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Bride Asks If Her Groom Not Wanting A “Silent Wedding” Is A Red Flag, Gets A Reality Check Online
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Bride Asks If Her Groom Not Wanting A “Silent Wedding” Is A Red Flag, Gets A Reality Check Online

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Here comes the bride, here comes the bride– Shh! Be quiet! She’s coming, and we’re not allowed to make a peep!

Nowadays, brides and grooms can get extremely creative with their weddings: holding the ceremony in an exotic location, designating a theme for everyone to dress in, and  eloping at the courthouse only scratch the surface of how a happy couple can choose to celebrate their special day. Typically, the elements of a wedding are chosen to enhance everyone’s experience and make the day memorable. However, one bride has recently gone viral for her creative, and frankly unreasonable, demands.

This bride, who plans to have a “silent wedding”, reached out to Ask Amy at The Washington Post for advice and was immediately ripped apart for her expectations. Below, you’ll find the full letter that the bride-to-be composed, as well as some of the responses from flabbergasted readers, and an interview with Amber Peterson, Community Manager of Planner’s Lounge.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments, and if you’ve ever attended a wedding with similarly strict requirements, feel free to share your own experiences as well. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring a bride with unrealistic expectations, check out this story next!  

This bride has gone viral for demanding that all of her wedding guests wear yellow and refrain from speaking to one another

Image credits: Wonderlane (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Marco Verch Professional Photographer (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: The Washington Post

A couple’s wedding day is their day. If they want to serve all gluten-free food, hold the ceremony outside on a humid day in August, and hire a live band who sounds like they just started playing instruments that morning, that’s their prerogative. All of their guests are expected to smile and tell them how lovely the ceremony and reception have been. But at some point, there have to be limitations on what the bride and groom can control. They are inviting their friends and family members, after all, so why would they want their loved ones to have a terrible time?

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To gain more insight on this topic from a wedding planning expert, we reached out to Amber Peterson, Community Manager of Planner’s Lounge. We were curious if Amber has ever heard of a silent wedding, or anything similar. “I have heard of a silent disco dance floor, when guests are all wearing headphones tuned to the DJ, but I have never heard of a couple asking their guests not to speak,” she told Bored Panda.

We also asked Amber how realistic this bride’s requests are. “Asking your guests to be completely silent for the entirety of the event is absolutely unrealistic, and I wonder how they plan to enforce this policy,” she noted. “If a guest speaks above a whisper at the reception, are they thrown out? This seems like it will just make guests uncomfortable and frankly remove any of the fun from the day. A wedding is about love, gathering, family, and friends. If the guests are not allowed to speak to one another, why bother coming?”

And when it comes to how far brides are allowed to go when making demands for their guests, Amber told Bored Panda, “I think brides can ask whatever they want from their guests, but do not be surprised if that means they opt out of your celebration. Asking for a specific colored attire might mean that guests have to buy something they will never wear again, and for some people, dressing in a way that makes them feel bad about their appearance.”

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“Some couples don’t care if their guests look bad, but they will be in your wedding pictures for the rest of your life, so I would prefer that everyone looked and felt their best!” she noted. “Dictating how loud they can speak is not only unrealistic, but insulting! Most people know how to behave at a wedding, and if there are specific guests you are concerned about acting out, maybe do not invite those guests.”

Amber also shared some words of wisdom for this controlling bride. “Your wedding is one of the only times in your life that everyone you and your partner love will be in one room, and I recommend that this bride embrace that and enjoy her guests and allow them to enjoy the day. Just because your guests are chatting does not mean they are not there to celebrate you and your fiance!”

“While the wedding is about the commitment you are making to one another, it is also about the gathering of your friends and family, and you should consider their fun and comfort,” she told Bored Panda. “Your wedding is only one day, and you do not want to make the people you love miserable in order to celebrate with you and your partner. If you are unbearable during your wedding, people will remember that for YEARS to come. Be considerate.”

“A wedding is a large-scale party you are hosting to celebrate your love, and your guests are invited to celebrate with you. Guests should be treated with the same respect and love you expect them to give to you as the engaged couple,” Amber says. “This means making sure they are having fun, and are comfortable and at ease. This is the first event you are hosting as a married couple, so be gracious and welcoming!”

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If you’d like to learn more wedding-planning tips from Amber or the rest of her team, be sure to check out Planner’s Lounge right here!

If this bride’s primary concern is avoiding rowdy wedding guests, there are ways to ensure that the occasion is calm without restricting anyone from speaking. They can choose not to serve alcohol, or have a limited amount, they can play tame and quiet music, and they can hold the ceremony and reception during the morning or daytime, rather than the evening. But just because it’s her wedding day doesn’t mean she gets to control everyone in attendance, including her fiancé who is not on board with the idea. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this silent wedding idea in the comments down below, pandas. Would you have to RSVP “no” to the quiet, yellow wedding? If you’ve ever attended a similarly bizarre tying of the knot, feel free to share your personal stories as well, and then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring a woman who qualifies as a “bridezilla”, you can find that right here!

Readers have had plenty to say about the silent wedding online, sharing jokes and detailing their expectations of the event

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Adelaide Ross

Adelaide Ross

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

Read less »
Adelaide Ross

Adelaide Ross

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

Read less »

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

What do you think?
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juliaartigue avatar
juice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amy’s answer: “Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they're yellow, of course). I hope your fiance is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children. Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families. Your fiance's job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That's not how marriage works. Let's start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man's yellow outfit that didn't bring to mind a giant banana...

juliaartigue avatar
juice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

...Let's move on to the silence. Generally, guests don't speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas. If you don't want rowdy guests, then limit (or don't serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.”

Load More Replies...
caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually know how to make your wedding completely silent - just don't invite anybody. No guests - no noise. Nobody would like to attend such a wedding anyway.

chsmith avatar
CHRISTY SMITH
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most ppl attend weddings out of obligiation in the first place, her being a c**t about it isn't going to go well.

Load More Replies...
amyzhang2010 avatar
HelluvaHedgehogAlien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I’ll be a glow-in-the-dark, fluorescent yellow Sonic the Hedgehog for the wedding

wendillon avatar
Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll come as a Simpson! Complete with yellow body paint! I'll even stay completely silent but I will absolutely grin creepily at everyone!

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
juliaartigue avatar
juice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amy’s answer: “Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they're yellow, of course). I hope your fiance is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children. Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families. Your fiance's job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That's not how marriage works. Let's start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man's yellow outfit that didn't bring to mind a giant banana...

juliaartigue avatar
juice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

...Let's move on to the silence. Generally, guests don't speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas. If you don't want rowdy guests, then limit (or don't serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.”

Load More Replies...
caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually know how to make your wedding completely silent - just don't invite anybody. No guests - no noise. Nobody would like to attend such a wedding anyway.

chsmith avatar
CHRISTY SMITH
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most ppl attend weddings out of obligiation in the first place, her being a c**t about it isn't going to go well.

Load More Replies...
amyzhang2010 avatar
HelluvaHedgehogAlien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I’ll be a glow-in-the-dark, fluorescent yellow Sonic the Hedgehog for the wedding

wendillon avatar
Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll come as a Simpson! Complete with yellow body paint! I'll even stay completely silent but I will absolutely grin creepily at everyone!

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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