perspective. P.S. teaching what I call "great man" history is almost as bad. History was made by more than presidents, inventors, and celebrities. Teaching only about significant figure after significant figure minimizes the impact of the 99.99999999% of the population that isn't super famous.
#40
Political views, at ages that children are really too young to understand them. They just spout off their parents thoughts
#41
Being discouraged to speak up about illness's because it makes them weird/ somethings wrong with them. They talk about like, You need therapy, which isnt a bad concept and you probably do need it, but they picture it in such a bad light.
#42
Generally just overprotecting them from the outside world. Kids that are raised in such a way have a hard time when they go out into real life.
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
Parents are in a quandary. They’re blamed for quite a bit. I understand the need to try and be perfect, protective, assertive, liberal, friendly etc.
#43
In a nasty divorce, the parents may only talk about each other’s bad qualities and the kid(s) may have an issue/issues with their parents.
#44
“The issue is that kids are told what’s important, not how to evaluate what’s important. Are grades important? Sure, but why do they care? You don’t need a 4.0 from a crippling pricey college to get a good job that will allow you to live the lifestyle you want. Is money important? Sure, but what so you need money for? You don’t need to work yourself to death to save for retirement and live a lifestyle that makes you happy. Are friends important? Sure, but you don’t need to be a social butterfly with huge parties every weekend. If you’ve got a few people you like to spend time with, don’t worry about it. Are material things important? Yeah, at a certain point, you do need some stuff to lead the lifestyle you want. But you don’t need the nicest car, newest phone, most exclusive clothes, or the best-decorated apartment. The key is decide what life you want to live, and wrap your choices around it unapologetically, and that’s a tricky thing to figure out, and it has to be personal. No one can make that decision for you, even if they can give you valuable advice on how to get there."
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
I've already completed this--I know that I want to be an author, so I make all of my educational and major life choices based on that. XD
#45
Basically all those s**t social media influencers that teach young people that it's all about money and brand names
#46
If you have a different opinion than someone, you hate them and that's wrong.
Rissie 4 years ago
Oh. I've thought about this one. Most people mostly feel things. As in what's right or wrong. So if they take a subject and actually start to reason about it and maybe come to a conclusion because of that, they still feel like everything is connected. So if you reason beyond that and disagree, they feel you disagree with everything you feel. When in fact it's merely this actively reasoned point. It takes some practice to get over that
#47
I personally hate when I hear parents telling their kids white lies to stop them from doing something
#48
Giving the kids anything they want without them working to get what they want. Also, telling the kids all their problems will magically go away in time, without them doing nothing.
FloridaMan 4 years ago
i guess i agree with this because if you do that it will make them spoiled but dont neglect them. sure give them gifts on christmas or their birthday give them food and water but the rest they do on their own thats my childhood
#49
that its ok to take your anger out on other people and that everyone should have social media and compare themselves to those who look "better"
chi-wei shen 4 years ago
A former co-worker once told me whenever she had a frustrating day at the office she goes grocery shopping before going home and takes her anger out on some supermarket employee. Then she is relaxed when arriving at home. She was an adult woman in her forties and didn't understand what's wrong with this behaviour.
#50
That the world outside your house is a scary and dangerous place. In the United States, it is largely not. Let them explore without fear.
Aurelia! 4 years ago
Depends on who you are...sadly. Of course, living in the US, myself and the people around me are so privileged and have so much, but still, the US can be quite dangerous (I'm thinking racial violence, violence against women, etc.) and teaching children a certain amount of fear is a necessary step to keeping them safe :(
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Rakjell Hanwell 4 years ago
As a nursery school teacher I want to add a lie, we always tell parents: that they are the 'experts' for their own child. No. The 'Expert' for your child is your child. They know, what is best for them. They might have difficulties voicing it, but it is our job to help them translate. Sure, kids love to do risky things, but not because they don't know what is good for them, but because they don't know much about the world yet. If a kid tells you, that they want to jump down the Niagara falls, what they are telling you probably is: 'I want to explore', 'I want to be somewhere high up and see the world from a new perspective' 'Or I want to go to the water'. They tell you, which learning experiences at that moment would benefit their development. We then have to translate it into something safe. ('Maybe we should jump from the tower in the local swimming pool first?')
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 4 years ago
"They know what is the best for them". If would depend on my kids 5 and 3 they would watch cartoons all day long and eat only pasta Bolognese and pizza. I don't know how to translate this into something "useful /healthy"
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ST4WBeRRi FrOg 4 years ago
I have one...Telling kids that being part of the lgbtq+ is bad or you shouldn't be an allie.. this in my opinion is dumb because kids are young and are still trying to find themselfs I'm non-binary who grew up in a lgbtq+phobic household and when I then figured out myself I got really scared and upset because I thought if I told my family they would get pissed ( which they did) which led me into deppression. also saying kids wont understand lgbtq+ and are doing for a trend please kids are saying they n word for no reason and cussing ,starting good protests. please kids know things about the world and if a kid is lgbtq+ you might not agree I cant force you too but please respect it.
ST4WBeRRi FrOg 4 years ago
Also Cischet people can be apart of the LGBTQ+ Straight Asexuals and Aromantics.
Load More Replies...
Cynthia Bonville 4 years ago
Something we need to tell children and adults is that parents are not perfect, they are very imperfect - but as human beings they are striving to work on that. Ideally they have improved on how their parents raised them and their children will do more so if they have children. I have generational trauma that my father survived, while he did not visit it on us there were other things (his trauma leaking out making him kind of weird), I know I will do the same but we acknowledge it in our family. There is something I will unknowingly pass on, while I can't stop that I can admit that it's probably there and make room for more healing.
Piet Puk 4 years ago
Children should be free from religion. I never understood how some parents could dictate their children what to believe.
Oerff On Tour 4 years ago
Reminds me of "Religion is like a penis. It's ok to have it. It's even ok to be proud of it. But it's NOT ok to talk about it all the time. AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT OK TO SHOVE IT DOWN OUR CHILDREN'S THROATS "
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago
is it just me or is this server getting more and more f****d up every day? replies appearing under wrong comments, comments disappearing randomly when clicked on "view more comments/replies", upvoting and downvoting doesn't work at all...
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yes! Comments are wrong, the downvoted ones are at the top....I'm glad it's not just me!
Load More Replies... Chenandoa 4 years ago
One thing I would like to add: yes, teach your child to entertain themselves, but also spend time with them. My mom was SOOO pleased I left her alone (happily) while she worked on her master's. However, I remeber feeling sad at times because she was too busy for me to show her my puzzle, or whatever. Now, I am struggling to figure out how to entertain myself, and when I ask my mom (who has nothing to do but sit and worry all day) to play a bored game with me, or something time consuming, or even to just let me read a fiction book out loud to her, she almost always refuses...and I feel she has no interesting in doing something together. In fact, just 5 years ago, a request to do something with her was usually answered with "let's take a nap". I have literally napped ONCE since I was younger than 3.
Monica Pryts 4 years ago
Stop telling them that Covid is a cold and that face masks will kill them.
soniacccccccccc 4 years ago
the one thing parents must not teach their children is that illnesses are bad and are things you can use as slang. For example, where I live, all kids (mostly 8 year old boys) love to use the word schizophrenic as an insult. THIS IS NOT OK. WHY? And mental illnesses are also considered funny and stupid. this is not okay and it needs to stop. And no, I am not sexist. It's just the fact that boys here are taught that it's okay to make fun of people. And they are also really pressured by society to be "cool" and use these words. Just so you know, most don't even know what the word means.
KatCloud 4 years ago
My parents told me to stop saying ‘I don’t know’ and shrugging because it’s not the ‘right’ answer. They told me I was being too moody and blamed it on my, not my hormones. I am becoming a teenager now, and everyone blames it on me. It’s not like I can stop growing up. Another thing would be that my parents would punish me, I’d ask what I did wrong and they’d give me some stupid excuse like ‘because I said so’ or ‘I’m the parent’. This even happened with my friends, when I was in grade 1 or 2. They said they could tell me what to do because they were older than me. And one more thing: my parents force me to socialise with people I don’t know. Like, my parents’ friends and their kids. I never knew them but I was forced to say hello, greet myself and play with them. Once, I was going for a walk, and my brother and I went ahead of my parents, there was a lady, a man and two children. Then, the lady said hello to us. We didn’t know if she was a stranger or a friend.
Genevieve B 4 years ago
We make it now seem like it's bad to be weird. my parents have always made sure i embrace my inner weird, and Im thankful for that.
Logically Reasonable 4 years ago
I'm shocked that "Because I said so" wasn't on the list, much less #1 on the list!! ............ And I think it's what is NOT being taught to kids anymore = self reliance, honesty, compassion, manners, etiquette, social responsibility, social manners, social etiquette, think for yourself, what you see on TV is ENTERTAINMENT NOT REALITY OR TRUTH, don't expect other people to do it for you or think it for you because they aren't you, other people live on this planet so don't be an ass, theres a time and place for everything, and sex is NOT the most important thing, much less the end-all, be-all, super duper awesome thing the lying media and fake TV tells you it is. Some people go their whole lives without sex, and are extremely happy people.
Yugan Talovich 4 years ago
As a teacher, I'd like to add: don't worry too much about your homework, some time to goof off and a good night's sleep are more important.
Chris 4 years ago
This week's "really obvious parenting" post, with tips to avoid things that nobody in their right mind would actually do. Stay tuned, Hans will be along in a minute with a recommended reading list of books he hasn't read.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Actually these aren't obvious to a lot of people. It's like some weird "reflex" to just say stuff we heard/were taught, and it's hard to break the cycle.
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Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Actually, as a kid my parents (I guess they are Christian, although they don't attend church etc), they would take my sister and I to the local Presbyterian church, until we were 8 & 11, then said we could choose if we wished to keep going. We didn't. But it meant that I got perspective on religion, and kept me from being judgemental of those who choose religion; I could see the sense of community and positivity that came from that local church. It also opened my mind just enough to take philosophy of religion at uni, which has given me a better understanding of religions of which I was ignorant. Summary: I'm agnostic more than atheist, and I respect other people's religious choices. I don't accept the misuse of religion to excuse mistreatment however. All religions share common threads and similar tales within them, and love and tolerance are meant to be core aspects of most religion.
Load More Replies...
angie but who cares 4 years ago
if you do things worthy of respect you will get it gen z here
Load More Replies...
Rakjell Hanwell 4 years ago
As a nursery school teacher I want to add a lie, we always tell parents: that they are the 'experts' for their own child. No. The 'Expert' for your child is your child. They know, what is best for them. They might have difficulties voicing it, but it is our job to help them translate. Sure, kids love to do risky things, but not because they don't know what is good for them, but because they don't know much about the world yet. If a kid tells you, that they want to jump down the Niagara falls, what they are telling you probably is: 'I want to explore', 'I want to be somewhere high up and see the world from a new perspective' 'Or I want to go to the water'. They tell you, which learning experiences at that moment would benefit their development. We then have to translate it into something safe. ('Maybe we should jump from the tower in the local swimming pool first?')
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 4 years ago
"They know what is the best for them". If would depend on my kids 5 and 3 they would watch cartoons all day long and eat only pasta Bolognese and pizza. I don't know how to translate this into something "useful /healthy"
Load More Replies... ST4WBeRRi FrOg 4 years ago
I have one...Telling kids that being part of the lgbtq+ is bad or you shouldn't be an allie.. this in my opinion is dumb because kids are young and are still trying to find themselfs I'm non-binary who grew up in a lgbtq+phobic household and when I then figured out myself I got really scared and upset because I thought if I told my family they would get pissed ( which they did) which led me into deppression. also saying kids wont understand lgbtq+ and are doing for a trend please kids are saying they n word for no reason and cussing ,starting good protests. please kids know things about the world and if a kid is lgbtq+ you might not agree I cant force you too but please respect it.
ST4WBeRRi FrOg 4 years ago
Also Cischet people can be apart of the LGBTQ+ Straight Asexuals and Aromantics.
Load More Replies... Cynthia Bonville 4 years ago
Something we need to tell children and adults is that parents are not perfect, they are very imperfect - but as human beings they are striving to work on that. Ideally they have improved on how their parents raised them and their children will do more so if they have children. I have generational trauma that my father survived, while he did not visit it on us there were other things (his trauma leaking out making him kind of weird), I know I will do the same but we acknowledge it in our family. There is something I will unknowingly pass on, while I can't stop that I can admit that it's probably there and make room for more healing.
Piet Puk 4 years ago
Children should be free from religion. I never understood how some parents could dictate their children what to believe.
Oerff On Tour 4 years ago
Reminds me of "Religion is like a penis. It's ok to have it. It's even ok to be proud of it. But it's NOT ok to talk about it all the time. AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT OK TO SHOVE IT DOWN OUR CHILDREN'S THROATS "
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago
is it just me or is this server getting more and more f****d up every day? replies appearing under wrong comments, comments disappearing randomly when clicked on "view more comments/replies", upvoting and downvoting doesn't work at all...
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yes! Comments are wrong, the downvoted ones are at the top....I'm glad it's not just me!
Load More Replies... Chenandoa 4 years ago
One thing I would like to add: yes, teach your child to entertain themselves, but also spend time with them. My mom was SOOO pleased I left her alone (happily) while she worked on her master's. However, I remeber feeling sad at times because she was too busy for me to show her my puzzle, or whatever. Now, I am struggling to figure out how to entertain myself, and when I ask my mom (who has nothing to do but sit and worry all day) to play a bored game with me, or something time consuming, or even to just let me read a fiction book out loud to her, she almost always refuses...and I feel she has no interesting in doing something together. In fact, just 5 years ago, a request to do something with her was usually answered with "let's take a nap". I have literally napped ONCE since I was younger than 3.
Monica Pryts 4 years ago
Stop telling them that Covid is a cold and that face masks will kill them.
soniacccccccccc 4 years ago
the one thing parents must not teach their children is that illnesses are bad and are things you can use as slang. For example, where I live, all kids (mostly 8 year old boys) love to use the word schizophrenic as an insult. THIS IS NOT OK. WHY? And mental illnesses are also considered funny and stupid. this is not okay and it needs to stop. And no, I am not sexist. It's just the fact that boys here are taught that it's okay to make fun of people. And they are also really pressured by society to be "cool" and use these words. Just so you know, most don't even know what the word means.
KatCloud 4 years ago
My parents told me to stop saying ‘I don’t know’ and shrugging because it’s not the ‘right’ answer. They told me I was being too moody and blamed it on my, not my hormones. I am becoming a teenager now, and everyone blames it on me. It’s not like I can stop growing up. Another thing would be that my parents would punish me, I’d ask what I did wrong and they’d give me some stupid excuse like ‘because I said so’ or ‘I’m the parent’. This even happened with my friends, when I was in grade 1 or 2. They said they could tell me what to do because they were older than me. And one more thing: my parents force me to socialise with people I don’t know. Like, my parents’ friends and their kids. I never knew them but I was forced to say hello, greet myself and play with them. Once, I was going for a walk, and my brother and I went ahead of my parents, there was a lady, a man and two children. Then, the lady said hello to us. We didn’t know if she was a stranger or a friend.
Genevieve B 4 years ago
We make it now seem like it's bad to be weird. my parents have always made sure i embrace my inner weird, and Im thankful for that.
Logically Reasonable 4 years ago
I'm shocked that "Because I said so" wasn't on the list, much less #1 on the list!! ............ And I think it's what is NOT being taught to kids anymore = self reliance, honesty, compassion, manners, etiquette, social responsibility, social manners, social etiquette, think for yourself, what you see on TV is ENTERTAINMENT NOT REALITY OR TRUTH, don't expect other people to do it for you or think it for you because they aren't you, other people live on this planet so don't be an ass, theres a time and place for everything, and sex is NOT the most important thing, much less the end-all, be-all, super duper awesome thing the lying media and fake TV tells you it is. Some people go their whole lives without sex, and are extremely happy people.
Yugan Talovich 4 years ago
As a teacher, I'd like to add: don't worry too much about your homework, some time to goof off and a good night's sleep are more important.
Chris 4 years ago
This week's "really obvious parenting" post, with tips to avoid things that nobody in their right mind would actually do. Stay tuned, Hans will be along in a minute with a recommended reading list of books he hasn't read.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Actually these aren't obvious to a lot of people. It's like some weird "reflex" to just say stuff we heard/were taught, and it's hard to break the cycle.
Load More Replies... Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Actually, as a kid my parents (I guess they are Christian, although they don't attend church etc), they would take my sister and I to the local Presbyterian church, until we were 8 & 11, then said we could choose if we wished to keep going. We didn't. But it meant that I got perspective on religion, and kept me from being judgemental of those who choose religion; I could see the sense of community and positivity that came from that local church. It also opened my mind just enough to take philosophy of religion at uni, which has given me a better understanding of religions of which I was ignorant. Summary: I'm agnostic more than atheist, and I respect other people's religious choices. I don't accept the misuse of religion to excuse mistreatment however. All religions share common threads and similar tales within them, and love and tolerance are meant to be core aspects of most religion.
Load More Replies... angie but who cares 4 years ago
if you do things worthy of respect you will get it gen z here
Load More Replies... 
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