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People List Things Parents Should Stop Teaching Their Kids And Explain Why They’re Harmful (50 Answers)
Kids are the future. One day, we’ll all be old and gray while our generation’s children or grandchildren are the CEOs, politicians, doctors, scientists and educators making the world go round. Every loving parent works hard to ensure that their kids grow up to be productive, empathetic and well-adjusted individuals, but despite our best intentions, sometimes dangerous ideas find a way to permeate these young minds.
Last week, Reddit user Savings-Actuator-571 started a conversation by posing the question, “What harmful ideas are being taught to children?” And thousands of people weighed in with ideas they heard as kids or have observed being taught to other children. Whether these lessons are taught intentionally to protect kids or learned through society and media, it’s important that adults are aware of what ideas are being taught so we can either shut down these messages or steer children in the right direction.
Below, you’ll find a list of some of these harmful ideas being sold to kids, so you can know what to look out for or what ideas to avoid accidentally passing on yourself. Be sure to upvote the responses you particularly resonate with, and then let us know in the comments what other harmful messages you’ve seen taught to children. Then if you’re interested in reading Bored Panda’s last article on the same topic, you can find it right here.
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Abstinence only sex education. Seriously, teens are going to have sex, even when told not to. Teaching them to be safe while doing it is not going to increase the odds of them f*****g.... It is just going to decrease teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
Kids are extremely impressionable. And while it may seem like they’re not always listening or paying attention, they are probably soaking up everything they hear adults say like a sponge. Though many moms and dads have the impulse to parent the exact same way they were raised, as it’s easy to repeat what we already know, this can be a surefire way to pass on the same harmful ideas that we were taught as kids. For example, if your father always forced you to eat all of the food on your plate, regardless of how hungry you were, you might think, “Hey, I turned out fine. I can teach my kids the same thing.”
However, if you actually take the time to stop and consider how that affected your relationship with food, you might decide that’s not the best message to be spreading to your little ones. When we take time to consider what’s being taught to children, we might realize that there are harmful ideas being slipped into our lives all the time. And although it’s too late to correct how we were raised, we might be able to make some things easier for the younger generations.
“Anyone in this classroom able to play piano?” An elementary school teacher asks.
Nobody raise a hand until this one little girl doubtfully raise her hand.
“Really? You can play piano? Please show us how you play.”
With a heart pounding so hard like it’s never before, the little girl plays a simple classic song. Definitely not perfect; missed notes here and there but she keeps going. After she finished playing, the teacher says “What was that? It’s not a real song. Anyone else able to play piano?” Everybody laugh. Later, the little girl begging her parents to let her quit her piano lessons.
It happens to me when I was about 8 years old.
If people are wondering why kids are mean and bully, the answer is: adults taught them to be.
There are also ideas being passed onto kids through society and media. I’m sure we all experienced this as kids as well, regardless of what decades we grew up in. But as children are becoming more and more plugged-in, with access to cell phones and social media at extremely young ages, it has become much harder to control what information they have access to. In 2018, the average age for kids to start using social media was 12.6, but it’s likely only gotten younger since then, as Cleveland Health reported last year that half of kids between the ages of 10 and 12 are already using social media apps.
So what’s the impact of all of this internet use on kids? Well, kids online at a young age are likely to take part in dangerous online behavior such as having online-only friends (that could be adults for all they know), visiting sites not intended for young audiences and participating in online harassment and bullying. Kids that spend more time online have also been noted to experience behavioral changes like becoming more irritable, experiencing increased anxiety and seeing a drop in their self-esteem.
I used to work at a movie theater back in the day and I'll never forget witnessing a kid pick up their trash on their way out like a responsible person and their mother instructing them to put it back down because it is not their responsibility. Probably way more harmful things being taught to kids, but the story just came back to my mind.
I hate walking out of the movie theater and seeing so much trash left behind. my husband tends to do that too, so I make sure to loudly say "we ate this, it's our responsibility to take it to the trash. What kind of human doesn't clean up after themselves???" And people around just walk look away and walk out faster XD
That anyone you spend time with of the opposite sex is automatically your boy/girlfriend. Instills the idea that you can only be friends with those of the same gender as you, which is messed up.
"What did you do at break time today?"
"I had fun playing with Sarah."
"Oooh, is Sarah your girlfriend?"
I totally agree it pushes harmful things on the children making them think they have to starting dating any friend that’s the opposite gender of them.
“Boys don’t cry!”
Whoever came up with that one.... Everyone should be able to show their emotions. That f*cking macho culture is just so sad... Men are still men, even when they show their tears. No shame in crying.
According to child psychologist Dr. Kate Eshleman, adults need to keep a close eye on their little ones when they’re online because it’s easy for them to enter dangerous territory. “Kids don’t have the cognitive and executive functioning to think through harmful situations and why those might be a bad idea,” Dr. Eshleman told Cleveland Health. “So sometimes they’re placing themselves in physical risk.”
This could include sharing too much information like their address, where they go to school, their parents’ names and professions, their phone numbers or even worse, credit card numbers or social security numbers. Kids can even be pressured to partake in dangerous viral trends, which often circulate on websites like TikTok and Instagram. And of course, it can be extremely difficult for children to know whether a person they meet online is a predator. Even people they do know can cyberbully them, but kids often don’t understand when they should and shouldn’t engage. It’s best to teach them that they should limit their time online in the first place, contrary to what they might be hearing from the world and their friends.
That questioning authority is a bad thing.
People of authority aren't always right or safe, so it's not necessarily a bad thing to question it.
That if someone teases/bullies you, that person may like you. Basically teaching kids at a young age that it's 'ok' when someone is being mean and rude to you.
Or even worse, teaching kids that abusive relationships are not only ok but possibly "better" than non abusive ones.
Welp time to get downvoted.
I’m a proponent against bubble wrapping kids feelings. I’m not saying let’s bully and abuse the children, but we don’t let them feel tough things anymore. And I’m not here to get political or anything. I’m just saying, kids aren’t encouraged to explore trails of thought without acting on them, they’re not encouraged to be scared or push themselves physically and mentally, they’re not encouraged to challenge status quo and I mean real status quo, not the whole “society will tell you this but don’t listen little timmy” meanwhile every other kid is being told that thing and not doing it. Yes let kids laugh, but also let them know it’s okay to cry, and if they want to hold back the tears sometimes, that’s okay too, just, don’t go your whole life trying to keep things “good”. Bad things in our lives make us better sometimes and we don’t always have to suppress that as terrible as it sounds.
Life is often unfair, unkind or unequal. Children need to learn that and how to cushion the disappointments.
Another potentially harmful idea that children are sometimes taught is that they should be scared of everything. Well-intentioned parents sometimes shield their kids too much and teach them that there is danger lurking around every corner, from strangers, school shooters, neighbors, the internet, films and even foods they could choke on. While it's important to be honest with our kids about the inherent risks in the world that they should be cautious of, kids should also be allowed to embrace their natural bravery. Kids are usually not scared of much, until they have a reason to be, and the last things they should be worrying about are falling off the swings or having an intruder enter their homes. They should be free to dive head first into life, and yes, they might break a bone or chip a tooth now and then, but that builds character. Raising children that are too scared to ever try anything new will not set them up for success later in life.
Finish everything on your plate!
I developped severe digestive issues because of this. I've always been tiny. When I wasn't able to finish my plate, my parents insisted I had to eat all the meat at least (no, not the veggies, the meat!) Which happened every day, so I ended up eating mostly meat and too much of it. I was constipated, bloated and nauseated all the time. And it didn't make me any bigger.
I was scared of eating because my mother just insist on how ugly an d disgusting I was. So at 2-3am I ate all I found, those years really hurt me. I tried so hard to be good for her and be beautiful (no fat) as my sister. I’m blonde and I even put my hair darker like my sister. My sister was the one who always told me that mom was a bad person and that I was beautiful but the damage was already done. I leave house at 20 but I struggle with eating disorder. I got really sick and now I need to watch that I don’t loose any more weight. I’m so much better now
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I read somewhere that always finishing even when full can be a bad thing. Eat when you're hungry, and stop when you're full.
This has been a recent turnaround based on science and research. But yeah when I was a kid we were expected to eat everything on our plate. I remember one particular instance when being served left over mashed potatoes. And then when I tried holding my nose so I wouldn't be able to taste them, that was forbidden. Power struggle ensues in which I end up still at the table an hour later.
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Enough is enough... Eat until you've had enough, chew each bite plenty (funny enough that is almost never told) and never ever make dessert a reward to finish their plate. That's also a way of forcing your kid to eat. Better is it to teach from a young age that what amount of food comes on their plate, is something they can learn and going back for seconds of the first serving wasn't sufficient is better then looking at a plate so full it makes you want to puke....
Let the kids serve themselves, or ask them how much do they want, and then yes, ask them to finish what they have in the plate. I think it's a way to teach them to be responsible with their food and learn to reduce food waste. It may require a little bit of adjustment in the beginning (and in the beginning you shouldn't be so strict with them in clearing the plate) but after a little while they would learn to take the amount of food they are willing to eat.
Nah, they are only kids, and still need to learn. They are bound to make mistakes and miscalculations -it happens to grown-ups too. That cake you thought was a fluffy chocolate cake turned out to be dense brownie, and you therefore ended up with more on the plate than you can consume without feeling nausious... ok s**t happens, you learned your lesson, now try to get it right next time. Forcing people to eat until they throw up will do no good, other than install a sense in them of you being unreasonable and cruel. I think a better way to handle the topic is to introduce them to the concept of "seconds" and encourage them to take a bit less than they think they will need at first and top up afterwards to adjust. That is much easier than getting it right in the first try every time and will reduce the amount of wasted food.
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I'm so grateful that I, a grown-a*s adult, can look at my dad and go "ehh, I can't finish this, do you want it?" and he'll either go "Heck yeah" and scarf it down or else "Nah, just toss it"... absolving me of all guilt for wasting food.
This is my family. But we have a dog instead of trash. (Don't worry I don't give him anything unsafe even if I have to pick it out)
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I am half in and half out on this one. It's seems to be an American thing to serve up plates of food at home. In that instance I would agree that kids should not be forced to finish the plate. But in Europe, it's more common for kids to load their own plates from the table, and then I would demand that they finish what they served themselves.
I don't think you should ever "demand" that a kid eats when they're full; it's still teaching them to override their body's signals. If you want to avoid wasting food, they can have the rest another time.
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My sister didn't develop an eating disorder, but she did have ADHD as well as undiagnosed Autism. Making her sit for an hour after everyone else finished eating wasn't benefitting anyone.
Yeah, I got the old “there are starving children in ____ (name the starving country) who would be grateful for that plate of food!” b******t. My parents both grew from children to teenagers during the Great Depression, and took that mindset well into the 1960s when I was a child. Though most Depression Era frugality is valuable to know about and practice, this idea of forcing children to clean their plates needs to go ASAP—-especially if parents tend to overfill the plates with too much food for a child. I have had to retrain myself to understand portion sizes, and only eat until I’m not hungry anymore, instead of feeling obligated to eat way past that point I order to dutifully clean my plate. My weight went up and down during my teens, and has always taken great effort to keep at a normal level, because of their outdated b******t.
My grandma grew up during the depressions she was crazy frugal. Only one square of toilet paper but she always taught me to only take a spoonful(serving size) until everyone had some them if there was any left over I could get more.
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Yes, it teaches your brain to ignore your body's own satiety signals and f**ks up your eating patterns for life. I can see where it came from, my whole family going generations back were dirt poor. If you didn't eat all your food you wouldn't be certain of getting any for your next meal. Its why my Dad licks his plate clean and looks for leftovers. In Western environments high fat and high calorie, low nutrient food is so cheap and plentiful it's causing an obesity epidemic especially within impoverished communities who have had this "eat up" behaviour encoded into their DNA over generations.
I was never forced to finish my plate. My poor dad got heavier over the years finishing my plate.
I also hate it when you’re being watched over by an aunt (this is my sisters story) and she cooks a full out adult meal for a ten year old, and expect them and her two toddlers to finish everything on the plate, even after they threw up on said plate. Ugh.
Adults decide what is cooked, children decide how much they eat.. while my children *have to* taste 1 bite of everything, they then can decide how much they want to eat. If they don't like what I made, I'll give fruit/ sandwich/ noodle soup as replacement. My children do (help with) cook(ing). So before dinner, they already have tasted a lot. They all had their "ew, I don't like" phases when they lived on sandwiches/ fruit only. Those luckily didn't last long.
This was the rule in my mother’s house (luckily, my grandparents raised me, so I wasn’t there very often), but to compound it… she served me… and she served me WAY TOO MUCH. I think as we become adults, we either do as our parents did or intentionally choose to NOT do what our parents did. In this case, I went the opposite way, because it bothered me so much to be forced to eat food I didn’t want. When they became old enough, my children served themselves. They could finish or not, but I did implement “no thank you bites.” They has to take at least one bite of something to try it out before they said, “No, thank you. I don’t want/like it.” This often resulted in them loving new foods so much, they would go back for seconds.
I have a huuuuuge appetite, but I can't finish the Thanksgiving dinner Mom!
If my family has something with rice for dinner, I don't leave a single grain.
My parents had a different spin on this that was much healthier - don’t put more on your plate than you will eat. Helped us learn to gauge our needs on our own. There was no shaming if we took too much, just a comment to try to remember next time and the plate would be covered and saved for later (we were poor so food waste was avoided as much as possible).
This is a big no no for me. I used to sleep at the kitchen table because I wasn't allowed to leave it. I suffer from an eating issues now. I eat 1 meal a day 2 if I'm forced. Good job family
Yup... was at a friend's house was admonished to "put more on my plate" - wouldn't believe I was full. So.. because of ANOTHER idiotic 'rule' - you listen to the adults, right? So I put more on... then it was "Finish everything, don't waste it" sooo... I got sick everywhere afterwards. Oh... and it was **MY FAULT** for being such a defective excuse for a child.
Never!!! I had a eating disorder for 26 Yrs, Because in My Family ( special Mum/Gran) Love/Punish/Everything!!!! Was & could only be Said with food …. One of the most hatet things was Eat Up!!! Caus’ it was things I didn’t ask for! Giant port!! Things They knew I hated,But I was forced to eat No matter What!! I remember My Younger brother sitting for 7 hours at the table,with the plate & the Cold potatoes He Truly HATED!!! It all ended only because He vomitted all over the table,when He finally did try to eat them!!! I have NEVER FORCED MY KID TO CLEAN THE PLATE OR EAT ANYTHING HE DON’T WAN’T TO!! But I have allways told him,Taste the food for real. If U really don’t like it,then it’s ok. And it’s better to put a litlle On U’r plate,then U Can have some more if U are more hungry👍😃
My parents never forced me to finish my plate when I was young. Yet for some reason, I do feel guilty for not finishing my vegetables when I'm full, and I wonder why that is.
Guilt of food waste I guess, or the feeling that my meal is unbalanced if I don't finish them.
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Meh. I got two over weight kids and two under weight kids. I'm constantly monitoring food cause i want all of them to stay healthy. As long as the doctor doesn't freak out neither do I.
Used to fill myself way after i already felt sarisfied. Solution: smaller plates maybe 1 inch less in diameter.
Got 4 kids and I somewhat became a human trash can because they rarely finish their plates and i can't stand wasting food.
This should only be stressed if the child has served themselves so they will learn to serve themselves smaller portions if their tendency is to serve themselves too much. They are under no obligation whatsoever to finish what's on their plate if someone else has served them their food.
Ridiculous! One thanksgiving at my aunt's house, about 10 of us, my aunt piled food on my 4 yr old twins plates as if they were adults. It was so much, even I couldn't have eaten that much unless I did it in 2 sessions. Then rebuked them because they couldn't eat not even a third of it. My mom gave her hell and that was the last time we went for dinner. They're 40 now. Rebuking a child at the dinner table is a big no no. Even my old fashioned mom would never do it and I certainly didn't.
My parents made me eat applesauce as part of dinner almost every night of my childhood. I get it: they wanted me to eat fruits and veggies, I was picky, applesauce was something I would actually eat (at first), and it's cheaper than fresh fruits. But the more I had to eat applesauce the more I hated it until I almost gagged when I ate it. The only thing this taught me was that my parents didn't care about my feelings. I still can't eat applesauce to this day.
My parents did this. I was usually at the table for a long time, after everyone got up. I was never a big eater, and let's face it; there are foods no one likes. I never did my kids like this, or my grandsons. I try to make a meal everyone likes, and know they will eat. But, sometimes my youngest grandson gets weird over food. One day, he loves it, gobbles it up. The next time I make it, I don't like that! But, you ate it last time. Then, won't touch a bite iof it. So, I end up making him something he will eat. Never, force your kids to eat. Do you eat things you don't like? If you do; why do you do it?
OP forgot to include the most ridiculous part of this noxious command: "there are children starving in Africa". Yes, but force-feeding your children doesn't fill the bellies of the starving children, you dolt.
My school had a rule that you couldn't eat your pudding if you didn't finish your "main".. there was plenty of times I was given something I simply couldn't eat my main because it was a food that made me sick, or I had sensory etc issues with due to my autism (thankfully I eat far more than I used to now xP) .. I'd rather kids just eat their pudding and not be hungry, then not eat at all.
We eat too much and the planet is paying the price for it. We gotta stop encouraging gluttony.
Sure, but forcefeeding kids who gets the dimentioning wrong before they have had a proper chance of learning how much they can eat of certain things, or telling them to clean a plate containing a "standard portion" (especially when it is at a restaurant who is conserned that that 220 lb maison does not leave hungry), is simply not the right way to do it. Teaching them to eat after they are full will just install some unhealthy eating habits in them, that can cause obisity and all the issues it brings along with it, and in that case the food does less harm in the bin than it does in the body. Teach them to be aware of how much they put on the plate, but leave it at that, instead of insisting that they always clean the plates, even when it makes them sick.
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Dinner should be positive family time, not a struggle or a fight. Give them small portions, and they can have more if they want. If my kids didn’t finish their dinner, they could wrap their plate up, put it in the fridge and have it later as a snack before bed if they got hungry. Also, no snacking before dinner.
You are not always in control of how much food you are served. In some families the parents dish up, and especially at a restaurant, they can get it completely wrong - especially if the serving size is made so you are absolutely sure no one will leave hungry, including that active maison that weighs 220 lb and works all day, so everbody is served a mountain of food. On other times you just get the calculations wrong, because the food is denser than you thought. Eating more than you need does nothing good, and too much food will end up harming your body in the long run, and that food will do more good being tossed then. Getting it wrong now and then should just be considered a cost of business, as no one is perfect.
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However keep in mind that some children would happily starve themselves for the sake of playtime. Mine is one of them. So you do have to make sure they get the proper amount of nutrition. Try to keep serving sizes appropriate to your child's size and age. (Example With mine I make her eat at least half a sandwich to start and if she is still hungry she can have the second half. It's never failed that once she sits and eats half a sandwich she realizes she was hungry and asks for the second half.) Each child is an individual so you may have try other methods, and talk to thier pediatrician about proper serving sizes and nutrition for them.
I think that the reason that a lot of us boomers (I'm 66) learned to finish our plates is that our parents were children of the depression. They HAD to eat what they were given, and needed any calories available. I vividly remember once, after my mother roasted a turkey or chicken, my father grabbing a slice of bread, scooping up some of the congealed fat in the bottom of the pan, and eating it with satisfaction. Us kids were grossed out by it, but he was not about to let that source of calories go to waste. It's hard to change a custom that is no longer necessary, once it's become ingrained into your personality or society.
When I was a kid my mom used to fix Lima beans that was like eating clay, my dad would make me sit at the table until I finished them, come 9 o'clock I would be sent to bed only to be greeted by a bowl of lime beans for breakfast! 🤮
The 8 months I spent living with my dad and stepmother led me to develop bulimia. I've never been tiny, I was a UK size 12 when I moved in with them at 16. Stepmother didn't want me there and as my dad was in the army and spent time away on exercise she was left to deal with me. I'd been there for less than a week when she noticed my bra was the wrong size and when I came home from school she took me into the bedroom to measure me. Then after finding out my size she went into the living room and announced to my dad and 10 soldier friends who were there that I had 36dd breasts. I was horrified. Then a few days later she started weighing me because I was too fat. I started throwing up after meals because I couldn't lose weight as fast as she wanted. She found out and the next day my dad had invited some of his soldier friends to dinner and after I'd eaten my stepmother said in front of everyone, you have to stay where I can see you for the next hour so I can make sure you don't throw up
I agree and disagree: Telling your kids to finish their plates when they filled it is a way of teaching them "do not take more than you need". I've seen too many adults at buffets coming back with a pile of food of which they only eat half. One should always avoid spilling food. Of course forcing a kid to eat too big portions of food isn't good either.
if i didn't eat everything on my plate, i got spanked with a wooden ping pong paddle. it was always when we had a meal that would include ground hamburger, as it was a textural thing with me. it made me gag trying to swallow it.
No, unless you put it there yourself. Then it is no longer about food, but about greed.
I'm sorry but unless you are being served more than a reasonable amount or there's a special circumstance, this sounds like a first world problem.
Not specifically taught, but moreso an effect of how we teach kids.
Smart and gifted kids in school aren’t challenged enough. Those that do very well, even in a specific subject instead of overall, aren’t taught proper work ethic because they excel already and don’t need to work as hard. Since they aren’t challenged early, they don’t learn how to work when challenged, and they end up doing poorly in school later in life. I know it’s hard to do, but we really need to be aware that we’re setting kids up to fail when we don’t properly challenge them.
That EVERYONE should go to college. Such BS.
This is the myth that school districts use to justify the near total elimination of vocation programs.
I agree with this. College costs so damn much and it seems most jobs available afterwards dont pay enough to cover the cost of the education that's required.
Arthur C. Brooks wrote an article for The Atlantic explaining just why we should not teach our kids to be too fearful of the world, and one way he mentioned to assuage concerned parents' fears is to look at the actual facts. He notes that it has actually never been safer to be a child in the United States than it is today. Despite how focused on negative news media cycles always seem to be, Brooks writes that, "Since 1935, the number of childhood deaths between the ages of 1 and 4 fell from 450 to 30 per 100,000. It has fallen by nearly half just since 1990, and the decreases in other age groups are similarly impressive." Plus, with all of the technology available to us today, in terms of keeping track of our children and advancements in the medical field, kids have become pretty much invincible. Of course, there are certain rules to always keep in mind like "stranger danger" and looking both ways before crossing the road, but kids should not be scared of simply being kids. They have the rest of their lives to worry; let's not make them do it from a young age.
"Tattling" is bad. That kind of mentality is what leads adults to say nothing when they hear/see domestic violence and various forms of neglect, because its "not their business".
This is exactly what my father says! He's always going "if it isn't your business, don't do anything, it isn't your problem" When i told him that a guy that has a crush on my friend is getting REALLLLLYYYYY creepy and obsessive(taking pics randomly and sending messages saying how much he loves her and that she isn't grateful enough for him) and that i'm gonna tell him to f*ck off, he went "your friend is a coward, she should deal with it herself. Also, you should ask for PERMISSION when dealing with other people's problems" While i might half agree with the 2nd part, she is not a coward, but fighting back herself would put her in a lot of danger
that crying is bad. parents don’t learn to regulate their own emotions and expect their kids to do it. then they start suppressing crying. and then they grow to be adults with zero emotional regulation. it’s a cycle.
Teaching them they’re responsible for how other people feel “mommy is so sad you won’t hug her” child then feels obligated to hug her to make her feel better. Think about what this means as an adult…
Another tip Brooks provides for keeping our kids safe without instilling a fear of the world into them is being careful of how we frame advice. He notes that when we inform our children of threats, we often deliver the message in a way that is not specific enough, and research shows that a "blanket attitude" towards fear is not always very effective. "If you want to offer a child a warning to make them better prepared, focus on one specific danger they might face and how to deal with it," Brooks explains. "Instead of saying, 'People will try to take advantage of you at college,' say, 'If someone is trying to get you to drink too much, avoid that person.'"
you have to respect ppl that are older than u, even if they are wrong
That saying you’re sorry is showing weakness.
What awful parents teach this? When, how and why you apologise are one of the first things most toddlers get taught!
They don't have an opinion. I'm breaking generational curses by simply listening to my kids.
I saw a little girl in a grocery store I worked out, all excited about her day. She tried to tell her mother about it, and then her mother told her she didn't care and to shut up. I was absolutely dumbfounded. This little girl was like 4 years old! What a horrible mother!
Brooks also recommends that parents try to counteract "negative primals", or assumptions that the world is threatening, from the outside. When your children are out of the house, at school or hanging out with their friends, there's no telling what they'll be exposed to. But if they come home stressed and worried about all of the dangers that the world presents, it can be helpful to ease their minds and bring them back down to reality. Brooks explains that with his own daughter, he does not sugarcoat the truths of the world, but he does remind her to focus on the positives. Yes, there are dangerous things and people out there to be cautious of, but they're not everywhere. In fact, there are plenty of wonderful things and people in the world as well. "Instead of teaching our kids fear primals, let’s teach them love primals, which neutralize fear and put something good in its place," he writes. "Let them know that people are made for love—we all crave it, and we can find something lovable in just about everyone we meet."
The worst one I ever witnessed was a single father of a two year old girl who was leaving a social gathering with his daughter, as it was time for her to go to bed. He picked her up and walked her from one guest to the next, strangers and friends alike, making her give each guest a hug and a kiss goodnight. Whether she wanted to or not did not matter to him, she was going to do it because he thought he was teaching her to be polite. I pulled him aside and gave him my thoughts on what I saw. By making her kiss people she did not know, he was violating her boundaries and making it much easier for a pedophile to touch her inappropriately in the future. Not only might she not object, she may not talk about it either. Because an adult asked her to, meant it was expected of her, right? He was aghast at his own lack of foresight, thanked me for my perspective, and promptly ended the practice.
I can see teaching your child to wave goodbye, but physical stuff..that's definitely messing with a child's boundaries.
External validation.
Constantly chasing likes and followers. The unbearable weight of keeping up appearances. Lives and bodies that aren't perfect seem to have no value.
I am so happy to be my age, wouldn't want to be young again in this world...
I’m dyslexic, but no one would test me as a kid because my grades “weren’t low enough”. Nope, instead I had to be in tutorials for ALL OF ELEMENTARY, where I still wasn’t getting help/ understanding anything. I thought I was stupid until I found out about my dyslexia when I was in 7th grade. I cried all night. The idea that in order to be tested for something like dyslexia (which is really common!) you basically need to be failing is a really harmful idea to engrain into kids. Like I said, I though I was stupid because I couldn’t spell or understand math. Now I’m all A’s. Big difference it makes to just KNOW and get help. I never actually did get help or accommodations, btw. BUT, I’ve done my own research on how to help myself. So, yeah. There’s my 2 cents.
Another seemingly harmless but negative idea many parents accidentally instill in their children is the idea that crying is something shameful or that it displays weakness. "Stop crying" or "don't cry" we often hear parents say. And while they may just want their little ones to keep it down in public, parents who use these phrases can quickly teach their children to bottle up their emotions, and once that's been taught, it can be very challenging to undo. We should be teaching our kids that emotions are nothing to be scared of or ashamed of, as Christina M. Ward notes in her article 'We Need To Stop Teaching Our Kids Not To Cry!', and that displaying sadness does not mean that you're out of control. It just means you're human, and you know how to feel.
That you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Because it's not true. There are external forces that can hinder us from reaching our goals. There's privilege, and lack thereof. It doesn't take just pure mindset to reach a goal.
That a child can’t have boundaries because they are a kid.
That they’re dumb and don’t know anything. Kids are incredibly bright and will call you out on your s**t.
My Mom called me stupid all the time and my Dad said more than once that I didn't know what I was talking about. Then when it came to my grades in school, or picking out some of the easier classes for credits, I was told to do better and pick the harder classes because "you're smarter than that." It made my head spin and I'm still torn between thinking I'm stupid, and smart at the same time.
Letting kids cry allows them a healthy emotional release, and it opens them up to being more empathetic towards others. If a child is told that they should not be crying because it shows weakness, they will likely look down upon their friends and future partners when they cry as well. But if they understand that sometimes, you just need to let out a good cry, they will be more understanding when others are feeling emotional as well. All kids, but especially boys, should be told from an early age that displaying emotions is healthy and normal, and having to bottle them up is a recipe for disaster.
1) Parents thinking mental health issues don't exist
2) Parents are always right
3) If you question something that has been going on since long, you're wrong
4) Religion.
That one shiny fish book in elementary “the rainbow fish”. Where the main character had all these beautiful scales, then the other fish got jealous of/resenting him. So he gave all his scales to everyone. It was suppose to teach kids about sharing?
From a disturbing metaphor involving—let me say it one more time—self-dismemberment to a message that basically says, “Don't be special. If you are special, people will hate you for it and the only way to be happy is to shed yourself of that special trait,”
That book always sort of bothered me for a reason I couldn't quite put my finger on... I got the whole "sharing is good" thing and the whole "don't be a self-centered show-off" thing, but it just kind of bothered me. Why couldn't the shiny fish just be happy with the fact he was shiny? Why couldn't the other fish like him until he gave away his scales? Existential crisis of an eight-year-old.
"You NEED to have children!"
38 F here. So sick of people telling me I should have kids. I've known since I was 5 years old "I'm not getting married and I'm not having babies" if my parents can accept this why can't the rest if the world?
I hope you were not taught many of the ideas on this list when you were a child, but if you were, know that you're not alone. We can't change the past, but we can choose what lessons and ideas we decide to pass on to younger generations. Hopefully, over time, we can phase out these harmful ideas and ensure that kids are taught more valuable and positive lessons instead. Keep upvoting the responses you'd like all of your fellow pandas to read, and then feel free to continue the conversation down below in the comments. And if you're interested in reading another Bored Panda article on the same topic, check out this story next.
As I was leaving elementary school, they decided to implement some sort of “reading level”. You were not allowed to read a book that was higher than your “level”.
Now, for context, I am avid reader. I got an eighth grade level of reading. I was reading Sybil by sixth grade. However, I do not do well in subjects such as math because it doesn’t make sense to me.
So, we got tested and I got my score, a nice, high score. Something my parents would be proud of me for.
In the schools library, I go to grab a book I thought was interesting. A Secret Garden I think it was called? It was a high level, so of course, nine/ten year old me thought I was allowed to read it!
My goddamn fifth grade teacher yanked it from me, and I wasn’t allowed to read it because I wouldn’t understand it and gave me a picture book. I tried to protest and say I got a good level, but he said no, I didn’t and I was lying.
To this day, I hold massive resentment towards him and the system that says, “You can’t do this because you got a poor grade on it.” Think of how easily that could turn people away from doing things?! How many more kids could we get into reading if we didn’t say, “No, you can’t because you won’t understand.”
Then, if they won’t understand, help them. Teach them. Isn’t that why we’re here? To teach kids?
Anyways, I looked up a book I received for Christmas because I wanted to learn how to write reviews for autobiographies.
I’m disgusted to say that stupid level system is still around. The system is awful, we need to change it and start encouraging and, you know, being adults to our kids instead of letting things be as they are.
That is not how reading levels are supposed to work! They are supposed to be so the book you read is sufficiently challenging that you are learning new words (first couple of years of school). This isn't supposed to effect what books you borrow from the library because you are more likely to be able to preserve with a challenging book if the story interests you, but also you are free to read things that are a little easier if you just want to build confidence or again, are interested in the story. Plus the fact that parents are just as likely to be reading the story to you.
Telling kids they have to be nice to everyone. If people are mean to them they won’t fight back with that mindset. They need to know it’s okay to set boundaries without it being an issue. Respect and boundaries are so important for kids.
Zero tolerance policies in general are absolutely backwards.
I've lost count of how many times I've said to kids "it's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to react to that anger in a way that hurts others". You don't have to like everyone but you don't get to use their behaviour as a reason to hurt them back. I would much rather have them come and tell me there is a problem than have to break up a fight because "they started it!"
That all males are perverts and there are no female perverts
This. Just because a dad takes his kid to the playground doesn't mean he's a pedophile! And there are sure PLENTY of female pedos and perverts
That they need to have everything lined up by age 16-18 and if they don't, it'll have serious consequences.
Bad grade? No one will ask about it in a couple years. No friends/social life? Get some new ones in college. Don't know what to do with your life yet? Join the club, honey, we got jackets, most of us grownups aren't sure either. The amount of high school kids I've seen beating themselves up, even having full breakdowns over all these things is honestly worrying. 18 is not a deadline. Your life isn't set in its tracks forever by 20. Who on earth is teaching them these things?!
That different is bad. That if I don’t understand it, there must be a conspiracy. If I don’t win, the opponent cheated.
That children can't be sad. Children can be sad and as someone who had struggled with mental illness ever since I was 8, I can confirm. Children are humans just like us, they have emotions. You can be depressed even if your age isn't in the double digits.
I would also like to add another one; the "It will get better" and "Just put on a happy face" mentality. Unfortunately, life is a b***h. It will not get better. **You** get better. Depression doesn't fade away just because you are smiling. I wish it was that easy, but it isn't.
Stop trying to reassure and make excuses for your child's mental health. Actually, get your a*s up and help them.
I was always told I was "miserable" and that I lived up (or down) to the "Wednesday's Child is full of Woe" trope. And I was constantly criticized for being "miserable". So many times, I wish I'd never been born. But then. I look at my dog and one of my cats, both of whom are snuggling with me right now, and I feel grateful for their unconditional love.
That everything they're good at/enjoy as a hobby needs to be monetized.
I played competitive piano and all the time was told "you'll be a great teacher, work from home, etc."
I liked making jewelry and was told "you should make lots of those then sell them at the local market/online/etc.
I liked writing poetry and short stories and was told "you should be a English tutor/newspaper columnist/sell your short stories /publish a poetry book".
I have pretty much stopped doing all of those things, and if I do something creative nowadays, I keep it to myself because otherwise, me just enjoying something to enjoy it is judged as a waste of time if I'm not making money from it.
I make wreaths and floral arrangements. Hubby and siblings keep ‘encouraging’ me to make it a business. If I did my hobby as a business it wouldn’t be a hobby anymore. Also I never let anyone know I can sew. If they find out they always ask if I can hem pants or other tailoring. Tailoring and sewing are 2 different skills. Just pay the $ to get the pants hemmed and keep me as your friend!
That your right to privacy no longer exists. Lack of privacy is being normalized on all levels of society.
Parents posting every little picture of their child up til adulthood is so f****d up imo. They can't consent to that and then their whole life history has been willingly given up by their own parents.
Government and big businesses should not be allowed to know every tiny detail about us. Listening/recording us will hurt all of us.
I read somewhere that we're past the point of return on this. Unless we hide in burrows in the middle of the woods, we're not getting our privacy back. EVER. Instead, apparently, we should claim our share of profits generated from our personal information. Like in "you get xxx$ for this volume of data we gather on you and resell". First time I read this my head exploded, but I'm starting to think that maybe beyond the obvious controversy, it's one way to regulate this crazy market. I wonder what you think about that, fellow bored pandas. EDIT: In no way I am justifying posting children's private stuff in social media. That's a completely different topic.
Staying quiet means good behavior
Context matters. We have do distinguish a) keeping the child quiet just for the sake of having a peaceful hour at home from b) teaching the kids that when someone else is speaking we should let him finish. I've met so many self-centred adults in my life, bragging about themselves and constantly talking over others, that to me the "staying quiet" definition has many different layers.
It isn’t ok to fail or make mistakes. People aren’t perfect and you will make mistakes. Just don’t set yourself up to make ones that can hurt or kill others (drink or drug to the point where you don’t know not to drive or assault someone).
Yes and yes! Children grow with anxiety for failure because they're teached that successful people never make mistakes when they do a lot but try to fix them or learn from it. This will do damage in the future as they will fear challenge to avoid failure even if with minimal consequences and they'll never feel realized as that standard is unfeasible
“Minor attracted persons”. Pedophiles. They’re pedophiles.
I don't understand what context this is related to. I thought this thread was about things parents say wrongly to their kids
That the reason to behave and do the right thing is to avoid eternal punishment from mommy and daddy's imaginary friend in the sky.
That they can do anything and not face consequences.
And I don't mean that in a "you wanna be an astronaut? That's awesome!" kind of way, I mean that in "anyone who tells you no is bullying you"
I've got a 16 year old at my second job who tried to get me fired because I expected her to do her job when she was hungover. Sorry, but you chose to drink the night before a shift. Live with the consequences.
At my main job in a school, I've got a 12/13 year old who thinks he can ignore the staff and get away with it. On Thursday, because I escalated the situation to his head of year, he said that I was a weirdo and noone even likes me anyways. (I really started looking inwards at that and re evaluating my entire personality, especially with how creative the insult was /s) I asked him to change his shoes and when he didn't I told him he couldn't play football. Then he got another kid to give him their trainers.
Today, I've overheard a mother say "surely it's illegal to make a kid carry their school bag, a Chromebook (that the school has lent the child for free) and their PE kit but not give them a locker" ... I'm sorry what??
It really feels like we are teaching our kids to be victims who believe they are all special little heroes and it's never their fault if something goes wrong.
With regards to the backpack, I have a feeling it's far more than a chrome book and a PE kit. My kid has backpack that weigh around 20lbs. Books (I don't know why they need to carry books if they have a chrome book), notebooks, papers. My kids back hurts. And honestly those school backpacks aren't designed for support.
Buy buy buy work work work buy buy buy work work buy die
After a certain point in life, you no longer need things. At at certain age, you start purging your life of all that burdensome bovine manure.
Lack of conformity and daring to express yourself can result in lost education.
Kids being suspended from school because they dared to express their individuality. Whether its clothing, dyed hair or whatever. None of it really matters compared to sending kids away from their education.
That you should always go ‘above and beyond’ or whatever. Your workplace wont care and give you more work.
The “be yourself” trope. It’s fine for things like hobbies or interests, but some people are just inherently toxic whether it’s genetic or a learned behavior. And then people justify their bad behavior by saying they’re just being themselves and if other people don’t like it that’s their own problem. There’s no incentive to curb harmful behavior and kids are being taught that it’s okay to act out because it’s just who they are.
Retired teacher here. (46 years). The behavior of bullies is overlooked so that we can "understand them, " while the victims of bullying commit suicide or drop out.
Misogyny. Toxic gender roles. Whatever else Andrew Tate is shoveling down the throats of his young and impressionable audience. I've seen kids as young as middle school age repeating some of the insane s**t he says, to their own mothers.
I have one.
This is very common in my country. You know kids run a lot, and they fall a lot. Most of the time (luckily!) they do not get hurt seriously. Sometimes, they simply are just fine. But they cry regardless. I was one of those kids.
Whenever that happen, parents would rush to their kids, and they slap on the ground (or whatever object near by) saying “Punish the ground for hurting my baby!”. Now, that may sound sweet if you are that kid, but gradually it could teach the kid something so dangerous: When you fall, it is something else (or someone else)’s fault. Kids will grow up blaming everything around them for their failures, before questioning themselves.
I remembered clearly this time when I just fell off the ground while playing, cried my lung out, and my whole family was in a mess. Especially my dad. He was so worried, checking my (totally pain-free) body for any wound, and kept asking “What made you fall? Was it a rock? Or was it your friend? Did she push you?”
Dad - I wanted to say - I really just fell off myself.
That everyone is a winner.
It's ok to be average. I was always an overachiever. I paid for being a winner, and now I pay for that with my health. Also, I missed out on a lot of good experiences because I was busy being the best.
That your worth is in anyway linked to the number or ranking from an assessment. For most people how you do in standardised tests is not as important an indicator for the rest of your life as we bring the children up to believe it is.
My kids are both in primary school. For me I hate that this focus on assessment results at this early stage is more important than their learning journey.
I am not sure if that makes sense but a 7 year old should be learning and discovering and not worried about the assessment tools used by the school''s reporting and administration processes.
I'm a teacher (early childhood and primary) and have always been against standardised tests and homework for primary students. It does nothing to help them. Kids learn best through inquiry processes and play. Even more stupid, the standardised national test students do in Australia (in year 3, 5, 7 and 9) are supposed to be just to 'see how the schools are going so ones more in need can get more funding'. What it actually means is principals tell teachers they need to get as high a ranking as possible and teachers have to 'teach for the test'. This means you aren't assessing what students know from their regular learning, but what they can recite from extra lessons. Stupid system.
Saying "parents aren't perfect" as a justification for toxic or abusive parenting.
Counterpoint, as a mom to a 5 year old, we think it's important to let our kid know that, no, we're not perfect, because nobody is. They learn to identify and communicate their own struggles when we can show them ourselves owning our mistakes. Too many people take the opposite road of "I'm the parent, therefore I am perfect, no questions allowed." But trying to excuse toxic behaviors by saying "hey, that's just how I am" also sucks.
That your worth is tied to obedience and functioning. Your punished for many things, often with scorn and anger, even when you’re still very young. It can be very impactful on your life and as a das it often breaks my heart hearing what people tell their children when they are emotional. Examples being „Stop crying, it’s nothing“ for the most basic and „if you don’t stop crying, there will be consequences X“ to amp it up a little.
The one I dislike the most is when an adult says “bad girl” or “bad boy” for something they’ve done! What they SHOULD be saying is that the action done by the child was bad.
Note: this post originally had 63 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
I would like to add another one here. Always expecting them to have good grades, and berating them when they don't. I currently have an A- in Chemistry, and my dad told me when he saw it, "Oh, you're just barely scraping by". I've had more breakdowns in the last week then I've had in my life because of the stupid homework that I don't understand.
I used to get so scared on report card day that I would shake because of this. If I brought home straight A's I'd get a 'that's nice'. But once I had 3 C's. Nothing worse, everything else was an A or B. My dad told me, and this is his exact words, "Get out of my sight. I don't even want to look at you. You make me sick."
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I got a tad confused midway through these, I think maybe it's two different listings combined 😳
The number one thing that should be on the top of the list should be racism
"No means no and don't ask me again."** I get that my parents didn't want me to keep asking for a damned cookie or the bike they couldn't afford... But as an adult this mentality has been super detrimental in the pursuit of my dreams and career growth. It took me 20 years to realize "no" doesn't mean no, it means you're not asking the right person, you're not in the right job, the timing is off. Don't ask once and then drop it; keep asking; keep trying; keep searching. (**Unless we're talking about sexual consent and then obviously "No does mean no.")
I posted a comment above in a similar vein, I am not comfortable with touch and never have been, my brother would always force his daughter to hug me even though it was clear both she and I were uncomfortable to it, all I got from him was 'whats wrong with you??!' I just believe in allowing people, especially kids make their own decisions of that nature, if she doesn't want to hug me she should not be forced into it, and likewise; setting a bad example telling her she has no bodily autonomy. I told her a few weeks ago now she is 13 when we met in the city that I am not comfortable with touch and I am not a hugger, I don't know if she will think it is just her, but I am not comfortable at all with any kind of physical contact.... (she has been through things so I am especially aware how damaging to a kids psyche this can be)
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A big deal for me is my brother not teaching my niece body autonomy, basically forcing her to hug me when she was very young, I am not a hugger and now she is 13 I told her this, not in a nasty way, but by simply saying I am not comfortable with touch, maybe she will think instantly it is her, but I believe people should have the choice to hug....and be allowed to make the decision themselves.....
While I agree that bp is a child free space (to the extreme sometimes...). I don't think this is quite in line with that. Some of these are actually important to reflect on.
Load More Replies... Many of our elders are morons though, Joe. Why should we respect them, exactly? Donald Trump is much older than me but I don't respect his creepy paedophilic a*s.
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I would like to add another one here. Always expecting them to have good grades, and berating them when they don't. I currently have an A- in Chemistry, and my dad told me when he saw it, "Oh, you're just barely scraping by". I've had more breakdowns in the last week then I've had in my life because of the stupid homework that I don't understand.
I used to get so scared on report card day that I would shake because of this. If I brought home straight A's I'd get a 'that's nice'. But once I had 3 C's. Nothing worse, everything else was an A or B. My dad told me, and this is his exact words, "Get out of my sight. I don't even want to look at you. You make me sick."
Load More Replies... I got a tad confused midway through these, I think maybe it's two different listings combined 😳
The number one thing that should be on the top of the list should be racism
"No means no and don't ask me again."** I get that my parents didn't want me to keep asking for a damned cookie or the bike they couldn't afford... But as an adult this mentality has been super detrimental in the pursuit of my dreams and career growth. It took me 20 years to realize "no" doesn't mean no, it means you're not asking the right person, you're not in the right job, the timing is off. Don't ask once and then drop it; keep asking; keep trying; keep searching. (**Unless we're talking about sexual consent and then obviously "No does mean no.")
I posted a comment above in a similar vein, I am not comfortable with touch and never have been, my brother would always force his daughter to hug me even though it was clear both she and I were uncomfortable to it, all I got from him was 'whats wrong with you??!' I just believe in allowing people, especially kids make their own decisions of that nature, if she doesn't want to hug me she should not be forced into it, and likewise; setting a bad example telling her she has no bodily autonomy. I told her a few weeks ago now she is 13 when we met in the city that I am not comfortable with touch and I am not a hugger, I don't know if she will think it is just her, but I am not comfortable at all with any kind of physical contact.... (she has been through things so I am especially aware how damaging to a kids psyche this can be)
Load More Replies... A big deal for me is my brother not teaching my niece body autonomy, basically forcing her to hug me when she was very young, I am not a hugger and now she is 13 I told her this, not in a nasty way, but by simply saying I am not comfortable with touch, maybe she will think instantly it is her, but I believe people should have the choice to hug....and be allowed to make the decision themselves.....
While I agree that bp is a child free space (to the extreme sometimes...). I don't think this is quite in line with that. Some of these are actually important to reflect on.
Load More Replies... Many of our elders are morons though, Joe. Why should we respect them, exactly? Donald Trump is much older than me but I don't respect his creepy paedophilic a*s.
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