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Humans are fascinating creatures. Not only are we all willing to go to great lengths to get what we want, whether it’s getting promoted at work or landing a date with your crush, we sometimes do it on purpose.
In fact, some people are very well aware that making others like you and helping you achieve what you want is a sort of skill to be learned. And this is all thanks to a handful of psychological tricks they use in everyday life, whether it’s getting a stubborn toddler to sleep or advancing in one's career.
In these two illuminating Reddit threads, here and here, people are sharing simple and harmless psychological tricks they swear by that help them to thrive in everyday life.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
This may sound ridiculous but it has helped me immensely.
I get terrible anxiety attacks from time to time, and my brain basically convinces me I’m seconds away from dying. When I start to go down this spiral, I tell my brain in Samuel L Jackson’s voice “I don’t remember asking you a GODAMN thing!”
Ever since I started doing this I find myself either chuckling or feeling empowered that I told my brain to stfu for once
Elvira 2 years ago
Mine is Ru Paul's voice: "What other people think about you is none of your god-damned business!"
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
Mine says "If they ain't paying your bills, pay them no god-damn mind" in exactly the same voice.
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Ricardo Ferreira 2 years ago
Brain: "Are you going to sleep?" Me: "Yeah, now shup up MOTHERF*CKER!!!" Brain: "Ok... jeez."
LapCat 2 years ago
I could have tried this advice yesterday. I’m going through the worst crisis of my life and have started getting anxiety attacks out of the blue where my heart rate just won’t slow down, my hands get clammy and I feel impending doom.
Noname 2 years ago
You could also try this breathing exercise of "in through the nose out through the mouth" but focusing on smelling your favorite scent and blowing out either candles or bubbles.
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Bonniebluebutler 2 years ago
One of my favorite lines from that movie. Along with "checkout the big brain on Brett!"
A gay cat man 2 years ago
two words, one (amazing) amazing song: Basket Case. I listen to it whenever I have a panick attack (if I cant I just sing it to myself) and it helps
RELATED:
#2
If you whisper to a crying toddler, they'll quiet down to hear what you're saying.
If you make your words almost imperceptible, they will really quiet down. And if you mumble and throw in some words like "ice cream" or their favorite TV show, it works even better.
EDIT: I'm shocked at how many replies said "this also works in a prison on inmates".
Amanda Cox 2 years ago
Most inmates have suffered significant traumas that have rendered them very much like toddlers so it makes sense. Rehabilitate >punishing
Fenchurch 2 years ago
Can confirm. I work with homeless and ex-prisoners a lot. People always say they are lazy and just not trying hard enough to get a job or housing. But I have been doing the work for years and can honestly say that we are often dealing with someone that is mentally and socially about 12 years old or younger. They just look like they are 20, 40, 60 years old….but they are functioning like someone who dropped out of junior high when math, reading and reasoning skills became too hard for them. A lot of what we do is teaching them how to manage emotions and not throw away progress just because they are upset about something someone did to them. Which is often a symptom of childhood trauma. “Someone looked at me funny, so I am going to go live in the woods where they can’t bother me anymore.” “My landlord doesn’t like me, so I am going to abandon my apartment before they evict me.” Ok, or we can just not yell at them when they try to talk to you about a completely normal thing.
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David 2 years ago
I also find that (not creepy) 'stranger smiling" often works. If I'm in a supermarket and walking past a little in a cart who is crying, I make it a point of looking them in the eye and smiling as I walk past. Quite often it throws them out of the cry / fuss. Best is when they smile back / giggle. I don't stop to engage because I don't want to worry the parent. Often they have their back turned, facing a shelf and don't even see. But I've had littles of my own and grandkids. Sometimes one less tantrum from a little needing a nap when you are trying to finish your shopping is gold.
Isabel Care 2 years ago
Toddlers throwing tantrums in a shop, I blow a long loud raspberry, so far has shut them all up. Probably confused because adults that they don't know don't do things like that.
#3
“How?” - I got this one from a negotiating book by Chris Voss - former FBI Hostage Negotiator, lots of parallels for parenting young kids.
How can we go to the playground if you don’t put your shoes on?
How can we put dessert on your plate when there are vegetable in the way?
How can you have fun tomorrow if you don’t go to bed?
It flips the script on my kids - instead of giving orders, I’m trying to help them get what they want (by having them do what I want) and asking them for the solution. Yeah they can get smart and give chippy answers, but you just keep asking them how….
Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
Oooo, using this today. We don't negotiate with (elementary-age) terrorists.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
Sad is when you lose that debate to a 5 yr old. Veggies... see I just move them over, my son would come up with logical not smart a answers
Petra Schaap 2 years ago
yes :-D How? Well we will put the veggies on the table, voila.
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Array Index Out of Bounds 2 years ago
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
Tetelestai 2 years ago
“How can we put dessert on your plate if you have vegetables in the way?” *tosses vegetables onto the floor* there, happy mom? And besides, you have to put dessert on a DIFFERENT plate than the yucky vegetables!! (I actually like vegetables but I’m pointing out what a child could do)
Francis 2 years ago
first question "i just walk barefoot!"; second question *throws veggis off the plate/table*; third question: but i want to have fun nooooww. Source: my nephews. i babysitted (babysat?) them for a weekend and tried exactly this...
HelluvaHedgehogAlien 2 years ago
Join the club! Your nephews sound like my baby cousins. Absolutely infuriating 7-y-o cousins who have no idea what is respect, privacy and ‘no’
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Joshua David 2 years ago
As a 44 year old man, my boyfriend uses this method on me for the same reasons. Hahaha
James Frail 2 years ago
"How can we put dessert on your plate when there are vegetable in the way?" Cue 3 year old me dumping the peas on the floor.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
If a kid knows why you're enforcing a rule they don't like, they'll be more likely to follow it
#4
The power of "Might as well..." It's particularly useful if you're depressed and don't have a lot of energy to do things.
So for example, if I get up to put food in the microwave I'm going to be standing in my kitchen for exactly 1.5 minutes. Might as well put dishes away while I wait.
If I've gotten up to grab my phone from the other room, I *might as well* take this garbage with me and put it in the trashcan. Instead of letting it pile up.
I've just gotten home and am changing out of work clothes and into pajamas. I'm already standing in my closet. The pull up bar is right there in the doorway. Might as well do one or two pull ups. (I even throw in a couple squats while I wait for the shower to warm up.)
Tetelestai 2 years ago
This logic only works positively if you say “might as well” for positive things. One negative example of using this: “I’m on my phone for school, might as well check BP”
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
This is like waiting tables: never leave the kitchen empty-handed.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
and housekeeping: take something with you when you leave an area, and put it where it belongs
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A-c Van Binsbergen 2 years ago
this was a massive pittfall for me, I quit doing this. I was doing so many things " at the same time" thinking "might as well" that I completely run myself over doing things. I now try to just..wait and do nothing from time to time, trying to bring back peace in my mind
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
I do this. Instead of feeling obliged to do something, I feels like you’re choosing to it. It feels good to have done a necessary task without fretting over it. Like patting a dog on the head and saying ‘Good boy!’😉👍🏻👍🏻
#5
Assume stupidity instead of malice.
There are a lot more stupid people than evil ones, and we all do stupid things now and then. It helps empathizing with people who did something you don't appreciate.
tuzdayschild 2 years ago (edited)
Stupid is annoying, but stupidity isn't intentional and that makes it more tollerable to me.
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eykntspel 2 years ago
Hanlon's razor. "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Steve Robert 2 years ago
Unfortunately, evil people are smart enough to get the stupid people to do their bidding, while convincing them it's for their own benefit.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Please do this for my sake. i am very stupid amd often say s****y/mean stuff that I don't mean/don't really think through. Usually I apologize, but if I don't please be aware that I'm just a dumbass
Tetelestai 2 years ago (edited)
That’s kind of why I feel bad for most mean people… Admire the intelligent, feel sorry for the stupid, and hate the real enemy!
Michael Largey 2 years ago
It's easier to guard against malice than stupidity. Malice has a predictability that stupidity never does.
Stay Off My Lawn 2 years ago
But stupidity and malice are the same to me. It doesn’t matter whether someone ran a red light and t-boned you on purpose or because they weren’t paying attention. What matters is that someone just destroyed your car, and likely your body as well.
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
Just assuming most other people are ‘stupid’ minimizes the effect when they prove you right. After all, you knew that was going to happen.🤔😉😎👍🏻
#6
Ask your son if he wants milk and he'll say no, but ask him if he wants milk in a blue cup or a red cup and he'll choose a colour and drink his milk! Magic!
LK 2 years ago
Age appropriate choices can be given from an incredibly young age. When little children have the ability to influence their own world it leads to a great less frustration.
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Barbara Skolly 2 years ago
At my old sales job we called it the "which close" as in "which option would you like...". This has served me well in many areas
Load More Replies... David 2 years ago
This works on adults. It is a very old sales tactic. NOT: "Would you like to review the quote Mr. James?" But - "Which day is better for you to review the quote? Tuesday or Thursday?" I was taught that back in the 80s and it was likely quite old then. And yes, I've used it many times on my grandkids. LOL And it was extra important for one of them. He was a bit special needs and giving him a choice (or not) could make the difference between a good day and a bad day.
White Paper Tsuru 2 years ago
Works on some patients too. Would you like to wash now or in 30 minutes?
Crazy Cookie 2 years ago
Oh trust me it does (this was done to me all the time as a kid)
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Xottel 2 years ago
We used to do this with our boss. "When can I take overtime?" was almost always rejected in general. But if we asked "Should I take my hours tomorrow or next Monday?" you made him choose. Plus, if you made a real busy day one option, you could really easy make your preferred day the other option and he would just go for it.
#7
Silence. Silence is easily the most powerful tool in conversation. Don't like what someone just said? Go silent and they'll backpedal. Want someone to elaborate when they might be reluctant? Just wait silently. They'll do it. Stay silent during a negotiation and they'll fight against themselves for you.
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
I accidentally did this and ended up with a $7000 raise. I told my manager that I was unhappy with my pay, she fought for a raise for me and came back to tell me. Once she told me I sat there for a minute thinking about it. In truth adding it up in my head as I am not always the quickest in math especially when I am angry. Before I could answer she had upped the amount. I was shocked and took the higher raise. So yes... silence can be very useful!
David 2 years ago
All true. But another thing silence does is let's the person finish their thought. It's sad how many people listen just enough to think they have the idea of what the other person is saying and then interrupt and respond to what they guess was going to be said. In my experience the people who do this the most are also often wrong about what they guessed was going to be said.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Doesn't always work. Some people take silence as "I must be right because you haven't argued against me." And it won't always work in negotiation either. They make a ridiculous offer you can't just stay silent or the negotiation just stalls as they sit there waiting for a reply.
Melissa Matusevich 2 years ago
This also works in classrooms. After a student says something or responds to a question, wait three seconds. More often than not, the student will go on to say something relevant.
Heather Talma 2 years ago
If someone stays silent when I'm talking to them I'm going to automatically assume they're not interested and stop talking.
#8
Being nice really does make life better.
I had to get a cortisone shot in my shoulder. I needed it immediately as I was in a lot of pain. Went to the ER. Doctor was cranky and told me I should have made a doctor's appt. I told him I tried but my appointment was too far away and I was in pain now. He told me I should have gone to walk in clinic. I told him they told me to go to ER. He huffed and puffed. He was overworked and tired and annoyed. I apologized for not knowing any other options. He grumbled. He gave me my shot. I thanked him. Then I said..."My grandmother would have said...today you got another jewel in your crown."....finally...he softened...smiled. Even laughed a bit. Then he sympathized with my situation and said he was sorry I was given the runaround.
I could have gotten mad...used an angry voice..sounded stern or defensive.... but instead..I was nice. Just........nice.
And it made the whole situation so much better.
BTW.. my shoulder feels much better.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
I accompanied my (extremely rude toxic narcissist) mother to her doctor's appointment today to get her second knee injection for pain. While waiting in the room for the doctor, my mother told me about how, during her first appointment, she had waited for over an hour in the room, and had then complained to the physician's assistant about the wait when the PA came into the room. Knowing my mother, she had really chewed out the PA (for something the PA couldn't control.) My mother said that the PA was then "curt" and "short" with her and that her injection had "hurt a lot" (surprise!) During today's appointment, I was able to cheerfully greet the PA before my mother could complain about the wait (about a half an hour today) or complain about something else. I ensured she did not chew the PA out for the "painful" injection that happened the last time. After the injection was over, my mother remarked at how today's injection hadn't hurt at all. Imagine that: being polite/nice to people XD
Natalia 2 years ago
You know you're allowed to cut toxic people out of your life, right? She sounds awful.
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KnightOwl 2 years ago (edited)
This! I'm always nice to everyone around me, I've always been empathetic and hate hurting people or being rude, even unintentionally. I never have problems getting help, advice etc. People will happily go out of there way to help people they think of as nice. I've been criticised for being 'too nice' or told I'm 'being a pushover' but I don't see the point in being rude or horrible to others. I'm surrounded by people who think being rude or demanding is the best way to get what they want but I don't get that way of thinking at all. (2 of my sisters, my stepmum and MIL are all massive Karens)
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
I 100% agree with this... you never know what the person helping you has been through and if you can be a little bit of sunshine in their day then you should! To many people add to the negativity!
Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
Beautiful example of empathy under pressure, and how it could heal the world, plus a burdened shoulder or two.
Jean Thompson 2 years ago
I once found my car heading towards a cyclist - or - did he assume the road was clear when he rode ahead ...? Who's fault?? I knocked him off his bike and bent the aluminium front wheel. He was so mad. I decided to take the blame. "I'm really sorry, that was such a stupid thing for me to do. Are you hurt? Can I drive you home?" "Well, I can't fit my bike in your car, can I !!!" "No, of course not, sorry". I was writing my name and address and phone number as we spoke. He phoned me a few days later to say that the damage was not so bad and had not cost much to sort out. He said he didn't want payment. What would have happened if I had shouted that it was his fault that he hadn't seen me, etc, etc. He would have said he wanted full payment for the damage. - It pays to be empathetic and kind.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Oh, hell no. I'd be like "F*ck, I'm so sorry I chose THIS day to get injured, when you happened to be - oh, I don't know, doing your job".
Poppy 2 years ago
I always keep calm and polite with people. I had an appointment with my opthalmologist yesterday for a 6 monthly check up. I'd had the pressure checked in my eyes with the nurse and I was waiting for my appointment with the doctor. I was expecting a long wait as usual. A nurse finally called me in to a room to tell me the doctor hadn't turned up (due to junior doctor strikes that day) and they are cancelling all appointments that day. I knew these nurses were going to get a lot of c**p from the other patients I just said, 'no worries, I'll wait for a new appointment.' The look of pure relief on the nurses face that I hadn't caused a fuss...
Oliver Kettle 2 years ago
The path we walk is a lonely one with people far & few between. It's better to make someone's day a little better than to win an argument.
#9
If I want to sway one specific person in a meeting, I attach my opinion to something THEY said. "I agree with Erica" or "To Erica's point earlier" makes Erica much more likely to agree with what I'm about to say next.
I use this constantly with people both up and down the chain from me.
Full Name 2 years ago
"I use this constantly with people both up and down the chain from me." What crime did you commit to deserve being put on a chain gang?
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
If I want to shut someone up in a meeting, I propose a sub-committee on their topic with them as chair. That shuts them up pretty quick.
XenoMurph 2 years ago
You just change the name of the eager intern. They are so keen to get on that he'll simply agree.
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Take me to dinner first 2 years ago
It's always "I agree with Erica" and never "how are you erica?"
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#10
When driving, always assume the other person has some legit reason to cut you off, merge late, tailgate…like maybe they are rushing to the hospital to see their daughter who is dying..you never know…just let them go, maybe they need to be there faster. No anger
GirlFriday 2 years ago
This is what my dad taught us as children. Any time we would see someone driving like crazy, my dad would announce, "That guy/gal must really have to use the bathroom." Now, it is what I think about when someone cuts me off in traffic or whatever, and I let it go. I let the incident go, nothing else.
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Annymoose 2 years ago
Not having road rage anymore has improved my life drastically. I also leave 5min earlier every day. Stuck at a stop light? No more "COME ON" ..just ope, gotta wait my turn. I'm on time and re laxed. The dude who cut me off? He probably has to poop. Godspeed, man who has to poop.
Faith Treiss 2 years ago
Do you have any tips on how to make the change? I don't want to have the road rage mentality but I'm struggling to shake it
Load More Replies... The Other Guest 2 years ago
My former BIL once told a story of how he prevented someone from passing him on the freeway. You could tell he felt quite clever and pleased with himself. My sister & I were both like, "Why? What was the point? Just let him pass! It's not gonna kill you, but p**sing him off might."
RedMarbles 2 years ago
Lots of benefit to letting someone pass. Not only do you avoid the increased risk from raising the anger level of a driver near you, you also get cannon fodder ahead of you that may catch a radar gun ahead. I'm sure some people think forcing a driver to drive less fast is safer for everyone than allowing them to drive faster, but I strongly disagree and believe a driver seeing red is one of the most dangerous drivers on the road. Plus, on a freeway in the US, you're supposed to allow faster cars to pass you in the left lane irrespective of speed (I'm assuming the BIL was holding up the left lane in this story - if the driver wanted him to move out of any other lane, that's their problem).
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DC 2 years ago
Absolutely! I hate those people who slow you down to teach you a lesson, regardless of reasons and even increasing danger way, way further than a few mph above could do. Why all the judgery, without even the chance to gather knowledge?
The Other Guest 2 years ago
When I was young and stupid (teens & early 20s) I was one of those drivers who would slow down. Not to teach them a lesson, though, but in hopes that they'd go around me. Once I hit my mid 20s I realized I was being just as big a jerk as the tailgater, as well as making an accident more likely. Now I change lanes & let them pass, usually while thinking, "Let THEM get the ticket if there's a cop ahead."
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The Chocolate Gecko 2 years ago
Better to give someone a kindness they don't deserve than to deny kindness to someone who needs it
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
I get this... I still get angry but I never let the anger lead to me driving like a crazy person. I might cuss them out in my car and beep my horn to make the aware but I continue to drive normal. Fighting fire with fire is never the answer!
#11
I like to hand people stuff while I talk to them...most of the time they unconsciously take it, only to have to awkwardly put it down later. This benefits me in no way, but i find it endlessly amusing.
M M 2 years ago
The Upright Citizens Brigade had a sketch that kind of parallels this approach... https://www.cc.com/video/zpuyqq/upright-citizens-brigade-a*s-pennies
Load More Replies... David 2 years ago
This is only sort of related but it reminded me of. In some places (Israel, Kenya - probably many more) if you are a tourist a trick the hawkers use is to hand you something or lay it on your arm. Then they won't take it back as they give you the sales speech. Their "trick" is knowing most people will not be comfortable dropping the item(s) on the ground. Your "trick" - tell them no politely. Then just start slowly lowering your hand/arm so said item will fall. They are very good at catching it just before it falls and will give up and walk away. (Also - once you know the routine, just don't let them put stuff on you in the first place)
M M 2 years ago
I've been to a couple conventions where they were handing out items... At the end of my first one, I could barely carry everything they'd given me. After the first one, one of the more experienced managers told me to just never take anything from anyone. Salespeople are sneaky
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Jennifer .S 2 years ago
Did this to my mum all the time walking home from school as a kid. Never carried my own water bottle once
#12
Have you ever heard of "don't think about your life after 9 pm"? You tend to think more negatively about your life etc. when you are tired and exhausted. Well, if i am having some rough week's or months and I notice that I start to view things in my life more negatively, I just say to myself that it's because it's past 9 pm and I just have to wait, things will probably turn out better then I expect right now
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
No, I haven’t heard it. This suggestion works? While I’m a ruminator (every possible second is used up ruminating), it gets worse (and goes as far as “scary”) at night. I didn’t know this is a “thing,” but I’ll try this tip to see whether I can at least stop the scary stuff.
Heather Resatz 2 years ago
Ya me too! I needed this information 40 years ago
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
I don't think about my life after 9 pm. Because I have no life after 9 pm.
Krzysztof Gajda 2 years ago
But I'm so energetic in the evening! I have so many ideas what to do! It's the morning when I feel like never leaving bed. Evening is positive.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
I feel more positive about my life at night. I think of all the things I can do and make all kinds of plans, but when I wake up in the morning I can barely function.
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Summer Woodsong 2 years ago
"I'll look at this in the morning with fresh eyes..." I just found this phrase a few weeks ago, I really like it. It puts off decisions and commitments until you've had a chance to breathe, think things through and make a measured response.
Bryn 2 years ago
Don't respond to important things when you're feeling any big emotion. Just got a job offer after months of searching? Don't respond 'yes' right away when you're excited. Wait a little bit and give yourself time to look over it. Same as you wouldn't respond to an email when you're blistering mad.
Esme Love and Squalor 2 years ago
This is very interesting! I usually wake up with dread and negative feelings- like about the coming work day, etc. But after some coffee and an hour or so, things start to fall into perspective and feel less terrible. Evening is when I fantasize about all the changes I'm going to make or possible new futures!
#13
When a “superior” is talking down to you, say the least amount of words as possible and stare directly at their forehead, never look them in the eyes. Keep a calm demeanor. This will absolutely destroy a superiority complex in the most subtle way possible.
Karen Startz Richardson 2 years ago
I dislike that you're anticipating being talked down to...but LOVE that you are prepared! You're better than the exchange that may take place. ❤️ 😘
Load More Replies... Becky Samuel 2 years ago (edited)
Here's a sneaky trick. You move your glance rapidly to a spot on their mouth, beard, hair, chin etc and then make the teensiest of grimaces and look back to where you were. Leave it a few seconds and casually rub or touch the spot you looked at but on yourself. By this time they will be thoroughly paranoid that they have food or something on themselves. It knocks some of the superiority out of them if they think that you can see something they can't, and they'll often want to shorten the conversation to rush off and check a mirror.
Crazy Meerkat Lady 2 years ago
I wouldn't be able to do this without laughing, but it definitely sounds like something that will work. I can just imagine how uncomfortable I would feel if someone did this to me.
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Karl Baxter 2 years ago
I’m much taller than my “superior” so I never sit down andbit forces them to look up to me 😎
tuzdayschild 2 years ago
I find it very sad that so many people commented that they are going to try this. Sad that there are so many sucky people in management.
David 2 years ago
I make eye contact. But I'm very good at keeping calm. It also works on "Karens". It infuriates some people when they try to rattle your cage and fail. When only one person is angry / being reactive they look the fool.
Comedy Clumbers 2 years ago
Remaining maliciously, infuriatingly calm is my (*)super power. Amazing how simply that breaks people into their primary ingredients: Selfishness, stupidity, and insecurity masked with aggression. (*) Well that AND that all dogs NEED ME TO PET THEM. Kind of a hassle at the airport, though. A drug screening dog's handler had to pick up the beautiful Lab and carry her away from me because she just kept flopping on my shoes, asking for bellyrubs and completely ignoring her handler. The 2nd dog, a Mal, forced his head between my feet then he, too, rolled over demanding bellyrubs! My luggage was ever so thoroughly searched. IIRC the flight might have been delayed a bit.
Load More Replies... Gozer LeGozerian 2 years ago
Used to mess with my former boss, who could be quite intimidating, by looking at his hair and then lifting one of my eyebrows as if I'm wondering what the heck is going on with his hair, and it usually made him completely forget what he was complaining about, since he was kind of a shallow person and would pick up on my "wondering" instantly
Nikole 2 years ago
I’m so glad I can also raise one eyebrow independently. It speaks volumes without me having to say a word!
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 2 years ago
Stare at their left ear and grin and they'll think you are nuts and will do almost anything to get you to depart
#14
When I meet someone for the first time, I make a point to remember something specific they told me about themselves and then ask them about it the next time I see them. It could be about their job, family, hobbies, it doesn’t matter.
You’d be amazed how much it means to people when you not only actually/actively listen, but when you can show that you were interested/cared enough to remember what they said and follow-up the next time you see them.
Heather W 2 years ago
sadly, I can remember random facts about people better than I can their name. But of course, 5 minutes ago I called the cat by my teen's name...
Sathe Wesker 2 years ago
Ha! Last night I called my fiancé by my ex’s name because he wasn’t responding to me and it slipped out in frustration as I tried to yell his name. Turns out he had air pods in and couldn’t hear me… thus he didn’t hear me call him by my ex’s name (the only ex he despises) so thank God for that.
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Michael Largey 2 years ago
This works great with students at the beginning of the year. Also years later when they come back to visit. One returning grad said "You probably don't even remember me being in your class." I immediately responded "Row by the window, fourth seat." He could then relax and talk about himself. (Confession : I had no memory of where he sat, but I knew he didn't either.)
Joshua David 2 years ago
Me too. This is always an amazing tactic. Most recently I went to the dentist for a two part separate day treatments. The assistant the first time was very excited because that day was her birthday and the second time I went back like 4 weeks later I asked her how her birthday was. Next think I know it was like working with family. It's the little things.
E Menendez 2 years ago
What also helps is to compliment them in something when you first meet them. Then they associate you with something good. Nice shirt, I like your shoes,etc.
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
Whenever someone does that to me, they're either trying to sell me something or convert me to their religion.
Gretchen Esquilin 2 years ago
This is a great trick I've mastered. I would gain clients when I was a hair stylist b/c I'd remember random facts about them. Even if my work was subpar, I'd still gain a client. LOL
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
unfortunately I meet so many people in my line of work I have to make notes in my phonebook (spouse name, kids names and ages, hobbies etc) so when I see them again I prep in advance.
#15
My girlfriend often doesn't know what she wants for dinner. So I'll tell her I'm getting dinner and it's a "surprise" inevitably she takes a few guesses and I pick one of those places.
Duckie 2 years ago
Thats actually smart, imagine- you dont know what to get your friend, so you say its a surprise and then they just tell you everything you need to know
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Leah Brown 2 years ago
Brilliant! Unless she is just listing off things that you like that she is secretly *hoping* you will NOT get. Then you have created a self-sustaining epic fail!
Kevin the Manager 1 year ago
"Hey, Sweetie! I'm going to pick up some food on the way home! Guess what I have a hankering for!" Very nicely done, OP!
#16
90% of the time I use my customer service voice instead of my normal voice. People just treat you better when you're cheery and upbeat. I also think it kinda makes me more cheery and upbeat.
mooshoflove 2 years ago
If you smile, even if feeling down, your brain gets confused and thinks that you're happy, so you start feeling better. Trick I learned while working in call centers - have a small mirror on your desk to remind you to smile. Even so, you can't please everyone. Had a customer become aggressively spicy because I was too happy for such an early time ... Lol *shrug*
StarlightPanda! 2 years ago
I had a customer upset because his groceries weren't expensive enough. Lol
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mooshoflove 2 years ago
Could it be because that's the last thing you soul wants to do, but you're forcing yourself to adult? --- I feel like that sometimes, as though I'm betraying myself..
Load More Replies... David 2 years ago (edited)
SERVERS / Customer service people. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD - PLEASE talk in a normal voice. Your customer service 'voice' should be what you say, not talking in a falsetto like you are talking to a toddler or a puppy. Also - do not reply to everything I say with "AWESOME!" or "PERRRFECT!". You: (I'm really turning on the charm on this old guy to get a bigger tip). Me: (this dumb girl thinks I'm an idiot and is talking to me like I'm a toddler. It pisses me off). Related tip - "turn on" before you are in line of sight. I've watched servers have 'normal face' across the restaurant and then 'switch on' their fake server face a few feet from the table. Super obvious / super off putting. Worst offenders are young females. I think folks get a bit more practical with age and also learn people better. Source: Me working years in customer service. Also me as a customer for many decades.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
And learn when to put the customer service voice away. "I'm here to buy flowers" "AWESOME What is the fabulous occasion" "My wife's funeral" "GREAT!"
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sofacushionfort 2 years ago
“Crucifixion? Good, good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next?”
oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago
"ah, no. freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I could go free and live on an island somewhere."
Load More Replies... Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
Oh man I do this too. I worked in retail for a long time and I know what it's like to work the service industry. So I put on a nice smile and speak in my customer service voice and I always end up getting the best service. I have even had employees bend over backwards to help me just because I am being "nice" you would be surprised how far a smile and kind word can get you!!!!
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
This works in other conversations. As a narrator or presenter, I learned to smile when delivering the content. This makes a difference to the quality of the content and its perception by the receiver.
Kymberley Caligari 1 year ago
I haven't been in hospitality for 12 years now, am now in healthcare, but I've found "the voice" doesn't go away. I can't switch it off when I'm at work and I become "that nurse with the long hair that's a ray of sunshine" (I'm human though, I do have my off days, but mostly I'm referred to as chirpy or bouncy)
Kevin the Manager 1 year ago
Hearing positive things in a cheery upbeat voice has a definite effect on how one feels. This is why positive self-affirmations (even though they've been given the "goofy" treatment by popular culture), do actually work.
#17
When dealing with customers, I do a lot of "positive language" EX: It's never "sorry for your wait" more "Thank you for your patience". I am pretty good with customer service, often have my name mentioned positievely in Google Reviews, and my boss points me out to the new guy as "the one we need to be like" for customer service
john s 2 years ago
I've seen this a lot. Personally, sometimes an apology is much better. Admitting you messed up, or wasted my time - that can be a powerful thing (esp top > down). It's finding the balance.
Serendipity911 2 years ago (edited)
Have you worked in customer service? I was the manager for a team and for some reason saying 'thank you for your patience' was more effective. Anyone on our team that apologised was 9/10x attacked by the customer. Admitting mistake allows the majority of customers to go into attack mode when it often isn't the fault of the customer service rep. There may be the rare person who is appreciative but its not very often. Even if I wanted to apologise I wouldn't, only because experience has taught me better.
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Des 2 years ago
If someone says 'thanks for your patience' I will 100% grumble to myself I'm not patient! If you say sorry for making you wait, I'm a lot more likely to say No problem. Am I the only one?
Surenu 2 years ago
Yeah. When I'm late for something, I have three different responses. People who look well-adjusted get the trick described in the post, people who already look annoyed get an apology, my boss gets a "Your fault for making me do three things at once"
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Shelli Aderman 2 years ago
Yes, AND, if YOU are the one who’s late, it’s important to take responsibility for it…
jennifer brinkman 2 years ago
People apologize too much until they don't matter. Don't apologize unless it's meant!!
Iva Kazalova 2 years ago
Does anyone ever think that you’re just the buffer zone, it’s not my fault we’re short staffed and that lady before you didn’t know what she needed, I’m not apologising for something that isn’t my fault 🤨 go complain to the fat cats whose pockets are getting lined up off slave labour, f**k customer service and f**k retail
Serendipity911 2 years ago (edited)
Apologising doesn't work in a b to c environment. I don't know the science but 10+ years of managing teams for customer service has taught me positive language is more effective. The only times apologies can be better is when you are working with a company or a professional. Most people that worked as a customer rep or in customer service in any way can attest to the same.
#18
If you're regularly considered a bit strange, (not in a bad way but out of left field sometimes strange) lean into it rather than trying to hide it completely (if it is acceptable/safe to do so). Hidden strangeness that slips out of the mask can be off-putting, strangeness used tactically can make you a loved coworker
I work in an internal medicine clinic and my practice manager gave me my employee review, it was specifically noted that I lighten the mood of the office by making jokes and comments to the benefit of other staff
I caww at the passing nurses and they all make sounds back at me, I referred to samples as "danger candy" making a provider chuckle on a hard day, a nurse and provider came to thank me for helping them get needed patient records quickly and I told them "I don't want your thanks, I want you to acquire me a venomous barb from the hind leg of a platypus" -cue 10 minute long conversation about why I even know about that-. Everyone jokes more, I would like to think everyone is a little less stressed
I was constantly bullied through school until around highschool for being the odd one, now jobs want to keep me around and give me the benefit of the doubt when I struggle with my mental health. Not everything can be turned into a strength but I'm glad I could do it with this
SkekVi 2 years ago
It is so refreshing to see someone advise 'being a weirdo is positive actually' thank you OP I needed to be reminded that being A Silly Little Guy is in fact still a valued role in society.
oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago
I love being a Silly Little Guy around my friends, haven't got up the confidence to spread the silliness to the general public yet
Load More Replies... Binky Melnik 2 years ago
I prefer the term “odd” insteada “strange,” as the latter word has more negative connotations. Just being a little unusual is often good for smiles, laughs, and starting conversations. (It’s also the only way I know how to talk to kids.) Smiling alao makes the day go by quicker than frowning does.
Isabel Care 2 years ago
I have added weird, witchy and fantasy hats so people get a warning of what's just arrived. I went in to have my wisdom teeth removed. They had no gowns or stockings to fit my huge frame (before I covered it in blubber). One gown on the right way and one on backwards, both cutting off the circulation in my biceps. A blanket was wrapped round my legs, and the stockings laid on top. "Mr X will be so angry that we can't get the stockings on" I replied "That's because he doesn't want to be the only one wearing them". Giggles all round. A different hospital stay, a male nurse asked "Do you mind me doing this as a man?" "You can do it as a penguin for all I care. As long as you are trained and not frightened of fatty deposits, carry on"
Crazy Meerkat Lady 2 years ago
I was told since I can remember that I am weird, and whenever I asked "why?" the answer was always simply "I don't know, you're just weird". So years later I've accepted it, but still can't determine why or how exactly
Kymberley Caligari 1 year ago
That's me! After yeeears of torment and bullying I got sick of attempting to hide myself (and I wasn't good at it). Now I'm that chirpy chatty nurse with the long hair that wears earrings that match her socks every shift
Kevin the Manager 1 year ago
Throwing off the reins of "normal" can be SO liberating! I was a goofy kid, but stuffed it down for the sake of adhering to typical peer behavior. OP's advice to "lean into it" is wonderful! Having done so, I enjoy a far more comfortable daily life experience. Just last night, I found an extra hat in my bike bag, and wore 2 for the evening. Lots of looks, silly comments, puns, and questions from my kiddos. What a fun night, filled with laughter, silliness, and smiles!
rodger coghlan 2 years ago
I worked as a CSR for the IRS and once pissed-off a taxpayer by making him laugh - h$7ke really wanted to be angry about the $7k tax bill but I told him "We won't even fire up the black helicopters for less than $30k" (my manager wrote me up - black helicopters are not funny)
#19
I guess I would call it using inertia. It’s a million times easier to keep doing something once you have started. So if I don’t feel like working out I tell myself I’ll just do a short work out. Or if the dishes need to be done I’ll tell myself to do one. More often than not once I start doing something my brain stops fighting so much against it.
The important thing though is to let yourself only do the short workout or that one dish if you start and still are fighting yourself. Otherwise you just don’t start in the first place because you know you are really talking about doing the whole thing.
White Paper Tsuru 2 years ago
Yup. In my worst stage of depression, my sister would set a 5 min timer for me to clean with her. And when it went off I could go back to bed. Most times I didn't go back to bed. Would have a bite to eat, since I was up, etc
Yeet_girl360 2 years ago
Your sister sounds like an angel, bless her. Hope you are doing well, too. :)
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Nayla Kanaan 2 years ago
I do that for running. I’ll think to myself just to that mailbox then you can turn around but then when I get to the mailbox I would think something like ok just to that tree etc
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I find that playing music whilst doing the things I'd rather not helps a lot. It's amazing how little time it takes to do a sink full of dishes when you're singing along and bopping.
Crazy Meerkat Lady 2 years ago
Now THIS..... is something that will work for me, I just know it
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
Wow, I am so glad someone posted this. I am the same way. I hate getting up super early to work out and I always tell myself that a half assed work out is better than no workout. Of course by the time I get started I put my all into it but it totally works!!!!!
Petra Schaap 2 years ago
i read a great book about this, i think it was called "micro goals". Really interesting!
Lene 2 years ago
When my depression was greatest and I had to do the dishes I always told myself to just clean what I had used that day +one thing. It usually ended up being what I had used that day + a few things. Really helped me keeping the pile from getting out of hand even when I felt like my mind was about to explode. :)
#20
My teacher friend told me this trick years ago and it works every time. Instead of asking a child something like ‘Can you put that back please?’ You say ‘Put that back thank you.’
When it’s phrased as a statement as if they’ve already done so, rather than what sounds like you begging them to do something, they’re more likely to do it. This tiny phrasing manipulation works really well and is not obvious to the children.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
I'd add "Please" in front of the desired action. "Please' and "thank you" are considered "magic words".
majandess 2 years ago
In a similar vein, don't ask a child if they want to do something you want them to do. Don't ask, "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Just announce that it's time to go to the bathroom (and do it yourself!). Don't ask if they want to put their shoes on to leave, just announce that it's time to put shoes on so you can leave (and put your own shoes on yourself).
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
Trick for dealing with people, especially men (sorry), want something done…don’t ask….inquire if they WOULD DO (not could) .Would you get the ketchup for me?….This puts them in charge and men love it. (Sorry guys) It is now their choice to do or not to do. Mostly they just do it and feel good for making a chivalrous decision. Works with women too😉.
#21
When giving options, give a subtle nod to the option you want them to pick.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I say my top two choices first and last, and my least favorite in between.
#22
Choice paralysis destroys people and renders them unable to do anything. It is far easier to make a choice between two options than every option.
So don't give them every option. Change from open ended questions to multiple choice.
"Do you want to do this or do you want to do that?" Instead of "What do you want to do?"
"I'm thinking of watching this or watching that tonight" instead of "What would you like to watch this evening"
Works on yourself pretty well too. "Are you going to start cleaning the house by vacuuming or taking out the trash?" leads you to make a decision, and look at that you've already done something.
Mental momentum is a serious thing. It's easier to do things if you're already doing something. So instead of confronting the grand tapestry of things you can do, pick two at random and force yourself to choose one. You'd be surprised how quickly you do the second thing as well after completing the first, because you're already working so why not keep working?
White Paper Tsuru 2 years ago
When my fiancée and I are trying to decide on dinner. One person does the top 5 options, the second top two of 5 and the first picks the final.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Please whenever I'm asked what I want to eat I ALWAYS ask what the options r because that's too wide of a category
majandess 2 years ago (edited)
As a related skill, teach yourself how to exclude information. If I'm looking to purchase a new vacuum, I make a list of what I want (must have long reach for high ceilings, must have pet brush attachment, must be blue, or whatever...), and I don't consider options that don't qualify. It might seem obvious, but I've seen people who can't list what they want, and so they get themselves in a hole of reading reviews and ratings and ultimately end up buying products that aren't what they want and don't actually work for what they need.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
I do this subconsciously with my boyfriend. I sort of worry that I'm not giving him enough choice but it's what I would want in his situation
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
Cook what you want in the first place and they can either eat it or cook for themselves. It's the only way to deal with humans.
#23
Neuroplasticity... the ability to literally change your brain by what you think about. I used to be constantly negative, and it turns out negative thinking eventually becomes habitual. It changes the connections in your brain. It all starts with the brain. It all starts with how you think. You can form new and healthy pathways in the brain if you can change how you think.
SarDemMin 2 years ago
I've heard it works great for some people with depression. I'm starting it soon.
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Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Two strategies: 1. "It could be worse" applied to the situation 2. "I am grateful for...." / "I have learned that....." applied to the situation. There is usually some good that can be found.
majandess 2 years ago
Yes. The gratitude especially is a thing. And being grateful for small stuff is 100% allowed. Coffee, scissors, glue, my washing machine, and my mug are all things that made my list this morning.
Load More Replies... RedMarbles 2 years ago
I know neuroplasticity is very real and I work on this myself, but I just want to point out there are many people not mentally healthy enough to practice this where they're currently at. To use an obviously extreme example, you can't tell a schizophrenic who is hallucinating things that want to harm him to be positive. Or someone suffering from clinical depression. Their brains just aren't working well enough to be able to do it. Just wanted to point out that it takes a certain level of mental health to put this into practice. I know it can be one of the worst things to say to someone struggling with their own brain that they should think optimistic thoughts as it can make them feel even worse.
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 2 years ago
Squirrels. Stephen Lang as Quaritch MkI. When I need to derail my negative train of thought Mr Lang will do. It shocked me that I looked at a pretty picture of a character and had an almost overwhelming urge to sketch...I can't draw. Whatever works. Showed my lock screen to some nurses and they wanted copies. Didn't know they were artists. Interesting play of light and shade on the muscles, made everyone smile
#24
My son won’t eat dinner, but he will eat a snack. Dinner is now called snack time for everyone.
SkekVi 2 years ago
Oh I do this to combat ED! There are no mealtimes there is just 'getting a food'. I call it Mealtime Anarchy.
David 2 years ago
I'm not sure why someone downvoted you. What you said is true. REAL Baltic amber contains succinic acid - which is what the belief is based on. But no study shows how much is released or if it has any effect + the beads are a potential choking hazard.
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Becky Samuel 2 years ago
I'm so tired of people downvoting things they either can't be bothered to research or just haven't read properly. Although your comment could have explained a little more for clarity, it's a completely reasonable statement.
Load More Replies... #25
I listen more than I talk.
Isabel Care 2 years ago
First (and only with him) therapy session. Guy didn't even greet me. We sat in silence for an hour. I also found him offensively beige. NHS seemed to have no other option but him or group therapy with a different refferee. I got to make myself go to a room with other people once a week for a year.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
I really try to, but I just have a lot to say. I'm genuinely interested in other people, but I just talk a ton. Idk how to not
Carla Phillips 2 years ago
Talk less... smile more... don't let them know what you're against or what you're for. Aaron Burr from Hamilton
Joda 2 years ago
To listen more than talking is virtuous in a way, but as a psychological trick, it seems sociopathic
RedMarbles 2 years ago
I would say it's more than virtuous and allows you to learn more, improve your connections, and raise your esteem in others' eyes. That may in turn help get you what you want, but it seems like everyone wins even if you don't.
Load More Replies... #26
Idk what the name for the trick is, but it’s a way to remember tasks to do that you might forget.
Let’s say you have to take the garbage bins out after work because it’s trash day tomorrow, but you know you’re gonna forget by the time you get home. Take some random object and put it in a place where you know you’ll see it when you get home. Like throw a box of food or the TV remote at the top of your staircase. When you get home, you see the random object and immediately remember that you need to take the trash out.
Or let’s say you need to run to the pharmacy on the way home from work to fill a prescription. Throw some random object in your car on the drivers seat. You get off work, hop in your car, and immediately remember to drive to the pharmacy when you clear off your seat.
I can’t come up with any examples for actually important stuff but you get the idea.
Annymoose 2 years ago
Here I am just putting a reminder on my phone so it buzzes me at the right time
Crazy Cookie 2 years ago
A. I like your username. B. I recently discovered you can set it to remind you at a place, not a time, such as when you get home or when you’re in the car (you probably knew this but I think it’s cool)
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OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
What works for me is i put my wedding ring on my other hand while repeating in my head what i need to remember. Then once that task is done, put the ring back on the finger it belongs on!! Some people do the same with a wristwatch but i don't wear a watch all the time.
Leah Brown 2 years ago
I need to remember to file those divorce papers today... file the divorce papers... 😅
Load More Replies... Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
If I think I'm going to forget where I put something, as I'm putting it down, I imagine myself frantically looking for the item and coming back to the spot where I laid it. Almost like spreading a "Hansel and Gretel" trail of crumbs for my brain to find its way back to the object.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Stick a post-it note saying "Take out the trash" on the fridge or the tv or your pillow? If you use the fridge you can even skip the post-it note. Just use an erasable whiteboard marker on the fridge to write the message.
#27
People are more likely to do what you ask them to if they have already done something for you in the past, no matter how small.
So if you want to butter someone up for a big ask, do a lot of little ones first. Just like "Hey, can I borrow your pen?" or "Could you hand me that, please?".
Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
It is also said that this can help you remember someone's name. "So-and-so, may I borrow your pen?" Brain-wise, we are more likely to remember those we need something from.
#28
Tell someone you only have two minutes to talk, and then start your conversation. The false time pressure can make them pay much more attention.
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
Sam Lefrak, the great real estate mogul was one of my clients-- Sam used to set a strict agenda, take out all the chairs, limit the the meeting to 5 people or less, and at the end of 15 minutes, walk out-- Man do I miss Sam.
Robert K 2 years ago
I HATE shoulder taps. "Do you have a minute?" or "Can i borrow you for five minutes?" is a ploy. If you agree to 5 minutes, then STICK TO THAT TIME! If someone says "do you have 5 minutes" and then start stretching that time - simply say you have to get to another commitment and get them to schedule time. If you dont - they will always assume you'll give them all the time they take.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I was told in a business seminar that if you wanted someone's attention (usually a higher up), to ask if they had 7 minutes to spare. Got me promoted more than once.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Or use verbal cues, such as media interviewers use: "Before I let you go...."; "And, to wrap things up....." etc.
#29
I have a tendency to overeat. To combat this I do two things that help. I use smaller plates for meals and when I'm out I tell myself that if I'm still hungry after the main dish I'm ordering I'll get that appetizer that sounds so delicious.
Hawkmoon 2 years ago
I only have this with pasta. If I overdo it, I eat it. Impossible to tell me to leave some for the next day, I don't listen to myself. Keep talking. Pasta can't wait. Pasta are here and now.
Sue User 2 years ago
I make a big pot of sauce, some to eat now, some to freeze. Always end up eating it all.
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The Other Guest 2 years ago
When going out, ask the server to bring a to-go box with your meal. Put half your food in it before you start to eat. At home, take your serving and then put the rest away; you'll be less likely to take seconds if everything's already in the fridge.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
If the to-go box contents are freezable, put the box in the freezer as soon as you are at home. (Battle note from a veteran).
Load More Replies... Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
I bought these tiny little appetizer forks and spoons. It slows down your eating which allows the satiation signal to reach your brain so you feel full before you eat more than you need. Sounds silly but it works.
Petra Schaap 2 years ago
it also works the other way round! When my boyfriend had corona he was feeling miserable and he didnt want to eat, what made him feel more miserable. We have all kinds of different plates (you know you break one and just buy random new one) I took the biggest plate we had and put a bit of food on it, looked like almost nothing and it worked :-)
Kevin the Manager 1 year ago
Fiber supplement! Metamucil (or it's generic equivalent) has been an amazing addition to my routine. From slowing digestion and making me feel fuller, to helping me make the switch to more veggies/less meat, it has been an inexpensive and extremely worthwhile addition to my day!
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I eat too slowly to overeat. By the time I reach what should be my limit, I'm full but not uncomfortably full, which is perfect. A good trick to slow down your eating speed is to put the utensil down after each bite.
#30
When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.
If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact they will usually continue talking.
#31
To judge someone by their intentions instead of judging them by their actions. My dad taught me this when I was a little kid. He’s a big “Tinkerer” as he calls himself. He loves doing projects, almost to the likes of Doc Brown. I was maybe 7-8 and my dad was working on a clock. He had got this really old clock, maybe from the 1800s, and was going to stick it inside of an old wagon wheel from the the 1700s. He’d taken it apart and had everything set up, took him a few days to do so. I went into the garage when he wasn’t home and decided to get the project started for him because he’s my dad and I love him. Ended up dropping everything. The gears in the clock spilled out and the wagon wheel broke apart. He came home and asked what happened and I told him I dropped it while I was trying to start the project. He just exhaled and cleaned it up. I wasn’t punished or anything. A few years later I asked him why because I would’ve been pissed if my kid did that to my project, the clock and wheel were easy a few hundred dollars. His reasoning, why would I punish you when you were just trying to help. I use this constantly in my life. Recently when my kids used a sharpie on the wall to write about how much they love me and when my girlfriend kills my tomato plants because she trimmed them too much since I wasn’t able to due to working extra shifts at work.
Annymoose 2 years ago
This!!! I don't care you accidentally broke a glass. Are you ok? Good, let's clean it up together. My parents would punish and yell for accidents. Horrible feeling. Not on my watch! Things can be replaced. People won't forget how you made them feel.
kay s. 2 years ago
i had to teach my partner that accidents are not malicious and they happen OFTEN when you have small kids. i call it a teaching moment. it USED to go: spilled you water at dinner? WHY did you spill you water?? WHY?? now the table's all wet! why would you do that?? now it's: spilled your water at dinner? it's ok! go grab the towel and let's clean it up together, then we'll refill your cup.
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TheElderNom 2 years ago
My mother is a huge fan of cast iron pots and pans. When I was 9-10 we had just moved. My mother had to leave to do something urgent. I decided to be helpful whole she was gone so I unpacked and washed kitchen stuff, including all her cast iron pots and pans. To me they felt all greasy so I used lots of dish soap until they were perfectly clean. If you don't know, cast iron is supposed to be basically greased and is usually washed with hot water, no soap. So I had mainly created more work for my mother, not less. But she was very kind about it.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
My parents insist that I do stuff on purpose qnd punish me anyways I wish they were like this
#32
When something s****y happens, I tell myself 'there's no bad days'. Like basically hey, this one thing sucked, but no day is inherently bad, and you only think it is cuz you don't always notice the stuff that goes right- you didn't spill coffee all over yourself in the gas station this morning, you didn't lose your wallet or keys leaving the house. Every day can have bad moments, but one thing doesnt represent a whole day. Idk, i kind of realized that the moment you tell yourself you're having a bad day, you focus on and overemphasize every minor inconvenience or small mishap, and put yourself in a s****y mood over a few little things. Don't let stupid s**t kill your vibe, no bad days.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Alright but I think the time I went to the ER for 11 hours because I ripped my arm open on glass was a bad day
Lene 2 years ago
I had a therapist once who told me that there is no "bad days". There may be a bad morning or a bad afternoon. But I should stop expecting the whole day to be bad if the morning was bad because the rest of the day can still be good. Or remembering yesterday as bad just because the evening was bad. The morning and afternoon can still be good. I think this actually helped me a lot. It helps me to actively looking for the thing that makes a bad morning turn into a nice afternoon etc. Instead of just expecring the whole day to suck because the morning did.
Restless panda 🇫🇮 2 years ago
Important: you telling this to yourself, not to others. If you tell someone that it could be worse, it just makes them feel bad about themselves. Instead you should give empathy like "oh that sucks, how did you manage the day without your wallet?" And then high five them about how they figured it out. It strengthens their feeling of "it wasn't so bad and I could handle it".
Bill Walker 2 years ago
I like to do a similar thing. I do not have bad days, rather I have some challenging moments in otherwise good days. It has been helpful so far.
Melissa Matusevich 2 years ago
When annoyances occur, I always tell myself, "If this is the worst thing that happens to you this week, you are blessed."
#33
I keep telling myself that people would miss me if I was gone. That little life hack has prevented me from ending it on many occasions.
Andrei Marentette 2 years ago
OMG, I'm so sorry and I've been there as well. If you need to talk, pls let me know.
Sardonyx_3 2 years ago
I've had to use this too. It's rough, balancing on the edge of that deep emptiness.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Lol glad this aorks for someone but it's very untrue for me. My death would make the lives of almost everyone around me significsntly better
Wingless Dragonfly 2 years ago
I try to go through everything that would change if I left, the cons will always out to what you perceive to be pros
Rowan_the_raging_raven 2 years ago (edited)
But it doesn't work if you know people would be better off without you 🤠👍(I say "these people are relying on me" cause I'm in many groups that if one person wasnt there it could ruin the whole thing)
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
I remember just bringing up if I were to pass at a young age to my granny, who said, very seriously, "Our family would never recover from that." I think of this on my hard days and try my best to survive.
#34
Mine involves job interviews (software contractor, interviewing frequently for new gigs). Having done a little stage acting in the past, I learned to reframe interviews and get into a character. In my version I already work there and am returning from a sabbatical. It's going to be great to get back and see my old friends again. It's a really fantastic group, we get along great, working there is a blast, we love our boss, etc. So instead of studying interview questions like I'm cramming for an exam and then walking in feeling like it's an exam, I would google streetview the building, so when I get there it feels like I've been there before. Walking into their office feels like coming home. I'm genuinely glad to see everybody, totally comfortable with the situation. This attitude comes through when we meet, and when you feel comfortable with people they feel comfortable with you. The whole cultural fit thing falls right into place, which I think is a major factor in interviews. I'm actually retired now, but I had a very high success rate and I give a lot of credit to this approach.
Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
So cool, one of the 'mind manipulation' examples that actually doesn't seem manipulative at all, only win-win for everyone
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Thanks! I learned something that is very helpful.
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Kevin B 2 years ago
Not to put this one down, but this sounds antiquated. Now it's apply to 50 jobs, get phone screen for 5, actual interview for one, and it's not in person where that advice helps, it's on video, even second and third rounds I've made are on video.
GettingCereal 2 years ago
You can still get into the mindset like you're having a video call after a sabbatical, and maybe pull up a photo of the interviewer a few days and hours ahead of the call. Could maybe have the same effect.
Load More Replies... Restless panda 🇫🇮 2 years ago
This is genious! Most interviewers are looking for sufficient skills and a great person with motivation to figure out things that need to be solved.
Restless panda 🇫🇮 2 years ago
Additionally, you're simultaneously tricking yourself to like this job.
Load More Replies... #35
Instead of using willpower to resist junkfood, I've stopped feeling compelled to eat it by just internalizing that it causes more instances of pain than pleasure. Every time I bend over to pick up something and feel my fat stomach, there's a pang of guilt and disgust. It happens every time I sit down for any reason and feel my gut protruding. Passing a mirror causes it. Every morning shower I mortar myself with that feeling. Being overweight is an ever present cloud of self-disgust for me, and for some reason I choose to feel that all of the time for a fast food meal that feels good for five to twenty-five minutes and then f*****g evaporates. Immediately afterward I'm aimless seeking another pointless ephemeral distraction. It makes about as much sense as choosing all that self-hatred for a pooping's worth of reddit scrolling, when the craving usually dies with my hunger if I just eat healthy anyway. If I'm about to eat like s**t, I imagine the moment I'm finished with it, have a sluggish tight gut, and am instantly in need of another vice to replace it. The comfort doesn't last ten seconds after the final bite. The wrong choice has stopped making sense to me, which feels so much different than forcing myself to make the right choice with willpower, so much easier.
Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
Love the honesty, the very humanness of this. Good for OP, working so hard to get out of that old neural pathway that no longer serves them. This is the hard truth of real, lasting change, not some santized '3 steps to a perfect life' article. Down with self-hate.
#36
Reframing is pretty solid. Instead of: “my girlfriend dumped me.” Try: “why would I want to be with a person who treats me this way?
FakeOptimist 2 years ago
Make it about you, and that you value yourself instead of a disappointment.
#37
if in a class room/meeting setting and you suspect someone is watching you, YAWN. Then turn to see if they yawn also. if they do, they've been watching you closely.
It's_me 2 years ago
Or, if they don't, they're a psychopath and yawns don't affect them. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-online-secrets/201508/why-psychopaths-are-immune-contagious-yawning
Cara 2 years ago
But clever ones have trained themselves to yawn when other people do!
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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
But they may be watching u and may still not yawn. Or by coincidence yawn at the same time
#38
I’m not naturally great at time management. To combat my tendency of failing to give myself enough time, I put a lot of appointments on my calendar a random interval of time sooner than it’s required. If my doctor appointment is in 2 months, I’ll put down that it’s 45 minutes sooner than it actually is (i.e. 1:15pm instead of 2pm). By the time the day of appt has arrived, I don’t remember whether I tricked myself or not. It helps that I incorporate this change at random and using different intervals of time so I can’t remind myself “oh, I know I have an extra half hour because I always buffer my calendar with 30 minutes to spare.” So I have to trust my calendar and abide by the time it says, just in case old-me was telling the truth this time :)
Restless panda 🇫🇮 2 years ago
I did this with my hair dressing appointment, and my car broke down, so I really had to schedule my bus ride. Too bad I never wrote down the real time of the appointment, so I left far too early and sat there waiting while my hairdresser got anxious about me waiting and her previous customer taking so long 🙈 This was a one time happenstance though. I'm constantly late and don't seem to learn how long stuff takes.
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
Similar to setting your clock or watch 10 minutes ahead. You're hardly ever late
#39
I don’t assume. This applies to too many situations to list but here’s a couple. I don’t assume I know what another person is thinking. I don’t assume they’ll make the same decision as me even if they have the same information.
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
Yeah, like how did 70-million-some people watch the same campaign as I did and then vote for Donald Trump? Don't assume everyone is reasonable.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Or, check any assumptions that you have, by asking. :"i'm assuming that this is about X. It that correct?".
#40
I use these at work all the time: 1. When you want someone to respond to a whole bunch of things in an email, number the items. That way when they respond to only a couple items, you can say, "please also give a response to items #4, 7, and 9." 2. If you want a meeting with someone, suggest a time and place. They are more likely to respond to you than to come up with a meeting themselves. This was great when I was in sales and trying to get a meeting with a prospective new client. Sometimes I'd even send them a meeting invitation and say, "please suggest a different time/day if this doesn't work with your schedule." 3. If you need information from someone to make your deadline but you aren't getting the info you need, tell them you can't meet your deadline if you don't get it by a certain date. Then that date becomes a deadline for them. "I need those markups by Tuesday if I'm going to have enough time to finish by the May 13 due date." This works really well if their boss or client is also on the email. Just make sure it's organic and it doesn't appear you copied their boss just to be a jerk. Also, don't do this to your own coworkers. What these all come down to, is be specific when communicating with people. You can't rely on people to put your needs ahead of their own. So you need to make your needs a part of their needs. I'm an engineer and I work with architects and other engineers often. It's a collaborative job so there's a lot of moving parts. People often fall into the trap of thinking everybody is working toward your needs but the reality is they have their own deliverables and deadlines.
Alan Morgan 2 years ago
#1 ... this works BUT in my experience it is important to severely limit the number of items. You are far more likely to get answers to three questions than ten. I prune my demands ... could I get this from somewhere else? Do I really need this? Which are the three most important requests, and could I ditch the rest or defer them to a later date?
El Cucuy 2 years ago
Yes. This is addressed in #30 above...Choice Paralysis
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Gémeaux jumeaux 2 years ago
Love #1, definitely using that. Nothing more irksome to the detail-oriented than someone who only replies to part of a message.
#41
This is entirely anecdotal, but it's worked for me for years: while walking through bad neighbourhoods, people seem less likely to bother you if you're eating something. I think a lot of it has to do with appearing calm, but I've never had anyone give me a hard time while I'm munching on an apple or banana our whatever. Much safer than fiddling with one's smartphone, anyway. :P Would love an explanation for this, even if it's just something I've constructed in my own mind.
Annymoose 2 years ago
*don't fiddle with your phone when walking anywhere, including to and from your car. Look around, stay alert. Get in your car and lock the doors first thing. You'll stave off a lot of attacks by just paying attention and barring access. Shady people go for people not paying attention.
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
It's part of being focused-- and makes you look a lot less like a victim
David 2 years ago
I agree. I don't eat but same general idea. Look like you are comfortable / confident being where you are. One time it saved me from a mugging (pretty sure anyway). 2 AM, downtown Seattle, waiting on a crosswalk. Five guys walk up to me, one of them says, "YOU GOT ANY MONEY?" I looked at him calmly and said, "None that you can have" and turned my back on them and walked across the sidewalk. Internally I was close to sh...ting bricks but externally I was calm and confident. My guess to this day is my attitude made them think I was armed or otherwise not a good risk / reward for them so they decided to move on. Being confident won't stop a bullet or a baseball bat but it does seem to give people pause and avoid some unpleasant situations.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
sounds legit to me. I think if you're eating something it means your home is nearby.
mutedtempest 2 years ago
I have absolutely no expertise in this and am just guessing, but I'd bet it has to do with the fact that you generally need to be paying at least a little attention to what you're doing if you're eating something while walking. You're probably much more likely to notice someone coming toward you while munching on an apple than you would be if you were zoning out listening to music or lost in your thoughts.
Clown fish 2 years ago (edited)
It probably works because animals are more dangerous eating than any other time. You do not want to make it seem like you are going to take food off a hungry Lion
#42
Taking a late lunch at work. I find that if i wait and take my lunch break closer to the end of my shift (around 2pm), it makes the days feel shorter/more bearable. Idk why, it just always felt awful taking it in the middle of my shift and having a whole other half to go after i finished lunch.
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
I've always had jobs where I started really early, but I've always tried to take lunch at noon for that same reason. I'll work six hours before lunch and 2 hours afterward, etc.
The Other Guest 2 years ago
This absolutely works! It makes coming back to the desk so much easier when you can say, "Only 2-1/2 hours to go!" instead of "Ugh, only halfway through the day..." Plus if you are going out for lunch, the restaurants tend to be less busy at 1:00 or 2:00 than they are at noon.
#43
If you have trouble remembering if you've done a daily task, say OUT LOUD that you are doing that task as you do it. I am taking a multivitamin. I am locking the door. I am feeding the dog. It will be easier for you to remember that you did that task because you are using the speech part of your memory.
Dixie Girl 2 years ago
I do this when I leave for work and I have had the stove on. I turn it off, look at the dog and tell him I turned the stove off.
Petra Schaap 2 years ago
i do this. Going to work, telling myself "I CLOSE THE DOOR" and a neighbour walks by and thinks "whats that weird dutch chick talking to herself" 😂
CelticElff 2 years ago
I used to talk to my dog. "Hey Merlin, help me remember that I locked the front door. Thanks!"
HappyScrapper2458 2 years ago
I do this to make sure my little dig gets his insulin after eating. Otherwise I drive myself crazy asking myself all day if I gave it to him....
Firstname Lastname 2 years ago
I do this when I'm scanning multiple large groceries in a customer's cart. That way I don't double scan, and we are both sure that I caught everything.
#44
The physical act of smiling has been shown to improve your mood, so I'll often smile or even chuckle to myself over nothing. And I always smile at everyone I meet, as much for my own sake as for theirs.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Also saying a quick "Good morning!" (or whatever time of day) to those you pass on the street or interact with before negotiating.
Becky Samuel 2 years ago (edited)
I'm fairly sure this one has been debunked. And smiling at everyone makes you look like a crazy person.
trollingergirl 2 years ago (edited)
Smile | Tho' your heart is aching | Smile | Even tho' it's breaking | When there are clouds in the sky | You'll get by | If you Smile through your fear and sorrow | Smile and maybe tomorrow .. (Lyrics by Charlie Chaplin, I like the version sung by M. Jackson)
#45
I have a few ADHD tips that have helped me in life. I see the "10 minute" rule float around on Reddit every now and then, meaning if a task takes less than 10 minutes to complete then go ahead and do it. Another procrastination tip that my psychiatrist told me is if my "plans" don't exist on the face of a clock then they are not actually plans. I can tell myself "I'm gonna do the dishes today" all I want but if I don't make those plans more concrete then they are less likely to actually get done. So I try to say things like "I'm gonna do the dishes at 2:30 today"...I'm not perfect at executing these strategies all the time and that's okay; I do manage to follow them at least some of the time. Even a few successful occurrences help keeps things from piling up too quickly and becoming overwhelming. On a more interpersonal level, I try to be more mindful with my compliments and actually compliment the person rather than an object. For example, instead of saying "that color looks great on you!" I'll try to say something like "oh wow, that color really makes your eyes sparkle!" or "that color makes you look incredible!"...it shifts the compliment away from the color looking great to the person looking great thanks to that color, if that makes sense.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Complimenting the person rather than the implement carries much more weight.
#46
This is for my toddler. I’ve tried a bunch of things to get her to do thing. For example I’m trying to wean her off the pacifier. Tried gentle parenting techniques, pacifier fairy, even hiding some. Nothing. You know what worked? Pacifiers are for babies, babies don’t get ice cream. Boom, that simple psychological trick got her to give it up.
David 2 years ago
NO NO NO! BAD idea. You are teaching her conformity and go with the flow (in a bad way). It works on toddlers but years later you will be trying to undo it. "But MOM! All the cool kids do drugs!" "But MOM! EVERYONE drinks til they puke and black out on their 21st birthday" What you said is the reverse of "(Thing) is just for adults / grown ups" Every child reaches a point where they want to be adult / grown up. I know, I know, it's just a pacifier. And if it stops there it will be fine. But I've seen parents overuse this 'trick' as the child(ren) grew up only to have it spectacularly backfire on them in the teens.
#47
Most applicable thing I learned from doing sales for a few years is the "upfront contract." I use it all the time. Basically get an agreement from whoever you're talking to that they'll do something if you do something before you do that something. Makes everyone way happier. Super common example: you have a roommate or SO who you live with. The common bathroom and kitchen both need cleaning. How most people do it: 1) Clean the bathroom 2) Approach SO/roommate and say "hey, I just cleaned the bathroom but the kitchen is still really dirty. Can you clean that? Your roommate or SO will often hate this. They feel like they're being told to do something that they had no say in, which builds resentment. They will often think things like "the kitchen was way dirtier than the bathroom, you took the easy job" or "the kitchen isn't even that dirty and I'm in the middle of something, what a nag you are." With an upfront contract: 1) Approach SO/roommate and say "hey, the kitchen and bathroom are dirty. If I clean one will you clean the other? 2) Reach an agreement before acting. Make sure they explicitly agree to do their end. Should be easy (unless they're a jerk, in which case you have bigger problems) 3) Clean what you agreed to clean With this approach they'll feel like they had input on the plan, and even like you're offering a favor by letting them choose which one to clean. Now if you have to remind them about it, they'll feel more guilt over not holding up their end of the bargain rather than you coming off as a nag. This makes a HUGE difference, and if you think about it, is much more fair than option 1.
SkekVi 2 years ago
And? That's literally the easiest thing to clean lmao. XD
Load More Replies... #48
When i make any decision i ask myself why i'm making this particular choice. What is my current emotional state. Am i using my mind or emotion to buy this thing or do this? I delay to stabilize my emotional state and then i make the decision. This always helps me to to clarify my values and priorities and more thoughtful and intentional decisions.
#49
Apparently mirroring people, like doing similar body movements and using the same words, makes them like you more as they feel more connected to you. Be careful though to not overdo it, because there is a thin line between mirroring and mocking.
Rowan_the_raging_raven 2 years ago
I accidently do this with accents... I swear if im talking to someone and they have an accent different from mine ill slowly gravitate to tkeir accenaccent... happens alot when they just have a more prominent accentnlike southern than i do, .
The Deez 2 years ago
One of my best friends is British and when I was first getting to know her, I told her, "Okay, so, I have this habit of slipping into what I'm sure is a TERRIBLE British accent every once in awhile. I have no idea why, it's just something we do at my house! I just don't want you to think that I'm mocking you if I do it while we're talking!!" She thought that was hilarious!
#50
I always think to myself before interviews or speeches "I'm not nervous, I'm excited" Because it's almost the same brain chemistry.
#51
I try to determine if I can remember any one person’s mistake. Like can I remember their name, what they did, or when it happened? It’s almost always no, that I can’t remember it. So I then I remind myself it’s ok for me to make mistakes. As long as I don’t KEEP making the same mistakes, and become memorable, it’ll all be ok.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I can remember peoples' mistakes. Some very specific ones which were borderline criminal. As a result, I avoid those people now.
The Other Guest 2 years ago
Ironically, I can clearly remember a mistake a friend of mine made in childhood. She literally cannot, as it resulted in a TBI.
#52
Think of my future self... How will my future self feel in an hour or two if I skip my gym session? Will my future self be happy if I do this pile of dishes now, before bed? Or would he prefer to have to do it in the morning, before work? I have a three month deadline on this project, will my future self appreciate my current self taking the first three or four weeks easy, or will he be really pissed off? ...essentially delayed gratification. Pretty much all the bad stuff gives us instant gratification, while all the good stuff has delayed gratification. I always try to remember that - if I have to wait to reap the rewards then it's probably the best option.
Rowan_the_raging_raven 2 years ago
Yeah I've tried this... depression is kinda hard to beat when you've been pitting off a simole task for days now.... lukr my laundry... thats currently sitting in my room.... God I don't want to deal with that now
#53
I fix things in factories, they are typically broken by operators either accidentally or maliciously. When I speak to the operators, they typically get jumpy and panicky. I tell myself they don't know as much about the equipment, and I need to give them the benefit of the doubt. I reassure them that I'm not interested in getting them in trouble or reporting them, I just want to know what they or the machine did before it failed so as I dont spend hours looking in the wrong place. Since doing this, I have earned a lot of trust, I have become more relaxed at work and my work rate/repair time is much better
#54
Try to avoid using the word "but," or if you must, put whatever part you want to emphasize after. "But" tends to negate whatever you said before it Here's an example: "You're doing great, but you could do x and y better." Versus "You could do x and y better, but you're doing great!”
The Other Guest 2 years ago
It's better to phrase the whole thing as a positive and a goal. "You're doing really well in math, especially addition. Now we can focus on subtraction so you'll be great at both!"
SkekVi 2 years ago (edited)
I love this! Esp that you added in the offer of help and the faith in the other person's ability, that helps so much!
Load More Replies... Sardonyx_3 2 years ago (edited)
Ending with a positive infliction seems to have a greater positive effect than ending the sentence with a negative infliction.
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Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago
substitute the word with "however" and it can come across in a positive light. Instead of using "unfortunately" use "regrettably" regrettably shows you want to do it, however, it's not something that's currently possible - then offer a solution where you can, that is possible, which shows you are trying to find a way to make it mutually beneficial.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
Substituting "and" for "but" is a good tactic. "But" always has a negative connotation. "You're doing great; and you could do X and Y better" has a more positive vibe.
#55
I used to work with a guy who was super opinionated about everything... he would die on every single hill, usually for the stupidest reasons. Like, everyone in the room would agree our next meeting should be Tuesday at 3pm, he would grind the entire process to a halt, single-handedly arguing that the next meeting should be Tuesday at 3:15pm. He'd dig his heels in and argue until it wore everyone down and we did it his way. Whenever he was called out for it, he justified it by saying he was a person of strong conviction and that he would always "speak up for what he believed." I started getting ahead of it by crediting him for ideas he didn't have. So in the example I just gave, I'd chime in first and say, "Brent and I were talking earlier and I liked his idea of meeting at 3pm." Or I would say, "Brent had an interesting idea," and I would go on to share my idea as if Brent had told me. He always looked really confused, but he never argued.
#56
I shop for records and video games at flea markets and such a lot, and a useful trick I use is that I've invented a fictional person on whose behalf I am acting. It's pretty useful to be able to pretend I know less about stuff than I actually do, and it can be a great shortcut to get out of a situation where their asking price is completely insane for example and I don't want to get bogged down fruitlessly haggling - I tell them "Okay, let me text my friend" and walk off tapping at my phone for a while.
#57
If someone you want to get to know better is telling you something about themselves, ask questions about that thing. When people share they are looking for connection. By participating in the convo and asking for more info you’re showing them you care about what they’re saying. No it doesn’t matter if you’re actually interested. What really matters is that you’re putting in the effort to think of the other person. This may seem so simple, but you’d be surprised how much it can mean to someone to just care about what they care about.
#58
If you think you’re going to quit something or do something that is a questionable or tough decision, just give it one more day… Ex: If you really just need a cigarette, but you know you shouldn’t. Just don’t smoke for one more day.
Andrei Marentette 2 years ago
This works so well for caffeine. I've been drinking red bulls for 3 years and this is gonna help so much
Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
For smoking, just make yourself wait five more minutes. The intense urge will pass by then and you'll be able to go on.
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
Just like any media posting-- more info will come out in 24 to 48 hrs-- wait to make a judgement
#59
"**We'll cross that bridge if we get there"** - that helps with anxiety.
SkekVi 2 years ago (edited)
Then go the other direction and lean into it. 'Okay so what's the worst that could happen? And what is the plan for that? Okay now that we've given the worst some airtime, what's the best that could happen?' Neither has happened so both are equally likely! You gotta give equal time to positive and negative what ifs!
Load More Replies... #60
When ingratiating yourself to someone, don't give the obvious compliment. Say someone has gorgeous, thick, long hair. Find something less obvious to compliment them on. It's likely they get a lot of comments about the obvious thing. A different compliment will stick with them more.
#61
If you're lying, always always ALWAYS include some detail that is embarrassing to you. It makes your story far more believable. For example: Instead of saying, "No I wasn't at Jimson James' house. I was with Randy the whole time." Try saying, "No I haven't been to Jimsons' in a while. I clogged his toilet so I don't think his parents want me over there for a while... So me and Randy hung out." The extra embarrassing detail makes your story seem more truthful. It gets you out of a lot of s**t.
David 2 years ago
Better tip: DON'T BE A LIAR! Seriously, have some integrity. You know how my less believable (but true) stories get believed? Because I don't lie. I have literally had people say to my face, "I know you never lie" as they were accepting what I said as the truth that it was. Conversely, if you get through life by lying, other people WILL pick up on it no matter how slick you think you are. Possibly not this time or the next time but they will see a pattern.
General Anaesthesia 2 years ago
"On the flip side, researchers from Harvard Business School determined that liars trying to deceive stretch the truth with too many words. Since such a liar may make up things as they go, they may also tend to add excessive detail to convince themselves or others of what they are saying." -Forensics Colleges dot com.
Barbara Kelly 2 years ago
and they often forget the fake details that they threw in, to make the story plausible; (because they are untrue and don't stay in the mind long) . So, eventually the liar can get busted!
Load More Replies... #62
When I can sense my thoughts turning dark, I start singing to myself. It's basically distraction and does help when I can catch things early enough.
Sardonyx_3 2 years ago
Yeah, this works pretty well. Although, my parents look at me funny when I do this.
Lene 2 years ago
With 3 kids I sing a lot and on a daily basis. Usually childrens' songs but still. Lately it's small songs about the letters in the alphabet. The one for the letter B is about a bookworm who ate all the B's in the books making them hard to read. K is about a pirate crew that are starving so they decide to eat the captain. Lol. G is a song about a ghost who scares his best friend to death so they can go haunting together for eternity (am actually thinking about making this into a short story. Lol). And L is about a little beetle that lives in a lion's ear and beetle sings songs when he's happy. (Sorry.... got carried away a bit)
#63
When someone asks me an impertinent or nosey question, instead of answering I ask them why they are asking. Usually, even a Karen will actually answer *my* question and we can chat about their reason until I'm done without ever answering their question. Only rarely do I have to say that I am suspicious about the motivation behind the question and will not answer.
#64
If you’ve lost something and are looking for it but can’t find it, stop. Start looking for something else completely different and you will find the thing you lost first.
Jana Jankova 2 years ago
And if you can't find the first thing, start looking for a third one until you completely forget what you were looking for in the first place, and it no longer matters :D
Bill McDowall 2 years ago
Don't forget to make the necessary signals. So, when looking for scissors you need to use your fingers to mimic scissors. To find lost keys, you need to make a twisting movement with your hand as of you were unlocking a door!
#65
My father was a psychologist, and I remember being very, very little when he explained to me that people are much more likely to say yes to any question when you smile and nod at them.
#66
If you want people to like you, just let them talk about themselves and don’t argue with anything. People love to talk about their lives and usually nobody cares. Giving that person a chance to speak while you just listen will subconsciously make them like you (or at least not dislike you).
#67
If you want someone to do you a favour, phrase the question so that they have to say no to agree with you. Chris Voss did a really good video about how he was having trouble getting Robert Herjavec to commit to buying tickets to his seminar, so he emailed him saying would you be opposed to buying three tickets. Robert emailed him right back agreeing to buy three. I’ve tried that many times and I can’t believe how effective it is. The principle is that people like saying no because it makes them feel like they’re in control. If you’re asking for a favour, they’re doing something for you. By letting them say no, they still feel like they’re in control.
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
I had to say no to Voss' merely because I couldn't get the day off-- when he did the videos, learned a lot
#68
This won't be applicable to everyone, but as a sysadmin I've learned years ago that for career advancement it's much better to be visible to the rest of the company than 100% on top of things and mostly invisible. I will occasionally let something go wrong that I could have prevented because I knew it was coming, and have the fix ready immediately. You look like a hero for fixing things so quickly and management loves you. You have to space it out though you don't want things going wrong so regularly that they start to question why things break, but you also don't want things never going wrong so they wonder why they even have you in the budget.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep. Can confirm. In fact, periodically break something, wait for complaints, fix immediately.
#69
Using someone's name when talking to customer service over the phone. A simple "Hi John" after they introduce themselves or "Thanks, John" when they're looking into the issue. I find it goes a long way to getting the outcome you want.
Bored Panda 2 years ago
I think it's totally fake and almost creepy when people do that to me. YMMV.
Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago
As a CSR I have found customers don't like it when we use the name at the start, eg "John, you need to do it this way" but interspersing their name throughout the conversation makes them feel less of a number, and more of a person. It also is appreciated if you ask how they prefer you address them - such as Dianne might prefer to be called Di or Anne.
Load More Replies... Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
That's weird when he says his name is Joe but you know he works in a call center in New Delhi.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I hate this. Especially if they use my name more than twice. I know it's a "trick" and the fact that they think it will work on me is highly patronising. It makes me less likely to be nice.
#70
I tell myself that I'm doing it for my wife. My love language is doing things for her. Since I absolutly hate cleaning I'll just tell myself "I'll wash these dishes so my wife doesn't have to" "I'll take the trash out so she doesn't have to" ect. I now clean everyday and whole it's not not deep cleans or anything it helps keep everything under control.
#71
I was a fill in supervisor and fully expected to be given the job permanently. They ended up giving the job to a less qualified man who was now my boss. I was devastated. I made sure that when I addressed him, I used the most positive cheerful voice I could muster. It took three days and my whole attitude changed. Surprisingly, my resentment toward him disappeared. I have carried that lesson with me to this day...the tone of my voice can set the 'tone'.
#72
Taking recommendations. If someone recommends a movie or a restaurant, I make an effort to try it out. If you like a movie or food someone recommends it's a sweet compliment for them
#73
Make someone feel good by complimenting their hair or an item of clothing they’re wearing.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I never compliment appearance in case it is misconstrued as harassment.
Nayla Kanaan 2 years ago
that’s why you only compliment things they can control ie: I love you shirt or cool earrings rather than nice butt
Load More Replies... Petra Schaap 2 years ago
new neighbor walked dog. Me "oh what a cute pretty dog, whats his name?" Neighbour: "WHY??" me "i was just trying to be nice" -_-
#74
Tell myself “I’ve been through worse.” Whenever something painful like an injury or even just s****y happens. Always gives me that extra bit of drive to push through it. If I think I’ve gotten through it before, there’s no reason I can’t a second time.
CelticElff 2 years ago
I've given birth twice and had gallstones. I imagine death might be worse but not much else.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
One time my car conked out on the highway, and while I waited for the tow truck I counted my blessings.
#75
The s**t sandwich. If you want to take the sting off of negative feedback, sandwich it between 2 positive (or at least neutral) statements.
#76
Not that fun but if you are in a meeting with someone who can be confrontational, sit next to them.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
How fun it is depends on what you like. Alice Roosevelt Longworth (Teddy's daughter) had a cushion on her sofa embroidered "If you don't have anything nice to say, sit by me."
#77
I sometime ask people about something i know the answer to, and they answer correctly they feel good because they knew something i didn't, and helped me.
Em 2 years ago
I've heard this advice my entire life, but every time I try it I get a sort of confused look and "you can Google it"
SkekVi 2 years ago
"You can google it" "I wanted to ask you in case you had a rant locked and loaded, I value your opinion :)" usually works for me.
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#78
To avoid the sidewalk shuffle with someone coming the opposite way, look over one of their shoulders and point your whole nose in that direction. This will telegraph which side you want to pass them on.
Bored Panda 2 years ago
Or just walk on the right side of the sidewalk (in the US). When people use sidewalks like cars use roads (walking/driving on the "correct" side) then everything works without any issues at all.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
As opposed to only pointing a part of my nose in that direction? What kind of nose are you sporting?
#79
Minimize the amount of variation in your day to day tasks. If you are living life to the fullest you will find that you are constantly bombarded with problems, get togethers, calls, appointments, etc. Eventually this becomes overwhelming and the little things start to unwind for you - making life difficult because of the thousand little issues that you run into. (Can’t find keys, forgot to brush teeth so your breath smells bad, etc) My recommendation is get a system in place that only you need to know. For example, no matter where I am when I stand up I do a pat down, keys, phone, wallet - good to go. Get out of the shower, brush teeth - never forget. Little stuff like this over the long term leads so much less small level stresses which allows you to take on so much more responsibility - ultimately helping others.
#80
If you look happy at work, someone will find more and worse things for you to do. Look stressed and you can do virtually nothing and no one says much.
#81
Repeat the last three words they said as a question to keep the conversation going. Obviously not always the exact same three words, but it makes people feel noticed and listened to, and makes you look interested. People love you after a short but of this, and will also give more info than they may have wanted to.
#82
The Drama Triangle Whenever I feel my nervous system getting activated over some interpersonal dynamic, I think- “Am I in the triangle? Am I being a victim? Playing the role of Prosecutor? Rescuer?” Then something amazing happens, i simply *decide* to not take on that role. Instant relief from the drama. I smile and go about my business. I don’t know what it is, but something about picturing the triangle re-frames my perspective from emotional to logical and then I’m just over it.
#83
In a room of quietly talking people start gently tapping something, or any mild noise that isn't particularly notable, gradually increase the intensity and the volume of conversation in the room will gradually increase, I've brought a quiet room to be almost shouting at eachother with this.
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What do you think ?
Lola Rogers 2 years ago
If you are indoors with a baby that's crying out of sheer angst, as babies sometimes do, go outside. The outdoor light will usually cheer the baby up immediately. If the weather's awful, just standing by a bright window will often do the trick.
MrJoeh1234 2 years ago
I try, emphasis on try, to remember that if I let another driver make me angry while on the road they "win". Don't let them win. I also have chronic back pain, so I try to remember to ask myself, "What if that person is in as much pain as I am?" I can't always manage it, but I am trying.
Lola Rogers 2 years ago
If you are indoors with a baby that's crying out of sheer angst, as babies sometimes do, go outside. The outdoor light will usually cheer the baby up immediately. If the weather's awful, just standing by a bright window will often do the trick.
MrJoeh1234 2 years ago
I try, emphasis on try, to remember that if I let another driver make me angry while on the road they "win". Don't let them win. I also have chronic back pain, so I try to remember to ask myself, "What if that person is in as much pain as I am?" I can't always manage it, but I am trying.
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