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Mormonism traces back to the 1800s, when Joseph Smith claimed to restore Christ’s church on Earth. Today, followers believe it’s led by living prophets and apostles.
But along with faith comes a strict set of rules—no alcohol, no smoking, not even tea or coffee. Even swearing is off-limits. Some say the level of control feels uncomfortably close to a cult.
And when you’re not part of it, it’s only natural to wonder what really goes on behind closed doors. That’s why two former members, u/foundinthemists_ and u/CupOfExmo, took to Reddit to answer people’s biggest questions, from the pressure they felt inside the church to how it felt walking away.
Here’s what they shared.
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#4
Dr Jimmy 03 4 months ago
Mmm, yes. The LDS church officially acknowledging the existence of, and allowing membership to, African Americans happened during my lifetime. (I was a teenager at the time.) "Shameful" is not a strong enough pejorative for this.
#5
Richienotsorich 4 months ago
The USA is the biggest cult going. Pledge of Allegiance, the American Dream, belief in one god written on the money and the police cars, free to health care is socialism, being in a militia is essential...absolutely bizarre.
#7
#10
Devon Archer 4 months ago
I am a member of the Church who grew up outside of Utah but moved to Utah. I wish I could just give you a big hug. Utah is such a strange place and has so many bizarre ideas that people just believe is fact and doctrine etc but it's actually not so extreme as they make it. I stay with the church because I feel peace when I read the Book of Mormon and other scripture. I also think that people fail to remember that all are alike unto God and everyone will go to a beautiful heaven where they are the most comfortable! You do you girl and if the church doesn't work for you, you don't have to work for the church. People are obsessed with perfection and it's like, we're just people, life is hard and people make mistakes all the time. Just be kind and don't try to force people to do anything. Too much force in Utah. It should just be you are invited to do this, but it's up to you. If you don't do things in the church then we love you anyways!
#14
person (i think) 4 months ago
In my family’s experience, they are nice to your face but have the opinion of “since you are not Mormon, you are not real people,” and are totally fine stealing, etc from you because of that. (Again, this is specifically my family’s experience)
#15
Mel in Georgia 4 months ago
Funny story. Grew up where there are few Mormons. It was in the 80s when I saw these two young men, smartly dressed, with short hair, riding bicycles together. I thought, "Oh look how cute those gay men are!" Realized much later that they were Mormons on a mission!
#18
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I seems like the lack of s*x education works in their favour if it means childless couples, who would otherwise not be as important because they aren't 'bringing Mormon souls to Earth', will be in the church's favour again.
#21
Becca not Becky 4 months ago
For me, it's been helpful to be less focused on unlearning the toxic things but rather taking the good principles (i.e. serving others) and reframing my mindset based on those.
#22
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
My family were all Christians, although my dad hadn't been to church since before I was 8, and I'm not sure how long he hadn't been a believer. My mum and I are still Christian, a very progressive denomination with high social justice ethos. Two of my brothers died as children and did believing they would go to heaven. My dad, sister and third brother are all agnostic now, though my brother was confirmed as a Christian when he was about 18. They all believe there is a higher being out there, though they don't know what and they don't feel the need to look more into it. My mum is sad my siblings don't describe themselves as Christian and won't go to church if she invites them, but that doesn't really change how she feels about them.
#24
Becca not Becky 4 months ago
OR that strategy could have the opposite result. Put a sign on your door. (I like the ones that went viral a few years back saying "we have our beliefs, we know who we are voting for, we don't need a water softener, so unless you are selling girl scout cookies, SCRAM")
#25
Richienotsorich 4 months ago
Could just be his personality, doesn't have to be the Mormon on him. Needs to be taken to one side and say we get it, but try to be Bob who happens to be a Mormon rather than Mormon Bob!
#29
Richienotsorich 4 months ago
It's like having a security blanket pulled out from under you. Similar to a relationship ending. Eventually you reach rock bottom and realise things will only get better from here on in.
#33
Mel in Georgia 4 months ago
My granddaughter went to a Christian private school for a few years because local schools are bad and there's no non-Christian option in the area. It definitely had a brainwashing aspect to it, and GD did not hesitate to tell a close adult family friend that they were going to h ell because they didn't accept Jesus in their heart. Quite confidently! She's now in public school and doing well.
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Megalodon Meg 4 months ago
Ex Mormon here. I was fortunate enough that my parents, especially my mom, were loving and caring and overall accepting. The church, not at all. I got pregnant at 17 out of wedlock and while Mom was supportive and excited (Dad had already passed years prior) our new congregation was not. We moved in with my mom's mom after my dad passed and she was still in good standing with the church and my mom desiring that sense of community and love and assurance that something comes after all this started going back to church and even temple. Was very devoted but again, never forceful with us kids and absolutely loving and accepting of everyone, openly condemning some archaic beliefs and rules especially around POC and LGBTQ and i would attend with her because she enjoyed the company and during services we'd write notesback and forth about life and advice things. Well, I get pregnant. She's the best. Obviously eventually the church finds out. Shockingly, this didn't immediately lead to my
Megalodon Meg 4 months ago
Excommunication. However, several church members had slyly recommended I give my son up for adoption as "i wasn't fit or prepared to raise a child "given the circumstances "" This was mostly brushed off. However, one day a prominent member called my mom and went into a tirade about how I wasn't fit, my son was a b*****d, my mom wouldn't be able to have a parental supporting role as clearly something went wrong with me blah blah blah. Well, this made my very sensitive and loving mom cry. And f**k that. I marched my teenage pregnant a*s to the lady's home and tore her a new one. After that the comments stopped. But then, very much a pariah, I came out fully to my mom as bi at the time realize I'm pan now but whatever. She didn't care obviously. Her mom found out though, told the church, and the church said either I step away myself or they excommunicate not just me but my mom as well as her mom. I stepped down because duh even though mom said hell no f**k these people but I knew how much
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 4 months ago
While my experience and story are different from OP, this resonated with me better than a lot of others I've read. I appreciate that she was so willing to share.
Megalodon Meg 4 months ago
Ex Mormon here. I was fortunate enough that my parents, especially my mom, were loving and caring and overall accepting. The church, not at all. I got pregnant at 17 out of wedlock and while Mom was supportive and excited (Dad had already passed years prior) our new congregation was not. We moved in with my mom's mom after my dad passed and she was still in good standing with the church and my mom desiring that sense of community and love and assurance that something comes after all this started going back to church and even temple. Was very devoted but again, never forceful with us kids and absolutely loving and accepting of everyone, openly condemning some archaic beliefs and rules especially around POC and LGBTQ and i would attend with her because she enjoyed the company and during services we'd write notesback and forth about life and advice things. Well, I get pregnant. She's the best. Obviously eventually the church finds out. Shockingly, this didn't immediately lead to my
Megalodon Meg 4 months ago
Excommunication. However, several church members had slyly recommended I give my son up for adoption as "i wasn't fit or prepared to raise a child "given the circumstances "" This was mostly brushed off. However, one day a prominent member called my mom and went into a tirade about how I wasn't fit, my son was a b*****d, my mom wouldn't be able to have a parental supporting role as clearly something went wrong with me blah blah blah. Well, this made my very sensitive and loving mom cry. And f**k that. I marched my teenage pregnant a*s to the lady's home and tore her a new one. After that the comments stopped. But then, very much a pariah, I came out fully to my mom as bi at the time realize I'm pan now but whatever. She didn't care obviously. Her mom found out though, told the church, and the church said either I step away myself or they excommunicate not just me but my mom as well as her mom. I stepped down because duh even though mom said hell no f**k these people but I knew how much
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 4 months ago
While my experience and story are different from OP, this resonated with me better than a lot of others I've read. I appreciate that she was so willing to share.
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