“Alpha Male Garbage”: 30 Things That Some Folks Think Are A “Flex” But Really Are Not
There is a certain kind of person who has a debilitating need to be seen as superior to their peers. As a result, they will act in a way that they think will create the impression that they really are simply better than anyone else. Of course, the reality is that most of these attempts are aggressively transparent and pretty embarrassing.
Someone asked, “What isn't the flex some people think it is?” and netizens shared their best examples. From boasting about working long hours, to “flexing” money they never earned, be sure to upvote the worst examples and comment your own below.
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Met too many college students who bragged about how “good” their “drunk driving” skills were. Not a f*****g flex. Disgusting actually.
My drunk driving skills are great, I call an uber/lift/cab or walk my happy a*s. Never, ever get behind the wheel drunk
"I'm bluntly honest, I tell it like it is."
No, you're a tactless b***h and everyone secretly hates you.
Making your car loud enough to shift a tectonic plate. Good job, you made your s****y Honda bonerattlingly loud. Enjoy your tinnitus.
Putting in a hard days work when you are sick. Now you just made the whole office sick. F**k you
Drinking black coffee. Ex-barista here, who's seen a million people coming in boasting that they don't drink that other c**p, they drink REAL coffee.
Nobody gives a f**k Brian
Working insane hours. "You only worked 60 hours this week? That's cute. I work 100 hour weeks every week and I never take holidays."
That just...sounds terrible.
Buying "luxury" brands with gigantic logos all over it
Especially as true luxery items are often more tactfully branded. Big logos are tacky and not needed for those who actually know their product and hence a Ralph Lauren will have a logo the size of a stamp, not a print that extends all over the breast of a T-shirt.
Having not read a single book since middle school
This is a fabulous thing to learn about another person because it tells you a lot about them and about how little time you might really want to spend with them.
Having massive muscles after steroids. Like, I mean, you aware you cheated, right?
Cracking hilarious jokes about how badly someone sucks, when the someone is your spouse.
Claiming to be:
* an alpha male
* a nice guy
* not like other girls
* politically incorrect
* being honest
Rich kids trying to flex their parents wealth
They’re flexing the fact that they get to sponge off their parents’ wealth. It’s gross and the wealth in question needs to be taxed far more than it is right now, but the flex is real.
Never taking your pto
"Hustling" every waking hour to make money.
When somebody says they do that, I feel sorry for them. You can't keep that up forever, and when you do slow down, you'll crash and burn, with no friends or family to help and support you.
We need to call it what it is, which is “trying to escape poverty”. I don’t wish for someone to have no support when their body eventually gives out; I wish for a society where people don’t have to work so much, and my politics reflect that.
Getting up really early. Why do some people feel morally superior about this?
Fun fact: People have different awake and restful times they literally can't change. You can adapt but will never change your default, what's naturally best for you. It's one of the reasons the 9-5 standard work hours has been so bad for people's mental health.
How little they sleep.
This is a high-school thing, or at least for me it was. From college on it was understood that not getting sleep just made you less functional. The flex became being too busy to get proper sleep, which is a weird flex too, since it's just kind of sad.
Social media "Likes"
Because honestly, who really cares
Boasting about how much something they’re wearing costs even though you know they can’t afford it
I love the opposite people, who boast about how little they paid for something that looks amazing and/or is super useful
Threatening with violence as an grown a*s adult. "Let him say that to my face" or "let him try that around me."
Bragging about how many degrees you have while you work in an unrelated field. "I have a Masters degree in English Lit and a PhD in Spanish" but they file papers for an insurance agent.
Claiming they are an expert because they know somebody in that field. "You're wrong. I know all about this because my dad is an expert in that field." My wife is a physician and I've learned a ton about medical stuff. But I'd never pass it off as my own knowledge. I can only repeat what I've heard.
Working while sick
Some people can't afford not to work. Which is such a sad thing.
Bragging to your boss how many hours you work. They either think you are bad at time management or incompetent or both.
"I went to (insert whatever douche-canoe ivy league school)."
Cool story.
Some people DID go to those schools. Should they make up another story so you'll feel comfortable? Again, it's entirely the way they go about telling their story.
Not liking something. "I don't watch TV" or "I don't read books" or "I don't watch sports" or "I don't like X music or X popular TV show" or whatever. I mean, good for you. I don't like mayo, does that mean I'm a condiment connoisseur/snob and better than you?
Totally depends on the context. If you ask me how I liked a particular TV show or a movie and I don't go to the movies or watch TV, how is that a flex? It might just be an accurate description of my life. I think that for most of these it's the weird little smug look they give you when they answer that makes it ugly.
Note: this post originally had 35 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
All these memes claiming you're such a misunderstood and shy introvert, extroverts just can't imagine how hard it is to handle all these parties you're constantly getting invited to! You're just so popular and awesome that so many people keep inviting you everywhere, even though you're socially awkward and show no interest! The real fear of us introverts is that we HAVE to go, or people will think we don't like them or we'll be forgotten about... and that often seems to happen.
I have a book here with translations of alpha male bs. I am assertive - a bully. I am plain spoken - offensive. I am a man of strong opinions - a bigot. I am respected - feared. I am charming - dim but smiles a lot. I am well travelled - sponges off someone else's work. One of the old school - hopelessly out of date. I live life to the full - a drunk. I'm a perfectionist - obsessional neurotic. Etc.
All these memes claiming you're such a misunderstood and shy introvert, extroverts just can't imagine how hard it is to handle all these parties you're constantly getting invited to! You're just so popular and awesome that so many people keep inviting you everywhere, even though you're socially awkward and show no interest! The real fear of us introverts is that we HAVE to go, or people will think we don't like them or we'll be forgotten about... and that often seems to happen.
I have a book here with translations of alpha male bs. I am assertive - a bully. I am plain spoken - offensive. I am a man of strong opinions - a bigot. I am respected - feared. I am charming - dim but smiles a lot. I am well travelled - sponges off someone else's work. One of the old school - hopelessly out of date. I live life to the full - a drunk. I'm a perfectionist - obsessional neurotic. Etc.
