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40 Times Children Accidentally Proved Themselves To Be True Comedians, As Shared In This Viral Thread
Love it or loathe it, it’s not a secret that parenting can be a handful.
Whether you dreamed of having a big family since you were a kid or you unconsciously caved into the antiquated belief that having children means you’ve succeeded in life – you’ve likely experienced regret at least a couple of times.
To learn more about the troubling thoughts that some parents get, Bored Panda reached out to a parenting coach. “I think most parents have moments where they think - did I really sign up for this? And it can be made worse by the pressure we feel from social media - the ‘perfect family’ pictures,” Laura said when we pondered whether feeling this low was normal.
We then questioned our expert on what someone should do if they are having such thoughts, and the woman responded as follows: “First things first - a reality check. Pause and remember that everyone is doing the best that they can - us, our kids, and other people. Don’t suffer alone. Find someone to talk to if you are struggling with parenting guilt/regrets. Get honest with your friends about your parenting struggles, and you will find that they’ll open up to you about theirs.”
In short, raising a kid is bound to be challenging. However, there are plenty, if not more, things that make being a parent awesome. Their imagination, intelligence – I mean, you’ve literally got a friend for life. Plus, let’s not forget all the funny things they say! Laura, for instance, advises all parents to write things down: “We always think we’ll remember what our kids say that is funny, but we don’t. So keep a record of their funny/cute sayings somewhere, as part of a memory box to treasure.”
Now, onto the article!
“What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most informative and thought-provoking communities, asking its members to reveal the funniest things their offspring have ever said to them. The thread managed to garner over 5K upvotes as well as 2.8K comments containing some hilarious tales.
More info: Reddit | Encouraging Parents
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy.
GingerPanda 2 years ago (edited)
I worked at a daycare and there was this really verbally precocious two year old who would just talk your ear off. One day, my friend came in to pick me up from work. This little girl pointed at my friend and told me, "Your mommy's here to pick you up." (Almost every kid was picked up by their mom.) She then went on to tell my friend that I had been a really good girl and deserved a juice box and chicken nuggets for dinner. My friend just nodded. On the way home, we stopped at McDonald's and she bought me a Happy Meal. We were both twenty. 😂
Linden 2 years ago
Much sweeter than my child who, as a little kid, yelled at a mother crossing with a stroller in a way he deemed unsafe "You stupid lady!" Kinda glad it was his grandmother with him at the time, not me. There was also the time he learned the middle finger gesture, but not what it meant, and did it to multiple passing cars. He's actually a very kind kid, he was just learning.
Shyla Bouche 2 years ago
Emma Kilcup, thank you for saying to go to the bot's profile. I've been using the report button, and it doesn't block them for me. Blocking them from their profiles did! I am seriously in your debt! *brings Emma a mousie toy that still has its feathers*
RELATED:
#2
We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts.
Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone’s bare legs as she walks past. She’s got the attention of the whole carriage by now.
The Chinese people on one side all have smooth legs. But when she gets to one of the guys in our group, a Mediterranean type with thick black hair on his legs, she stops in her tracks. Pokes it. A couple of times. Then says something in Chinese and half the carriage roars with laughter.
One of the locals announced “She said Panda” and the other half of the carriage lost it too.
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Wait...aren't we supposed to call ourselves Pandas on this website?
suzemagoo 2 years ago
This reminds me. Once at a family gathering, when I was quite young and just learning to dress myself, I examined our family cat's butt proudly displayed with upright tail and asked loudly where the button was. My mom was a bit slow on the uptake and asked for more explanation. I pointed again and said, "there's the buttonhole". Apparently, it made for uproarious laughter. My parents repeated that story until I learned not to be embarrassed by it.
Alexandra Davis 2 years ago
We moved from England to Malaysia in the early 90's and my younger sister was only a baby. She was in her pushchair and we were in the market. This was a very remote part of the country (like this village was in the middle of the rainforest, nearest large town was around a 3 hour drive) and this local woman with a baby around my sisters age (probably both around 2 years old old at this point) was by us. Her baby looked at my sister who is blonde haired and blue eyes and said in Malaysian "she's not had her hair coloured in right!" We all laughed much to the bemusement of both toddlers! It was great for me as I went to an international primary school with someone of every religion and so many nationalities that I grew up acknowledging and knowing about so many cultures and religions and we all celebrated each others differences and similarities. Then I moved back here and didn't understand why people bullied other people for simply being different!
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Riley Quinn 2 years ago
My youngest brother was 3 or 4 years old when he was introduced to another brother's Black friend. He'd never seen a Black person before, and his first reaction was to touch his skin, then look at his finger tips in astonishment. FYI: we lived in an all white town, if that helps.
David 2 years ago
A little boy in the Philippines was standing next to me and started stroking my arm. I later realized he was amazed I have hair on my arm. I have very little by American standards. Just kind of 'peach fuzz' category. But I started looking at the Filipino men and realized their arms were all smooth skin / no hair.
#3
Late to the party but anyway. A few weeks ago my three year old son was cuddling in his mother's arms and sweet talking to her. Here it goes
him : "mom I'm the little baby mouse and you're the mama mouse"
her : "oh honey that's sweet, thanks"
him : "...and daddy is the daddy mouse"
her : "oh ok sweet"
him : ...
her : ...
him : ...
her : "and your little sister ?"
him : "MY SISTER IS A RAT !"
CarlWasHere/BubblesRKool 2 years ago
I tapped on it not once, not twice, but thrice.
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HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
My sibling's nickname for me was Harri-rat. I can totally relate.
meow point1 2 years ago
Once when I was five or six, I said to my mother, "You be the mummy duck and I'll be the duckling". Dad, who was in the bathroom shaving, called out, "I'll be the drake!".
Danit Peleg 2 years ago
my son once said we were baby cat, sister cat, mama cat and duddy cat, and his older brother is the butler cat.
OLIVIA DORSEY 2 years ago
And your aunt?"SHE IS A RACOON!HOW DARE SHE PLAY OUTSIDE WITHOUT ME!
#4
Saw a cute little boy, probably 3 or 4, smiling at me while in line at a grocery store checkout. I smiled back, he said 'Hi,' so I said 'Hi,' back.
His mom was smiling, and I said, 'What a handsome little man.'
He said, 'If you come to my house I have chocolate money.'
Best offer I've ever had.
NoIdeaYet 2 years ago (edited)
This chocolate is from the Netherlands, it's part of the St Nicolas' Day traditions.
Load More Replies... #5
I was sitting on a rock looking kinda haggard because I was overheating in a satyr costume at a ren faire. A passing child looked me up and down and went, "It'll be okay, goat."
gas station cola 2 years ago
similar thing happened to me! i was wearing my satyr costume at a ren faire & it had rained earlier in the day. as i was walking, i was leaving hoof-shaped footprints in the mud. a child stared at the mud with wide eyes, then looked up at me, then turned to her mom & said "LOOK AT THE GOAT FEET! IT'S A REAL GOAT!"
Rachel Cobb 2 years ago
I probably would have said "Mister" or "Missus" goat. My parents raised me to see that spark in the eye = Mr./Ms. (I still do it to some animals.)
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OwenHasADHD 2 years ago (edited)
The guy dressed up as a satyr, a half human half goat from greek mythology, for some kind of event.
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#6
I was helping 5yo with a computer game. He said
"Dad you're like a black hole at this"
[long pause]
"You suck so much"
Peanut Butter Pumpernickel 2 years ago
I'm not sure why I love this so much, but I absolutely love it.
#7
This was me as a kid but I told my grandmother that I was an octopus and wished I could wrap my testicles around her. I missed her so much and wanted a hug. I’m also a female
Brandi VanSteenwyk 2 years ago
Trust me, THAT faux pas is not limited to childhood.
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Mabelbabel 2 years ago
At British village fairs (or maybe just Yorkshire, where I was born), there used to be a tradition of having games to play, like tombola, lucky dip barrels, and a game where you throw a Wellington boot as far as you can, and the longest throw wins-its called welly whanging. We were at our village fair one year when my sister was about 7-in a very loud voice, she shouted across the field "Dad! Can we go welly w a n king? I want to go welly w a n king! Can I have some money for the welly w a n king man?" In a very penetrating and loud voice that was heard everywhere-I think dad pretended not to know her.
AnnaRachelle 2 years ago
I am from Yorkshire. Still here. I loved what you wrote. Made me smile reading it,then laughing at the end...bloody hilarious!
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Kody Franks (She/her) 2 years ago
At first, my dyslexia thought it said testicles, and I almost lost it. Had to read it again lmao
Coolwhip 2 years ago (edited)
You read it right the first time, please proceed to lose it. Lol
Load More Replies... Sue Denham 2 years ago
I'm so glad you'd mentioned the octopus part first. Otherwise I think my coffee would have shot out through my nose.
Chez2202 2 years ago
You have a problem with a small child confusing tentacles and testicles then use the term stretchy icicles? I know what tentacles are. I know what testicles are. I have absolutely no clue whatsoever what stretchy icicles are. Please help me out here.
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Kaylee Brock 2 years ago
lol my sister asked why someone didn't like sushi and if it was because there where testicals in them
#8
I asked my 11 year old son why his room was always so messy and can he keep it clean? He sighs, puts his hands on my shoulders and says 'Mum, I'm not that type of person.' and closes the door. I burst out laughing in the hallway, I was not expecting that response.
Chez2202 2 years ago
There are many many people who aren’t that type of person. I live with 2 .
OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
I live with 4.5 🙄🤷🏼♀️ and I need a tidy and organized space to be able to function. Long story short i stopped functioning a long time ago 🤷🏼♀️👎
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Anagram margana 2 years ago
Wise child - knows who he is already and doesn’t feel guilty about it. May have problems later in life, but he’ll figure it out.
Connie Brown 2 years ago
I tried really hard to deal with it ... until, while putting her laundry in her room, I saw a mouse peeking out a me from between two shirts. That was the end of that experiment.
Tactical Taco 2 years ago
I got this excellent new ADHD medicine that makes it hard for me to not clean
#9
5 Year Old: “Today is my lucky day!”
Me: “Oh yeah?”
5YO: “Yup. My lucky day.”
Me: “So, what happened today?”
5YO:
Me:
5YO: “Well I don’t think that’s any of your business”
Betta Fish 2 years ago
My brain just auto-inserted that Jeopardy song into the awkward silence.
Libra Rising 2 years ago
Sometimes, I tell the preschoolers I teach that it's their "lucky day" when they get excited about a favorite book, snack, or activity. It really catches on and it brings me great joy to hear them say, "it's my lucky day!" over some sort of cracker. It would be my lucky day if this was one of my students!
Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc 2 years ago
One time there were painters in my house, just like painting, and I was like "I'm going outside. My mom doesn't know. But I'm going anyway. It's my lucky day!" And the poor dude was just like wut no dont do that kid. (I was 3. Also, my mom could hear me, thankfully).
#10
I let my niece out of her car seat and said, “You’re free!” She responded, “No, I’m free and a half!” She was 3 1/2 years old
Twinbowser 2 years ago
I was a clumsy child and one day my mum said “Did you hurt yourself? You have a bruise on your forehead” and I apparently responded in a very patronising voice “Don’t be silly mummy, I’m not four yet. It’s a threehead”
Sandra Slingerland 2 years ago
My 4th child, named Paige, was asked if she was the youngest. She said, "Yes." So he said, "Then you're page 4!" She answered, "No. I'm 5!"
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
According to my father, one time when a boy said he was eight and three quarters, I then said "I'm six and five dimes."
#11
Shortest story - asked a 4 year old how he wanted his eggs. He replied "Good". Touché.
the shrimp whisperer 2 years ago (edited)
reminds me of 8yo me trying to explain to my mom that i want my eggs "fluffy and... hard... with no juice... and not cheese"
#12
During a lesson as a swim teacher
Kid: So do you live here?
Me: What do you mean?
Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool?
Mabelbabel 2 years ago
I remember getting very confused aged 5 because I saw my primary school teacher getting sweets from the pick and mix selection from Woolworths on a Saturday. Apparently I demanded to know who had let her out of school and would she be back in time for lessons on Monday? I thought teachers lived in school. And then I asked if the sweets were for us. She told me she'd get us all sweets if I promised not to tell anyone that she'd sneaked out of school, and right enough, she brought a bag in to class and we all got a jelly baby. RIP Miss Stead, she was a brilliant primary school teacher, but because of her I was about 10 before I finally believed teachers had homes to go to.
#13
My son was complaining of being hot so I was changing him into a t-shirt. He was still hot and crying about something else, I couldn’t understand what he wanted. Finally he screamed “You know, T-PANTS!!!” He meant shorts, he wanted shorts.
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago
My 3 year-old son said to me one day, "Tate a ba, mama. Tata a bah!" Potato? Play? What? Show me. He runs to to the bathroom and slams his hands on the tub. "Tate a ba!" OH, take a bath? Yes, Tate a ba! I melted right there.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
Was he trying to say you were stinky? ;) (am joking, that's adorable!)
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Riley Quinn 2 years ago
No one ever warns parents how they'll need to learn a whole new language.
Fluffy mommy panda 2 years ago
Or how to communicate with not knowing what they mean best thing to do is ask them to show you or to say it over and over again or extra happens to me with my five year old sometimes lol..
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Upstaged75 2 years ago
Back when I was a nanny the almost 2 year old boy was trying to tell something to me and his dad but we just weren't getting what he was saying. There was a thunderstorm coming and he kept pointing and saying "skeer". After a few times he rolled his eyes at us and went over to the dog. He touched the dog and said "skeer" while pointing up at the sky. Oh!! The dog was "scared" of thunder and that's what he was trying to tell us. We didn't even realize he understood that the dog was scared of thunder! They are much smarter than we give them credit for.
Charla Stone 2 years ago
When my daughter was 2, she couldn’t remember the word “spider”—“they crawl on the floor like babies and drink blood.”
#14
Half said, half action. Was taking her to nursery in the middle of winter. She had those mittens that connected to her coat with string,but wasn't wearing them and was complaining that her hands were cold.
Me - if your hands are cold, why don't you put your mittens on then sweetheart?
Her - I can't daddy, my mittens are full of oats.
*she then up-ends her gloves and porridge oats pour out of her mittens making two little mounds on the floor*
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Yeah, cast the first stone if you've never snacked out of your glove.
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Sawdust 2 years ago
And she had to put the oats in the mittens since the porridge bowl was full of sand...
Bluetoyou 2 years ago
In class several boys came running up to me and said another student had a pancake in his pocket. It was afternoon, after lunch. I called him quietly up to my desk and told him I heard he had a pancake in his pocket. He pulled out a lint covered wadded up pancake. I had to ask why. Apparently they were running late to school so he thought he would bring it with him to eat later. He was kindergarten. I had to have him throw it away. After all by then it wasn't edible. Another kinder boy walked into my room and dropped his drawers on the ground. He wanted to show me his new Batman underwear! His teacher was mortified! I can still here her telling him we don't do that in school!
ThatOmniCapybara(she/they) 2 years ago
These are making me silently laugh in the middle of class
#15
I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while. Then he turned to me and said, "This is the happiest day of my life." I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.
The Redhead 2 years ago (edited)
Right around the time my daughter turned 4 (she recently turned 5) we were driving to preschool & she yells out "look mommy an excavator". So I look up and think to myself 'I always called that a digger". She learned the proper word from watching Blippi (cute show for young kids) & I what a digger is actually called.
OwenHasADHD 2 years ago
I’ve never heard an excavator be called a digger before
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Amused panda 2 years ago
Possibly just getting to see the excavator at work. If it was an old school that had not been in use for years, the kid might not have even known it used to be a school.
Fussy1 2 years ago
Possibly only thing that could make his day even better...being the one IN the excavator tearing down the school?!
Terran 2 years ago
Maybe the guy working the excavator went to this school. They sure would have a blast tearing down their old school.
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Riley Quinn 2 years ago
This reminds me of little Becky from Dublin. Have a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTAtg7mvbs4
#16
I was breastfeeding my son while babysitting my 3yo nephew. Thos is how the conversation went: N: what's that? M: it's my boob, the baby's milk comes from there N: oh.. N:...that's a nice boob. He then patted my boob and went to play with his toys.
Chez2202 2 years ago
3 year olds have a way of complimenting people which is often cute, often disturbing but always innocent. Take it as a bonus and consider yourself lucky to have nice boobs.
Reginald the spider crab 2 years ago
solid structure, passed phil swifts durability test,imm sy thats a 10/10 right there
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Boggitha Johns 2 years ago
Our 3 year old was watching old music videos with his dad once when all of a sudden one had a topless woman shown for literally a split second. We tried to just let it pass without comment but he goes "why that woman shaking her boobies around?" A couple days later I asked what he wanted to do that day and he told me "I want go to where the ladies shake their boobies around". I didnt know how to respond to that
Cassidy Moore 2 years ago
Hahaha for real I will be changing and my 3 year old will go "mom your boobs are handsome" ...I call him handsome all the time so I take it as a compliment 😂
#17
"I'm not supposed to tell, but the doctor said to my dad he's fat." - 5 year old cousin.
Mabelbabel 2 years ago (edited)
A colleague of mine brought her son into work a while back-he was about 6 at the time. I met him in the bathroom, and he pointed at my stomach and said " Do you have a baby in there?" At the time I was a bit overweight, so I said no, I liked eating sweets and chocolate too much so I got a bit fat. He looked at me for a couple more seconds, then said "Do you want me to eat them instead, then you won't get fatter?' A pretty good offer I thought...
Kris92 2 years ago
And then the kid will become an overweight adult and has to find a child to take over the candy-eating and the cycle continues! (And to Ll of you who has weird thoughts after my wording, like "the man in the van who gives candy" I know. Ok? I. KNOW. Just shhh. Shjut up! That wasn't the joke! The joke was the neverenging cycle of the overwight adult passng on the "candy-torch" to a new ki... you know what? Fine. I can't save this one. I'm leaving now.
Kris92 2 years ago
P.s. the fact that you cannot edit your comments from the app is sooo annoying! I know how to word good, I swear! But my thumb doesn't always hit the right key and I'm too lazy to spellcheck!
Load More Replies... #18
I'm a fat kid 187.3 pound's to be correct at the age of 16 and when I was going to school this new little kid comes in the bus see me (mind that i always sit in tha last row) approaches me and says can I sit next to you and I like "sure, no problem" so he sits beside me then leans on my tummy and now I WTF is he doing?????? then I tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable and he looks me dead in the eyes and say's "oh i thought that was a pillow my father has the same pillow and he let's sleep on it and my mother also". I nearly died of laughing.
Lollipop Girl 2 years ago (edited)
You're un-belly-vable (I'll come with you)
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OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
We've raised our kids to think that fat is beautiful 💪#F**kPopularOpinion
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
His height would determine whether he’s fat, but the pillow belly tells us he’s prolly on the hefty side. With luck, the weight’ll come off when the baby fat does. I had three ultra-massive cousins who all turned into beautifully-built adults as soon as they hit 20. The kids who formerly tortured them all wanted to date them then!
Load More Replies... #19
In France 7-years-old is considered the "age of reason". Apparently my daughter had this on her mind a lot leading up to her birthday. When she woke up on her 7th birthday, she told me, "I think the age of reason starts at 8 years old".
Headless Roach 2 years ago
I'm *mumbling some three digit number* and it is still nowhere on the horizon
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JustAFan 2 years ago
Honestly, this is kind of fascinating to me. Maybe I'm overthinking this, but isn't this just her saying, "I know that I know nothing"? I don't know, I just think it's neat that she's introspective enough to recognize that there's a lot she doesn't know and how willing she is to admit that.
Carter Allen 2 years ago
Some churches consider it the age of reason too, so that could also be it.
#20
I baked muffins for my five year old and he said “Well, they taste okay.. but I’m thinking the people at the stores do a better job”
I just LOVE how brutally honest children are, and not in a passive-aggressive way like adults tend to do, just straight up honesty.
He gave me a hug afterwards and asked if we could play outside. I love kids, they’re great—most of the time xD
Headless Roach 2 years ago
When my son was younger, once I made a horrible mistake of asking if he liked the meal I served him. "Delicious, but would you mind not cooking it again?"
Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)
Such class, wonderful response . Honestly
Load More Replies... Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Before reading the post, I glanced at the pic and thought they were round chicken nuggets 😍
Snorkeldorf 2 years ago (edited)
Went out to eat with my mom, who was in her late 70s and sometimes a messy eater. She ordered BBQ'd wings and proceeded to chow down. After a short time, she had sauce all over her chin, mouth and a little on her cheeks. 4-year old said "Grandma, please wipe your face you're scaring me."
Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
I get in trouble, because as an adult, I'm sometimes *too* honest, and people *think* I'm being passive aggressive, even when I'm not.
the shrimp whisperer 2 years ago (edited)
i want to lock small children in my attic and make them listen to system of a down as a social experiment
JMC5003 2 years ago (edited)
That's pretty dark and inappropriate. Got nothing against System of a Down, but locking children in an attic is sociopathic or worse
Load More Replies... #21
I'm a chubby guy, anyway I was hanging out with some friends after work and one of my friend's kid just plainly says, "You're wiggily." We all bust out laughing at this because it was such an astute observation. Later we were all getting ready to sit down to dinner and the same kid then says, "I'm going to sit next to the Wiggily One!" At that point my friends and I absolutely lost it.
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
The wiggly one...if used non-offensively, it could be a funny nickname to bring up at times.
H B 2 years ago
When my daughter was seven, she looked at my stomach and then looked at me and smiled. "Daddy you have a root beer belly".
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Gayle Lewin 2 years ago
my niece used to refer to penises as "wiggly ones" when she was little. Brings a whole new meaning to this conversation!
Swoosh Loops 2 years ago
I will now refer to my husband as the wiggly one until he demands to know what I mean
Load More Replies... Sarah SH 2 years ago
I have been called squishy before by a kid. I’m not really overweight or anything, just, well, kind of squishy (in the middle) actually.
Swoosh Loops 2 years ago
Grandma was also by no means overweight just squishy, comfy, and cozy
Load More Replies... Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Uncle wiggly there used to be a book ND a game called that.....now I feel old.
#22
My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse.
Amused panda 2 years ago
Two ideas come to mind. One, lots of images from Google where people dress up for the street view car maybe - but maybe that is just in my head because of yesterday's amusing moments captured by Google street view item. Second, more likely for a young child, is that he lived in a city and had never seen a real horse but had been to a panto and seen a pantomime horse. Option 2 does presume the kid is from the UK.
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#23
My cousin who was like 3 at the time asked me how old I am and I said 22 he goes “ oh I thought you were 50”
Fluffy mommy panda 2 years ago
Kids never think about numbers correctly at least not at that age. My five year old said I was 18 on a paper at her school that asked her about her mom for mother's day that would of made me 13 when I gave birth to her. And no way was I 13 I was like early 20s but it made me feel good lol.
Angela C 2 years ago
My mom works at my old elementary school and she'll tell me about teachers that I had that are still there and I'm always baffled because in my mind they were all like at least 50 when I had them and now that I'm older I'm realizing how young a lot of them actually were.
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Phillip Hart 2 years ago
My friend's 5yo considers all of the past yesterday. Yesterday (last week) she watched a movie, yesterday (a few months ago) she went to the pool, yesterday (5 years ago) she qas in her Mama's tummy
Headless Roach 2 years ago (edited)
I was twenty-something, travelling by train with a bunch of very young soldiers (strangers). They were a bit drunk and singing funny songs. They were harmless and I laughed along... until they rhymed something about ladies in their 20s being just fossils. So, relatable.
Phoebe Stein 2 years ago
I always thought teachers and relatives joking about being like, "125" was annoying.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
WTF? Why? 3-year-olds have NO concept of numbers like that, 22 is just as unthinkably old as 50 is.
Load More Replies... #24
My niece has an old soul and would always come to some big revelations. At a family get together when she was three she flopped down in her chair with a big sigh and said sadly, "some day I'll have to get a job," she looked crushed. When I asked her what job she'd have when she was a grown up she proudly told me she'd make the french fries at mcdonalds A year later I noticed she was looking sad while visiting and asked her what was wrong. Another big sigh and she hung her head in her hands, "I'm not married yet." EDIT: Thank you very much for the award!
#25
Had recently shaved and gelled my hair into a mohawk and some random kid whom i walked past said: "Hey cool guy". Not really what i'm used to hearing so i laughed.
Literallyaeasybakeoven 2 years ago
I have purple hair, and the thing that makes my day is when little kids tell me I look like a faerie
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
Was wearing an oversized Hawaiian-shirt and overheard this kid say to his mother, that's a cool shirt. Put a bounce in my step.
Destinee Davis 2 years ago
When my sister had sunshine yellow hair a kid pointed and said to her mom "she looks like a flower!" I'm pretty sure my sister blushed 💖
Liz Reece 2 years ago
I started greying at 18, so I started dyeing it. "Hibiscus" was my fave color, but it always came out rather purple on the darker parts of my hair. In line at the grocery store, I had a kid compliment me on my "chocolate cherry soda" colored hair. Years later, getting a trim, the stylist said something about my roots, and I got embarrassed and said something about being due for a touch up... She tells me to absolutely quit coloring my hair, that grey hair is about to be THE chic hair thing, and mine is a sparkly silver that is impossible to create, plus it was bad for my hair. So I quit coloring. It had been like 15 years since I last saw my natural color. As it grew, I noticed my silver was in streaks, with 1 in the very front. I had random strangers stop me to ask me who and where my hair was done. Many were shocked to find out it was natural, and a few got pissed because they thought I was lying and just didn't want to share my amazing colorist.
#26
-18 working at a boy scout camp during the summer. Store manager.
Kid comes up (M 10?11?) and he points at his face
“We have the same!”
Me: “The same?”
Him: “We have the same!”
Me:”Same what?”
Him:”Your teeth are messed up just like mine”
Out of nowhere roasted by a child lmao
Edit:
Thanks for the award. He definitely did not mean it rudely, but how it came about was hilarious.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
Aw. It wasn't a roasting, it was a young kid finding kinship in similarity XD Still funny, though.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
It's vitally important that all children see themselves represented out in the world. For this kid to see an adult (relatively) with wonky teeth made him feel less isolated.
#27
Working for a school. Listening to kids babble on about whatever, I had a child tell me “I have 3 brothers, they all have girlfriends. Except one them and he paints his nails but I don’t know why..”
Auntriarch 2 years ago
Yeah, that brother doesn't have a girlfriend because he keeps stealing their nail polish
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#28
Back when my son was 3 I spent a lot of time teaching him about road safety and how to safely cross the street. I told him that at intersections you had to wait for the little white man to appear on the crosswalk light before you could start to cross the road and not to go when the orange hand was there.
Of course, my son starts screaming "DADDY WHERE'S THE WHITE MAN?!" at the top of his lungs every time we walk up to an intersection. We're Caucasian. Being three he screeches this at everyone we encountered, regardless of race, demanding to know if they knew the white man.
SweetCheesySpaghetti 2 years ago
My son used to call people by the color of their shirts if he didn't know their name. We moved to a new city, and our neighbor (who was black) came outside wearing a black tshirt. He screams over to her: "HEY BLACK LADY!" It was awkward to explain but she got it, and thankfully laughed.
Gary Fleming 2 years ago
LOL, that's what my mind says when I see a cute girl. ;)
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TAG86 2 years ago
When my wife and I were still dating, we were in a cab on the way home. The driver wanted to turn but just then the walk signal changed as somebody started crossing. Driver suddenly goes "DAMN THAT WHITE MAN!" referencing the signal, not the pedestrian We got major giggle fits and now whenever we are driving and the pedestrian signal changes in not our favour we like to shout that (only in each others company, may be taken the wrong way with anyone else who doesn't know the backstory)
Teodor Negru 2 years ago
see, that's why in europe we have little green and red men at the pedestrian traffic lights. at least if he starts screaming where's the little green man people won't be offended 👽
Gary Fleming 2 years ago
"Greetings, Earthlings, I come in peace. My ship has crash-landed on your planet. Now, take me to your leader."
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Ovata Acronicta 2 years ago (edited)
Didn't we have a list wherein someone else was looking for "White Boy" recently? I sense a connection.
Fluffy mommy panda 2 years ago
Kids can be embrassing at times sometimes a little laugh comes out and sometimes you just wanna grab your kid and runaway while your face is turning blood red.
Damitria 2 years ago
Another way to say white person as in what race you are
Load More Replies... #29
My brother: dad, im not going to tell you the flavor of your surprise birthday cake. At least he kept something secret
JoTheLizard 2 years ago
This reminds me of when I was seven me and my family were going to a restaurant for my moms surprise birthday party and straight up said “are you exited for your surprise birthday party mum?”
Aria Storm 2 years ago
babysitting a little girl me;did you get a book for your birthday her; of tows not... i tannot wead my guy the discust on her face was pure teenage girl
Jan Rosier 2 years ago (edited)
More or less like the story I heard my MIL tell about the wife. Her grandma had a birthday coming up. Then 3yo wife says to her : "you're not getting a painting for you birthday and it is not a picture of a horse"
#30
A couple hours after telling my three year old that he was going to be a big brother, he came up to me and asked “mum where are we going to get the skin?” Turns out he assumed we would be getting the ‘meat’ for the new baby from the butchers.
Philly Bob 2 years ago
I'm guessing calling my daughter my little "pork chop" wasn't such a great idea...
#31
My daughter definitely had it coming when she was two and said “Mommy, I’m not going to use the potty anymore! I’ll just go in my pants.”
clever username 2 years ago
I know that museum! It’s one of my favorites. Highly recommend the national portrait gallery if you’re in DC
#33
Overhead a young (like 6-ish) year old boy ask his friend,
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No."
"Oh. That's okay, we can share mine."
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Oh gosh, now I really want to explain the love triangle that went down in the pre-k of a school I went to.
Phillip Hart 2 years ago
There are books on ethical non-monogamy that you could read if you really want that answered
Load More Replies... #34
My little sister was showing off all of her toys to my friends once. I was ~15, she was ~5. She brought out a doll with bright green hair. Her: Now, this is just an ordinary doll... Me: Her hair doesn't look very ordinary. Her (suddenly exasperated): It's in a BRAID, *CarrotAnkles*! Said friends still call me by name in the exact same tone.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
I read it as Car Rotankles for a moment 😅 it’s been a long day
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#35
I used to be quite heavy, though people always said I "carried it well."
One day I was shopping at the grocery store, and noticed a rather attractive young mother looking at the produce with her little girl, probably 3 or 4 years old.
Just as I worked my way past them, the little girl looked up at me, smiled sweetly, and said, "Hello, fat man."
Chez2202 2 years ago
It’s not creepy to notice that someone is attractive. It’s human nature. If it didn’t happen the human race would die out.
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TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Little kids don't mean anything...they are simply labeling people and verbally processing.
#36
My 4 yo cousin was firmely convinced that MJ died in the 80s, so I told him that I remembered his death so it couldn't have passed such a long time. He looked at me and serious as hell ascertained that I was pretty old to behave the way I do and then asked me if dinosaurs were still alive when I was a kid.
Elizabeth VanDyke 2 years ago
One of my kids asked me if I lived inside of the fort when I was a kid.
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KittyGotClaws 2 years ago
My son asked me that once but I think he was just being a smarty pants.
thatlesbiantacocat 2 years ago
Yeah that's what I wanted to know. I thought I was just stupid.
Load More Replies... Jeff Diamond 2 years ago
My kids have asked "when you were a kid did people know about things like science?"
James Heinle 2 years ago
My grandma was telling us kids that she was 14yrs old when WWII started and that her mom was 14yrs old when WWI started. I asked, "How old were you during the Civil War?" She was the only one in the room who didn't laugh.
#37
“Uncle Drkumph, I peed out of my butt!!” Like he was so excited about it.
He had diarrhea..
Bec 2 years ago
My niece (6ish) and her dad got the stomach flu and she had never experienced throwing up that she would have been able to remember so the experience was pretty terrifying to her, she was also crying and upset because dad was loudly puking and she thought he was going to die. PSA get a flu shot wash your hands
meow point1 2 years ago
Stomach flu is actually a different virus from the flu you get shots for. Still good advice though.
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Amanda Neville 2 years ago
To be fair, it is a perfectly accurate description of the situation. I had honestly never heard it phrased that way until I got with my boyfriend. He's 43 now and still refers to it like that.
#38
When i was a kid, i remember my friend trying to tell me about lesbians, but she didn’t remember the word „lesbian“. So she said: „sometimes a woman loves a woman, and kisses her like a man. That woman is a ... uhm ...s-...step-.. SKEPTICAL“
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
When I first heard the word it was in the sentence “she is a lesbian” so I thought it was “elesbian” (reminded me of the name Elizabeth) for way too long 😂
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Our society gives lesbians much to be skeptical about.
Load More Replies... #39
My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names. When he got to my biggest friend he said "And you can be Pokémon stadium!"
Jeff Diamond 2 years ago
Because you get headaches at the slightest thing?
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Ches Yamada 2 years ago
We always joke that we're koffings because, well, toxic gas. LOL. But also we love koffing ♡
Zoelynn Marville 2 years ago
DAMN, kids are offensive but in a non-offensive way (sometimes that was not me)
General Spyro 2 years ago
just posed the ‘what Pokémon would you be’ to my friends and my uh, vertically challenged (very short) friend said ‘well smoliv of course, guess why’
Keira Holland 2 years ago
I would be pikachu. I’m being honest! my friends always say I’m basic. But really, I would. It’s just a coincidence that he/she is mascot of Pokémon
Adam Vonder Ahe-Cossey 2 years ago
Similar experience, but with superheroes - my son was telling us which superhero we were and what job we had: He was Batman and would solve crimes, I was Superman and would stop bad guys, his sister was Wonder Woman and would fight crime, and then he said, "And Mommy can be Robin and stop...traffic!", roasting my wife while at the same time proving the uselessness of Robin
Gary Fleming 2 years ago
(Mongolian throat singing) AAAAAAAEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH...
Load More Replies... Gary Fleming 2 years ago
I'm an Eevee fan, but I'd be either Voltorb/Electrode or Magnemite/Magneton.
Load More Replies... #40
My four year old brother was messing around with a knife, and i grabbed it away from him, and told him to be careful.
He asked me why. So i said he could really hurt himself and die. I then said you know (insert brothers name) if you ever die my heart would be broken.
His reply: You know op if you ever die my heart would be fixed.
Man i was so offended but it caught me so off guard i couldnt help but laugh ahah
Ian Webling 2 years ago
A friend whose three sons didn't like it if there were broken biscuits in the package asked her to get them fixed biscuits.
#41
Teaching Spanish to a 3rd grade class: Me: Could someone give me an example of a masculine noun ? (Nouns in Spanish can be masculine or feminine) Student: perro (dog) Me: good job! Student: but it could also be a feminine noun because some people like to call women perras (bitches) I just looked around to see the rest of the class focused not realizing what their classmate said.
Veronica Alejandre 2 years ago
"Perras" is not an insult unless meant as such. What this person is saying is like someone claiming "rat" or "pig" are insults just because sometimes they are used that way.
Crunchy Swiffer Wetjet 2 years ago
I wish we got to learn languages in 3rd grade! We didn't start learning languages until 8th grade
Chris Landrum 2 years ago
kudos to the student at least understanding how to make a noun feminine.
#42
"I love pooping because you get to sit and rest"
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
This is why you should do it at work... Or at least I felt that way before I started working from home...
#43
I was at a family get together and my cousin ( F2 ) was playing with a toy fish. When she threw the toy I picked it up and said " The fish is now very sad because you hurt her. She won't play with you anymore. " She looked at the fish and said " Hey fishie you are dumb"
Generic Soda Pop (she/her) 2 years ago
Fish: "Thanks cousin, that's what I tell myself on a daily basis"
#44
Had a lovely conversation with a small child while at a cousin's birthday party. "HI Sugarspykes!" "Hey there kiddo. How'd you know my name?" "[Cousin] told me! You're the cousin?" "Yeah, sure am! How'd you know?" "Your eyes point backwards" He meant I was Asian. MY EYES POINT BACKWARDS. Also bonus points for the extra "are you gay or just have boobs?" He gave me when I mentioned I was a boy. Fellas is it gay to have breasts
Esme Love and Squalor 2 years ago
Kids are so funny re gender identification. I visited my sister and her little kids (ages 2-5) back when I had very short hair and I’m a woman. Caught me off guard when one of them said I was a boy- seems they had all come to that conclusion because of the hair (and I suppose as a lesbian, because of my clothes and non-feminine appearance)
#45
I was playing "For Honor" and got frustrated after essentially having to carry my team. My (at the time) 4 year old daughter says to her younger sister "Daddy's mad cause they keep kicking his a*s and he doesn't know how to play". I was BEFUDDLED 😭
Chez2202 2 years ago
Or she was 4, didn’t understand the game and didn’t realise that her dad’s team were losing because the rest of them were bad? Just a suggestion.
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#46
My nephew at ten years old said,
"If you're younger than mommy, why do you look so much more tired?"
Thanks kid.
[Edit] what in sweet home Alabama happend here?
ShutUpAboutYourDiet 2 years ago
OP is the kid's aunt/uncle--aka the sibling of their parent. Kid wants to know why their aunt/uncle, who is their mom's younger sibling, looks older than their mom. What about this feels wrong to people?
Load More Replies... #47
Working as an Elementary school OT - “Miss Funke/Munke, was everything black and white when you were a kid?”
Happy Panda 2 years ago
I had the same thought as a child after I saw some 70's/80's photographs in sepia. I asked my mother, "Was the whole world like this?!" as I showed her the said photographs XD
#48
Upon learning that I was from Washington, D.C. a little girl asked me seriously if George Washington was President when I was little. I thought it was really funny and imaginative.
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V Noe 2 years ago
My brothers and I were quite young when our grandfather (Mom's father) died. As my father was a pallbearer, Mom was driving our car in the procession from church to cemetery, which ended up being about a 30-minute drive. At some point my 4-year-old brother got restless and asked "Do we have to drive grandaddy ALL the way to Heaven?"
GingerPanda 2 years ago
This is a story I've heard a thousand times. When my sister was 3 or 4, my parents worked at a diner with a regular "Breakfast Club" and my sister was their little mascot because she was always in the diner. One of the men in the breakfast club was born without fingers on one hand. Apparently my sister asked him what happened to his hand. He say, "Well, God made me special. I was born without fingers on that hand. My sister thought for a minute and said, Well, I was made special, too. When I was born, I didn't have any teeth."😂
Amy Watkins 2 years ago
When my nephew was about 4 or 5 -- I was talking about British TV programs with his parents at a restaurant one day. I had just started watching "Doctor Who" and was telling them about the show. I was seated next to my nephew in the booth and he leaned out and said in a very serious tone, "Emee, it's pronounced Dr. Seuss."
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Me: *Plays with a little girl, around 4. I'm playing barbies, but a little unorthadox, using velociraptor toys and other chaos.* Her: You play wrong. *Proceeds to explain what I did wrong.* Me: *Tries playing normal but can't play to her standards* Her: It's okay. Maybe Jesus just made you different. Me: ...Yes...
Rocco MZ 2 years ago
This is from my dad. When I was younger, our house had two bathrooms. One day my dad was in the kitchen and my little brother's friend went running through and then ran back through and went back and forth a few times. My dad stopped him to ask him what he was doing. He replied, "I can't figure out which is the boy's bathroom and which one is the girl's!"
Emily Santiago 2 years ago
I was putting my daughter to bed when she was 4 and I said ‘You are my precious being’ She asked ‘Do I get to choose what kind of being I want to be?’ I was like ‘yeah of course! What kind of being do you want to be?’ She looks at me and says ‘Refried’
Alex Mosby 2 years ago
I have a huge skin tag in my neck. My 3yr old nephew sees it then says "In have one too" as he points at his nipple.
Angela C 2 years ago
So I've always been on the bigger side and when I was at my great grandma's funeral breakfast, my cousin (4 or 5 at the time, I was 21) who lives out of town and had only met me a couple times in his life comes up to me and says "You're fat" and just laughs and walks away. Like thanks kid I'm well aware of that fact
(っ◔◡◔)っ blush 2 years ago
When I was a toddler, I would walk up to random men, say "Hi daddy!" and watch the shock and disbelief on their faces. I only now realize why that was extremely inappropriate lol
V Noe 2 years ago
My brothers and I were quite young when our grandfather (Mom's father) died. As my father was a pallbearer, Mom was driving our car in the procession from church to cemetery, which ended up being about a 30-minute drive. At some point my 4-year-old brother got restless and asked "Do we have to drive grandaddy ALL the way to Heaven?"
GingerPanda 2 years ago
This is a story I've heard a thousand times. When my sister was 3 or 4, my parents worked at a diner with a regular "Breakfast Club" and my sister was their little mascot because she was always in the diner. One of the men in the breakfast club was born without fingers on one hand. Apparently my sister asked him what happened to his hand. He say, "Well, God made me special. I was born without fingers on that hand. My sister thought for a minute and said, Well, I was made special, too. When I was born, I didn't have any teeth."😂
Amy Watkins 2 years ago
When my nephew was about 4 or 5 -- I was talking about British TV programs with his parents at a restaurant one day. I had just started watching "Doctor Who" and was telling them about the show. I was seated next to my nephew in the booth and he leaned out and said in a very serious tone, "Emee, it's pronounced Dr. Seuss."
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Me: *Plays with a little girl, around 4. I'm playing barbies, but a little unorthadox, using velociraptor toys and other chaos.* Her: You play wrong. *Proceeds to explain what I did wrong.* Me: *Tries playing normal but can't play to her standards* Her: It's okay. Maybe Jesus just made you different. Me: ...Yes...
Rocco MZ 2 years ago
This is from my dad. When I was younger, our house had two bathrooms. One day my dad was in the kitchen and my little brother's friend went running through and then ran back through and went back and forth a few times. My dad stopped him to ask him what he was doing. He replied, "I can't figure out which is the boy's bathroom and which one is the girl's!"
Emily Santiago 2 years ago
I was putting my daughter to bed when she was 4 and I said ‘You are my precious being’ She asked ‘Do I get to choose what kind of being I want to be?’ I was like ‘yeah of course! What kind of being do you want to be?’ She looks at me and says ‘Refried’
Alex Mosby 2 years ago
I have a huge skin tag in my neck. My 3yr old nephew sees it then says "In have one too" as he points at his nipple.
Angela C 2 years ago
So I've always been on the bigger side and when I was at my great grandma's funeral breakfast, my cousin (4 or 5 at the time, I was 21) who lives out of town and had only met me a couple times in his life comes up to me and says "You're fat" and just laughs and walks away. Like thanks kid I'm well aware of that fact
(っ◔◡◔)っ blush 2 years ago
When I was a toddler, I would walk up to random men, say "Hi daddy!" and watch the shock and disbelief on their faces. I only now realize why that was extremely inappropriate lol
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