Bride Refuses To Buy Bridesmaid A New Dress Because She Gained Weight, Asks If She’s In The Wrong
So many things can go wrong when planning a wedding, it seems. And the worst thing is when a force majeure hits you, like a worldwide pandemic. You have to reschedule everything, and a lot of things can change in the two years it takes the world to recover.
People’s bodies change often, so it’s no surprise that a bridesmaid may no longer fit into her dress. And this is exactly what happened to u/Ill-Trick4313. Her bridesmaid asked for a new dress since the old one became too small. But drama ensued after the Redditor refused, so she came to r/AITA to ask people whether she was being unreasonable.
Many people reported gaining weight during the pandemic, and so did this one bridesmaid
Image credits: John Diez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But when her friend, the bride, refused to buy her a new dress, she got called out for fat shaming and being “an awful friend”
Image credits: Sincerely Media / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ill-Trick4313
A bridesmaid’s dress that’s too small isn’t the end of the world
Most brides want their wedding day to be and look perfect. That includes the attire of the bridesmaids. When a bridesmaid’s body change causes some last-minute panic, the important thing is not to start throwing around ultimatums but rather come up with a plan to solve the problem together.
A bridesmaid’s dress might need alterations for many different reasons. Sometimes, people make the mistake of ordering the dress online without trying it on. It’s not unusual for many months to pass between the initial dress shopping and the last try-on – even when there’s no pandemic.
In the OP’s case, of course, it was that too much time had passed. What’s more, the break between when the dress was initially made and the wedding happened to be during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many people reported gaining weight during that time: 42% of 2021 survey respondents claimed their weight increased since the beginning of the pandemic.
If such an issue arises, The Knot advises you to sit down with the bridesmaid and talk to her. “Tell her you want her next to you on your wedding day, and then figure out what will make her most comfortable,” they write.
An experienced seamstress can alter a bridesmaid’s dress that’s too small
Image credits: Rene Asmussen / Pexels (not the actual photo)
If the size difference isn’t drastic, tailors can make alterations so that the initial dress fits perfectly. The Maids To Measure bridal shop writes that sometimes salons might have the same dress available in a bigger size.
However, if that isn’t an option, a seamstress might be able to help. Either by adding some extra material to the dress or by doing something more out of the box. Tailors can add a back panel or a corset if the dress doesn’t zip up. Aside from the back, seamstresses can also add some extra fabric in another place where people won’t notice – under the arms.
If an alteration is out of the question, buying a different style of dress is also an option. This didn’t seem to be a problem for the OP in this case – she was on board with “Jane” buying a new dress. The problem stemmed from the fact that neither one of them was willing to pay for it.
People still disagree about whether losing weight before a wedding is necessary
Image credits: rthanuthattaphong / Envato (not the actual photo)
A story by the New York Post about a bride-to-be went viral in 2017. PR Executive Ashley Barton had asked her bridesmaids to lose weight before the wedding. “I need everyone on board,” she said back then. “I want my guests to invest in their appearances, feel pretty, go buy the dress of their dreams, and feel confident in themselves. I want everyone to feel and look beautiful.”
Her demand prompted a lot of discussion online about whether it’s okay to ask your friends and wedding guests to change their appearance. Many other brides came out at that time with their stories of dieting, scheduling Botox treatments, and purchasing ‘clean eating’ meal plans to prepare themselves for the wedding. Gyms and personal trainers also claimed they offer bridal fitness plans as the demand increased.
Here, we have a similar situation: the OP tells her bridesmaid to either lose the weight and fit into her old dress or buy a new one with her own money. While we might not have all the details of the story, it’s still somewhat in the same realm as Barton’s case. And so it poses a question: is it ever okay to ask a bridesmaid to lose weight?
The editor of the Rock N’ Roll Bride magazine, Kat Williams, says no. “I can’t even fathom why someone would say that to another human being, least of all their best friend,” she wrote back in 2015. “If you are happy and healthy then never, ever, ever, under any circumstances should you feel the need to lose weight to keep someone else happy.”
The commenters asked OP whether they considered other options, like a thrift store or alteration
Some commenters believed the bride wasn’t the bad guy
Others called her out for being insensitive
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Big NTA! Weddings are freaking expensive, even when you're trying to do it on a budget, and brides should not be expected to purchase their bridesmaid's dresses? "You bought everyone else's dresses" yes, and she bought you one too, and you don't fit into it anymore. It sucks, but I don't think at that point it is the bride's responsibility to get a second dress. The bridesmaid wasn't even going to have to pay full price for a new dress because the bride offered to give her the money she gets from selling the one that no longer fits. Honestly I think the bride was very kind and understanding, and the bridesmaid is sensitive about her weight gain so lashing out.
Oh FFS!! The bride has no obligation to buy her TWO dresses just because she no longer fits in the old one. Buy your own damn dress you whiny baby! And stop acting like a victim.
Yeah it wasn’t the bridesmaids fault she gained weight, someone probably forced her to stuff her face 🍔🍰🍩 Thought i was gong to read about a bridezilla, nop just an entitled lazy fat bridesmaid
OP is TA for making a clickbait title. That she mischaracterizes a title for a Reddit post makes me wonder if there is more to the story.
The fact OP bought the BM dresses to begin with makes her NTA. This girl had ample time to do something about the dress not fitting. Had she brought this up say last year rather than just a few months before the wedding then maybe something else could've been done. I think that OP offering her the money from the old dress is very kind. It's not like she's demanding this girl find an identical $2500 dress! She even said she doesn't care about the cost just make it work with the vibe of the other girls' dresses. I think the BM is taking her negative emotions towards herself on OP. And if this girl is truly OP's friend and truly wanted to be in the wedding then SHE would figure out how to make it happen. She's being very selfish. NTA
No sorry. The bride can't keep buying you dresses because you did plan well. If I knew I needed to fit into something I'd be on a diet She even offered a great solution and no it wasn't good enough.
If a bridesmaid becomes pregnant and the original dress doesn't fit (after 4 + years), then I would think the bridesmaid should pay for the new dress. Basically the same issues.
What does the bridesmaid mean "It wasn't her fault she gained weight"?!?! Whose fault was it then? McDonalds? Burger King? Pizza Hut? Don't blame others because you have no self-control.
If it was a bride that bought a dress, had her wedding postposed for a number of years, do you think she would consider her weight during that time and hope that she will fit into the dress or throw caution to the wind and just buy another dress?
How tight is money? If you're on a shoestring budget and can't afford it, I can understand. Maybe ask the other bridesmaids, family, whomever if they can chip in to help. But if it's more about the principle, then decide if your friendship is worth the cost.
Why should the other bridesmaids be asked to chip in on the dress?
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I guess the real question is how much do you value the friendship? Is it worth losing a friend over the cost of a dress? Clearly, the weight gain was not intentional, so some grace would have gone a long way here.
She gave the girl several options. But having the bride buy her a new dress is the only one the spoiled brat wants. Most bridesmaids buy their own dress anyway. The bride didn't even say she had to by a specific one! That girl is just enjoying playing the victim.
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Idk. It's weird how she never says she can't afford to buy her a new dress. If that were me and I could afford to buy a new dress, especially after selling the old one, I would just buy her a new dress. She said the same dresses were discounted now..... so that should mean that she could sell the old dress and possibly buy the new dress for the same discounted price that she sold the dress for. Or close to it and potentially not have to spend another dime on a new one. I'd care more about my friend being in my wedding than "principle" I just think the bride is kind of a d**k but I don't think she's a big AH... but I don't think the friend is out of line either. Sounds like she's been thru some s**t and really wants to be apart of her friends wedding. Soft YTA. But still. If you can afford a dress, why not just buy it unless you don't want your friend to be in your wedding?
Was it ever said the bridesmaid couldn’t afford a new dress either? I was shocked the bride paid for all the dresses once. A second time is too much.
Load More Replies... Big NTA! Weddings are freaking expensive, even when you're trying to do it on a budget, and brides should not be expected to purchase their bridesmaid's dresses? "You bought everyone else's dresses" yes, and she bought you one too, and you don't fit into it anymore. It sucks, but I don't think at that point it is the bride's responsibility to get a second dress. The bridesmaid wasn't even going to have to pay full price for a new dress because the bride offered to give her the money she gets from selling the one that no longer fits. Honestly I think the bride was very kind and understanding, and the bridesmaid is sensitive about her weight gain so lashing out.
Oh FFS!! The bride has no obligation to buy her TWO dresses just because she no longer fits in the old one. Buy your own damn dress you whiny baby! And stop acting like a victim.
Yeah it wasn’t the bridesmaids fault she gained weight, someone probably forced her to stuff her face 🍔🍰🍩 Thought i was gong to read about a bridezilla, nop just an entitled lazy fat bridesmaid
OP is TA for making a clickbait title. That she mischaracterizes a title for a Reddit post makes me wonder if there is more to the story.
The fact OP bought the BM dresses to begin with makes her NTA. This girl had ample time to do something about the dress not fitting. Had she brought this up say last year rather than just a few months before the wedding then maybe something else could've been done. I think that OP offering her the money from the old dress is very kind. It's not like she's demanding this girl find an identical $2500 dress! She even said she doesn't care about the cost just make it work with the vibe of the other girls' dresses. I think the BM is taking her negative emotions towards herself on OP. And if this girl is truly OP's friend and truly wanted to be in the wedding then SHE would figure out how to make it happen. She's being very selfish. NTA
No sorry. The bride can't keep buying you dresses because you did plan well. If I knew I needed to fit into something I'd be on a diet She even offered a great solution and no it wasn't good enough.
If a bridesmaid becomes pregnant and the original dress doesn't fit (after 4 + years), then I would think the bridesmaid should pay for the new dress. Basically the same issues.
What does the bridesmaid mean "It wasn't her fault she gained weight"?!?! Whose fault was it then? McDonalds? Burger King? Pizza Hut? Don't blame others because you have no self-control.
If it was a bride that bought a dress, had her wedding postposed for a number of years, do you think she would consider her weight during that time and hope that she will fit into the dress or throw caution to the wind and just buy another dress?
How tight is money? If you're on a shoestring budget and can't afford it, I can understand. Maybe ask the other bridesmaids, family, whomever if they can chip in to help. But if it's more about the principle, then decide if your friendship is worth the cost.
Why should the other bridesmaids be asked to chip in on the dress?
Load More Replies... I guess the real question is how much do you value the friendship? Is it worth losing a friend over the cost of a dress? Clearly, the weight gain was not intentional, so some grace would have gone a long way here.
She gave the girl several options. But having the bride buy her a new dress is the only one the spoiled brat wants. Most bridesmaids buy their own dress anyway. The bride didn't even say she had to by a specific one! That girl is just enjoying playing the victim.
Load More Replies... Idk. It's weird how she never says she can't afford to buy her a new dress. If that were me and I could afford to buy a new dress, especially after selling the old one, I would just buy her a new dress. She said the same dresses were discounted now..... so that should mean that she could sell the old dress and possibly buy the new dress for the same discounted price that she sold the dress for. Or close to it and potentially not have to spend another dime on a new one. I'd care more about my friend being in my wedding than "principle" I just think the bride is kind of a d**k but I don't think she's a big AH... but I don't think the friend is out of line either. Sounds like she's been thru some s**t and really wants to be apart of her friends wedding. Soft YTA. But still. If you can afford a dress, why not just buy it unless you don't want your friend to be in your wedding?
Was it ever said the bridesmaid couldn’t afford a new dress either? I was shocked the bride paid for all the dresses once. A second time is too much.
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