‘Murdered By Words’: 50 Epic Comebacks That Immediately Put Jerks In Their Place (New Pics)
Welcome to the internet, a place to find like-minded people no matter what your background is. Sounds fun, right? Sadly, it can become quite toxic. And we're the ones to blame for it. Racism, misogyny, classism; all of society's wounds fester online just as much as they do in real life.
However, being insulting and mean often comes right back to bite you. Amongst the most impressive ways to fight internet trolls is by using the epic art of the comeback. Fierce, well-constructed, and piercingly accurate arguments end up in the subreddit called Murdered By Words. This community with over 2.6M members is the place where verbal assassins cut right through the BS and share some of the best burns.
When you’re done scrolling through this list, you’ll find some more inspiration for savage comebacks by checking out Bored Panda’s previous posts on the subreddit here, here, and here.
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F***ing Dumb Is An Understatement
A while back, Bored Panda talked to the mods of r/MurderedByWords who said that "a murder should (but doesn't always have to) be more than a quick response or retort. The best murders are well-constructed, thought-out responses that leave the opening argument completely without any ability to reply.“
And there's more than one way to crush your opponent verbally. A burn or “a quick rapier thrust or stab to the heart (a short, swift reply) can be just as deadly as a drawn-out murder, and you'll frequently see both types in this sub," the moderator explained. And as you can guess, put-downs shared in this group might be some of the most enjoyable one-liners in human history.
But when you end up in the middle of a heated argument, emotions can take over. Especially if the person you're disagreeing with is sticking to an opinion that's just nonsense. So having in mind the rise in the number of flat earthers and anti-vaxxers, staying civil on the internet these past years can seem like an impossible task.
Satanists Just Don't Acknowledge Religions
And while ruthless put-downs seem entertaining in the online world, other principles apply when you're arguing with someone in real life. To find out more about how to deal with those who mock you, Bored Panda reached out to Neel Burton, M.D., a psychiatrist, philosopher and author of Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions.
Burton is doubtful that throwing put-downs to the mockers actually make us feel better. "Someone who's insulting you is already in a weak position—or why would they be insulting you—so it would be unkind to shatter them completely. If you respond with compassionate silence, the message will be both stronger and kinder,“ he advised.
Murdered And Exposed And Torn Asunder...
Deserved It
what did she expect in a gender neutral bathroom? men lining up and waiting for her until she finishes using the bathroom?
Clinical psychotherapist Eva Jajonie agrees with this line of thinking, and offers this explanation as to why the desire to offend someone is a sign of vulnerability: "When suppressed concerns and feelings, such as lack of self-esteem; self-defeating thoughts and behaviors; guilt; and anger, for example, are not treated or dealt with, the person uses insults to unleash anger, to escape dealing with the pain or trauma experienced.”
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
Hey America! Can you feel the burn of the Australian Sun hitting you?
Say Her Name
Now that we know someone who is taking a cheap shot at you isn't that much of a threat, another thing to consider is status. According to Burton, we should try to keep our integrity: "If you engage the insulter on their own level, you are bringing yourself down and giving their insult far too much legitimacy.“ Staying levelheaded during an argument is not easy, but can be learned with practice. Like, try to notice when the adrenaline starts kicking in stopping it. Or take some deep breaths to remain calm, whatever method works for you.
What Did You Do?
Science Is Hard
Pot, Meet Kettle
But when you hear ignorant slurs, it's often difficult to just stand by. Here's where using humor can be extremely effective. "A good comeback is one that the insulter can also laugh at. It should not be too devastating. Ideally, it should be tangential, maybe even absurd,“ Burton explained. If your reply is funny, well-timed and well delivered, it can diffuse the tension of the situation and undercut the mockery.
The Call Is Coming From Inside The House
As a Non-American, I am still struggling hard to understand why everything that even remotely resembles a working social system is condsidered communism... It works in nearly every other country, with such side effects as keeping criminality low, eliminating the need for guns, raising the statistical life expectancy.
It's So Obvious And They Still Miss It
What I love most as an answer for this kind of questions is - so why do you wear glasses/pants/shoes - that's not how good created you
Pretty sure god didn't create the internet either. Reading things like this you gotta at least admire the Amish for sticking to their convictions.
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"An AUTOimmune" system?! Oh boy... Where to even start. It's an immune system. Autoimmune responses can cause severe disease. And I'm going back to bed now.
God gave them autoimmune system to fight the autoimmune diseases from the inside😉
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"God" sent you here naked, squealing and squinting, yet here you are with your jeans, talking (or blathering) and wearing contacts. Still short-sighted, though, and not making much sense. 🤷♀️
Also, autoimmune describes a collection of medical conditions in which one's immune system attacks one's native, healthy tissues. I have three, currently, and they're not at all enjoyable.
YES! That medical treatment you don't want because you're waiting for god to send you a miracle, is the miracle that god sent to you.
As a Catholic, I can honestly say I have been taught that they is not the right logic. Receiving a vaccine is someone's choice, but shouldn't be refused based on this reasoning. It's like the analogy about the glasses, for those with worse eye with.
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That makes no sense. Humans are meant to have an immune system. Your not special coz you have one, also doesn't mean that it wont have times when it glitches or not work at all. Hence the NEED for vaccines, medications and other treatments etc.
You on a losing wicket there buddy.People been pointing out versions of that to religious folk for 1000 years. Hasn't worked yet...
If you throw anything at a wall enough times, it will start to stick. Even if it is no longer recognizable
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Working in a hospital, and fully vaccinated… what I don’t understand is the variability of this logic. Don’t trust a vaccine made by a man but will still take a medicine to save your life, administered by a human. Surgery performed by a human. If you’re so religious, stop getting human-made treatments. When god tries to call you home, stop letting human-made medicine prevent the meeting. Don’t pick and choose which human-made treatments to take.
I will never understand why the "muh freedumb" anti-vax crowd skitters to the nearest ER when they can't breathe on their own anymore. You thought medicine was a bad thing, Cletus. Go drown on dry land somewhere else-- we're trying to heal people here.
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Your god also gave you a brain and they expect you to use it instead of blaming them for your stupid choices.
Do you have any scientific evidence that any gods even exist? Do you have any proof that any gods gave anyone anything?
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Ah, yes! The good old days before modern medicine. Everyone ate organic food, breathed clean air and died from prickling their finger on a bush.
And yet, once you contract COVID, you'll be first in line to get medical treatment. Shouldn't you just accept what god gave you?
Vaccines are designed to help the immune-system, to teach it about diseases without actually having to get sick and risk your life in the process.
They should think of it as the immune system studying for a big exam that may, or may not, come.
Load More Replies... God gave you your rear end for excretion, but you spew sh!t from your mouth
Really? God helps those who help themselves? Sounds suspiciously like a completely absent, nonexistent god. Some children in parts of Africa and are born to christian parents. Some of them are born starving and or with AIDS. That child prays and prays to your god and your god does nothing but let them suffer and die. This really happens in our modern world sometimes. Is that how your god works? F-u-ck your god and f-u-ck you.
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Such a weird way to think. God made everything, but what? The Devil invented medicine? I just don't get it.
Now I'm thinking about it, the snake around staff symbol is used in medicine. So may be........
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The Ojibwe man was telling me the story to illustrate that the Creator gave people free will. I almost started laughing before the end - it's also a Jewish story. I'm an atheist, but I really like that story. People who require miracles are basically taking everyday miracles for granted and asking for novelty.
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Um, an AUTOimmune system?? There's your immune system, and then there are autoimmune diseases where your immune system doesn't work properly, which one was she talking about do you think?
I’m not sure if this is true so please don’t judge but if you already had covid does that decrease your chance of getting it again or…?
This is of course a question they're still studying, but the data they have so far indicates that having covid will give most people some level of immunity, but in some it's not very strong and in most it doesn't last for very long. Vaccination gives much better protection than relying on a previous infection. Here's a link to some of the data; there are other places you can look. Thanks for asking a smart question and being open to the science on this :) https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2021/s1029-Vaccination-Offers-Higher-Protection.html
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I believe we were also given the brains to be smart enough to get a vaccine instead of dying
Thats not true because people with real faith aren't scared to die and wouldn't ask that question. If god wants me to die from covid i will vaccine or not
God did not send a vaccine, scientists created it through years of study, research, and experience.
Yes, but they need to call it Gods Will or it means nothing. They are hypnotized.
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https://truthbook.com/stories/funny-god/the-drowning-man
These people are ridiculous and show how self-involved Christians are. Like so you have an immune system and are safe. Therefore, all the people dying, clearly god hates them.
God never sent the vaccine, pharmaceutical companies did. What you said, you might as well say that God sent murderers and peadiphiles !
This is like that joke about the old man caught in a flood. A boat came by to save him, and he sent it away because god would save him. The a Hummer shows up, and the guy does the same thing. Finally, an helicopter arrives, and he sends that away, too. When he drowns and goes to heaven, he ask God why she didn't save him. She flips over the blackjack table she's playing at, and yells, "Jesus Christ! I sent a boat, a Hummer, and a helicopter! What did you expect, to get raptured?"
my immune system is in the toilet due to my failing kidneys. i'll take whatever vaccine is offered if there's a chance it can keep me from dying in agony
They'll use 2000 year old biblical evidence pulled up on the latest iPhone version and never see the dichotomy.
Actually man, I sent the vaccine a couple of months BEFORE the Cootie-19. Isn't that a funny coincidence. And stop calling it a "vaccine". It is not a vaccine: it is an experimental gene therapy that we Elite Beings decided to test on a couple of billion biped guinea pigs, for $24 a clot-shot. Capisch? Now take it and stop whining. Any myocarditis or blood clots that happen to come along - VERY RARE - we got something we can sell you for that too. Nifty huh?
It is said that you think that someone who wasn't even targeting anybody is a jerk. Sheś just standing up for her freedoms.
An autoimmune system? Autoimmune means that your body is mistakenly attacking itself. Sometimes I think we should just let these idiots die.
If god created and oversees everything, he would create viruses too and give us the mind to deal with them. This is why I don't get religion
Americans already get a dozen different vaccines before even reaching school age and are required to get several boosters throughout their lives. Vaccinations aren't the problem. THIS vaccine is a problem b/c of Trump and the GQP. They'd rather kill you than admit COVID-19 is a huge problem and they totally dropped the ball
i hate people like this that believe god will save them from everything
If they removed all of the words from the original post and added a cross, I could have filled this in myself, based off that dumbass cartoon face.
Then why did God create “Gesundheit” for when people sneeze from a cold?
He also gave you a brain. He’s gonna be awfully disappointed in you, OP
I just wanna know how it felt repeatedly knocking your own teeth out up into your mid twenties? I mean, since clearly we don’t need them or we would have been born with them.
It's a modified version of something I've heard a bunch. It's saying that God does give you what you asked for, but he does it by giving other people the ability to help.
Load More Replies...Got Sonned
To make the web a kinder and safer place, do an ethical 'gut test' before sharing, commenting, or posting. Just remember, the Murdered By Words community is always watching and no insults or cruel comments get past their sharp eyes.
How’s That Racism?
Shoot Like A Girl
"Bean-bag shaped mayonnaise-filled men" let that sink in for a minute. 🤣
I Will Leave This Kind Of Debate To You People
no genuinely nice, good person will care. the negative comments will come from jerks
"You Have Your Quiver On Backwards"
There Is Nothing Inherently Great About Any Country
are you serious? its not like people go "huh I think I want to be born in a terrible country, try to escape, but end up locked up instead. yes that sounds like a perfect life"
Cognitive Dissonance (He Left Me On Seen Btw)
Some People Really Need To Stop Thinking About A Damn Rock
Reading Is For Suckers
When You Come For Brazil But Forget You Live In The Us
I wouldn't be surprised if they made the kids move classes just to get some energy out of their system...
What Weighs More, A Pound Of Feathers Or A Pound Of Iron?
Nonni From The Top Rope
Response About A Record Number Of Concert Attendees
Just Work Harder!
Had an entire conversation with a coworker about this. He's very convinced if he lost everything tomorrow, he'd be back to fine within a year. I countered with, so you'd just go out and get another job huh? Where are you going to shower? Where are you going to sleep? What are you going to eat? How would you get to that job? What clothes do you think you'll be wearing to that job?
Don't Forget To Recycle
Same Same, But Different
They don't like it when their logic is being used against them! They're always "yes, but..."
Embarrassing, Indeed
Shame On You, Crayola!
I fully understand how offensive the "n-word" is in the USA (for historical reasons and all), but Americans also need to understand that in other countries/cultures/languages it is not considered an offensive word (or it's just mildly offensive). It's unrealistic to expect everyone in the world to follow your cultural norms.
Parental Disparages
Accurate. In the U.S., studies show that Black and white people use drugs at roughly the same rates, but Black people are 2-11 times more likely to be arrested for it, depending on the state. If you live in a state that has legalized marijuana but hasn't committed to reevaluating the sentences for people in prison for marijuana-related convictions, I hope you call your politicians and speak out.
I Don’t Know If That Counts
The Misspell Just Perfects It
Lovely Trisha (31) enjoys barbeques, monster truck rally, and incest...
Arrivederci Amore Mio
Don't Disrespect Tom Hanks
Alabama Would Like To Have A Word
Is this idiot trying to draw a comparison from forced child marriage to equal marriage rights between two consenting adults? I just can't deal with that level of stupid. Even if that was what was in the picture, the comparison is just so very absurd.
Dude Just Roasted The Entire Human Race
Anti-Birth Control And Probably Anti-Abortion Mbw
my birth control are pretty great for my health though :D good skin, easy periods and less stress is good for both mental and physical wellbeing
Quitting 101
Nyt Reporter Has A Basic Question For Minnesota's Rollout Of "Not-Reaching Pouches," A Bold New Innovation In Hoping Cops Don't Shoot You!
Killed A Guy And One Country In A Single Sentence
Dude Wants “Young Woman To Help Rule His Kingdom”
Why would any young woman want to help you run your imaginary ‘kingdom’?
Let's Get The Ignorant Ones To Write Policies
Myabe if he'd been around when his kids were babies he would know what is involved with having one.
Is That More Of An Oops Or A Whoops?
Dolphins Are Intelligent Animals
Gender is how you feel in your soul. Heck, if in your soul, you feel you are a dolphin and every day you want to commit to being a dolphin, be seen as a dolphin, and be treated as a dolphin, go for it buddy. I expect you'll quickly realize gender isn't a game and it's more complicated than you thought.
You Tell Him!
People like that will never admit to be in the wrong. They are always the victim, even when they exert violence on someone else (Says "See what you made me do!?" while beating up someone)
Can't Find Anyone To Hire
Sorry but just because you have a business doesn't mean the world owes you employees.
Anti-Vax Takedown On Nextdoor
Fact Checking Has Become A Bloodsport...
The company i work for has 240,000 employees and said "you don't get vaccinated by Nov 18th, you're fired" and i think that is wonderful.
And As His Second And Third Too
Opposite Gender
Note: this post originally had 76 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
The one with Crayola made me remember of a Buzzfeed video where Americans, I think, were comparing American and Canadian food or things. When they learned our whole milk is called homo milk they immediately thought it was a reference to homosexuals and being offensive. Homo is short for homogenized. Meanwhile, Canada legalized guy marriage before the US. But that's long old news now.
Why would anyone make offensive milk? 🤣 Wait 'til they hear about homo sapiens
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Curious as to why the word “raping” was redacted. It’s a crime not a vulgar slur. Would you redact the word “murder”?
Because apparently it's a "taboo subject" that shouldn't be talked about... Which is stupid as hell, as that discourages victims from ever speaking up!
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US is bad because of Trump. Who would be Hitler if we let him. And almost did.
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I mean, the USA does royally suck right now and it's about time we step up and realize how badly we need to change.
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that's because America is doing a lot of bad/stupid things right now...
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The one with Crayola made me remember of a Buzzfeed video where Americans, I think, were comparing American and Canadian food or things. When they learned our whole milk is called homo milk they immediately thought it was a reference to homosexuals and being offensive. Homo is short for homogenized. Meanwhile, Canada legalized guy marriage before the US. But that's long old news now.
Why would anyone make offensive milk? 🤣 Wait 'til they hear about homo sapiens
Load More Replies... Curious as to why the word “raping” was redacted. It’s a crime not a vulgar slur. Would you redact the word “murder”?
Because apparently it's a "taboo subject" that shouldn't be talked about... Which is stupid as hell, as that discourages victims from ever speaking up!
Load More Replies... US is bad because of Trump. Who would be Hitler if we let him. And almost did.
Load More Replies... I mean, the USA does royally suck right now and it's about time we step up and realize how badly we need to change.
Load More Replies... that's because America is doing a lot of bad/stupid things right now...
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