In dating, like in friendship, one cannot know another person after just meeting them; however, certain things may stand out, minimizing or even sweeping one's interest. This may happen more intuitively, yet by trying to name red flags in dating, one gets the opportunity to grow more conscious of what they (do not) value in another person or people in general and maybe even adjust their preferences.
On the other hand, reading about major flags in dating as listed by men answering one Redditor’s question: “Men, what is a deal-breaker for you in modern dating?” one may compare them to one’s own deal-breakers, get a clue of what other people are (not) looking for in dating and maybe find some things to look out for.
More info: Reddit
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Any kind of ultimatum, like: "It's me or your cats/friends/hobbies." They were here before you, and they will be here after you.
If my date is rude to anyone in the service industry, there won't be another date. That s**t tells me exactly who you are.
“I don’t trust anyone who’s nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position.” - Muhammad Ali
General punctuality, though this is a state with friends too.
If you're going to be late, let me know when you know. If you live 30 minutes away and text me you are leaving 5 minutes before we are due to meet, you knew you were going to be late 25 minutes ago.
It's a small thing but I've known people like that and I've waited in the cold enough.
To me, lack of punctuality means lack of respect. I'm had two relationships and several friendships hit the the rocks because of this. It's my biggest peeve.
Someone who brings nothing to the table except deigning to allow me the opportunity to treat her like a queen.
Sorry, I'd rather stay single than deal with that s**t...
If she expects to be treated like a queen, tell her you're French.
Dishonesty is my main one. If you can't trust them, then there's no reason to even date them because you're always going to worry about what they're doing when they're not with you.
If she's an influencer or has plans to become an influencer.
In my world, influencer isn't a real thing. So any relationship would be very..... entertaining.
Having a sugar baby or entitled mentality. Or if I see the line " can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve the best".
I love the irony of the woman in the picture leaning up against a Lada. She's likely okay with a scuralose daddy.
Social media. I don't want every waking moment of my relationship plastered on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I dated one girl for a year who didn't have a smartphone, didn't have internet at her house, and didn't even own a TV. It was surprisingly nice. Honest. When we spent time together, we spent our time together.
For me, when I was dating, it was women who didn't know how to cook or clean. That may seem a bit misogynistic, but I am someone who cooks and cleans and can keep a house. The number of people I would go on dates with that didn't have those skills was a bit baffling to me. How do you feed yourself? Is it takeout every night? I wouldn't expect a potential partner to be unable to do household things that I do, nor one that was unwilling to share the burden of keeping a place together.
Fair enough. It should be a two way street. Especially in the 21st century.
Screen addiction is a turn off.
I nod my head in agreement as my eyes stay glued to the screen.
I have had a few women I met online start talking about how supportive I can be for their children before I even met them. Like if you just shopping for a replacement for their non-existant Dad I am out.
As a single mom, I don't get this either. My kids have a dad, I'm not looking for a replacement. And any man I date also needs to understand that he simply won't be my priority for years; my kids come first.
Inability to say sorry or own up to their mistakes.
Flakyness.
Being overly dramatic and loud.
This sounds dumb, but if she's not into me, I'm not interested. If she plays hard to get, I'm done. I'm not playing the games anymore. You'd be surprised how often a women has SAID she was into me, but won't do anything at all to act like she is.
Very religious. Poly (just not for me). Lack of communication.
I say they can be religious but if it’s basically brainwashing them then hard no.
Someone with no hobbies or no passion for anything at all
They may have hobbies and passions they don't want you to know about. (And chances are neither do you).
Honestly, anything to the effect of "men are trash" or "I hate that I'm attracted to men" in their dating profile.
Like, I get it. A lot of women have had a lot of really bad experiences with men. And at the same time, I'm not here to fix anyone and I really hate being treated like "one of the good ones." If you really hate men to the extent that you need to declare it on your dating profile, you should probably be working that out with a therapist.
Stating they hate men on their (presumably hetro) dating profile. Really?
Inability to acknowledge being wrong. Being able to do that and grow with me as an individual was literally one of the biggest things that led to me falling in love with my current gf. I will never again EVER be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have that quality because seeing how much better this relationship has been than any of my previous, I just can’t ever go back.
I totally agree with the comment about the inability to acknowledge being wrong. What I don’t get is that they then say that being able to grow with them as an individual led them to falling in love with their current girlfriend but then talk about their future relationships. The inability to be wrong may be a sticking point for OP but the fact that they still see no future with the woman they claim to love should be a big red flag for her.
Flakyness. If they keep canceling plans, I'm out.
If they keep cancelling plans, the next question is, what's actually going on that you don't know about?
Height preferences on dating profiles/bios. It's just rude. I cant help being 5 7, I have been this height for ages. I get preferences and stuff, but seeing 'if you're under 6 foot don't bother' on the reg is a bit of a downer.
Also, horses. I went out with a horse-y girl, and it was a car crash, I don't blame the actual horses, but horses make girls get a bit weird. If you know you know.
Anything along the lines of “being a boss babe” and “you better keep up with me”
Ugh
Lack of communication skills! I need engaging conversation! I don't want to talk to a wall😅
Communication or conversation? There should be comment tools or links for words like this so each person can specifically define how they interpret it. This person says communication is conversation and that's fair. Some see it as psychic abilities. Some say it's knowing when to speak... not sure the latter applies to me, but you get the point. Words like "communication" and "drama" are too vague.
If she’d leave me for behaving like her.
That covers most of them.
If she’s rude or mean.
Had an interesting conversation with a fellow British expat the other day. We both acknowledged that North Americans are often baffled by our tendency to be “rude” to people we like but flawlessly polite to those we don’t. So, if you are from North America and your prospective squeeze is a Brit, don’t assume that them calling you a “bat faced twit” is anything other than an endearment.
Not understanding or working toward improving their own mental health.
Assuming that they're in a position to acknowledge, and work on, their problems.
I like to be a gentleman, but I want that to be something that is appreciated, not expected or demanded
Um, what exactly does OP qualify as the traits of a gentleman? I've raised two young men to be gentleman and it's absolutely expected.
Not having any goals other than having fun. My ex just lived to "go out" every night with her friends. No future there, and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol (and her ex boyfriend after a few drinks one night). That was a clusterf**k of chaos that I'm glad to be free from.
Smoking and lack of accountability and inability to learn from mistakes.
Inconsistent communication style, just feels like I’m being strung along. Also don’t date single-mothers, I’m sure they’re nice and the kids are great but I’m just not in a place in my life where I’m comfortable with that kind of situation.
I can't unpick what inconsistent communication style means. But on the subject of single mothers. If the person I'm in love with has kids, so be it. They're part of the package.
Wanting to continue living as though they're single but still have the emotional fulfillment of a relationship.
Wait. What is wrong with wanting to have emotional fulfillment and still live single? In my middle age life, I'd love to meet "that person" that I enjoy so much that I want to be with them all the time. If I do, there are many reasons I will likely want to remain living single. Though for me, that simply means living alone and making my own life decisions (no one will EVER again tell me I can't foster this or that cat, or bring home a sick cat patient for overnight critical care, or even adopt all those cats if I want to. Unless that person lives with me. And that won't be happening). Have just realized OP probably is talking about sex, etc, but I've already typed this so I'm posting it anyway. 😁
Note: this post originally had 36 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
My biggest red flag when dating is if the woman isn't my wife. Really hate dating anyone that's not already my wife. 100% of the time will not date you if you're not my bride.
If I joke about getting a girlfriend my wife's usual response is "Make sure she can cook and clean so I won't have to."
Load More Replies... Everyone is entitled to their preferences. Mine? Intelligence, good character, mutual attraction. Dat's it!
My biggest red flag when dating is if the woman isn't my wife. Really hate dating anyone that's not already my wife. 100% of the time will not date you if you're not my bride.
If I joke about getting a girlfriend my wife's usual response is "Make sure she can cook and clean so I won't have to."
Load More Replies... Everyone is entitled to their preferences. Mine? Intelligence, good character, mutual attraction. Dat's it!
