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One would like to think that the tool used for humans to communicate should be a rather simple one, along the lines of Newspeak, where everything is simplified, and there’s no place for cumbersome nuance. However, neither people nor the languages we use are without their intricacies, so in all actuality, the tool for communication is nothing but incomplex. Starting with basics like your and you’re and ending with hidden meanings disguised in similar-sounding pronunciations, a language never ceases to amaze and baffle. But, as with all life’s entanglements, it is best to just have a laugh if something is beyond and above you. Or, on the other hand, you feel like you’re the only one who understands what’s truly happening; in that case, you can giggle devilishly to yourself at other people’s incompetencies. It is not very nice, though, but we are all guilty of that, am I right?
Anyhoo, we are here to talk about grammar jokes and puns, so why not adhere to the topic at hand instead of exploring the depths of the human condition? So, although you’ve been learning and using languages your whole life, there’s always something to be stumped by, and there’s always something to have a laugh at. Just check out these glorious language jokes! Some of them are pretty basic, while others require a certain deeper degree of understanding of the mechanics of a language. No matter the case, though, all of these grammar puns are beyond hilarious and, at times, even enlightening! So many wordplays, so little time! And time is precious, so why don’t we skip this gabble and just go straight to the smart jokes, shall we? They are exactly where they are supposed to be - a smidgen down below. Once you are there, vote for the best language jokes and share this smart article with your friends!
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#1
A linguistics professor was lecturing in his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right!"
the aftermath is secondary™ 3 years ago
I wouldn't say that it does-- this is technically based upon the tone, if it were said in a literal, non-sarcastic way, it would be a positive. Anything can be made a negative if said sarcastically. Language makes no sense
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François Carré 3 years ago
In French, "ouais, c'est ça !" would sound equally sarcastic and negative as this "yeah, right!"
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#2
My wife: "You need to do more chores around the house." Me: "Can we change the subject?" My wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."
Katherine Heasley 3 years ago
Passive-aggressive voice: "It's okay, I like doing all the chores by myself."
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#3
Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes? They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.
Kesam 3 years ago
Genuine question: How do commas lead to contractions? I thought contractions involve only apostrophes?
#4
Grammar is the difference between: knowing your s**t and knowing you're s**t.
François Carré 3 years ago
People who confuse "your" and "you're" should be very careful with this.
#5
“Let’s eat Grandma!” “Let’s eat, Grandma!” Punctuation saves lives.
GetKrilled 3 years ago (edited)
« Zombies eat people. » / « Zombies, eat people. » Use a comma. Command the undead.
David Martin 3 years ago
Grammar is highly important...observe how a simple colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. 1) The children ate their grandmother's freshly baked apple pie. 2) The children are their grandmother's freshly baked colon
𝙰𝚠𝚎𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝙶𝚒𝚛𝚕 𝟸𝟺/𝟽 3 years ago
Grammar is very important!!!! It saves your grandma’s life!!!!!!!!!!
#6
What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of the paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
#7
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.
Thomas Sweda 3 years ago
What do you call an escaped dwarf fortune teller? A small medium at large.
#8
Double negatives are a big no-no.
Russ Kincade 3 years ago
Teacher: Class, there are two words I never want to see in your papers. One is knarly and the other is bogus". Student, "Ok, what are they?"
#9
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
What even is this 3 years ago
How do you make the number seven an even number without using any equations? You take away the s.
Danny Phantom 3 years ago
Not “an even number”. It’s just “how do you make seven even”, or something thing to that affect.
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James Geckle 3 years ago (edited)
What word becomes less when you add "er" to it, isn't "less:" few plus "er" equals fewer
#10
Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”? She was having contractions.
Ozymandias73 3 years ago
Heard someone in the bathroom yelling " AAAAAAAAA, EEEEEEE, IIIIIIIII, OOOOOOOOO, UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!" They were having a vowel movement.
oddly_informed_raven 3 years ago
It's scary that the English language has the power of Y'all'd've the great triple contraction
Seán Baron 3 years ago
Victoria Wood in 'Mens Sana Thingummy Doodah': what's for lunch? Crudités. Bum! W***y Toilet! I'm so hungry I'm having mine now!
#11
How do you comfort a grammar snob? “There, their, they’re.”
Sherbaan Naab 3 years ago
Considering only one of the three is correct, that would actually annoy them. Yes, I'm one of them.
Thomas Sweda 3 years ago
Someone once said about sprawling Los Angeles, “Once you get there, there’s no there there”.
Ashley Bonner 3 years ago
"Aintcha, gonna, wanna, doncha have to go to the bathroom...that sorta thing"
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I object. Those of us who prefer to speak correctly are not snobs. The idea that intelligence is something to be sneered at and mocked is disturbing. Do you want your doctor to be an idiot? How about your accountant?
BAWK BAWK BAKAW 3 years ago
Absolutely not. education and the ability to speak "correctly" is a privelege, and there really isn't any one right way to get ideas across. the idea of grammar usage, intelligence, and education deciding someone's worth is an antiquated idea and needs to go away.
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When I was a kid, my teacher looked at me and said, "Name two pronouns!" I replied, "Who, me?"
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
"Myeah, there are only two pronouns, waaaahhh". You and I disagree lol
#13
What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it? A teapot.
#14
Is there a word that uses all the vowels including y? Unquestionably.
#15
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
#16
Proper capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
#17
Hyphenated and Non-Hyphenated. Ah, the ironies of English!
#18
English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Miles Mawyer 3 years ago
I have a book of Dr. Suess' early writings. It's called: The Tough Coughs as he Ploughs the Dough
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 3 years ago
It can be taught through tough thorough thought, though - there, better!
#19
Why is nostalgia like grammar? We find the present tense and the past perfect.
Russ Kincade 3 years ago
"The past is history, the future a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why the call it the present". Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda.
What even is this 3 years ago
Smart quote from kid movie. I've always wanted to use it.
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#21
I before e, except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.
Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago
Teaching my 7yo spelling tricks like this "I before e except after c" and he calls me on THEIR.
Mary Mosher 3 years ago
Don't forget "or sounding as 'a' as in neighbour or weigh" lol - their fits that category!
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memyselfandI 3 years ago
Except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from their feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.
Res Earch 3 years ago
I tried explaining this rule of English to a 40 year old Indian man I worked with one day. I gave him a list of IE words and a list of CEI words. One of the IE words I chose was "achieve" and he said "But the I and the E are after a C though" I laughed so hard. English is weird.
Martha B. Higgins 3 years ago
The entire rhyme is: I before E except after C, or when sounded like A as in neighbor and weigh. And then there are fewer exceptions such as feisty, heist, and weird.
#22
My brother gave his teacher a thank you note that said, "Your a good teacher." I'm not so sure!
#23
What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
#24
What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses.
#25
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was tense.
#26
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
#27
When’s a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
memyselfandI 3 years ago
Did you know Pandora’s box wasn’t actually a box? In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar. (It actually was a jar though, not a box)
#28
There is a special tax suitable for people who destroy the English language. It is called Syntax.
#29
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
MarmotArchivist 3 years ago
Right, he would even be the king of synonyms.
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Katie Nelson 3 years ago
"MARK WHAT'S THAT FLAMING BALL IN THE SKY" "Thanks for asking. You can call it an asteroid, rock, or some may use met-CRASHHHH"
#30
John was excited because his local newspaper was hosting a pun contest. He stayed up all night carefully creating ten puns. He submitted them the next morning. When the results came back, John checked to see if he won but, alas, no pun in ten did.
Robert Trebor 3 years ago
Of course there was the man who, at the dentist's, refused Novacaine, saying, "I will transcend dental medication."
#31
I visited a prison library. It had its prose and cons.
#32
You can't run through a campsite. You can only ran, since it's past tents.
#33
When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet? Nobody knew why.
#34
One cactus said, "You need to be less selfish. Don't forget it is Cact-US". The other cactus replied, "But sweetie, the plural is a Cact-I."
#35
11 consonants, eight vowels, a comma, and an exclamation mark will appear in court to be sentenced next week.
#36
So many people are bothered about correct grammar... But I couldn't care fewer.
Yep it's Ella 🇺🇦 3 years ago
My english teacher mum would mur.der that sentence in the middle of the knight with something violent.
#37
There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities.
#38
What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty? Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements.
#39
How do you spell mousetrap? C-A-T.
#41
Why shouldn’t you date apostrophes? They’re too possessive.
#44
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "To." "To who?" "To whom!"
Christine Pikstein 3 years ago
Subject pronouns do the action: I, you, she, he, they, we, who. Object pronouns have action done to them: me, you, her, him, them, us, whom.
#46
What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water? The C.
Phil Boswell 3 years ago
What's a pirate's favourite letter? You'd think it would be "R" but a true pirate will always love the "C" ;-)
Toasted Applesauce 1 year ago
The first time I heard this joke, my French-speaking brain thought it was "o" (The French word for water is eau, pronounced o)
#47
Last night my classroom was broken into and all of the dictionaries were stolen. I’m lost for words.
#48
It is important to follow the laws of grammar. Rules is rules.
#49
I was a surgeon with bad punctuation. I got fired for leaving out a colon.
#52
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.
#53
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
#55
It’s funny how full stops are known as periods in the US. Ask any girl, it’s never a full stop.
#56
One punctuation mark saw the other at a restaurant and asked, "Do you comma here often?"
#60
An ancient Egyptian student is chiseling his essay into a stone. His teacher comes over and says, "No, you should never end a sentence with an ox."
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