Bride Refuses To Buy Bridesmaid A New Dress Because She Gained Weight, Asks If She’s In The Wrong
So many things can go wrong when planning a wedding, it seems. And the worst thing is when a force majeure hits you, like a worldwide pandemic. You have to reschedule everything, and a lot of things can change in the two years it takes the world to recover.
People’s bodies change often, so it’s no surprise that a bridesmaid may no longer fit into her dress. And this is exactly what happened to u/Ill-Trick4313. Her bridesmaid asked for a new dress since the old one became too small. But drama ensued after the Redditor refused, so she came to r/AITA to ask people whether she was being unreasonable.
Many people reported gaining weight during the pandemic, and so did this one bridesmaid
Image credits: John Diez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But when her friend, the bride, refused to buy her a new dress, she got called out for fat shaming and being “an awful friend”
Image credits: Sincerely Media / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ill-Trick4313
A bridesmaid’s dress that’s too small isn’t the end of the world
Most brides want their wedding day to be and look perfect. That includes the attire of the bridesmaids. When a bridesmaid’s body change causes some last-minute panic, the important thing is not to start throwing around ultimatums but rather come up with a plan to solve the problem together.
A bridesmaid’s dress might need alterations for many different reasons. Sometimes, people make the mistake of ordering the dress online without trying it on. It’s not unusual for many months to pass between the initial dress shopping and the last try-on – even when there’s no pandemic.
In the OP’s case, of course, it was that too much time had passed. What’s more, the break between when the dress was initially made and the wedding happened to be during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many people reported gaining weight during that time: 42% of 2021 survey respondents claimed their weight increased since the beginning of the pandemic.
If such an issue arises, The Knot advises you to sit down with the bridesmaid and talk to her. “Tell her you want her next to you on your wedding day, and then figure out what will make her most comfortable,” they write.
An experienced seamstress can alter a bridesmaid’s dress that’s too small
Image credits: Rene Asmussen / Pexels (not the actual photo)
If the size difference isn’t drastic, tailors can make alterations so that the initial dress fits perfectly. The Maids To Measure bridal shop writes that sometimes salons might have the same dress available in a bigger size.
However, if that isn’t an option, a seamstress might be able to help. Either by adding some extra material to the dress or by doing something more out of the box. Tailors can add a back panel or a corset if the dress doesn’t zip up. Aside from the back, seamstresses can also add some extra fabric in another place where people won’t notice – under the arms.
If an alteration is out of the question, buying a different style of dress is also an option. This didn’t seem to be a problem for the OP in this case – she was on board with “Jane” buying a new dress. The problem stemmed from the fact that neither one of them was willing to pay for it.
People still disagree about whether losing weight before a wedding is necessary
Image credits: rthanuthattaphong / Envato (not the actual photo)
A story by the New York Post about a bride-to-be went viral in 2017. PR Executive Ashley Barton had asked her bridesmaids to lose weight before the wedding. “I need everyone on board,” she said back then. “I want my guests to invest in their appearances, feel pretty, go buy the dress of their dreams, and feel confident in themselves. I want everyone to feel and look beautiful.”
Her demand prompted a lot of discussion online about whether it’s okay to ask your friends and wedding guests to change their appearance. Many other brides came out at that time with their stories of dieting, scheduling Botox treatments, and purchasing ‘clean eating’ meal plans to prepare themselves for the wedding. Gyms and personal trainers also claimed they offer bridal fitness plans as the demand increased.
Here, we have a similar situation: the OP tells her bridesmaid to either lose the weight and fit into her old dress or buy a new one with her own money. While we might not have all the details of the story, it’s still somewhat in the same realm as Barton’s case. And so it poses a question: is it ever okay to ask a bridesmaid to lose weight?
The editor of the Rock N’ Roll Bride magazine, Kat Williams, says no. “I can’t even fathom why someone would say that to another human being, least of all their best friend,” she wrote back in 2015. “If you are happy and healthy then never, ever, ever, under any circumstances should you feel the need to lose weight to keep someone else happy.”
The commenters asked OP whether they considered other options, like a thrift store or alteration
Some commenters believed the bride wasn’t the bad guy
Others called her out for being insensitive
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Big NTA! Weddings are freaking expensive, even when you're trying to do it on a budget, and brides should not be expected to purchase their bridesmaid's dresses? "You bought everyone else's dresses" yes, and she bought you one too, and you don't fit into it anymore. It sucks, but I don't think at that point it is the bride's responsibility to get a second dress. The bridesmaid wasn't even going to have to pay full price for a new dress because the bride offered to give her the money she gets from selling the one that no longer fits. Honestly I think the bride was very kind and understanding, and the bridesmaid is sensitive about her weight gain so lashing out.
Big NTA! Weddings are freaking expensive, even when you're trying to do it on a budget, and brides should not be expected to purchase their bridesmaid's dresses? "You bought everyone else's dresses" yes, and she bought you one too, and you don't fit into it anymore. It sucks, but I don't think at that point it is the bride's responsibility to get a second dress. The bridesmaid wasn't even going to have to pay full price for a new dress because the bride offered to give her the money she gets from selling the one that no longer fits. Honestly I think the bride was very kind and understanding, and the bridesmaid is sensitive about her weight gain so lashing out.
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