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What does it mean to be a "real" man? Well, masculinity is one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, as gender norms remain a delicate subject that tends to spark heated debates online. And even though public attitudes are becoming more accepting in many ways, stereotypical patterns of masculine behavior are still deeply rooted in our society — according to the age-old cliché of the masculine guy, men are expected to be strong, brave, and dominant.

But in reality, when people are telling everyone that a macho man doesn't cry, takes risks, makes money, fears nothing, and — heaven forbid! — never shows any signs of emotional vulnerability, it can spark some pretty warped ideas about manhood.

Thanks to one illuminating corner of Twitter called 'Hot Masculinity Takes,' we get to see a galore of absurd cases when this happens online. "Welcome to the Alpha Zone," says the account’s description, and you already know it’s gonna be a wild ride. So continue scrolling to check out the absolutely ridiculous opinions about men on the Internet, and don’t miss the chat we had about masculinity with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews right below.

Psst! After you’re done with this list, more madness awaits in Part 1 of this feature right here.

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Raccoon panda
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanna punch the idiot who wrote this put down. And I’m an oh-so-estrogenic woman. My crushing lack of testosterone must be making me so irrational to say something like this. Isn’t it?🙄😤😡 Who is this misogynistic weirdo, to think he can be rude to the ladies and gentlemen like that? Bet he’s an insecure neckbeard.

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It’s hard to avoid encountering the term toxic masculinity these days. But as the person behind the account, who preferred to stay anonymous, told my colleague Rokas in a previous interview, this social media project is not purely about that. The philosophy of the page is to post the takes and let people make their own conclusions. "I do draw a lot from the manosphere but a lot of the takes are from women speaking about men, and I include left-wing hot takes too," the creator added.

A brief scroll through the list proves that harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man are abundant in today’s society. But what exactly urges people to share their absurd statements without any second thought? And how can these ideas affect men seeking out their masculine identity?

To gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. According to him, ideas about masculinity have become quite polarized in our society.

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"As masculinity has moved away from the 'manly man' or 'tough guy' definitions, many people have not only clung to these stereotypes, but they have made them more extreme," Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda. This usually stems from people rejecting the changing views, and "social media in particular creates echo chambers for this, with various influencers carrying the flags for those who identify with their views."

While we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, masculinity especially can be a very deep rabbit hole with a variety of different viewpoints. But Dr. Matthews raised an important question: why do these ideas matter so much to people?

"Obviously, it’s part of life for any guy or anyone who identifies with masculinity, but the obsession with being a 'real man' is more based in insecurity. The person essentially needs to ensure that they present a masculine enough identity to avoid judgment or being called out as not masculine by other guys," the psychologist explained.

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Men who are insecure about their manliness exhibit behavior that is often exaggerated and even caricature-like. But Dr. Matthews says there’s also irony at play here. "Many of these individuals would tell you that being a real man means just doing your thing and not caring about what anyone thinks about it. However, one can’t simultaneously obsess over portraying an ultramasculine image, yet claim to be unconcerned about judgment. It just doesn’t compute."

Hypermasculinity — or toxic masculinity as it’s usually called — is also based on the false belief that masculinity needs to be saved, Dr. Matthews argued. "In the same way that some people seem to be afraid that racism or homophobia might one day die out. So they embrace stereotypes, or how they think things 'should' be or were in 'the good old days.'"

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, so a man drinking a fruity drink sounds like a great way to filter out super shallow people. Drink up men, the fruity drinks are the best.

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$cagsy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a chap, I'm partial to the odd grape juice now and again. If I'm feeling jaunty, I'll even stick my little finger out for effect. The people who make these claims are usually the insecure ones, concerned about their own sexuality. It must be hard to be so unsure of yourself.

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Francesca Annoni
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nothing is more virile than a man who is not ashamed to order a strawberry cocktail.. it means that you are so sure of yourself that a pink drink can't make you look bad.. and that you don't give a damn about other people's opinions..

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RafCo (he/him)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A Campari and Soda is pink, and that drink will punch you in the mouth. This pink is feminine nonsense is just dumb. Pink is a color not a gender. And anyways, why is it okay for women to embrace masculinity, but men must be so insecure, that any mention of femininity is taboo.

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Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least she's broadcasting her shallowness. This way, men can be forewarned and avoid her.

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Solidhog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And she wonders why she always ends up in toxic relationships.

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Nolgoth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not a fan of drinking but if i am going to and going to get drunk, damned straight i am buying something that actually tastes good lol

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Brenda Spagnola-Wilson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe they order it because, unlike you, they aren't trying to prove anything

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Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A REAL man orders what ever the f he wants and does not give a rats a what you think. And a REAL woman respects him for that!

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Gabriela Cink
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When i see my husband drink pink fru fru pile of sugar anything... i think men's metabolism is straight suited for it. I'm gaining weight just for looking at it :D

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ί𝔫CίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband likes banana cocktails. 🍌 Is he gay?? It's effeminate, but phallic. Or is it representative of his manly cishet s*****g??? I'm so confused.

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ί𝔫CίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aww, man, s c h l o n g is censored. How are alphas going to talk about their superiority if we stifle creativity?

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Terran
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every man is willing to drink strawberry margaritas as long as you tell them, that they can't drink 5 of them within twenty minutes.

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René Sauer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This so stupid... So what if a guy likes fruity things? I often buy woman shampoo because I like the smell of peaches or flowers over whatever storm or black ice or energy are supposed to smell like.

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Moezzzz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never understood those men fragrance names. "Ice Hole Fishermans Toe Fungus" and "BEARS NUT SACK" have a better ring than "Bourbon and Oak", "Night Panther" or, and I kid you not, "Krackengard" (Old Spice).....

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Amy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's just silly. When I see a man drinking a strawberry margarita, I don't think, "what a sissy." I think, "Ooh, I want one!"

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Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Edits OP's post to "I prefer men who drink cognac." Hope that helps her!

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Elica
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminded me of Ross bringing Uberweiss laundry detergent.

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Ru Bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Errr maybe they taste good and he's sooooooo MANLY that he don't care what you (a female) thinks 😂

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a guy at a bar order a Hennessy and Coke once. Like dude, that's really expensive liquor to mix with Coca-Cola.

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Tamra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly Ghaniyah, there was nothing of substance to understand. You didn't miss anything.

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David H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, my favorite mix drink is mix of Cranberry, Tequila and Sprite, in a tumblr with ice. I order it, and no one has ever given me any issues over that light pink colored drink. And all I care is, it tastes good

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Max
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fruity drinks are tasty. Also more alcoholic than most 'manly' drinks.

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Cyber Returns
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, like us guys don't understand the concept of flavour or have a palate that require refreshing tastes. The only person she will attract with that kind of mindset will be alcoholic misogynists

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Mr.Kris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im having more issues with the grammar than what she's actually saying.

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Ashley Schriber
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The second entry on...beverages. What is the deal with this idea that consuming unpleasant-tasting drinks makes you a man?

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Tugg Ster
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

obviously this is important to her as she talks like a dude so....

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Robert Beveridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh honey, if he's ordering something that rhymes with p***y, there's nothing straight about him

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David Green
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see that the post covid love and tolerance is still flowing.

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LeeAnne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fruity drinks have a much harder kick than the beer you think is only for men.

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martin734
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't drink alcohol and I love mocktails. I have no embarrassment at all about ordering something colourful and fruity to drink.

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Lu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m past all the macho c**p, give me a virgin pina colada and I’m happy. Yes love all the other stuff but I like to be functional.

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Gary Geracci
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, I drink what I want , when I want, Fruity or Not ! I'm Paying for it!

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Julia French
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe I'm just too old & too white but i don't understand her last comment at all

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Jan Olsen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tthink it's nice of her to tell us how we can avoid her....just order a fruity drink and you're safe

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RL R
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

N i g g e r s will behave and talk like N i g g e r s...

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Gypsy Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a man secure in his masculinity orders a fruity drink, that man becomes 60% more attractive because he doesn't base his self-worth on his ability to consume fruit.

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JP Purves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey bee-otch, "henny" and "d'usse" are for girls. Real dudes drink bourbon or scotch straight, no ice, no chaser.

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SageHare37
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of a Tweet I once read. ""That's a girl drink." Okay Brock. Enjoy your 5% bread flavored soda. I'm drinking a fruit smoothie that'll have me f****d up beyond recognition in 15 minutes. It's called efficiency."

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BasedWang12.7
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Though I prefer some straight Henny over anything.... This is sucha dumbass mindset. When something taste good, it just taste good wtf

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DEW
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don'r think a man can order whatever he wants to drink that night?? Well hell..you better go to each and every bar, restaurant, club etc..and tell them not to serve any man a fruity drink. I bet you would be very popular!! When did strawberries become fruity??

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Marc Booker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And Henny tastes like sea bilge boiled with the socks of a gangrenous sh*t stomper.

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Hakitosama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what HILARIOUS ? What kills me EVERY TIME ? Sweet drinks usualy have a higher alcohol degree than others ! And the additional sugar make the alcohol absorption skyrocketing... Be a man.... Order SWEET THINGS ! What ? Scared pussy cat ?

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Robert Rosenthal
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody drinks alcohol for the taste of alcohol, that stuff tastes nasty, period. Why be a dishonest masochist when you can actually enjoy a drink instead.

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Nordic And Sneezing
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

37~40% alcohol compared to max 14% alcoholic liquid, moldy bread? I'd rather get hammered than get bored

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Wendy Herman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We can count on her suffering from internalized Misogyny too. Convos with her are bound to be deep as a thimble.

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Dillon McNichols
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't tequila usually the alcohol most people avoid because it makes them sick or they have bad memories of it? Sounds like one of the tough drinks to me lol

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xolitaire
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about women like her shut up and work on their own insecurities

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Dokstranj
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for gatekeeping delicious beverages that get you f'd up.

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Valdemar
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys that I have known that drink Hennessy and other hard brown liquor were abusive and violent towards the women and children in their lives.

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similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my wife and I first married, we used to get these frozen drink mixes, and have frozen margaritas, strawberry daiquiris, or pina coladas. No alcohol. We just wanted sweet frozen slushy drinks.

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CP
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It takes more of a man to order fruity drinks with nut jobs like these in the world.

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P R
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Spoken like a real poorly educated person, trying to be cool

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Dolly_of TheCowboy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like my men to bring their own goon bag or better yet their still to demonstrate how manly they are crafting their own alcohmohol on the spot

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Moezzzz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ahhhhahahaha I'm sorry, but now we're labeling food and drinks as "manly" or "girly" now?? Who cares?? My husband LOVES fruity stuff. Me? I don't like the taste of fruity alcohol. Something about it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Sour? YES!! sweet? Nahhh. So, I'm usually the Jack Daniels person and he's the sangria person. He's a combat Army vet with 33 yrs in military and the most "manly" person you could run across. So, screw stereotypes

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Michelle C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two of my closest male friends are fine with fruity anything and are both heterosexual, cisgender men with no shame in being how God made them altogether. So what if they like fruity drinks? Who says she gets to decide? Oy, vey, can’t everyone just drink what they like?

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Cuppa tea?
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Henny? WTF is that? I suppose is like people want to flex their whisky knowledge by ordering Chivas 12.

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Christopher Bowers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't even drink but if I did I would get whatever she thinks is the sissiest unmanly drink they is and tell them to double it and give me a bendy straw to sip it through just to spite her.

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Jeff Gabrisl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a man who enjoys good whiskey and rum, I don't want a mixed cocktail. I don't want to ruin two drinks by combining them. If I want to get drunk and enjoy a strawberry smoothie I will order both, but I am not mixing my delicious Dr. Pepper with my delicious sipping rum because it ruins both. A good rum with DP as a chaser is phenomenal, but I don't want them mixed. The only mixed drink I can really enjoy is a bloody Mary; vodka sucks to sip, and tomato juice is to thick to be a good chaser, but together the mixture is sublime and a great breakfast

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Carole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand what you say, but at the same time flavour combinations are a thing because flavours can complement or elevate each other. For example, adding espresso to chocolate makes the chocolate flavour more intense. Citrus and chocolate complement each other nicely. Sure, these are baking examples, but the concept can be applied to drinks. Besides, for people who don't like the taste of straight alcohol (like me), these flavour additions are a nice compromise, they flavours even allow us to appreciate the taste of alcohol for once. That said, at the end of the day, everyone is free to drink what they like, regardless of gender, sexual orientations or whatnot.

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But putting men (half of the world’s population!) in a box can seriously harm their well-being. "It’s limiting at best, and at worst it leads people to play into these stereotypes." For example, hypermasculinity often makes people act in ways "that are sexist or homophobic, or at least not challenging others on this kind of behavior."

"It also has the power to create toxic environments, uncomfortable for women or men viewed as not masculine, and of course to lead to situations involving sexual assault," Dr. Matthews continued. "As well, if these men carry on these thoughts and behaviors through adulthood, they may pass them down to their children or other young people they come into contact with, like kids they are teaching, coaching, and so on."

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), instilling elements of traditional masculinity into men and boys can be psychologically harmful, as it has been shown to limit their development, constrain their behavior, and result in gender role conflict. What’s more, it can negatively influence their mental and physical health.

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Raccoon panda
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This screams red flag all over. Anyone under that height is usually underage (with the exception of naturally petite women).

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Kelli Pike
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And men wonder why we women have a tendency to come off as cold, closed-off, and wary with men we dont know. Obviously, even the men we DO think we know can be a danger to us.

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For men who try to seek out their identity and find a healthy relationship with their inner guy, these societal pressures and expectations can be especially burdensome. "It can be hard for people to stand out or to be seen as going against those around them. For example, a male raised in a family or in a community with traditional masculine stereotypes may find it hard to explore or adopt a less stereotyped identity," Dr. Matthews said, adding the person is likely to be criticized, punished, or excluded for it.

Unfortunately, most people who are raised in stereotyped environments tend to internalize those behavior patterns. Psychologist Matthews explained this happens because they don’t know anything else and it feels right to them, or they feel pressure to fit in.

"This can mean demonstrating extreme or toxic masculinity, as not only could one fit in that way, but he could be praised or more highly valued in the group for it." And, alarmingly, "in places like prisons where this applies, it could actually help you to survive."

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only the most insecure men use words like alpha and beta males. Do they not realize how it makes them sound?

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Extreme views like the painfully ridiculous ones featured on 'Hot Masculinity Takes' are rarely a positive thing. But as the modern world now teaches us, the subject matter is much less black-and-white.

"Masculinity is not simply the opposite of femininity, just as it is not synonymous with heterosexuality," Dr. Matthews noted. "Many people today see being masculine as being calm and controlled vs angry and reactive, being a good problem solver rather than one who relies on brute force to solve everything, or standing up for other people or what’s right vs trying to control or overpower others."

What people see as healthy masculinity may differ, but generally, we can all foster it by not judging other people. "This means not being worried about what other men are doing and giving people the space to be themselves," Dr. Matthews added. "We can all do what we want to do and believe what we want to believe. Masculinity isn’t going anywhere, so people don’t need to try to be the protectors of it or to act in stereotyped ways to let people know they exist."

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Jen Hart
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mmm, yes, let's never stop living with perpetual brutality, chaos, and death.

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Emanual Henry
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

High blood pressure, obesity, high blood sugar, malnutrition, but I can't think of any real reasons.

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Many men in Dr. Matthews’s practice have never gone to therapy before, and some wouldn't even be expected to be found in a psychologist’s office at first glance. But they are sure glad they did. "This idea of what it really means to be a man and the positive and negative ways in which they have lived this is a frequent topic of conversation."

"I would encourage anyone concerned with issues of identity, including ideas about masculinity, to start reflecting on it in some kind of organized way. Don’t just watch videos by your favorite IG or Tik Tok influencers, but start journaling, reading books, or going and seeing a therapist. It really can change your life," Dr. Matthews concluded.

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Picturing this guy putting together flat-pack furniture without instructions ('cause those are for girls) and when his shelf turns into a table, he just throws it through the wall. Because bro

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Kelli Pike
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BREAKING NEWS: WORK COLLEAGUES OFTEN ENGAGE AS FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. MORE ON THIS AT 11.

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Amber.exe (She/They)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say you're insecure about your masculinity without saying you're insecure about your masculinity

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Jen Hart
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

James Butler is a septic tank guy on TikTok and YouTube who has a 'manly' job, but also decent general advice about being a boss of a company. It's not all dancing and "challenges" on TikTok.

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else think that the whole alpha, beta, sigma whatever is just dude bro astrology?

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