Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Someone Asked Women To Share Uncomfortable Truths About Marriage And 50 Didn’t Hold Back
Despite the plethora of media around getting married, real, honest depictions of regular married life are few and far between. The result is that many things that couples go through are simply never portrayed, which leads to skewed perceptions among newlyweds.
So someone asked women “What are some brutal marriage truths that are not commonly mentioned?” and folks from across the internet gave their best answers. So get comfortable, perhaps consider taking notes, and scroll through. Be sure to upvote your favorite examples and comment your thoughts and experiences below.
Image credits: Zealousideal-Tale488
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Pregnancy and childbirth are horrendous on a woman's body and are often used by abusers as a control tactic to make harder for her to leave. Honestly girls, if he's pushing you to get a bun in the oven earlier than you would like to, think about what other controlling behaviour you might be brushing off or excusing.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
Then after pregnancy, many controlling men are brutally critical of the changes to her body, and often use that as an excuse for neglect or infidelity
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
The worst thing for an abuser to say to a women who's had kids "No else is going to want you. Look at yourself. You're a damaged product. Who wants a loose pussy, deflated, saggy blimp?" I just want to say, though, that women's bodies are amazing and that all that drivel some vapid men (and some women) believe is gross lies. You carried and birthed another human being who's bringing you joy. There are others out there who will see you as more than just a piece of meat for the "carnivorous woodpeckers". Beware of those. They're not committed to just one. But there are good men out there who are looking for a decent partner and will not mind she has a past. Doesn't everyone have a past? Like, we're not born yesterday. And if some idiot is looking for someone born yesterday they should be in the slammer with not allowed to be within 100 miles from kids.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
My ex fiance did this, pushing for an earlier wedding date and a baby when i wasnt ready and there was a 10 year age gap between us and poking holes in the pertection we used, left stright after i found that out
Tams21 2 years ago
Getting pushed into *anything* you don't want to do (let alone a huge, life changing decision) is a huge red flag.
Jcusack 2 years ago
PREACH!!! I was hoping someone would say this. If anyone is forcing to do something you're clearly against, there's a bigger issue.
Load More Replies...
Terri-Georgia Print 2 years ago
Funnily enough this happened to me .. he loved me pregnant but lost interest as soon as I had my son... he's not been involved at all for the last 11 years
Dr Robert Neville 2 years ago
Prior to marriage I had 2 seperate girlfriends who became "pregnant" after we split up, both of whom miraculously miscarried with no visible trauma or evidence at all when we got back together.
Tamra 2 years ago
My husband and I tried for 16 years to have a child...lots of tests, procedures, miscarriages, failure to adopt, all of it. Miraculously, we finally did have a child. I mention all of that to drive home the point that he was very much wanted, but childbirth was very, very hard on my body, and the postpartum time was absolutely awful. Pregnancy and childbirth, not to mention child-rearing, is a HUGE life-changing decision and can absolutely be horrendous, even when the child is wanted and loved. Not a decision to let someone else railroad you into making.
Load More Replies... RELATED:
#2
You'll never love *everything* about your partner. There will be things that annoy you and vice versa.
Gwen Smith 2 years ago
My mom passed away when I was a young teen, my dad taught me, "No one is perfect. My advice is, figure out what 10 things you can not stand to be around in a person, then find a person who doesn't have those personality traits, then, only then, give it a go. AND, my girl, remember, you won't be a perfect 10 everday either. " good advice! I took it to heart and my husband and I, neither of us perfect, just celebrated 27 years.
Sue Denham 2 years ago
If your partner was 100% faultless that, in time, would become annoying in itself.
María Hermida 2 years ago
If your partner were 100% faultless, s/he would be an AI-generated cyborg, because there's not one single case of a perfect person in human history. I think we should be honest with ourselves, admit our faults, work on them if necessary, and set our boundaries beforehand. We all should know what we are ready to put up with and what are red flags for us, and act consequently. And again, you need to be honest. I would not put up with an "open" marriage, for example. There's nothing wrong with it, but it wouldn't work for me because I'm absolutely monogamous and I want the same in my partner. Before marrying, we should make sure we know ourselves, our expectations, our partner and what we want in life.
Load More Replies... 
LadyRougarou 2 years ago
I know I annoy my hubby and he gets to escape me by playing video games. When he knows he is annoying me I get to escape by my arts and crafts while blaring music in my headphones. Some time alone and escaping one another helps. We never bug one another in our alone time unless we are hungry then we cook together and enjoy our day. People who crave attention 24/7 and can't enjoy having alone time tend to be the people who are oblivious that they are annoying and get offended when they are told so imo.
Zoey Rayne 2 years ago
I doubt there are people who even love everything about themselves, so...
tom oneill 2 years ago
That's what i say, start everyone at 50% trust, if they go below that CUT THEM OFF, that one special someone could be at 99% but NO-ONE gets 100, there will always be something about them that bothers you
#3
You can throw 100% of yourself into trying to make your marriage work, but if your partner doesn’t contribute or contribute ENOUGH, your marriage can still fail. Your very best isn’t enough to ensure a long and happy relationship—it takes two.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Don't think of it as a failure. Think of it as "I tried my best but it's time for me to move on."
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Myself and Hubby are 50/50 with our marriage but a friend of mine keeps doing extra in her marriage and her husband cheated on her twice and she begged him to give it another go and she is still running after him.. lesson not learned 🤦♀️
meepmeep 2 years ago
This. And also, it could be like me where I self-sacrificed to "make others happy". That doesn't work. I had to learn that what I want has to matter to me, or it will matter to no one - even if others aren't bad people. If you're in a one-sided marriage, then you're probably self-sacrificing. Decide what you want, and if they don't like you deciding what you want, then it's probably time to let it go. Like someone above said, it's not failure - it's having the wisdom to know that it's time to let you go. Don't get me wrong - divorce sucks - but it may be the best decision in the circumstances
Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago
If you are having problems and your spouse refuses to go to counseling, go by yourself to prepare yourself to DIVORCE them. If things are bad enough that you feel you need counseling together, and the other person flat out refuses, they don't care about fixing the relationship, they just want to get their way.
#4
Wives are more likely to get left by their husbands when diagnosed with terminal or seriously life altering illness. Self reported reasons include “I don’t want to take care of her for the rest of my life”, “I have needs she wont be able to meet while sick”, and “I don’t want to go broke paying for all her medical bills.”
Kirsten Kerkhof 2 years ago
Mostly because society is incredibly hard on wives leaving.
Load More Replies...
LadyRougarou 2 years ago
I lucked out with my hubby he knew I was disabled when we first started dating(back issues and crps) and now I am being seen for breast cancer. He has been by my side 100% of the way and he knows I'd do the same for him. Men who leave don't have the maturity to handle situations like that are the ones who leave. If you truly care or love someone then you will be there by their side til the end no excuses. It's heartbreaking to hear stories like those mentioned.
Caro Caro 2 years ago
LaddyRougarou, All the best and please keep us posted. We are here for you if you need a shoulder or a laugh. ❤️
Load More Replies...
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I find that cold-hearted and if someone views their relationship as so conditional they're only willing to stick around while their partner is healthy and well, then they've already established they're only in it for the short run.
Daniela Lavanza 2 years ago
A friend of mine, doctor in a hospital, has treated many cancer patients and he noticed the same. Most husbands leave, most wives stay.
Krysta Pandoo 2 years ago
Men wont always leave; they often go f**k someone else because this is what 'in sickness' means to them. If they can't get their jollies, it's okay to get it somewhere else while their beloved wife is dying.
Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
I was just going to bring him up. "Family values"?
Load More Replies... Purplescales 2 years ago
Women chose men they love, so they stay and provide care, men chose women for what the woman can do for them, as soon as she can no longer be useful off they go to find a new one.
Dan Holden 2 years ago (edited)
That's a sweeping generalization if I ever heard one. Maybe don't paint every man or woman with the same brush. There are plenty of men who are with their partners because they love them, and I'm sure there are many women who are with their partner for what he can do for them. Hopefully, most people are with partners they love but obviously that's not always the case. You're basically saying that all men are shallow and transactional.
Load More Replies... #5
That it’s extremely easy to fall into a routine of being more like roommates. And it happens without you really even noticing; then it’s too late.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
If you think of it as a problem that you each need space time to time, then it will be a cause of resentment. Resentment is a fast growing rot in relationships. Just acknowledge you're both still separate people who need separate time with yourselves. Marriage doesn't mean you have to be attached to the hip forever.
Averysleepypanda 2 years ago
I agree, but I don't think this is what this post is referring too.
Load More Replies...
Mabelbabel 2 years ago
Expecting that stomach-fluttering euphoria when you first fall in love to remain after 20 years together is immature-that first flush of falling in love gets replaced by the deep comfort, solidity and serenity of being in love. Understanding how your partner demonstrates that love is important-mine very rarely says "I love you" but it comes through in everything he does-the consideration he shows me, the thoughtfulness, the way he understands me. Saying "I love you" is easy and just words, living "I love you" is so much more.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
I'd like to upvote you ten times, not just once.
Load More Replies...
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Your spouse is your partner in the battle for survival. Decades are a long time. The intensity two people feel at the start of a new relationship will absolutely fade, because it's a chemical reaction in the brain. Too many people confuse love for lust. For most people, work and the struggle to make ends meet consumes their lives. Everyone is too exhausted to do much after working 10 hours. Long stretchs of your life will be work, sleep, work, sleep. But it isn't too late. Your spouse isn't just a sex partner, marriage is so much more than sex. Your spouse should be your best friend. They should be the person you want to spend your free time with as well. You should share interests. If you can't wait to get away from your spouse so you can go hang with friends, you married the wrong person. Or aren't ready for marriage. And put down the video games, because life can be the most exciting game of all.
Christos Arvanitis 2 years ago
I think that this is a bit of an idealized take. My wife and I have been married for 15 years. A good partner is many things and being a roomate/life partner is a good thing IMHO. Not "too late". Expecting heart palpitations every time you see them roll out of bed is a thing of the movies, not real life.
SlightlyTarnished 2 years ago
This isn't just a women thing. Both women and men find themselves in the same pool. Talk it out, you'll find equal footing. Togetherness is a long tough road, but can work with effort and honestly.
#6
As people age they change. So do their values, desires and needs over time. People mature and get to know themselves. What they need and now what they need 10 years down the line might be different.
You have to KEEP getting to know and KEEP learning about your spouse over time.
Alex Martin 2 years ago
26 years. So many ups and downs. Each partner will change and the relationship will change or it will die. I am not the person i was when we were 22 and 23. So many failures and successes, dealing with mental and medical issues, raising a kid all have changed us and our relationship. Mutual resentment almost killed us but we eventually remembered how to respect each other. It takes compassion and humility to make a relationship work.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Partners do help shape each other. But there is a difference between guidance and control.
Meghan Wood 2 years ago
Mine changed and went full MAGA, seemingly out of nowhere. I dreaded going into the 2020 elections with him, luckily he left first and his new fiancée is trumpy too. My friends all hated him and wouldn’t come around anymore. One friend told me after that he made racist comments in front of her and her family, who are Latino. I wish I had known, I would’ve hastened his departure.
Outgraygeous 2 years ago
Yes, your commitment is to the marriage, not necessarily the person because you will both change.
Linds 2 years ago
My sister and her husband got married 3 weeks ago, been together almost 2yrs. They're both only 18 (he joined the marines)... anyone can see they love each other but they're still just kids and we all have concerns, but hope for the best.
My O My 2 years ago
It can work out! I got married aged 21 after 4 years of engagement and we're still going strong after now 18 years of relationship. As far as I can say you need to accept that love changes and that it's fine that way. From butterflies to best friends back to butterflies to roommates you just have to be willing to stick together and work it through
Load More Replies... 
Bill Clinton 2 years ago
Generalizing here, but men want their women to stay the same, women want their men to change.
Marguerite Barnett 2 years ago
Generalizing here, but women want their men to stay the same, men want to change lol. He got a fast car, started working out...
Load More Replies...
alison ponce 2 years ago
That's true. My ex despised and hated Trump, but he voted for him because he despised women more.
#7
My dear friends husband who seemed like a good person really showed his true colors after her cancer diagnosis. He was all me me me, even when he took her to chemo, stayed and carried on bleating about how tough it was for him to cope. It got so bad the nurses told him to stop coming. He then took to Facebook and did it there, blaming her for abandoning him. He complained about no sex after her kidney was removed and it spread to her bones,breasts and liver. She divorced him and went on to live 5 more years after her terminal diagnosis. 5 glorious years filled with the love of her family and devoted friends. He was vilified for the narcissistic a*hole he was, retired early and disappeared from our company. A real prince among men.
Courtney Christelle 2 years ago
Your wife’s body is breaking down from the inside out and all you can think about is your p*nis. Hope he never had sex again.
Tabitha 2 years ago (edited)
Permanent ED for the selfish a*****e would be a great thing.
Load More Replies...
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
This happens to an incredibly large percentage of women who fall critically ill. I am one of them.
Libstak 2 years ago (edited)
I'm so sorry, that's not fair on you. I hope you get better and get away from that.
Load More Replies...
Suck it Trebek 2 years ago
My a*****e brother told his wife who was going through cancer left her the day he brought her home from the hospital after having her cancerous tumor removed. We no longer talk. I don't care that he's "blood". He's a horrible person I refused to keep in my life.
Alexandra 2 years ago
I sometimes think that marriage is easy as long as nothing serious happens. But when children are born or one of the spouses has a serious illness or another family-member is dying, that is the test. It's not enough "just" to love the other person: you have to be compatible. That is why it's so important that before tying the knot, you have discussed and agreed upon important issues such as work, children, financials and other long-term goals. It sounds a bit "cold", but it's better to know that you're on the same page than assume that you do.
Tabitha 2 years ago (edited)
People tend to forget that “worse”, “poorer”, and “in sickness” are part of the promise you make to each other when you get married. If you’re just going to be a “fair weather spouse”, and walk away when things aren’t perfect because you “can’t handle it”—-why tf would you think the person who is terminally I’ll, that you’re abandoning and basically forcing to “handle it” all alone is more able to do it than you are?—-then at least be up front with your SO before getting to the point of marriage, so they can go find someone else who will actually stick to their vows.
Load More Replies... Jac Sp 2 years ago
Oh wow. I have a friend who is going through similar right now. She isn't terminal, (thank goodness) but is having regular chemo yet she still has to do everything around the house. He complains constantly and doesn't giver her any support.
Maartje 2 years ago
Would you consider talking to him about his behavior? Not saying you have to nor will I judge if you can't , but maybe it would help :)
Load More Replies...
Mrs. EW 2 years ago
I didn’t have to deal with anything that bad. That said, as I was still recovering from surgery and the cancer declared gone, my husband planned a cancer free party for me. Except I had to cook for it. Then when it was time to clean he went downstairs with his bestie to talk about how hard my cancer was on him. The rest of company and kids went out to Pokémon hunt and I was left to clean by myself. Best cancer free party ever, smh. Oh, I did get some flowers though. *Such a nice gesture.*
Sue User 2 years ago
Your husband: But *I* threw you a party. Why are you not grateful ?
Load More Replies...
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and ultimately died after it metastasized into angiosarcoma. After her mastectomy, we were allowed to come into the recovery area for a few minutes at a time, one visitor at a time. My father came out, and seemed surprised that my mother wanted to see me. I went in, spent some time with her, left after the appointed time was up, my father went back in to see her--and maybe five minutes later he came out, looking bewildered, and told me she wanted to see me again. When I'd been in there, I was at least willing to either be quiet if she didn't want to talk, or to do/say things to keep her comfortable. Apparently when my father went in, it was all about how terrible *he* felt, how inconvenient it would be for *him* while she was recovering in the hospital, etc--not once did he ask her how *she* was feeling, or if there was anything he could do for *her.*
Tabitha 2 years ago
I hope you told your father about that. Sometimes people are concentrating so hard on themselves they forget they’re not always the main character in a situation.
Load More Replies... 
Catlady6000 2 years ago
This is why I have mixed feelings about a spouse leaving at a time like this. She honestly may have been better off if he had just left. In exchange for transportation, she's having to deal with his issues at a time she needs to be focusing on her's
#8
I had a friend who divorced her husband because he changed his mind about kids. Neither of them wanted kids, but one day he decided he did. She told me “he changed his mind, and that’s okay.” It was unfortunate but she was not bitter about it. She knew that sometimes people just change and that’s no one’s fault. Impressed me a lot. I should find out who her therapist is lol
Kathleen McGann 2 years ago
Good that he didn't try to talk her into it. He respected her choice.
Parmeisan 2 years ago
And she didn't try to talk him out of it either! :) Although to be fair, they probably did (or should have if they didn't) have a long respectful conversation about it that might have changed one or the other's mind. There's a subtle difference between making threats vs having & enforcing your needs & boundaries.
Load More Replies...
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/hey you) 2 years ago
That was the nail in my first marriage’s coffin. I was crystal clear from the beginning that I didn’t want children ever. Several years in she revealed that she wanted them “more than anything in the world,” but had secretly hoped I’d change my mind. Do. Not. Ever. Think. That. She is a wonderful person and we split amicably, but that but is a zero sum game, and someone is going to come out the loser.
Parmeisan 2 years ago
It seems that the vast majority of adults are bitter about lengthy relationships ending badly. :(
Load More Replies... 
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago (edited)
I was with my ex, now one of my closest & oldest friends, for 12 years. As a gay couple who couldn’t legally marry at the time, we independently assumed we would never have kids. When it become more of a possibility we discussed neither having the desire to be parents. We enjoyed our freedom & disposable incomes. Year 11 we were presented with the opportunity to each donate to a lesbian couple & co-parent with them. We were asked to think about it & I blew it off. Gradually he opened up to the idea then eventually it became a desire of his. Thinking I had thought it through, we moved ahead with the plan & prepared to settle down, becoming more stationary. I developed panic attacks & nightmares. Within a few months, therapy helped me realize it wasn’t what I wanted. At all. I was just settling & compromising. Flying home from 2 months of traveling I told him this is what I wanted. Not to be a dad. We spent 6 months unraveling from each other. We’re now good friends. I’m a dad! He isn’t
Jessica N 2 years ago
People change, even core values sometimes, when aging and adding new information. At 20 i was liberal about everything except abortion. (I gave a child up for adoption so figured everyone could). At 35? Almost conservative except now im pro-choice and believing in being who you are inside and not necessarily how body was born. Moving on instead of clinging or pretending to change yourself is the much healthier option. Also don't necessarily need therapy to bounce with the changes but they do teach you the tools if that isn't part of your personality.
#9
Keep in mind you’re also choosing the father of your children. They can’t help what they’re born into, you can.
TotallyNOTAFox 2 years ago
That's why I decide to stay childless - I'd be a pretty s**t father
Load More Replies...
Saphyre Fyre 2 years ago (edited)
Uh, no. Just no. Not everyone plans to have any children. Perhaps start this one with "for those who want children in the future..."
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Sometimes, men and women present themselves differently than who they turn out to be. Everyone's making a blind choice. I know my now ex claimed he was such a family guy, loved kids, especially babies, very hard worker and always complained about his exes not being stable enough to raise their kids (not his kids, but ones they had before he came along). The latter, I guess, should have been a red flag, but what did I know about his exes. He was certainly a hard worker, a martyring hard worker who always shoved it in my face how much he worked compared to me. He was a good, attentive dad, when I was around because he could be the "fun dad" while I did most of the tending because he didn't feel comfortable changing a girl's diaper. Then as she got older he lost more interest in spending time with her. Then he developed an addiction to drugs and started drinking more to the point he became very unstable and downright reckless. Kid is now an adult and hasn't spoken to her dad in 6 years.
Duuuuuuude 2 years ago
Keep in mind you're also choosing the mother of your children. They can't help what they're born into, but you can.
aubergine10003 2 years ago
just here to say you aren't necessarily choosing the father of your children, sigh. women need to stop thinking like this.
#10
More commitment will not make your partner change for the better. Don't marry for potential.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
This gives me a whole new perspective. Your partner shouldn't have to change or try harder, and neither should you, just because they're displeased with something you want to do for yourself, or see no issue with. Like, when your partner is dealing with something in their own personal life, so they're more distant than usual. But you take it personally and think they're pulling away from you, or being flaky and then you give them a long lecture about what you need them to do more for you to feel more secure in the relationship. This is a common issue in the early stages and especially before marriage. Work on bettering yourself before you commit. Don't lean on your partner for security as if it's their job to make you happy.
My O My 2 years ago
But also speak up when you notice changes in your partner. Maybe they can't adress it themselves or don't even notice. Also, be honest to your partner. Tell them what you need to feel good and be precise ("I need a bit of time for me" or maybe "I see you're struggling right now, I'd wish you could show me now and then you still love me for it feels like I don't exist anymore. A short pat on the back every couple of days is enough to let me know")
Load More Replies...
Jane Hower 2 years ago
So many marriages start with him believing she'll never change (he loves what he's got), BUT SHE DOES!!!! She believes she can change him for the better - SHE CAN"T!!! That's it in a nutshell.
#11
When I was married I had to have my gallbladder removed. My ex came up with every excuse under the sun not to see me in hospital, they ranged from “hospitals make me feel uncomfortable to I will be all dirty after work” (umm go home and shower, then come visit me maybe)
Had my surgery on a Friday and was discharged on Saturday, he refused to come and pick me up, sent my elderly neighbour to do it, when I arrived he told me that he hadn’t eaten since Friday and that the animals hadn’t been fed either, so I had to take care of those things, and he’s still unaware of why I left him
Xenon 2 years ago
When I was in the hospital, I had to talk my husband into going home instead of sleeping in the chair in my room. Yes, I picked a winner, I'm very lucky. 32 years and he's still my best friend.
Black Cat 2 years ago
It seems as though men like your husband are one in a million.
Load More Replies... Nightshade1972 2 years ago
There was one I read about where a woman was supposed to go into the hospital for a couple of weeks, to have/recover from surgery. She knew what date she'd be going in the hospital, so she put together two weeks worth of dinners for her husband to heat up when he got home from work. As the two weeks were coming to a close, they wanted to keep her in the hospital for another week, since they weren't happy with her recovery. Hubby tried to insist she be released on the original date anyway, not because he'd missed her company, but "because I'm going to run out of dinners, how will I eat if she's not home to cook for me?!"
Jaq Jack 2 years ago
I remember coming home from the hospital to my ex husband after having my firstborn. He was being really touchy and grumpy to me and broke down in a fit a said " I just want you to make me a GD quesadilla!" That's when I found out he was jealous of his own newborn baby. It went from this to full blown stalking me out of paranoia and jealousy and accusations of cheating in Just a few years.
Tabitha 2 years ago (edited)
I’ve had surgery twice, a hysterectomy and surgery on a torn tendon. Both had me pretty much immobile for weeks, and unable to do much once I could move around. My husband was with me in the hospital, basically carried me to the car to go home and to follow-up appointments, took as much time off work as he could to stay with me when I got home from the hospital, brought me food, set up a TV tray in the bedroom to eat meals with me, helped me to the toilet, to clean up, and even stood in the shower with me to prop me up so I could stand under the water while he helped me bathe myself by washing my back, or put a shower stool in the shower stall so I could sit and bathe, while he covered my cast with a towel and held my leg out of the water. I didn’t ask him to do any of those things. All I had to do was say I had no idea how I was going to manage bathing, and he figured it all out himself. He was there for me. I have been there for him when he was really sick and in pain from kidney stones, and all the times his back pain was acting up. We do that because it’s what people who care about each other DO, and keep doing during their whole relationship. Now that we’re both in our sixties, it’s going to happen more often, but we also know we’ll both step up and take care of each other the best we can.
Phred 2 years ago
Clearly it's all your fault. You should have shown him the magic box in the kitchen where you can open the door and take out some food. Maybe you should have shown him how to open a container, too. And you probably hid the forks and spoons in a drawer or somewhere obscure like that. He probably starved to death after you left him. Poor thing. (NOTE: I hate to explain jokes, but not everyone here is fluent in American sarcasm. I didn't mean a word of that. And I hope you took the animals with you.)
Richard Graham 2 years ago (edited)
My wife is afraid of hospitals, yet she went with me every time I had to go to a hospital. She stuck with every second I was in the hospital, even once spending the night on an uncomfortable chair. ...and she is afraid of hospitals. This is a shout-out to a fabulous person that I love more and more. Twenty-three years of marriage. Let's hear it for Beth Ann.
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
Every man should be forced to spend at least three years taking care of himself before being allowed to have a romantic relationship
Dr Robert Neville 2 years ago
My wife had hers removed but they buggered her liver while they were at it so had to have a second shot.
#12
Love is absolutely conditional
3Hs 2 years ago
Love SHOULD come with conditions! 1- no abuse, 2- no cheating, 3- we take joint responsibility for children
Minnie Not Mouse 2 years ago
Sad but true. Unconditional love does'nt even exist with a lot of parents.
Anthony Nizza 2 years ago
There was no unconditional anything with my mom.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 2 years ago
As it should be. Some people may not show it right away, but some are capable of doing some very s****y things and you're not going to want to follow their path and get stuck with being an accomplice to their actions.
RaroaRaroa 2 years ago
In marriage yes, but not in relation to say, your children. That can be unconditional.
Morgen Stern 2 years ago
As I get older, I've come to realise that love, like many other things, is a choice. It s not a simple choice like "love or leave", but it is a choice nevertheless. And that choice is what is conditional, as every choice is, by default.
Bear Hall 2 years ago
Love takes lots of of work that's the only condition: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." All this doesn't come easy. It takes dedication, time, energy and conscious decisions every day from both parties.
Kathleen Ryan 2 years ago
And should be. Both parties need to put in the care and consideration
Max Fox 2 years ago
Parent-child love is unconditional. Siblings love is unconditional. These are relationships into which you are born, and that affects how you feel about them. Love between a couple are conditional. They chose to be together, and they chose to love one another. They can choose not to do so.
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
Conditions are part of being a person. It’s logistically hard to marry, much less romantically love, a robot. (Ask Brother Day, from Foundation Season 2.)
#13
Marrying a woman who already had 3 kids from her previous ex husband all under 8 years old and you don't want those kids just the mum. We know you both didn't want us. And kicking each kid out at 17 because you don't want them around has a profound impact on kids. I am that kid. Now you're both 70 and sat wondering why 3 kids and their family's want nothing to do with you. Go figure!
Outgraygeous 2 years ago
Big hug! So sorry your mom and her husband made you all feel this way. (Unfortunately, too many of us can relate.)
Mabelbabel 2 years ago
My husband was a single parent of 3 when we got together. Bio-mom isn't around and hasn't been since they were toddlers, so I'm the only mother they've really known. I love them to bits, but it is a huge undertaking. It's exhausting, never-ending hard work. It really is make-or-break for a relationship. You cannot enter into a relationship with someone thinking "well, the kids aren't mine so I'll have nothing to do with them." You can't live in the same house and treat them as temporary guests, or live in the same house and expect their bio-parent to do everything just because you're not related. When you take on a partner, you take on their children too, and if you can't do that, then walk away. It's unfair on them to make them live in a household where they're not wanted. A biological parent who puts up with their new partner treating the children as though they are an annoying nuisance is just as bad-to allow your children to be treated badly means you've failed as a parent.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Yep happened to me with my dad. I stopped speaking to "her" after he died. F**k her.
Emma S 2 years ago
I will never understand people that get into a relationship with someone who has children when they aren't prepared to have the children in their life. If you don't want to play the role of step parent then stay away from single mothers/fathers. Also if you're a single parent and you allow your partner to treat your children poorly then you're a terrible person.
Blondie23 2 years ago
This makes me said. When I got divorced my daughter was 8 years old. I had decided to stay single for her sake... then along came this man that I ended up marrying. He has two daughters. So together we have three kids that live with us. He embraced my kid as his own and to this day says she is his daughter. I have done the same with his kids. They are my daughters too. You have to accept a person as they are with all their stuff. It's a full package. How dare someone reject someone's kids but love them... that's really wrong!
Mario Strada 2 years ago
"Parents" like that disgust me. Kicking kids out at 17 is diabolical, whether they are yours or acquired. When you marry the mom, you are marrying the kids as well. If you see them as intruders, maybe you should rethink your strategy.
Janet Sparrow 2 years ago
I'm so sorry you went through this! I am a retired family law attorney and I've seen so much like this. Again I'm sorry and I hope you have the good life you deserve.
#14
You will not like your spouse every single day. There may be days where you actively dislike your spouse. And that’s normal.
Note: I’m not talking about abusive situations, more adding some reality to typical marriages.
D20 Games 2 years ago
Agreed. After many years together, you can love your SO to the moon and back one day. The next day, you may want to hit them with a frying pan.
Babs Ishkabibble 2 years ago
And that's why the spouse is always the primary suspect. lol
Load More Replies...
Vinny DaPooh 2 years ago
Very true. I always love my wife though there are days I definitely do NOT like her at all. Of course there are days she doesn't like me either. Don't get me wrong, the overwhelming majority of days we get along great. When we realized we wont always see eye to eye and don't have to like each other every single day, it took a lot.of.pressure off realizing it's ok to not like your spouse that day.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Yup some days my husband does something small but it annoys me so bad on that day that i take myself and my dog out walking and come home not wanting to batter him with a tin of beans.. pick your battles
Tamra 2 years ago
One thing I try to do is take a one week trip by myself each year. I go visit my cousin, who I grew up with. It's a week where I don't fill the role of wife and mother, and just get to be a woman, looking after only myself, not worrying about meal planning, laundry, schedule organization, paying bills, caring for pets, etc. I come back home recharged.
MonsterMum 2 years ago
I don't think I ever dislike my spouse, sometimes they may annoy me or we might disagree about something but that is not the same.
Roester 2 years ago
I agree, I have never had a day, let alone a minute that I did not like my wife.
Load More Replies... Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago
My BF told me one day (in a moment of levity, when I was experiencing how sorry I am that he had to work so hard because I can't work and that I see his hard work and appreciate it and love him so much... Yes, I was very drunk, but it's all true) "Honestly, baby, I absolutely love and adore you... About 7/8ths of the time, but that last 1/8, I'm like 'She must be DESTROYED'!" I have never laughed harder, because he's right, I recognize that there are times when I'm unbearable, just like there are times when I actively refrain from smothering him in his sleep (because he snores like he's auditioning for the voice acting role of construction equipment!). We love each other deeply, but sometimes we don't LIKE each other, and that's ok, we eventually get over the little annoyances and remember why we are together
Ken Schroeder 2 years ago
Married 41 years and I absolutely love my wife; but there are still times when I stay away from her for a couple hours because one of us is totally wrong on something. We pretty much always solve the issue in an hour or so, 'cause it's a waste of energy to keep the kind of negativity in the house.
#15
I'm 48 and I've been married 2x. I divorced them both for being c****y, creating more work for me and dragging me down to their sub-par levels. Should I have "picked better"? What am I, a pre-cog? What I've learned is men get married to sink into their depths of slovenliness and have a woman clean up after them, pay half of the bills, give them children for them to ignore, make a nice house for their egos and provide regular sex. So - it's pretty hard to understand all of that up front since they are pretty good at hiding their true intentions and tbh, I don't think most of them do it maliciously. I think that's what they think the price of a pretty ring earns them :). A couple of things they don't mention about marriage: - Men do not think anything domestic is their job. Cleaning, dishes, kids, etc. Not. Their. Job. So - if they do ONE thing domestically related, they think they do EVERYTHING. They also strongly think that mowing the lawn once a week is the exact same as doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, etc etc. Every single newlywed couple needs to get a housekeeper if you even hope to remain in love with your husband. I don't care what it costs. Don't go out to eat - get a housekeeper. Hell, have only one car lol. Otherwise don't get married. You will hate your life and hate him - because you will be doing everything and he will be playing COD. - Men CAN "see the mess". If he were a king, he would for sure instruct a servant to clean. But, he claims not to see it. He claims that your standards are "too high". He will "do it later". He wants you to "give him a list". BS. He is LAZY and he thinks housework is woman's work. And when he got a wife it's because he was tired of cleaning his own place while you were dating. - Celebrate Christmas? Expect to do it all (as a mom/wife). Don't expect your stocking to be full. SNL even made a skit about it. - If you go on a girls trip, you will come home to a trashed house. - "JUST COMMUNICATE" is total, utter bs. You cannot communicate with someone who isn't listening/understanding. You can talk till you are blue in the face. Many men don't even see women as EQUAL RATIONAL HUMAN BEINGS. Let that sink in. Why would they listen to you? - Always have separate money. NEVER give over your paycheck. You can co-mingle for the joint bills but keep some for yourself and kids. - Men get married when they figure it's time. Sure they love you but it's not at all the same as how you feel about it. Am I bitter? Nah. Disappointed? Kinda. Salty? YES. AMA.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
Every woman contemplating marriage should read this and it's very well written. 100% true. Women think of romance and dream of "being taken care of." Men want mommies with benefits.
Vervelende Panda 2 years ago
That is absolutely not my observation nor experience. And I find it very sexist - to both men and women.
Load More Replies...
Roland Gosselin 2 years ago
Yeah. Using her own bad partner choices to generalize? Yuck.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This is not true for me, I do about 80% of the housework especially cleaning. The only thing she does around the house is cook. I also fix the cars, do the garden, etc. I also do not care much for sex so I don't expect it either. I see the mess, SHE doesn't. So don't stereotype. I realise the above is 99.9% true so look out for that 0.01% of men that will bother.
Linden 2 years ago
It's not true for me with my husband either. We work in partnership. I don't cross my own boundaries to do more than I'm willing to and neither does he.
Load More Replies...
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
That's freaking sad. Find a guy that's a neat freak. I've been married 30 years, at times it was a running battle. But you slowly figure it out. Those kids don't stay kids for long. They will be 30 before you know it. You and your spouse have to have simular interests. Every person has strengths and weaknesses. People need to remember. Your partner is your partner in the struggle for survival. A spouse isn't just a sex partner, they should be your best friend as well. I see couples that aren't even friends and their marriage is guaranteed to crash and burn.
Lyoness 2 years ago
Disagree. It may be 100% accurate for OP and for you but you can't know or speak for anyone else, any more than the person who wrote the post can.
Load More Replies...
Chiara Esposito 1 year ago
I mean, I dare you to be okay after this experience! You’re asking too late, unfortunately.
Load More Replies... #16
Having children usually doesn’t make your marriage better
Vinny DaPooh 2 years ago
If your marriage is falling apart now, getting much less sleep and having a really loud and demanding roommate move in isn't going to fix it. Having to listen to Baby Shark 83 times in a row will put the happiest of marriages to the test never mind one that's on the rocks
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
Think of it as a test whose score has to go on and live its own life for decades after you put your #2 pencil down
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 2 years ago
You know, with baby #1, having a baby did make our marriage stronger. I saw a completely new side to my husband, seeing him care for our little girl softened both of our rough edges resulting from our own damaged upbringings, our sense of being on the same team (fighting for survival!) was really cemented, and it made us better at arguing - in the sense of more efficient, fewer grudges, getting to the point - because no one has the time to faff around and expend additional energies on such things when you have a little baby to care for! He took the year's parental leave while I worked (from home) so I could breastfeed, which I did for 18 months. That was truly the happiest I have ever been.
Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago
Having children ALWAYS makes a marriage harder. Not necessarily bad, but harder, because the marriage is no longer the primary focus of the family. You have to make a serious effort to prioritize your marriage when you have kids, and a lot of couples don't. The kids become the only focus and years down the road when they go off as adults, the parents find that they don't know who they are anymore without the kids there, and don't know the person they are married to. Also, if your marriage is volatile or on the rocks before kids, don't have them, because the possibility of having one with special needs always exists, and that is a struggle all it's own.
DrKimball 2 years ago
Adding children to marriage: take everything on your plate, take everything that has ever even slightly bothered you about your spouse, take every moment you have ever felt uncertain about any part of your life and times that by 1000000 and that's what your marriage will go through for the rest of your time on this planet. Some marriages make it through; more than some don't. Hard. Stop.
#17
Ending a marriage in divorce does not mean the marriage is a failure.
I see too many people believing the length of a marriage is equal to its success. But in my opinion, the success is based on the love between the two people.
My husband is my best friend. I intend to be with him for the rest of my life but I would rather leave him and still love him, than stay married while hating him.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
There's always going to be bumps in the road. A success marriage in my mind is when 2 people love each other years down the line as much, or even more than, as they did when they got married. So many couples stayed in terrible marriages for fear of being shamed by their families and friends.
Meghan Wood 2 years ago
I felt for a long time like I could’ve done more- but now I see that I didn’t know him at all, and that it wasn’t my fault: he projected an image of who he thought I wanted, and then when he was done with me, I got to know the real guy. I felt like a failure, I didn’t want my kids growing up with divorced parents. But it was worse having them see us fighting all the time.
Blondie23 2 years ago
I get the intent of this but trust me.... there are a lot of marriages that are failures. My ex-husband and I should never have been married. When I look back at the 14 years we were together there wasn't much about it that was good. It was a complete failure and it did damage. I am okay with admitting that because what I have done is, I have taken the lessons I learned from that and am trying to do better with the husband I have now!
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
Not everyone can be the same person throughout decades of their life. And many things are beyond any one person’s control.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
My former in-laws. I once asked my MIL how long she & FIL had been married (they had separate bedrooms after my husband was born - so, 35+ years). MIL sighs and says, "42 years. 42 LOOOOONG years". No ex, we are NOT staying together for the sake of the children. Children of happy divorced parents grow up to be much more well adjusted than children of bitter/angry married parents.
Shortstuff 2 years ago
An acquaintance took her husband to hospital for surgery on their 50th wedding anniversary. Then she left him. Turned out he had been beating her the whole marriage and it was the only time she could escape. Really sad. He then had to cope on his own after heart surgery. Karma.
TotallyNOTAFox 2 years ago
Ending a relationship before it gets ugly is usually the best choice, at least it was for me and my ex-GF and me are still best friends after years
Vinny DaPooh 2 years ago
Sometimes people grow apart. The important part of the commitment is making sure both of you did everything you possibly could to save the marriage before throwing in the towel and giving up. If you truly do love each other it is better to part as friends if the differences are irreconcilable and there is no path forward for both to be truly happy.
#18
That all the little red flags and small mistakes over the years really do add up and make a diffrence in the long term.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
It's not "keeping score." It's the repeatedly disappointing or thoughtless behavior that causes our expectations to become lower and erodes the relationship like a grindstone.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Don't keep count of those. It creates resentment. Learn to understand what the real danger signs are from the mere, harmless mistakes. Look for patterns, insincere apologies, lack of emotional control and unhealthy addictions. Learn his signs of dishonesty.
Rose the Cook 2 years ago
Hence the number of older people getting divorced after many years of marriage.
Sunshine Lady 2 years ago
Learn to communicate and forgive. Erase small mistakes, nobody's perfect, so they don't add up and make a huge disaster in your life. Not only in your marriage, I think this can be applied to any relationship.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Friends of ours would fight about things that happened 10 years ago in there marriage, i just dont see the point, the past is the past
François Bouzigues 2 years ago
Nobody is born with it. Nobody has an easier time forgiving something that really hurt. Some people try and actually forgive in an active process. Not mentionning it. Not indulging in over thinking it. Drawing a line stating this is past and i commit to forgive it.
Load More Replies...
Midoribird Aoi 2 years ago
Don't let it add up, so much as understanding if they learn from mistakes or not.
#19
Waiting for marriage to have sex *is* a valid choice. And there are (or can be) good reasons to wait. But what's often promised is a happy and lasting marriage, and/or an *amazing* sex life if you wait (and misery and divorce if you don't). Neither marriage nor human sexuality work that way. A happy marriage and a great sex life take *work* from both parties involved to cultivate, and they're not some divine or karmic reward for playing by the rules.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Would you buy a car without test diving it? Waiting is just a relic to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the days before birth control. Attitudes about sex being naughty or bad is what leads to sexual repression and that certainly will ruin your sex life.
Rain Anderson 2 years ago
Humans shouldn't be compared with objects. It's not about having sex before marriage being 'bad' . Some people chooses that way.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 2 years ago
This is super personal. Some people have goals. For some it's a spiritual choice. Some people just don't care. Others don't feel comfortable having sex unless they're secure about the relationship. Some people are afraid about STDs and unplanned pregnancies. In this day and age I don't think there even needs to be a study or anyone telling anyone to "let loose" before marriage if that's not what they're comfortable with.
Brainmas 2 years ago
If you want to wait, that's great, but don't rush into marraige just for the sex! It's like the super religious kids that get married right out of high school, then either get stuck in a miserable relationship with a bunch of kids because they don't believe in divorce, or split up realy early. Commitment and love matters, not a legal document.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago (edited)
I was told in school that getting married before having sex is what we should do and holy fu(k im glad i didnt wait for marriage because i would be with a di(k that didnt work and the same di(k didnt want to go to work and was lazy after we got engaged
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep. I didn't wait because otherwise the trauma of the divorce would have been worse because they'd have had an extra special meaning to me.
Ken Schroeder 2 years ago
Being sexually incompatible is a horrible thing to find out after the ink is dry. No offense to the overly-religious, but with all the evils in the world I'm more than certain God is not as concerned with pre-marital nookie as the Bible-thumpers think.
Jeannie 2 years ago
Religion is stupid. Not having sex before marriage is not smart. You have to marry someone who is the same freaky as you. If I want to have sex in my parents bathroom during a Christmas dinner and you only want to have sex missionary with the lights off someone will not be happy. Find your freaky equal.
WalterWhiteSavannah 2 years ago (edited)
Hahaha gee i wonder if focus on the family might just be a tad biased as a source. Like cmon man, really? Edit-when I worked in radio wed play fotf Sunday evenings (cause they paid a boatload for us to do it) and using them as a source for this is just absurd. They're Christian fundamentalists. No s**t they're gonna make this claim and find their own stats to support it now matter how much they have to cherry pick to make it happen.
Load More Replies... #20
Being a stay at home partner is really risky and can easily lead to you being abused in some way. You don’t have any income and completely depend on the other partner.
Deb Dedon 2 years ago
AAaaand...should your personal financial situation improve (inheritance for example), you may find yourself under immense pressure to fork it over on pain of...infidelity...ostracism...the silent treatment...or emotional abuse. Never leave the key to your own happiness in someone else's pocket.
Janet Sparrow 2 years ago
This is so sad that it's true. Toxic patriarchy. I'm 74 and my mom and dad owned a business. She says to me "a girl should always have a job she can fall back on". Her feminism but it's true. Have your own money (mom did) and stay independent financially.
Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
Yes, and in the event of a divorce, guess who comes out financially devastated.
Anouk T 2 years ago
This is when you live with psychopath, narcissist or abuser. Any other normal partner will make it work with you
bElLa sTairZz 2 years ago
abusers done exactly wear a sign saying it, and the other two are just mental stuff?
Load More Replies... Meghan Wood 2 years ago
Not just abused, but what if your partner becomes ill? You can’t support your whole family from home. I have a friend in a very loving, supportive marriage. She stayed at home and raised 4 kids, luckily she also had a college degree. Her husband became ill and could no longer work, now she is the breadwinner. It’s not always the cheating, abusive and can’t leave, sometimes you have to lift your partner up and you need a foothold to do it. Ladies- whatever your view is on life and your future- GET EDUCATED! It’s so much easier before you have a family.
#21
Marriage is as much a business relationship as it is a romantic one. If you wouldn't start a business with someone, you may want to think twice about marrying them. And if you do get married, please stay financially separated and independent.
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
It's okay to set up a hidden savings account. I recommend it. Don't tell your partner. It should be an emergency get-away account that you only access when you're through with the marriage and need to separate. Not a get-out-debt fund while you're with your spouse. Nah, you hold on to those funds. If your marriage ends up lasting until you die you can use those funds as inheritance for the next family member who could use an emergency get-away fund with the same instructions and allow them to invest in it, as well, and encourage them to hand it down the same if they don't need it.
I'M A SHOUTY MAN (they/she/he) 2 years ago
I honestly love that idea. As much as I hate that there's a need for it, a generational emergency account(s) to be handed down is such a good idea, and quite sweet to be honest - like a guardian angel thing.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep. My last partner was controlling and wanted to micromanage my finances. My current one is the opposite. Keep your finances separate. Only thing you need to do is make sure you each agree as to what you are paying every month (ie the bills), and who pays them.
Tiago Cortinhal 2 years ago
You have a very utilitarian vision about marriage. Not everyone needs to follow your set of moral values.
Suck it Trebek 2 years ago
I have an "escape plan" savings account. I also have all my bank accounts under my name only and my access only.
3Hs 2 years ago
Keep your accounts separate. Creste a third account for house expenses that you both make deposits to. You will not fight about money or what the other person does with the rest of their money. It's easier to leave if you must, PLUS joint accounts are often frozen if a spouse dies. My dad was up a creek when mom died. His salary was direct-deposited into their joint account before his boss could stop it when mom died. He had to borrow money from us until probate released his funds!
Max Fox 2 years ago
The reason that Jewish wedding have both aKtuba (which is actually a pre-nup), and the ring is that it is considered a business transaction. Jewish laws include financial laws, and one of them is that a contract is activated when something of worth passes between the partners. It doesn't have to be a ring. In can be cash too,
Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
Once married though, one takes financial responsibility for the spouse.
#22
No matter how evolved your man is, it's rarely ever going to be a 50/50 split of effort in the marriage. More often than not, the woman puts in more work
StrangeOne 2 years ago
That's hard to say without putting yourself in the other's shoes, and not looking into every marriage on the planet and throughout history. Also, I like how Alice Cooper sees a partnership. Not 50/50. A 100/100. That means everyone is putting in their own 100% effort. Doesn't always mean dividing up responsibilities. It means when there's something that needs to be done, do it and helping each other with the tasks that require teamwork.
Pamela24 2 years ago
There are definitely exceptions and good for them but with the data we have available we can easily say that way more often than not, in heterosexual marriages (especially with children) women do most of the daily work (cleaning, running the household, taking care of the children). Most heterosexual men's "100% effort" still somehow means the woman has to do the majority (hours-wise).
Load More Replies... 
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago (edited)
This was my first realisation as a kid, I realised it was pretty s****y too how they make jokes at social events about us being constant naggers and ‘typical’ women BS wedding / marriage jokes - 8 yr old me was like - but you proposed and asked her to marry you? And you suck and do nothing? Then 17 watching my high school bff get pregnant and do everything ‘motherly’ while he was still aloud to party and do drugs and play WOW etc but now my bff wasn’t aloud to game anymore cos she’s now a ‘mum and wife’- dumbest standards. I get told I have too high standards but j just don’t want a man child that lets me down, and I have a lot to offer back myself so I don’t wanna sell myself short and I live in a country where I have these rights.
Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
I'm a divorced senior and on a dating site, too many times I've been asked if I cook. My answer is "no, do you?"
UtanaYona 2 years ago
Not intending to offend anyone...An obvious solution is for the couple to switch places. The men should be the stay at home parent, and the woman should work. Of course, if the men are child rearing. The women will have to do the heavy manual labor and other jobs they would not normally choose but...you know...equality. (of course this only applies in a one income family.)
Dr Robert Neville 2 years ago
Apples and Oranges, I do the DIY stuff like laying a patio, she does the gardening, we share cooking, she does most of the cleaning (mainly because I'll be doing DIY while she does it).
#23
I haven't seen pets yet. If you and your partner do not agree on pets, you're going to have a bad time. I love a house hold of pets, husband does not. Fights have ensued.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 years ago
My boyfriend was not an animal person. I am. I had a cat and a German Shepherd when he met me. Now, 23 years later, we have two cats and two dogs together. XD
Satan Laughs 2 years ago
Ok, I’ll take it a step further and say that if your partner doesn’t like animals, run. Always a red flag to me.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
My ex used to get jealous of my dog (who at that point the dog had been with me for 5 years) reason they are an ex
Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago
I get playfully jealous of my dog for getting more enthusiastic cuddles and attention from my boyfriend, as she looks at me like "that's right, I'M the star! This is MY man!" even though I had her for 2 years when we got together!
Load More Replies...
arthbach 2 years ago
One way around this is for the pet-lover to volunteer at a local animal rescue centre.
PleasantCrocodile 2 years ago
I did this as a kid and totally got my cat fix!! Those animals need cuddles more than anyone. Win-win.
Load More Replies...
Valerie G. 2 years ago
Before we married I asked my fiance how many cats in the house were too many, he said ten. Ding Ding We have a winner.
Lil Miss Hobbit 2 years ago
A well behaved pet is almost never an issue. My mom was NOT a pet person, but my dad was. We got a standard poodle who was chill and sweet and obedient and Mom grew to love that dog. She was never super affectionate with it, but it was part of the family.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Totally. My husband & I do not agree on how pets should be raised. I am seriously OCD and pets on the furniture is a definite no. They will be crate trained and WILL NOT sleep in our bedroom (nevermind EVER being allowed on the bed). Since I'm the one not working, most of the care & upkeep would be up to me. I do not wake early. My husband INSISTS he would walk a dog before work, but he often has to leave before 5:00am. So, just NO. We agreed early in our relationship (16 years ago) that if we did not both agree on "important" subjects, the answer would be no.
#24
I have many friends who divorced because they weren't happy. Only to still be unhappy after the divorce. I want to tell people: work on yourself before placing blame on your spouse. Unfortunately many people have the mindset if they are unhappy it must be due to the person they are with.
Data1001 2 years ago
Or, hear me out... it can take a lot of time to recover after getting out of a bad situation. Yes, definitely work on yourself, but don't feel like everything is going to be sunshine and unicorns right away. Depending on how long you were unhappy in the relationship, and how deep that unhappiness was, it might take a few years for you to feel normal again.
Rain Anderson 2 years ago
That's a weird advice. The top reasons for divorce still is infidelity, abuse. How do you work on yourselves for ur partners stupidity?
Zobi123 2 years ago
That's not what the comment is about. It's specifically about cases where women left marriages because they were unhappy.
Load More Replies...
Leeta 2 years ago
This! 100%. Husband was dealing with PTSD started an affair and decided that everything would be better with his new 22 year old gf instead of his wife of 13 years. Sadly that wasn't the case and now a year later and without any of the help, comfort or stability and loving wife and extended family offered he's crashed hard. It absolutely kills me but I can't make him do anything.
Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago
This happened with my second husband. Got caught trying to be unfaithful (long story, but he didn't actually complete the act), and I still forgave him, tried to get him to go to counseling, he refused. 2 years later, he abandoned me for "the one that got away", a woman he'd been obsessed with since before we got together 8 years before, who he always thought was THE ONE. Moves in with her and things are great for about 6 months... And then he's unhappy again. He was used to ME who would love and support him through emotional ups and downs, but that was NOT her. After just over a year, she left HIM for someone else because she was tired of him being so miserable! He FINALLY got counseling after that and diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD from his childhood trauma.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago (edited)
I paid some serious money to a marriage counselor to explain to my husband that I was not responsible for his happiness. I had said, repeatedly over the course of 12 years, that I could affect/enhance/detract from his happiness, but that I was NOT responsible for it. AND - that it was a total f*cking cop out for him to think so. Oh, you're not happy? So, that's MY fault. Riiiiight. Yeah, eat s**t MF. Once she got down to the heart of the matter, which was his almost crippling insecurity issues, he refused to go to any more sessions. We lasted about 6 months after that.
Steve Hall 2 years ago (edited)
With almost any problem, people want to blame someone else and not themselves.
#25
According to a study, 25 months after a spouse's death 61% of men and 19% of women were either remarried or involved in a new romance. Women expressed more negative feelings about forming new romantic relationships.
I also read that by remarrying, men are more likely to basically repair the mental damage caused by their spouse’s death, but the same can not be said for women.
Caro Caro 2 years ago
I'm pretty sure my husband would have been devastated and would not remarry bc he always told me that he was too old to date and would be comparing other women with me. Aaaaw. BUT a year and a half after his death... nah, I will never remarry. Not bc of mushy reasons but bc I actually enjoy being alone and don't want any responsibility other than taking care of my cat.
Load More Replies...
Lem Johnson 2 years ago
Probably because, on the whole, marriage benefits men far more than it does women.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
25 months is a ridiculously small amount of time after a partner's death.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
If my wife died, 25 years would not be enough.
Load More Replies...
Annik Perrot 2 years ago (edited)
I've seen quite à few examples, in my family and around me, of men who lost their wife in their eighties and... just gave up, following her two years, two years and à half after. Women are more resilient and, like someone said, they know how to live alone.
Lilsomms 2 years ago
My father remarried after my mother passed and it was honestly what likely will keep him around much longer. Both of them are capable, independent individuals who had their own means. He simply needs a companion to share his life with and to frankly get him to take care of himself. Otherwise he'd slide back into bachelorhood and it wouldn't be pretty.
Jostanquecla 2 years ago
I've always told my husband that if I die I would want him to find someone new as fast as possible. If I'm dead I won't care. He's the one that will suffer, and if another person can make him feel better then that would be awesome!
Zobi123 2 years ago
Yeah, my dad married my mom 9 months after his first wife died. They have been married for 53 years now, so it worked out, but my mom is fully aware that my dad was just not used to being on his own. He went from his mom taking care of him (he is 93, so this was quite a while ago) to his first wife to his second wife. He wasn't a total slack domestically, thank goodness. Just didn't like being alone! And fell in love twice.
#26
If you’re not on the same page in terms of financial behaviors (not beliefs, behaviors) it will be extra hard if not impossible to achieve your goals
People change and there’s no way knowing in which direction
#27
Marriages have peaks and valleys. You'll go through phases where you can't stand each other.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
That is why couples must be friends first and lovers second. The passion will fade but if you have friendship, you can still work to get through things together.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Exactly. It's impossible to keep the intensity of a new relationship. Because that's chemical lust. It's Nature's way of ensuring the survival of the human race. Your spouse has to be your best friend. That chemical reaction will fade. Marriage is more than sex. It's a marathon that lasts a life time and your spouse has to be the person that will pick you up when you fall and help you towards the finish line. Don't marry a person that doesn't even notice that you have fallen.
Load More Replies... Tamra 2 years ago
Today we are celebrating 35 years of marriage. We absolutely have had ups and downs, financial hardships and solvency, illness and good health, and times of feeling very close and other times of pulling away. One constant for both of us: respect. No matter what happens in life, I respect him deeply. And one of the reasons I love him so much, is that I *like* him. He is, quite simply, the best person I've ever known - and I've been privileged to know really good people. If you can hang onto respect, and you actually like the person they are, you can get through nearly anything.
Lyoness 2 years ago
Great advice. IMHO a relationship is like a rose bush. Sometimes it thrives, other times it needs fertilising or even pruning. Point being that in a strong relationship, the rose bush has deep enough roots to survive almost anything, but if you really want it to thrive it needs nurturing.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Thank god after 3 pervious fiances ive met and married my best friend ❤️
#28
As much as you love your spouse you will seriously want to leave their a*s sometimes!!
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
If i feel like this i go stay in a friends house and find i miss him and am excited to get home to see him
#29
Love is a choice, not a feeling. Getting married means promising to make that choice for the rest of your life and too many people don’t realise that, instead giving up when they don’t feel the fire anymore.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
no it's not a choice (I dont' believe in being able to choose to love), but it is about work. You have to think about each day whether you want to keep the relationship and if the answer is 'yes'. then work on it.
Caro Caro 2 years ago
I get what they're saying tho. Just bc he didn't put his dirty socks in the hamper and farted before leaving the room... *sigh* , you can choose to make a big deal or choose revenge, like buttoning up all the little buttons of his shirts, picking up the dirty socks and putting them on his pillow and taking the beer out of the fridge :)
Load More Replies...
Data1001 2 years ago
I've seen others make this statement before, and it's absolute horse hockey. _Commitment_ is a choice, but we don't choose who we love, and it's not something we can just decide to turn on and off like a faucet. The person who first said this obviously was really wanting it to be true, but that's just ridiculous wishing. You may as well say "being poor is a choice" or "deciding whether or not you're allergic to something is a choice". The above statement also ridiculously contradicts itself: "love is a choice" & then later "giving up when they don't feel the fire anymore" -- so did they actually not feel the fire anymore, or did they choose not to feel the fire? "Yeah, hon — I'm going to go ahead and choose not to love you anymore and not be attracted to you any more. Sorry 'bout that!"
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
You can choose not to fall in love with somebody by avoiding them,but if you spend time with somebody you're going to develop feelings one way of the other. You can choose to care about somebody, to be kind to them, or even to be devoted to them but you can't simply choose to love somebody.
Load More Replies...
The Darkest Timeline 2 years ago
Love is a verb; it’s something we show through our actions. You can’t just tell people you love them, you have to give them your love.
HARRY KOPPERS 2 years ago
love is also an action. as is 'forgive' and 'apologize.' They can all be stand-alone acts, but they work much better together. Not doing something because I don't 'feel' like it right now is just selfish. When will you feel like doing it?
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Passion & lust fade fairly quickly. Base your relationship on your friendship and you'll do just fin.
Claudia Conway 2 years ago
I think definitely it can be true for some people, and not others. Some people want and need to feel love and passion for it to be 'real', other people can take a more pragmatic stance of 'I'll make the best of this through ups and downs', Neither is better nor worse.
#30
Thermostat wars are real
Blanket wars are real
Deciding where to eat wars are real
Backseat driving wars are real
Courtney Christelle 2 years ago
A friend of mine and her husband have separate blankets on their bed. They can still cuddle but don’t fight over blankets.
Pamela24 2 years ago
Yes, this is standard in many European countries. I recently went on a holiday where we were always given only one and I don't understand why someone would choose that. We were waking each other constantly.
Load More Replies...
Jumping Jellyfishes 2 years ago
Yes. these wars are real, but we also have a good laugh about them because we know they're extremely common between couples. If he steals the blanket, I'm absolutely going to put my icy-cold feet of death on his warm back >:) (I have my own electric blanket now)
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
1. We don't have thermostats here thank god. 2. Get two separate double blankets. Start with them overlapping but during the night as you roll, they can separate. 3. No, just make or get separate things, who cares? 4. Let your wife drive. Really. Women are statistically better drivers.
Shark Lady 2 years ago
With my last partner we had a double bed but a king size duvet and I had an extra blanket on top. He could sleep outside in the artic and not feel the cold. We were too poor to put the heating on for long so there were no arguments there, also to poor to eat out so we ate whatever I have cooked. We were on the same page for many things, just not fidelity.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Yes the blanket war is over in my house as ive gottin us two and we are so much happier and not waking up freezing at night, both of us used to hog the duvet 🥶
Bamamom2boys 2 years ago
We have separate blankets on the bed. I get too hot. He gets too cold. It works for us. But don't get me started about trying to decide where to go out to eat! LOL
Binky Melnik 2 years ago (edited)
The only one of these that seems valid to me is the ”backseat driving” one. The thermostat and blanket “wars” (“Wars”? Really? It’s a simple discussion) are easily solved: buy more blankets for whoever needs ‘em; the chilly one can put on sweaters, shawls, whatever). If people are actually fighting about these things, they’re being awfully childish. Just solve the damned thing. Backseat driving, though? Better to take two cars, as one person shouldn’t be forced to ride in terror.
Susan Reid Smith 2 years ago
I gave up driving very much around my husband. Micro-corrections from a passenger do not improve driving. Being a copilot and assistant on a road trip is a valuable skill.
#31
Marriage is not 50/50.
Sometimes it’s 30/70, 80/20, 1/99.
Ba-Na-Na 2 years ago
Yes, true. But depends on situations… sometimes it’s 50/50. Sometimes it’s 80/20 or 20/80 - sometimes is 60/40 or 40/60. The key is knowing when to lead and when to lean .
Nice Mom Jeans 2 years ago
Right! I wish I had a wife to help me the way I help my husband. :/
️️Upvote faery️ 1 year ago
If it's not 100/100, what's the point? If you only give 50% to your marriage/partnership, where are you putting the other 50%?
Heather Vandegrift 2 years ago
I feel it should, as often as possible, strive to be 100/100. Both parties should be giving 100% of their efforts to the relationship. It's not always possible, but that should be the goal. If one person is putting 100% of their effort into the relationship, and the other is only giving 25% , the one who is putting in all of their efforts is going to get resentful
Michael Largey 2 years ago
The best strategy is to try to make the marriage 100/100. Yeah, you can't achieve that, but it's the trying that will keep you together.
Averysleepypanda 2 years ago
No one can give 100 all the time, and that's okay. It's just important to communicate that to your partner and your partner to be willing to pick up the "slack" when you're unable to give more at that time
Load More Replies... Tamra 2 years ago
This one is really important to remember. Individually, we all have peaks and valleys, times of strength and weakness, periods of poor health and good. The art of a good marriage is to be able to give a bit extra when your partner needs it, and be able to receive help when you need it.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
50/50 here and we sit down at start of week and talk money shopping spending and he cooks i clean and both work and look after kids equal
arthbach 2 years ago
At one point I would have said we were 50/50. Then my husband became ill, and I needed to take on the vast majority of work. We'd have been 99/1. He simply couldn't do it. Over time, and he got better the balance shifted again. When I became ill, I'd go to work (4 hours), come home, fall asleep on the sofa, be woken up by my husband giving me dinner, and then I'd go to bed. When I got better, the balance changed again, and it keeps changing in response to what happening in our lives. Our goal is not to achieve 50/50, but to be there to love and support each other. When things are going well, it's very close to 50/50, when it's not going well, we lift each other's load to make life easier.
Load More Replies... #32
There are some things that make the two of you fundamentally incompatible, and these things likely cannot be compromised on. Love is not enough
#33
My biggest lesson has been that the same "fix it" mentality that helps me so well in the workplace where we identify a problem and brainstorm solutions fails horribly in a romantic relationship. First, I need to connect with my partner and we need to talk about what we appreciate about one another and get into this appreciative, tender space. THEN we can tackle whatever the problem is, collaboratively.
#34
You may HATE their family
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
After my MIL died, I felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She was an Evangelical Southern Baptist that dropped out of school in 9th grade and thought the Bible was the only book anyone would ever need.
Mrs. EW 2 years ago
I felt the same when my mil died. She was very controlling and would get a thrill from lying and attempting to foot me and my sil against each other. Her boys could do no wrong.
Load More Replies... Meghan Wood 2 years ago
Hated my MIL and the feeling was mutual. Now he lives with her and I have 3 dogs. Much much better
Tamra 2 years ago
Thank god my husband didn't judge me based on my family. Otherwise, I'd be single.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Yes my 1st fiance his mother was scary, 2nd his sis was a bit(h because we got engaged before her, 3rd his mother sis bro were all too involved in our relationship so mammy got her baby back after i moved out and i love my Husbands family we get on amazing so happy ending
Steve Hall 2 years ago
There is nothing wrong with that. I never spent time with my wife's family and a lot of times she didn't want to be around mine.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I found this to be true like ⅔ of the time. Person 1: I hated her mom. Person 2: I hated her siblings. Person 3: They seem ok to me.
#35
Marriage is most often an antiquated concept. It locks women into a systems that devalues their work, their worth and their autonomy. I had the notion that there was a higher purpose in a marriage, like a different level of commitment would expand my concept of love (even though I was previously pretty suspicious of marriage). It was not. It seemed like a inescapable burden.
Not crapping on those in happy marriages. It’s just the concept of the institution that I have problems with.
Sky Render 2 years ago
This is why gay marriage offends the conservatives, I suspect. There's no implied "ownership" going on there, just two people who love each other symbolically linking their lives together. Ironically that devotion to love seems to be what upsets them the most!
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
They can't imagine a marriage without a power imbalance. I suspect it's why idiots will ask a gay couple "which one of you is the wife/girl?", what they're really asking is which one is subservient to the other cuz they can't imagine equality.
Load More Replies... HellyHacka 2 years ago
Hear hear. It's a social norm and trend, driven by governments who are often tying church and state. I get the higher concept of committing to the person you love; just don't think you need to spend $50k and tie yourself legally to someone (and it's MUCH easier to get married than divorced!) to display that commitment. Marriage is antiquated and completely unnecessary.
Ruth Watry 2 years ago
I know a woman who spent 10 years living with a man - his house - she paid all of the utilities - he walked away with a house and 10 years of not paying utilities - she walked away with nothing. If they had been married, there would have been a 50/50 split of assets attained during the marriage
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
After 14 years I told him I thought we should get married - you need a tax write off & I need better health insurance. Not a thing changed except the bullsh*t I had to undergo to change my name on EVERYTHING.
#36
That the more intimately you know someone, the more likely they are to hurt your soul.
Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)
Guys, no need to downvote Stephanie Did It. It's an opinion ! Downvote a$$holes and spam.
Menace Dennis 2 years ago
bahahaha, then why do you people downvote every opinion that doesn't match yours ?
Load More Replies... 
Jayeff Vee 2 years ago
I don't think it's more likely. Just that if they hurt you, it hurts in your soul.
Steve Hall 2 years ago
I don't know about that, that cashier at walmart hurts my soul every time I go there and we don't even know each other.
Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
It's straightforward - most people put the best of themselves first, but the longer the relationship, the more stuff one will discover, and the wider the range of good to bad.
Black Cat 2 years ago
Yep and some people are out and out dishonest and what you see when you meet them is just an act. You don't discover the real person until you live with them because they can't keep the act up 24/7.
Load More Replies...
#37
marriage involves a LOT of forgiveness.
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
That wasn’t mentioned here; it’s a given. Accept it for what it is.
Load More Replies... anarkzie 2 years ago (edited)
On the fence with this one, most people that have stayed in some kind of abusive relationship have done so for this reason. If you find yourself feeling like you're having to forgive your partner a lot, take a step back and assess if it's working and if you need to get outside help, counselling etc.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Had argument with hubby and he said something that wasnt nice, hour later he said he was sorry and i told him i dont forgive him... we moved on and were happy and i bet he will remember not to say that in future
#38
If you haven't healed from your childhood trauma you will bring old unhealthy patterns, habits, behaviors, and cycles into your marriage. Marriage is a commitment to wake up everyday and try to make it work no matter how hard. If even one person stops trying, the Marriage will slowly deteriorate.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Thing is, childhood trauma may not ever be healed in a person's lifetime. Childhood really is a foundational base to one's entire existence.
#39
In many cases you're adopting an adult baby, and expected to roll your eyes good naturedly at his incompetence. His bad moods require your patience, your bad moods are hormonal or typical female hysteria.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep. Do not adopt adult babies. At the first date ask him if he can cook and clean ... and tell him you expect a 50/50 share on that.
I heart Boo-BI-es 2 years ago (edited)
I didn't go into my marriage thinking I adopted a man baby. For about the first year we were together things were great. He lived by himself when we met and kept up with the cleaning and was a pretty decent cook. With time his behaviors started to change, looking back it's almost like once he knew that 'he had me' (for a lack of a better term) he gradually put in less and less effort into our relationship as a whole. Sucks but hindsight is always 20/20 right?? 🤷♀️🤦♀️
Load More Replies...
Maureen Matthew 2 years ago
Applies also to men marrying women who expect to be taken care of with little input on their part.
PleasantCrocodile 2 years ago
Some of these posts scare me. Do NOT marry a man who is that helpless, please.
Black Cat 2 years ago
No, not all but a helluva lot are. Gender stereotypes screw women big time in marriage.
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 2 years ago
We often joke that my husband wooed me with the scent of laundry detergent! His room in university halls always had freshly washed laundry in and I loved it. He still does a lot of the washing in our house, and a lot of the childcare. He can't cook for s**t though, but that's OK!
Jeannie 2 years ago
Raise your sons better. JFC my sons are not helpless. They know there is not a woman ready to be me and wash their underwear. The babying ends when you leave home. I support my daughters-in-law first by raising my sons right and second by reminding my sons how fortunate they are.
HARRY KOPPERS 2 years ago
HIS? HIS?! Your bad behavior is excused as "hormonal?" Stay away from a person with this self-righteous and manipulative attitude.
#40
Think about the worst things that can befall a married couple/family: infidelity, death of a child, severe illness, disability, job loss, bankruptcy, etc. More than one of these will happen over the course of your marriage. Do you see your partner managing them, what about you?
Outgraygeous 2 years ago
I get what OP is saying here but, unfortunately, you can't predict anyone's response to tragedy, including your own.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
I think what OP is saying is to imagine your partner in these situations. Might turn out you can't see them handling that well based on your already lived experiences with them.
Load More Replies... Danish Susanne 2 years ago (edited)
I would not have expected my husband to manage well when I was hospitalized for 7 months, but to my surprise he did well even though he came to visit me every day (the doctors told me).
Brenda 2 years ago
Want to see how they manage stress? Watch them build furniture, untangle Christmas lights, how they deal when furniture is rearranged, the bank account accidentally becomes overdrawn/any financial emergency, car/appliances break down, etc. If they consistently get angry and don't respond well, think twice about how more serious issues would be handled.
#41
Married women get paid less.
Jake B 2 years ago
Your right. Women in general are paid less, married or not.
Load More Replies...
StrangeOne 2 years ago
The only way this can be properly measured is by researching multiple couples who work at the same company, in the same position with the same workload and level of the same work effort, with the same shift hours. Both of them working steady shifts and not taking any time off work.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
That's why prospective employers aren't allowed to ask about marital status (in the US anyway) and you aren't required to tell them.
TotallyNOTAFox 2 years ago (edited)
Only on the average, the metric uses the combined income of both men and women without considering work time and jobs - Women are more likely to work part time and in fields that have lower salaries than typical"men jobs". A cashier working at a supermarket earns less than a construction worker per hour for example. Can only speak for the EU here, but if there'd be two employees that are exactly the same in every work related regard except their gender they still would earn the same
Load More Replies...
Steph Werner 2 years ago
I can only speak for my own job. But as my husband's caregiver I get paid substantially less then I did as his girlfriend. Because I now don't get paid for things the government deems "wifely duties"
#42
I don't think there are any about marriage itself. People often discuss all the negatives and problems they see about marriage or experience in their own marriages, but those aren't actually "truths" about marriage as a whole. Each marriage is different. A "brutal truth" you see in your marriage or the marriages of others is all based on your personal perception and your personal experiences rather than "marriage" as a concept. Marriage is a legal agreement, so the only "brutal truths" are the ones legally built into marriage. If you choose a religious marriage, you may be opting into other "brutal truths" as part of that religious agreement. Other than that, you and your partner make your own truths in your own marriage - no matter how brutal you choose to make them.
Lila Allen 1 year ago
A lot of the time it isn't that one person was bad it's just that they aren't a match. You see this a lot in people that had a negative first marriage and then they divorce and each of them finds a partner and has a great marriage. Neither of them were the bad guy they just had incompatible ways of being.
#43
What truth would I like to pass on? That finances can become a real straining point in any marriage, regardless of income level. My marriage didn't last and the only thing I remember that we ever fought about was money. Be open about financial concerns and goals. TALK a lot about things, good and bad and make plans (*and be willing to compromise and revise those plans*) **together**. If I'm ever married again, that's what I will ask that we do as a couple.
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
We dont fight over money, you either got some money or you dont, a huge argument isnt gonna make a pile of money drop from the sky into your pocket so whats the point in fighting over it
Amy S 2 years ago
People who fight over money are fighting over how they spend money and how willing they are to make sacrifices to make money.
Load More Replies...
#44
Once you get married, people just want to know when you are gonna have kids. They will ask from the day you get married.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I think some people ask in a good-natured, joking way. I pale to see the humour. People should just mind their own business. They might as well ask when you're going to have sex.
Amy S 2 years ago
I was literally asked at my wedding 'when are you going to have kids'. When, not even if.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
If you answer "Why? You hungry?", they won't ask again.
Load More Replies... Kathleen McGann 2 years ago
And before you get married they want to know when you're getting married. Always the pressure.
Steve Hall 2 years ago
Don't do it, you might not be happy when you find that you can not think about anything without putting the kids first. It's not for everybody.
Sharon Ammons 2 years ago
And after you have the first kid, they immediately ask when you're having the next one.
Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
If the (supposedly) only purpose of marriage is to have kids, and not for interpersonal happiness, that’s not exactly a great motivator.
Ken Schroeder 2 years ago
I always told people we're too busy rehearsing, and we weren't going to do it until we got it perfect. Asking for pointers usually shut them right up. XD
#45
IMO marriage doesn't have many benefits to women. The men, sure. The women, not so much.
Black Cat 2 years ago
Marriage doesn't benefit women anymore as women are no longer financially dependant on men. Now that women can be financially independent they don't need men at all, except if they want to get pregnant, and then they only need him for a few minutes. Men are sexually dependent on women though and many also don't have basic life skills. Bottom line is in today's world men need women more than women need men. If you're a financially independent woman, marriage doesn't have much to recommend it. Bear in mind too that men tend not to be as emotionally supportive towards their wives as women are to their husbands so wives don't even have that.
Lyoness 2 years ago
No benefits? How about love? Comfort? Partnership? Support? Encouragememt? Lots of men offer all this and more. Why are so many of the comments on this list generalizing the behaviour of some men and claiming it's true of ALL men? It's just not accurate.
Load More Replies...
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Men say the same thing when they feel like nothing but a pay check with feet.
Rain Anderson 2 years ago
Better then feeling like a sex toy , free maid , babysitter, second mother. No offense.
Load More Replies...
Lila Allen 1 year ago
It does if it's a good marriage. Having someone who has your back, helps and supports you, and takes loads off you is so beneficial. Having someone who stands with you and works through all the challenges you face....priceless.
Menace Dennis 2 years ago
angry bitter women really believe this :D, no wonder you're crying about being single
#46
Married men are happier than single men.
There’s no difference in the happiness levels between married women and single women.
Katrina Nixon 2 years ago
Because married men tend to have a lot of things done for them by their partners and this leads to less stress which in turn, leads to happiness ! Married and single women have the same amount of stuff to do, usually with no or minimal help.
Gourdeous 2 years ago
Actually recent work shows unmarried and single women are the happiest women ....
Rain Anderson 2 years ago
Exactly what I thought. Plus studies also shows that married men live longer, while married woman live less. I think I saw that article in BP
Load More Replies...
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Interesting. Yet, whenever a woman is angry, upset, anything but happy and appearing alone, people have this idea that it's because she "doesn't have a man in her life".
Kathleen McGann 2 years ago
Society will tell you everything is wrong with you if you're not married. And then when you get married they treat you like someone's property. The amount of times a man doing a job for me has answered my question by turning to the man with me and addressing him is legion.
Load More Replies...
officerripley 2 years ago
Agree with the first sentence but not the 2nd. Now that I'm an elderly woman, my experience is that among the elderly population who are financially comfortable, the old men who are happiest are married, the old women who are happiest are divorced or widowed.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
I seem to recall reading a study showing that single women are the happiest demographic.
Tired Panda 2 years ago
Says who? I love being married more than being single. For the second time anyway. And I'm a woman. 30 years with this one.
#47
Poverty comes in the door,
Loves goes out the window.
Brenda 2 years ago
I disagree. I started getting sick about 15 years ago. Medical expenses increased. Then I got cancer 5 years ago. I was already disabled and paying things got bad. 2 years ago he had a "widow maker " heart attack, 10 months later a stroke. Now his pension is all we have for income, almost half what it was. This is the worst our finances have been in the 30 years we've been together. But we are still together, still working it out. If it wasn't for love, we would have split ages ago.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
It's a hard fall when you get used to the cushier life. I also know poverty doesn't have to be long-term if you're proactive and do something about it. It can be long term in some circumstances.
Jake Banana 2 years ago
I've seen this happen time and again; solid finances will get you through times of no love much better than being in love will get you through times of poor finances.
#48
Your spouse and your kids might not get along, and you might have to choose.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
Choose your children. It will be the basis for your relationship with them for the rest of your lives.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I would never ever choose anyone over my kids. My kids are my world.
HARRY KOPPERS 2 years ago
When I had to step in between my wife and my oldest son, I would tell them both to not make me choose, because I took a vow to her and I took no such to him. Privately, I would tell her that if it happened she would lose my respect and would have to earn it back.
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
This is when you have to be the mediator. Not a picker of sides. Find out what the reasons of the fighting are and go from there. If it's a serious issue where your spouse seems to the problem, you have a choice to make of staying and having your kids suffer, or leaving your spouse to protect the kids. If it's a minor tiff, then it could be something they have to sort out themselves. Never just choose. If it's something where your spouse is trying to parent the kids and the kids just don't like the rules, then, yeah, take sides with your spouse because parenting is a team effort and it's healthier for kids to see 2 adults working together and that kind of predictable stability.
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
I'm working on the assumption that it's about a 2nd (3rd, 4th, 7th) marriage.
Load More Replies... #49
Women in their 30’s hit a high streak in libido and your husband will become the one suddenly too tired for sex
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
can confirm. My partner is a dynamo but I am tired all the time and really don't want it.
Jayeff Vee 2 years ago
I met my wife 25 years ago when she was 30. The love making was incredible throughout. I'm nearly seventy now. Her libido has waned after menopause, but still exists. I'm still ready to go anytime.
#50
The most common thing I think is no one is really at fault. Both parties are at fault for something he or she did. It’s a group effort. No one person made the other person “do” something that caused things to go wrong.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
This is dicey. If a spouse is in an alcoholic rage, picks random fights about no real issue other than just finding something to shout about, how would that be the other's fault? How is it the fault of millions of abused spouses for being hurt in that way?
Bob Brooce 2 years ago
If "no one person made the other person “do” something" how are they both at fault?
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Mimi M 2 years ago
The foundation of a relationship is not love. And it sure as hell is not 'communication'. It is respect.
Auntie Panda 1 year ago
Respect will bring the ability and desire to communicate, and maybe just maybe, thelove
Load More Replies...
Brainmas 2 years ago
I am very fortunate that I have the husband I do. My advice is don't lose yourself to your marriage. Keep your hobbies, keep your friends. Do things together and apart. Marriage needs trust, and if you can't trust each other out in the world, it's not going to work. You and your partner shouldn't be completely dependent on each other for entertainment and moral support. My husband is my friend and more, but he's not my "best friend" in that way, he's something different. You will get annoyed at each other, and it's good to have a 3rd party to talk to. You don't have to have all the same interests all the time and you shouldn't force each other into activities they don't like, though it's a good idea to at least try the thing the other person likes.
Christos Arvanitis 2 years ago
Some good advice but some absolute nonsense and idealistic expectations. The takeaway? Marriage sucks and men really suck apparently.
Kevin J. Henning 2 years ago
My wife and I are married 41 years as of October 2nd. She's the love of my life.
Lisa Decker 1 year ago
Dr Hope love spell, you just fixed my relationship. We have been fighting every day and you’ve just fixed it and I cannot thank you enough. Thank you Dr Hope for saving my broken relationship and my boyfriend is back to me. If you have any problem in marriage/relationship. contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact: Email him at: marriagehelper91@gmail.com /WhatsApp him: +2349137446738 Thank you Dr you're the most wonderful spiritual Dr I have ever seen.
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
I realized I'm equally unhappy with and without a lover or spouse, give or take the extra unhappiness for being responsible for someone else's unhappiness
Jasperina Witty 2 years ago
Marriages last because women put up with weaponization incompetence for far too long
Mimi M 2 years ago
The foundation of a relationship is not love. And it sure as hell is not 'communication'. It is respect.
Auntie Panda 1 year ago
Respect will bring the ability and desire to communicate, and maybe just maybe, thelove
Load More Replies... Brainmas 2 years ago
I am very fortunate that I have the husband I do. My advice is don't lose yourself to your marriage. Keep your hobbies, keep your friends. Do things together and apart. Marriage needs trust, and if you can't trust each other out in the world, it's not going to work. You and your partner shouldn't be completely dependent on each other for entertainment and moral support. My husband is my friend and more, but he's not my "best friend" in that way, he's something different. You will get annoyed at each other, and it's good to have a 3rd party to talk to. You don't have to have all the same interests all the time and you shouldn't force each other into activities they don't like, though it's a good idea to at least try the thing the other person likes.
Christos Arvanitis 2 years ago
Some good advice but some absolute nonsense and idealistic expectations. The takeaway? Marriage sucks and men really suck apparently.
Kevin J. Henning 2 years ago
My wife and I are married 41 years as of October 2nd. She's the love of my life.
Lisa Decker 1 year ago
Dr Hope love spell, you just fixed my relationship. We have been fighting every day and you’ve just fixed it and I cannot thank you enough. Thank you Dr Hope for saving my broken relationship and my boyfriend is back to me. If you have any problem in marriage/relationship. contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact: Email him at: marriagehelper91@gmail.com /WhatsApp him: +2349137446738 Thank you Dr you're the most wonderful spiritual Dr I have ever seen.
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
I realized I'm equally unhappy with and without a lover or spouse, give or take the extra unhappiness for being responsible for someone else's unhappiness
Jasperina Witty 2 years ago
Marriages last because women put up with weaponization incompetence for far too long
You May Like 10 Boyfriends, Fiances And Husbands Who Earned Worst Partner Of The Year Title In 2025 "The Marriage Lasted Two Months": 62 Times Wedding Guests Realized The Couple Was Basically Doomed "Women Are Cats In Disguise": 69 Men Share What They Learned About Women After Living With One
Gabija Palšytė
Gabija Palšytė
Justinas Keturka
Related on Bored Panda
