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30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life
The bond between a mother and her daughter is one of the strongest ones out there. But just as any parent-child relationship, at times it can become strenuous and succumb to conflict. Of course, it doesn't automatically mean that everything's lost. The intentions of both parties might be good and they could still cherish their relationship. It just might be a temporary setback.
But sometimes, as one Reddit thread shows, it might take years before you realize what's happening. Especially if you're the younger one.
Created by user skeleton-hands, it raised the question: "Did your mother ever make comments to you in your teenage years that, [when] you've grown up, [made you] realize she was bitter and jealous of your youth? How did it stick with you?"
And in response, many women shared their personal stories, reflecting on how these experiences affected them in the long run.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
One time, I was in my bathroom, doing my hair and makeup with the door open. I wore form-fitted clothing — nothing absurdly tight but you could see my figure — and weighed 115–120 pounds at most. I've always been a stick and still am, even though I'm over 30 now. Anyway, my mother walked by and watched me for a moment. She made that 'tsk' sound, so I turned to her. We locked eyes in time for me to hear her say, 'You're getting fat.' She then left to lock herself in her room. It didn't stick with me because I believed her — I could look in a mirror and genuinely recognize that it was her projection — but because she was supposed to be my mother — the woman who's always in my corner, supporting me, being my rock and shield. It's stuck with me because, in that moment, I was able to recognize that she was broken. She was not this almighty person without faults. My parents were both narcissists, so it was kind of an epiphany for me. They always gaslighted me, and this was THE moment it all made sense to me.
So when my mother said that to me, she actually did me a favor because that gave me the clarity I truly needed. Without knowing it, she unknowingly gave me permission to completely disregard her words and behaviors from my conscience. As backward as it is when I think of that moment, I feel the freedom it gave me.
Suz66 3 years ago
She's lucky that she had the insight to ignore it. A lot of girls would develop eating disorders over that (I know of one who went through the same thing and developed bulimia.)
Gregg Bender 3 years ago
Not just girls. Fathers do this to boys, just over different things.
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Aileen Grist 3 years ago
My mother told me, her daughter, that the worst thing that could happen to any mother was to have a girl
Irishwoman abroad 3 years ago
Holy cow, what a, way to bring your daughter down!
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Ava Ford 3 years ago
My mom was heavily overweight and does this to me too. Now that she's skinnier,because she got a stomach sleeve and said it was necessary, she always comments that she's like 10 lbs over my weight so it makes me instinctively start to weigh myself compared to her and how skinny she's getting. She literally brags to others that she's two pant sizes under me, she is but that's cause my thighs don't fit in smaller size pants but the waist bands are too big. I try not to but I feel really upset and jealous because she's getting skinny even though she called me fat at this weight. I am 150 at 5'7 however all the weights in my thighs and I just seem to be really dense(people bigger than me weigh less so it's confusing). But I'm making excuses for myself at this point because I can't handle being told I'm fat or that I'm getting fat. Really sorry if you read all of this
Dee 3 years ago
It sounds very challenging to have a mother like that Ava. I’ve had the same issue with finding pants that fit properly since I was a teen, small waist and larger hips and thighs is not a body shape that is catered to (though it does seem to garner attention of another kind). And regarding your weight, yes some folks are ‘more dense’. Muscle fibre weighs more than adipose tissue (fat) so some who looks larger can actually weight less than a smaller looking person.
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M Calad 3 years ago (edited)
When I was a kid, my mom criticised her own body all the time, pointing every part that wasn't nice according to her. She constantly criticises people's weight. For her, skinny = worth. I live abroad, and every time I visit my parents, her first comment is always a criticism to a part of my body that isn't "perfect". With the years, I learned to love and like my body as it is and disregard her criticism. However, skinny= worth is deeply rooted in me, and I unconsciously and automatically criticise people's weight every time I meet them. I hope one day I get over that stupid brainwashing.
christie lowe 3 years ago
At first, this made me really sad. I'm so glad you were able to see it was your mothers insecurity, because many daughters cannot
Bonny Saxon 3 years ago
My mum told me I was too fat to wear my shirt tucked in. I weighed 99 pounds at the time.
Uh huh 3 years ago
When people, especially women, say something derogatory about you smile at them like you have a secret. Because what they have just done was reveal their own insecurities and their jealousy and the best part is that they don't even know it. This makes me smile. You go live and love your self and your life.
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#2
My mum daily told me she hated me. Wish I'd never been born. Wish I'd run under the nearest bus. Refused to buy me clothes (incl school uniform) as I was so fat, nothing looked good on me. I was a bit chubby, but not fat. This led to ful blown anorexia for 10 years. Then I was too thin, looked awful etc. Would never get a boyfriend. Wished I was as perfect as all her friends' children. Rubbed my underwear in my face when I hit puberty saying any 'discharge' was because I kept playing with myself (I had no idea what she was talking about).
My dad whom I adored sat there and said nothing as he was terrified of her. He later divorced her (fully supported his decision) but he divorced his children too. I don't know what's worse - what she did or my beloved dad rejecting me as an adult.
When I was told I'd never have children aged 20, apparently that was God as he knew I'd be a horrible parent. Well sod you, Mother, as I have 2 wonderful children that I adore and my friends and their friends always comment on our amazing relationship - my 2 kids adore each other too.
Our relationship is fractious to say the least as my memory serves me far too well. I despised her when I was growing up. I still can't bring myself to send her anything but blank mother's day cards as she does not fit the verses written inside.
Apart from low self esteem etc, I struggle to form any close relationship. Relationships or otherwise. I've been single since I divorced my children's father 16 years ago. But we're a very happy threesome. My son is at uni and I've no idea how I'll cope when my daughter goes next year. Both are doing medicine, BTW, which my mother is very jealous about!
I did ask her once why she did it. She claimed to be 'disciplining' me. I was a straight A pupil who never even had a detention at school.
It was only when I had my own children that I couldn't believe someone could treat their own child that way - if a stranger spoke to my kids the way she did to me, I'd kill them.
The fine line between discipline and child abuse ain't that bldy fine.
I'm sorry - Mother's Day in the UK was yesterday and I always find it difficult.
Heather Lambie 3 years ago
The simple fact that you are an amazing parent and have an awesome relationship with your 2 kids is the very best “ revenge”❤️
Denise Lewis 3 years ago
sounds like we had the same mother for my 23rd birthday i got slapped in the face and was told i was nothing but a whore and growing up with her was horrible i didn't get new clothes for school because i was small and she decided not to buy me any i got picked on and laughed at because everyone else had new stuff and they knew i was wearing old clothes she also looked me straight in the face and told me she wished she never had f*****g children while she was dying she told everyone i was not to know and when she did pass away i was not to go to her funeral because i wasn't to be informed she had died
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
I think a lot of people believe that they owe something to their parents, just because they are their parents. When abuse is involved, you are absolutely under no obligation to continue any type of relationship with these kinds of people. One of the best things I learned in therapy.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
I think about how happy raising a child has made me and I can't imagine the darkness of a heart that would say such things to a child.
Robyn Ward 3 years ago
I grew up being told how ugly, no good, useless, spiteful I was so I understand
Uzma Kazmi 3 years ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that... Its a testament to yourself that your kids love eachother, and are doing well be societal standards. You broke the cycle instead of repeating the behaviour. It was abuse. You not only survived but thriving. I have no doubt you will be ok once your daughter leaves. Look at how far you've come :)
#3
My mom's probably an AA cup, and any time I'd show any cleavage, it was like the world was coming to an end. When we would go clothes shopping, I was constantly told nothing would fit me because I had 'no boobs like her.' At the same time, showing any skin whatsoever was inappropriate. Basically, I only wore loose-fitting shirts until I graduated from high school. My mom also tried to convince me that I, too, was an AA cup. I wore the wrong bra size until I was 18–19. Thankfully, a friend in my first year of university took me bra fitting. Turns out, I'm actually a C cup
Redwood Rebelgirl 3 years ago
Exactly! Can increase risk of breast cancer!!! 💔
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EJN 3 years ago
Women really are uptight about their breasts. It has been programmed into too many of us. When I was young and didn't have any, I wanted them and suffered. Now that I am old, I don't need them but I got them! Despite failing the American dream of breasts, they worked great when I had a nursing child, so I'm satisfied with them.
§• Råinbow Påndå •§ 2 years ago (edited)
How big should they be for the start of puberty?😅 The kids in my class bully anyone for anything and I don't want them to have another reason to bully me EDIT: Spelling
Anna Tribe 3 years ago
I started developing at age 8 and the only bras I ever had where bought at a charity shop because I didn't have enough money to go buy a new one and also get measured so it was me guessing (wrongly) what size I had which continued until I moved to Germany to live with my dad and his wife and kids. My stepmum didn't want me there but days after I got there she offered to measure me for my first new bra. While I was in the bedroom with her getting measured my dad, a Sargent in the army, came home with some other soldiers and were in the living room. Stepmum got my size, and walked off into the living room where she announced to my dad and like 10 soldiers that I was a 36dd. I wanted to die. Who the heck does that to a teenager? Only stayed with them before moving back to the UK to be homeless.
Redwood Rebelgirl 3 years ago
Good grief!!! What a lowdown, triflin', POS "mother" that was. I am so sorry. 💔
Lola 3 years ago
With a booty like her mommy? That’s why you’re proud of her? The whole point of this article is to not compare them to you. They are their own beautiful person. She is not beautiful because she looks like you.
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#4
My mum would regularly remind me she was thin until she got pregnant with me. She would give me way more food than I could handle, and would scream at me if I didn't eat it all. I was slightly overweight, but she would always tell me I was too thin and that I needed to eat more. I became convinced she was trying to fatten me up to make herself feel better, so I started flushing my dinner down the toilet so she wouldn't yell at me for not finishing it.
Now I'm approaching my 30s and gaining weight. I've been having frequent anxiety attacks because I desperately don't want to be fat and miserable like she was.
Gawaget The Object Thingy 3 years ago
I can't eat potatoes because of this my mom would force us to eat everything on our plates one time the heavier she was the more food she gave us. One time I was full couldn't eat anymore she I still had some mashed potatoes left I told her no I can't she made me sit there at the table for 4 hrs it's bedtime she gets mad I haven't ate them she held me down and forced me to eat them until I vomited and continued to force me to eat them vomit and all.
Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
This is abhorrent. Bad enough when parents think it's okay to make children sit at a table for hours until they've cleared their plate (that is NOT a good way to deal with it and just makes mealtimes a battle instead of a pleasure - eating disorders lie that way) but to do THAT! I am so, so sorry for what you went through.
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Heather Lambie 3 years ago
See yourself for the soul you ARE, not for the person she wanted you to be.❤️
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
I thankfully didn't have a mother who forced more food on me than I could handle, but she had no issues blaming my sister and I fir her gaining weight. Even now, well over 34 years later, she was going through her old clothes to give away and held up a one piece outfit that was incredibly small. "I could fit into this easily before I was pregnant". Great! But you're 60 now and I always had wide hips. Get over it.
clairelise@pacific.net 3 years ago (edited)
My mother was clinically obese when I was a child, and she'd make me clean my plate and criticize me for being cosmetically overweight. She was morbidly obese by my teens, by which time I was keeping myself to under a size 5 and 500 calories a day, and she'd criticize me for being too thin and tell me extra weight would look better on me. In my early 20s I had looked anorexia in the face and begun to get healthy. She joined weight watchers and lost 100lbs and told me in front of my boyfriend that I was too fat because my size-7 jeans were tight. When I half-playfully, half-annoyedly pointed out her hypocrisy she was enraged and denied everything, even her weight problems. 😒
buttonpusher 3 years ago
Mine is always trying to push junk on me. I'm early 30s and I've always been skinny. I don't have a big appetite either. My daughter is like my clone so I'm making sure she's aware and to not let things get to her.
I' Gomez & Morticia's kid 3 years ago
My mother does that too, we're not Greek. She just happens to be a narcissist.
Load More Replies... EJN 3 years ago
It's your mother's problem so try to let it go. Like so many things, your parents' hang-ups get dumped on you when you are young and haunt you until you can understand that they really aren't your problems and let them go. It's hard work, but it frees you for a wonderful life! Wishing you success and happiness!
Ranch Dressing 3 years ago
My mum reminds me of how skinny and tanned and I was when I was in my early 20's. I'm in my 40's now
#5
My mom told me I didn’t have “ballet arms” when I was like six or seven. I quit dancing immediately and have always been self conscious of my arms.
my mom was a ballerina for like 15 years. I learned recently that when she and her sister were little, a teacher told her sister that she didn’t have ballet arms. I guess it made my mom feel special to have been chosen and she wanted to continue to feel special by putting me down
Channon Doughty 3 years ago
The worst one of all, tbh. I survived all types of abuse, but it took me 4 1/2 decades to realize that ,while we had left our abusers, their voices in my head had become my own.
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Niall Mac Iomera 3 years ago
Because when I think of ballet, my first thought is always how they use their arms...
LongCoolWomanInABlackDress 3 years ago
It's the shape. I've got big, muscular arms, if I was to dance ballet with those I wouldn't look very elegant. I tend to be bulky and while I like it it's definitely not feminine or elegant
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Trigger warning
Eating disorders, Alcoholism
My mom kept all her journals from her teen years. She had a very obvious undiagnosed eating disorder, so these journals mostly contained obsessive measurements of her chest, waist, hips, dress sizes, and weight.
She used to get drunk and weigh me to point out how much "less hot and healthy" I was compared to her. She would tell me that I was "wasting the great genes she gave me" by not being thin. Big yikes.
It created an eating disorder, as you might expect
I also got my belly button pierced in college, and she decided to tell me that she would look even better with a belly button piercing if I didn't make her have an emergency C-Section.
Any young girls reading this: you are so BEAUTIFUL and worth so much more than your weight or bra size. Don't let anyone make you think that you aren't.
Fellow moms of reddit: your child really pays attention to how you talk about bodies. Do so gracefully and respectfully, because that's what you and your child both deserve.
Susan Trevaskis-Owen 3 years ago
No, not all young girls are beautiful. But you know what? THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE. A person's value, a person's worth, is not tied to their looks. It's OK to not be beautiful.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Beautiful does not just refer to physical attributes
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LittleWombat 3 years ago (edited)
I upvoted ALL of your comments that physical beauty doesn't make a person valuable and that beauty is truly about your inner qualities, such as kindness and integrity and intelligence. I hope one day the whole world treats people this way, too, though. I hate that the reality is that that my daughter WILL be judged by her looks, at least initially, before they see her TRUE beauty and true value which lies beneath the surface. I think we are moving that direction though!! Our younger generations seem to be steering the ship the right way.
Whale 3 years ago
I wish you well on your journey to recovery and give you support and hugs :) stay strong
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Memere 3 years ago (edited)
I've found that when someone is kind, generous, helpful without expecting anything in return - that person becomes beautiful looking to me. Their inner beauty transforms them. I see pictures of people like a certain former U.S. president, the current UK prime minister, Bezos, Musk, and others who behave despicably, and they are UGLY. The meanness in them transforms their outward appearance.
Susan Egan 3 years ago
I was in middle school when I noticed that almost all the girls with single moms were very worried about their looks. Their moms were dating so they were dressing up, layering on makeup, etc. I don't think their mothers were pushing them. It was more of a "look what mom does, I should do that." Kids really do pay attention and mimic what they see.
Karen Taylor 3 years ago
If you didn't make her have an emergency c-section?!?!?!? Is that woman for real? Does she really believe her unborn child forced her to have a c-section? . . . . I'm so sorry you have a mother that is so emotionally and verbally abusive, I could never envisage blaming one of my children for the way in which they were born.
#7
My mom a little, but especially my aunt. All the women in my family are flat-chested. Any time I'd have cleavage showing they'd act like they were getting blinded and tell me to cover up (I'm a C cup so it's not like I have monster boobs). My aunt lost a bunch of weight and was showing some new 'makeover' clothes she bought and said, "YOU could never wear this, your boobs are too big" like it was an insult. Not long after she claimed to have magically grown from an A to a C cup through her weight loss (which obviously makes no sense but she insisted it was from inhaling air pollutants where she lived). I later discovered she was buying too-big bras and stuffing them with gel pads so she could tell people her boobs had grown.
So catty.
Linda HS 3 years ago
My uncle's wife used to grab me on my chest from behind every time we were visiting. Traumatized me in my youth. She said she wanted to “check” if I have breasts…I was 10-11-ish!!! Child molesting b***h. Mom did not know anything since I was too ashamed to say anything. One time when she did it again, I snapped at her in front of my grandmother, telling her that she is not allowed to touch me again. Grandma was furious at her. And so were my parents when grandma told them. Hate that b***h
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
If someone did that to my child, they'd be waking up in a hospital. You poor thing! But good on you for speaking up for yourself!
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Anna Stephenson 3 years ago
Omg- literally ME!- I have a flat chested Aunt and for YEARS whenever she saw me in an even SLIGHTLY low cut too, she would literally come over, and tug up the neckline e of my shirt and say "showing a little too much cleavage there!"
#8
“You’ll never be prettier than you are at 16” that was extremely wrong and very messy in my head
Rissie 3 years ago
I'm 42 and don't care, cuz I am now officially the answer to life, the universe and everything.
Susan Egan 3 years ago
Really sixteen you haven't even finished growing into your looks. Why would anyone say that. "It's all down hill from here dear, give up."
#9
My mum straight up told me she was prettier/skinnier/younger looking than me when she was my age. She told my red headed sister that her hair was ugly (she was a bottle blonde, mousy brown naturally). I regularly heard that she got on public transport as under age when she was in her 20's. That she was anorexic (said proudly btw) in her teens. Ugh, even on her deathbed she was proud of how skinny she was. Due to her illness. It was very important to her to be skinny
Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)
My friend is like that but thank god no kids. She always bitches about other women and desperately does the botox and filler sh!t. You should see her when drunk .... pinching some skin at her waist and crying bc "fat". She turns into a Nutjob when she drinks.
Hedgeh og 3 years ago
I don't think it's helpful to dismiss people's lifelong anxieties and absorption of toxic body standards as "nutjob". Your friend sounds unpleasant at times but she's your friend, right? And it's f*****g TRAGIC that her whole life has been dominated by body issues.
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Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
My mother was not well-endowed, and it affected her self esteem her whole life. To the extent that when she heard of a woman (especially beautiful ones or celebrities) having to undergo a mastectomy, she would gloat that now they knew what it felt like. It is sadly ironic that she developed breast cancer in her 80s, underwent a mastectomy, and died from complications less than a month later.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Goodness Jo, she must have had a low self esteem ...
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DeeDee M 3 years ago
My mother was constantly going on and on about how thin and beautiful she was as a young girl/woman. She would compare our bodies constantly while I was growing up. I'm petite, but was never a scrawny twiglet. Ive always been very curvy, its just my body type. I remember one particular instance; I was 20 and had recently lost weight because I had a job that got me up off my butt and working outside. I had already lost about 10 lbs and bought some shorts and a few shirts thar fit better. I remember I was so excited, because I had been in a relationship where my body was criticized and my b/f basically shamed me for being dark haired and curvy(that a*****e had a whole host of issues...) ANYWAY, I was finally feeling better about myself and I remember we had my mom's family over this one day and I came out in my new shorts and grandma complimented me. My mother just gave me a disgusted snort and said, "you'd better not get used to it. Keep all your old clothes." My grandma was horrified.
#10
My mom always told me she would help me pay for a nose job if I ever wanted one. I grew up thinking I was so ugly and that my nose ruined my face. I now know that I'm not ugly at all, but my nose is still my biggest insecurity.
Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
My mother told me on an almost daily basis that no one would ever want to marry me. That was cruel to both me and my ex, because if I had had my head on straight, I wouldn't have dived into a doomed relationship.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
That's true. Wanting love and affection makes you blind for faults that you might have seen had you been less desperate. X
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HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
The day I came home from the hospital after a tonsillectomy, my sibling aka the spawn of Satan, kicked me in the face because he wanted to sit where I was on the couch. I heard and felt the crunch, and crying hysterically, told my mother what he had done. She told me he would never hurt me, and nothing was broken. I then had a bump on my nose, which just magically appeared. Years later, I had a CAT scat done before sinus surgery, and my surgeon asked when I broke my nose. I took it home and showed it to my mother. All she said was, "oh." He continued to terrorize me until I left home.
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
Parents can be so blind sometimes, and siblings can be real assholes. Family does not always mean safety, love and support.
Load More Replies... Suz66 3 years ago
I can't imagine having a mother criticize my nose. I was always self conscious about my Italian big nose. When I was a kid, I was "failure to thrive" and was super skinny despite efforts to gain. My nose looked more prominent because of my face was so thin. When I needed sinus surgery, I had a chance to "fix" it. But by that time I decided I liked it just how or was. My husband loves it as is.
Sarah Stalder 3 years ago
Mine IS big and yeah, I hate it. Everyone is unmasking now at work and I know I'm not as pretty without mine. Until I smile. I have a great smile and goofy sense of humor that make up for it. And I do have pretty eyes. Still, there was one guy at work who I was fairly flirtatious with. I'll never forget the look of disappointment the first time he saw me without his mask. He then proceeded to actively avoid me. Also, he was no prize. Turns out his teeth were crooked anyway. And he had a scraggly ungroomed beard which is not my thing, anyway.
JelliTate 3 years ago
I am so sad that humans behave this way. I am sure your nose is perfect! Also, the first thing I notice is mouth/teeth!!! Not deal breakers but I slip it in the back pocket in case the person turns out to not be so nice…”I didn’t like your teeth anyway”! 😁
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§• Råinbow Påndå •§ 2 years ago
My nose is my biggest insecurity, then my acne, waist, hands, feet, cheeks, face shape and then hair🥲
Nightshade1972 3 years ago
My brother was a very active little boy, and he'd broken his nose at least a half-dozen times before he hit puberty. They did the best they could each time he broke his nose, but they didn't do the final cosmetic reconstruction until he was 17--they had to wait for the bones to fuse. If they'd tried to do honest-to-god reconstructive surgery while he was still growing, it would never have looked right. To this day (he's in his 40s now), his nose is a little crooked, but not like it would've been if they hadn't done the reconstruction when he was 17.
Sarah Stalder 3 years ago
I'm so happy you were able to get it repaired. I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain to do it.
#11
I had acne as a teen & I remember she got me a blackhead removal kit as a Christmas gift one year. I spent a literal hour in the bathroom mashing my face with these tools & when I came out & asked if it looked better, she responded "no, I can still play connect the dots on your face." I went into the bathroom & cried while looking in the mirror before sinking to the floor.
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
I'm dumbfounded at the cruelty in these posts. How broken does a person have to be, to hurt a child like this?
#12
My mother found some jeans from her 20s, and when I tried them on she chortled that she had been smaller in her 20s than I was in my teens.
Angeline Shalyn 3 years ago
My mom does the same , I told her the other day I weigh about 125 and she goes "omg, I weighed that much after I had already had 4 kids "
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
Good grief! Women have enough challenges without being torn down by other women...and a mother, no less!
Load More Replies... Mindaju 3 years ago
My mom was excited to give me her clothes she kept from when she was in her 20s only to find out that I got bigger sooner than she expected (I was taller than her when I was 14). She said that she was more petite than me, but I never thought of it as her insecurity, she was just genuinely disappointed that she couldn't share those things with me.
#13
Jesus you guys I am so sorry. Your moms sound awful! No young woman should ever have to hear that shit especially from their mother or women who are supposed to protect them. My mom put an emphasis on looks and weight and has some unhealthy body image issues that certainly rubbed off on me. But she was always building me up and telling me how beautiful I was. Sometimes putting too much importance on looks and attraction from men but after reading y’alls comments- DAMN! I would have preferred this treatment over yours’. I hope if any of you have daughters you build them up and break that hateful ugly cycle. We women have to be better and love each other.
Nannychachi 3 years ago (edited)
My mother is a horrible narcissistic, lying hag who TRIED to damage my sister and myself with her words, but jokes on her. She couldn't do it. She COULD have, but we determined to cut her out of our lives and be happy and so that's what we did. In turn, I never said negative things to my 4 children (3f, 1m) about their weight or looks and they don't say it to their sweet children. I'm so, so thankful for being able to recognize the toxicity and float on around that crap.
Helenium 3 years ago
my mother wrote in her diary that she always hated me, its becuase i stand up for myself against my dad, and she blames me not him for the arguments and violence she sat there and watched him beat me up and then said i was delusional when i said he is worse when shes not there,
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
That's terrible, I'm so sorry. An utter betrayal by the two people you should be able to rely on. Hopefully you can have a circle of friends who can become your chosen family, and you can leave those two abusers behind. You owe them nothing.
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Šárka Glasslová 3 years ago
Never in my life did I hear I was pretty from my family. Only friends I met as adult...
Redwood Rebelgirl 3 years ago
Thank you 💗 I was not blessed with a daughter But, I would've done it very differently, I'd I had been.
#14
My mother (and others) used to say I was ugly or said certain things to or about me that made me feel ugly. Obviously I grew up with major self-esteem and confidence issues, hating the way I looked (I still do to a certain extent). Looking back at old photos though, me being unattractive was far from the truth. It pains me to think of the many years I spent literally hiding away from the world because of (among other things) anxiety about the way I looked. I am not sure if my mom was actually bitter or jealous... I think she had periods of general unhappiness/discontent with her own life that she took it out on me, putting me down. I never confronted her about her words. We have a better relationship now even though I still struggle with body dysmorphia.
Kay blue 3 years ago
Mothers should be building their children up not continually knocking them down; it doesn't make it right even if they are dealing with their own demons and trauma.
Tuna Fish 3 years ago
My mom was always embarrassed about me being the only "fat" kid out of 7. She once told a woman from her church right in front of me that the dr thought I might have a tumor in my belly making it stick out like it did. I guess it was better for her to have a daughter with a tumor rather than a fat belly. That was the moment I realized my mother was ashamed of me and I should be ashamed of myself also. Lasted until I was an adult.
Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
Was she the one providing the meals? Seriously cruel to be so obviously ashamed like that (when it also didn't matter), and for something she most likely had a hand in. I am sorry.
Load More Replies... LittleWombat 3 years ago
My mom, rest her soul, and I used to say that anyone is allowed to be a parent - no skills, ability, or training needed - and its the most important job in the world. But you literally couldn't work in fast food without training! Such a shame so many children are damaged by people who have children but aren't truly parents to them.
Laura Capshaw 3 years ago
There are literally millions of pretty girls in this world. But beauty fades with age. Good character does not.
T.R. Williams 3 years ago
Oh my goodness!!! I thought I was reading something I wrote about myself 😒
Susan Egan 3 years ago
I had a neighbor tell my not to play with a bunch of kids that were rough housing because I was too big and might hurt them. I did become over weight and have fought with it my whole life. I looked back at pictures from that time in my life and I was not a big child. Taller than a lot of the kids but not heavy. I was told I was heavy by many people as a child I don't know why. It wasn't until my teens that I really was heavy.
MagentaBlu 3 years ago (edited)
I (44F) avoid mirrors like my life depends on it because I really hate the way I look. It makes me sick to the point where I feel nauseous. It wasn't always like that, as a teenager I actually liked me, I mean, my reflection... but as I grew older I started to look like my mother, and that's something I don't want to see. I just hate looking like her. I never take selfies and I don't let anyone take photos of me. Never. I destroyed all the pictures of my mother that I could find, because I never wanted to see her face again... and now I look just like her twin. Yikes, how disgusting! Makes me truly sick. Life is fine as long as there are no reflective surfaces, which I avoid as if they were dangerous... and they are. To my mental health at least.
Gini Sarver 3 years ago
I was called in for a parent/teacher meeting…. so the b**ch could instruct me to stop 🛑 telling my daughter ((age 5 in kindergarten)) she was beautiful and smart and do anything she ever dreamed of…. told her i wasn’t going to stop being honest* with my baby…. let her know she was welcome to go to h**l and kiss my….. on her way there
#15
I was in the best shape of my life in high school. I played varsity sports and was really proud of myself. One time, I showed my mom a bikini I purchased for a pool party. She responded, 'Girls your size shouldn't wear bikinis,' then smiled and bragged about how she weighed less than I did when she was pregnant. At the time, I was 5'2" and weighed 125 pounds with D cups. When my mom had me, she was 5' and weighed 100 pounds with A cups. She put me on my first diet when I was 8 because I started growing breasts. No elementary school child should be forced to drink SlimFast — especially at school lunch
Sarah Semsch 3 years ago
How could your teachers see you were literally drinking diet drinks and not do something? This sounds like child abuse
Helenium 3 years ago
i was forced to drink slimming shakes and go to weight watchers from like 14 cause my dad was emabarrased i was fat, my teachers used to show me to the class how fat i was, i dev anorexia got no help at all from anyone had to get myself out of it, i still have it now but obs not as bad i mean i eat now and i still work out but im a lot happier, sometimes
Gawaget The Object Thingy 3 years ago
My mom did. The same thing I hated those things I was in Jr high I would go sit outside and eat my lunch so no one would see my lunch was a grapefruit and a slim fast. I think a teacher saw me not eating and signed me up to work in the cafeteria they gave you free lunch and a free book for the book order. I got to know the cafeteria workers and still talk to them as an adult. One lady has retired and is the bus aid now for my autistic child.
Hedgielover98 3 years ago
My mom had me taking diet pills at that age, and my PE teacher was happy for that. Talk about messed up
#16
When I struggled with acne as a teen, my adoptive father initiated a dinner table discussion about how I 'didn't wash my face, obviously, because only boys get pimples.' My mom — who'd never had a pimple in her life despite not washing her face — started too. After about five minutes, I emotionlessly said, 'I really don't care.' My mom responded, 'Yeah, of course, you wouldn't. You don't have to look at yourself. Everyone else has to. I didn't respond. Instead, I got up to clean my plate, but my mom came storming into the kitchen after me, screaming about what sort of an asshole and immature, teenage-whatever I was. I didn't say a word at first, then calmly said, 'Someone has to behave like the adult around here,' and walked away. She shouted, 'Go to your room and don't come out! I don't want to see you!' Ever since then, I developed body dysmorphic disorder around my skin
Ann Dennis 3 years ago
OMG those people did not deserve to have a young person in their "care". I hope you are out and living your own life now. And I hope you'll consider casting about for a therapist who can help. It's time and money well spent, and a good investment in a happier life.
#17
When I was 20, ultra low-rise jeans were popular. Because of that, I bought my first pair of bikini, string-style underwear. I don't remember how my mom found them, but when she saw them, she asked, 'How doesn't your pubic hair stick out?' I side-eyed her and said, '...I shave it.' She then gave me the most disgusted look as though I were a horrible person for shaving so that I could look nice in underwear. In my early 30s, I started eating clean and lifting heavy weights. I ended up losing weight, and she said, 'Are you trying to be anorexic or something?'" Both of those experiences stuck out to me — I remember her tone of voice, the disgust on her face, the inability to accept me for being different from her. I'm 41 now, and it still bugs me
Allen Julie 3 years ago
It's that look of disgust you never ever forget it we were in a dressing room once and I do have big thighs but my mom looked at some pants I was wearing and said your thighs are so big they're almost like a deformity I will never forget that as long as I live and that's only one of many horrible horrible things my mother has said to me
IrrelevantNonsense 3 years ago
Omg, i’m so sorry to hear that! But I want you to know even if they are “big” or skinny like a stick, it doesnt matter! You need to live for you, not her. Learn to love yourself! I know it’s not as simple as that (as I have struggled with it, still am) but that’s pretty much what you have to build on. Never is there and never will there be anything wrong with you.
Load More Replies... Bonny Saxon 3 years ago
I lost a bit of weight when first married and whenever I visited my mom she'd say things like 'You look like an Ethiopian refugee.'. She wonders why I don't visit...
#18
My mum used to do some modelling and she’d bring it up constantly whenever anyone complimented me. I remember being in my early teens and her putting huge pressure on me to turn out like she did.
Now that we’re well past that and I’m more confident in myself i can tell she was just jealous. But for a few years I really felt disconnected from her and I couldn’t ever feel comfortable in my own skin
#19
My mom absolutely refused to believe I had bigger boobs than her, I complained about being a D cup and then a DD cup and she wouldn't buy me the correct size bra until we went to victoria's secret and I got measured as a DD cup and then she thought they were upselling me to make me feel good? Turned out she had D cups too that she had been squeezing into B cups for years.
DumYum 3 years ago (edited)
My daughter started to develop at 11. We got her a bra because she was self conscious about her nipples showing through her clothes. Her best friend’s mother didn’t believe my daughter needed a bra and would poke her chest to see if “they” were real and make her feel bad about “lying.” Her reasoning was because she started puberty at 15 and that meant all girls start to develop at 15. We explained to our daughter that this woman had a mental issue that had nothing to do with her. Husband had a talk with this woman and said something along the lines like, “young girls blossom at different times. It’s a wonderful journey for a girl to young woman to woman. Your daughter will blossom someday, don’t you think that’s natural and beautiful?” The mother replied, “I don’t ever want that to happen to my daughter.” Needless to say, it did happen.
Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
Ugh, she had serious issues if she didn't want her daughter to grow up.
Load More Replies... 
Sam J 3 years ago
I'm like 90% sure that I'm a size larger than a D for cups because of my measurements and literally every chart telling me so but according to the people I live with, that's wrong. I always have one breast spilling over slightly and it annoys the f**k out of me but I'd feel weird trying on a 32DD or 32E or whatever especially since the other breast actually IS a 32D.
Alex 3 years ago
Im a triple D myself, and i used to not be able to have the correct bra size. it took my mom two years to actually buy me a new bra
Load More Replies... #20
My mum has told me for years that she doesn't understand how she could have produced a fat, ugly child like me as she was such a beautiful and slim woman when she became pregnant with me. It stuck with me for many many years and I had such a low opinion of myself until I met someone a few years ago who gave me my self esteem back.
Nightshade1972 3 years ago
"Well, if my 'fatness' and 'ugliness' obviously didn't come from you (eyeroll), then it's obviously still your fault for picking a 'fat, ugly' partner to be my father, amirite? Unless you think my 'fatness' and 'ugliness' just came out of nowhere?"
Susan Egan 3 years ago
My mom used to tell my sister and I she was 95 lbs until she had us (she's very short). We'd just laugh and say things along the lines of "We ruined you." or "OMG look at you now" and we would all laugh. She was such a tom-boy herself it wasn't directed at us as hurtful more sarcasm.
eyeless sans 3 years ago
my father (who i no longer live with anymore) used to tell me that kind of stuff all the time. after that i became anorexic, and still am.
#21
My mom was 98 pounds when she graduated high school. I was a chunky kid. I had my dad's genes, and when I was pre-pubescent (around 10), I gained 50 pounds in a year for seemingly no reason. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of what happened, my mother was laser-focused on me losing weight. I was 10 years old and keeping a food journal. My mother monitored everything I put into my mouth. Right after I gained all that weight, she had me try on her wedding dress. She got married at 29. I was 10. It didn't fit me. I still remember how terrible I felt about it. To this day, she tries to incentivize me to lose weight. I hate shopping with her because, even though she's gained weight, she is a smaller size than I am — she's also 7 inches shorter. If I find something I like that doesn't come in my size, she'll buy it for herself and tell me I can have it when I lose enough weight
Briana Kessler 3 years ago
Did you ever go to the doctor? That seems like it could be a thyroid problem that is an easy fix. Gaining that much weight for no reason is usually a sign of a health issue. Worth checking out if you never did.
Nightshade1972 3 years ago
I'm appalled that she just assumed that your gaining 50 pounds in a year "for seemingly no reason" couldn't possibly have a health-related reason, you were just "fat." She should've taken you to your pediatrician for a workup, putting that much weight on, that fast, isn't normal.
Laura Capshaw 3 years ago
This is what I do when people are rude: I tell them I can sit on them and break them. You could say this to your tormentor. Because she's a b***h.
Susan Egan 3 years ago
My generation didn't have women's chunky options. Mom would take me into the boys/men's dept, to find clothes that fit. She was matter of fact about it no pressure. I felt awful but it was the only option. At least now there are choices.
#22
When I was 12 and in seventh grade, I had this pair of shorts that I loved. They were sparkly and purple. I wore them constantly. However, my mom would often put them on and constantly brag to everybody about how she could fit into my shorts. Mind you, these shorts fit me when I was still child-like. A year later, when I went through a growth spurt and gained 20 pounds, I was insanely insecure that my mom could still fit into the shorts, but I no longer could. Once I couldn't fit into them anymore, she gleefully took them and continued bragging about how she could. Looking back now at age 31, I realize that my mom had some serious body image issues. I also think she was dealing with an eating disorder at the time."
"Either way, it was annoying AF, and I hated the feeling that she was competing with me
#23
My mother constantly called me a 'dyke' because I hated ballet and wanted to play soccer. I'm now a full-grown adult, and she called me 'butch' last week for taking MMA classes to get in shape." "My mother is easily the most toxic person on the planet. For context, this woman looks like the Crypt Keeper and Dr. Eggman had a baby
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
I love how OP is continuing to do what makes her feel strong and good, despite what her mother says. Sometimes, the kids outgrow the parents, and that's a good thing.
Vicki Thill 3 years ago
Not everybody gets to be your friend, every single person has to earn the gift of being a part of your life. Giving birth to you does not give her the right to talk to you that way. I hope you told her that you are all grown up now and that she can shove her opinions of you up her ass.
Bonny Saxon 3 years ago
I was molested by my cousin at 10 while wearing a bikini and when I told my mother 6 years later she laughed and said it was no big deal. I never dated, stayed in the house when possible. I couldn't let my daughters wear bikinis, ever. I hid that fact by saying to my daughter after a rather contentious shopping trip 'There are a million styles of bathing suits out there. I think we can find one we both like.'. It worked.
#24
At about 16 I was struggling with one of my nipples inverting... I was terrified and the internet did not help.
I confided in my mom & she asked me to see. I took my shirt off and showed her - she laughed in my face. Did not help or console me.
I went to the doctor without her help soon after that.
Even today I am self conscious about my breasts even though I have no reason to be at all. My brain knows it, but can't get over what happened.
She also used to tell me I was a 'late bloomer' well my body hasn't changed since I was a teen. I'm petite with small breasts... Guess I never bloomed. I fucking hate that term.
Thank goodness I have a supportive partner who tells me my body is beautiful... I'm the shape of a 90s super model and that should have never been in style.
Phill Healey 3 years ago
That's truly f*****g snide. Your Mum is/was a f*****g horrible person.
Susan Egan 3 years ago
As a large breasted woman, I envy small breasts. You can go braless, no sweating sloppy under boob, yours will not sag down to your belly, the list is lengthy. I've never ever understood the need or desire to have huge breasts. A bad fitting bra can hurt your shoulders. I'm sorry your mother knocked you down. I envy you!
Alex 3 years ago
exactly, and you can run without them swinging everywhere!!!!! Sometimes i get hit in the face and its so embarrassing
Load More Replies... #25
One day there was a guy tutoring my younger brother and the tutor was my age. My father wanted me to socialize more with people my age so he suggested I say hi to the guy. I have social anxiety and denied the advice to which my mom commented "your response would have been understandable if you were as pretty as I used to be at your age". And honestly that comment haunts me everyday.
#26
When I was 21, I was depressed because I broke up with my abusive boyfriend who I somehow wanted back. I weighed 99 pounds. My bones showed everywhere. When my parents came to visit, my mom said, 'You look so good, skinny, and slim like that!' I told her that I'd barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night. After a few moments of silence, she replied, 'It's going to be fine. Just don't get fat like I did.' A few months passed, and I'd gained some weight and felt a lot better. When I went home, the first thing my mom said was: 'Did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms — they're starting to get chubby!' I was 110 pounds then. I replied, 'I feel better than how I felt before. I eat regularly and exercise. This is what you tell me?' She gave me this ugly look and said, 'If you get any chubbier, no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time. It made me feel pretty.'"
"During my depressive episode, I was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams. I used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was literally sick.
With my mom, it wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing. She was projecting her own insecurities on me, and that bothered me very much. I still think about it every now and then.
(T)reacherou(S) 3 years ago
That's so awful. Bad enough with the abusive ex, and then the mother says things like this! Smh.
Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
Yup. My mother does this everytime I see her. After my dad died (they were divorced) I lost ALOT of weight. I was only 130 lbs b4. I was down to 90lbs after. I wasn't trying to lose weight. I was just depressed n stressed n my dad was my best friend n he was always my partner in crime n ALWAYS had my back when my mom was a C*NT.. he always reminded me that my mom was just jealous of me n had been since the day I was born. Which honestly saved me from actually giving a F**k about her opinions since I learned at a young age that she was just a bully n it wasn't me who was the problem it was her. But anyway, after he passed I was trying so hard to gain weight n she would be like "omg you look fantastic! What are you doing?" N I said "not eating. Not sleeping. Throwing up when I do eat from stress" n she said "well it's working for u" when I gained weight back she called me fat (I was 108lbs) n made comments when I'd eat like "r u sure u want another?" My brothers snapped on her for that..
Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
N they reassured me that I was starting to look healthy again and they were proud of me for being able to get back on track after going thru such a hard time. I'm so happy they stuck up for me because I was at such a vulnerable place that I was honestly starting to believe the things she was saying. I cut her out of my life completely after that. Haven't spoken in 18 months. I've never been happier.
Load More Replies... #27
When I was a teenager my mom made all kinds of hurtful comments about my body that probably lead to my long term eating disorder that she would make jokes about. It’s unclear whether or not she TRULY realized that I was legitimately struggling. She also always had something to say about my breast size bc I’m a DDD and she was an A cup. I must’ve gotten that from my dads side of the family. I felt a lot of shame about my body and sex when I was younger but as I age it’s been left in the past and I can see where her hostility was really coming from
Ruth Watry 3 years ago
My sister's and I got my dad's mom's boobs (AA & As) and my mom flaunted her Bs because "they made her more of a real woman"
#28
oh my god YES!! I thought I was the only one. I was always underweight as a kid, but I gained some weight around age 12-13 and ended up on the thinner end of "healthy". My mother would always make snide remarks about my body, like my butt is too big and my thighs are too fat. I was average sized at most lmao. I feel like this came from her own insecurities, as she was overweight and my dad would always make degrading comments about her body. Her south Asian culture might also have something to do with it (I'm not trying to be racist or anything here, just my own observation). It really hurt at the time (I had an eating disorder when I was 10-11) but I've learned to just ignore her now.
Tuna Fish 3 years ago
I posted this up higher but I think it fits better here. My mom was always embarrassed about me being the only "fat" kid out of 7. She once told a woman from her church right in front of me that the dr thought I might have a tumor in my belly making it stick out like it did. I guess it was better for her to have a daughter with a tumor rather than a fat belly. That was the moment I realized my mother was ashamed of me and I should be ashamed of myself also. Lasted until I was an adult.
Alicia M 3 years ago (edited)
Although my siblings and I were always thin, my mom couldn't let us be. She constantly said, I quote, "If you have one overweight parent, you have a 50% chance of being fat. Since you have two overweight parents, what do you think your chances are?" (Implying 100% chance) Of course that's BS but I still think about it. None of us are overweight adults. As an adult, I can now look back and see how messed up my mom really is. It's sad at how much my mom's poor mental health impacted us.
Ruth Watry 3 years ago
Entering puberty (hips were growing) and got my hair cut short - my dad made the comment that the only way he could tell my brother and me apart from behind was my large ass
#29
The only two times I've told her about being catcalled, she's either blamed it on me or said something like, 'Well, you should be grateful. I don't get that type of attention from men anymore.' The first time I told her, I was 14 and walking home in my school uniform. The second time, I was 19 and walking in the forest near my house. I don't tell her when I get catcalled anymore
clairelise@pacific.net 3 years ago
When I was a teen, we lived on this really long road but our neighbors had a farm right below us and they told us to go ahead and cut across the farm, which shortened my walk home from school from 2 hours to about 20 minutes. The farmer's brother happened to live on the land and he'd make sure to be right there to say hello in his broken English and shake hands and try to hug me and try to have long, friendly conversations with my breasts. I complained about it to my mother and she said "you have to take the long way home from now on: you don't want to give him the wrong idea." I complained about it to the farmer and his brother took to waving at me from his work as I crossed the farm. 😌
#30
Yes. My mom has always worn her eye makeup the same way: heavy lower eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow. It doesn't suit her and makes her eyes look tiny and dark, but it's what she likes, I guess.
We used to get ready in the bathroom together when I was growing up, so I kind of learned from watching her (though I avoided eyeliner when I was young). But I guess it still wasn't right because, one day when I was maybe 14, my mom made a comment about HOW I was applying my makeup and that my mascara didn't look good. It's such a small comment to make but I'm nearly 30 now, and I still don't like doing my makeup around anyone (my friends, my boyfriend, etc.) because I feel like I'll be criticized.
HOWEVER, I think the comment was prompted by her noticing that I didn't use eyeliner and that teenage me was trying to do something different than what she liked. Because for several years now, she has been complimenting my makeup and asking me to show her how I do it and what products I use, etc. I think maybe she had wanted to try something different with her makeup but never knew how, and became defensive because she didn't know, but I was younger and did? Does that make sense?
Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
Seems like she improved, but she still shouldn't have said that to you.
#31
The one about looking like "an Eastern bloc wh*re" when I was 12 and had just tried on mascara on my lower lashes for the first time made sure I didn't really get a grip on makeup until my twenties.
And the one abt looking like "a homeless child on the street" after choosing my own, slightly hippie-style clothes at a flea market at 14 gave me the impression that I just wasn't a visual person. Lasted until my twenties.
#32
We were looking at her wedding dress. She said I shouldn't try it on, since she was so small then and it wouldn't fit me. This was true. She constantly mentions how small she used to be. She's now over 200 lbs, over 60 and has kept all her clothes, but would never consider lending me her old clothes because "I won't take care of them" and "she might fit into them one day."
#33
When I had my first boyfriend, my mom always told me that she was way more experienced at my age and had a higher body count than me. She also made those comments when my boyfriend was around. It doesn't really affect me now, but back then when I was still a virgin, I was definitely worried about not having sex
Summer Mason 3 years ago
What the actual f**k? Who does this s**t. My husband recently went off on my boys for this. How disrespectful. Even sex workers don't flaunt how many people they have had sex with to each other. Disgusting.
#34
My mom was very beautiful back in her day and had a super hot bod but she let herself go quite a bit after her kids and she weighed close to 300 pounds I'f not more when I was growing up. I remember being chubby my whole childhood because she used to over feed me and also say she was much more thinner than I was, I would get bullied about it and she said that when she was younger she would just ignore people and that I should do the same. She used to manipulate me into wearing certain things saying that if I wore it it would help me lose weight like sweat pants and studd like that. It because such a problem that now close to my 30s also I have battled with eating disorders. Even now as an adult she always comments on how fat I've gotten or how my clothes look unflattering sometimes. When I was pregnant she told me to stop eating ice cream or o would turn into a pig. Needless to say I avoid her as often as possible
gellert grindlewald 3 years ago
again why are you getting down voted so much? it is like someone is going around, finding your comments, and down voting them.
Load More Replies... #35
I grew up chubby and developed a severe eating disorder, lost all the weight around 18 and my mom had a breakdown around me when she was tipsy because she “wasn’t the small one anymore”. Her words. Made me wonder if she just said that because she was drinking(??) or if she’d really been weirdly competing with me my entire life and just saw me as “competition”. Any way we’ve never mentioned it since but I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering.
Sarah Semsch 3 years ago
Society has made women believe we have to compete with each other when we should be building each other up
#36
My mom would call me a cow when I started developing a lot. It definitely stuck with me anF have me issues.
#37
My mom had a lot of strange eating habits (cutting food into tiny pieces, hoarding, only fat free, etc) and a lot of mostly unspoken sentiments and what a body should be (thin, fit, modest, unseen). It really affected me and all 5 of her children have had eating disorders. She was naturally thin but after having my twin and I as her 4th pregnancy, her body never went back. She used to dress artisticly but after us she only wore loose stretchy clothing and would change in her closet so my father couldn’t see her naked. I still feel very bad that I am the reason she feels so badly about her body now. I understand it’s not my fault but it still weighs on me sometimes. I like to buy her things she’ll enjoy wearing- scarves, jewelry- and one time we bought matching wide leg pants together (her idea). I just try to let her be who she actually wants to be when we hang out and I hope that will make her feel beautiful.
#38
I have trouble finding a partner, I've never been in a relationship at the tender age of 27. My mother likes to mention 'innocently' that she was very popular with boys when she was young. She talks all the time about how she dated a bunch of guys before she met my dad, how many boys had crushes on her etc. Knowing that she has a story of exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion I know that these are probably overstatements, but I can't help to feel hurt, mostly because it's a sensitive issue for me. She's always unhappy when I try to look and feel nice and always has a sarcastic comment in store for me when I put on make up, perfume or dress nicely (she's heavily neglected her looks and doesn't even wear deodorant...). I was never popular with boys and it was always rubbed in my face and now when someone is genuinely interested in me I'm not able to believe them.
Ann Dennis 3 years ago
Your mom is full-on toxic! I think you would do well to stay away from her and look for a good therapist to help you find your way forward to a much better life. Do give it a try.
#39
My mom would regularly punish me for doing things like taking a shower. Or wanting to do make up. She’d constantly belittle me saying that I ‘just wanted to be a pretty princess’. So I actually started to hate girly things. And saw them as weakness. Not to mention the ptsd that took several years to undo when it came to taking showers. I still struggle sometimes with the girly things. My childhood was utterly ruined and nonexistent
Anjali Cooper 3 years ago
Blegh. It’s so gross to do this to your own child… I hope you’ll recover as easily as possible. Sending love from Las Vegas!
#40
My mom used to insult my nose all the time when I was a kid. I wanted a nose job so badly when I learned what it was in kindergarten. My mom is mostly a random mix of european white, and my dad is full italian. I inherited a very italian nose, and after my parents divorced, my mom became very racist towards italians. I look “more italian” than my younger brother, so I got most of the insults. When I was in highschool and more independent, I got a nose piercing, now I have a nose ring and a septum! It gave me a lot of confidence to decorate my nose with jewelry, it’s still my biggest insecurity, but by drawing attention to it, i’m stating to like it a lot more (:
Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
Well, just FYI.. I happen to find Italian men and women very VERY attractive.. lol. (My grandpa was an Italian immigrant) n Always have. I love Italian noses.. they're so unique n beautiful, I think. I always think of lady Gaga now because of that movie. I don't think she would be as beautiful as she is if she had gotten a nose job. My dads Afro Cuban n then I'm part Italian I have a wider nose n an Italian nose all it one! Lol. I got s**t for it all the time as a kid but my grandma would always tell me how beautiful I was n how she loved my nose n she'd always kiss it when we'd say goodbye when I was little n her opinion meant the world to me. I would probably have felt differently if I didn't have her there to kind of counteract all of the bullying I experienced as a kid. Just goes to show how important it is to lift our children up n teach them how to love themselves n not repeat our parents mistakes.
#41
Not my mother, but my stepmother used to love telling me that "it's ok, some men like big hips" when I would try on new outfits. She was a person who was extremely jealous and petty, not only of my youth, but my relationship with my father. She made my teenage years absolute hell.
Sarah Semsch 3 years ago
Your father should have stopped that behavior. I wouldn't stand for someone talking to my child that way
Gawaget The Object Thingy 3 years ago
I'm a stepmother myself and I have never understood why a lot of women are abusive and threatened by their partners children. I love all my kids step or bio. If you treat them with love and respect they respond in kind. They are a part of your partner, a big part. My husband passed away 3 yes ago and my stepchildren are still very much a part of my life my stepdaughter recently had a baby I am Nana as my stepson says extra parents extra love (and extra grandparents who to spoil him)
#42
Yeah my mom made tons of inappropriate and hurtful comments growing up. From very little to even adulthood. I harbored a lot of anger towards her. She said things like I was a mistake and called me a b*tch a few times. Always commented on my weight and made fun of me when I would order something I thought would fill me but didn't. In my early twenties I decided to forgive her without her even knowing. It helped me realize the motives behind her resentment towards me. I hadn't realized how crappy her childhood was growing up and how her father abused and abandoned her. She hated how much my father loved me and treated me well. She was broken and I guess I reminded her of that. As I grew so did she. We're closer today than ever and I don't hold it against her. She didn't work through her sh*t prior to having us and it trickled down. I chose not to have kids largely because of it but I'm happy with my choices. Everything happens for a reason and I'm glad I was the one who got to break the cycle.
#43
I don’t think my mum ever meant it in a bad way when I was younger, but she’s always commented on how long and thin my legs are. She always said that I “have dad’s legs” and not hers. I think it irks her more nowadays though cos she hates that I wear skinny jeans in my mid 30’s (under “restricting your blood flow” guise - they aren’t that tight) so I know she is jealous of them. I also don’t think it helps that I’m a lot taller than her as well.
gellert grindlewald 3 years ago
my mom never means to hurt me also, but the comments on my writing are the worst. I can't control how messy my writing is.
#44
Honestly no, but I’ve definitely seen my friends’ moms make sort of weird comments to them. My high school bff’s mom in particular stands out; she would give us booze and be the cool mom & acted more like a friend than a mother. My friend was gorgeous but her mom would randomly criticize her appearance (even small stuff like “ooo you have a white head, cover that up or let me pop it!”). It didn’t come across as bitter or jealous in retrospect but more trying to live vicariously through her daughter. Meanwhile my mom was a lot stricter and I got in SO much trouble when my parents caught me drinking. When I was 16 I was really jealous of not having a “cool mom”... now as a 30 year old I look back and see her mom’s behavior as weird and inappropriate (and borderline insecure). My mom wasn’t perfect by any means, but I’m honestly glad she was always a parent first rather than a buddy. (I wouldn’t say we were “friends” until I was a young adult; we had too much tension in my teens.)
Anjali Cooper 3 years ago
Aww. That’s good. I can see the tension, though. Suppose it’s pretty common at that time. But yeah, your friend’s mom is SUPER wrong for doing that stuff.
#45
I am nearly 50 and my mom still does this sh*t. She is fixated on my hair. If I do anything to it color-wise she freaks out, and she is always making little under-the-breath remarks about my weight. It’s infuriating now, and it was when so was - teenager, though I was skinny AF as a teen.
#46
I always remember the day my mom — who has an AA cup — asked me, as if she were surprised, 'Is there padding in that bra?' I was like, 'Nope.' She was in bed, and I was standing above her. She reached out, poked my tit hard, and said, 'Oh, there's really not!' Then, she cupped her own boobs, looked at mine, and said, 'Well, yours will fall down. Mine will never fall down. I never wear padded bras, as I've always been around a D–DD cup. My smallest cup was a B when I was in the throes of an eating disorder, but I still never wore padded bras because I don't like inviting the attention that comes with larger breasts
#47
My mom always said I was cute and beautiful, and she bolstered my physical appearance. However, she also put a large emphasis on attracting men, and she hated her own appearance. It was intense enough that my relationships with men suffered a bit until I went to therapy.
#48
As my body grew into that of a woman's — though I was still very much a girl — and the natural insecurities started, my mom would state that it was 'brave' of me to wear shorts with 'my legs.' I was a perfectly normal weight at that time. And even if I weren't, what the f*ck? She would constantly talk about my body and how she always was way slimmer than me. One Christmas, I celebrated with friends and happily told her about it, mentioning, 'I ate so much.' She responded, 'Yeah, we can see that.' And it continued on and on. When I got diagnosed with a thyroid condition, she said, 'I saw that your neck was swollen and fat a while ago, but I didn't want to say anything because you are so sensitive.' "Wow, the one time where it could've been relevant to point out a change in my body — of course, it's my fault. Once I fully realized her behavior, I told her to shut the f*ck up. It helped but only for a short period of time. I still feel the effects of that, and I've sought out therapy to develop a better sense of self and to relate to my body more again
Anjali Cooper 3 years ago
Good for you. That kind of person should NEVER have children. You are so strong for working to overcome that.
#49
Not my mother, my stepmother. When I was twelve with her and my dad standing in line at Starbucks, I casually mentioned needing to go to the store to get a bigger bra because I was outgrowing mine. Without missing a beat, she replied, “mine are still bigger” and pretended to forget what she said a second later. She and I don’t talk and my connection to my dad is limited for this reason.
3 years ago
My question is: Why do people care so much? To me, they're just annoying and heavy. I'm a DD almost DDD. It's a pain. I don't understand why some people think it's a competition.
Scarlett 3 years ago
Because society conditioned people to care? My mother was a D cup in her early twenties (I’m still flat) and she has made comments that I’ve probably destroyed my chances of developing any further because of my eating disorder. And that just continues the social cycle because now I’m beyond insecure about it and admittedly very jealous of other girls my age.
Load More Replies... #50
My mom didn't so much make comments, but she did stand by and nod approvingly when my dad would negatively compare my body and my sisters' bodies to hers; comments like how if we gained some weight we had "no excuse!" because "your mother has always been a small-waisted woman!" like he would be indignant. Sooo weird for me now to think about how they acted like it was normal to be comparing us to her, like she was the template of what a female body should look like and anyone who didn't look identical to her was failing.
#51
Shed manage my weigth. The one week all i got was water and salades. And rude comments. The next week i would get junkfood and sweets. On going cycle it was. I hate food. I eat healthy, but i dont enjoy eating or preparing food. Dont know if she was jealous or just liked controlling me.
#52
Not my mom but my grandma. I love her to death and she’s nice most of the time, but she’s got her own issues and they shine through sometimes. It was my 12th birthday and I’d eaten more enchiladas than I could count. After dinner, I asked for a cucumber with lime (one of my favorite snacks) and she told me that I couldn’t have one since I’d already eaten enough. Keep in mind this was about 2 hours after dinner and it was a f*cking cucumber, which is mostly water anyway. My mom heard her and ripped her a new one, but the damage was done and I didn’t eat for the rest of the afternoon. Another time, she heard me talking about dying my hair and started freaking out that it was all gonna fall off and I’d regret it once I was bald and ugly. That was when I was 14 and I’ve dyed my hair over a dozen times by now and she’s much more relaxed about it. She’s gotten better over the years, but eating healthy amounts of food and changing physical appearances were a struggle for her to accept.
#53
My mom has always been overweight, and she'd almost celebrate when I would eat a lot of food. She'd encourage it and food would definitely be a bonding thing for us. But when I was younger my metabolism was that of a young person and people used to joke that I had a hollow leg. As I got older and experienced life outside of home I realized not everyone eats until they're uncomfortably full and not everyone spends all their freetime watching tv. So I changed my lifestyle so I could do all those fun things I was missing out on (and saved money by not eating until I was bursting at the seems) and she noticed. And she didn't really like it. If I deny offered food because I'm not hungry, she acts like I personally offended her. Every comment was "yeah, well just don't get too skinny." The thing is I'm not skinny. I wear sizes 12/14/XL. But to her it's like I'm borderline underweight.
#54
I was going through an episode of depression because i broke up with my abusive boyfriend that i somehow wanted back (very stupid back then), was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams, used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was 21 and weighed 45 kilograms, my bones were showing everywhere and i was literally sick. When my parents once came to visit me in the city i am studying, she goes “oh my god, you look so good, skinny and slim like that” and i go “you know i barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night, right?” then she goes silent for a few moments and she replies “it s going to be fine, just don’t get fat like i got since i was in my 30s”. Then a few months pass and i go home for a few days, i started to gain some weight and felt a lot better. First thing she says to me when she sees me “oh god, did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms, they’re starting to get chubby!” and i only had 50 kilograms then (i’m 163 cm tall). So i reply “you know i feel better than how i felt a few months ago, i eat regularly and exercise and this is what you tell me?”. She gives me this ugly look and goes “if you get any chubbier no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time, it made me feel pretty”. It wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing, but she was projecting her own insecurities on me and that bothered me very much, i still think about it every now and then...:
What do you think ?
JustinTime 3 years ago
This article hurts bad!! I was the Lightning rod for my mom’s s**t my entire life, she’s a venomous bipolar narcissist. On 2007 the mother of my twins took her own life, we weren’t together, and my mom told me the twins would be better off if I killed myself. No one talks to her anymore and she blames me for that.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Jesus. I'm really sorry JustinTime. So very sorry for your loss. Are you ok? and the twins? HUG from me.
Load More Replies...
Susie Elle 3 years ago
As hurtful and damaging these moms were, their behavior mostly shows how toxic and destructive the endless focus on the female outer appearance is and has been. Imagine being that brainwashed by society that your body is never good enough that you take it with you to your actual deathbed. It's horrifying, and incredibly sad that the trauma runs so deep the moms belittled and hurt their own daughters just to escape from their own pain. There are no winners here.
Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)
Jealous women can be so toxic. They should know better but seem to think they are more important than their children... but forget that you should NEVER insult your kids. When we get jealous of someone else, we are always insecure in our own ability to get or provide that same thing. Insecurity is fear and doubt.
Lola 3 years ago
I believe this is more than insecurity though. These women are showing deep mental issues that go beyond insecurity. I think they are downright monstrous. It’s hard to believe when you have been told that no one loves you like a mother. And that is the greatest love and blah blah. While it’s true for most mothers, obviously not for all.
Load More Replies...
Alexa Saltz 3 years ago
Some mothers truly hate their own child. Within 5 minutes of being in my mother's presence she will develop a migraine. She can't stand the sight of me, she hates the sound of my voice, my interests and hobbies are stupid, I have horrible taste in everything, and nothing I have ever done is good enough. I wanted so much to be loved by her. When I could not make that happen, I continued to destroy myself where she left off. I did not realize my worthiness as a human being until I was in my 50s. If only I understood what it means to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother and the identified patient in a dysfunctional family much sooner. I believed everything she ever said about me, even though deep inside I knew none of it was true. 20 years now, no contact. I am sure she will summon me before too much longer, but I will not go. She will never again get the opportunity to hurt me. Narcissistic parents never apologize and they never change. It would be so much easier if I could hate her.
Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Nope. No change, ever. Do not wish for hate. keep love in your heart.
Load More Replies...
Poultry Geist 3 years ago
My mom and grandma would walk behind me hold their hands out (my hips width ) and chant bumb, bumb ,bumb like I was a dinosaur walking around making the ground shake! I was 10 or 11 years old ! Somehow I’m not self conscious about my large rear end ! 😂
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
From the time I was an infant one of my mom's favorite things to do to me was make me cry by telling me nobody loved me and I was just a sad garbage baby. She thought it was funny to see my face switch from being so happy to being so sad. She took pride in telling me that story. My dad used to laugh about it too until he spent time in a mental health facility. My father was driven away by my mom and moved on. My psychological abuse continued. She's highly narcissistic and would take credit for every award I got, which was a lot. I'm typical for the child of a narcissist. I was an overachiever and I suffered a breakdown in my early 20s and burnout by my 30s. I got help from the school and local child services to become legally emancipated at 16. I'm finally getting over my upbringing and just barely starting to understand self worth. I'm in my 40s. Too anyone going through abuse like this- 💖 please get help. There are many free resources online and plenty of hotlines that can put you
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
In touch with local groups that can help you get away. To anyone that's gone through this- 💖 I hope you are in a much better place now and you deserve self respect simply for surviving.
Load More Replies... Memere 3 years ago (edited)
I have to wonder how many of these awful mothers grew up with mothers just like them. Abusers have almost always been abused. Or like my dad's mother - she was a horrid woman, completely self-centered & mean - she was the youngest of 13 & always taken care of, given everything she wanted. After my dad's father died when dad was 11, she was going to put him in an orphanage but keep his sister. Her family stepped in & helped financially, so she kept him. She also would give gifts to my mom & then a week later ask for them back. A lot of the verbal & emotional abuse I got from my dad was a direct result of how his mother had treated him. My mom was a good mom & was never abusive to me or my siblings, but to be honest, she was more focused on making my dad happy.
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
Oh where to start... maybe the slapping my belly when I was 3-4 cuz I was fat, she still complains I'm fat. Yeah I get it, I'm fat, but f**k you stop slapping my belly. Or always saying turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness or the ever famous You're just making that up when I told her I was being bullied at school by not only the other kids but the teachers. Or maybe not standing up for me when her stepmother, father, half-sister and brother were calling me every disgusting name in the book and telling me I was stupid and fat and would never amount to anything, that I never knew what I was talking about etc, or punishing (spanking) me if I tried to stand up for myself. She never once told me she was proud of me, always tells me I can do better. Always told me she wasn't wasting her money on me for that, whatever it was that I wanted to do. Forced me to wear "girl" clothes and play with "girl" toys that I hated...
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
Punished me for having bathroom accidents when she was the one that wouldn't take me to the bathroom when I was little and we were out in public. She stopped saying she loved me or hugging me when I was 6. Is now refusing to accept that I can no longer walk without extreme pain and throws a royal hissy fit when I try to use my wheelchair. I could go on, but... yeah
Load More Replies... buttonpusher 3 years ago (edited)
I had this crap growing up. I'm tall and thin. I usually avoid talking about weight because I got a lot of hassle growing up from my mother. In school I was the "skinny b***h". When I fell pregnant she told me I was going to get fat, I'll never go back to "normal" and I'll never like my body again. Turns out I carry "long" and I barely showed at all. The day I was leaving the hospital she was there and the look on her face was something else. She was fuming. I didn't look like I'd had a baby and my body didn't change at all. A student midwife freaked out during one appointment and ran to get a second opinion. When they came back the other midwife said "Ah, I know you!" and explained everything was fine. It goes on fundal length and not abdomen size. So my mother said it would happen eventually. I've got 3 kids and I'm still the same. Edit - Just to add all this did have a big, negative impact on me growing up. Especially when I hit puberty. Also because I was a tall kid I'd hear "You should be a model" a lot. It was usually the first thing I'd hear when I met someone new. I was led to believe looks were everything and it crushed my self esteem because in my mind I wasn't good enough. It took a long time to snap out of it. I look back at pics from that time and I looked great, but I couldn't see it. I'm open with my kids about it too. Especially keeping an eye on my daughter as she's approaching that age where this crap starts, and she can be very sensitive. I'd hate to be growing up now around all the Instagram crap, the filters. It's gone way overboard.
KimB 3 years ago
My mom is great! My paternal grandmother on the other hand was brutal. I was well still am quite muscular. Growing up playing sports and studied martial arts I was far from fat but I was not a delicate ballerina like my older cousin. This was unacceptable to my grandmother. I remember trying on a dress for a summer family event and her telling me "I couldn't pull off sleeveless because my arms were too big!" As in my biceps!!! My mother stepped in and immediately disagreed with her telling me I was strong and beautiful but to this very day I think twice about my big arms and clothing selections...it's sad the psychological damage our own family subjects us to :(
JustinTime 3 years ago
This article hurts bad!! I was the Lightning rod for my mom’s s**t my entire life, she’s a venomous bipolar narcissist. On 2007 the mother of my twins took her own life, we weren’t together, and my mom told me the twins would be better off if I killed myself. No one talks to her anymore and she blames me for that.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Jesus. I'm really sorry JustinTime. So very sorry for your loss. Are you ok? and the twins? HUG from me.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
As hurtful and damaging these moms were, their behavior mostly shows how toxic and destructive the endless focus on the female outer appearance is and has been. Imagine being that brainwashed by society that your body is never good enough that you take it with you to your actual deathbed. It's horrifying, and incredibly sad that the trauma runs so deep the moms belittled and hurt their own daughters just to escape from their own pain. There are no winners here.
Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)
Jealous women can be so toxic. They should know better but seem to think they are more important than their children... but forget that you should NEVER insult your kids. When we get jealous of someone else, we are always insecure in our own ability to get or provide that same thing. Insecurity is fear and doubt.
Lola 3 years ago
I believe this is more than insecurity though. These women are showing deep mental issues that go beyond insecurity. I think they are downright monstrous. It’s hard to believe when you have been told that no one loves you like a mother. And that is the greatest love and blah blah. While it’s true for most mothers, obviously not for all.
Load More Replies... Alexa Saltz 3 years ago
Some mothers truly hate their own child. Within 5 minutes of being in my mother's presence she will develop a migraine. She can't stand the sight of me, she hates the sound of my voice, my interests and hobbies are stupid, I have horrible taste in everything, and nothing I have ever done is good enough. I wanted so much to be loved by her. When I could not make that happen, I continued to destroy myself where she left off. I did not realize my worthiness as a human being until I was in my 50s. If only I understood what it means to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother and the identified patient in a dysfunctional family much sooner. I believed everything she ever said about me, even though deep inside I knew none of it was true. 20 years now, no contact. I am sure she will summon me before too much longer, but I will not go. She will never again get the opportunity to hurt me. Narcissistic parents never apologize and they never change. It would be so much easier if I could hate her.
Suzy the observer 3 years ago
Nope. No change, ever. Do not wish for hate. keep love in your heart.
Load More Replies... Poultry Geist 3 years ago
My mom and grandma would walk behind me hold their hands out (my hips width ) and chant bumb, bumb ,bumb like I was a dinosaur walking around making the ground shake! I was 10 or 11 years old ! Somehow I’m not self conscious about my large rear end ! 😂
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
From the time I was an infant one of my mom's favorite things to do to me was make me cry by telling me nobody loved me and I was just a sad garbage baby. She thought it was funny to see my face switch from being so happy to being so sad. She took pride in telling me that story. My dad used to laugh about it too until he spent time in a mental health facility. My father was driven away by my mom and moved on. My psychological abuse continued. She's highly narcissistic and would take credit for every award I got, which was a lot. I'm typical for the child of a narcissist. I was an overachiever and I suffered a breakdown in my early 20s and burnout by my 30s. I got help from the school and local child services to become legally emancipated at 16. I'm finally getting over my upbringing and just barely starting to understand self worth. I'm in my 40s. Too anyone going through abuse like this- 💖 please get help. There are many free resources online and plenty of hotlines that can put you
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
In touch with local groups that can help you get away. To anyone that's gone through this- 💖 I hope you are in a much better place now and you deserve self respect simply for surviving.
Load More Replies... Memere 3 years ago (edited)
I have to wonder how many of these awful mothers grew up with mothers just like them. Abusers have almost always been abused. Or like my dad's mother - she was a horrid woman, completely self-centered & mean - she was the youngest of 13 & always taken care of, given everything she wanted. After my dad's father died when dad was 11, she was going to put him in an orphanage but keep his sister. Her family stepped in & helped financially, so she kept him. She also would give gifts to my mom & then a week later ask for them back. A lot of the verbal & emotional abuse I got from my dad was a direct result of how his mother had treated him. My mom was a good mom & was never abusive to me or my siblings, but to be honest, she was more focused on making my dad happy.
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
Oh where to start... maybe the slapping my belly when I was 3-4 cuz I was fat, she still complains I'm fat. Yeah I get it, I'm fat, but f**k you stop slapping my belly. Or always saying turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness or the ever famous You're just making that up when I told her I was being bullied at school by not only the other kids but the teachers. Or maybe not standing up for me when her stepmother, father, half-sister and brother were calling me every disgusting name in the book and telling me I was stupid and fat and would never amount to anything, that I never knew what I was talking about etc, or punishing (spanking) me if I tried to stand up for myself. She never once told me she was proud of me, always tells me I can do better. Always told me she wasn't wasting her money on me for that, whatever it was that I wanted to do. Forced me to wear "girl" clothes and play with "girl" toys that I hated...
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
Punished me for having bathroom accidents when she was the one that wouldn't take me to the bathroom when I was little and we were out in public. She stopped saying she loved me or hugging me when I was 6. Is now refusing to accept that I can no longer walk without extreme pain and throws a royal hissy fit when I try to use my wheelchair. I could go on, but... yeah
Load More Replies... buttonpusher 3 years ago (edited)
I had this crap growing up. I'm tall and thin. I usually avoid talking about weight because I got a lot of hassle growing up from my mother. In school I was the "skinny b***h". When I fell pregnant she told me I was going to get fat, I'll never go back to "normal" and I'll never like my body again. Turns out I carry "long" and I barely showed at all. The day I was leaving the hospital she was there and the look on her face was something else. She was fuming. I didn't look like I'd had a baby and my body didn't change at all. A student midwife freaked out during one appointment and ran to get a second opinion. When they came back the other midwife said "Ah, I know you!" and explained everything was fine. It goes on fundal length and not abdomen size. So my mother said it would happen eventually. I've got 3 kids and I'm still the same. Edit - Just to add all this did have a big, negative impact on me growing up. Especially when I hit puberty. Also because I was a tall kid I'd hear "You should be a model" a lot. It was usually the first thing I'd hear when I met someone new. I was led to believe looks were everything and it crushed my self esteem because in my mind I wasn't good enough. It took a long time to snap out of it. I look back at pics from that time and I looked great, but I couldn't see it. I'm open with my kids about it too. Especially keeping an eye on my daughter as she's approaching that age where this crap starts, and she can be very sensitive. I'd hate to be growing up now around all the Instagram crap, the filters. It's gone way overboard.
KimB 3 years ago
My mom is great! My paternal grandmother on the other hand was brutal. I was well still am quite muscular. Growing up playing sports and studied martial arts I was far from fat but I was not a delicate ballerina like my older cousin. This was unacceptable to my grandmother. I remember trying on a dress for a summer family event and her telling me "I couldn't pull off sleeveless because my arms were too big!" As in my biceps!!! My mother stepped in and immediately disagreed with her telling me I was strong and beautiful but to this very day I think twice about my big arms and clothing selections...it's sad the psychological damage our own family subjects us to :(
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