Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Marriage is a beautiful journey, a story of love that starts off with a sprint but gradually finds its rhythm into an easy jog that spans (hopefully) your entire life.
While there are inevitably bumps and hiccups along the way, for most of us the bond only gets stronger with age. Helpful to this is the ability to laugh at oneself and each other, life is too short to be serious all the time!
We here at Bored Panda have compiled a list of tweets from people who appear to have mastered the art of a successful marriage and appear to be having a good laugh in the process. Scroll down to check out the list below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
RELATED:
#2
Katie Smith 8 years ago
We had a six port multi charger but apparently that wasn't enough becasue I got my own in my Christmas stocking this year.
Load More Replies...
Phoenix Martinez 8 years ago
Establish yourself as a good provider by purchasing a plug in multiport with 4 slots so you can both charge your phone and she can charge her laptop
#3
#4
Diane Serpa 8 years ago
quickest way to start an argument in my house "Is that where that goes?"
#5
8 years ago
My uncle has been silently putting tags with his name on my grandmothers furniture :/
Allana Rose 8 years ago
My sisters daughter wont move out of their house because she is waiting for her and her husband to die so she will have claim to their house over her brothers!!
Agnes Jekyll 8 years ago
Ugh. Do they have a will? I hope the daughter helps out, at least.
Load More Replies...
#6
Erin 8 years ago
My younger brother's favorite shoes used to be Dora the Explorer pink ones . You never know what they'll be into
Load More Replies... #7
Jello Pi 8 years ago
How about putting 100 and losing shut like a legend?
Load More Replies...
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
It makes sense! There is no logic or explanation to it so women must do it.
Load More Replies...
Tamara Laney 8 years ago
And when you're done with that, start all over with decorative "guest" towels. ;)
John Ashley 8 years ago
I can guarantee it lost it with the first one... he's just too nice a guy to tell you he can't stand them.
Just Caturday 3.0 8 years ago
Even as a woman, I don't see the appeal. Maybe it's a cultural thing
Load More Replies... #8
#10
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Comes home with $300.00 worth of "groceries" & Supermom has to return to the store for the good stuff. Been there...done that...got the t-shirt. 40 years experience!
Vlad Horobet 8 years ago
I can guarantee he will forget to buy most of the shopping list. Or worse, he will call you for every item. Because "soap" is way too generic for us and we need to call you women to guide us into the adventure of shopping.
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
Make sure you have a groceries shopping list though. And just put the beer on it too (on top of the list).
Just Caturday 3.0 8 years ago
Best if on bottom, otherwise why would he need to buy the rest of the items...
Load More Replies...
PurpleUnicorn 8 years ago
Hubby does the shopping, he only ever gets what he wants - but is the first to complain if we don't have something...
#11
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
What? You mean you don't anyway, even when your husband is in bed with you???
SykesDaMan 8 years ago
Usually, the wife gets the bed all to herself even when the husband is there. Kids or animals on the other hand...
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
Great for you! For me it would not work. I sleep horrible when he doesn't sleep next to me when he has a nightshift
#12
#13
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
more like.... Me: I'm gonna take a shower, Husband: Now's the perfect time to take a poop, Me: you totally just ruined my shower...
#14
#15
Tracey Winter 8 years ago
It's called 'a man look'. Men just don't look as thoroughly as women!
Cerro Elric 8 years ago
Heh heh not me, I'm not a thorough searcher at all
Load More Replies... Gwen Johnson-Brown 8 years ago
The store is never out of a common item I get all the time until I ask him to pick it up for me.
#16
Ladies and Gentlemen 8 years ago
My Mom use to say to my dad - "If you try to find things by your eyes, instead of your mouth, you will find them"
Elisaurous uwu 6 years ago
it was "open your eyes, not your mouth" in a loud and screechy tone for me
Load More Replies... Just Caturday 3.0 8 years ago
Courtesy, comes with the place and the wife
Load More Replies...
#17
Tua Xylanthia 8 years ago
Actually this is kinda true, science is on the side of men. Estrogen helps to stimulate immune system to work faster and more aggressive, while testosterone does the opposite. But most men are still big drama queens when they have the cold. :D
Gerry Higgins 8 years ago
Yes, no joke. Studies show men do feel the effects of a cold/flu much greater than women. It's to make up for not giving birth. We have to suffer somehow.
Gwen Johnson-Brown 8 years ago
Ive been sick since Christmas. I just got out of my sickbed to wash the Christmas dishes so I could fix something to eat...he's at the store, or something...
TheMsLollidella 8 years ago
Lol my bro got a cold and I found him lying in the couch with 3 blanket layers and a tissue box nearby xD I had the same cold too and I just rolled my eye like fr. He helps me wit the laundry and he didn't wanna go but of course I'm like " Put on ur jacket drama queen, we haveta go"
Michelle McCauley 8 years ago
We don't have time to be sick! Too busy taking care of everything and everyone. If you can't meditate, medicate. :)
#18
Rappenwolf 8 years ago
I hate putting the movie on hold every time he starts to say something.
Ania Pełka 8 years ago
I breastfeed my second son. When my husband comes home, there is finally someone who can give that &&*('c remote control . It's always somewhere far far away when Simon is sleeping.
Jimmy Rustled 8 years ago
sad....I enjoy talking to my wife more than anythiny else...how pathetic to turn your life partner away because of a TV show
Katie Smith 8 years ago
It's good people like you and my husband exist and speak up. My husband is my favorite person to be with even when he gets on my nerves.
Load More Replies...
frederic eeckman 8 years ago
Wow... This one is hard. If the highlight of your day is what you are watching on tv and not your SO coming back home, it's sad...
#19
#20
Leslie Tollefson 8 years ago
OMG, this is SO me and my husband!! He's the sweetest, most generous and caring guy ever, but I keep having dreams where he acts like a d*ck to me!! I have NO idea what those are about, but I always tell him dream him was a d*ck and he's in trouble!!
M O'Connell 8 years ago
*Waiting for your curiosity to get the best of you and let me try what I did in your dream last night*
Just Caturday 3.0 8 years ago
Things just jumped up to R....so, he's fulfilling her dreams then, eh
Load More Replies... #21
Emma Perkins 8 years ago
Makes sense. To the dog, it feels like your gone waaayyyyy longer so they should get the best goodbye :D
#22
Danny Waller 8 years ago
ALWAYS aspire to be Homer, just not Homer Simpson.
Load More Replies...
Hamdhaan Hassan 8 years ago
damn thats a good name, i could never come up with such a thing. Sarah jessica barker
#23
VeryDarkMatter 8 years ago
But.. why? He took a day off. He can do it ! You should rest and netflix all day long
Melissa Nunya 8 years ago
Exactly ;) "oh what a great idea I think I'll take today off too hon"
Load More Replies...
Max Lombardi 8 years ago
I would not investigate any further why he took the day off to stick with you. Probably nothing good.
#24
Ian Osmond 8 years ago
The Wall Street Journal interviewed a friend of ours about extreme couponing. She managed to supply a number of local shelters with toiletries, and got CVS to pay her for the privilege.
Kira Leseman 8 years ago
I can’t figure out how they do that. Is it Magic? It’s magic.
Load More Replies...
Brenda 3 years ago
I once saved 97% on groceries, about 10 years ago. Almost impossible to do here in Texas these days. They quit doubling and tripling coupons because of extreme couponers. They would clear shelves, leaving nothing for other customers, then SELL the items. Not using themselves or donating, SELLING. And there were several convicted of fraud for printing coupons from the paper (illegal) to use or sell to people. They ruined it for everyone else. CVS & Walgreens are the only places to save anymore
#25
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
Since I am a picky eater (which I hate, I would love to be able to eat everything without throwing it up) when I try something new at a restaurant and I'm not sure I can eat it safely, he makes sure to order something I like for sure! He is the best!
#26
#27
Ladies and Gentlemen 8 years ago
My Dad would do that just to annoy my Mom! For him, since I can remember, everything is a joke first!
Nancy E 8 years ago
I have a new oven that I can't begin to figure out ... Sabbath settings , etc . So much I don't need
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
Fancy! Sabbath settings could be useful for many situations.
Load More Replies... #28
#29
Samantha Beckett 8 years ago
My cat does this. I just make him up into the bed. He lays there for hours.
#30
Ladies and Gentlemen 8 years ago
Hahahahahaaha.. I got a good laugh on this. too much relatable!
Elle Grey 8 years ago
it's b/c they're a waste of money... and more money is wasted in wasting them.
Load More Replies...
Chyppa Homer 8 years ago
Well yeah. You destroying earth for an arm, when you got another in perfect working order
#31
Nancy E 8 years ago
When he is done, say you changed your mind . Start yours, &, ask him if he wants another one.
Morgan Brock 8 years ago
Ask for a bite, but make it the biggest bite you can fit in your mouth. lol
Max Lombardi 8 years ago
Begin as always : "Ill have a bit of yours" just when is beginning to eat one. Don't worry, he won't make a sound, we're used to the common trick acceptance policy.
Tracey Winter 8 years ago
Ha ha my other half hasn't learned to keep quiet about it yet, although he does usually make me some even if I say no. As soon as I smell the food I change my mind!!
Load More Replies... Luis Villarreal 8 years ago
Go away of that relationship!! Because if you hubby did not make an extra for you, even if you tell him not do it, do not deserve you!!!!! You ALWAYS make and extra cheese for your wife, no matter what! That's a rule!!
#32
#33
Khairul Syazwan 8 years ago
or MARRIED: "you go get the stuff, i'll wait it the car with the kids"
Load More Replies...
Trisha Dragon 8 years ago
I'd rather park in the farthest spot than drive around for an hour trying to find a closer spot.
Danny Waller 8 years ago
MARRIED: You can drop me off at the door and we will meet up in aisle 5.
#34
#35
Ladies and Gentlemen 8 years ago
ROFL! LMAO! Instantly Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp fiction came into my mind!
Gerry Higgins 8 years ago
Chicago - Cell Block Tango "Pop that gum one more time! So I fired two warning shots..into his head "
#36
Emma Perkins 8 years ago
100% my father. He spent hours upon hours cleaning before Christmas day in case someone decided to come over. No one did.
#38
Sheri Clauser Reget 8 years ago
this is us with bananas. green vs. spotted. It's all in the timing.
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
I am fortunate enough to have this relationship. Not only will he rescue me from the pickle, he will quickly give me his napkin so I can sop up the dreaded pickle juice before it sullies my fries. Bluuuuuh.
Beth Arriaga 8 years ago
Oh sweet Jesus you have scored in the relationship department! Keep him close to you before he is stolen away.... I wish I had someone to offer their napkin to sop up the nasty pickle juice. Who wants a pickle next to their sandwich!?! Ugh.
Load More Replies... 
Cheri Hayes 8 years ago
My husband and I...I hate them, he eats them. LOL!
Load More Replies...
#39
Natasha Henriksen-Jandura 8 years ago
Don't know why I immediately imagined Zack Galifianakis saying this.
#40
Chyppa Homer 8 years ago
Not china ? Where do you get such quality ? You a king or something ?
#41
Danny Waller 8 years ago
The Reason Why: Kid falls off swing and gets hurt. Mom spits on kleenex and rubs it on kids face. "You'll be fine."
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
Haha, mine sends me for the wood because he knows my OCD self will check every one for twists, scratches, dents and such.
#42
#43
Cassie 8 years ago
I take four teenagers and make them carry everything, get more than I intended, and send one to fetch a cart. ^_^
Hollie Newton 8 years ago
Its the opposite for my parents Mum:-grabs trolley or basket- Dad: "What do you need that for?!"
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
I put the BASKET in the cart to hold small items so they don't fall through the cart.
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
My partner is the one getting a basket in stead of a cart. I always say: grab the cart. In the end, I'm always right (he is the one putting in most items. I have a shopping-list before we go) we needed to take the cart. Though his THEORY is okay, he wants to use the basket so we don't buy too much. But in practice, I am right.
#44
Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
I am a girl. I hate shopping. I do not care about what I wear. I keep my hair neatly braided and like to read. Society thinks I am odd. I F ING do not care about clothes anymore than this guy.
D.S. Watson 8 years ago
I will never understand why women bring their SO shopping with them. They are miserable and no help at all.
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
Yes! No matter the gender or relationship, why would you drag a human along on a shopping trip that is boring for them?
Load More Replies... M O'Connell 8 years ago
You have to give the man points for knowing that there is no correct answer to "What do you think about this outfit?"
Load More Replies... Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
or up above, depending on how hated on I am.
Load More Replies... #45
#46
Debbie Andersson 8 years ago
Me and my boyfriend have built two IKEA dressers, guess we´re set for life.
#47
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
No way in hell. Spot closest to the door is the spot closest to the bathroom. That b***h is mine.
Hannah Dobbins 6 years ago
ROFL. I did that whenever I went on vacation and had to share a room with my brother. "Let him get taken first lol"
Lisa Marie Havener 8 years ago
My husband automatically does that. I would absolutely take the first hit for him, always!!
#48
#49
#50
Shari H 8 years ago
I have said this to my husband many times in our 26 years together. That and "the only way out is death".
André Alcântara 8 years ago
That doesn’t seem like a very healthy relationship lol
Load More Replies... Amy Hrebien 8 years ago
It's also a very common term... As in "enough already". For the use expressed, it is proper form of "our" language. Another example of the expression is "lighten up already", it's the friggin Internet. Nobody needs the grammar police.
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
Because 'already' implies something that happened before now and it's impossible to do something now that is in the past. If you're going to use our language, learn it properly.
#51
The Cappy 8 years ago
It comes on every winter and seems to be the "nothing at all wrong" indicator. I have one too ;) It doesn't ever appear indicate what it claims to indicate.
Twysted Jinx 8 years ago
It's a tire pressure sensor light. When it gets cold your pressure drops. Add air.
Load More Replies...
Bunny 8 years ago
I have this too and you are right it comes on only in the winter!! i wonder how we can figure out what it means!! Do you have a Mitsubishi?
Diane Abplanalp 8 years ago
It means the cold air (winter) has altered the tire pressure. Add a little air it will go out.
Load More Replies...
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Doesn't anyone ever read the book that comes with their car? The book tells you everything you need to know about your vehicle! Geez, people.
Samantha Beckett 8 years ago
I think it looks like a butt. The first time I saw it I was like... wth? Judgmental car. lol
Susanna Vesna 8 years ago
In my old car an exclamation mark inside a circle meant that my hand-break was on. Guess this is different
#52
Crazy Dog Lady 8 years ago
My husband and I watch Dateline/48 Hours and the like and I swear 80% of them are about husbands killing their wives for life insurance.
#53
#54
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
Yep, hubby whistles for myself and the kids when we're out and about. You can see our kids heads pop up over the racks like damn meerkats when they hear that sound. It's so funny! Nobody else in the store reacts to that whistle but us.
#55
Mikleo 8 years ago
Which anniversary, wedding, first date, first kiss, first time he did the laundry?
Cheri Hayes 8 years ago
...or the anniversary of the day he first forgot your wedding anniversary. ;-)
Load More Replies...
Beth Arriaga 8 years ago
Me either. His moms sends us a card every year and every year we open it and say, 'c**p. We forgot again!' We could put the date in sour phones, sure, but why ruin the surprise!?!
Load More Replies... #56
#57
Daria Mosyagina 8 years ago
Make a printscreen with low percentage on it and show it to your partner ;)
adoracat 8 years ago
We're on a road trip, dual charger, two lightning cords that STAY in the car, plus a cord that recharges the external batteries and Bluetooth headsets. We aren't arguing about the electronics!
Load More Replies...
Cheri Hayes 8 years ago
Linda, we add "lizard, Spock" to "rock, paper, scissors" (from Big Bang Theory). We have also been married 20 years. The extra 'lizard, Spock' adds a little naughty spice to the whole thing. LOL
Load More Replies... 
Tiffany Wilson 8 years ago
That's what my kids and I do. I can't stand it when my phone battery gets below 90% and they let theirs completely die before they'll charge it.
#58
Megan FitzKimble 8 years ago
Seriously. My fiance will move a coaster to make room for his drink. It's like he is blind to coasters. I don't get it.
#59
#60
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
There's a collection of jokes and stories about Hodji/Hajja (spellings differ, based on country and transliteration). A long-suffering wise man, his stories exist in the Middle East, North Africa, Eastern Europe, West, Central and South Asia. On his deathbed, he asks his wife to put on her nicest clothes and best jewelry. So he has a lovely vision before he dies, she asks. "No, so that when Death comes he'll think you look better and take you instead!"
#61
#62
Jon Chevalier 8 years ago
who is to watch the kids Jimmy, while she bends over the ironing board and he has his way with her.
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
WOAH. Take a valium there, chief-smoke. Why do I get the feeling you haven't gotten any in a while?
Load More Replies... #63
Shari H 8 years ago
Wife level: amateur. NEVER allow him to go wait in the car; you cannot let him win.
Cassie 8 years ago
As far as I'm concerned, it's a win win, especially if he takes the kids out there with him!
Load More Replies... 
#65
Tiffany Wilson 8 years ago
For me, it's push in your chair and turn off the light if you're the last one in the room.
Bruce Robb 8 years ago
For me, but I it's turn off the lights if you're the last one OUT of the room.
Load More Replies...
i dont want one 8 years ago
This is so true...I'm forever hitting my head on the corner of the open cabinet door!
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
For me, it's take your empty beer bottle to the damned recycle bin, which you have to PASS RIGHT BY in order to get another f-ing beer.
Leah Spaulding 8 years ago
It's how i get back at my husband for leaving beer cans in weird places for me to knock over
#66
Nina Dragon 8 years ago
Thats my sister, or doing anything she finds annoying (blowing your nose, rubbing eyes, tapping fingers)
Trisha Dragon 8 years ago
I have misophonia as well. It's OUR problem not those around us.
Load More Replies... #67
Robyn Oelofse 8 years ago
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want...if you want my future, forget my past...
#68
#69
#70
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
That sounds a lot like my grocery store trips for milk. $80 later, I have milk, but hubby thinks I spent too much on it. :P
Alice Galipo 8 years ago
I'm not allowed to go into ULTA by myself, because my one $10 eyeliner turns into at least $50 of other stuff too.
Michelle Dodson 8 years ago
Hahahahaha! My Dad & Costco. :Larry, you are no linger allowed to go to Costco unsupervised".
#71
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Yes...I always say, "In our total life span we are beautiful for about 20 minutes. In that time we meet our intended, get married & have children." Then our looks go to s**t.
#72
Megan FitzKimble 8 years ago
I don't know guys, I get pretty angry when I step on something. I just did it the other night, and I let some pretty ugly things slip out of my mouth. In my defense, that s**t really hurt & still hurts actually. IMG_1949-5...c6c64d.jpg 
#73
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Are you kidding? If you have kids...you have that stuff. I carried a backpack that held baby stuff, kid stuff, snack stuff, car stuff & my purse.
Katie Smith 8 years ago
My husband has stopped asking since he realized my mary Poppins bag can sneak really good snacks into the movies.
Load More Replies...
Yuvraj Hanspal 8 years ago
I like that everyone has simply ignored the fact that there were two hammers!!!
Lisa Marie Havener 8 years ago
WTF would you need these things in the first place? Am I missing something? lol
#74
Melanie Ramos 8 years ago
Yes. Sometimes, I can't tell my husband enough why doing certain tasks is important. He just needs to figure it out for himself. And that often involves things like falling or getting dirty.
#75
#77
Samantha Beckett 8 years ago
I would rather have one that excreted emeralds.
Load More Replies... Blue Cicada 8 years ago
But octopi don't _eat_ emeralds! But the green gems WOULD look super awesome in the bottom of their 20 gallon salt water aquarium!
Danny Waller 8 years ago
Only 20 Gallons? Go for the Big Boy 100 gallon wall tank.
Load More Replies... #78
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Here's a quick solution: make him go buy the stuff. As soon as he sees what they cost, first-hand, he'll stop. LOL.
#79
Katie Smith 8 years ago
Yeeeeeessssssss. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for eating butter on pop tarts.
Load More Replies... Beth McFadden 8 years ago
James, women just need a little something for themselves, sometimes. It's ok, precious flower, it's ok. She still loves you--just not enough to share her Pop Tarts. Can you really blame her, though?
Michelle Dodson 8 years ago
I keep my favorite cookies in the cupboard over the stove. He has absolutely no use for flour or baking materials.
#80
#81
Shari H 8 years ago
Drive around the block one more time to finish it, then shove the wrapper under the seat and throw it away at work the next day.
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
My husband does that with McDonalds. He'll buy an extra sandwich and eat it on the way home...I used to get mad, now I don't even ask.
#84
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
This is the only one so far that has made me laugh right out loud. That being said: Madam, he didn't intentionally try to screw the laundry up so he doesn't have to do it again--in fact, he's actually proud of doing a good load of laundry, please, just Behold his Majesty. ;)
Melanie Ramos 8 years ago
My husband, for anything he cleans. But our couples counselor tells me I need to act excited so he'll be motivated to keep doing it. But where's my standing ovation everytime I tidy the living room?!
#85
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
I don't get why this is a problem. I always ask when I can't find it. They are there to help too.
#86
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Husband's are experts at slipping out of sight. They learn it in boyhood 101. (I grew up with 2 brothers...I became an experienced hunter...much to hubbys dismay & taught my daughter's well)
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Love you, darlin', but you gotta step up your game. Let him out of your sight in H.D., and in your absence he'll drop $1,000 on a table saw you don't have room for and he doesn't know how to use, except for possibly to amputate a few fingers.
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
For me this is at the grocery store already. Does not really help that I'm in a wheelchair and can't look over certain things.. haha
Lisa Freeman 8 years ago
Ditto - but my power chair moves way faster than he does, making the search a lot quicker!
Load More Replies... #87
#88
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Hubby: It's the 3 Stooges! Me: No! I can't STAND them...we are NOT watching them! Hubby: My turn to choose. Me: But, they're so stupid! Hubby: That's the point!
#89
Lisa Freeman 8 years ago
£5 for a keyring attached tracker, that will also make your phone ring if you have your keys but can't find your phone. Long as you have either keys or phone, you can find the other. Saves many arguments! (Gave em as Xmas gifts to every couple I know)
Load More Replies...
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
I know where all my s**t is (irritating AF, I know), so really, it's just me helping him find HIS s**t, and him turning lights on and off for me or getting me water when my lazy a*s doesn't want to get up. It comes out even, pretty much.
#90
#92
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
This is how my MIL tells hubby she needs things done. "We should do this" and he corrects her every time, "So you want me to do what?"
i dont want one 8 years ago
Yep, that's the way my dad always said it, too!
Load More Replies... #93
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
"You know these leftovers can be taken home and turned into chicken salad then the bones can be boiled down into chicken stock."
Belle_Pandamonium 7 years ago
Do NOT NEVER EVER give your dog chicken bones!
Load More Replies... #94
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
Get creative...cut his peanut butter sandwich with a cookie cutter. "Here honey, dinners creative tonight!"
#95
#96
Jimmy Rustled 8 years ago
good for him, he made a effort to not disappoint you, he knew it was important to you and wanted to make sure he asked you about it..well done dude!!
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Jimmy's right. This kind of stuff often just isn't a big deal to guys--just as many things important to them, we could care less about. If he needs to set himself a reminder about it, so be it. At least he's acknowledging that he understands it's important to YOU, and he wants to be sure to acknowledge that. If they do this kind of thing frequently enough, they don't need the alarms anymore.
Load More Replies...
#97
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
*But he lurked around the hallways and corners to hear what the gossip was*
#98
Samantha Beckett 8 years ago
OMG.. I just set one of these things up with my brother. People in China deserve to be shot for not shipping these things pre-assembled.. and my brother is lucky to still be alive.
#100
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
I'm so glad I was married when families actually did stuff together. Like the time we gave our kids each a hammer and told them to destroy a wall in the kitchen.
#101
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
6 Kids... OMG you must some kind of Wonder Woman,! With our two toddlers, I think we're full. We wanted them, we're addicted to them, our famill is just full that way. Two adults, two kids, two cats seems balanced that way ;p
Blue Banana 8 years ago
Know what you mean. I have only the one, but have got into the habit of referring to my father as Granddad.
#102
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
"Calm down", the sentence that never had reach its goal in the History but we keep trying it, hoping the person will actually calm down... XD
Jespren Ray 8 years ago
I don’t understand people who say that; how is it that no one you know responds to ‘calm down’ appropriately? Even my 5 year old knows that when a family member says ‘calm down’ the appropriate response is to take a deep breath and reconsider your behavior. I mean, from a stranger it’s probably just insulting, but from someone who loves you being told to ‘calm down’ is a major red flag to let you know that your behavior is getting out of hand. It works exceptionally well to de-escalate a situation in my experience.
Load More Replies...
Nicole Holt 8 years ago
This is the ONE thing my husband can say that drives me completely mad.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
The other one being insisting to know why I'm mad when I was not mad before he talks ;p
Load More Replies...
#107
#108
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
Though not that good for your health. But still cute! I would be the one buying fruit and snacks.
Load More Replies... #109
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Mine thought that tossing them on the floor in front of the shower would magically send them to the utility room, that would get them into the washing machine, that would start from itself, dry them, fold them and that they would magically get themselves back in the dressing... I had to break this myth build by my step mother and she didn't like it.
Jimmy Rustled 8 years ago
kid of like the wife that drives her car expecting it to change it own oil, tires or brakes...or the grass to cut itself...
#110
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Yeah, Peter has it. Bring home pizza or tacos and you'll be her hero.
Load More Replies...
#112
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
I don't mind. They have to put it up. We put it down. Divided equally! I do not see the problem, other than it looks better put down (and I put the top down too). Especially when you get visitors. He does not complain about me putting the top down either. I guess we are lucky.
Anne Reid 8 years ago
Same! Until we caught the cat drinking out of it. The same cat who loves to kiss us. Now the seat & lid stay down.
Load More Replies...
#114
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Ladies, never ask that question. The answer is not going to be how much better his life is with you in it. It will be about sports stats, that noise his car is making, or the possibility and/or ramifications of a Marvel/DC Comics crossover. Just bury your head in his chest and enjoy the silence until the kids figure out where you are.
#116
Shari H 8 years ago
For our first 25 years together I was always freezing and he was always on the verge of spontaneous combustion. We have been together 26 years and for the past year it has been the total opposite. I do not understand how he tolerated my ice feet and the thermostat set to "broil alive" for so long, because if he closes the bedroom window because "it's December Shari" one more time I'm gonna snap.
#117
#119
#121
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Don't laugh--she's probably right. What man do YOU know that would set his wife loose in Target with impunity without an ulterior motive?
#124
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
It is fun to watch! How many times will his reflexes catch up before he drops it? Our record is 5... 5 almost drops until it smacked him right in the forehead.
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
When I fall asleep, my partner just snaps his fingers in front of my face. Sometimes it takes a few snaps according to him. I guess I'm lucky, for him not dropping my phone on my face. It happens to me enough already haha
#125
#126
#127
#128
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Shoulda just stuck with the cats, Mark. Sure, they're just as demanding, but they won't drink the pool water.
#130
#132
Dnelle1972 8 years ago
I can hear my husband fart from two rooms away... with the door closed.
#135
Alison McKenzie 8 years ago
This exact thing happened to me yesterday, after I spent ages sawing 98% of the way through a thick branch!
#136
Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
Isn't that dedication? He loved her so much he bought her a freaking tiger!!!!
#137
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
And then, most of the time when the husband suggests something. The wife does not like/want it. Luckily I am not that woman 99,9% of the time!
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Sad to admit, I AM that woman 99.9% of the time. I know what I want in life, but in all things food and entertainment, I often only know what I DON'T want.
Load More Replies... #138
#139
#142
#148
#149
Belle_Pandamonium 7 years ago
Like me 😁 I want my hb to empty the dw. I really really wants that!
#152
#154
#155
#156
Alice Galipo 8 years ago
Mine gets to fight with two large dogs and one cat that always has to sleep on my head or chest.
#158
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
Now does she do this when the kids aren't even home? I'm guilty of that. Continuously calling someone for dinner who is at band practice or a friend's house. Oops.
#164
Unwelcomed Guest 8 years ago
Facebook is literally the only way I can speak to my wife these days (on the plus side I have everything in writing now)
#165
#170
Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
ahhh ahh ahhhh nvm. JK KPTHOOOPLOFDBHGDUTLICFAWERETCOPWRFIMEOGWGRUCEXDCPIUSFLIDDRAIOHSVFCFCDFDUHJKHhygy9uohgiIUOWQERWIuiopirueutgure2ortugi5t4rqfc Have a tissue?
#172
#174
A Anne Easter-Sova 8 years ago
Husband was getting ready for work, I yelled to him in the bathroom how frustraited I was that I had yo get up to turn off his phone alarm in the other room... he comes back im the bedroom & points out his phone is by the bed, I had set my evening reminder for AM by mistake; its a good thing he loves my kind of crazy.
#177
Cheri Hayes 8 years ago
I do that on my existing phone when I want to change ringtones. My husband is very patient with me. I'm guessing that he probably has learned to tune it out at this point. :-)
#182
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
This is me, without kids! Not always though. And it is to blame to my lack of energy because of my disease.
#185
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
Just wait until he sitting in the same room and you have to do that....
#188
Jespren Ray 8 years ago
And the kids make more mess with a scrap of paper than the rollerblading, nacho eating parent!
#195
#197
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
I'm surprised it took that long.... I dragged my husband to see all the 50 shades movies :) He's glad they're over.
#207
#211
#226
#233
Cheri Hayes 8 years ago
Same here! I'd rather spend $20 on an item to get free shipping than pay $15 for shipping. :-)
Load More Replies...
#241
#247
Cheri Hayes 8 years ago
OMG! This is so true! I think I've kept Amazon in business in the last 3 months, but only because I have Prime. LOL!
#250
Analyn Lahr 8 years ago
Does that mean he likes those things? Or you do and he's bad at looking them up?
#255
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
Tell me about it.... we started sanding our kitchen cabinets and we finally got around to staining just the doors on the top and now husband doesn't like the color we picked.... our kitchen is currently cabinet door less on the top side and half sanded...it's been about 8 months...
#266
Analyn Lahr 8 years ago
I'm constantly torn between wanting a life mate and wanting to spend the rest of my life with a bunch of cats and plush dragons.
#268
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
They have yet to invent an ointment that can cure my disappointment...
Load More Replies... #269
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Yeah. What about the oral? You'd've had the Husband Trifecta. What's WRONG with the man?
#275
Analyn Lahr 8 years ago
For some reason, every time these say "narrator", I hear the narrator from Winner the Pooh.
#279
#281
Analyn Lahr 8 years ago
Coupons are the best invention! Why spend over $100 at a restaurant when you can have something more delicious for less money?
#282
Analyn Lahr 8 years ago
What counts as excessive? I used to use roughly half a can of bug spray. Now, I get a wad of paper towels while screaming "die mother f***er"!"
Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
Once I trapped a grasshopper under a box and forgot. It was in the bathroom. One month later, preparing for a shower, I bumped the box, and it popped out. I screamed and fell on my naked, goosepimply butt.
Load More Replies... Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
I just stare at it and keep eye contact until my husband comes in and kills it. You know the second you take your eyes off that spider it disappears and you can't sleep in your bedroom anymore...
#297
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
8 months later and I'm still trying to stain my kitchen cabinets....he doesn't like the color we picked anymore...
#298
Rebecca Cote 7 years ago
cuz you probably are...don't worry, you're not alone. My husband does the same...on purpose :)
Belle_Pandamonium 7 years ago
How can you s**t "making it extra smelly? ? 😁
Load More Replies...
#303
Analyn Lahr 8 years ago
Dude. Tampons are something she actually NEEDS. You shouldn't be embarrassed by being a good husband.
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Herb Eaversmells 8 years ago
You can either be single or married, the only difference is either being lonely or irritated -Richard Jeni
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
I love these new ads on BP. It means I have to wait a few seconds for them to load on every page before I can actually do anything. At least none of us are ever going to click on them.
Alex Craig 8 years ago
I am not married (we've been together 8 years) but after reading all of these I don't think he has a sense of humour. I do quite a few of these things and he just gets angry.
Susanna Vesna 8 years ago
Oh My God...So much inspiration in here to NOT get married, EVER! XD
Manish Bhatia 8 years ago
Gotta love the incompetent, weak sauce men in these examples who are afraid to stand up for what they want in life, or have so little to offer that they are afraid of being dumped. Basically, the nutshell from these is you will need to defer all major decisions to your wife, compensate for her trivial mood swings, let her control all your assets, put aside your personal goals and needs and you will be happily married for ever.
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
This is a good reminder of why I refuse to marry. When relationships get to points like these, I can just say "I think it's time we split up" and it's as easy as that.
Herb Eaversmells 8 years ago
You can either be single or married, the only difference is either being lonely or irritated -Richard Jeni
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
I love these new ads on BP. It means I have to wait a few seconds for them to load on every page before I can actually do anything. At least none of us are ever going to click on them.
Alex Craig 8 years ago
I am not married (we've been together 8 years) but after reading all of these I don't think he has a sense of humour. I do quite a few of these things and he just gets angry.
Susanna Vesna 8 years ago
Oh My God...So much inspiration in here to NOT get married, EVER! XD
Manish Bhatia 8 years ago
Gotta love the incompetent, weak sauce men in these examples who are afraid to stand up for what they want in life, or have so little to offer that they are afraid of being dumped. Basically, the nutshell from these is you will need to defer all major decisions to your wife, compensate for her trivial mood swings, let her control all your assets, put aside your personal goals and needs and you will be happily married for ever.
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
This is a good reminder of why I refuse to marry. When relationships get to points like these, I can just say "I think it's time we split up" and it's as easy as that.
You May Like 32 Wedding Photos So Cringeworthy They Broke The Internet 81 Funny Music Tweets To Get Your Mood In A Flow 50 Jokes About Being Married That Are Funny Even If You're Not
Mariia Tkachenko
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Related on Bored Panda
