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Bringing a child into this world is one of the biggest decisions we can make. However, due to things like societal pressure and media romanticization, some people do it without fully understanding the effect it will have on their life.
So in an attempt to figure out what gets overlooked, Reddit user Baby_noodles4u made a post on the platform, inviting women who regret giving birth to share what causes them to feel this way.
Immediately, moms started sharing their personal stories, talking about everything from body changes to abusive relationships and money problems. Their genuine replies made this thread a must-read for everyone planning a family.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Being made into a walking incubator who must adhere to strict guidelines of how and what to eat and drink, must not have this, or that. How dare I loose weight! Every thing I did second guessed, but when I went for help because of leg swelling, dismissed like it was no big deal (I was in pre-E at the time and the doc refused to see it). Having to have my pelvis reconstructed after walking around for years with my organs barely inside of me and told that there was nothing they would do until I was nearly 40 because "I might have more kids" and the fix they did do in my 20's didn't fix sh*t. Pain in sex. Being jabbed with chemicals just as the child is birthing because it's "standard of care." Being told that I didn't know anything about pregnancy and childbirth and that I wasn't in labour (and yet, had the kid less than 3 hrs later). Being treated as a third class citizen because "we want a healthy baby" but not a healthy mother AND child. Knowing that my worth to not only my family of origin, but to his family, was the crotch drops I made, and that I had no value or worth. Learning that I was expendable. That I didn't have kids, I was not a real woman anyway. That as a teen mother, it was assumed I dropped out of high school. That, also as a teen mother, having a stillbirth meant no sympathy other than "at least you're not a teen mother!" Knowing full well that child services will be used like a hammer against you if you don't parent the way others see fit.
Gez... society as a whole really firetrucks with a woman of childbearing age.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Omg. You're the first one, other than myself, who has acknowledged CFS, the arrogance and ignorance, and the age discrimination that goes on. I'm sorry for your loss. I believe you would have been a great, caring mother, and still will be if you ever have another. But it's totally understandable if you would never want to go through with it. Even though mine survived, my experience with dealing with the doctors, nurses, ob-gyns and social workers, was very similar to yours. It didn't let up after she was born, and I still endured the discrimination, judgement and snide remarks to this day. Even though my daughter is a shining light in my life, I don't ever want another baby just from the treatment I had to endure.
Denise Lewis 3 years ago
i agree i had my first when i was 16 and my last when i was 21 and they didn't leave me alone until i moved 300 miles away and no i didn't tell them where or when i was moving it really was the only way to get away from there judgement
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Ozacoter 3 years ago
I am so sorry. It is inhumane how medicine ignores women routinely and sees them only as incubators. One of my best friends lost her fetus because she was having issues and went twice to the doctor and they didnt even eco her, they sent her home. The third time she went to the ER and by then her fetus was dead and she needed an emergency surgery for the abortion.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
Welcome to depression, isolation and PTSD. I am sorry for her loss. I have been there.
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KariLovesHerKat 3 years ago
My son had died inside of me and i was induced. No one prepares you for giving birth to a dead baby, the long long labour or the deafening silence when he was born.
Jessica Bertram 3 years ago
oh, honey. i am truly truly sorry you lost your son, and had to experience that trauma. sending you light in the world, and love.
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Wistiti 3 years ago
I feel the age discrimination. I had my first child at 29 but because I look young (and quite short), I got lots of heat because I am apparently "too young to have a child". They don't look any deeper (they don't care), they just want and take the opportunity to judge.
Kim W 3 years ago
OMG I totally understand same here I was 30 at (short also) the time didn't and still don't look my age. I went to the ER around 7months one of the techs had the nerve to make a remark and say shouldn't you be in school instead of pregnant. My husband was outside the room at the time and it was a good thing he didn't heard otherwise he would of flipped out...4yrs later I still get the looks when I'm out with my little one by myself.
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Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I'm torn, b/c unfortunately I have met teens who had children to "get out of" (fill in blank). That said? Social services need to help *moms*, too, dammit. So many tragedies are avoidable if someone treats the *family* unit ----- and that includes the mother, dammit. Rant over. FYI, I'm not only worth what my uterus does.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
There are adult women who are unfit parents or need close monitoring, too. But when there is a teen who just happened to have gotten pregnant but is in an otherwise stable, safe, clean home, there is no need for the teen mom to have to be investigated, threatened and spoken to like a criminal. That's what they did to me for no real good reason .Just my age. It's agism.
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Natalie Kudryashova 3 years ago
This isn’t about regretting giving birth, but about being treated horribly by the medical and social system around it.
Denise Lewis 3 years ago
i agree CS will be up your ass if you are a young unmarried mother it just takes one a*****e to make up something on you and they never leave you alone it is stress a young mother does not need your every move is being watched and judge by someone who doesn't know you or your child
To learn more about the challenges women face after giving birth, we contacted writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the award-winning parenting blog Honest Mum, Vicki Broadbent.
"Often it's a hormonal pull: a broodiness that overrides logic in some cases," author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (the US and Canada), told Bored Panda. "The desire to procreate feels natural for many. We look at screaming babies and kid ourselves (pun intended) that our own future children won't behave like that. The future of the human race depends on this foolishness. I've always personally felt maternal, even as a child, enjoying caring and teaching others, and I desperately wanted to become a mother. It was a life goal for me and I feel lucky to have achieved it."
However, it was only after Broadbent had her own children that she fully understood "how short the short straw is for mothers in the workplace and society as a whole; how high childcare costs are and how deeply careers can be impacted by having babies."
RELATED:
#2
I wasn’t prepared to almost die, lose my uterus, or raise a disabled child. I love my son so much, but damn… I never would have chosen this life for him. For any of us. I feel naive and stupid for ever thinking I was ready for this. For convincing my husband we were ready for this.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
No one could ever predict the worst outcomes. Please don't be hard on yourself. That would have been such a terrifying experience.
RP 3 years ago
Not all worst outcomes anyway, but many disabilities can be detected early on. Whether or not women have access to these tests and the choice to terminate depending on the results is deterimined by politics. I have no idea what the case was here, but I am forever grateful to know that I had as much information and choice as was scientifically possible. The fact that so many women do not makes me very angry.
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jolie laide 3 years ago
I remember my Mom telling me, it took her 12 years to have me (no IVF, etc.) and that she always thought, "God isn't going to mess with my kid, my kid will be fine." Thankfully, I was. My Mom was.. amazing in a lot of ways. I knew when I was just a little kid that I didn't want children when I grew up. The backlash is... kinda of amazing, and crazy. I'm in my 40's now and SO thankful I have no kids. I love children, don't get me wrong... I just don't want my own. So many people just don't care what they're passing on, they just want what they want, and to hell with everything, including their kids. I don't understand that. One of my old coworkers had 2 kids. The 1st, was a horrible Type 1 Diabetic, from his father. The 2nd was a horrible asthmatic from his father. Her latest boyfriend had MS, and she wanted another child, with him. Don't get me wrong, everyone can live and lead a good life... but as a potential parent, knowing your own struggle, pains and hardships...
jolie laide 3 years ago
..WHY would you have kids? Another one of my coworkers, has Huntingtons disease (aka, Huntingtons-Chorea), which is... horrible. But she's adament that she wants kids. WHY would you do this to your kids, or your grandkids, etc? I don't understand. If you're living with something that's horrible, that's impacting your life... adopt. Foster, etc. I inherited too much from both of my parents, and neither one was really fully equipped to help me, and it's horrible (mental). People spend more time picking out a car or a house, than they do the person they'll breed with. Or they want what they want, so they have kids anyway. Again, I love kids, I HATE suffering. I don't know why people do it. You KNOW, you KNOW how much it'll hurt, medicines, surgeries needed, limitations, etc. Why? All on the whim that "oh maybe not, maybe it'll be fine!" Really? I just don't get it. I'm sure I'll get down voted into oblivion but honestly, without modern medicine so many of us would be dead. I wish more
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Broadbent, who had her third child a few months ago, was unaware that mothers were not highly respected and how hard it can be to parent day and night.
"Work culture and policy needs to change to support parents more. The cost of house prices and living costs are directly affecting birth rates," she said.
It might seem odd but in 2018, the real estate company Zillow publish a report, saying birth rates were dropping most in US counties with the fastest-appreciating home values.
"Additionally, children were historically brought up in a village community, close to family and friends who could support the new mother and baby. That village concept has disintegrated. Mothers were never meant to raise a child alone or with little support," Broadbent added. "Add a pandemic on top and parenting is certainly not for the faint-hearted."
#3
I regret it only for the world my son is inhereting. This society is a pile of dog poo.
I regret that he will have a hard time, and there is very little I can do to prevent that. I don't regret him, just what he will likely suffer.
Trillian 3 years ago
I can so relate to this. Woke up this morning to yet another pile of horrible news with my sleeping 6-yr-old next to me and I just wanted to apologize for having her. If I could go back I would not have kids.
Stephanie IV 3 years ago (edited)
SAME. The worry drives me nuts. BUT: let's trust that, as always, there will be people around that they will be able to rely on. That there will be pain and anguish, but also laughter and hope. That they, like many generations before them, will face their unjustly thrown at them problems and tasks with a strong mind and an equally strong will and that they'll be exactly the people we all need them to be.
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Not Proud British 3 years ago
So make every day special. Live in the present and focus on what you can do to make you both happy right here and now. Teach him about kindness and respect - you never know he might grow up to be one of those people who actually makes a difference in this world. Take him volunteering, show him the good side of people. Don't despair, even if the world does crumble around us, there will always be life, beauty, bravery, etc.
Limey Cheesehead 3 years ago
May I put a positive spin on this sentiment? Your child could be the one that makes the world a better place. I totally understand feeling like this, but remember the world isn't all bad. There is a lot of good, and your child could be the one to cure cancer, invent a renewable energy source, or even just make people smile. I know the world can seem hopeless, but don't give up hope.
Lilla Ontherun 3 years ago
I don't have a kid, sometimes I want and sometimes I think about if I have a right to decide her/him to live in a dying world in a toxic society? Wars gonna be over, but not climate change.
Danny de Meyer 3 years ago
I feel sorry for all children being born this day. They are our choice, not theirs.
Ruth Watry 3 years ago
The world that we live in is the number one reason that I am relieved that I never had kids
SelkieBlackfysh 3 years ago
This is honestly a sentiment I'm tired of seeing. Yes the world is rough. Yes people suck. Yes things are hard. Guess what? They weren't the best when your parents had you and their parents had them and so. Survival is part of life. Oh I'm not having kids because the state of the world. Waaaah. Who do you think pushes for improvement at any time? The younger generations. They're the ones who will fix what the previous, ignorant generation messed up. Sadly that's progress.
Research on the subject remains scarce but we have some data to give us a broader picture. In a 2013 survey conducted by Gallup, Americans above the age of 45 who had children were asked how many they would like to have had if they could do it once again. One of the possible answers was ‘0’, which turned out to be the answer selected by 7% of respondents.
But the situation might be very different depending on where we look. A 2021 study showed that in Poland, this frequency may be as much as 13% of parents between emerging and middle adulthood, that is, one in eight.
"The reality is you can't fully plan for parenthood," Vicki Broadbent said. "So whilst you can prepare yourself somewhat by reading books and blogs, speaking to experts, and watching video content, everyone's experience will be unique to them and down to their own circumstances, just as every child is unique too."
Vicki said you simply learn on the job. "The ambivalence starts on day 1 as birth plans usually go out of the window," she explained.
"The first child is the biggest shock of all as it disrupts your usual way of life and suddenly, you have the weighty responsibility of caring from someone other than yourself. Their needs now come first. Yes, motherhood can be a life-affirming, joyful love-fest where you see the world anew through your child's eyes but it can also be unrelenting, mentally and physically challenging, and exhausting, too. It's a marathon most days when babies are small but you soon find your way." Luckily for Vicki, motherhood is her greatest success of all.
#4
I'll preface this with I love my son with all my heart. I was never prepared for a child with disabilities. We were warned beforehand and we were so sure we'd manage just fine. The part that kills me the most is that my husband deals with it all just fine and I'm a mess. I feel like I was never meant to be a mom, at least to young kids. I have an 18 year old that lives with his father that I've always been able to relate to and have no problems being a part time mom to. Maybe I was just never meant to be a full time parent, which sounds like such bullsh*t to me. I don't know. I'm rambling. I'm lonely
Susie Elle 3 years ago
If men can feel that they're not meant to be fulltime parents, then so can women. Raising a child with disabilities is very hard.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Raising children can be very hard. Raising children with disabilities is very hard! I have a child with disabilities and never felt that I was a good parent. It is a lonely feeling. Others don't seem to understand. Hugs and love from a mother that gets it💗
Stephanie IV 3 years ago
It's alright to be a so-so mum with regrets and difficulties and resentments. You're still around, holding out, doing your bit. Well done. Get help, open up, you're not alone.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
I don't think I classify as "someone with disabilities" since my "disabilities" are mental health issues, but a lot of the time I feel like I'm being a burden to my mother by expecting her to help me with them XD. I feel guilty because I get so much attention from her, since I have so many other siblings who need her, too. But I grew up without her attention, so I suppose that it's okay sometimes? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that your child loves you, and is probably feeling guilty about their disabilities too.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
Children with disabilities DO feel guilty. Conversations with my "nephew" are heartbreaking. "My dad left because I was sick." I don't say it, but, no, his mother left because he was an abusive drunk. " Mom's husband left because I have so many issues." No, he left because he was selfish. So many long conversations about his guilt. Because he is mentally about 8, it is hard to explain to him. But I remind him how much he is loved.
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Id row 3 years ago
I wish people would put more thought into the decision to have kids. It's something you should extremely sure of because it's not fair to the kids if you aren't capable of being a parent. It is perfectly ok to decide not to have kids if you're not 100% sure.
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
Absolutely. Most people don't consider the cons of parenthood
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Inclusion2020 3 years ago
As a teacher to children with disabilities, I’ll be honest with you. I specifically teach kids with EBD because I’m just not a good fit for lower functioning kids. I need to be moving and thinking quickly. And I love teaching literacy and high order thinking. But I have friends who prefer working with lower functioning kids. Doesn’t mean those kids aren’t smart or that my friends arent highly educated and talented. Just means that my friends have something that I don’t. And those students are better off having my friends as their teachers. I’d love any and every student, but my friends are better fits for that population just like I’m a better fit for high functioning aggressive kids. I’m sure parents and families have similar personalities that show through in childcare?
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
6% - that's how many children with disabilities there are as a percentage in the UK. We don't all end up with a perfectly healthy baby. Some people cope well, others do not. My friend fell apart. She said that they did realise, before she was pregnant, that they weren't the types who could manage with a disabled child and that's where her thought process ended.
SelkieBlackfysh 3 years ago
Some people just don't like parts of growing. I don't like kitten or puppy phases for example. I prefer when they mature and learn some of the rules so it's not a fight for most things and I don't have to constantly patrol my house to make sure things aren't being chewed up or messed on. This probably means I won't like my child during the baby or toddler phase for much the same reason. I work well with older animals and older kids. From. Experience. So my partner, who loves the kitten and puppy phase will handle the baby phase much better than I will probably. So we can have a swap out system.
Lulu Lemons 3 years ago
I know you probably won't see this and it might sound impossible but if you don't give up hope, there is a very real chance that it'll get better. My disabilities were more severe as a child and I know I made my dad feel like this while my mum handled it fine, but now me and dad are very close.
Broadbent thinks women can lay the foundation for their parenting journey by prioritizing their wellbeing — both mental and physical — prior to conception and during pregnancy by taking vitamins, seeking medical advice where needed, being responsive to any changes that require attention, and eating well and exercising.
"Once baby arrives, it's critical to accept any help offered from those you trust and equally reach out for help too," the mom highlighted. "Practically, add pre-cooked meals in the freezer, test and buy items for baby in advance (getting the car seat fitted, testing the pram, etc). Finding just a few minutes of mindfulness using apps like Insight Timer can make a huge difference to your day, especially as you'll be sleep-deprived and hormonal."
"Deep breathing can help alleviate anxiety and will keep you calm when life feels overwhelming," she said. "Curate your social media feeds too and stick with those sharing the realities of motherhood: the good with the bad as I do (at instagram.com/honestmum) so you don't feel pressured to live up to some fake ideal of motherhood. Ditto when it comes to body image, unfollow anyone who might make you feel bad about yourself. My doctor recently told me that after birth, you need piecing back together. This resonated. With a 3-month-old, 9 and 12 year old, I often feel divided into thirds. Luckily my love and theirs have multiplied."
But whatever your situation is, the most important thing is that we’re talking and sharing our experiences.
#5
I love my daughter a lot, she's amazing creative funny and sweet. I wouldn't change her for anything.
But I regret having her with her father, I regret the choice to give her his last name and put him on the birth certificate, I regret that she had to witness me being abused by him and that she is forced to spend time with him due to my poor past choices. And also regret having her at 21 whilst not really young, it was still too young and I missed out on a lot that I'm having to do now like university, having a good relationship, spending time with friends etc. And my body and mind are messed up from having a csection, the anxiety and trauma from a traumatic birth and the postnatal depression.
Also I should of listened to my own mum on all of the above instead of saying "you don't know the love between me and childs dad, you just want to control me" I wish I could go back to the past and listen to every warning.
Poultry Geist 3 years ago
Sort of same situation with me except I was 18 when I had my daughter. I’m 43 now she’s 24 and the freaking coolest ever!! She does not want kids just dogs and I will never pressure her for more! Actually I’m trying to get her to take a cat but besides that she can do what she wants!
Summer Mason 3 years ago
You should defiantly convince her to take the cat.
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K Witmer 3 years ago
When I had my daughter no one ever talked about traumatic birth and the ptsd you can suffer from it. I thought I was legit crazy and suffered in silence in fear that if I spoke about how I felt someone would take my daughter from me. I felt like a was frozen w fear for the first three years of her life and was terrified to be away from her and terrified if I wasn't holding her during her first year of life. It was a lonely isolating anxiety filled horrible time. I can't imagine also having a partner that was equally as terrifying.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
I think men and many mothers have trouble understanding PTSD as related to child birth with women. Its portrayal in posts has a tone reminiscent of old interviews with WW1 trench fighters who were pinned down under heavy bombing for days when bombs would land one trench over and send an arm or head into their laps.
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Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
I was 23 when i got pregnant with my first. 24 with my second. Biologically that's the "best age to get pregnant" and my body did a great job bouncing back but mentally it wasn't ideal. I wasn't ready and I wish I had waited. In the middle of my degree and felt that I missed out in a lot of ways. Got my third child at 33 and wow it was amazing how much more joy I felt towards parenting a baby then. I know women who wants kids feel that stress that their body is "too old" after 30 but I would advice to wait a bit. Have fun in your 20's, get that degree, travel, learn to know yourself. 30's (or even 40's) can be much better years to be a parent. Maybe not physically but definitely mentally.
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#6
When i was pregnant we were told theres a v high chance the baby has down syndrome. I knew someone with ds, functioning adult, worked as a masseur and spoke 2 languages, people with downs are happy and delightful. My son is 19, has severe autism and severe learning disabilities, completely dependent in every way, cant do anything for himself and has to be watched 24/7. We love him wholeheartedly but our lives have always been about him and we have 0 family life. Hes only home because husband is strong enough to change his nappy and when hes 21 and finishes school he has to go in to residential which tears our hearts out because well miss him and he wont understand why hes been left in a strange place and cant be home. What will happen when were not there for him? As much as i adore him with every fibre of my being if Idve known I wouldnt have gone ahead with the pregnancy. Not because of us but for him.
Gaby Almodovar 3 years ago
Doctors doesn't advice to interrupt the pregnancy, when the baby is likely to be born with different kind of disabilities, because they are evil murderers. They do it, because they are aware, how many severe stages of that disability exist, despite the mother knows someone with a lighter one.
Monday 3 years ago
And additionally they know how some disabilities or illnesses might cluster together. A family member went through with a pregnancy she was strongly advised to terminate due to a genetic condition the baby had but she decided to go through with it because "that doesn't sound so bad". Her kid was diagnosed with cerebral palsy in addition to his genetic problem after birth. He will never even sit up by himself let alone walk or talk and he reached his mental capacity at 2 and a half. I'm sure she loves that kid to death regardless but he's in for a long life of seizures, digestive issues and muscle spasms, totally dependent on other people to survive. The doctors believed it would be kinder to not have someone live that kind of life, and I'm inclined to agree with them.
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May 3 years ago
"People with Downs are happy and delightful" Sure - some of them are - In my country we call them sunshine babies - but a lot of them aren't, and many of them have health issues and a much shorter life expectancy
Aaricia 3 years ago
I've worked with some people who had to care of ds people who couldn't do anything on their own. The only thing they could do on their own was moan, groan and lift their hands. Sometimes you can have the 'good' ds, which are the sunshine babies but many times you have the 'bad' ones which are the types I described. You wouldn't wish that life on anyone.
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Danish Dynomummy 3 years ago
My grandma once told me before she died that If she had a choice back then she would have chosen not to let my Uncle with DS be born. He lived with her and she took Care of him until her death. He never had any language, but was given a great life afterall with tons of hobbies and even won bronze at the paralympics in Shanghai. He is now 58 and living his best senior years at a residence with equals and we visit him once a week.
#7
Love my son, get on fine with his father. But nearly two decades later I'm still disabled by pregnancy and birth and it's never going to get better. If I had known then what I know now, etc. (I grow tumours when I'm pregnant, among other not-so-fun aspects. If we had realised it's a family tendency I would have stayed childless.)
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
There are a couple of tumour types that start growing during pregnancy, one is formed in the placenta. They are mostly benign.
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bryguy 3 years ago
Pregnancy won't cause cancer to grow faster than normal, but in very rare situations a sudden hormone change, like what happens when you become pregnant, can trigger specific cancers like skin cancer.
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#8
I love both my sons but if I could do it all again I wouldn't. I got pregnant young and did not know that I would pass my bipolar onto them. They both suffer from really bad depression. Trying to raise them when I was in and out of hospitals was hard and did them a disservice. Now they are grown and they rarely make time for me. Mother's Day and my birthday is a quick text or mention on Facebook. My youngest tells me I'm the only family member that accepts him when he has mental issues but that's the only time I ever hear from him. The oldest is even worse. I cry on a regular basis that I wish they would be closer to me. Long story short I did my best but it didn't matter.
Stephanie IV 3 years ago
This is just life's shitty side. It lurks. It's always there. Do something for yourself. It did matter. You matter. Everything is some kind of intrinsic task to learn from. Your sons manage. You manage. That's a good thing. There's no obligation for a parent to ensure happiness for their kid. Keeping them alive and reasonably healthy is a huge job already. Take off this load and accept that illness isn't your fault. Maybe you'll find a new way to tackle things - and this could be inspiring for your sons. I wish you the best. And luck. You seem overdue for some.
The Queen Of Upper Butt Crack 3 years ago
Perhaps they are doing their best as well. Everyone has issues and deals with them in their own way...even our children.
Little Miss Betty 3 years ago
I had my first child at 18 and second at 21. They both have metal health problems which I blame myself for as I have a multitude of problems. I feel this ladies pain. I'm 40 now and wish I'd had the proper mental health care growing up so I could have given my girls a better childhood.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
As the daughter of someone whose depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are hereditary, I can only say that I understand. It's not your fault, though. Not entirely. I wish my mother had better mental health care, especially as I go through a depressive episode or a panic attack, but honestly? That's in the past. You can't change the past, and you can't beat yourself up about it. Just advise others not to follow down your path and pray they don't. It's okay :).
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Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
I guess 18+ years ago they didn't know mental issues like bipolar are hereditary?
rumade 3 years ago
There are many people who have hereditary conditions who still choose to have children. I watched a documentary once about this couple who were both carriers of a gene that if you had both alleles of you would end up allergic to sunlight (1 in 4 chance for each child). They knew the risks and had 2 children, both of whom ended up with the condition. These kids have to be bandaged head to toe because their skin breaks down every day. It's also possible that the mum wasn't diagnosed as bipolar when she had her kids- she states having them young and some people don't get diagnosed until mid twenties.
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AnxietyRiddenMom 3 years ago
I can relate so much. If I had stopped and thought about my mental health and the possibility of passing it on, I would have done things differently.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
I would never ask a person with severe mental problems to consider not having children, but if you have bipolar disorder to the extent you require regular hospitalization as a mother, I would hope at least someone does
Id row 3 years ago
How do you not know that the disease you have is hereditary? Wasn't that discussed with her doctor at any time? So many people with hereditary conditions have kids and don't put any thought into what their kids may inherit. Like those stories you see about a long line of women in the family having breast cancer. "Oh, my mom and grandma passed away from it and I have the gene. Anyway, I'm due in two weeks. Can't wait to meet my baby!" Why? Why do people do this? It's so selfish.
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
The OP states that her children suffer from "really bad depression", but that they do not make time for her. This bothers me a bit. I'm a mom, so I sympathize with her, but if her children are suffering from severe depression, that could explain why they aren't giving her the attention she feels she needs. I feel there's a lot more to this story.
#9
They say the closest thing to the pain is passing a large kidney stone.
I had severe back pains, like someone was stabbing me with a knife viciously. I ended up having a very bad delivery because I got really sick. I had pre-e with hellp syndrome and hydronephrisis. Hellp syndrome is very rare and occurs in 0.016-0.025% of pregnancies so I did not have ab traditional delivery. I had an emergency c-section. The pain in my back was from my liver expanding.
For me giving birth was emotionally scary. When my twins were born, they were pretty much dead and had to be resuscitated. Their initial apgars were 1 and 0. They weren't breathing, they were blue, no pulse, no crying. There's was no happy "it's a boy" with them put on my chest. They were whisked out of the room to be worked on while the sewed me back up. I didn't know for hours I'd they were alive or dead ams I was of odd if myself from getting so sick. They are grade schoolers now and are fine.
Quite honestly, giving birth felt like the most traumatic experience of my life.
Danish Dynomummy 3 years ago
I actually cried a little reading this. But thank God they are ok now.
Katinka Min 3 years ago
They are but the mother isn't. So your comment is well meant but a good example of the problem described in so many posts, here. Noone really give a f*ck if the mother is traumatized or not.
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Nazda Pokmov 3 years ago
I had pre eclampsia and almost died along with my son. I could hear the nurses arguing who would wheel me down to the morgue before I delivered my son. My BP shot up to stroke levels. My son has had delayed speech from this. I was 36 and they insisted I get the amniocentesis procedure to see if he was DS. I also refused the ultra sound and the circumcision. The hospital was not very happy with me.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Carrying a baby is already the most dangerous thing we will ever do. But carrying more than one? I couldn't imagine. So many twins and mommies don't make it. It's heart breaking.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Yes, true. My mother's last labour was my twin and I. They had been worried about my health because my sister had significant growth compared to me. Came to birth time, my sister took an hour more to come out after myself.. causing my mother to need a blood transfusion. She was critical. We are all good now, family of 7, twin and I being the last of 5 kids at 29 years old. But gosh.. there was trauma.
Load More Replies... Philip Williams 3 years ago
I get VERY bad kidney stones and can confirm. My sister has had two natural childbirths and one small kidney stone, and even as a nurse she near philosophizes about kidney stone pain. What a terrible experience! How about the amazing technology of our hospitals and the work the doctors do, how much was spent on these processes! Just think, 50 years ago virtually nowhere on the Earth would your children have survived. Thank God for the age we live in!
#10
My wife has this regret after our one and only. Our birth experience was awful and resulted in an emergency cesarean. Our kid wasn't developing properly and was non-verbal for years; later we had them evaluated and it was found they were autistic. Every day for years my wife was stay-at-home with the kid while I was at work. She lost her entire sense of freedom and felt stuck in this position as a parent with nothing else on the horizon.
My wife is a wonderful individual and she does love our kid, and always goes out of her way to make sure our child's needs are met. But for a long time she's hated that she had to do all that work.
Things have improved over the last year or two though. Our child started talking and actually communicating, and actually has intelligent conversations with us about things they want to do and what's happening around them. They have an excellent support system at school, and they actually participate in class and their various therapies. I also now work from home and my wife (FINALLY) got a start to her career as an educator thanks to a wave of openings at our area schools due to early retirements after/during COVID. I now play dual roles of stay-at-home dad and full time engineer at a tech company, and have found my own stride to successfully balance both. My wife has found her freedom again in her new career, and being able to get out of the house daily and interact with other people has really helped her perspective towards being at home and being a mom. The regret is still there, but it is considerably easier to bear now.
Sweet Happiness 3 years ago (edited)
oh wow, medal to him, he was almost an adequate father and husband... She only had to do all the work for several years!
Demonz Halo 3 years ago
It’s sad that not schools have an excellent support system like yours, my brother has a bad case of ADHD and when he was second grade my mom would get phone calls almost every day over the littlest things, luckily his 3rd grade teacher was way better cause her too, has ADHD. Unfortunately though I also have my share of problems, so I think my mom can understand a little of what your going through. I’m glad that your kid is making progress!!
Philip Williams 3 years ago
Wow. Imagine if instead you would have been parents to my older or younger brothers, parents worse nightmare for constant screaming and being a danger to themselves more than the rest of us. Imagine if you had triplets or even twins.
#11
I am tied to an abusive man for the next 13 years or until one of us dies.
Not Proud British 3 years ago
No you are not. Having a child does not tie you to a man. You can get out, seek help from one of the many women's charities out there. Yes you may have a rough first year of starting again from scratch, but you will be free from fear. It's scary but the support network out there is brilliant. You won't be alone. What's the worst than can happen if you leave? And what's the worst that can happen if you stay? Please choose the former and get out, create a new life for you and your child. Then come back and let us know how you are doing.
Monday 3 years ago
It might not be the case of staying with him, it's a case of having to be connected to him. She might have left, might have gotten away and be totally safe but she still has to see and interact with him because he has some parenting time too. Even abusive partners often get supervised visits with their kids, so whether you leave or not that partner stays in your life in some capacity until that child is an adult.
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Stephanie IV 3 years ago
Yes, you are. The law allows bad parents their share of bad parenting. Make sure you don't forget that you aren't responsible for the man's behavior. You can't control him. Find a way to compartmentalise. See what you can and will do.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
You don't have to be. It's a bit of a process. Get yourself and the kids to a shelter, collect as much evidence as possible. I'd say take out a restraining order but a piece of paper isn't going to prevent a breach. You need to do what you can with whatever resources are available to you, to get full custody and make sure you're allowed to high-tail it out of the region. It's scary, I know, and it seems like you can't. Just know there's always a way to pick up your lives again and start anew. There are people and organizations who will help. You're not alone.
IeabellAlakar@aqueenofaplanet 3 years ago (edited)
Might not be a popular opinion, but assassins exist. And you are not tied to him in any way shape or form.
Alex Bailey 3 years ago
They are fairly expensive... um, a friend told me.
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#12
My massive regret is not dealing with my mental health issues before becoming a parent. But I was really young. And much more immature for my age. I had absolutely no clue how hard it would be to raise a child completely alone whilst struggling with your demons. It didn’t even enter my mind. I had pretty bad post natal depression when he was born. And honestly it’s been hard for us both.
I am only just getting proper therapy. But it’ll take a while. I only have one child because I was too scared to think about having another.
Me and my son are close.
We talk openly. I apologise when I need too. And we say I love you constantly.
My advice for anyone who wants children is please if you have any thing in your head that needs healing, do that first.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
As someone who was too young to set up her own therapy and had a kid young that is now grown, you're doing a better than you're giving yourself credit for. You have that open-door communication, understanding, forgiveness, humility, accountability, acknowledgement, love and affection that children need to learn and experience. You're doing great, mom.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Sounds like my mother, minus the therapy and the only one kid part. She has 11 kids and no therapy, since she doesn't trust anyone after a bad experience. But I'm going to get therapy at some point, so that's that.
Lp Johnson 3 years ago
Sadly, it's often the situations at HOME that lead young women to "want" somebody to care for and love and who will(in their minds) "really" love them back. Hard to see to your own healing before you even realize you need to heal, or are still in the situation you'll need healing from.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
This is exactly what I did, practiced proper birth control, knowing 1 day I wanted kids but also knew, in due time. Had severe social anxiety and bouts of depression spells. I swear, it was a feeling of mother nature blessing me. I was just so ready, after being with my partner for 7 years. I literally had just stopped taking my BC, pregnant a week after, by 27th bday. To this day, I just can't relate to feeling of regret or "lost of self". I don't solely identify myself as a mom or mother. I am my own human self who happens to be a mother but will constantly strive to be the best I can as a mother, as a partner, as well as an advocate for myself. Sry if boastful or irrelevant to the context but these stories of regret are saddening and I empathize for when birth control doesn't work. But, after witnessing my sister and my partner's sister... I just can't empathize with the people who behave like sex has no consequence and hardly ever think twice about using BC.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
It was gut wrenching to grow up at 9 years old, to my sister having her kids starting at 16yrs, 18, 24, and then finally at 30 yrs with 3 different, abusive men. It is gut wrenching seeing my sister-in-laws kids, 7 in total, be neglected and have started to lose hope in themselves due to a very unstable, neglecting, drug using mother who uses them as pawns against the grandparents, who leaves her parents to still be parents at being 60 yrs plus already. The oldest is 15, youngest literally 2 weeks younger than my daughter. 3 fathers and no self awareness of what her having sex and leaving her parents to raise the end product, entails. She started at 17 herself and never had stable long term relationships. Both of our sisters had problems with putting men first and foremost, desperatefor their attention. These kids don't deserve broken parents. The ppl who should be using birth control, just won't be. Sad human beings creating more sad human beings. The suffering pains me daily.
Load More Replies... Kanuli 3 years ago
How much time should one try to heal though? And if one gives up, means you have to decide to never have children?
Philip Williams 3 years ago
Until they are capable of meeting the responsibilities and sacrifices of raising a person. The second question there's more to, but yes
Load More Replies... #13
I don’t regret giving birth, but I will absolutely never get pregnant again. My pregnancy was the worst experience I’ve ever had to go through. I practically lived in the hospital with daily IV treatments. I had HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) which causes me to vomit nonstop. I was on a zofran pump and almost put on a feeding tube. I have ptsd from vomiting so much. I would get an abortion if I ever got pregnant again.
Fat Harry 3 years ago
It's amazing to think that women long before modern medicine must have suffered from similar problems. Pregnancy is difficult now I'm sure (I'm a man, but to me it's seems difficult) but it must have been, at times, unbearably hard for women in the past.
C W 3 years ago
Same... pregnant now and the nausea is just now starting to decline. Halfway through thus pregnancy and haven't gained a pound but thankfully baby is fine so far. HG is horrid. I'm a prior nurse and just ordered IV fluid, taught husband how to start IVs and stayed home. Having to find energy to trudge over to get IV fluid when you already feel like death makes my heart ache for you. I'm so thankful it sounds like the little one made it out and that hopefully you're ok. You're one strong woman
Katarzyna Gratka 3 years ago
When I read these stories, I want to hit anyone who says pregnancy is not a disease. Pregnancy is not a disease sensu stricto, but it can be extremely dangerous and burdensome for a woman's body and psyche. We are not vessels for future generations and we could use more respect and understanding from those, who have no idea, what it is like, but who criticize us.
Black Karen 3 years ago
This is incredibly ignorant, uneducated, insensitive, and downright rude. Go educate yourself about PTSD and HG. HG is an absolutely horrifying and debilitating illness. It IS traumatic to vomit 40+ times a day, vomit blood, have food-poisoning-like nausea every single day for 9 months, unable to eat anything, cant smell anything without vomitting, IV fluids, wicked constipation requiring enemas, unable to brush your teeth or shower bc you cant even stand up, peeing brown urine, feeling dizzy and weak, depressed, cant enjoy life at all, feeling horrible not being able to care for your other kids or go out with friends, in and out of the hospital, having your organs fail, lose your job, ppl think you are exagerati g your illness, jeopardizes your marriage, the financial stress, feeding tubes, zofran pump having to inject yourself, having a PICC line infection... seriously and thats not even half of it. And the fear you may die. YOU survive HG and then comment.
Load More Replies... #14
My kids have inherited mental issues from both parents. We were young and we didn't know. I just hate to see them suffer.
Kanuli 3 years ago
Would need more details. I got some mental issues, and I did suffer alot too. But I found love and peace, and now I am happy to be alive.
Lola 3 years ago
Some mental issues get better with treatment, but they never go away.
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Philip Williams 3 years ago
I have read that some more serious disorders such as schizophrenia don't fully manifest until adulthood. Everyone I know who has mental issues today that I knew in high school had many signs then.
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
If we second guess everything, no one would ever have children. Never can we know what will be the outcome. We can only make the best decisions we can with the orientation and information at the moment.
KM 3 years ago
There is no way of knowing so it would be quite a risk to not have kids on the off chance that they might suffer. Humans suffer no matter what, so it's nice that you gave them the ability to live, evolve, grow and make their own choices. I have mental issues and it's not from anything other that life.
#15
I feel like it has destroyed my marriage. Both of us have changed since our child was born and I'm afraid the people we've become are not as compatible as the people we used to be. We never talk to each other, we never do anything together, and the very, very infrequent sex is basically her attempt to maintain her ability to claim she makes an effort in our relationship. Any communication that happens between us is about logistics regarding our child. I understand there is a brief period after birth where everyone needs to adjust but it has been over 4 years now.
I love my child more than anyone else on Earth, save for my wife. But I miss having a companion in life. If I had known it would be like this, I don't think I would have made the same decisions.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
This sounds like you need therapy to learn to communicate and find a way to understand where each other is coming from. First, you need to understand that the effects of childbirth can last for years, perhaps decades. Find some help, but keep wary. Mothers, especially those depicted with "problems" are not listened to well.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
How about you get a sitter and let her have a life as well and talk to her. Actually talk to her.
C W 3 years ago
I hope you're able to try therapy... it could work wonders! We have a toddler and our relationship did take a bit of a hit. It took us both realizing we're spending all of our time worrying about her and somewhat neglecting each other. We found a babysitter so we can go on date nights, we now relax together after she goes to sleep. Just small things.. it's rough sometimes but I hope you two can make small changes to help your relationship. It's great for your little one to see that behavior too.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
I hope you have made attempts to talk about it with your wife. If so, and nothing has changed, then I feel for you, OP.
Not Proud British 3 years ago
I think your child simply held up the truth mirror on your relationship. If you were fully compatible, you would have both worked at this and remained constant. Having a kid is fully challenging, but the relationship breakdown isn't as a result of having children. You may well have broken down over a different challenge or simply changed as people. The only difference is that you feel you must stay together for the sake of children - don't do that. Kids aren't stupid. If you would feel happier apart then do that. Happy parents equal happy children. All you are teaching your kid atm is that marriages are unhappy and full of resentment.
Vicki Thill 3 years ago
You have a companion in life, she's right there. Sometimes, us mama's need to be reminded that being a parent isn't the only important role. My husband reminded me when our first child was young by setting up a family member to take him for a few days and whisking me away to our favorite place for a mini-local vacation. I remember sitting topside of a waterfall watching him try to catch a minnow for me from a side pool and thought, "When was the last time I did anything special for him?" I learned a great lesson on that mini vacation.
#16
I tore forward, ripped my urethra and clitoris. Permanent nerve damage.
Also developed a bunch of autoimmune diseases in my mid 30s, after 4 pregnancies. Leading theory is that micro-chimerism from the stem cells that stay in your body after a pregnancy is a big contributing cause.
Ace Girl 3 years ago (edited)
I'm really thankful for these stories and the brave women (and men!) open to sharing them. Our society thinks birth and motherhood is rainbows and butterflies and if we ban abortion then we can force women to have birth and they will turn into capable happy mothers with capable happy kids. So far from the truth. Birth can be dangerous and damaging even in the best circumstances. Wish I could give all these people a hug!
Leodavinci 3 years ago
Those fighting against the right of women for any kind of medical procedure do not care about anyone's happiness.
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ZentheOgre 3 years ago
Also for the damage. Sorry to here that my wife got pretty damaged from the last child. She got multiple tears in her abdominal wall that are considered herniations. The doctors feel that there is no medical need for repair but for a visual remember the thing kids did in hoodies where they held the empty arm of the hoodie while taking the free arm and made a fist motion(watch regular show you will see it). This happens when she attempts to stand, has a cramp, randomly just because. While also leaving her with a perpetual pregnancy belly. She gets commented on all the time and worse some older woman argue about her being pregnant and they don't even know her but think they know her body. And even after all that she wants to try for a third. Even while raising one autistic child (well I do stay at home dad here)
Karin Jansen 3 years ago (edited)
Whoosh.. First reading you can tear your urethra and clitoris, now this. Scared shitless over here!
Load More Replies... ZentheOgre 3 years ago
I was gonna call bull on the last part and say if that was the case look at the Diggers. Then I thought about how they hide keeping it in the family and say no wonder this didn't happen to two rednecks in the south there gene pool is probably more shallow than a leaky kiddie pool.
#17
I love my daughter and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the whole world. I love being a Mom as well.
I regret who I had a child with and how my life was pretty much changed for the worse. I was now tied to my abusive husband and his wacko family.
Katinka Min 3 years ago
She might have gotten away, but she can't break of contact, completely, because the father has rights.
Load More Replies... Chuck daniels 3 years ago
Except you aren't. If he is abusive, get proof and a restraining order, then custody of the child.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
You can make a no contact clause when exchanging the children for visitation, for one thing. I have seen firsthand how bad it can be for those who violate harassment laws regarding family law
Philip Williams 3 years ago
No? I exchange my son with my ex at the designated spot at the police station parking lot. By her insistence all contact between us is kept at a minimum. If I violate these restrictions in any way I can go to jail or lose visitation rights, and I have half custody
Load More Replies... #18
I would go though it again to get my son but my body isn’t the same. PPD is a wicked witch. I tore and 4 years later I’m still having major issues. My skin down there is thin and if I wipe just a tiny bit too hard I hurt for weeks. It’s terrible. But my son is amazing.
MellonCollie 3 years ago
I think you might want to talk to your gynaecologist of it is that bad down there. And if they do not take you seriously, talk to a different one. I tore as well (many women do), and it was uncomfortable around the perineum for 7 years, until I had another baby, torn again (well, the scar tissue did, obviously) and was sewn back together in a MUCH better way. No more soreness or discomfort again. So I think this is a problem to discuss with your gynaecologist.
Mandy Colwell 3 years ago
I tore with my middle from front to back and had to have repair surgery....best decision I've ever made!!! After the repair, wiping was much, much easier and sex is no problem! Sometimes the way the Dr. sews, is the REAL problem.
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UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
Would a bidet or sprayer be helpful? Then you don’t have to wipe, but just pat dry.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Okay wow... I wipe and it can end up hurting me for a while. I hadn't realized could be an effect from birth. I honestly wouldn't want to get pregnant again because of the extreme headaches, painful hemorrhoids and body aches it brought to me. I had never felt my body like that before. I was the most fit in my life beforehand and now I am 10 lbs heavier than the heaviest I had ever been in my life. I am scared to workout again because I am just so not wanting to feel any body aches. It really sticks with you.
#19
While I don't regret having my daughter, I wish I would have spoken up and done things differently. I had a horrible traumatic birthing experience. I went to a large hospital where I was a number not a name and it was awful. I still can't think about it without getting teary eyed.
MellonCollie 3 years ago
The traumatic birthing experiences many women have experienced and are experiencing in hospitals because of how they are treated, really is something that needs to be dealt with fast. This is very bad for mothers and babies alike, and it is horrible it came to this.
Omi bub 3 years ago
This culture in obstetrics has to change. Amazing BBC drama about this called 'This is going to hurt' written by a doctor.
Load More Replies... Mandy Colwell 3 years ago
I tore pretty awful and had a nurse tell me the next day "just get and and go pee" like I had fell off of a bike, and not produced a human and tore up my own body at the same time!
Philip Williams 3 years ago
That really stinks. My first wife had so terrible an experience with her first childbirth she swore it would be her last. I pay over $22 an hour for our coverage; approx. $50,000 a year just for it. I also am in the highest tax bracket in terms of percentage deducted, so I pay more on average for her SIL's childbirth at County than average also. She had a great, nurturing experience. Both women are undocumented migrants
#20
I get it. I love my son and I'm glad I chose to have him. But I was not talked to or prepared for the trauma that might happen in birth. They let me sit in labor too long, I developed an Infection that almost killed me and my son. Had to have an emergency c section and he had to be in the NICU......now any time I see a woman going into labor on TV or movies I freak out. I will definitely not have a Second child.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I cannot watch "A Baby Story" after I had mine. It gives me too many flashbacks, anxiety and sadness.
MellonCollie 3 years ago
I am very sorry you had such a bad experience. Reading all your comments combined gives me the impression you've had a pretty rough time. Sending you a hug, if you want it.
Load More Replies... Philip Williams 3 years ago
I wonder if they do this on purpose to prevent certain people from having children. It's probably a conspiracy theory, but I don't know. If Margaret Sanger could sell abortion to society and the government by claiming it will eradicate the black problem, I get paranoid
#21
I love my boys more than I ever thought I could. However... it's Saturday night and I'm covered in baby vomit with the baby refusing to sleep anywhere else but on me. He will wake about 3 times between now and when the toddler wakes at 6am. I'm carrying 20kg more than I'm comfortable with and have no clothes that fit. I feel guilt for so many choices I make.
There are times I regret having my second baby because it's so hard to juggle the needs of two and still find time for my needs. People tell me it will get easier but for now, I'm hating it.
Ace Girl 3 years ago
People don't realize how hard it is for mothers of young kids. It's one reason I hated when people told me "enjoy every moment!" Eff no, you're in the trenches, just trying to survive! Never tell a mom "enjoy every moment." It's annoying.
Lou Cam 3 years ago
"In the trenches" is the best description of having two kids. The sleep deprevation and having to juggle both kids at different stages 24 hours a day. I would never shame any parent for finding their unique way of coping as a result. We felt like we were counting down to each stage of their childhood in case the next stage was easier. Spoiler: it was different not easier, until the youngest was 6 at least.
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Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
"The change between one and two is the hardest, since you have to learn how to juggle your attention between the two." --My mother, who has 11 kids, to a nervous mom who wanted another kid but was worried about how her life would change with 3.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
Glad to know you really thought about having kids... I swear, people put more thought into adopting a cat or dog than into having kids. It's horrible.
Catie Marie 3 years ago
No, you're horrible. Maybe her partner left her or died or refuses to help out so she feels alone and overwhelmed. Stop mom shaming.
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Marie Wolffgang 3 years ago
I only had one child so far, but can totally imagine the exhaustion of juggling two small kids. When our son was screaming non stop the only thing that kept me sane was leaving the room for a bit (of course someone else watched the baby then). Even one hour for myself and a cup of coffee made all the difference for me! You HAVE to make time for yourself now and then, but of course that's easier said than done when raising small kids alone, as I'm sure many women (and also men, but we're talking about babies here, so statistics..) are doing. Love and hugs to all those warriors out there!
Nazda Pokmov 3 years ago
My son screamed into my left ear for a year nightly before we figured out he was lactose intolerant. Even the stupid baby doctor didn't catch this....but my RN mom did with the help of the dietitian at the hospital. She recommended Lactaid drops and within a year he was cured of his lactose intolerant problem and can now eat anything milk products related with no problems.
Nicole Holt 3 years ago
My first child had just turned 2 when I was days from having my second child. I had a complete nervous breakdown and started crying. Hubby asked what was wrong. I just kept sobbing that I can't do it; that I can't have two children this young. He said: "Well, kinda too late now" and just hugged me. (Note: Both kids were planned) All worked out just fine and I even had a third child 3 years after that. Love my kids, love how it all worked out, but having doubts is normal and ok.
#22
I have 3 kids and quite frequently wish I had 0. I never wanted kids and knew I wanted more from my life than dirty diapers and minivans. I was ok with the first 2 but the 3rd really made me question everything again. This is not what I want to be doing with my life. I had my kids at such a young age (15, 19, 24 ) that I don't stand a chance at doing anything significant with my life other than saying hey I raised 3 more humans. Your welcome. What an accomplishment.
Aimee Gregory 3 years ago
I'm 40, had, 5 kids by 23. Ive had major depressive disorder for most of my life. One has high functioning autistic, one had such bad depression he killed himself, one drinks himself into an oblivion to cope, one kid actually seems great and "normal" my 5th kid and only daughter, identities as male and she had has horrible depression. Last year at the age of 39, I tried to take my own life. I was nearly 40 and my only accomplishment in my life was a hand full off troubled kids, no job, a high school drop out, things seemed bleak and I felt like a failure and like it was way too late in life to have a "good" life. I spent the summer locked up in a mental hospital. NOW life has turned completely turned around for the BEST! There is hope!
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Rhonda Wandler 3 years ago
My mother had 4 of us. Came v close to killing herself when i was 7. As an adult she was venting one time and told me that she had never wanted to have kids. Don't ever do that to your kids. Vent here and/or to other adults, only.
Aimee Gregory 3 years ago
I agee with you! Never ever make them feel like the problem, they didn't ask to be born
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PandaGoPanda 3 years ago
Raising them well is a great accomplishment. And you'll still be in your 30s when they're old enough for you to go back to work, and in your 40s when they leave home - the world is your oyster.
AW 3 years ago
Rather regret not having children than having children. I feel sorry for children whose parents never really wanted them, what a crippling burden is to be unwanted. They didn't ask to be born. I wish for a future when people everywhere have access to education, birth control and abortion
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Yes! Proper education because those who seem they should be using birth control the most, just won't be. The cycle of suffering just needs to end somewhere, with someone! Why doesn't society fully understand the impact of having a child, another being added to the world, only to suffer? Uff.
Load More Replies... Not Proud British 3 years ago
Congrats, because it IS an accomplishment. More so if they are happy, thoughtful, caring and kind individuals. Because being a parent is the hardest job there is, so yes you can be proud because that is something significant with your life. It's a major achievement. And once they have left and become independent, you will be young enough to reclaim your life and do all those things you always wanted to do.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
I used to completely understand the first accidental pregnancy from an unwilling young girl, even though I witnessed first hand growing up the efficacy of 90s birth control. Then four years of hating it you have another... Five years later another. At some point you need to self evaluate
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Agreed. I could never understand why my sister, who constantly said she wasn't meant to be a mother after 2 kids (1 dad), still had 2 more.. from 2 more different fathers. The trauma is there on my nieces and nephews from the neglect. She is now making up for it. But it just didn't need to happen and I can't understand what her problem with using BC was because it was never that "it didn't work".
Load More Replies... Vicki Thill 3 years ago
Yeah, but just imagine...if you signed up for college classes, either online or in person (you'd be amazed at how many colleges offer daycare) just imagine being able to say, "I raised three beautiful children, went back to school, and started a new career." What an accomplishment that would be, huh?
Katinka Min 3 years ago
I reinvetnted my life at 40 and, now, at fity, I am reinventing myself again. You still got so many decades to life your life.
Monique Miller 3 years ago
If you raised, or are raising three well adjusted , good human beings, that’s a major accomplishment. Instead of being hard on yourself, be proud of that. You did a great job, much harder than many a full time job.
#23
I was too young to have a kid. I love my kid so much, but both of us suffered because I just wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was extremely immature and irresponsible, and I resented not having a normal teenage experience which very quickly turned into crushing depression and anxiety. Honestly I wish I’d had an abortion and waited until I was older and had my sh*t together to even consider becoming a parent. My kid had to grow up with a parent who wasn’t fully grown up, and that sucks.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
This is why I tell my older ones you don't have sex and expect a toaster. If they knock a girl up, they better be prepared to take care of that child. Needless to say.... no grandkids yet. Hope it stays that way till their ready.
Mikey Kliss 3 years ago
Safe sex always. Been with my wife since we were 18. we're now in our 30s with one kid (that we were actually trying for) used a condom leading up to that time and since then
Load More Replies... Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Yeah, my mom had her first at 15. Now, 22 years later, I don't think she's fully grown up. She's a good mother, though.
Lukas-not-Luca (he/him) 3 years ago
Did you read the post? That's not what it said. They love their kid but feel guilty about their mental health and didn't feel ready to have a kid. Not that they want them gone.
Load More Replies... #24
It destroyed my health, but let me be clear, I don’t regret the birth, I regret the choice of doctor. If I had insisted on a C it would have been fine.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I really hate this idea that you're somehow lazy or bad because you prefer a c-section. There's this push from doctors to do it naturally. Especially with some people talking about how women have done it for thousands of years therefore you should, too. Women died early for thousands of years, too, but we have technology and drugs that can help for an easier time of it. Some women look down on you if you want drugs as if you're hurting your baby and you're selfish. In this day and age, I don't understand the push for mother's to have natural childbirth as if there are no other options. My mother did it natural for my older brother and it caused horrible pain for her and her recovery was twice as long. She had me by c-section and she said she could have 20 if she'd done it that way. She was up and walking by the end of the day after her c-section. I understand there are some benefits of having natural birth but I feel like the cost is too high.
Alex Bailey 3 years ago
Wholeheartedly agree. Though I would add that a c-section is considered major surgery. They do get you up and walking for your health's sake but that's the norm after a lot of major surgery (can speak from experience). There are downsides - including that it is usually painful to hold the baby to even breastfeed afterwards and can slow down bonding. I'm only adding this to give a more rounded picture. It should always be about choice based on individual needs.
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Philip Williams 3 years ago
It's probably a cost thing. I wouldn't be surprised if C-section was more expensive. Maybe it's more dangerous to the mother, or so they say. I think if you have the cash and a willing doctor, then you should be able to have any surgery they offer, even if not necessarily a medical necessity
Mir Adwari 3 years ago
Most countries it's free at the point of treatment. We're not all in the US (no criticism just an observation, I'm not here to US bash). It can be more dangerous or have lifelong implications to the mother (and often the baby) to NOT have a c-section in certain situations - which I'm hoping is the point here.
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#25
Pre-kids, I was on track for an area manager job. Post-kids, the same company tried to pressure me into taking a demotion far below the level of management I was in. F*ck them. I stopped giving a sh*t about the company I'd given my heart and soul to and walked away. I now have a great career with a company that actually does some good in the world and values children, but it has taken years to actually gain a stable footing on the career ladder again
Philip Williams 3 years ago
Companies shouldn't do that. Legal consultation isn't free everywhere, but it's relatively inexpensive to put your case before an attorney. My niece got a fat settlement from the HMO she works for for exactly this.
#26
I don’t regret having my child but I definitely will be having no more - I was 22 had no idea what I was getting myself into or that the after birth would affect me for the rest of my life.
I was 22 that is still young but my body has never been the same or worked the same.
Alex Bailey 3 years ago
What the effing hell are you blithering on about?
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#27
I would have my children again, given the choice. But I wasn’t prepared for the way my career would slow because of them.
It’s the little things like not being able to travel to conferences. Taking more time off than non-parenting peers due to kids being sick. Etc.
Their dad turned out to be a dumpster fire, the judge prohibited him from even seeing one of the kids. So that didn’t help.
I love the kids and have tried to instill good values, and I am just not as high up the corporate ladder as I thought I could achieve.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
You have to really think what's more important, unapologetically more important. Career or kids. If both are just as important and the company is not fitting your needs, you need a company change or career change. Or be a bit patient because kids are not kids forever.
Birma Gustafsson 3 years ago
Children are still, I'm so sad to say, a trap for women, changing worklife to the worse, worse pay, worse pension. Women easily become a second rate citizen after having babies, and men become their safetynets. Slowly we are sinking back into worse times for women, and as long as we are silent about it, nothing will get better.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
Yes, kids can slow personal progress at work down, for sure. If it helps, you can't be certain that you would have achieved everything you felt you would have. Lots of people don't make it far in their careers even doing everything correctly, kids or not. Or maybe you would have, and been a wealthy person who never had kids.
#28
I would have another baby if it wasn't for birth. Jut give me the baby and none of that painful birth lol
Mikey Kliss 3 years ago
Adoption? That's always an option if you want another child but not go thru the pregnancy labour part
Philip Williams 3 years ago
Amen! If you don't have coverage, you can check with the local hospitals if they give epidural injections. I think you only need like 4cm dilation in most regions, please correct me if I'm wrong. Thanks
#29
I lost my daughter at 23 weeks to preeclampsia, and had numerous complications including placenta previa with my son but he got here safe and sound via C sections. Call me crazy but I wouldn’t change a thing, the love as well as the pain I bare daily are b/c of my choices and I wouldn’t nor can do anything differently. Speak on it yes but don’t dwell on it IF possible. I am looking forward to baby #3 and mentally prepared for the possible outcomes. For me “it’s better to have loved and loss than to never have loved at all.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Your daughter and my son are dancing in the heavens. It doesn't matter when you lose them. It'd a horrific loss all the same. Lots of love to you.
MysteriousLegBruise 3 years ago
Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss. Lots of love to you too! 💕
Load More Replies... Little Miss Betty 3 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. My niece was born sleeping at 40 wks and 9 days. It will be her 10th heavenly birthday soon. She will never be forgotten and neither will your daughter. I hope your rainbow arrives safely xxx
#30
If I could have ordered and picked up my daughter at the store then I would have. Maybe chosen the sleeps better add on too.
Pregnancy almost killed me, in several ways hated almost every second of it. My body is still, 2years pp, wrecked. In pain everyday. Will never be the same.
If money was more abundant then I would have another via surrogate but if I could afford that I could afford a nanny/night nurse and private surgery so would have a better time all round. I love my little girl to the ends of the earth and she was worth it but if I had known before then she wouldn't have been - if that makes sense.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Idk why some people think surrogates are the easy answers. It's a whole other kind of stress full of legalities, anxieties the surrogate is actually taking care of themselves, the possibility something will happen to them and then there's a lot of legalities associated with that. Like, surrogates have been sued for miscarriages and failed conception. When money and trust with someone else with such an invaluable, sensitive thing it leads to confused emotions and wrongly pointed blame. It's nothing like what the movies depict.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
It is a extremely selfish thing to do. She is basically saying "I hated oregnancy and it broke my body so i wish I paid a poor woman so she could break her to give me a baby". Horrible
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#31
It was the loneliest time in my life and it permanently ties me to the person who contributed the most to that loneliness.
I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and her father is an amazing father to her. But I hate that I have to deal with him still despite being broken up.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
I don't deal with my ex-wife for that reason. We do our exchanges in the designated spot at the police station parking lot, and follow court orders to a tee
Catie Marie 3 years ago
Why are you still talking? Trying to show all these moms your gleaming halo?
Load More Replies... #32
I love my son, I wouldn't be without him... but if I had known the toll pregnancy/birth would take on my health, I'd have stayed childless. Can't undo that so I live with it, but that's a "crystal ball" regret.
#33
I would’ve hired a surrogate if I were rich. Seriously, pre- and post-natal hormones wrecked me for a few years. Emotionally and physically I was a mess. Overweight, stressed, tired, and moody all the time. Seeing therapists and exercising didn’t really help, it was the hormones. My husband was, and still is, amazingly gracious to me, cuz if I were him I probably would’ve wanted to separate. My youngest is 6 and I feel like I’m just now getting my life and body back together. My kids are amazing tho so I can’t say it wasn’t worth it.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
My sister just had her first baby and though she and her husband are over the moon with love for their son, I can see how the hormones have rendered my smart and strong sister to an emotional tornado of love and self-doubt. Hormones are weird.
Not Proud British 3 years ago
I hear you. Doctors dish out the contraceptive pill like smarties, but they don't tell you about the huge amount of women who suffer depression whilst on the pill. Then, if you come off the pill you get pregnant and boom - you are hit with another set of hormones that can also send you off the rails. People don't understand how much hormones can change your personality, your outlook, everything about you. Glad you are feeing yourself again.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
If you have to take hormones before and after pregnancy that sucks, but if you knew you felt it was worth the discomfort, right? I know alot of people who are naturally tired, stressed, moody and overweight, and don't do therapy or exercise. Kudos to you for knowing what a miserable obstacle some people like that can be, and thanks for trying to improve!
#35
I just wasn't ready. I was only 20 when she was born. I was in the middle of uni and I just wasn't ready to be responsible for something so important.
I wanted to go travelling before starting my career but that won't happen. I'm just about to finish my masters degree and I'm going to have to go straight into a high stress job to be able to have some form of financial stability to provide for her and be able to move into a decent area so she can go to a decent school.
I'm on placement atm, I leave at 6am and get back at 7pm. If my gf hasn't managed to get her to sleep before I get back, she won't sleep till 10pm cos she f*cks about for me and refuses to sleep. Once I've got her to sleep, I then have to attempt to do some of my dissertation and apply for jobs.
I just want one day where I can stay in bed and chill like I used to... I don't hate being a parent, I just wish I could've waited like 10 years.
And forget about ever getting sex... My gf decided co-sleeping was a good idea so I've not had any form of intimate contact for like 6 months now. And before it stopped completely, it happened extremely rarely. I've gone from having sex like 4 times a week to 0 times in 6 months.
PandaGoPanda 3 years ago
Yep, that sounds pretty normal for being a new parent. Don't worry, you will all get through it.
Rhonda Wandler 3 years ago
With a baby or kid you can still have a "do nothing day' take it real easy, stay in your pjs, put a bunch of pillows and blankets on floor near the tv, thtow in book, toys. Let the baby be nude for awhile. Dont cook, order food. Watch tv and cuddle a lot.
Philip Williams 3 years ago
You wish you "could" have waited? Serious question, were you raped?
#36
Having my kids has put me behind at least 10 years professionally. I'm slowly making up some of that time but it is still so hard. Covid has helped in terms of not having to travel but also set me back because of remote learning! Ugh.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
How peculiar. There's posts of those who felt they had their kids too young and actually regret not waiting. I have a friend who is 31 and wants to wait until she's established in a career, and wants to make sure her boyfriend is the one she wants to have a baby with before getting pregnant (good for her). And then you have the parents who are established in a career who are regretting having kids now because it shook their career projection off target. Just goes to show, there are people who will never feel they were ready to have kids, but not because we weren't ready, but because everyone who deals with us weren't ready. Corporations push back moms. Medical staff talk down to moms. Friends and family keep away, suggesting we want to be alone to "spend time with our babies". And we're made to feel guilty for not enjoying every single aspect of raising these little people, and lately it's been added we're now "entitled" for asking for some help and support.
IeabellAlakar@aqueenofaplanet 3 years ago
This. In America, vaginas are controlled more than guns. Like, wtf, America, get your priorities straight.
Load More Replies... Valerie Lessard 3 years ago
What the hell did you think was going to happen? Chuck them in day care and bobs your uncle?
Philip Williams 3 years ago (edited)
I'm not a woman, but if you struggle financially as a couple, raising children will be difficult for that reason. Conversely, if you are a woman who wants a family and a career which is very competitive and requires more time and effort than most other lines of work, child rearing can be a definite impediment! I would like a common sense solution which would accommodate the mother without undermining the position or career she is competing for
#37
I had my son months early due to preeclampsia and complete placenta abruption. We almost died and I have PTSD. The guilt felt over my body failing was crippling and then my ex got a vasectomy against my wishes so I couldn't try for a normal pregnancy and delivery again. Pregnancy was awful. I threw up all the time in the second tri and slept through the first tri. Barely got into third before I had kidney stones and then the EMCS. He turned 10 this month and it was the first birthday I didn't completely break down for. I wasn't able to even hold him for 3 days after he was born.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
Why would you want to go through another pregnancy when this one was so traumatic? I mean, preeclampsia has a high change of occurring in future pregnancies too, and a 15% chance of another placenta abruption. This sounds like she just wants to cure her PTSD by having a successful, normal pregnancy and that's a very bad reason to have a kid.
IeabellAlakar@aqueenofaplanet 3 years ago
Do you have to have permission from your partner to get a vasectomy?
#38
Hyperemesis gravidarum for the entire pregnancy. That will do it to any woman. Crazy thing is I want two more lmao. I don't necessarily regret giving birth tho, just the pregnancy part because of how sick I get.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
So many kids needing adopting, seems like this is an obvious option.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
Seems that too many women re brainwashed by society to believe that they need to birth a child. Even if she or the child will suffer.
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Lee F. 3 years ago
Demi why are you so negative on this post where women are being real and vulnerable? Curious.
Load More Replies... #39
I just wished I didn’t need a c section. I had so many problems afterwards. Endometriosis ruined my body and I ended up having four more surgeries including a hysterectomy. My son is 14 now and is amazing! He’s smart, funny and is a wonderful caregiver.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
For anybody reading endometriosis is inheritable and in many cases is so debilitating that makes you disabled, like mine. So do not have biological kids if yiu have endometriosis. Your daughters or granddaughters might inherit it and suffer tremendously. Adopt instead or use an egg donor.
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
When kids have a parent with disabilities, they step up. They shouldn’t be expected to shoulder all the burdens, but most of the time, us kids with disabled parents love our parents and WANT to caregive. My dad became disabled when I was 18 and I happily spent the next 20 years as one of his primary caregivers.
Load More Replies... #40
If i had more money I would have gone through surrogacy.
Pregnancy does not get along with me, it wrecked my hormones for a while, it's a hard recovery. Giving birth was hard but what came after was much worse. I had to get on meds because the hormones made me unable to leave my house.
My kids are worth it but the pregnancy stuff sucks.
Christine Jemison 3 years ago
This is related to all the stories, My mom hated giving birth to me ! Ladies please don't tell your kids these stories, she told me how she regretted having me and if she could have had an abortion she would have. This was told to me everyday of my life. I am sixty six years old and it still bothers me today. I wish all of you well,😢
Catie Marie 3 years ago
Firstly, surrogates aren't just hanging out in a homeless camp to be picked. There's a fairly rigorous screening process. Secondly, a surrogate may have a totally normal, healthy pregnancy and knows this bc she is already a mom. And whether it's a paid surrogate or a family member/friend, they know what baby fever is like and are willing to go thru pregnancy with someone else's baby out of the goodness of their hearts, regardless of payment. Thirdly...You're a c**t.
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What do you think ?
kat lia 3 years ago
I don't judge them but I always believe that if you decided to have a kid, your life will revolve around them, and because of that I also do believe that there is no such thing as a part-time parent especially part-time mom. And that is the reason why I decided not to have kids because I know i cannot give up my me-time, probably I am selfish, I don't like too much responsibility, bringing up a child into this world is an effort, commitment and a big responsibility. There should be an a test imposed to see if you are ready and have the capabilities to become a parent. Like a legal test from the government.
Tracy Sellars 3 years ago
You are not selfish in anyway. You are an extremely responsible adult and there should be more people like you. I am a big believer in what you have said. Too many people take the plunge of having kids without considering the negative aspects, only concentrating on the positive. Unless you are prepared to give your life away and pay hundreds of thousands of dollars don't do it.
Load More Replies...
bv7hearts 3 years ago
I'm 40 and childfree by choice. It's a traumatic experience that I do not want to go through, global overpopulation is already at a scary level, and I know I would not be able to rein my ADHD, anxiety, or depression in enough to be a good mother.
Ace Girl 3 years ago
I'm disappointed in the many judgmental comments in response to these women (and men!) bravely sharing their stories. Imagine a man being told "then why did you do that hard thing, you dummy." These women have my utmost respect and stories like this need to be told.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
As my mother, a nurse, once said, "Seeing a uterus fall out of a vagina is the best birth control in the world." And yet, here I am. Things happen despite birth control, despite intentions, so never assume one method works. Use two. Condom *and* pill. (Note: In real life, those 97% effective are more like 70%.) Same reason you get vaccinated, *and* wash your hands...
aroace man, but german 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
i don't know much about woman's anatomy, but... can a uterus actually fall out of the vagina?? because now i am seeing it and i am acared.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
I kind of would want a child, but all of the above is what's holding me back from actually making plans to try and get pregnant. If the chances were slim of things like the above happening it'd be one thing, but it happens quite often.
elSti 3 years ago
It happens often indeed but good births happen a lot more. This is an article that Will only show you the negative side. if you look for negative things, everything will look negative. I hope you one day can have your problem-free pregnancy
Load More Replies...
KJean 3 years ago
And this is why abortions should always be safe, legal, and free. Imagine having to go through any of this if you didn't choose to be pregnant?
Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
Exactly. It's hard enough if you want the child, imagine if you didn't/could not possible care for it. Then it's nothing but torture.
Load More Replies... Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
A)No one is prepared for parenthood before they have a child. And no one knows what pregnancy feels like before they are pregnant. It's kind of unfair to judge people for expressing their feelings. B) yes. Pregnancy is very hard on your body. Some things can get permanently damaged, other things take long to recover. Even those really minor things that seems "silly" to other people can really feel... sad. Like sex not being the same for a year after each pregnancy, I was NOT prepared for that with my first kid and no one talks about those things because it's "normal". Or the struggle that breastfeeding can be. Or things like ppd/ppa. And that SO MANY issues during pregnancy, childbirth and post partum are considered "normal" and no one listens to you about it because "you chose to have a kid" even if you are damaged permanently or not. It's a women's health issue we need to take more seriously.
Ally MacMann 3 years ago
The chances of serious complications during birth are often hugely underestimated. The challenges of raising children (any children, let alone those with special needs) is often underestimated. In fact, these subjects are far too often seen as taboo and many people and families are suffering in silence. Education needs to improve prior to pregnancy and support needs to improve after it. It's also time people aren't judged for asking for help but praised and supported for having the courage to reach out.
Rens 3 years ago
The simple fact is our bodies have not evolved fast enough to accommodate the large brain of the baby. Natural childbirth is brutal on the female body even under the best of circumstances. I was forced to go into labour and endure 24 hours of it before they finally realised I was never going to dilate more than 6cm. Then when they broke my eaters, they saw meconium (baby's first bowel movement) they gave me an epidural and emergency c-section. I'd been vomiting from the pain for hours... She was absolutely perfect, apgar 9, but I started hemorrhaging and they whisked her away with dad in tow. I know the trauma of birth contributed to my Fibromyalgia, I also have Adenomyosis which was not diagnosed until recently. My daughter is amazing, brilliant and my greatest joy. I don't regret anything except the birth, which has left irreparable damage to my body.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Exactly. I now can not have another child because of my labor with my son. It dragged on for 27 hours. I hemmoraged and had to have an emergency hestorectomy. I had a beautiful baby boy and my girl is now 8. However I lost my baby boy to sids. Now I'm heart broken and in intensive therapy twice a week working from home only visiting my patients in emergency cases. Ugh. I'm glad you made it woman! And congrats on your girl.
Load More Replies... Nancy Doughty 3 years ago
I admire the bravery of these women to speak their truths regarding "motherhood", knowing there with be a lot of negative feedback from those who worship those who reproduce and "something's wrong" with women who don't. I was given to the state for custody before I was born in 1955, certified bastard (no daddy name on the birth certificate), given to the Medical College to be used for experimental orthopedic surgeries and left a cripple. She should have aborted me.
Eiram 3 years ago (edited)
I have a friend who was placed in foster care and used for experimental drug testing. Poor guy has all kinds of medical problems... but as an adult he chanced getting to know his mother and they are friends right now. It was a road not many could take after that kind of childhood.
Load More Replies... kat lia 3 years ago
I don't judge them but I always believe that if you decided to have a kid, your life will revolve around them, and because of that I also do believe that there is no such thing as a part-time parent especially part-time mom. And that is the reason why I decided not to have kids because I know i cannot give up my me-time, probably I am selfish, I don't like too much responsibility, bringing up a child into this world is an effort, commitment and a big responsibility. There should be an a test imposed to see if you are ready and have the capabilities to become a parent. Like a legal test from the government.
Tracy Sellars 3 years ago
You are not selfish in anyway. You are an extremely responsible adult and there should be more people like you. I am a big believer in what you have said. Too many people take the plunge of having kids without considering the negative aspects, only concentrating on the positive. Unless you are prepared to give your life away and pay hundreds of thousands of dollars don't do it.
Load More Replies... bv7hearts 3 years ago
I'm 40 and childfree by choice. It's a traumatic experience that I do not want to go through, global overpopulation is already at a scary level, and I know I would not be able to rein my ADHD, anxiety, or depression in enough to be a good mother.
Ace Girl 3 years ago
I'm disappointed in the many judgmental comments in response to these women (and men!) bravely sharing their stories. Imagine a man being told "then why did you do that hard thing, you dummy." These women have my utmost respect and stories like this need to be told.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
As my mother, a nurse, once said, "Seeing a uterus fall out of a vagina is the best birth control in the world." And yet, here I am. Things happen despite birth control, despite intentions, so never assume one method works. Use two. Condom *and* pill. (Note: In real life, those 97% effective are more like 70%.) Same reason you get vaccinated, *and* wash your hands...
aroace man, but german 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
i don't know much about woman's anatomy, but... can a uterus actually fall out of the vagina?? because now i am seeing it and i am acared.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
I kind of would want a child, but all of the above is what's holding me back from actually making plans to try and get pregnant. If the chances were slim of things like the above happening it'd be one thing, but it happens quite often.
elSti 3 years ago
It happens often indeed but good births happen a lot more. This is an article that Will only show you the negative side. if you look for negative things, everything will look negative. I hope you one day can have your problem-free pregnancy
Load More Replies... KJean 3 years ago
And this is why abortions should always be safe, legal, and free. Imagine having to go through any of this if you didn't choose to be pregnant?
Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
Exactly. It's hard enough if you want the child, imagine if you didn't/could not possible care for it. Then it's nothing but torture.
Load More Replies... Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
A)No one is prepared for parenthood before they have a child. And no one knows what pregnancy feels like before they are pregnant. It's kind of unfair to judge people for expressing their feelings. B) yes. Pregnancy is very hard on your body. Some things can get permanently damaged, other things take long to recover. Even those really minor things that seems "silly" to other people can really feel... sad. Like sex not being the same for a year after each pregnancy, I was NOT prepared for that with my first kid and no one talks about those things because it's "normal". Or the struggle that breastfeeding can be. Or things like ppd/ppa. And that SO MANY issues during pregnancy, childbirth and post partum are considered "normal" and no one listens to you about it because "you chose to have a kid" even if you are damaged permanently or not. It's a women's health issue we need to take more seriously.
Ally MacMann 3 years ago
The chances of serious complications during birth are often hugely underestimated. The challenges of raising children (any children, let alone those with special needs) is often underestimated. In fact, these subjects are far too often seen as taboo and many people and families are suffering in silence. Education needs to improve prior to pregnancy and support needs to improve after it. It's also time people aren't judged for asking for help but praised and supported for having the courage to reach out.
Rens 3 years ago
The simple fact is our bodies have not evolved fast enough to accommodate the large brain of the baby. Natural childbirth is brutal on the female body even under the best of circumstances. I was forced to go into labour and endure 24 hours of it before they finally realised I was never going to dilate more than 6cm. Then when they broke my eaters, they saw meconium (baby's first bowel movement) they gave me an epidural and emergency c-section. I'd been vomiting from the pain for hours... She was absolutely perfect, apgar 9, but I started hemorrhaging and they whisked her away with dad in tow. I know the trauma of birth contributed to my Fibromyalgia, I also have Adenomyosis which was not diagnosed until recently. My daughter is amazing, brilliant and my greatest joy. I don't regret anything except the birth, which has left irreparable damage to my body.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Exactly. I now can not have another child because of my labor with my son. It dragged on for 27 hours. I hemmoraged and had to have an emergency hestorectomy. I had a beautiful baby boy and my girl is now 8. However I lost my baby boy to sids. Now I'm heart broken and in intensive therapy twice a week working from home only visiting my patients in emergency cases. Ugh. I'm glad you made it woman! And congrats on your girl.
Load More Replies... Nancy Doughty 3 years ago
I admire the bravery of these women to speak their truths regarding "motherhood", knowing there with be a lot of negative feedback from those who worship those who reproduce and "something's wrong" with women who don't. I was given to the state for custody before I was born in 1955, certified bastard (no daddy name on the birth certificate), given to the Medical College to be used for experimental orthopedic surgeries and left a cripple. She should have aborted me.
Eiram 3 years ago (edited)
I have a friend who was placed in foster care and used for experimental drug testing. Poor guy has all kinds of medical problems... but as an adult he chanced getting to know his mother and they are friends right now. It was a road not many could take after that kind of childhood.
Load More Replies...
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