We find a joke entertaining because of its perfect timing, clever reference, or its artistic delivery. We hear the funniest jokes in standup performances, popular YouTube videos, or from that one guy everyone wants to be friends with. It's not easy to come up with a very funny line for most of us. However, that doesn't stop us from trying. From time to time, everyone wants to be the center of attention, admired for their creative quick-thinking. And the stupid jokes we spit out in the process might be... bad. Terrible. Absolutely horrible. Such terrible jokes, they're actually good. When Reddit user indurative-conseils asked the internet, "What's a joke that's so stupid it's funny?", their post immediately went viral, generating over 70k upvotes and nearly 15K of bad jokes. The world got to see a refined collection of bad dad jokes as never seen before. Enjoy!
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A Blonde And A Lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
This joke isn't bad at all. It's an example of "Pride Comes Before a Fall".
Interestingly, some researchers believe they've found out why we're amused when we're let down by dumb jokes. Dr. Nancy Bell and a team of her colleagues told the following silly joke to almost 200 people: "What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? Nothing. Chimneys can't talk."
Problem With Unemployment
I have many jokes about unemployed people. Sadly none of them work.
The most common reaction to this unbelievably hilarious joke was laughter, a response given by 37 percent of the people. The second-most popular response was something mildly negative like saying, "That's not very funny."
Next came bland, non-committal remarks like 'Okay'. Just a few people were rude about the joke or made sarcastic comments about it. Only 6 percent rolled their eyes or shook their heads, and a tiny 0.5 percent groaned.
Changing Names
To be frank, I'd have to change my name.
Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist from Hertfordshire University, added they are probably laughing at some of the worst jokes because they're caught by surprise. The main element of comedy.
Dr. Bell also noted that strangers were far more likely to be polite when told a bad joke than friends or loved ones. "We found that social relationship was highly significant, suggesting that responses to failed humor among intimates will be most direct and negative, while strangers and acquaintances will tend to use more neutral responses."
Pros And Cons
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
Well the flag’s a big plus.
Two Cows
Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says to the second “ have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die”. The second cow replies “ good thing I‘m a helicopter”
Broken Utensils
Courtesy of my daughter-
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can’t opener.
Forms Of Flattery
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
Principles Of Color
What's blue and not very heavy?
Light blue.
Terribly Terrible
I bought the world's worst thesaurus today. Not only was it terrible, but it was also terrible.
Happy Janitor
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
A Pirate's Love
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
(Wait for them to say Rrrrrr)
A: Yarr, yee’d think so, but me first love be the C!
My 5yo told me this last week. Followed by "what's a pirate's favourite place to sail to? Arrrrrrgentina"
And I pirates favorite restaurant? Arrrrrrrrrrby's
Load More Replies...
Just One Word
Guy walks up to the widow at her husbands funeral and says " May I just say one word?" Sure she replies." Plethora" The widow says" Thanks. That means a lot"
Pirating
What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
Vanishing Into Thin Air
A Mexican magician told his audience he was going to vanish on the count of three. He counted, "Uno, dos..." and disappeared without a tres.
Natchitoches
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
Two Drunk Whales
Two whales are drunk at a bar. One whale says... (make long whale coo-ing noises until everyone around you is pretty uncomfortable. Like I'm not shitting you, at least 1-2 full minutes of weird off pitch whale noises)
The other whale says... (Do a deep inhale like you're about to make more weird whale noises and so that everyone around you almost gets pissed and unfriends you on Facebook) "Go home, Frank. You're drunk"
Good Guess!
"Hey, guess what!"
"What?"
"Good guess."
What Do We Want?
What do we want? "Airplane noises!" When do we want them? "Nyeow!"
Alligator In A Vest
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator
The Lightbulb Joke
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just Juan
How does an opera singer screw a lightbulb? She holds it still and the World revolves around her.
No Running
You can’t run through a camp site. You can only ran because it’s past tents
Chasing Nuts
What did one nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
Im a cashew
Little Legs
What was E.T short for?
Because he had little legs.
So Many 'D's
Why did Edward Woodward have so many ‘d’s in his name?
Why?
Because without them he'd have been called Ewar Woowar.
Very Well
Why'd the old man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A man walked into a zoo. There was one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on ‘high’
I couldn’t turn it down.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A drummer’s wife had quadruplets. He wanted to name each one Anna. She asked how they will tell them apart. He replied, “Anna1, Anna2...”
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Why do scuba divers jump backwards out of the boat?
Because if they jumped forward, they’d still be in the boat
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be Bagels.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A man enters a pun contest in his local newspaper. He sends in ten puns, hoping at least one of them would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
how do you think the unthinkable?
with an ithberg
As an old sergeant major in the British Army told his platoon, "don't eff the ineffable".
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Two soldiers are in a tank. On, looks at the other and says, "BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB."
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A skeleton walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, “I’d like a beer and a mop.”
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Why can’t the pope be cremated?
Cause he’s alive
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don't like the Flinstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooooooooooooooo!
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Two cats are having a swimming race, one is English and one is French. Both are called 1, 2, 3. Which one won?
The English cat because un, deux, trois cat sank.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
I told my mum that when I'm older I was going to build a car out of spaghetti, you should've seen her face when I drove pasta.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A psychic dwarf was committed for murder. After a few days in prison, he broke out. He was a small medium at large.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sarah
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
I used to be good a telling jokes, but now I just punch up the f**k line.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Quiet horse
Quiet horse who?
(In a whisper) Neigh...
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
I stole this from online, but I used it at work and got a bunch of laughs.
While using the step ladder, someone said "What do you need that ladder for?" I replied. "I never knew my real ladder. This is just my step ladder."
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 300 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. The first guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
The second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
The third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
The first guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him anymore.
The second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
The third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.
The first guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."
The second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
The third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I f**ked up."
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Two men walked into a bar and the third guy ducked.
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
What did Stevie Wonder say to the Seagull?
"I can't see s**t"
I'm gonna have to show this to my dad. Also, why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Beautiful lady finds a frog. It says "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a handsome prince." She replies "Not really looking for a fella, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
two muffins meet in the oven says one muffin to the other "hello" says the second "OMG! a speaking muffin"
A meat-pie and a muffin are baking in the hot California sun. The muffin goes "feeling hot?", the meat-pie screams "Ahhh! Not the talking muffin again!"
Load More Replies... I should add that I was once asked to join a group of investigators, to look into whether the place that made awards for The Olympics was using the alloys they said they used. I had to tell them: 'Sorry, I just don't have the mettle to meddle in the metal of those medals.'
Patient: I'm terrified of random letters. Therapist: you are? Patient: (screams) Therapist: Oh, I see Patient: (screaming intensifies) -Badjokesbyjeff
Justice is best served cold, for if it were served warm, it would be justwater. -Badjokesbyjeff
Mom joke: Your Mom's so hot, I got a date with her this weekend! Who's your daddy now? Want the keys to the car?
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and they both begin drinking heavily. Eventually the giraffe passes out, so the man gets up to leave. The bartender stops him, saying "you can't just leave that lyin' there!" To which the man replies, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
NSFW: flirting guy to a girl: "Would you like to eat something hot my mother made?"
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the fridge's door, put the giraffe in, close the door. How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the fridge's door, pull out the giraffe, stuff the elephant in, close the door.
How can you tell an elephant has been in the fridge? There are footprints in the butter.. (old old joke from a kids jokebook I had back in the 80s..don't ask why it was in there cos I have no idea!)
Load More Replies... In french: Pourquoi n'y a-t-il pas de haut-parleurs au ciel? Parce que Jésus Crie! My attempt at an english version of the pun: Why is the rain pouring down from heaven? Because Jesus Cries!
Two meat-pies in a baking oven: one says, "so hot in here...", the other screams "Ahh! a talking meat-pie!"
I knew a guy who made his fortune selling burial plots. Investors were just dying to get in.
croquemort is actually a very good but sad job. Every one eventually comes to you for service, but they never talk or even look at you, they just keep dead silent. Feels like digging a hole apparently.
Load More Replies... 1. What should someone study in college? I suppose it's a matter of degree and kind. 2. You know I once had to share workspace w/ a guy writing essays on Ralph Waldo Emerson. I always told him, 'Don't mind me, I'll be a transparent eyeball back here."
According to the venerable Bede (8th century), when pope Gregory the great saw two beautiful young slaves who said they were Angles, he said, "Non Angli sed angeli" - not Angles but angels, and that they, too , should sing praise to God. IOW dad jokes + "have you done your homework?!" Go back at least 1300+ years.
NSFW (you've been warned!): a man walks into a bar, takes out a little piano and a 12 inch pianist, that starts to play Chopin. The bartender: Wow, that's cool! Where did you get it? The guy: nah, it's a genie that got me a wish. Here, try it, rub this lamp and make a wish. The bartender rubs the lamp and wishes "I want a million bucks!" POOF! A million ducks filled the room. "That's not what I asked!". The guy goes: "And you thought I asked for a 12 inch PIANIST?"
I'm gonna have to show this to my dad. Also, why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Beautiful lady finds a frog. It says "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a handsome prince." She replies "Not really looking for a fella, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
two muffins meet in the oven says one muffin to the other "hello" says the second "OMG! a speaking muffin"
A meat-pie and a muffin are baking in the hot California sun. The muffin goes "feeling hot?", the meat-pie screams "Ahhh! Not the talking muffin again!"
Load More Replies... I should add that I was once asked to join a group of investigators, to look into whether the place that made awards for The Olympics was using the alloys they said they used. I had to tell them: 'Sorry, I just don't have the mettle to meddle in the metal of those medals.'
Patient: I'm terrified of random letters. Therapist: you are? Patient: (screams) Therapist: Oh, I see Patient: (screaming intensifies) -Badjokesbyjeff
Justice is best served cold, for if it were served warm, it would be justwater. -Badjokesbyjeff
Mom joke: Your Mom's so hot, I got a date with her this weekend! Who's your daddy now? Want the keys to the car?
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and they both begin drinking heavily. Eventually the giraffe passes out, so the man gets up to leave. The bartender stops him, saying "you can't just leave that lyin' there!" To which the man replies, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
NSFW: flirting guy to a girl: "Would you like to eat something hot my mother made?"
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the fridge's door, put the giraffe in, close the door. How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the fridge's door, pull out the giraffe, stuff the elephant in, close the door.
How can you tell an elephant has been in the fridge? There are footprints in the butter.. (old old joke from a kids jokebook I had back in the 80s..don't ask why it was in there cos I have no idea!)
Load More Replies... In french: Pourquoi n'y a-t-il pas de haut-parleurs au ciel? Parce que Jésus Crie! My attempt at an english version of the pun: Why is the rain pouring down from heaven? Because Jesus Cries!
Two meat-pies in a baking oven: one says, "so hot in here...", the other screams "Ahh! a talking meat-pie!"
I knew a guy who made his fortune selling burial plots. Investors were just dying to get in.
croquemort is actually a very good but sad job. Every one eventually comes to you for service, but they never talk or even look at you, they just keep dead silent. Feels like digging a hole apparently.
Load More Replies... 1. What should someone study in college? I suppose it's a matter of degree and kind. 2. You know I once had to share workspace w/ a guy writing essays on Ralph Waldo Emerson. I always told him, 'Don't mind me, I'll be a transparent eyeball back here."
According to the venerable Bede (8th century), when pope Gregory the great saw two beautiful young slaves who said they were Angles, he said, "Non Angli sed angeli" - not Angles but angels, and that they, too , should sing praise to God. IOW dad jokes + "have you done your homework?!" Go back at least 1300+ years.
NSFW (you've been warned!): a man walks into a bar, takes out a little piano and a 12 inch pianist, that starts to play Chopin. The bartender: Wow, that's cool! Where did you get it? The guy: nah, it's a genie that got me a wish. Here, try it, rub this lamp and make a wish. The bartender rubs the lamp and wishes "I want a million bucks!" POOF! A million ducks filled the room. "That's not what I asked!". The guy goes: "And you thought I asked for a 12 inch PIANIST?"
