No matter what serious business everyone may try to make of it, the Christmas holidays are one big comedy reality show that airs in multiple households across the world all at once. Think of all the family drama, cursed topics at the dinner table, never-ending cocktail refills, painful gift exchanges where everyone pretends to love a Christmas sweater for 3 years in a row... do I really need to keep going?
But the more hilarity ensues in our Christmas-spirited homes, the more material it gives for hilarious tweets that surf around social media, making everyone sigh, cringe, relate, and laugh their hearts out.
So since we’re one step into the blessed comical chaos, Bored Panda has compiled a list full of the funniest tweets about Christmas. And even though we're not coming together this year due to the pandemic, the comical vibes of it all aren’t going anywhere.
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Yes, and it was only through manipulation and brainwashing he came to conform.
What manipulation? The Whovians were the sweetest beings imaginable.
Load More Replies...He was rejected by everyone because he was ugly and the wrong color. It's really relatable.
At least in the newer version we know he cared about his dog. In the old one he's just evil
He really only hated the commercialization of Christmas. I totally understand!
I'm not sure if they actually forget it or if they never outgrow the wonder of it.
...worse when it's your children and you're trying to use mental telepathy : please please lie and say you like it....
Use physical telepathy before the gift-opening. Talk to them. :)
Load More Replies...In the '90's I was a teen and fully into grunge and skater guys. One of my grandmothers would give me prissy clothes every year that never got worn and my other grandmother sold Avon so I got tons of makeup. To this day I don't wear makeup.
My family says I'm hard to buy for but you can buy wine so many places!
This Christmas is going to be different for all of us. And since we are one step away from one of the most awaited celebrations of the year, one should not forget that we live in unprecedented times of pandemic that put our usual traditions on hold.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns against gatherings with family and friends who do not live with you as they “can increase the chances of getting or spreading COVID-19 or the flu.”
As an alternative to face-to-face greetings and Christmas dinners, the CDC recommends “celebrating virtually or with members of your own household (who are consistently taking measures to reduce the spread of COVID-19)” and adds that this approach “poses the lowest risk for spread.”
Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love 💞
That's super cool, but, is anyone else as concerned by the location of the tree stand?
Not until I knock myself out when I walk into it....
Load More Replies...Dr Who? This is the video game portal. Nothing to do with Dr Who. (Lol that rhymes.)
Load More Replies...Is this 'through' a wall between rooms....or half in one house, half in another like a wormhole???
That would be so cool for households separated by the pandemic! Both looking at the same tree!
Load More Replies...Many countries across the world are currently implementing stricter quarantine rules as the Covid-19 cases continue to soar at an alarming pace. For example, in the Netherlands, the second lockdown of at least five weeks will start on Tuesday. Sweden, which resisted national lockdowns, implements their strictest restrictions so far on Friday. A hard lockdown with non-essential shops closing nationwide will also start in Germany this Wednesday and will continue throughout the holidays. Italy is now reported as the latest European country to go into lockdown.
Meanwhile, the UK reported a record new 35,928 Covid-19 infections yesterday, which makes it the highest-ever increase in a single day. The British government has divided the country into local restriction tiers based on epidemiological indicators in a bid to curb the soaring number of new cases.
If the ghosts don't do the job this year, may I suggest we do it ourselves?
i could think of a few billionaires who need to pull their weight and throw some dough at poverty, housing, famine, vaccinations, and a host of other causes. ghosts? sure, let's use whatever. i'm not wanting to impoverish them--mind you. but when jeff b buys the most expensive house sold in x years in beverly hills for what would amount to me spending $60, yeah... he can stand to part with a bit to build houses in haiti or something.
(asks nervously)......but,what exactly do you do with all the heads?
How do you get your cookies to maintain their shape while baking? Every time I use cookie cutters, I just wind up with blobs.
I mean there's Christmas in every movie sooo...
Load More Replies...So if Harry Potter had partnered up with John McClane they both could have ended their problems much more quickly.
With enough Christmas decoration anything can be a Christmas tree 😁
Load More Replies...I do to, and I don't know if that is a bad thing or not.
Load More Replies...Agreed! What's the hold up? Throw the good boi an orange ball!
Load More Replies...OMG someone else with a dog who likes oranges! I thought my weirdo was the only one. He waits for my dad to peel them (it's never done fast enough for his royal floofiness) and then wolfs down the slices as they're handed for him.
Load More Replies...Close the lid on the candy box. My father's dog died of intestinal obstruction before anyone figured out that it was due to about one hundred candy wrappers.
Well - just think how crazy it'd be if you celebrated all the East-Asian holidays -... we have mandarins EVERYWHERE... **all. the. time**
Former Soviet Union gal here - mandarins ARE the iconic holiday fruit!
Load More Replies...You'd better hope Charlie doesn't eat the chocolates when you're not looking, because he'll be too dead to catch balls.
It’s a European thing, and they brought it to the US. Common during the depression, oranges were hard to come by, and you would find them in your stocking. It represents abundance, and during the winter, it’s a treat. In my family anyway
Load More Replies...Such a horrible movie. The point of the story is that it is ok to bully, unless they're useful to you.
Read a story in 2nd grade where the bullied ugly bird saves all the mean chickens from the fox and they all apologize and want to be his friends now and he basically tells the to f#@% off. Defined my life.
Load More Replies...Santa joined the bullying. I always felt that Rudolph should have lead them into that fog and left them there. See ya suckers! (I'm working on my revengeful tendencies)
Exactly, since he doesn't give any presents to the reindeer.
Load More Replies...Santa is like a teacher : he knows what happens, he could stop it easily, but he does not. Bet he is on his own naughty list.
Me and my brother two years ago - we already started laughing before we unwrapped, because it was so obvious :-D (A 'notes of Berlin' calendar)
I guess if you wrap enough of it around the present it won't be THAT see-through 😂
hahahaha this is awesome... * hand's present wrapped in cellophane* "You're NEVER gonna guess what I got you!"
This is where... you make the best of it. You use newspaper, then when you wrap cellophane around it... and tie it with ribbon/twine - and suddenly it looks fancy.
Yep, i made this mistake, too. But wrapped the presents in aluminium foil and then in cellophane.
Load More Replies...As a person who owns a lot of unprotected books, I know it is actually a very useful present.
Use aluminum foil . . . silver, cheap, and it keeps everything fresh!
Don't forget "There's something weird going on with my computer... You can fix it right?"
Well if you have to repeatedly show them then it falls back on you. You are not demonstrating in a way that they understand. You are either doing it for them, talking too quickly, or making them feel foolish because they don't understand what you have explained poorly. WRITE DOWN EVERY STEP. Your parents didn't give up on you,. They supported you when you were learning to tie your shoes laces, read a clock face, drive a car, do whatever, until you were able to do it on your own. If it is something they don't do all the time showing them once is pointless. Better still. give them a gift voucher/pay for an adult computer learning class.
Always wondered that myself...well, Nick Cannon really doesn't amount to much so I guess she got what she wanted.
Really? It's not a dirty/adult joke. Well anyways, what he's saying is that she 'doesn't want a lot' for Christmas but when she says 'all I want for Christmas is you', it's almost as if she's saying that he's not [worth] a lot.
Load More Replies...She literally said you don’t have to get her a present because your company is good enough for her, you ungrateful pillock.
My son kept calling birds birbs, do after awhile I started accidentally calling them that🤦
Load More Replies...The 1780 version has "four colly birds"—colly being a regional English expression for "coal-black" (the name of the collie dog breed may come from this word). This wording must have been opaque to many even in the 19th century: "canary birds", "colour'd birds", "curley birds", and "corley birds" are found in its place. Frederic Austin's 1909 version, which introduced the now-standard melody, also altered the fourth day's gift to four "calling" birds, and this variant has become the most popular, although "colly" is still found.
No, she gets a set of each, every day. So, 12 partridges in pear trees
I hope she has a big place, then. Because, that's 510 people in her house.
Load More Replies...So nobody is going to talk about the 50 people he evidently also kidnapped? PS. As an aside - the "Gold Rings" are most likely ring-necked pheasants, and so are also birds.
He's also not giving you all the gifts from the song. You were supposed to get 364 in total, and since you didn't, he really doesn't love you at all.
If you think about it, based on the song, the person gives them, in total, 12 drummers, 22 pipers, 30 lords, 36 ladies, 40 maids, 42 swans, 42 geese, 40 gold rings, 36 calling birds, 30 French hens, 22 turtles doves, and 12 partridge in 12 pear trees. I wonder what that would actually cost? 🤔
"Have we got time for an encore? I think it'd be fitting to try 'Ghetto Gospel' while we're here."
Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Bart hands out copies of "In The Garden is Edin by I Ron Maden" at church
They say that 25% of all car accidents involve deer. I say we stop letting them drive.
Are you sure.. I feel like I’m always seeing reindeer on the street...
But...But...I can prove it to you ~ one strong gust and my little car, I mean deer, flies!
rudolph is starting to become modern... first a raindeer, then a robot, now a car.
I had wreath on the front of my car but the silver ornaments just looked like xmas baked potatoes . . .
Since people on here like hearing about the prime minister of New Zealand, I thought I’d share that she instructed the nation to give 2020 the middle finger when seeing in the new year. https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/middle-finger-to-2020-jacinda-arderns-message-to-kiwis-this-christmas/D7EZHPWIFEXI3HKBUZLP6OPG4E/
If you look close, you can see an F right before the L. How horrible. Maybe it'a a coincidence though.
I don't because I really feel like I should be doing things and I'm sooo not going to do it, but I'm in denial and really should be, but I'm not and it makes me not happy so I eat some lasagna and that does make up for a lot, but in the end it just leaves me meh.
Load More Replies...This year is the first year when I did everything in one day! I mean, really! - I took the tree out of the storage, I assembled it, I hung the lights, I put ornaments on the tree, I added extra ornaments around the room AND! Wait for it.... I took the box from the tree back to the storage! All in one day! If 2021 is even worse than 2020 I'm sorry, it will probably be my fault!
got mine last week, its electric or so the phycologist said to me
At my house, it is customary for you to return to yours as soon as possible...
I just want to be anaethsetised (i might have spelt that wrong) for the whole year and wake up to find someone has done incredible liposuction and a tummy tuck on me.
well, wouldn't want to keep them waiting, go ahead, the door's right there! ;)
Lol this tradition was actually a marketing technique, it was never a real tradition to begin with. Someone just made it up to sell ornaments. Still a fun tradition though.
It has been around for at least 100 years with some German/German American people. My family is not from there but I have seen Christmas pickle in a LOT of peoples homes and the adults recall looking for it on Christmas morning for the extra present that they got for finding it
I thought hide the pickle was an entirely different thing. My bad, lol!
It certainly isn't a German traditions, despite contradicting rumours. Pickle-shaped glass ornaments arrived on German Christmas markets only after more and more tourists from beyond the pond demanded them.
It's been speculated that its origins were a marketing stunt and Woolworth was the first one to sell them in 1890
Load More Replies..."White"? Why specifically white? Why do americans always use their race as a way to define themselves. Not kidding, guys : you are the only ones in the western world who care about it.
I got the pickle ornament because my best friend in grade school loved eating baby-dill pickles. I am still kinda friends with her in junior high, but we kinda drifted away
This is pretty much my husband. I handle the presents; he doesn't even know what he got them. Everyone is surprised Christmas morning.
Same with my parents, my dad hasn’t know what I have gotten for Christmas until I unwrap it
Load More Replies...All of these couples that fall in love in a couple of days in the Hallmark Christmas movies should have sequels on the Crime Network by Halloween when one of them murders the other one.
Now I've got an image in my mind of someone dunking their pizza in their milk. You've scarred me...
Just imagining milk with pizza tastes bad- NOW UR PUTTING THE PIZZA IN THE MILK! YOU EVIL CREATURE NOW IM IMAGINING THIS DISGUSTING IMAGE.... I think ima throw up 🤢
Load More Replies...I've watched the movie hundreds of times and still get annoyed Buzz doesn't get in trouble!
anyone remember home alone 2? you know, where the kid takes everything the criminals learned from last time and turned it on its head.
And then there's Martin Mull's answer with "A girl named Johnny Cash".
Load More Replies...I got a flight attendant on Southwest to sing an airline version of I Walk The Line over the intercom. I was visiting the US and I’d heard Southwest was the comedy airline, so I booked with them as much as I could. The flight attendant on my first flight did a kind of funny safety demo and I was all OMG YOU DID THE FUNNY I PICKED SOUTHWEST ESPECIALLY FOR THAT!!! So at the end of the flight he took it up to 11 and sang this version of I Walk The Line with the lyrics changed to stuff about being a flight attendant. I hope he’s safe and not being driven too insane by anti maskers, and that he’s OK financially.
just imagine before you realise it was a cup holder if she has said: i found it in a thrift store... i couldn't resist
Actually seen in a p**n shop: an electric breast pump. I can imagine that going so VERY wrong...
Load More Replies...You can make it what you want. Hello? Are you ever coming out of your room? 😉
I mean yeah, with lube and as long as it's properly cleaned afterwards.
Load More Replies...This year, my father said he is not getting any lights as he us too old for ladder and i missed all those years when i had to keep him off a ladder
Omg. THIS IS SO TRUE - my dad-in-law... geezus. I'm going to die of a heart attack...and he'll still be happily climbin' the ladder... with big-a**e shears in hand....
My mind immediately pictured the scene in Nat. Lampoon's Christmas Vacation where Clark Griswald is trying to put up the Christmas lights
As someone who is always accidentally leaving the oven on, I would need a sign stating the oven is supposed to on. So this ones on dad lol.
Alas, I won't get a heart attack trying to move my great-grandmother's old doll off the guest bed and accidentally pressing the button that makes it giggle this year... what a shame.
As a child, I was terrified of nutcracker figures. I thought for sure they would chomp my fingers off.
my grandma has given me a creepy nutcracker every year since i was maybe 11. they used to creep me out, but now i kind of look forward to it just because it's become a tradition lol
but, but but, by not giving her Up, he is letting her down... What a quandry, eh?
fun fact: if you ask him for the dvd for up, he cant give it to you because hes never gonna give you up, but he also said never gonna let you down, thus creating the rick astley paradox
not true! last week he was on good morning america (gma) and was filmed doing this for the first time! lots of tears and stuff. it was hilarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
We are drowning in our own sorrow, people are dying all around the wolrd, Biden won the election, the pandemic is still going on, the economy is slowly collapsing, we are stuck at home... And it seems like some moron thought it was worth a "Joy to the world".
I'm ok with the birds and pretty much all the other gifts. But can someone explain to me the value of a Lord a Leaping.
And WHY I would need 8 women milking cows??? That's...quite a lot of milk.
Load More Replies...As someone who is obsessed with birds, I can say that I'd take presents from my true love any day.
It's thought to be a silly memory & forfeit game - you know, where someone starts with one line, then the next person has to repeat and add a line, and so on. If you mess up, you loose (give something up, like candy). Makes sense. . .otherwise someone was positively SWIMMING in, ahem, 'holiday cheer' in the 1700s - which is likely.
Well, from this gentleman, it was 28, but she may have other side dudes who also give her birds for Christmas.
Load More Replies...My stepdaughter yelled at my stepson one year, "Don't you know she's a teacher!?!?!" In response to his list made up of things all over $500.
More children should have been taught that kind of compassion
Load More Replies..."And this...this, you see...this is my daughter, H.W." Mr_Daniel_...f0ff18.jpg
If you put tab A into tab C, it doesn't catch fire. Either that, or you tightened something too much. Been there, done that. The firefighters assured me it wasn't my fault, "That just happens sometimes".
The other adult version of Tetris is trying to fit everything in the car for a family driving holiday.
The trick is to take down lights with folding technique and store properly, do next year is easy.
my kids don't like expensive advent calender. they didn't like the chocolate in there. they prefer the 99 cent one.
I always get my son one. He is 19 now and asked where his calendar was. I went out and got him one and he ate it all in one sitting and said he has been doing that for years and that is his "tradition". KIDS?!?!?
Load More Replies...That's why mom gets not chocolate advent calendars, but toy/trinket ones. Mine this year is makeup because she knows I'd use it.
When I was a kid we were forced to unwrap the gifts VERY carefully, so the paper won't tear, and my gran folded it neatly and save for next year. It was such a strong habit that I am still unable to tear the paper open and I shiver when my kids do that, even though we throw the paper away everytime.
My grandmother (I found out last Christmas) has been wrapping a bag of pistachios in the exact same piece of wrapping paper and bow for over 20 years. Always gives my grandfather a bag of pistachios. They are almost 90 and not doing good this year. We won't be able to see them this Christmas due to covid. They haven't met my grand baby yet. I hope they make it so we can all safely see each other hopefully early next year.
I was at a baby shower about 23 years ago.Jamie Lee Curtis sat next to me, throwing every bit of gift wrap into the fire in the fireplace. She did spare a few bows because she was badgered into it, but only under duress.
we still do that if its nice paper, and we say "thats so nice im gonna repurpose it" its a compliment for the person who gave it!
My mum does that, its annoying because it distracts me from enjoying the moment.
My mother forgot to cross out the previous gifts recipient, nobody what what whose
When I was a kid my mom decorated the inside to the Max to hide the dysfunction. It was a really good trick, and probably why Christmas brings back happy memories. Honestly, she tried
Works inside as well. My mother got pissed at my stepfather, and now the shelf elves have discovered the scissors and cut his present in half.
My parents will never get grandchildren from either me or my siblings. A lovely consequence: Our family Christmases are quiet and relaxing, and often include international travel.
Ahhh yes.... Peppa, clam shell wrappings, noise, squealing, spilled milk/cider, and faces/hands sticky from Christmas candy eaten way too early.....and I would not change a THING :)
It's both gratifying and depressing when someone stumbles across the obvious.
I don't want a lot for Christmas, this is all I'm asking for, I want you to wear a mask, when you go into a store
I never married, never had kids. In a few years my pets will be my only family and their names will be on my Christmas cards. Don't judge me.
I've seen my cat pick up a pen in her paw and carry it off. They'd rule the world if they had oppo-thumbs.
I write messages from Santa on the mirror, using a dry erase marker, reminding the kids that I know if they’ve been naughty or nice. Sometimes this happens as early as June. Sometimes the messages are from the Tooth Fairy, reminding the kids to brush their teeth well, for two minutes. Once, my sassy 7 year old, read a “Santa message” and stomped away angrily, saying, “I can’t get by with nothing!” LOL 😂
I want a divorce. I know we've never met, but I want a divorce anyway.
Their making you a mess for Christmas! They know how much you love to clean😋
Obviously no one told you life was gonna be this wayyy 👏👏👏👏 you’re job’s a joke you’re broke you’re love life’s DOA…
Load More Replies...You know they'd rather eat a triple-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich (topped with arsenic sauce) than speak to each other...
Yes, children, Santa was a zombie all this time, crawling right out of that tomb to come to your home.
Lol. I just found something I REALLY wanted but I know my parents already finished shopping... Guess I'm getting a present from me this year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I know that most kids aren't intentionally obnoxious, they just have no idea how all this stuff works, but I can't stand the idea of making a list of gifts you want. We never did that as kids, we just got what our parents gave us and because we didn't have much, we were always ecstatic with what we got. That aside, I think that being clear with kids that when they hand their list in, it's final - no take backs or adding anything - it may be easier for them to accept that their updated Christmas list is very early for next year.
I don’t get this? Lynx Europe shows me results of a lynx cat. What don’t I get
Load More Replies...Neighbour: Arn't you putting up any decorations on your house this year? Me: I'm spending Christmas in the house mate. with my family. In the warm. Where theres a telly and food and drink
I like Christmas because after a long crap year each year there is some joy and celebration.⭐
We never really celebrated Christmas growing up. We had a tree (of sorts) and a nice meal, but we didn't do gifts. We had another celebration earlier in the month where the gifts were symbolic. The few times so we spent Christmas with my French family who went all out were awful for me as a little kid, since we were the only grandchildren who didn't get anything. Now I do celebrate Christmas, as I'm marrying into an English family who also go all out, and I received my first stocking at 22. I enjoy a lot about Christmas, but I have to admit that I get bored very quickly of the sit around, eat chocolate and argue about what to watch on TV so I end up spending most of Christmas waiting for something to happen.
'Only grandchildren who didn't get anything"? Did you feel punished? If celebrating Christmas, real Christmas, everyone gets a present.
Load More Replies...When my son was little, all he wanted was to sleep in. "It will be there when I wake up." was his only comment. How early did your child wake you up? Mine was removed from his bed by 11:00 AM, we couldn't wait any longer! It has become a tradition. We all sleep in.
I like Christmas because after a long crap year each year there is some joy and celebration.⭐
We never really celebrated Christmas growing up. We had a tree (of sorts) and a nice meal, but we didn't do gifts. We had another celebration earlier in the month where the gifts were symbolic. The few times so we spent Christmas with my French family who went all out were awful for me as a little kid, since we were the only grandchildren who didn't get anything. Now I do celebrate Christmas, as I'm marrying into an English family who also go all out, and I received my first stocking at 22. I enjoy a lot about Christmas, but I have to admit that I get bored very quickly of the sit around, eat chocolate and argue about what to watch on TV so I end up spending most of Christmas waiting for something to happen.
'Only grandchildren who didn't get anything"? Did you feel punished? If celebrating Christmas, real Christmas, everyone gets a present.
Load More Replies...When my son was little, all he wanted was to sleep in. "It will be there when I wake up." was his only comment. How early did your child wake you up? Mine was removed from his bed by 11:00 AM, we couldn't wait any longer! It has become a tradition. We all sleep in.
