50 Of The Most Brilliant Comebacks Ever Screenshotted, As Shared On The ‘Clever Comebacks’ Twitter Page (New Pics)

#2

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

900points

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waddles 3 years ago

what if you’re a disabled werewolf

275points

#3

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

874points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

I mean Britain in a sentence tbh

173points

In a previous interview, Bored Panda spoke with Abigail Paul, an actress, standup comedian and improviser who has been giving seminars on incorporating theatre techniques for purposes beyond the stage to schools, businesses and organizations.

Abigail argues that the secret to any comeback is connection. “If you are really listening to (and connecting with) another person, you are taking them in fully, aware of who they are, the context in which you are dealing with this person,” she said.

#4

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

862points

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N Miller 3 years ago

Ugh, obnoxious hateful b*tch. Has she not crawled back under her rock yet. Could've done with her name being censored - the less air time this oxygen thief is given the better

54points

#5

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

816points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

if the shoes are long enough that takes care of social distancing

277points

#6

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

809points

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TooTall 3 years ago

They forgot to mention the historical forcing conversion to Atheism through torture and/or being killed...

25points

Moreover, according to the comedian, people do this assessment unconsciously. In fact, we aren't even always aware that we are always sizing up other people. “This is too often because we are so focused on ourselves.” A great comeback feels great because it was earned, Abigail argues. “It was spontaneous. The commenter was probably really listening. It was unique to that moment, set of people, situation,” she told us some time ago.

#7

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

807points

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Hotdogking 3 years ago

Yeah, that’s because we’re so.... I can’t be bothered to finish that sentence 🥱😴

18points

#8

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

801points

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Jaaawn 3 years ago

Members of the Church of Satan are some of the most charitable and humane people around! It's only feared because of the name.

330points

#9

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

799points

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waddles 3 years ago (edited)

i think he’s hacking the ENTIRE system

188points

One of the biggest challenges in saying a comeback is making sure it doesn’t sound mean. But Abigail reminds us that a comeback is not a clapback. The latter one “is generally sarcastic, but a clapback might be fun among friends.”

At the same time, the context of a situation always matters. “In working on status exercises in improv, we try to get people to see that the easiest way to raise another person's status is to lower their own. We see that in standup comedy too. Usually it works best if the comic is the butt of the joke, not the audience. (There are plenty of exceptions.)”

#10

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

771points

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girlsrock4ever 3 years ago

And also, expecting them to be happy is first of all sexist, and also dumb because how would they be happy when so many problems plague femalekind, like pink tax, groping, jerks like this guy, etc. Today in my bus some guy apparently pulled up the shirt of & touched this girl in her private parts. That girl is a 4th grader, and that guy is that age or younger! (my school goes from Nursery to 12th grade).

25points

#11

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

756points

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Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago (edited)

Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna potate. Karens gonna talk to a lawyer about suing an underage child. Something tells me there's more than just hairstyle why kids call that karen, karen.

36points

#12

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

753points

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Paulo Freitas 3 years ago

Lol, apply líquid nitrogen to the calcinated área....

166points

While you don’t need to be too self-effacing for a good comeback, if it can lift other people up, the job is done. “When it works well and gains the speaker a laugh and cements the bond that says, we are in this together,” Abigail explained.

While comebacks can be used as an excellent communication tool, listening skills are the most important thing. “Paying attention, making accurate observations about the people in the room, and how they feel—these are the tools that will make a comeback really shine,” Abigail explained.

#13

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

748points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

sorry that's too big a number for Timmy to handle

12points

#14

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

745points

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

Jenni is going places and she has my vote. What a gutsy intelligent young lady.

375points

#15

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

742points

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Hotdogking 3 years ago

My granddad died of Parkinson’s so it would be a slap in the face for me if a cure is discovered now

407points

keighterz 3 years ago

This is such a solid analogy, I legit never thought of it this way. Love it!

44points

Dead Rat 3 years ago

Today I read there was a huge breakthrough for the treatment of altzheimer's . I lost a parent from early onset of this horrible disease. Today my heart was filled with joy with the thought we are reaching the day that no other family will experience the horror of this devastating illness

8points

Yuffa Kinazzo 3 years ago

If some brilliant president said he would cure my granpappys Parkinson's I would vote for him. How spot on is that analogy? It can't happen. I'd have been tricked. Then upset. Then vote for him again.

7points

Bryan W. 3 years ago

It's not a cure tho... It's a bailout. People in the future will have the same problem. The cure would be if college wasn't stupid expensive to begin with.

6points

Elizabeth Anderson 3 years ago

Yes. Imagine if we cured cancer, what an insult that would be to everyone who ever went through it.

6points

Teresa Spanics 3 years ago

Please accept my deepest condolences.

3points

raincloud the whalien 2 years ago

My condolences, same happened to me. I hope you got a lot of good time with him ❤

2points

ReginaC 2 years ago

Hotdogking you are my hero!!♥️

1point

DrGirlfriend 3 years ago

This is awesome, thank you;;;

1point

George Comas 3 years ago

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Kat Hoth 3 years ago

People who want other people to suffer "because the way I did it" was hard are beyond my comprehension.

31points

BeepBeepBoopBoop 3 years ago

it's so annoying! Why would anyone think like that? "*I* had to pay back my student loans, so THEY should too! It's unfair! " like tf?

5points

RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago

I joined the military to pay for college, and I am all for canceling student debt. Better yet, let's make public 4-year institutions free. But I am also selfish, because I have children, and I don't want them to join the military. I have been putting money away every month into a 529 account since they were born. So for my son who is now looking at Universities, I think I have saved enough for his first semester.. books. College in the US is too expensive. And we're asking young people to start their lives in a situation of indentured servitude. It's as massively insane as our healthcare policies.

19points

Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago

Thank f**k I live in Scotland and where my kids education is free until their first degree - I'd be heartbroken knowing they had to put themselves through any of that just to get the education they wanted

16points

RajunCajun 3 years ago

I wish it was just for education. I joined because I needed to find a job.

4points

Suzanne Tilson 3 years ago

I thought the whole point of progress is to make life better for everyone else, even if it was bad for us.

11points

Cyber Returns 3 years ago

I got slapped in the face. If I had ducked, then she would have missed. That was a real slap in the face for me

8points

Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago

She joined the military, but her attitude didn't.

7points

laura edwards 3 years ago

I joined the military, got the worst GI bill ever. It discriminated against women. I also got terrible PTSD. 0/10 stars. I also had to fight the VA for twenty years to get compensation.

5points

The Hairy Wardog 3 years ago

Sorry battle, from one vet yo another if you need to chat or vent send me a message, we are here for you.

3points

Ladyandthetramp 3 years ago

Seriously though

5points

Kat Min 3 years ago

'We can never ever improve on anything, because it would be a slap in the face to the people who didn't experience it before' Right, so no more adavancements of any kind, gotcha.

3points

Okatango 3 years ago

In most civilized countries education is either already paid outright or heavily subsidized out of the public purse, or ensure loan rates are kept very low. Many also cover living expenses: Why would a country not invest in its young?

3points

Rostit . 3 years ago

My grandpa died of cancer so no one ever better have a cure for cancer! /s

3points

MK86 3 years ago

I'm a breast cancer survivor (just recently), it would be a slap in the face if someone found the cure for it. /s.

2points

Stealthzilla 3 years ago

The military isn’t all battles though…

2points

Stephanie Ladd 3 years ago

It's like if I said since I'm a widow nobody should be allowed to have a mappy marriage. Just because I suffered it doesn't mean I would want others to. Quite the opposite actually, I wouldn't wish what we went through on anyone.

1point

Stephanie Ladd 3 years ago

I'd like to add that if you're feeling suicidal please talk to someone. Depression lies to you, tells you that nobody cares, you're unlovable, everyone you love would be better off if you were gone. It's not true. None of it. There are people who love you. Who's lives would never be the same if you were gone one day. People who would never get over it, that would ask themselves constantly what they could have done to possibly help. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things can get better. After his death I finally went on antidepressants and I feel better now, in my mid thirties, than I ever did before (mentally I mean) and I'm a little mad at myself for waiting so long to ask for help. You can do it too, you can talk to a doctor you can see a therapist or a psych. You can feel better. You can get better.

1point

Helen Taylor 3 years ago

I worked my way through college. I had $300 in no debt when I graduated. And I also rented rooms for $50, pay my school fees and books in the hundreds of dollars, paid about $10-$15 a week for food, and I’m certainly not going to begrudge people the help that they need to get an education in this day and age. You only risked your life for a free education, you decided everyone should do the same or face a lifetime of debt.

1point

Kelly Hartle 3 years ago

When did patriotism become "I got mine--forget you"?

1point

Melissa Hamed 2 years ago

I think it's a slap in the face to me that because I went to school so long ago and ended up poor and homeless for a while that my student debt cannot be canceled. I agree with spanky though. That was your choice. Things happen after you things you do that have nothing to do with you.

0points

axle f 2 years ago (edited)

tthe world changed, the game changed. any game. what a slap in the face to me, poor me...

0points

Thomas Ewing 3 years ago

Joining the military does not mean endangering yourself. There are opportunities to serve that don't require hurting anyone. Talk to a recruiter.

0points

Praecordia 3 years ago

Imagine a world where conditioning wasn’t a thing?

0points

Rebecca Surette 3 years ago

And here I thought that the point of most of what we do is to make things better for those coming along after us...GOD, I'M NAIVE!

0points

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

Ouch

0points

Trophy Husband 3 years ago

To be fair, Biden isn't offering free college, he's just choosing to use taxpayer money to pay back the private debts of people who happen to have a specific type of debt at this moment. I had this sent, but paid it off, but I don't get any. I know someone who couldn't afford college and so never went, that person doesn't get any. I know someone who makes enough money that he could have easily paid off his debts by now, but chose to invest the money instead, and it's now retired at 40 because he made so much money, and he gets $10,000 for free. I am literally being forced to pay part of that money he is getting and I have 3 mortgages and 16 credit cards. Biden isn't the worst president we ever had, but that's only because the bar has been set so low...

0points

BOTW PANDA 3 years ago

Not all people wanna kill people, ya know.

0points

FlatEarf 3 years ago

Not all people have to kill people, ya know.

-3points

David H 3 years ago

I went to a public college that is today only $7,100 for a full academic year (a little less when I was there about 12 years ago), and anyone whose family in my state earns under 120k a year gets partial to full tuition covered on a sliding scale. Me, and a lot of my fellow grads of that place could have gone to those other places, but we chose the affordable option not the 50k a year option. My view is, your student debt is your choice, based off of where you chose to go, and you were an adult who signed the loans. I think if you went to a place that charged more than 20k a year, you should not be eligible for any sort of student loan bailout because you made the choice for the expensive option. Live with your choices, no one said you had to go to a 50k a year place over the 10k a year one for the same quality education. Your choice, you live with it

-1point

WoodenLion 3 years ago

as far as to entering a contract you have a very slim chance of paying off for an 18 year old is not "an adult signing papers". although i would have disagreed when i was 18, they don't have a f*****g clue what they are signing.

5points

Aisling Raye 3 years ago

I mean, only $20,000 of student loan forgiveness is available to any given individual, and it's only on federally held loans, and you'd have to be making less than $125,000/yr to qualify. There really isn't much of a "they're getting more than me *wah*" argument to be made. Using your #s, that's $21,400 total tuition for a bachelors degree (not including textbooks, parking pass, housing, meals etc) if you finish in 4 years. As long as you're both making less than $125,000/yr, you'd get the same $20,000 of federal loans forgiven as someone that borrowed $200,000 for 4 years. All that means is that you'd be left with $1,400 to repay and they'd have $180,000 to repay. Yes, the other person chose a more expensive option but they're also repaying more. I'm not sure how you feel that is a personal attack on you. (Adding here that I have degrees from both a public and a private university. There is definitely a difference in the quality of education between between the two)

5points

RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago

The cheapest public college in my state is $17,000/year. And the state has no benefits for those making under 120K. Also, it's not close to my house, so my kids would need to get a dorm, which is an added cost of $22,500/year. I'm glad things worked out for you, but you are not the only person and your state isn't the only state in the United States. When I went to college 25 years ago, it was $6,000/year. And we live in the place where there is work, life isn't as simple as you would like to pretend it is.

2points

MK86 3 years ago

Local community College near me charges almost $13,000 a semester. I'm getting charged a $2,000 Out of State fee despite living in this state for 2 years already. I had to fight them on staying in the dorms because they required all incoming freshman to stay on campus. That would have been another $8,000. Then $50 a month for a meal plan. Each semester is 3 months because they do short semester. It comes out to $23,150 and that's not including the books and the extra fees some teachers charge for teaching that class. Why am I at this school? Because it's the closest at 4 hours drive and the closest that has the major that I need. My brother goes to the local community College in our hometown and he pays just about the same, minus the $8000 for the dorms and the $2,000 for out of state fee.

0points

bill marsano 3 years ago

She found a way to deal with a problem. You, on the other hand, have not made a convincing argument for other people having to pay your debts.

-2points

Pieter LeGrande 3 years ago

Logically, if everyone joined the military then the government would pay for everyone's education. Military spending would skyrocket - taxes up big time. Can we sue the government if refused military service because of missing out on free education?

-2points

Shelley Dawson 3 years ago

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Wackford Squeers 3 years ago

Somewhat ironic, the way you presume to judge the respondent while whinging about how judgemental he is.

3points

Whucares? 3 years ago

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Lilygirl 3 years ago

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Nerf Hofnagle 3 years ago

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Scott Rackley 3 years ago

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Vishy 3 years ago

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Timmy Pillinger 3 years ago

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Poeha 3 years ago (edited)

Wut? He's Dutch, so I doubt it. Christians are scarse here, but the taking care of the poor in Holland is based on the Bible originally.

3points

#16

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

714points

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N Miller 3 years ago

"Okayden" slays me every time

391points

#17

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

705points

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Rowlie 3 years ago

These brands are like a pets fast food- it tastes great so pets love it but there is no real nutrition value.

162points

#18

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

692points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

certainly played a part in my communism love story comrade

134points

#19

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

674points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

the burn department has been overrun today

193points

#20

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

674points

POST

waddles 3 years ago

the dishwasher is a scary thing, nearly as terrifying as the microwave

212points

#21

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

670points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

Imagine if no one could have guns full stop. Then I feel like this wouldn't really be a problem

23points

#22

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

664points

POST

waddles 3 years ago

literally a f*****g apple

170points

#23

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

642points

POST

thatlesbiantacocat 3 years ago

Damn

132points

#24

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

639points

POST

Brendan 3 years ago

Ouch!!!

159points

#25

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

632points

POST

Marleinah Smith 3 years ago

True beauty comes from the inside. This new gf must be a better person than the ex.

135points

#26

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

607points

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indiecognition 3 years ago

Plus that would be awful to sleep in

277points

#27

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

601points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

and PASSPORTS! EVERY COUNTRY YOU'VE BEEN TO HAD THOSE!! THE HORRORR

185points

#28

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

598points

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Minna 3 years ago

Aaah the good old myth about how you can check a woman’s virginity, thought we had come further than this 😴

40points

#29

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

595points

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thatlesbiantacocat 3 years ago

Yeah, move

91points

#30

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

587points

POST

Paulo Freitas 3 years ago

Now thats a funny pitch lol.

222points

#31

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

584points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

well it involves a time machine, some ballpoint pens and a whole lot of dumplings. Who's with me?

185points

#32

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

584points

POST

Hotdogking 3 years ago

CEOs: what is this thing you call a “living wage”

158points

#33

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

571points

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waddles 3 years ago

i don’t know what my body is but it has a lot of cat hair

333points

#34

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

562points

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Looks 3 years ago

Gotta appreciate the honesty

264points

#35

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

553points

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thatlesbiantacocat 3 years ago

That's crazy

69points

#36

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

527points

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Hotdogking 3 years ago

Still cracks me up no matter how many times I read it

157points

#37

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

497points

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James016 3 years ago

What did the Romans ever do for us?

103points

#38

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

489points

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waddles 3 years ago

through the ROOF like a REAL man

249points

#39

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

482points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

EXACTLY SHE'S NOT GOING TO TRADE THE LITERAL BEST SURNAME

19points

#40

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

476points

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Hotdogking 3 years ago

Or when anti-vaxxers tweet that they’re pro-life!...... too soon?

209points

#41

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

457points

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TyrantrumGogoat 3 years ago

20,000, jeez! That's some commitment!

132points

#42

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

432points

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Autistic apricot 3 years ago (edited)

I get so mad at this, if the rest of the clothes turned back, why didn’t the shoe? And also if the shoe didn’t turn back when it fell off, why didn’t she take off other things so they would stay?

172points

#43

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

432points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

do. not. put. the. salmon. in. the. wet. towels. and. then. the. microwave.

146points

#44

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

427points

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Lace Neil 3 years ago

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants! Who died in the oil spill caused by BP?

218points

#45

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

423points

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waddles 3 years ago

that the 37 years i took training a cat army were put to good use?

153points

#46

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

420points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

young lady that water is practically translucent

101points

#47

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

420points

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Autistic apricot 3 years ago

Wait that makes sense

132points

#48

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

416points

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Brendan 3 years ago

Who wrote that headline? Cromwell?

114points

#49

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

407points

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Headless Roach 3 years ago

That's a powerful comeback, alright

94points

#50

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Final score:

372points

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waddles 3 years ago

did the pandemic teach you NOTHING

158points

#51

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

137points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

ssshhh the brackets are confusing him

64points

#52

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

135points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

I mean considering people die for worthless causes I might call it a loss.

54points

#53

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

130points

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Anna Ekberg 3 years ago

Ha! Loved this one seriously though I hope she burns in hell.

37points

#54

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

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125points

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indiecognition 3 years ago

Does it matter if a mind is changed when it never gets used anyway?

49points

#55

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

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122points

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Alison Rafter Sorensen 3 years ago

Brilliant!

9points

#56

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

115points

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Brendan 3 years ago

"Hey tree, you OAKay? WOOD you care to LEAF with me FIR a drink"

10points

#57

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

113points

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River Webb 3 years ago

or randomly growling/hissing

53points

#58

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

113points

POST

Mrs.Pugh 3 years ago

Is this phub?

3points

#59

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

109points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

THE MILITARY RUNS ON THE SHEER FREEDOM OF MURICA

78points

#60

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

108points

POST

The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

we need to rise up against Walt Disney

37points

#61

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

106points

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N Miller 3 years ago

The person asking the question also has no idea that Musk isn't an inventor, but an investor. That wealth grows over time and get-rich-quick schemes are 99% scams. They probably believe in pulling oneself up by the bootstraps and the American Dream is still attainable. Bless 'em

31points

#62

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

101points

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censorshipsucks 3 years ago

personally I'd feel safer as an african with their tyres gone. At least I won't get shot for walking in the street.

29points

#63

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

101points

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The lesbian knitting panda 3 years ago

I mean... It was an effective move by the PR department

36points

#64

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

101points

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Tamra 3 years ago

The right absolutely chooses violence, but in subversive ways. Curtailing women's rights over their own bodies, resulting in more deaths from botched abortions; anti-LGBTQ rhetoric resulting in more violence against that group; steadfastly against gun control...need I go on?

11points

#65

Funny-Clever-Comebacks-Tweets

Final score:

101points

POST

cadena kuhn 3 years ago

I once took a book to a bar. Bf and his friend wanted to go play pool. I wasn't playing so I brought my book. A guy came over and grabbed my book saying he needed to know what was so interesting I was reading it in a bar

9points