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You get into an argument with someone, the two of you are going at each other back and forth, and they get you so riled up that you suddenly can't think of a good comeback. Until you're taking a shower two years later.
There's actually a French term for this called l'esprit de l'escalier. It describes the feeling you get when you come up with the perfect reply after the fact.
We've all been there. It's devastating.
So let's take a moment and pay our respects to the people who can, in fact, deliver the goods on the spot. Taken from the appropriately titled subreddit r/MurderedByWords, here are some of the best ways to end a disagreement.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Australians Are Easily Offended
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Witty comebacks can not be planned. They are made in the moment. In a heated argument, timing is everything and that means your answer must be as fast as the words that surprised you. But somewhat counterintuitively, the key to coming up with a winning retort is to hone your listening skills.
According to Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, people think faster than others speak, giving the listener "extra time" to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.
Consider this: how many times have you been on a conference call and already had an idea to share, an answer to a question or a solution to a problem before the person on the line has even finished his sentence? The same listening skills and thought processes apply when a conversation turns sour and you need to defend yourself.
#3
What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?
#4
Yeah Homie
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago (edited)
If two kids are playing and one has a stick( knowing sticks have the ability to be dangerous), don't you take the stick. If you give them both sticks, something bad will happen. Same with guns
#5
A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago (edited)
Preach sister. That's the sanest thing I've heard all day. Good for you
The question is how to refocus that extra time you have while you're listening.
"Most of us don't listen to the whole message, we are just waiting to make our own points. There is no magic bullet to getting better at listening besides practice," Paul, who teaches improvisation theatre techniques, told the BBC.
One strategy to perfect your listening skills is through a simple game of one-word volleyball, where two people build a story by rapidly taking turns to add a word to what the other said immediately before. The game forces you to listen actively and respond spontaneously.
#6
First Knees, Then Ankles
#7
Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait
#8
Nope, Not Benny Boy
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Feminism is doing what you want. Not whining about foetuses you don't plan to help raise. So tell the patriarchy were coming for it next.
#9
Fatality, Fatality
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
I'm a man, and I've loved fruity drinks since 1997. Since when has fruit been a problem?
"The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul explained.
In the case of snide remarks, if you know your colleague has a tendency to make them, train your brain to listen to his or her words carefully and be prepared to quickly defuse the situation. "You take away the control factor," she said.
#10
Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
In that case we can take care of those pro lifers* loads water gun of grape juice* since none of them are civil
#11
So Simple
#12
No, No. He's Got A Point
#13
Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier
If a colleague tells you, "Oh that’s real smart," Paul says she might try responding with this: "Thanks. I don't always receive praise for my intelligence."
Or "That’s the best you can do?" But you can also try: "I'm afraid so. Where do we go from here?"
#14
Don't Be That Guy
Djennie 3 years ago
As well as creepy this would be mostly ineffective. Most of us have a specific number we use so we don’t get caught out on it. I used to use the number of an ex boss of mine who was a gross sexist creep. I figured they could flock together.
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
These incels are getting organized. Time to take over the world, ladies. I'll get my guillotine
Notyomama 3 years ago
It is so scary that they are allowed to congregate and push their agenda. It's like all those white supremacy groups that are growing in numbers. Ugh!
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Abner_Mality 3 years ago
Had a housemate who would give out the number for the local police station to anyone hitting on her...
The Moop Of Venice 3 years ago
How insecure are you that you think someone gave you an incorrect number
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago (edited)
If a I gives you a fake number, you better leave before you end up on Investigative Murders
Autistic apricot 3 years ago
There is a rejection hotline number and when they call it says lots of things (lemme Google it)
Christina Rosetti 3 years ago
Yes, and there was one for every area code, it was brilliant!
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Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
If you think a woman has given you a fake number go and take a good hard look at yourself to work out why she felt she couldn't just say 'I'm really flattered, but I'm not interested, thanks though".
Jerry Ryan 3 years ago
I worked with a 17 year old casher she got feed up with 45 plus year men(I use the word men loosely b/c they're male but not true men)asking for her number.so she started writing stuff like eat s**t and die.the one actually unfolded the paper to read it front of her(the look on that prevert's face was priceless)
Ben Whiting 3 years ago
I do this exact thing, not because I think they gave me a wrong number but just to gauge how much they actually care and want my number, sometimes they just give it in the moment and don't actually want to do anything or talk to me so if they don't correct it then I can know not wast either of our time
Cass Malone 3 years ago
I'd give my man's number so you won't catch me giving you an invalid number
Panda-riffic 3 years ago
One of the few times I'm glad I'm an old lady and don't have to deal with this kind of garbage. Terrible!
Robin Roper 3 years ago
When single, I had "fake" number I'd give out, it was the number of the local animal shelter.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
And if they say "yep...that's it!" It means they find you creepy and want you to L-E-A-V-E!
Mary August 3 years ago
When I was dating I had a prepaid number I used just for dating. Only guy I ever gave my real number is my current husband.
ButFirstCoffee 3 years ago
Or give them rejection numbers: https://www.bustle.com/life/rejection-hotline-numbers
Al B. Wright 3 years ago
To be fair and balanced, there's a bit of a lack of context here. OP doesn't specifically state this is to do with dating, it could be to do with sales tactics. Person replying it making a massive assumption unless there were other posts we can see that support it.
Remi (He/Him) 3 years ago
You would think so, but it really doesn't on some guys
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Better thought: recognize that women often have to do this to de-escalate and get a creep to leave us alone because y'all don't take "no" for an answer. Go tell your friends, son.
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Tracy 3 years ago
Sometimes people are worried about the consequences of saying they're not interested. And sometimes that answer isn't respected anyway. That's why people give fake numbers.
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#15
Greatest Country In The World!
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
In parts of Africa we have harmattan. In the US you have " thousand are killed by a reckless government who is more like a corporation than a government" season. I'll take chapped lips over bullets in geometry any day
#16
I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers
#17
Preacher Speaking God's Word
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
Ugh, I'm honestly so tired of these nutters coming in here and shoving their religion in our faces.
Another idea is to try and forget your pride and raise the status of the other person. "Status" used in this sense comes from the rules of improvisation theatre, where you have to make your stage partner look good.
Let's say a manager or colleague takes a swipe at you repeatedly. Paul suggests the "status move," which is best conveyed in tone of voice.
#18
They Always Forget About That Part
Kayjunmoon 3 years ago (edited)
More humans to work multi jobs for less than minimum wage and live in misery without healthcare paid for. Maybe bring back child labour and really stop the rot of human rights. Next on the list stop women having property rights. In for a penny etc.
#19
Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago (edited)
You don't have to be part of the people to want rights for them, you selfish clodhopper
#20
They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Guilting people into staying at work? Tsk tsk, I expected better, capitalism
#21
Louder With Dumbass
"You could respond to 'Would you suggest something better?' with 'Well, I see you've got some great ideas already, but I think we could perhaps make the whole thing work even better,'" said Paul.
"Of course, with the wrong tone, they would all come out nasty. It's not really about the text, so much as it is the tone."
#23
She Works At Mcdonalds
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
The Hunger Games was meant to inspire us...so let's let it. The elites must pay...us for our efforts
#24
Economics Are Hard
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Minimum wage won't cause inflation. Capitalist greed causes inflation. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
#25
I Think He Just Did
There’s something to be said for killing someone with kindness and often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate, and most importantly, positive.
According to Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant who once worked with a condescending manager, when banter turns toxic, it kills all ideas in the office. Even worse, it leaves a negative drag on other people's energy and tears teams apart.
#26
She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It
Random Panda 3 years ago (edited)
Everyone should be allowed to wear whatever they want whenever they want but the world is judgemental and so they criticise people just because of their clothing. People reading this, know that your body is your choice and you can wear whatever you want anytime. Feel free to express yourself, but please never judge people just because of their clothing.
#27
Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected
#28
That's Because Australia Isn't Real
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
The Bible is actually dated back to the HUMAN THAT WROTE IT. Moron, I tell thee!!
#29
Her Go To Work A**
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
Maybe you should stop taking photos of this poor woman doing her job. What a pervert.
When a negative comment is made in a work setting — where, hopefully, everyone wants to see projects succeed and keep their jobs — those comments usually come from a place of insecurity.
For example, a colleague may be unsure how to approach a particular task — he may believe that throwing the attention back to somebody else with a negative retort will remove the focus from his (real or perceived) ineptitude.
#30
Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video
#31
Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Science teachers need awards for how many of these morons they can educate
#32
Completely And Totally Unnecessary
Charlotte A. 3 years ago
People who only consider their own survival from illness are both selfish and stupid. The point of vaccination is never for one specific individual to die or survive but to make sure a greater number total survives (and then there's all the people who won't have to live with whatever other issues the diseases might leave behind, like infertility, blindness, chronic fatigue and so on).
#33
Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability
Positive comments are generally a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and negative interactions quickly cease. If a colleague says, "this project is going nowhere fast," you could say, "at least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction."
In fact, according to Raffy, positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses, and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one, where everyone’s opinion matters.
#34
How Do Pronouns Work
#35
Correlation ≠ Causation
#36
No Statute Of Limitations On Murder
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
I'm just waiting for these pro lifers to have a loved one with a incompetent womb and no way to survive a pregnancy and see how they handle it
#37
Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About
Random Panda 3 years ago
Nothing burns more than the person you talked about actually confirming its not true
Negative comments, however, do the opposite. "They increase tension, make a person feel excluded or inferior, and as though they are not in the 'in group' which is in the know," she pointed out.
Raffy recommends trying to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation," without making the antagonist into the villain. It's much better to turn them into the "victim" of the absurd circumstances instead.
#38
Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With
Impetus 3 years ago
As someone who got in trouble in 7th grade after a boy followed her into the bathroom because I was "annoying" him with my bubble necklace (he kicked me, in the girls' bathroom, but he was a good boy and that couldn't have been his fault) I find it very depressing that this is still where we are. And incidentally, I think any trans ladies I've shared a bathroom with would've helped me kick his a*s.
#39
Languages Are Fun!
#41
The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen
"The best retorts speakthe truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," Paul said. "That's generally what makes us laugh."
And usually, that's the end goal of a witty comeback — to get people to laugh. A shared laugh is a great way to reduce tension. Of course, the "rules" for online banter are a bit different and you generally have more time to work with, but most of these principles still apply.
#42
“Owning The Libs”
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Who do you think want your shiny, eco friendly, no need for oil or oil companies car
#43
Seriously? Ireland?!
#44
Win-Win Situation
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
How pathetic. Just stop putting the rest of us in danger with your antivax b******t, ok??
#45
Meet My Friend, Terry
#46
Lemon Squeezy!
Impetus 3 years ago
It is a common thing for wealthy people to believe poor people "just don't want to work". If you're the sort of person who might feel bad that you have eight cars and four houses while some people are struggling to feed their children, this helps you feel better about it without actually having to acknowledge that you got lucky and other people didn't.
#47
God Has Nothing To Do With It
#48
You Do You
#49
Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative
troufaki13 3 years ago
Even if she was Egyptian, she still wouldn't be black, she would be tan. Americans need to understand that not all Africans are black and not all black people are African Americans.
#50
Bro Hit Him With The Receipt
#51
A Simple Truth
#52
Well, In His Defense, He's An Idiot
#53
Play Stupid Games
#54
He's A Bit Of A Crybaby
#55
Stop Spending, And Spending
#56
An Athenian Smackdown
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
This is dumb. Just because he looks like he was sculpted by angels doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy discussing Plato
#57
Yes, Kids! Ask Me How!
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Electric car? With what electricity prices going up. Get a bicycle from 1846, you entitled shlucks. ( Sarcasm)
#58
Vaccines Cause Autism
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
The government also mandates you pay your damn taxes. Don't see riots about that
#59
Sue Woke Up And Chose Violence
#60
It'd Really Be A Shame If They Didn't
#61
Taxation Is Theft
Laugh or not 3 years ago
Don't insult cats, please. They domesticated us, not the other way around.
#62
Say It Louder!
Ranger Kanootsen 3 years ago
The Founding Fathers, who... broke the laws the monarchy forced on them and fought a big bloody war. Yup, definitely a violent riot!
#63
Now Wait Just A Goddamn Minute
AndThenICommented 3 years ago (edited)
Yep. That is the world we live. Remember when we thought knowledge and transparency would be our key to utopia? That the court of public opinion would influence companies to do the right thing? That the ‘market’ would keep large corporations in check and we’d all reap the benefits? Oh man, 🤦🏽♀️
#64
No One Wants To Work!
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
The bar for employers is a tripping hazard in hell and they still think digging under is impressive
#65
Double Standards, Everyone
#66
The British Sure Did That Well
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Searched the whole world for spices just to complain about the cultures that had the spices
#67
Of Course She Knows That!
Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago
Wierd calling immigrants fleeing gun violence caused by American gun dealers arming gangs, illegals . Please tell me, who told you pilgrim you were welcomed on native soil
#68
Elon Can Be So Forgetful Sometimes
#69
If We Could Reddit From Peloton, We Could Help Save Them
#70
Never Thought I'd Side With Kim
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What do you think ?
Brian bell 3 years ago
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
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LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
Dandelion Girl 3 years ago
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
Merlin Oddog 3 years ago
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Tamra 3 years ago
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
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Random Anon 3 years ago
I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
Joyce Blodgett 2 years ago
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
Brian bell 3 years ago
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
Load More Replies... LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
Dandelion Girl 3 years ago
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
Merlin Oddog 3 years ago
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Tamra 3 years ago
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
Load More Replies... Random Anon 3 years ago
I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
Joyce Blodgett 2 years ago
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
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