“I Really Need All Of It”: Nephew Wins Lottery Money, Ticket Gifter Wants 75% Of It Back
Interview With Expert
Winning a lottery can be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get your finances in order. If you’re in a tough spot money-wise, a lucky ticket might help you turn your life around. Granted, you have to be the owner of the ticket, not just the one who bought it.
Yet this person felt like they had a right to the lottery winnings, even if the ticket was a gift to their nephew. Feeling like their luck escaped them by just a hair, the OP asked the nephew for 3/4 of the prize. When the whole family started distancing themselves from the OP because of it, they turned to Reddit. “AITA for thinking my nephew should share his lottery winnings with me,” the user asked. And the Internet delivered its verdict.
Bored Panda asked Certified Financial Therapist and Marriage and Family Therapist Nathan Astle for his professional opinion, and he was kind enough to answer some questions. How can winning a lottery change family relationships? And how can family members ask their relatives for financial help? Read Astle’s expert insights on these topics below!
A lottery ticket can be a great birthday present for extended family members
Image credits: Emiliano Vittoriosi / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But, at the end of the day, it’s still a present, and the giver is hardly entitled to the winnings
Image credits: Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Yan Krukau / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: accountforaita33
A financial therapist says there are two things to consider here: culture and boundaries
In an ideal world, money shouldn’t matter. Yet it’s one of the more common reasons for people falling out. “Sudden windfalls almost always complicate relationships,” the founder of the Financial Therapy Clinical Institute, Nathan Astle, says.
“Family relationships, friendships, work relationships, pretty much everything. This is actually a fairly common experience for people where there is a drastic shift in their wealth. Friends, family, and even your kindergarten pen pal come asking for favors,” the financial therapist explains.
Family members help each other out and support one another during tough times. Some might feel entitled to their share of their relative’s good fortune, especially if they had a role in their success like the aunt or uncle in this story did.
Nathan Astle says that the way a family would resolve such an argument depends on two factors: culture and boundaries. “Family and societal cultures handle money differently,” he tells Bored Panda.
“Some are more individualistic, where the focus is on the individual’s success, while collectivistic cultures prioritize the group’s well-being. So, I think the response to this AITA post probably depends on what culture you are viewing this from.”
The other thing Astle draws attention to is the importance of boundaries. “Money complicates relationships, especially if you aren’t very intentional about what is good for yourself and what is good for the relationship,” he explains.
“In general, I recommend keeping family and friendships separate from money if you can. You never want to question whether the relationship is about safety and genuine enjoyment or if it is just a ploy for money. That can really mess with our brains.”
However, he does agree that, in the end, the person who won the money can do with it whatever they please. “It is your money (the person who won it), and you get to decide how you want it spent/saved/given,” he says.
Image credits: Askar Abayev / unsplash (not the actual photo)
People shouldn’t feel ashamed of borrowing money from family members
The author of this post also mentions in their post how they’re not doing well financially. That’s why they felt that the nephew should share at least some of the winnings with them. And this contributes to a broader discussion about whether it’s appropriate to ask family members for financial help and what are the best ways to do that.
Nathan Astle, who’s a financial therapist and a couples and family therapist, says that it isn’t abnormal for people to need help from their family. “That isn’t inherently wrong or problematic,” he adds.
“Never let shame, guilt, or embarrassment [prevent you] from seeking help. Even if your family doesn’t respond in the way you hope, you’re never in the wrong for seeking help. We aren’t supposed to do everything alone!”
However, he does note that asking for help from family can be tricky, so he advises to act wisely. “This means having very explicit conversations about how you are borrowing the money, whether it is a gift or a loan, when it will be paid back, any interest expected (or not), consequences of not paying the loan back, and expectations that might be tied to the money (I loaned you money, so I expect you to babysit for me more often, other strings attached).”
“It is also healthy to talk about feelings related to the money being exchanged. Is there disappointment? Is there guilt, fear, embarrassment? How can we make sure we talk about these feelings so our relationship doesn’t suffer?”
“It isn’t a bad idea to get the agreement in writing just to make it feel more clear,” Astle gives some more advice. “I know it might seem overkill, but clarity is key to safeguarding your family from bad feelings in the future.”
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The Internet’s opinion was unanimous: you don’t reclaim a gift just because it’s a lucky lottery ticket
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"Donner, c'est donner, reprendre, c'est voler", as the saying goes here. (Giving is giving, taking it back is stealing.)
And this is why I don't give lottery tickets as gifts. I know I would be upset if they won and I also know it was a gift and not something to take back when they do win. Only people I do gift lottery tickets to are my parents, because a) I know they can use the money b) I know they deserve the money and c) I know they'll give me (a large part) of the money even if I don't want them to.
"Donner, c'est donner, reprendre, c'est voler", as the saying goes here. (Giving is giving, taking it back is stealing.)
And this is why I don't give lottery tickets as gifts. I know I would be upset if they won and I also know it was a gift and not something to take back when they do win. Only people I do gift lottery tickets to are my parents, because a) I know they can use the money b) I know they deserve the money and c) I know they'll give me (a large part) of the money even if I don't want them to.
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