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Someone Asks People Online To Share Parenting Tips That Might Sound Smart, But Are Actually Toxic Parenting Advice, And 30 People Provide
Have you ever noticed how absolutely everybody and their mothers become experts on parenting as soon as you become a parent?
Everyone from your parents to in-laws to friends to random people on the internet will have your back with parenting tips, tricks, hacks, general advice, stuff they read or heard on Facebook or any other piece of trivia from the entertainment section of your local newspaper.
But be mindful. The stuff they tell you might sound like something a good parent would do, but it's only deceptively good advice. Luckily, folks on Reddit have been pointing out bad parenting practices that, on paper, might sound quite nice to some, but really aren't, and more people should be aware of that.
The now-viral thread has nearly 14,000 upvotes with just one Reddit award, but it's the award that matters. Bored Panda has gathered the best of the best responses and laid them down in the curated list below. So, scroll, vote, comment, all that jazz, and share your "good" parenting advice that's actually not-so-good advice in the comment section below!
More Info: Reddit
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#1
Sex is a dirty, embarrassing off-limits subject that they are never mature enough for you to discuss it with. Good way to ensure your kid grows up with some form of bodily insecurity and you're also leaving them to learn about sex/sexuality from their peers or the media, the two most destructive sources imaginable.
Tell your daughter "that boy hurt/teases you because he likes you!". Sure I get the surface idea of "making a negative seem positive". But it's a good way to end up confused as to how she ended up with an abusive boyfriend later in life.
I'm sure this'll get reddit readying their best super original "attack helicopter" jokes, but the whole "boys = blue/action toys, girls = pink/frilly princess things" needs to stop. Just let the kid be a kid. If he wants a barbie, cool. If she wants to play football, cool. Your kid won't grow up wrong if their room isn't colour coded and your child's masculinity/femininity is none of your business anyway.
Peter 3 years ago
My son gets blue stuff because he's my boy. My daughter gets blue stuff because she's my girl. My staffie b***h gets blue stuff because she's my dog. I like blue.
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S Mi 3 years ago
I spent the first few *decades* of my life apologizing for not 'being much of a girl'. Let's stop doing that to kids (btw, I'm a cis gender woman, who happens to not like frilly, pink things, makeup, etc)
Shelby Moonheart 3 years ago
I was the youngest with three older brothers. We moved when I was five years old and I got to have a bedroom with pink shag carpet. My parents bought me a white and pink canopy bed. I loved it. I played with my brothers mostly so became a bit of a tomboy. But I would also play dress up with my mom's old dresses. My parents let me do a mix of both boy and girl activities since we all have those aspects in us. I liked being rough and tumble but also feminine and pretty. Holistic people understand it is a mixture of characteristics that make a whole person.
MissyKrissy 3 years ago
This is me in a nutshell. I was the girl in her brothers old clothes with pig tails and pink nail polish growing up. In high school I was the cheerleader who dressed like a guy when not in uniform. Everyone thought I was confused and crazy, I think I've always known that you can like both feminine and masculine things, no matter who you are. I'm now 33, steal clothes from my husband and wear them with pretty pink lip stick because why the hell not?
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Miz Chelle 3 years ago
I (female) had barbies, GI Joe's, those plastic soldier guys we all hated to step on, cabbage patch dolls, and dinosaurs. I played with them all. I am so grateful my parents didn't need to push any gender bias on us as children. I got to wear whatever I wanted in what ever color... let your kids express themselves however they feel comfortable. They will be who they will be and we will love them anyway... (side note: the GI joes made great hostages for the barbie version of Charlie's angels to rescue.. a bit of girl power i pushed in there..lol)
Felix Grace 3 years ago
Sex education in my house... is something. It's something to be horribly ashamed of and I'll always be "too young" and I'll grow up to be a prostitute if I even so much as experiment with hickeys or kissing. Don't do this to your kids. Human reproduction and sexuality, at it's very core, is the base-line of our biology. It's NORMAL. And it's okay to be interested in it or not be. And physical affection isn't always sexual, either. It's okay to let your body function normally and give into urges that are normal (and asexuality and sex-repulsion is completely okay too!!).
MissyKrissy 3 years ago (edited)
I'm sorry this is how you are treated in your own home. I wish I could do something to make your life easier. I am so glad that you are smart and strong enough to understand the real truth. You keep doing you, if you don't hear it from anyone else you'll hear it from me today, I'M PROUD OF YOU!
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Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Sex education in an honest and open way, without making it a "dirty" thing, is one of the best ways to hope for teenagers and adults to grow up without shaming the fact of having it. My parents told me absolutely nothing, the subject was completely taboe and I had to figure it all out by myself. This lead to a long time of sexual abuse by an uncle and many sexual assault growing up (I've learned that when you are a victim of sexual abuse, it's almost like having it tatood on your forehead) It took me a long, long time to learn and uderstand that all of this was not my fault and it had nothing to do with sex, but power. Fortunately I got to meet the most wonderfull man and finally figured out that sex can be a very pleasant thing to do and I'm enjoying it to the fullest ;) And my son? He grew up as a loving free spirit that can talk to me about everything ;)
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
I'm a girl. I hate pink, blue is my favorite color. I hate Barbies and love throwing a baseball with neighbor kids. I don't own any frilly clothes. That whole gender stereotype is way too hyped up. Let people express themselves. Girly girls? "Macho" guys? Tomboys? Feminine boys? All are good!
Brenda 3 years ago
Son wanted Barbies one Christmas. All his cousins were girls, so he wanted what they played with. Hubby's younger sister got him 2, 1 Barbie and 1 Ken with swimsuits that changed color in water. Played with them in the bath for months. Also used them w/ Legos, Tonka trucks, sandbox and Thomas the Tank Engine sets. Daughter asked for a bow and arrow set at 12. Skateboards, bikes, sports gear, anything outdoorsy. Also the girliest girl and biggest clothes horse. Both turned out fine
RELATED:
#2
Divgirl2 said:
If they are throwing a tantrum, distract them by giving sweet treats or a new toy.
[deleted] replied:
My nephew is two. Whenever he throws a tantrum, his parents say fuck it and give him candy because they don't want to deal with it.
When he throws a tantrum at my house, I let him cry it out for a little while then offer him water. Works like a charm. He stops crying, he learns to do what I ask him to when I ask him to, and we get to hug it out in the end.
Susim-the-Housecat replied:
Get ready to become his favourite person.
My nephew was the same and I was strict when i needed to be and kind the rest of the time. I swear every other adult in his life was the opposite, they'd tell him off for accidents and mistakes, or just from doing normal kid things, and when he threw tantrums, they'd give him sweets to shut him up. When his parents asked him to do things, it was always a struggle, so they always called him a bad kid. when I ask him to do things or calm down, he does it without question, and when we're together he's a freaking angel, he's not a bad kid at all.
Now I'm his favourite person because for a long time I was the only one that gave him the kind of structure and attention he needs.
Plus playing minecraft with him doesn't hurt.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
You're MY favorite uncle! Yo're absolutely right, kids need love and structure and playtime with grown-ups. The addition of Mine Craft makes you, well, awesome.
Anonymous 3 years ago
You're not kidding Max Brooks's Minecraft: The Island talks about real skills that develop from playing Minecraft.
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Thee8thsense 3 years ago
Smart, kid throw a tantrum, get rewarded with candy. So, reinforcing bad behavior. Brilliant. It is a pity how many people are breeders when they really shouldn't be.
Brian Cloud 3 years ago
People are breeders when they really shouldn't be? Maybe just people have children and shouldn't. Breeders was not necessary. In your parents case, I would have to agree with your statement.
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BadCat 3 years ago
My mom used to threaten to call the police on me. I have 0 tolerance for temper tantrums but I'm not that harsh.
Mindy Haun 3 years ago
Mine did that too and told me they were taking me away from her. I was terrified of the police for years. Lol.
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Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
Has anyone else seen the new "trend" on TikTok or Instagram where parents just spray a dollop of Cool Whip in their toddler's mouth to stop a tantrum? Nothing like enforcing bad habits and creating an unhealthy relationship with food...
rhubarb 3 years ago
That's a trend? It sounds awful. Might give some parents new ideas, and that's not good.
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Dalton McCord 3 years ago
My mom told my grandma that she "didn't know the real [my name]." Because my mom treated me as a second thought frequently and my grandma treated me with patience, love, and respect. Also, I had undiagnosed autism so...
Kitty White 3 years ago
Parents should understand that kids not only need, but WANT, discipline and structure. Kids know that the outside world will have certain expectations of them. A simple trip to the grocery store is loaded with examples of what society expects when we are ‘out in public.’ We wait patiently in the line; we don’t randomly rip open packages on the shelf and leave a mess; we don’t run around screaming (we don’t run around at all); we don’t stick candy bars in our pockets without paying for them; we don’t take a tub of ice cream out of the freezer and set it down somewhere and leave it; we don’t take a carton of eggs and throw/smash it onto the floor; we don’t grab an apple from the display, take a bite, and put it back. I could go on and on, but will instead get back to my point: kids *want* their parents to teach them and show them these things. Otherwise, kids think their parents don’t care how- or whether- they’ll get along in the world. Indifference is the worst kind of abuse/neglect.
S&P 3 years ago
That's very much like how it was with the oldest daughter of one of my mom's former work friends. Around her mom, she was an absolutely malicious terror because she knew her mom wouldn't really do anything about it cuz she just didn't care. Even pretending she was getting beaten within an inch of her life by her mom in a restaurant bathroom. They were opposite the room from each other. Not even touching. And she did that with a smirk on her face. But she knew she couldn't do that with us. We weren't hardcore strict or anything, but we made it clear that we wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior and she probably saw how much more we cared about her and the way she acted compared to her mom. She actually made it clear that she preferred staying with us and would even howl and scream whenever her mom came to pick them up. We lost touch when her mom moved them away after her 2nd husband was murdered. I still worry about how that girl ended up since she should be an adult now.
Viola Fö 3 years ago
I'm actually a Psychologist and when my son was two my child development teacher said ignore it. I did. He cried and cried and cried. Then never had another one with me. His dad different story. It was hilarious. Mostly for me 😂😂
C Fri 3 years ago
Ignoring it sounds like a bad idea. Every child is different, so what might be a meaningless tantrum for some might be a cry for help for others, leading to emotional neglect. Take every moment as a teaching moment. Instead of teaching them that their tantrums lead to rewards or neglect, teach them to understand themselves, their emotions, and their relationships with other people. Don't try to solve their problem, just listen. "You're upset, and that's okay. Sometimes upsetting things happen, and this is a natural response. If you tell me what happened I'll listen. I can even do the work with you to help fix the problem if you like. But I can't do anything if all you do is cry." I don't care if they're two and don't understand. They aren't just going to lose an experience, it will shape them in some way. They will learn from it. They will feel that energy.
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Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
Also too much sugar is bad for them, especially thier teeth. Although having snacks on hand is no bad thing either. (Rice cereal was amazing for my daughter during her pediatrition appointment and she got Hangry). Half the time a tantruming infant or toddler is hungry so having some age appropriate snacks can help take the edge off until you finish shopping or getting through thier doctors appointment or whatever you are having to do until you get to where you can properly feed them. Or distracting a teething infant with thier teething ring. The trick is to know what is causing the tantrum. (Are they hungry, tired, teething, overestimulated, needing a diaper change etc etc. )
James Fall 3 years ago
Shitty parenting, the rest of us have to deal with your spoiled little twat, thanks assholes.
#3
Don't let your kids fail.
The worst thing we can do as parents is never allow our kids to fail. We only fail them, as parents, by never allowing them to face disappointment and are robbing them from the ability to learn some basic life skills. Let your kids fail, fall on their face, pick themselves up and rub the dirt off.
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
My younger son was roughly 18 months old when he learned that I had reasons for telling him not to do something (in this instance, not going down a slide face first) when he did exactly what I'd told him not to do and ended up with a minor nosebleed and a mouthful of mud. He was fine, and honestly more upset about the mouthful of mud than the nosebleed, but he didn't disobey me for quite a while after that.
Andie 3 years ago
My parents did this. I basically learned, if I didn't want to do something, or if it was too hard, they would do it for me. Entering the "real world", was harsh. I still struggle with this because of that mentality, but I have gotten better. They didn't do it as much with my little sister, so things were better for her in a way (there was some massive trauma I went through, which is why I think they coddled me for so long). She is a much more well rounded person than I am, but I am trying.
Deborah B 3 years ago
The important thing is to not let them fail in ways that harm them, or scare them off trying again. If they want to dive off the high diving board, convince them to try diving off the low diving board first. You let them have little fails, like belly-flopping from the low dive, and having it sting, or getting scared and needing to be talked through jumping off instead of diving. Then they go back, and try again, and do better. You don't let them start on the high board, and have a panic attack 4m above the pool, or risk diving wrong and hurting or scaring themselves so much that they lose confidence in their ability to learn to dive. Teach them that trial and error is a way to learn, you try, you fail, you try again, or try a different way, and maybe you succeed, and maybe you need to keep trying.
Ozzie Ogawa 3 years ago
My parents scold me even for minor mistakes, the result is i'm anxious of making mistakes, but regret and learn nothing even from big mistakes since every mistakes feel the same for me.
Vira 3 years ago
I think part of the learning-through-failure lesson is missing, in this post. Half of being a parent also involves being there for your child when they fail. I think some people think ridicule, derision, or punishment for failure is the next step. The point is to teach how to overcome failure, not to teach that failure leads to a loss of respect, and/or autonomy, and punishment.
Sarah E 3 years ago
I hate the whole "it'll hurt their self-esteem if they fail" mentality. Kids have to be given the opportunity to fail in a context where failure doesn't have serious consequences, because they have to learn how to deal with failure and they have to learn that actions have consequences.
#4
Always tell your kids to finish their food. This honestly just promotes obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle, although I get the idea of telling them to finish what's on their plates.
IamMe 3 years ago
I've found that small kids usually don't eat a lot all at once, but if I put it in the fridge, chances are they'll want more in an hour or two. It's easier, and cheaper than throwing it away, and buying separate snacks, that will also end up half eaten. Once they are teens, however it's the opposite. They'll finish their plates, ask if there's any more, and still be hungry.
Christina Hill 3 years ago
I was very small until I hit puberty but my younger sister was always a little chunky so she would always finish my food. This worked out well for both of us until we were 10/8ish and an aunt told me to stop feeding her because I was making her fat. We've both had struggles with weight as teens/ adults.
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Deborah Harris 3 years ago
My mother made me and my brother sit at the table for 3 hours until we ate the cabbage left on our plates. My brother likes it now but even the smell of it makes me want to throw up ...
Leslie Harris 3 years ago
same relationship i have with pasta of any kind
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Viola Fö 3 years ago
My dad made me do this, while piling man sized portions on my plate. Then calling me and my sister fat. We both developed eating disorders. I'm bulemic and a chronic under eater and my sister got obese.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
Stepdad did this same s**t. He'd call me fat, and then ask my mom for fried chicken for dinner, and punish me for asking if I could broil my piece. Or he would purposefully make something inedible, and then punish us for not eating it. We told my mom about this trick repeatedly, but she seemed to thing it was no biggie until he absolutely saturated several expensive filets in lighter fluid, to the point that the neighbor's kid ate two bites and then puked. ETA: he was having an affair with the neighbor, so her kid didn't get in trouble.
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This.... it tool me until I was 51 to figure out that stopping when you've had enough works way better ;)
Antz Online 3 years ago
Maybe tell them to dish out how much the can have and if they want more then help themselves. I don’t like wasting food and it’s not because of those that go to be with no food, it’s because it’s costly and shows no respect.
AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
For young toddlers and such, this isn't practical. And that's when this habit begins, as toddlers. Even if they fill their own plates, even if all YOU put on their plates is a small amount, if they're not hungry they shouldn't be forced to finish their plate. It should be encouraged to only eat when you're hungry and only eat as much as you're hungry for. That's how we feed babies. That shouldn't change.
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Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
It depends on the child and the amount you give them. My daughter would happily starve herself just so she could play and says eating is boring. Letting her forgo meals or take three tiny nibbles and call it good would be harmful to her health. So yes you do have to make sure they take in sufficient nutrition. I would not expect my child to eat my amount of food. However I do make her eat the proper amount of her food to stay healthy. If I give her half a sandwich for lunch I expect her to eat half a sandwich, then if she is still hungry she can have more. Usually by the time she eats the half a sandwich she realizes that she was hungry and does ask for more. It's just getting her to sit long enough to remember that she needs food.
Na Schi 3 years ago
I'm utterly thankful that I could stop that quirk of my old parents as soon as I've moved out with 19. However, living on my own did meant that I have to become comfortable with the fact to throw away leftovers after eating that dish for an entire 3 days. Shifted to cook dishes, which can be deep-frozen... but however there was that nagging voice in my head when I threw away food (and sorry if I would buy the cheaper family-size pack of a food/ingredient than the overall overpriced "for singles" package... but that is mire a critic against capitalism). Though 20 years later I'm not bothered so much... okay bit it still annoys me that I can't buy small portions of food for an equally cheaper price, as it is proven that singles made a majority of households.
Robert Giese 3 years ago
Nope. Not if you're feeding them right and balanced. The whole point is to get the maximum amount of nutrients in each meal, as needed. Whoever wrote this had stacks of plates, and then thirds and was told to finish them. THAT will obviously get you fat. This kind of uneducated, unformed logic is what's wrong with everyone today.
Julianne Hannes 3 years ago
Plus if you're under middle class you're on a strict budget and can't waste food
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Rage Of Aquarius II 3 years ago
I make myself sick finishing food constantly. My parents have learned not to make people, but the damage is already done. I hate myself for wasting food, or putting a small amount away and dirtying a Tupperware.
#5
[deleted] said:
Have a second child so they can babysit each other
[deleted] replied:
Lol my brother is 9 years older than me. He was always supposed to be my babysitter.
When I was 6 (so Kiki, my bro, was 15), my parents went away on a trip and left him in charge with a list of chores.
Well, I ended up doing most of those and making dinner for us. And when I was done, I walked two blocks to my friend Anne Marie's to go play. Kiki was asleep, so I didn't tell him I was gone (it was like noon).
Kiki received a very angry phone call from Anne Marie's mother, who yelled at him that he needed to be actually watching his 6 year old sister. She also called Mom, who called Kiki to yell at him again. Poor boy cried!
14 years later and when it's just the two of us taking care of a task ... I'm still in charge. He may be my older brother, but sis is the one who gets things done. I love him to death though!
BadCat 3 years ago
I was a teen mom and I went to a school for teen parents. I had just 1, but there were girls there on their 2nd, 3rd and one was having her 4th kid. The audacity one girl had to tell me I was "selfish" for not giving my kid a sibling so could have a playmate. Of course I couldn't see my face but I must have been looking at her like she dropped in from another planet.
Nadia D 3 years ago
My older daughter refused to babysit her brother and first I was pissed, but I am absolutely happy now BOTH of my kids got some childhood, after all it is my job as a parent to take care of them, even if without any support it was rough sometimes...
ThatBiBookLover 3 years ago
My parents would scold me 🤷♀️ “It’s YOUR responsibility to look after your sister! When I was your age, I used to cook, clean, go to the shops, babysit AND get good grades!” Yadayadayada…
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Local foodie 3 years ago
What does that mean? Why would someone have a child just to for spare parts?
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Jackie Reed 3 years ago
Built-in babysitters really start resenting it after a while.Oldest daughter and grandchild and cousin here.I was sick of kids while I was still a kid myself.Never ever dreamed of being a mom.Or a wife,for that matter.Yuck.
AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
I never understand this. We're growing to accept that people who don't want kids, don't want the responsibility of kids, shouldn't have to. It's their right and they shouldn't be forced to or judged for it. Yet people think it's ok to force their older kids to take care of their younger siblings. "It teaches them responsibility." What, for someone elses actions? Being left alone for a few hours when they're older teaches responsibility. Making them watch their younger siblings is just your way of getting free babysitting.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
The number of times my mom would pile on with all of the "I just want ONE favor!" "I just want ONE AFTERNOON to myself!" "I just-" I just don't want my sibling destroying all of my stuff and my room on a daily basis. It's YOUR kid, Mom.
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ThatBiBookLover 3 years ago
I have a sister 9 years younger than me… most of my time is spent babysitting her because my parents work to death - dad has a demanding job as manager, mom works around the house and cooks and cleans. I’m grateful, tho, as otherwise I’d have nothing to do! :D
S&P 3 years ago (edited)
I absolutely hate when parents do this. It is not up to your own children to babysit each other. Do. Your damn. Job!!! My mom would p**n me off as a free babysitter to all her friends both inside and outside work and our relatives (and sadly this is a family of lazy parents all around so that got used a LOT). I'm sure her intention was probably "oh I'm sure this is making her excited for when she has her own kids." but it did the opposite. I *never* want to have kids. I did so much watching after other people's kids to last me over a dozen lifetimes!
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Having a sibling is no bad thing either. I grew up with two brothers and it does help in learning certain social skills. I do not condem parents with a single child, but I am against shaming the parents who choose to have more than one. Having more than one child is NOT a toxic decision, it's a personal decision and no one else's business.
#6
watermelonpizzafries said:
Kid is obviously being bullied on a playground. Adults brush it off as "kids being kids".
Pokabrows replied:
Or if a boy is bullying a girl and they say 'oh he just likes you'. Don't teach kids that people show affection by bullying. That's setting them up for bad relationships.
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
My son was subjected to bullying at school when he was a kid. When he was doing volunteerwork at an elementaryschool he'd walk around the schoolyard and always adressed the children and the situation when he saw this... even when the teachers walking around would brush it of, he'd persevere in trying to bend things around the right way again.
Alexis Dominey 3 years ago
My mom told me to just ignore them unless it gets physical, and in her words "If they start hitting you, you better knock the p**s out of them". Even if I were to get in trouble for fighting she would be proud of me, she didn't want me to be afraid to defend myself.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
"Oh, he's being mean/teasing you/hitting you because he likes you and doesn't know how to show it!" Thanks for setting us up for all sorts of abusive relationships, Mom!
Upstaged75 3 years ago
That's what they used to say when I was a kid (in the 80's) and this one boy threw rocks at me on the playground. (They playground footing was made up of tiny pebbles) It meant he actually had a crush on me. No, it meant he was an obnoxious little s**t and should have gotten in trouble for throwing things at other kids!!
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The Mom 3 years ago
In kindergarten my son was bullied by third graders and the teachers ignored it. So one afternoon one of his bullies was holding him from behind with his arms pinned and he couldn't escape until he threw his head back and busted the kids nose and lip. Guess who got into trouble? Three years later the same son was threatened at knife point in school on the playground. When I reported it the school psychologist said the bully was a good kid and nothing was done to the boy.
Alexis Dominey 3 years ago
My mom always told me to ignore bullies uness it git physical. Never start a fight only end it. The threat at knife point needed to be brought to the police and probably media, school can't ignore it forever.
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Markus It/Its 3 years ago
When I was being bullied it included my bully reporting me doing acts of violence against her that were just straight up lies (every day, for an entire school year). The teacher believed her every single time. Meanwhile my bully was literally throwing bird poop at me with no consequences. Gave in one day and slapped her, it was one of the best feelings of my life. I know her now and I don't harbour any resentment. The people I do harbour resentment for is my teacher (who ignored my side and refused to do anything about the bullying) and my ex-best friend (who gave me lasting trust issues after she turned on me and sided with my bully, after I'd happily let them become friends, because I didn't realise she was a two-faced b***h and would turn on her "best friend").
Lily Francis 3 years ago
I hate to say it but sometimes adults suck! And those aren't friends they're acquaintances and they can really suck too!
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Lara Verne 3 years ago
When I was in elementary school, teachers never tried to stop bullying, because "kids should resolve their problems themselves"
Daniel Starrett 3 years ago
My initial sixth grade teacher (I switched classes shortly after this event) would stand by ready to intervene, but he expected and encouraged the victim to stand up for themselves first if possible. One day, my neighborhood bully (who had a restraining order against him to not be near me, and yet was in the same class) decided to tilt his chair back and block my path; then tell me he was gonna beat the s**t outta me later. Teacher heard and started watching. I had had enough. I swept the kids chair out from under him so he fell and cracked his skull on the concrete floor (minor concussion). Then in a false tone of surprise, asked if he was okay before going to step past him and "tripped" over his stomach, pushing the wind out of him. He left me alone for the most part after that. Then a year or two later, he decided to pull a set of brass knuckles on a younger kid. Didn't see me behind him. I used his head to remove the old porcelain style drinking fountain from the wall.
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MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
I was a mouse in school. I was severely abused at home, and wasn't allowed to have friends in fear of me telling on her. This made me a target for bullies! Plus, having to dress they way she wanted,was ugly, out of date, and kids always laughed at me for It. No One would stop it... In junior high, I was done with it, I fought back, and they started to leave me alone. Today, I fight for the underdog! No holds barred!
Lily Francis 3 years ago
I don't believe in violence because I was extremely and brutally abused and raped so I won't use violence but I know how, I'm trained because I worked with the criminally insane and it was required but I've always been able to talk my way out for the most part, except for my dad. But I started studying psychology when I was 5 years old because it was necessary for my survival and my dad and his family were mentally ill. He was a narcissistic sociopath with a rage disorder and he was brutal and hard to control. Most bullies aren't like that you have to find their weakness because they're afraid and they're hiding it. They have low self esteem.
Lily Francis 3 years ago (edited)
Kids who bully are usually either one or more of these things, being bullied by parents or someone else in their lives, have a parent that's a bully, is being abused, is lonely and doesn't have friends or has self esteem issues. They may also have a personality disorder but usually they need a friend who will stand up to them and talk and accept them for who they are because they're not usually that bullying person inside if you work past what's going on with them. That's what I did as a child because no bully could hurt me any worse than my dad was so I just kept talking and wearing them down until they told me what was wrong and then we found a solution. And I eventually found a solution too because my dad was a bully.
#7
Not letting them date until after high school.
That one backfired on my parents in a big way lol
Edit: ok so I didn't elaborate because I didn't think that many people would be interested hah.
Technically, I wasn't allowed to date until after college. I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends very often during high school, so I would have to pick and choose what events I wanted to ask to attend because they would be angry if I asked too often. The easiest way to deal with this at the time was by lying or sneaking around- sometimes I would say I had an after school club to go to but that was hard because I would always need a ride home and my dad started work right after our school ended.
I ended up dating a guy in high school and since we were never able to go out on actual dates, he would just come over after school and leave before my parents got back for dinner. I did leave the house once in awhile but not very often because I was so paranoid about being caught and because we didn't have a car. So this leads to sex, which I was definitely not ready for or even want at the time (don't worry, it wasn't rape- he did get my consent although he didn't really respect my boundaries but that's not the issue here).
Anyways, I met my current SO in college and we've been dating 6 years but my parents only know about 1 of them sooo yeah.
Moral of the story is restricting me from boyfriends did not stop me from sex, and now I have trust issues with my parents.
BadCat 3 years ago (edited)
The overprotection of teens wanting to date is nauseatingly cringy and not even funny at all. Not to mention the "I got a 68 calibre and a shovel. I doubt anyone will miss you." bit. Knock it off. Girls get it , too, from the bf's mom. "If you get pregnant, you're gonna do a paternity test because no hoe is gonna ruin my son's life."
Strings 3 years ago
Fathers (it always seems to be the fathers) seem to think you can scare a boy into not trying anything. But there's no man in the world who can scare the hormones out of a teenage boy, or keep things from happening if the girl says "You wanna?"
Load More Replies... Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Not dating until after college.... that is absurd. Those aren't kids anymore, they are adults that should decide about that themselves. It's like they're old enough to drink, drive, vote but not old enough to have fun time? Yeah, right... nope!
Lytha Hawkeye 3 years ago
My oldest is 14 almost 15 and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "I don't care if your girlfriend says she's on the pill you will wrap it before you tap it! Got it?!?!" Of course he did the "Oh god mom" but he knows use protection. He knows he's nowhere near being ready to be a parent plus the last thing he'd want is an STI
Taylor Cole 3 years ago
Why the F are you telling your 14 year old to go bang anyways?!
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Alex Andrews 3 years ago
Restricting is something different from advising. I would advise any young person not to get too attached to anyone till their brain finishes developing. So like after 25. But I mean nothing wrong with socializing. Though socializing is different from dating. This sounds more like isolation behavior an abusive parent would engage in. So it isn't exactly representative of all parent's rules.
Josh Lindberg 3 years ago (edited)
Setting strict boundaries unilaterally doesn't work. Your child is just going to rebel and going behind your back. But if include them in the conversation and negotiate boundaries with them they are far more likely to respect those boundaries cause you are respecting them as an individuals.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
In my family we don't date until 16 and don't get serious until after high school graduation. It was never a problem for us. We were taught to be responsible for our actions and to wait until we were old enough for certain activities. We were still allowed to go to the dances and other stuff, we were just taught to be careful and to respect our curfews.
I Am LoKitty Of Meowsgard 3 years ago
I joke with my daughter "no dating until you're married". She thinks I'm lame, but she laughs.
ThatBiBookLover 3 years ago
Not allowed to to date until I’m 17. Told my mum “So I’m allowed to drive a car at 16 but not date till I’m 17?” Yup. But tbf she was forcemarried at 20 so I understand her need to protect me
#8
goldilocks22 said:
My dad, a psychology professor, told me that if my child bit me, I should bite him back.
poorexcuses replied:
My mom hammed it up when we bit her. She would be like "Oh ow~! It hurts!!!! Why did you bite your mommy???" and we were like oh no oh s**t my mom is sad I f****d up. Babies aren't so good at empathy but they do know when mom is upset.
Piorn replied:
It's like raising kittens really. Playtime ends when they use their claws or teeth, sooner or later they'll play nice.
BadCat 3 years ago
I swear this is a cultural thing. My family never does this but there's a certain group of parents I saw brag about biting their bitey kids.
Valdemar 3 years ago
It works though seen it with my wife and daughter when she was a baby with a few teeth. Wife did it lightly but firm, daughter looked startled then wife said no several times and it never happened again.
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Kathleen Schwark/Steppler 3 years ago
Well, my experience was different. My son was a toddler and just kept biting me. I tried everything thing, crying because it hurts, telling him that he hurt me so I didn't want to keep holding right then, yadda yadda. He was so sweet, but he just kept biting me. It was odd because he didn't bite other people, until he bit his younger cousin. So, the next time he bit me I finally gave him a controlled bite right back, and... he never bit me again., or anyone else.
Kitty White 3 years ago
I’m with you 100%! My oldest was the sweetest, giggling-est, most good-natured kid you’d ever want to meet. One time when he was a toddler, we were visiting my family from across the country, he found out that biting (quite hard, too) one of his aunts, uncles, or grandparents got a big reaction from them. He liked that reaction, and then found out that it was greater if it was what you could call ‘a sneak attack.’ He’d be sitting on someone’s lap watching cartoons, and then suddenly chomp down on their arm. I was positive that he didn’t realize that a bite HURTS, despite everyone telling him that it did… I ended up doing exactly what you did- a “controlled bite” is the perfect way to explain it, too. He’d just bitten my forearm. I looked him in the eye, picked up his forearm, and bit the fleshy part. When I saw the surprise register on his face, and that he now understood that biting was painful, I stopped. He never bit anyone after that.
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Benita Valdez 3 years ago
I mean I nibbled my nephew but never because he bit me; he thought it was hilarious that I was trying to eat his fingers. Biting a kid back for biting is like hitting a kid for hitting; hypocritical and usually backfires in the end
Adam L 3 years ago
I "bite" my toddler son(3) to get some belly laughs by only using my lips, no teeth. He hasn't bitten anyone with his teeth in over a year because he learned teeth are not play, they hurt.
Load More Replies... Bérangère 3 years ago
Don't see an issue in this. My mom did it to me and my 3 brothers. We never bited her again. Once my brother bited me, my mother bited him as a punishment. We never hurted each other again. We are all adults, we love each other, and we love our Mom.
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
I used to be a biter as a child, my Mother told my Auntie to bite me back after I bit her and she was like Cujo on my arm ... I did stop biting, but I really hate my Aunt lol
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I've pinched my 2yo back because nothing else worked in getting her to stop pinching my boobs and inner arms with her nails when getting her to sleep. Nothing hard, mind you, but she learned it didn't feel nice. She has a habit of grabbing, pulling, scratching and pinching moles too. Now she is old enough (still 2) that I just tell her it hurts and it stops. We're slowly working through her angry hitting phase...
Brenda 3 years ago
After a certain age, when they should know better, giving them a light touch so they realize how it feels, won't hurt. I'm talking 3,4,5. Son bit a kid at daycare, 4yo, knew better. Other boy had bitten a few others. Son bit him back (no marks) and told the teacher. I get a call. Kids mom is furious. Her kid had no marks; mine had broken skin & teeth marks. Kids dad alsothere, looked at them both, asked what happened. After hearing the story, looks at his son and told him he had been warned about biting and got what he deserved. Both kids were punished by the school (no afternoon recess that day). Director said kid didn't bite after that (but still misbehaved).
Kris Bienkens 3 years ago
I used to bite my brother. Doctor told him to bite back. He did. I stopped biting him.
Lydia P. 3 years ago
I'd say this isn't always toxic. I think other routes to stop biting such as acting really upset to show the kid it isn't okay should always be considered first but I actually had this happen to me as a little kid. When I was like 4 I bit my brothers quite frequently when they did something I didn't like. My mom scolded me a million times but I never listened because I thought "it doesn't hurt when I bite myself, so it must not hurt other people" so one time my mom got really fed up and she said "yeah it doesn't hurt when you do it to yourself but it hurts when other people do it to you!" And I didn't believe her so to prove it she bit me (gently but enough that it got her point across). I never bit my brothers again after that. However, that being said. This was after my mother repeatedly tried other things and was not a first resort. Also I was being so smart about the whole thing that I'm pretty sure I gave her permission to bite me because I was so convinced biting didn't hurt.
Sheila Perri 3 years ago (edited)
It worked for me. 3yr old bit her baby sister, and the 70lb dog, so it was imperative that she learned before the dog taught her. Just saying no and explaining didn't work. I had to do it only once. I asked how it felt, and how she thought it would feel if the dog bit her. Also explained that whatever she did to sister or dog, I would do to her, so she would know how it felt. Great first lessons of empathy and the Golden Rule. She learned to stop and think of the consequences of those impulsive mean actions. Ha ha, she didn't like having her ears pulled, either.
#9
morph023 said:
"Do as I say, not as I do"
biddlyboing replied:
Ah, sounds like what I got told.
"A child is to be seen, not heard"
And by seen, they meant sit there listening in patiently as they talk for hours on end about the local gossip. And get told off for being anti social if I get a phone out or book, or God forbid "hide from them" when I went to the toilet.
The Fabulous Killjoy 3 years ago
Kids start habits by watching their parents. Even if you tell them to not do what you do but listen to the things I tell you. Kids always listen. The pick up on things and learn things through parents.
EpicWolfandSparrow 3 years ago
I literally get in trouble (as a near adult) for talking during an adult conversation, but if I go in another room since I'm bored and can't be part of the conversation I get berated afterwards. My parents suck🙃
Catsplay Harry Holmes 3 years ago (edited)
I'm grown up (21) but my parents are and were s**t.my dad ran away when i was 4. my mother was at risk of suicide and i was always alone. unless a cat is a good parent substitute... because the two were not good role models, I have a lot of stress to adapt and to do something with people.because I'm always afraid that people will hate me, run away or die.
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Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
I never got that.... everyone learns by example and experience, so to just let kids sit there and tell them to shut up while the parents/caregivers have a social time, that's just messed up.
Lytha Hawkeye 3 years ago
And don't say a word to try and join the conversation! Everytime I did I would get in so much trouble! I was supposed to be the perfect little doll
MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
My mom, did this to me until my ADHD kicked in. When we visited family, she would dress me up, and make me sit still, until we Left. I wasn't allowed to play with my cousins either. When the ADHD started running in high gear, she couldn't do it at all, I couldn't sit still to save My Life! she finally let me wear play clothes to go visiting in, and I finally got to play with my cousins. People, ADHD is real! We're not just uncontrollable, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Chemicals are like keys, a different shape for each one. If a key is not the right shape, it won't fit in the key hole correctly. Thus, causing issues- chemical imbalance.
Chani Elkin 3 years ago
So my mom was the 16 month-3 year old local preschool teacher (she was awesome!). For 1-2 years after I graduated high school I actually worked as her assistant. The kids loved us - we were at the local Chabad House (Jewish community center) for a holiday. My dad & his friend were sitting at 2 separate tables amicably shouting their conversation to each other. I notice the friend's kid (one of our students) at the door calling to the mom who is being in charge & doesn't notice (they run the center & there's always a lot of people by holidays). So I go over to him, and go 'Hey what's up? What do you want?' Him: 'Wanna play outside with the other kids.' Me: 'Okay, so let's go over to your mom & ask her. Let's use your 'inside voice' ok?' He looks up at me and says in complete toddler innocence: 'Abba (Daddy) doesn't have to. He always shouts inside so why not me too?' I give some 'Be a big boy & impress Mommy' line hearing the shouting behind me in inner despair. Kids always notice!
Jackie Reed 3 years ago
We didn't have a "be seen but not heard" sort of family",either immediate or extended.If the noise got too loud or the play too crazy we were told to take it outside,that's all.I was the quiet one who preferred to read in a corner,and aside from being asked if I was sure I didn't want to play(with maybe a little,I don't know,sadness?),nobody ever scolded me for being "antisocial" or pestered me into joining in.I feel for anybody who had to deal with the antiquated c**p.
#10
geauxjolie said:
Make your kids give hugs and kisses to show affection to relatives, friends, etc.
BurdenofReflecting replied:
I've always let my son decide who he wants to hug/kiss. He can say no. It teaches him he's allowed to have boundaries.
Pitboyx replied:
Autonomy in general is very important in addition to supporting the decision as long as it's reasonable.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
My nephew is 4 and he went through a phase where he didn't want to hug or kiss anyone but his parents. Made me sad but we never forced the issue and though now I have my hugs and kisses again, we also do little headbutts; lightly tapping heads. We started when he didn't want to hug and he thought it was great; he knows he can only headbutt me without asking first
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
We call those headbonks :D. They're how cats show affection, and how those in our family do as well.
Load More Replies... GayBoi 3 years ago
I wish somebody treated me like this. My dad doesn't understand that I feel uncomfortable when I'm being hugged, and often tells me to "figure it out because that's not normal." And now when I do something my mom doesn't like, she responds with "Watch it, or I'll give you a hug."
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Kids have a great radar as to whom they want to hug and when there is a time for it. It's not that adults go around hugging everyone they know ;)
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Yes on the hugs and kisses, BUT I also think, children should be expected to properly greet and say goodbye to friends and family. Earlier today, we videocalled my parents in law, who are sick with Covid (at home, but they had it bad until a few days ago). My stepdaughter (6), who usually throws kisses at the phone when she sees her grandparents, wouldn't smile or wave at the end, because she "was concentrating on her book"... This feels incredibly wrong to me, because we've had several surprising deaths over the years in our family, and I don't want the last interaction between our children and anyone they love to be so cold...
AnyOtherName 3 years ago
I totally agree with body autonomy but I think some people have taken this too far/misunderstood it. I know a load of kids who won't even say hello and are actually quite offensive and rude ("I don't want to talk to that boring adult") and their parents encourage their 'free spirits' and choosing who they speak to. I get it up to a point but surely teaching kids basic manners/how to socialise is a basic life skill?
Sarah Moeding 3 years ago
I'll say this every time I see this sentiment; my uncle was able to abuse me for 29 years because I was not taught to say no to family members. I was literally 29 years old before I realized I didn't care what the consequences were, he was never going to touch me again. It took another two years for my mother to believe me and start even the bare minimum to protect me. It took my other uncles less than my own mom. Had it been instilled in me that I could say no to hugs, lap sitting, kisses, he wouldn't have been able to touch me inappropriately for all of my first 29 years, let alone the creepy af things he did like take multiple rolls of film of me from across the room every time we saw him. Other adults saw this happen, no one said a word. I'm nearly 44 now, and still unpacking all of this. That uncle is at death's door now, and I am genuinely excited for him to leave the world, in which he has never done anything but harm people.
Samantha Will 3 years ago
As a nanny on eof the first things I talk about with new Families is the fact that I won't hug the kids unless it is their idea. Even when I really want to make it all better. It is their body and they are in charge of who touches them and that includes hugging. After a couple of years with my current family the 9yo hugged me one day. I was so excited.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is exactly how I ended up being sexually abused by multiple family members. Not only was I made to hug and kiss older relatives/adults even if I didn't want to, I was chastised for making said adults "feel bad" if I didn't. I learned early on that my comfort and bodily autonomy did not exist, and that someone saying "That hurts my/their feelings" was as easy way to manipulate and abuse me.
#11
waldo06 said:
Let your toddler play with your phone to calm them down.
sfasancy replied:
My 2 yr old niece was playing with my brothers phone and ended up on Instagram liking dudes pics.
BadCat 3 years ago
LOL Teaches them right. Whatever happened to giving kids books and constructive toys?
Victoria Anderson 3 years ago
Books get the kid to start thinking for himself instead of how Mommy and Daddy want him to think. Toys are too messy and dangerous, someone could step on them! Total BS.
Load More Replies... Andie 3 years ago (edited)
I have said this before on here. I had a student in Kindergarten, who was absolutely SHOCKED I wouldn't give her my phone to play games on. "But I'm BORED!". "There are the books, there are the puzzles, or you can color. You can not have my phone". (Phone wasn't out, she just asked if I had one, and kids ask all sorts of questions, so I didn't see where this was going).
ThisIsMe 3 years ago
I HATE the "play with the phone" thing. I didn't have children, but there is a regular gathering with several friends who also bring their kids. Their kids are constantly nagging me to play with my phone. No amount of "no" and "this is a work phone, not just a personal phone" makes them stop whining about it. They act like I'm a bad person for not letting them play with my phone.
StankleBerry 3 years ago
Best thing I ever saw except what happened afterwards. Kid on the bus was having a tantrum because his mother was ignoring him and all he wanted was some attention. She gave him her phone. Kid launched this phone down the bus. I wanted to applaud the kid. This witch of a mother smacked him. I wanted to punch her. “That cost a lot of money!” I wanted to shout at her “sure because he understands the value of money at 2!”
Irishwoman abroad 3 years ago
Yeah, like the time I saw a mother scolding her toddler for jumping in a puddle wearing his new shoes, because "those cost 2,000 pesetas!" (it was a very long time ago). The kid was just looking at her, not understanding a thing. At least she didn't smack him, but it was a complete waste of breath, lol
Load More Replies... Ozzie Ogawa 3 years ago
This is what i hate from most parents nowadays, they just hand their kids (even as young as 1 year old) gadget without supervision. I know raising kids while working are not easy, but if you are not willing to at least making an effort to raise your kids properly why bother having kids in the first place?
Tina Crist 3 years ago
Its kind of shocking to me you guys think that someones a bad parent for giving thair child technology... When it is going to be more a part of their world then it was ours growing up. I believe there needs to be supervision and boundaries, but it doesn't make someone a bad parent to let our children play with something that is inevitably going to be a part of life. Were so quick to judge but most people are just doing their best.
Load More Replies... Adam L 3 years ago
My toddler has his own tablet, he doesn't bug us for our phones. Now, before people get angry at me, it is a Kindle with learning apps on it and his intelligence has been helped by it. He also himself puts it down to play with actual toys after 5-10 minutes of screen time. One of his favorite apps teaches him letters and shapes, and he definitely let's us know about them, just in case we forgot them lol
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
I see nothing wrong with this. My niece wanted her own computer when she was a toddler (she said it as "puter") because her dad had one and used it for his online classes. Back then there weren't any kindles or actual computers made for kids, but they got her a sort of kids tablet that just had learning programs in it. She loved it and it helped her grow as a little person.
Load More Replies... Kata H 3 years ago
Sometimes I had to give my kids my phone (with playing apps downloaded especially for them) when we were out in public after all the other things failed to calm them down (playing with them, books, snacks etc) and we couldn't go home immediately, because I had no choice. Believe me, no one wants to hear a kids tantrum for a 15 minutes long bus travel because my kids were so tired. Just think about all the childless people, who complain about a child crying in public or in the planes all the time. Because people are not understanding of little kids and their issues with emotions control, parents sometimes must resort to these things. And yeah, I know it is our job to teach them to controll their emotions, but that's not how it works. So if all the other people on the planes, restraurants, buses etc. would be more understanding with children, that would help us a lot. (once again, I tried to control my kids tantrum with other things first) At this point it seems whatever we do, is bad...
Jean Conlon 3 years ago
Oh no just know too many people of EVERY AGE have lost any ability to properly communicate and dehumanizes them. Increased online bullying leading to deaths. Makes hard to literally pull selves away from their devices.
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
I've let my kids play with mine but when I want it they give it right back . That being said it's rare I let them use it . They don't bother me much . My mom on the other hand gives my son hers and of she says no , it's a tantrum .
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
A lot of the older UK House phones used to have a little raised bump on the number 9 so that you could call Emergency Services in the dark. We had to change our phone after our 2 year old daughter at that time used to constantly phone the Police :D It's not good to let a child play with a phone lol
IamMe 3 years ago
Old cell phones with no service , can still call emergency numbers, too. My brother found out, after giving his to his 4 y.o.daughter to play games.
Load More Replies... #12
ninjanikki91 said:
Constantly tell your kids they're the smartest kids ever.
robbythompsonsglove replied:
F**k, this is the worst. My 9yo is struggling because we were so nice to her and so impressed with her intelligence. 3 siblings later, and any day without being the smartest and best becomes a problem.
S Mi 3 years ago
Check out growth mindset. Praise kids for learning (and not always succeeding), rather than intelligence
- 3 years ago
It sounds like a way to teach resilience and realistic thinking.
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Remi (He/Him) 3 years ago
Being told how smart and special you are also leads to kids who are afraid of failure, because then they might not be viewed as smart anymore. End result is a kid and later an adult who's doesn't dare to try to do things that seem difficult and thus underachieving badly.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
It goes futher than that. That kid identifies as the smartest - with friends, family, in school, then with their own family. It LITERALLY becomes their identity. You end up with an adult who is obnoxious, already knows everything, won't discuss anything and is generally just a bully. Brains, like beauty, aren't everything.
Christina Hill 3 years ago
As the "smart kid" in my family it definitely added to my anxiety, felt like if i wasn't getting good grades i was a failure. Still, 15+ yrs later sometimes feel bad i didn't finish college, because i was the smartest and needed to go, do, be great.
Load More Replies... Cathy Hurd 3 years ago (edited)
That was my mother-in-law, my husband and his brother still think they're gods.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
I had one of these, too. Mommy told him constantly how talented and brilliant and handsome and special he was. So did I. It wasn't long before he was constantly telling ME how talented and brilliant and handsome and special he was, and he really expected to walk out of high school and become famous. I still remember him musing once "If I don't become a singer, I can always go into acting." He had zero interest or experience in acting, but sure, "special" therefore "famous"! More like "entitled a*****e" who threw massive strops whenever things didn't go his way. Nothing like someone completely lacking in empathy screaming at you to "put yourself in my shoes for a change!" because he... didn't like the grade he got on an essay he put no effort into. Diddums.
Load More Replies... Jackie Reed 3 years ago
I felt I always had to have the answers.The correct answers.I was "the smart one".It can make you insufferable,but there was a lot of anxiety underneath.AFRAID of being wrong.I'm sure that wasn't what family intended,but that's how it affected me.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Loss aversion. It makes kids afraid to try anything new or difficult, because failure would mean that they're not the smartest. Praise hard work. Not just 'trying' - participation trophies devalue success. Working hard, persevering, trying new ways to solve something, trying again after failing the first time. These are things you praise to encourage them to challenge themselves and keep learning.
Kyl Glan 3 years ago
Why can't they be told they're the smartest and praised for persevering. I think I turned out just fine and i don't really have a problem with failure, and I think everybody should have this view, you haven't really failed until you're dead.
Load More Replies... Markus It/Its 3 years ago
If I'm gonna be honest, I don't like being called smart. I think it led to the problem I have now. Being called smart is not enough, if the reward for improvement is physical. I like praise, sure, but watching people get rewards of chocolate (for example) for achieving 3 grades above their target (which is impressive yes) when that's not even possible for me feels like a kick in the stomach
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
You're on to something here. I was often dismissed or had my own issues minimized by my mom because "You're smart enough to ____." We need reinforcement and positive feedback too, dammit!
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Ashley Jernigan 3 years ago
Praise them for their efforts and always recognize when they've shown intelligence, but do not give them a complex. Too much of it and they won't be able to fail ever without hating themselves.
#13
[deleted] said:
Keep your kids super clean and away from potential allergens.
StuntGunman replied:
If your children don't come in contact with germs they won't have any immunities to them! So many kids my daughter plays with are obsessed with hand sanitizer and so have to keep explaining to her that it's bad for her to use.
[deleted] replied:
We never use hand sanitizer at home so whenever we go to the hospital or doctors office my oldest hits up every single dispenser. Every. Single. One. Even if they are only 10 feet apart and we pass 20 of them on the way to wherever we are going.
It's the only time I don't mind him overdosing on sanitizer.
BadCat 3 years ago
I used to eat gummies I found on the school ground when I was in Grade 2. Gross, I know. But I didn't think about germs and all that. To me, as long as it looked okay and no hairs and stones it was just fine to me. Never got sick from it.
- 3 years ago
Popcorn on the ground for me and another girl at the same age. :)
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BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
So many people have told me to get rid of my pets because they are dirty or my kids will get: sick, asthma, allergies, appendicitis. My kids also rarely get sick with more than mild congestion or a runny nose.
Justin Kantner 2 years ago
it's actually the opposite. having pets have been shown to reduce the chance of getting asthma and potentially allergies too, depending on what kind.
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AwesomeLeoWife 3 years ago
Yes I do tell my son and any visiting friends/family to stay away from allergens….as my son has a life threatening peanut allergy. Sometimes this “toxic parenting” isn’t actually toxic. Blanket statements like the title of this article are not true. Shocking.
Trizia Norris 3 years ago
My mother was a firm believer in the healthiness of "good clean dirt"
Jackie Reed 3 years ago
I grew up drinking from the hose,eating stuffing that had been in the turkey,and eating cookie dough,brownie and cake batter.As did every kid in my family at that time,and my friends as well.We didn't overwash our hands,weren't preceded or trailed by parents and grandparents wiping down every surface we touched or might touch.I got the occasional cold.Chickenpox.Mumps.Things that are normal for kids to get.That's all.I'll be 60 next year.I still eat chocolate chip cookie dough,cake and brownie batter,btw.Just not as much cookie dough,as the sweetness and richness get to me more quickly than they did when I was a kid.
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
We're did too! There's an acceptable amount of clean dirt that a healthy child can handle without a problem, and our parents just made sure that we washed before dinner and at bath time. I also brought home all of the usual childhood ailments from school since i was the oldest, and we got through them all without an issue. We were all healthy and happy, and grew up just fine.
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Ducky McBurger 3 years ago
A little dirt never killed no one a lot probably has but a little no
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Same excuse people give for not having pets because of germs. EVERYTHING ms, FFS, and exposure in small amounts builds resistance—-unless the child has a severe medical condition that’s exacerbated by exposure. It’s also just a damn shame to,keep,kids from having a cat or dog to play with and cuddle, ffs. Even a hamster, Guinea pig, or fish is better then nothing! Pets also teach kids about unconditional love, about how to take care of others (feeding, walking, cleaning up after), and about life and death. It prepares them for the time when they old enough to expert the same things with humans.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
It depends on the type of germs or allergens. Playing in the dirt is one thing, allowing them to play in animal dung is quite another. Also it depends on your child's specific allergies and the severity of thier reaction to them. My family is allergic to pollen, but thats inescapable so we don't fuss about it. I am also highly allergic to avocados and latex which I must avoid. Several members of my family are allergic to penicillin. So generally it depends on the severity of the allergy. While obsessively clean is not healthy neither is total filth, you have to have a balance on that one. I'm fine with my kids playing in the mud, but I don't send them to bed covered in it. I don't mind wading in a small stream, but I draw the line at the water treatment lakes, where the ducks love to swim.
#14
wepwepwepwe said:
All of the authoritarian parenting advice out there. Be strict, use time-outs or spanking or whatever at the slightest provocation, don't let your kids have any freedom or privacy, "my house my rules" and so on.
Mulanisabamf replied:
I heard "my house my rules" until I left the parental house at 20.
I still have trouble communicating and setting boundaries, especially with people I think are authority-like.
[deleted] replied:
I know exactly what you mean. My parents demanded instant, unquestioning obedience as long as I lived under their roof. Failing that, I was yelled at to go to my room, "stop talking foolish talk", or stand in the corner (this until I was 17 or 18) Today I can't approach my boss without thinking I'm saying something stupid, doing my job badly or worse, "being disrespectful".
I realize this is probably mild in comparison to some people's experience, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
BadCat 3 years ago
It's never just "my house, my rules". It becomes "I made you, so you're my kid and I own you." My mom would never say 90% of the s**t she shames me about my home to her friends about their homes.
Cathy Hurd 3 years ago (edited)
My mother-in-law once asked me if my 30 year old daughter, her step-granddaughter, was 'promiscuous' (her way of asking if she's a s**t). My daughter was getting divorced (he cheated and had a child with this person) my daughter had reconnected with an old boyfriend. The old lady wouldn't even think of asking her other daughter-in-law such a question. I could kick myself for not walking out when she asked me that. Side note, my daughter and her husband are back together and she treats his affair daughter as if she's her own child. Shes now 9. She's another granddaughter to my husband and I. (Not her fault her biological parents are morons)
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Cheyanne Pavan 3 years ago
Being made to stand in the corner at ages 17-18 is not mild and never appropriate. Neither is the other stuff stuff they did to you. It's heartbreaking that being treated poorly by parents (as I was by my mom) has such pervasive lifelong effects. I recently saw something to the effect of, "When you criticize your child nonstop, they don't end up hating you. They end up hating themselves."
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I just had to unsubscribe from a historical channel on YouTube because it had turned into nothing but Boomers bragging about "When I was a kid, we RESPECTED our parents, because if we didn't, we got a whoopin'!" and it turned into the whole thing about how awesome it is for adults to hit children. I really wanted to ask them how many of them have LC/NC with their kids today because of this abusive b******t. HITTING KIDS BREAKS THEIR BRAINS. If you cannot earn respect without hitting a child or making them fear you, you suck.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
I spanked my daughter a few times. I would tell her why she needs to stop what she's doing, slowly and loudly begin counting to three, and swat her three times on the butt with my hand. No sticks or belts or wooden spoons, but if she was not going to listen (for example, during the one screaming fit at a store when i wouldn't buy a toy she wanted), the counting was a chance for her to listen. I only had to spank her a few times. After that, i'd maybe get to two. Then we'd talk about why what she was doing was wrong or dangerous. She's 22 now and we talk every day that work and sleep schedual allow. She's never in trouble because she actually thinks about consequences.
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Autumn Artemis 3 years ago
“My house, my rules” until one day your kid has their own house and you don’t like their rules…
Wicked Moon216 3 years ago
I'm so sorry that you were raised this way!! My daughters are 20 & 23, and I've always treated them with the respect that I want. I've never had any problems at all with them. They literally tell me every tiny thing that is going on in their lives. They share everything with me because they know I will never belittle them or shame them in any way. They have have always been kind and thoughtful to me and everyone they meet. I am SO proud of the women they have become!! I hope you know in your heart that NONE of the things your parents said about you were true. It's very hard to 'unlearn' those patterns, but you can do it! I had horrible parents as well that were extremely emotionally abusive, but it made me more determined to be a better parent than what I had. Doing daily positive affirmations sounds dumb, but I swear it worked for me! I have a few written on index cards next to my bed and I read them every single day!! I'm sending you so much positive energy and love!!
Ashley Jernigan 3 years ago
My daughter struggles with this because her father and his girlfriend are that way. They have actually said "we're adults, we get respect without giving it." Horrible.
Sarah E 3 years ago
I was not raised that way. We had clear, reasonable rules, and appropriate, well enforced consequences for breaking them, but we also had a say in what the rules and consequences would be. If we thought a rule or punishment was unfair we were allowed to present our case, and if we made a good argument, it would be changed. My sister and I never got into any real trouble growing up, and we learned how to advocate for ourselves.
Never Jeleniewicz 3 years ago
My grandma used to babysit my sister a lot. She was always strict, always needed s**t to be exactly as she wanted, she even trained my grandpa this way. So one day sister was dropped off at gran's house and gran was yelling at my sister for being disobedient and said something along the lines of "it's my house and my rules!". Then around a couple weeks passed, gran came to us to babysit her again and got mad at something and my sister (probably around 3 at the time) looked her dead in the eyes and said "it's my house and my rules!". And what's better, my mum applauded my sister, because grandma's bossiness was annoying my mum way before we were born
Ginafer Hoskinson 3 years ago
My mom would say, ‘I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!’ 🙄 Psycho!!
#15
[deleted] said:
My mom always says this one: "When you have kids, lie to them. Lie through your teeth".
No Mom, no.
koolbloo replied:
When I was in elementary school I asked mom one day why she sometimes used pads and tampons. Without a second thought she told me that she used them because "she couldn't hold her pee sometimes."
Let me remind you that this happened wayyyy after my potty training.
She realized that she really shouldn't have lied to me when she found out that I was using her pads in order not to pee on myself (I think I thought "if mommy couldn't hold it as a grown up how the hell am I supposed to hold it as a child?"). Also because she purchased perfumed pads, I put some of them in my drawers because come on, they smelled nice. So before mom ran out of her pad stock, she decided to talk to me about why she really used them.
Aaron Matye 3 years ago
Honestly though, your not wrong. But some of it really does have to do with poor retention/attention, or education in school 😅
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LangiStudios 3 years ago
I once walked in on my mum changing her pad when I was 4 and I thought she cut herelf on her privates (and the pad was a special band-aid; please bear with me, I was 4). She told me that every month she ends up with extra blood that her body didn't need and that the pad was there to catch it. Looking back, that was a simple and honest-enough way to explain periods for a pre-schooler.
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
There is a grey area between telling a lie and telling the truth. Sometimes the truth isn't for that exact moment but there is no reason to lie about it if a question is asked. Everyone has that sometimes in their life that they need to process something before explaning the facts that happened.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
So, y'all get to use the bathroom in private despite having children, or what? One of my twins (18mo) always wants to sit on my lap when I'm on the toilet (I don't let her). If I'm not quick enough, they will both grab my used pads right from my panties. I'm just glad they can't open the bin. My stepdaughter (6) doesn't respect bathroom privacy either (although SHE wants to be left alone when she's doing her business). I've had to explain tampons, pads, and even after-birth-adult-diapers to her - hopefully age-appropriately. She's also seen my whole pregnancy, my stretch marks and my C-section scar, and knows that her sisters were cut out of me by a doctor, even though her baby/birth book explains birth differently. Honestly, lies would be too much work for me...
Helen Borg 3 years ago
I am mom to three boys. My period was as normal to them as their taking a dump was for them. Now they're grown, their female friends find their attitude toward periods, refreshing. Its no big deal for them .
ADHD McChick 3 years ago (edited)
I'm a mom of "only" one, lol, but same. And thats how it SHOULD be. Because a period IS as normal as taking a dump. Too many people, though, treat menstruation as something embarrassing, gross, or shameful. I think that is both sad, and, in some cases, infuriating.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
Sometimes it's appropriate to tell a kid "That's something private you don't get to know." or "It's an adult thing you don't need to know about yet." You aren't required to tell them the full truth about everything.
Julianne Hannes 3 years ago
Also you have to lie/omit info/change subject when you are not their parent
Load More Replies... #16
When your kids achieve something great or good just tell them it ain't s**t. That way it gets them to do even better the next time!!!
... And then later in life they get to have all kinds of f****d up complexes like myself. Unable to relax with out feeling like s**t.
Bec 3 years ago
Or even if they are just excited about something, be respectful of their interest.
King Misery 3 years ago
THIS I'm in hs and I actually related to this my whole life. My mom has always belittled my interests growing up only until it gave her something to brag about. To the point where she pushes me to do things the can brag about and discourages me from doing things that she can't brag about.
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Karen B 3 years ago
My brother got "bonuses for good grades. I didn't. My moms explanation. "You always get good grades, you don't need the reward". Result, I slacked didn't want to put in the effort. Could have gone much further and have severe performance anxiety.
rhubarb 3 years ago
My parents did this, too. I'm glad you didn't get to anxiety.
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Steve Ramaekers 3 years ago
This is mislabeled. This isn’t negative reinforcement it’s punishment.
Leeca Aldrich 3 years ago
This is something I did when my son was in grade school. He started acting up in school, being the class clown. His grades plummeted. I took him out to lunch by a gas station. Told him if he kept it up, he could aspire to be a gas station attendant one day. Also told him there's nothing wrong with that, but I thought he would be really bored. Turned out he was really bored in school. He's very bright, and "catches on" quickly. His old teacher had realized this and had him tutoring other kids who didn't learn as quickly. But, he had a new teacher mid-year, and he hated get. She was very dogmatic. I met her & I couldn't stand her, either. Things worked out well after I went to the school administration. But, if I hadn't had that "negative" conversation with my son, I wouldn't have known what the problem was. And, he probably would have gone on to be a really bright underachiever, maybe evena dropout.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
All I heard from my stepfathers was that I was an irresponsible loser who would never amount to anything, how I was a drain on my family, a b***h, and "couldn't hack it in the real world." How I made it to adulthood without killing myself is a mystery.
Mikayla Ebermill 3 years ago
I tell my kids their art is cool even if I can't tell what it is. If a sibling points out that it's not that great I simply state that it's not the quality of the art that counts. It's the use of a beautiful and unique imagination with all of them show much of so far. If they want to improve a skill we'll support it but allowing their minds to be free to create even if the expression method isn't an amazing piece of work is important for their mental health. We want to encourage them to use their minds however they work.
Tiffany Head 3 years ago
I mean you can tell someone the truth about something without going into overly descriptive details. Like the tampon thing, I'd said something like 'well there comes a certain time in a girl's life that they start getting boo boos in their private areas and these help heal them'... maybe not the best example but, ya know, you can get creative with it really.
Josh Lindberg 3 years ago
Yep eventually they will stop trying to impress them and they will simply just resent you.
Amber Tatnall 3 years ago (edited)
Just saying ... That's not negative reinforcement. Lol I don't think anyone pays attention in their introductory psychology classes
#17
If you ignore them they will leave you alone. Whoever made up this advice originally is stupid. This hardly works on adults let alone children who still don't understand the 'too far' line when joking/teasing.
BadCat 3 years ago
My mom used to do this to me and it was so frustrating because I really wanted to spend time with her but she wanted to be on the phone for 2 hours, and then she would get mad at me for making a lot of noise crying and shouting.
Cat Palmer 3 years ago
I got told this so often as a child. It didn't stop anyone bullying me, and just allowed the bullies to pretend they thought I liked what they were doing because I never fought back.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Exactly. A decade of relentless bullying, and we were told to just sit there and take it. Being trained to never respond to those who're harming you is not a healthy message.
Load More Replies... Philler Space 3 years ago
It's non-advise, like "everything happens for a reason" or "things get better." It's something to say when you don't have a real solution and you're too emotionally stunted to just empathize.
Ruth Hempsey 3 years ago
I've never ever heard this in my 77 years in regard to children. Is that really a thing? Or is it an extension of the "let them cry it out" as babies advice which is absolute crapola and does not work except to make an unhappy baby hysterical.
Laurie Valencia 3 years ago
This is about ignoring bullies. It says it pretty clearly. Not sure how so many are thinking it meant to ignore your kids.
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Deborah Cash 3 years ago (edited)
My mother said this to me. It never worked. I had my first child, we moved to another state for husband’s job, then two more kids. Mom was only able to visit from time to time. The kids and grandkids and I came back to home after husband died and our state had gone into a recession and we all lost our jobs. Oldest grandchild was lamenting one evening that she was being bothered at school, Mom was there, too and told her to ignore. Boy, I jumped on that. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was wrong, and she had been wrong 40 years ago, too.
Julianne Hannes 3 years ago
Silent treatment is abuse and helps develop psychological issues when they begin to feel they must act out for attention, being neglected and given silent treatment creates loud personalities who constantly needs active reassurance and enthused responses and requires neverending undivided attention or they act out in dangerous ways that are destructive, it's believed personality dissorders are formed by parental neglect without engaging responses
Laurie Valencia 3 years ago
Read it again, it's about ignoring teasing and bullying.
Load More Replies... MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
Leaving a kid alone, just tells it, there's no help, and no real love. I know, sometimes it's attention seeking, but there's usually an underlying problem that needs to be addressed.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
There is no such thing as ignoring a child, asking them to wait thier turn is fine, but ignoring them is like dropping a treat in front of a dog and expecting the dog not to eat it, never works....ever.
#18
Lying to your kids to explain difficult things.
I get that in some situations, like if someone [chooses to end their lives], telling an alternative story may be a good idea. But for 99% of situations or questions a kid asks, a parent should respond factually.
Edit: By alternative story I don't mean lying. I'm talking about simplifying words and concepts to explain the idea, not outright fabricating or denying events.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
The whole "you're too young for that" argument for making things up to change the subject doesn't sit well for me. Explain it like it is, if they're too young [immature] to comprehend, they'll just blink at you and change the subject themselves.
Sunni Keister 3 years ago
This comment leads me to believe you may not have kids. In some situations, you would be correct. But you also can't "explain it like it is" when it's something like sexual predation to a small child who doesn't (and shouldn't) fully understand sex itself
Load More Replies... The Fabulous Killjoy 3 years ago
I’m my high school we do ALICE training which is school shooter training. They don’t explain to the kids what is going on, they tell them it’s a game. The guy behind the door is a wolf and they are sheep. They don’t want to be eaten by the wolf so they need to barricade the door and hide. Yes things need to be explained but sometimes they don’t understand. It’s heart breaking but true.
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
Kids are people, too, and the way they learn is by asking questions that you might think they're "too young" to know the answer to, but the best thing you can do for them is tell them the facts. "Truth" is open for interpretation, but facts are hard data. Don't turn your kids into the girl from the hospital waiting room scene from Addams Family Values when they ask where babies come from. Don't tell them that their family member that committed suicide didn't love them enough (or whatever). If they're old enough to wonder why they can't wear certain clothes to school (too skimpy or similar), they're old enough for the Birds&Bees speech, but don't flower it up. Be straight with them. They might not fully understand it at the time, but they'll appreciate it when they're older, and they'll be more honest and open with you when you need/want them to be.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
I love Wednesday's response to that girl's speech XD.
Load More Replies... JMil 3 years ago
Oh my. I'm getting hit with some irony/hypocrisy from BP censorship right now.... Doesn't the "s" word usually get censored? How dare you upset us like that! Treat us like children for eff's sake!
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
They're letting us choose alternative facts :D
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Sarah Bell 3 years ago
I always just tell my kids that it's an adult thing that they aren't ready for and as soon as they are old enough we can talk about it
AwesomeLeoWife 3 years ago
I use the same approach and kids are actually smart enough to understand this. Sometimes I wonder if my son keeps a mental list of things to come back to me with later (this would totally match his personality). Lol
Load More Replies... Sunni Keister 3 years ago
One of the best analogies I ever heard I believe was in Elie Weisel's "Night". Essentially, some knowledge is like a heavy suitcase. A child may be to small to carry it, so the parent carries it for them until they are ready. I have always used that to kindly explain to my children why I would not answer certain questions (yet). No need to fabricate a thing. Just tell them the truth that they are not ready for it and that, when they are, you will share it with them. Don't underestimate their intelligence.
Maria Frazee 3 years ago
I work with kids (I coach gymnastics) and one day while we were waiting for the rest of the kids to line up from going to the bathroom and drinking water, this kid asks me " why is there a cut on your arm?" (I went through a really tough time and self harmed) and I was like "well I was really sad one day and hurt myself" kid:" oh but why?" Why were you sad?" Me: "I was sad cause of what's happening to me back then" kid: " oh ok, are you sad now?" Me: "no, I'm very happy right now! :)" kid: that's good I'm glad! :)"
Holly Lewis 3 years ago
So how do I tell my 9 yr old that her dad used to rape and beat me before I left him but he's very much still apart of her life? I keep telling her it's a complicated situation and I will explain it to her when she's a teenager and understands more, but I don't want to traumatize her by telling her it too soon but also don't want to keep evading it from her conversations, or make her think differently of her already (only sees for holidays or birthdays) absent dad?
Sarah E 3 years ago
I would say something along the lines of sometimes her dad gets really angry, and when he does, he has a really hard time controlling that anger, and because he can't control it, he sometimes hurts the people around him. Unless she was an infant when you left her father, I'm sure she already has an inkling of what was going on. It's better to have the conversation than to keep avoiding it.
Load More Replies... MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
Or, like my parents did. Up until I was 15, they told me; you're to young to feel, or to hurt. We feel for you! We hurt for you! Considering, how badly I was abused, they didn't even have feelings of their own.
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
Give children just enough information based on their age and comprehension. That's all they want and need. As they get older you can go into more specific details. Lying outright can lead to confusion and sometimes fear.
#19
EnchantedOcelot said:
Your child can never do wrong. Something else must be the problem.
MegasusPegasus replied:
This is very true, but so is it's inversion.
Some parents never trust their kid telling them something is wrong. From something as minor as an unfair teacher to as severe as being uncomfortable with someone who turns out to be a molester, a lot of parents just don't trust their kids at all.
Cosmic_Cowboy2 replied:
I feel like this was me, and I honestly have no idea how much of it was just default mistrust and how much of it I actually earned.
Either way, when I was 16 I was fired from my awesome summer job over a complete misunderstanding (manager offered me my job back later, bunch of people quit over it anyway). I cried after it happened, and luckily a bunch of my coworkers sat me down to talk it out. My dad, on the other hand, didn't so much as let me speak up in my own defense when he came to pick me up. He just assumed I was a horrible employee, and we drove home in one of the most tensely silent car rides of my life.
I have some self-esteem problems, as you might guess.
Wicked Moon216 3 years ago
Your dad SUCKS!!! I had parents like that too. You can ask them to be supportive and to believe in you. Do it at a time when everyone is calm, and just say "it really hurts me that as you being my parents that you don't believe in me. I need you to believe in me". It might work, it might not. If they start getting mad and yelling at you, just say "fine. I was just trying to be an adult and trying to communicate my needs and have a conversation. When you are ready to have calm discussion about this, come talk to me." And just drop it from there. That way you have opened the door and let them know you are hurt, and what your needs are, and that you are willing to have a discussion about it. This is how you create boundaries with people. I have self esteem issues as well, and it has taken me MANY years to learn this, and it had helped my self esteem A LOT. You have to learn how to speak up and let your needs be known (always in a calm way). Then u know where u stand. Wishing u luck!!
Ashley Jernigan 3 years ago
Didn't work for my daughter with her father or his girlfriend. She has some very deep rooted issues because of them.
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Seth DeMarteau 3 years ago
One time I was waiting in the car circle to pick up my baby sister from elementary school (the fact that I was a more attentive parent as a teenager than they were is a whole other post) and one of my mom's friends was in front of me. Well her daughter gets there first and she goes to leave but she misjudged the space she had and backed into me. It was just a tap, no damage, not a big deal, but she apologized since it could not possibly have been my fault - she was the only one moving. To this day my parents bring up "that time you hit Ilene" when they want to bring me down a peg and it drives me crazy. It's such a nonissue that I'd look ridiculous fighting back but it's infuriating that they'd rather blame me when even their friend has said that's not what happened.
Teresa Rutledge 3 years ago
My father had no illusions about my brother or myself. If he believed we were right he would back us to hell and beyond, but if we were in the wrong he would be the first to mete out discipline.
Upstaged75 3 years ago (edited)
So many parents are willing to defend their child or not believe the truth, even when another adult is telling them something about their kid. I ran a learning pod during the pandemic, where I helped a group of (young) grade school kids navigate online school. One of the students started off great but eventually developed behavioral issues and started being rude and defiant with me. The parents kept blowing me off when I tried to discuss it, because the kid "had perfect grades and was never any trouble". It ended in an incident where the kid shouted at me and refused to do something I asked. At that point I'd had enough and told the parents that they needed to talk to the kid and have them apologize to me. Rather than find out what was upsetting their kid (I truly believe they were acting out for a reason that had nothing to do with school) they blamed me (for what I don't know!) and withdrew from our pod. I feel sorry for that child. :( Adulthood is going to be rough for them......
MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
I'm sorry, you were treated that way... My parents, were the same way. My Brother, as my mom would say; The sun, set, and rose on her beautiful boy! Me- she's the black sheep, she doesn't deserve to be treated good. When, in actually, he was horrible! Stole cars, did drugs, and drank! Even, when I was little, I took all of his spankings! He was an emotional asthmatic, and she used it against me. I can't spank him, because he'll have an asthma attack, and I'm mad, so I'll take it out on you! Never, praised for anything, and told, you'll Never be as good as him, or amount to anything! After, I left home at 15, I was able to be myself. At 17, I moved from Florida, to Denver, Colorado. Best move I ever made! Being that far away, I wasn't in fear if running across them. Today, my brother, weedeats, and cuts trees for people. I got two college degrees, and became a child advocate, and forensic interviewer. Before this, I had my own cleaning service. My heart goes out to you! Prayers!
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
It's okay to praise your kids when they do something good, but you should not raise them to think they are perfect either. While you should not be overly critical of your children you shouldn't be too afraid to let them know when they have done wrong. (Teaching them not to hit others just because they are mad or someone said something they didn't like, but letting them know when it's okay to defend themselves being one example.) Parenting is a very fine balancing act.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago (edited)
THIS. I had a best friend, from the time I was 15 til the time I was 35. We were like sisters. But all that changed, when she had a baby. She gave him everything he ever asked for, hand over fist-everything, that is, except discipline-and she always had to make sure he had bigger & better stuff than everyone else (it was seriously like a competition to her). She literally let her child make all the decisions, and run her life. This child could do no wrong, & was "a natural" at everything he did, in her eyes. She treated him as if he was the most important person in the whole world, no matter what, and she expected everyone else to do the same. His wants and preferences were catered to, to the exclusion of everyone else-including her. And woe to anyone (teacher, coach, etc) who tried to correct him, or speak to her about the situation. As a result, this child: was defiant, didn't care what anyone said, and wouldn't follow any rules, was very selfish, refused to share, was totally entitled, and bullied other kids, because he'd never been taught to play fair, or share, or even compromise. 1/6
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Araminta 3 years ago
I don't care what kind of day anyone is having; they don't have the right to yell to take it out on other people. that's being a bully. Work retail for a bit and try to say that everyone is "having a bad day" It's an adults responsibility to act civil.
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#20
It doesn't matter how miserable and toxic your marriage becomes, you need to stay with your partner to keep the family together.
Edit: I'm surprised and a bit disheartened to see how many people relate to this. One of my good friends grew up with a controlling, abusive father and parents didn't divorce until the oldest kid went to college. Her mother stuck it out because she was raised to think that a "together family" would leave her kids better off (she's since apologized to her children many times for this, but my friend is acceptable the apology very readily)
My parents have had serious marriage problems since I was in 4th grade and my father has been emotionally abusing my mother and my siblings and I for a very long time. At this point I just want them to get it over with and my father to work on his problems or get the f**k out of our lives. It was a significant factor in me developing depression and becoming suicidal at multiple points in my life.
IamMe 3 years ago
I grew up with a mother who was very much like a certain Aqua Man actress who's dog steps on bee's. Mentally and physically abusive to both us kids and my father, but oh,so innocent and holier than thou, in public. We told our teachers, but they didn't believe our "sweet" mother would do that. We told the psychiatrist the school sent us to, because they thought we made stuff up. We told the DCF workers who were called in when we started fighting back. She convinced them we were just bad kids. I begged my dad from the time I was in elementary school, to leave her and take us with him. He was one of those, convinced that we needed two parents, so we were stuck living like that until SHE finally left US, when I was a teenager. She went all out, too. Got a restraining order on dad and signed over all parental rights to us kids. Anyway, I have PTSD, now. I have kids, but their father started hitting me. I left him eight years ago, and have never once doubted my decision to take them away.
Wicked Moon216 3 years ago
I'm so sorry!!! I'm in tears reading that!! I'm so proud of you that you had the strength to leave the father of your children! I hope you get fantastic help for your PTSD and overcome it and show those a*holes from your past that you are so much stronger and better than all the c**p they put you through!!! Live your best life so they are eaten alive with envy!! The best way to get back at people that have hurt you is to be happy with your life. They WANT to see you miserable. It gets them off. They will never feel bad for what they did, or take responsibility. Don't let them have that power over you. Sending you so much happiness!!
Load More Replies... JMil 3 years ago
Wow, that sucks. OP is absolutely correct that sticking it out in this situation was not appropriate. ...THAT said, I know a couple examples where parents "stuck it out" until their children were 18 to provide stability and continuity for their children. The important difference was there was no abuse and the marital problems (more personality differences) were, more or less, concealed from the kids. Agree or not, I think this was selfless, good for the kids, and for the best. Again, as many things are, it is circumstantial and not black and white.
- 3 years ago (edited)
Case-by-case basis, as you said. Some parents plan ahead and try to be civil. In others, separation is necessary ASAP. One couple's kids (aged 8-14) begged them to stay together, so they went for counseling. Not sure if they're still together now that the kids are older (mid-teens to 20s).
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Better to come from a broken home than to have to grow up in one. My brothers and I would’ve been so much better off if our mother had left our father and raised us herself until she met and married a great guy who would’ve been a wonderful stepfather to us. (She had been very independent and ambitious as a teenage girl, but once she met and fell for our worthless a*****e of a father, he began systematically pissing on her dreams, putting her down, and grinding all that sparkle out of her. She died before I got married, went back to college, earned my Masters degree, and started a real career instead of just working at soul-sucking jobs—-all the things she wanted to do.)
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Never a good idea. Kids get more f*cked up by the sh*t they go through with parents that stay together for the kids.
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
My father was also controlling and verbally/emotionally abusive to my mom, one of my siblings, and myself. I didn't realize that that was the reason my mom was so strict with us as kids. That is until we went on vacation one summer. We were visiting with another family at a camp park a few hours away and my dad could only stay for the first week and then had to go back to work for the second week. The other family had a car that we could use so that we could get around and do things outside of the park. It was then I realized what a nice, fun person my mom really was! We had the best time! After that I knew why she was the way she was at home and wished my parents would divorce, but they didn't until we were grown up. My mom told me later that she had asked my dad for a divorce when we were kids but my dad had said that if they divorced he was taking us kids with him. So my mom stayed in an unhappy marriage for our sake. I'm glad that she did but at the same time it makes me so sad.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Had an abusive stepdad myself. He used an excuse of sickness to be mean and abusive. My mother went into depression and finally left him. The town ostracized us and refused to belive he was abusing us. Even after a decade since we moved away they still like to talk about us behind our backs, or make snide remarks.
AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
I'm 41 years old. My parents married and had my brother when they were still kids themselves. My entire childhood my dad, brother, and I had to walk on eggshellls so as not to upset my mother. Because she would get offended and fly off the handle over nothing. I mean threatening cut vacations short over something NO ONE said and having to apologize over it to appease her. They were toxic with each other. They still are. My dad has threatened to commit murder/suicide several times, been in mental hospitals over it. It still effects me as an adult.
Sarah E 3 years ago
What kids need is a stable, loving home. If you can't provide that while staying married, then you need to divorce for the sake of the kids. My mom divorced my dad when I was 10 and I have thanked her for that multiple times. It was a major turning point for me and I can honestly say that I wouldn't be who I am today if they had stayed together. I would be a lot worse off.
Laura Probst 3 years ago
I actively begged my mom to divorce my father, starting when I was around 11. I could never understand why some of my classmates bemoaned having divorced parents when it was so obvious that, in the end, getting a divorce was better all round for the entire family. Sadly, my mom stuck with my dad because she didn't want to turn me into a latchkey kid (though I was enthusiastic about it) or have to worry about money (which, again, didn't bother me as I was offering to get a part-time job as soon as I was old enough to help out). Honestly, she stuck with him because she was scared - can't blame her for that - but I hate that she never took that chance.
#21
Withholding the truth from your kids.
After two of my grandparents died. My parents took it upon themselves to not tell me my grandfather passed away while I was at boarding school. Got a very random text from my estranged sister saying "it's a bummer what happened to grandad".
Second time my mum texted me while I was living abroad to tell me my other grandad is in hospital sick. After an hour catch up on skype with my dad, turned out he was in hospital... But dead.
So never withhold the truth. It f***s with our heads. FOR LIFE.
IamMe 3 years ago (edited)
Two of my cousins lived with my grandparents. All of their animals "ran away" even the ones we ate. They were not told that my grandfather had passed, when they were in highschool, until my uncle told them the day of the funeral. I got reamed out, by my grandmother for telling one of them that his dog had to be put to sleep for biting a jogger. He was 30, at the time. Grandma had told him it was adopted by a nice lady. No, my cousin is not disabled in any way, he's just a giant spoiled man baby.
Bill Kotsias 3 years ago
I bet you have done some psychotherapy, normally people are unable to see and value these circumstances
Load More Replies... Autumn Artemis 3 years ago
You don’t have to tell your 8 year old that his grandpa died in a horrific car accident, but not telling the kid that he died is a really bad idea. Just give your truth different ratings depending on the kid. (i.e. PG, PG-13)
Taylor Keane 3 years ago
50 years later I'm still upset my parents didn't tell me my favorite uncle died. My parents died over 30 years ago.
Ashley Jernigan 3 years ago
I am always open and very honest with my kids. Why withhold the truth? They're going to figure it out or find out one way or the other.
MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
My mom, hated me so much, that when my dad died, she wouldn't tell me. I had a weird dream one night, that he was standing at the foot of my bed, and told me: be good to your mother, and help her. She really going to need you now. It was him, but a black figure. The next morning, my husband, asked me what I was dreaming about. I told him, and he said; I thought so, because you kept saying, ok, father. I couldn't get hold of my mom, and called a cousin. That's when I found out that he had died, 7/28/88. This was in September of 1988. Lying to your kids, or not talking to them about life, is the worst thing we can do. Keeping them in the loop, and having great communication, keeps the family close. My kids, they tell me Everything! Even when I don't want to hear it sometimes...I just grin, and bear it
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
The truth is always important, although there is nothing wrong with saving a few topics until they are old enough for it. My child knows that there are some topics I will explain to her at a later date.
#22
"Keep the household quiet when baby is sleeping."
We are a busy household 4 dogs 2 cats a 2 year old and a 2 month old. If I want to blend a smoothie, listen to music or vacuum the house I do it. We do not tiptoe, my kids sleep through noise.
S Mi 3 years ago
Lol. Glad that works for you. Some kids, especially those who aren't neuro typical literally can't do this. Expecting if from them would cause am extreme amount of stress for everyone (which is why parenting needs to be tailored to the child)
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
I can relate to what you mean here. My son has autism and certain noises startle him. It did get a little less the older he got though.
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BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
This really varies by kids. My oldest has always slept really hard but my youngest wakes up really easily. Not limiting the noise is great if your kid can sleep through it and keep that habit up
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
That depends on the child. My mother told me when I was a baby she couldn't make any noise or I'd immediately wake up again. And that never really changed, I still weak up to easily today.
Deborah B 3 years ago
If your kid has real problems with noise waking them, or preventing them from sleeping a noise therapy machine or cd, or app (white/brown/pink noise) can often work better than complete silence. It also makes life easier for the rest of the household, and helps when outside noise is out of your control. I get not wanting your kid to be dependent on noise therapy for sleep, but being dependent on complete quiet is equally bad for them, and harder for everyone else.
Markus It/Its 3 years ago
Watch this not be the parent who has to settle the kids again when they wake up howling because it's too loud
Wicked Moon216 3 years ago
I agree with the other comments on here. My older daughter would sleep through ANYTHING, but I tried to do it with my younger one, and it didn't work AT ALL. She turns 20 today, and she still wakes up at any slightly loud noises.
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Yup, that! The normal noises in the house are perfectly okay, I do the same with my pup ;)
#23
This post made me realise my parents didn't raise me so well.
They're pretty old, so they had old fashioned parenting methods. I got spanked until I was 7 or 8 until they decided kids were not for spanking anymore, which isn't that bad. But I also got coddled my whole life. Everything was made easy for me, and I was always told I was the smartest and prettiest and most capable. Left me with high self esteem and virtually no majorly bad experiences aside from an abusive sister, but now at 17 I'm still not allowed to do ANYTHING for myself. I'm not trusted with any tasks at all, nor am I given any freedom. Worst of all, I'm given no chances to fail because I have no choices. My mom makes all my choices forcibly so that I never suffer any consequences ever.
As for the high self esteem, I had to do a lot of therapy to recover from (among other things) the crippling realization that I am not, in fact, the smartest and prettiest. Hit me like a train, basically lost all sense of self worth for a while
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Parenting is a balancing act on a very thin, very high wire. Very easy to fail/fall and have to get back up again. But you do get back up, because you have to; your kids depend on you.
MygrandsonscallmeNia 3 years ago
I'm proud of you for getting help, and trying to move past it. Mental abuse, is just as bad, as physical abuse. I know, my parents were masters at it! I ended up with: painful depression and mild manic depressive anxiety, because of them. Between God, and therapy, I've moved past everything, and off the meds. I'll be praying for you, for strength and courage! God bless you, sweetheart! I know, inmy heart, you'll be ok. 💜☮️✡️🛐✝️💜
Jane Alexander 3 years ago
There is no 'smartest'. You're smarter at some things, I'm smarter at others. There's no prettiest except in the eye of a beholder.
#24
My sister has the habit of buying both of my nephews presents, but she does it in a way that she thinks is fair. I mean, say it's my oldest nephews birthday. Well she buys them both toys so that they don't feel left out. Same for the younger one. If say, one of them gets good grades or has done something good, they both get presents.
I mean, that's awesome, but I feel that that might be a bad parenting habit since she's spoiling them both at the same time. And most of the time, the oldest fights over the younger one's toys because he choose something that interested him later on. So I don't think it's working.
IamMe 3 years ago
Doesn't that kinda take away the whole point of a birthday? It's supposed to be a celebration of the person who's birthday it is. Letting the other child pick out a present to give to the birthday kid would probably teach a better lesson.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
It taught me that even on my own birthday, my sibling mattered more. (I didn't get extra gifts on HIS birthday, because he was younger, I was older, so I "understood" and he "didn't understand.")
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Lara Verne 3 years ago (edited)
My cousin does this. He has two daughters and when one has birthday, I am supossed to bring presents for other one too. I tried o bring presents for birthday girl and something smaller for other, but it's apparently wrong too, because their gifts should be the same. Like, when I buy doll for one, I should buy doll for other. I am not a millionaire!
S&P 3 years ago (edited)
My mom did this but in a double-standard kind of way. Whenever my sister and I were younger and were allowed to have a birthday party, the other was allowed to invite their own friend so they're not bored. But this only worked one way. At first I certainly didn't mind my sister inviting one of her friends to my birthday especially since otherwise, she'd just mope about not being the center of attention. But when it came to the reverse, she'd throw a fit, "but it's MYYYYYY birthday! I don't even know that person. Why does SHE get to invite a friend to MY party?!" So eventually, I'd get fed up too. Especially, as time went on, and her friends became more toxic and she'd get to invite more than just one, they'd huddle in a corner of the room and not-so-quietly say mean s**t about me. In a way, I get my mom meant well, but the execution of this idea was just horrible.
rhubarb 3 years ago
My grandma is so sweet, she apologizes for things she can't help, she basically would give my siblings, me, and my cousins the sun if she could. On birthdays, she'd get us all gifts, even though we'd insist it was just the birthday kid's time. She couldn't stand leaving anyone out. Bless her heart.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
My grandma-in-law brings gifts for my stepdaughter (6) whenever she sees her, so about once a month - my SD started saying things like "I'm glad to see great-grandma, she'll bring me something again" recently... Like, that's not the point, is it? It's also usually sweets, and with her parents' genes, we really want to control SD's sugar intake - and GMIL knows that. She also brought her things when my twins had their birthday, and on my 30th birthday, too, and I really think that's stupid... A 6-year-old (at the time 5) should not be sad not to get sth. on someone else's birthday...
Load More Replies... Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
I don't believe in spoiling kids. Getting them something they really want for birthday, Christmas, or some major achievement is one thing, but you don't give all the kids something on 1 kid's birthday or achievement. That's what led to the level of entitlement we're seeing in the current generation of kids and young adults. The "Participation Trophy" idea was literally the absolute worst idea in a long sad history of bad ideas when it comes to kids.
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
That's something I do with my pets, as cats and dogs don't understand their own birthday, but for a human child ...? Kinda weird.
Ashley Jernigan 3 years ago
This breeds entitlement. If someone else gets something so do I. Absolutely not. That's not how the world works.
Tota Mostafa 3 years ago
May I add that usually the younger one would be encouraged with presents more often since he'd be having his first experiences with things and the oldest coukd get jealous. Even if they didn't fight over whatever the oldest could still feel left out and not to mention that whenever one gets a present if the other didn't (from whoever) he'd feel left out and upset and that this is unfair. Even if the parents squeezed their bills and money to be able to buy the little one his birthday gift to make him happy and it's gonna get financially difficult... The older would feel left out.
#25
You have the right to invade your child's privacy because it's for their own good.
There are specific situations where I think doing this can be condoned. But I'm talking about those parents who go through the kid's diary, social platforms, closets, everything - just because their kid is acting secretive or because the parents "have a hunch." Children of parents like that will grow up to be mistrusting of others, among other issues. I would know, thanks mom.
Your kid probably won't act so sketchy around you if you taught them early about good communication and trust. Snooping around their stuff and not giving them their own space isnot good for either of you. Trust is not a one-way deal.
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Sometimes I read stories about parents removing bedroom doors because privacy has to be earned... My parents were very strict, but never did they remove the door...
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
That's become a thing. It's straight up psychological abuse.
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Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
My dad would go through my phone sometimes, and it made me so obscenely paranoid. (I had come out to my cousin as bi, but not anyone else and I wasn't ready to be out). He asked me for my phone so he could Google something one day, so I handed it to him (reluctantly). I had come out to my best friend just a few minutes before, and he had come out to me as trans. He had sent me several texts (and his nickname, also his contact name, is that of a boy and not a girl), and so my dad got suspicious and looked. Through. The. Whole. Conversation. When I went over to hand him his dinner and saw my message app open, I knew I was screwed. And I was absolutely TERRIFIED as to what his reaction would be. He pulled me aside, asked me gently if I had something to tell him, so I did. He was really nice and accepting, my anxiety just really increased the fear something bad would happen (We're Catholic. Not all of them are accepting of the community).
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
He then reminded me of his good friends, who were a lesbian couple XD. After a few minutes, he had me come out to my mom, whose response was "okay. And?" Then they both sat me down, as I was crying by this point. Both from the anxiety and the relief.
Load More Replies... Markus It/Its 3 years ago
My parents never invaded my privacy and I tell them pretty much everything. When I started publishing fanfics, I showed them my user. They follow me on insta and we're friends on facebook. They know about my discord and my online friends and they trust me to stay safe. I don't feel the need to hide things from them, I never have
Cheyanne Pavan 3 years ago
I think they mean hacking into social media accounts to read private messages; if not, there's no reason parents shouldn't look at public accounts.
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Tricethelover 3 years ago
my parents: go though my room search history messages camera roll anything I write in computer MAIL phone and anything else they think I have smth to hide on, usually based on "ur being sketchy", no I'm not I'm emotionally exhausted, don't want to talk to u abt it bc I'm always the villain to u and I'm tired of being told that if I was better, nicer, kinder, maybe people would stop treating me like s**t... Megan, I'm so f*****g fake nice it's not funny. oh and they took my door so I blasted music till they got annoyed and gave it back
Cheyanne Pavan 3 years ago
You deserve better. You are worthy of all good things in the world, just because you are you. And you are always enough!
Load More Replies... Lara Verne 3 years ago (edited)
My mom used to do this.I was writting diary and she went through my stuff until she find it and read it. Then she confronted me about things I wrote. I never wrote diary again. I also used to have penpals and she wanted to read what I write and what others write to me.
Shakirah Smith 3 years ago
There has to be a balance of knowing for sure what they are doing by checking certain things, and also allowing them to be completely honest. There has to be some trust. Like I can trust them, but at the same time I don’t trust others.
GayBoi 3 years ago
A few years ago I did something pretty bad, but parts of it were because I was never taught about toxic relationships, and various other reasons (not saying I was not in the wrong, just saying the entire thing wasn't my fault) I got my phone taken away, wasn't allowed on YouTube, etc. Those things were justifiable. However, my dad threatened to also remove my bedroom door. Parents/Guardians, please don't ever threaten to do this, let alone actually do it.
Tiffany Head 3 years ago
'I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your parent by coming in anyway!'
#26
I think its wrong if a parent uses financial leverage against their child's personal choices, such as where to attend college. "We won't pay for you tuition unless you do THIS, attend THIS school, and follow all of our rules". This may seem like a well intended way to guide your children away from harm and keep them on their best path. However, I've found that it can be harmful. Your parents try to know what's best for you, generally speaking, but it is still a form of emotional manipulation that I don't think is appropriate for a 17 or 18 year old, or anyone old enough to be making choices about their own living situations. By the same standards, a parent might say, if you choose to marry this person, we will not help you cover the costs of the wedding. If your parents really respect who you are as an adult, they should give you unselfish support that doesn't vary depending on how they would potentially make a different choice in your scenario.
JMil 3 years ago
I won't pay for a car that does not have very high safety ratings. And I'm giving my kid a higher car budget if she picks a Volvo. Because they're super safe. And I like them.
Wondering Alice 3 years ago
I agree with you. While I get what the OP means - don't cut your children off because you disagree with legitimate life choices, there are exceptions here. Like when I was 17 and told my dad I was struggling at college. My parents didn't have much, but my dad took on an extra shift so I could cut my hours at my part time job and also pay for a tutor. It's hard to imagine anything else I could have wanted at 17 my dad would not have told me to save up for myself. He also topped up my car buying budget a few times when I could not find one he thought was safe.
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Bex Lee 3 years ago (edited)
I have zero problem telling my kid I won't pay for a useless college major but will pay for one with an actual potential to earn a living. It's my money and she doesn't have a right to it. I'm not going to make a bad investment just she can feel grown up... ironically, while still being financially dependent on me. She's wants to major in "gender theory" or some BS like that, it's up to her. Engineering, education, business, etc, yep, I'll buck up.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
I can assure you that your kid will end up crying in my office about what an a*****e you are. You're also welcome to take my gender theory class (which is part of the education field). You'd learn a lot.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
This also goes hand in hand with letting them fail and learn from their mistakes. Unless the potential outcome will be tragic/deadly/expensive, let them choose their own paths. You can still discuss it with them, give them advice, like pursue Plan A, but make sure to have a Plan B, C, and D already formulated, just in case. Or how to take what they want to do in a direction that will pay the bills. Like, they can always teach what they love, to pay for doing what they love, so major in art and minor in education. It’s not passive-aggressively telling them you don’t think they’ll succeed at being an artist, it’s just advising them to take a common sense approach to pursuing their dream. Not everyone can pay bills waiting tables.
Rose Marie Mack 3 years ago
Nope nope nope. Your parents have the right to set boundaries on financing college and weddings. If you don't like it, you can pay for them yourself.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago
Setting boundaries is one thing. Demanding they do things YOUR was or no way, is quite another.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
It's fair to say "I won't financially support choices that are bad for you." but make it more "Lets look at the options, and you need to convince me that the choice you are making is well thought out, and right for you." Let them show you the car safety stats, or the employment prospects of the degree course, or the ranking of the school, or the courses they are offering. Understand why your kid wants what they want, and be prepared to share evidence for the option you recommend. Be willing to accept that you are wrong. Maybe the Student Loan debt would not be compensated for by higher earnings and better employment prospects, and a trade qualification or an apprenticeship is a better choice. Maybe your favored school is top of the league table over all, but not for their chosen subject. Maybe you are basing your recommendation on safety stats from the 00's and if you look at cars five to ten years old, the stats are different.
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
Parents: "We won't pay for your college if you don't choose this school." Kids mind: "Fine, I'll get an after school job and work my a*s off for scholarships so I can go to the school I want."
AmAndA_Panda 3 years ago
Lol my kid has worked part time for 2 years. She graduated high school valedictorian. She is ranked as one of the best musicians in the state. She got a full academic scholarship and a partial music scholarship since she's in the music program but not a music major. Yeah, she still has a student loan. Scholarships aren't what they used to be.
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propgamer XL 3 years ago
That's well within their rights. I wanted to remarry a cheating sociopath who was after my and my dad's money. My dad helps me out financially. He said I won't give you a cent anymore. Ditched the guy. Listen to daddy, also when you're 50 and dumb.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago
That's a little different. I think OP is taking about something more superficial, like saying they won't pay for the wedding just because future spouse is, say, a blue collar worker, and not a doctor.
Load More Replies... Tiffany Head 3 years ago (edited)
I agree with this to an extent. You also shouldn't unabashedly financially support your child either. If they're wanting to buy a car that's worth more than your house or go to college that's gonna cause 100s of thousands of student debt or more maybe try to have a conversation with them about your concerns.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago
Absolutely. But setting boundaries is way different than using financial leverage to manipulate and control.
Load More Replies... ADHD McChick 3 years ago
The only things my parents ever told me, in this vein, were that there were certain cars I wasn't allowed to consider, when looking for my first (they were paying half; I saved up, and they matched it), & that if I moved out, like into my own place, they would no longer pay for my college tuition. But I didn't have any demands as to where to go to college or anything, except that it had to be somewhere where they could afford the loan payments, lol. And I never felt, nor do I feel now, that our agreement about the tuition or the refusal to help pay for certain cars was a manipulation. I understood. The car thing, though a bit frustrating at the time, lol, was about safety-they didn't want me driving something convertible or top-heavy at only 16. As for my tuition, if I moved out, that meant I was adult enough to take care of myself. So I was expected to. But they still occasionally helped me, & still do even now, in small ways, and I them. That's just what family does.
#27
extracrispyoriginal said:
Teach your child that the sun goes down every day because it's mad at them.
PM-YOUR-CUTE-SMILE replied:
Holy [smokes] imagine them freaking out during a solar eclipse.
"TIMMY WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
superjerkingoff187 replied:
Ah, this reminds me of the time where my dog [peed] on my grill and we were cooking burgers and there was flames, we in humor mode made him think that his [pee] set it on fire. He doesn't [pee] on things anymore.
S Mi 3 years ago
Right? End every single day feeling shitty because the sun hates you?
Load More Replies... Deborah Harris 3 years ago
No way..i've heard of 'Don't let the sun go down on your anger' but something like this would really screw up a childs' mind
Joseph A. Stanley 3 years ago
Exactly. One's to prevent hatred from growing, and is a pretty good life lesson imo. The other is just downright cruel.
Load More Replies... Reverend_Fish 3 years ago
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' "He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. 'I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late." Jack Handey
Desarae Stillman 3 years ago
That’s my uncle. He’s a comedy writer, definitely not intended as parenting advice.
Load More Replies... Tiffany Head 3 years ago
Jeez louise who says that?! That honestly sounds borderline abusive at best.
#28
Let them beat you at games.
Nooooooooo. Play a game with a good handicap mechanic (randomness or explicit) that lets you beat them closer to 50% of the time and ideally lets you adjust the handicap as they start winning more. Or switch games to something more complex but keep its randomness at a level so that they can beat you legitimately but definitely not always.
They need to learn how to deal with loss, how to adjust their behavior based on what's happening to them. Forget that oft-touted idea of "teaching them that things will be handed to them" (which is true though I detest the bleak pessimism we often see it portrayed with), more importantly you're lying to them about which things that happen to them are important and can be learned from.
Put another way: a lot of parenting ideas seek to shield children from consequences. F**k. That. B******t. Also don't give them all the consequences all at once. Let them face consequences, but at a level appropriate to where they are in life and ever increasing in severity, with spikes and lulls in relative difficulty for them to handle.
Source: not a parent, but a classically trained game designer.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Or just play games of chance with them, rather than games of strength, knowledge, or skills they don’t possess yet, which simply isn’t fair. With games of pure chance, neither of you has any way to control the outcome (you can’t manipulate throwing dice or spinning a dial, for instance), which levels the playing field, so to speak.
Danielle Bennett 3 years ago
Or collaborative games where you both win or you both lose.
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Danielle Bennett 3 years ago
My lifelong memory is that my husband is obscenely good at Monopoly (and Risk) and plays it out to the brutal, miserable end every time. He's not a good sport about the winning either, so both games end up as hours of blah. I no longer play either.
Load More Replies... Markus It/Its 3 years ago
I've played games with my family since I was very little and I did a lot of losing, but I never cared. It was nice time spent with them and I cared more about the gameplay than the results. Co-op games are also great with younger kids because teamwork is always good, and nobody has to lose
Cheyanne Pavan 3 years ago
There are times when I've been guilty of passing up the chance to win games in order to continue the gameplay because doing something together is more fun than winning (not just with kids, but also with friends & my husband). I don't do it often enough that other person would catch on, but sometimes it's the choice that gratifies me the most.
Load More Replies... propgamer XL 3 years ago (edited)
That's fun for young kids. When they get older, they let you win.
Alicia Medina 10 months ago
I despise playing games with my husband's godson because he is terrible at losing. Makes it not fun when he throws a tantrum because he isn't winning.
Danielle Bennett 3 years ago
I've played games with my daughters since they were young enough to mostly understand. I tone down how sharky I am with a younger player, but winning is earned. I'm also willing to help and not use information gained against them. It's about teaching them how to think through situations.
#29
haroldburgess said:
Give them treats and rewards EVERY time they do a chore or something around the house.
Philip_De_Bowl replied:
"Your reward is getting to live here, the clothes on your back, and the toys you play with!" ~ My Dad
iSmellMusic replied:
That's what my dad says too, but in his defense I'm now 20 and I want to move out.
Sweetune replied:
My dad told me that anyone living in his house will have to do chores.
dabisnit replied:
After the age of 18, you're no longer a resident but a guest. That's what my dad explained to me.
S Mi 3 years ago
People do chores because they are needed to keep the house functioning. As a member of the family, you do chores. If you don't, you may not be able to do other things (removal of fun things or ideally natural consequences go here). But also, as a member of the family. You get your needs and some if your wants met, that might include allowance. You don't get paid for chores, but its the same mechanism.
Michelle Smith 3 years ago
You are not a guest as long as you are living in your parents house. You are or should be a contributing member of the family.
angry_waffle 3 years ago
Ok, but, how do you motivate the children to do chores? If they start rebelling, just telling them to do chores might not work.
B 🇺🇦🇨🇦 3 years ago (edited)
I earned my allowance through chores. I got $20 a month and every chore had a dollar value (Cleaning the bathroom = 50 cents etc) and it was really disappointing not getting my full allowance occasionally because I didn’t do all of my chores. I was getting an allowance anyways, my mum just decided to try doing it this way one day and it worked really well. Sometimes I even earned extra allowance :) (I know I was really lucky to get an allowance and not everyone believes in it or can afford it)
Load More Replies... Araminta 3 years ago
Yep, i would get 1 hour of tv/gameboy per chore, but the chores were "put away 3 peoples clothes nicely and where they belong" which would take all day & night because it was a weeks worth and my folding was never good enough. All while my parents were watching tv all day and playing video games. All for only 60 minutes. My friends got to watch unlimited TV and play on their nintendo DS's infinitely, i was so jealous. We had a 2 story house and i was once offered 1 hour of screen time for CLEANING ALL THE BASEBOARDS WITH A TOOTHBRUSH. All it did was create resentment, my mother tried to implement the screen time rule after I turned 18 and I had to give her a piece of my mind.
Load More Replies... BadCat 3 years ago
I felt such guilt not being able to give my kid allowance every week for doing chores. I don't think I got allowances all the time, either, but I know I did more than mine. But then I realized at the end of the day if I felt she deserved allowance then she deserves a treat, and no matter what I'm paying. She hasn't gone without her needs nor her goodies and fun.
Tiffany Head 3 years ago
'My dad told me that anyone living in his house will have to do chores.' Umm, is that supposed to sound unreasonable, because it doesn't. A house requires quite a bit of maintenance and upkeep. Of course a 1 year old can't be vacuuming. But a 10-15 year old can start learning how to wash dishes or mow the lawn. Whatever you as their parent think they are ready for and can handle. Learning to handle household chores at an early age is very important to being a functional adult.
Sarah E 3 years ago
I was told that you are responsible for helping with the upkeep of where you live, but I was also given an allowance that I would only get if I did my chores. If I wanted something that wasn't a necessity I could either add it to my wishlist and hopefully get it at Christmas or my birthday, or I could save up my allowance and buy it myself. I learned responsibility, how to take care of myself, and how to budget and manage money.
Carolina Pascua 3 years ago
Getting to live there and have clothes on your back is not a REWARD, it’s having your basic needs met, which is your parents’ duty as they chose to have children. Doing chores is your duty because it’s your house too.
#30
Pocario said:
Surround your baby with lots of pillows so that he's comfortable and won't roll over.
themadhattergirl replied:
Also, put lots of stuffed animals in the crib with your baby!
Seriously, don't do this.
Chavezz13 replied:
How come?
epipremnumaureum replied:
Basically a risk of suffocating. You need to make sure a baby is warm and comfortable but consider that a baby can't move stuff that gets in the way.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Don't let your baby sleep with any soft objects until he's at least 12 months old. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, pillow-like toys, blankets, quilts, crib bumpers, and other bedding increase the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and death by suffocation or strangulation.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
Also, don't use baby sleep positioners for the same reason. Baby should be on their backs. After the baby is a couple of months old, if they roll themselves over then it is fine so don't freak out if you find your 5 month old on their tummy while sleeping.
Randy Klefbeck 3 years ago
Essentially for safety an infant gets set on his back with no pillow, no blanket, in a warm crib, with a onesie on. Nothing else.
Autumn Artemis 3 years ago
Babies are pretty soft and squishy already, they’ll be okay without pillows for a few months
Ashley Jernigan 3 years ago
I lost my son because there was one blanket in his crib and he suffocated. Seriously. Do not do this. Make sure the room is a good temp and their wearing some footie pajamas if you're worried they'll get chilly. But do not use pillows and blankets or toys unless you are right next to them watching the entire time, like during a nap.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
My sis in law found a little zip up swaddling blanket and got me one. They are so nice as you don't have to worry about them becoming unwrapped or getting in the baby's face. They are also made to keep the baby from getting too hot.
Skorm Carter 3 years ago
They even said this was outdated info in King of the Hill.... Are people still doing this!?
#31
[deleted] said:
Give your child a unique and meaningful name.
flirppitty-flirp replied:
Don't forget to spell it ever so intricately as possible too. You really want to make sure they are the only one.
[deleted] replied:
You really want to make sure they are the only one...
...who can ever spell their name right.
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
Lol, my mum: "Could you please think about a name that I can pronounce when I read it?" She was so right in her way of thinking ;)
Hotdogking 3 years ago
I relate so much to this. But for different reasons. Where I'm from, my name isn't too uncommon, but there are multiple different spellings of the name. My parents picked the harder way to spell it. So I'm always explaining how my name is pronounced or having it spelt wrong. All it is is an Irish name but with silent letters added at the end for no reason. But a lot of people I know think it's the height of comedy to purposely pronounce the silent letters. Drives me mad
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
yes because every child should have a name like 'Moon-unit' and X Æ A-12
Shelby Moonheart 3 years ago
I have a friend who just recently named her daughter, Eiza (pronounced "eye-zuh"). The baby is about two months old now. I expect she will have a challenge with name.
BadCat 3 years ago
I was able to know how to pronounce it just fine without clarity.
Load More Replies... #32
ayarb said:
"Spare the rod, spoil the child". Don't beat you kids. Don't SPOIL your kids, but don't beat your kids.
MarvelousComment replied:
This. Education is so much more effective when you reinforce positive attitudes instead of just punishing the kid relentlessly.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Ooohhh - hot button issue! I was beaten as child, I do not spank my children. My take away from corporal punishemnt was fear. I learned nothing but to lie, hide, avoid and be afraid of my parents. I wasn't a bad kid, just a normal annoying one. Parents already have all the power, there is absolutely no need to physically overpower a child to prove what - that you're stronger than a kid? That you can't handle your own emotions? Please don;t hit your children.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is what these abusive assholes don't get: you aren't making kids "respect" you. You're making them FEAR you. That is not a positive thing. Only an insecure a*****e needs to get off on kids being afraid of and intimidated by them, and using physicality to achieve it. Take a f*****g parenting class. but DON'T HIT YOUR CHILDREN, or you won't see them when they're adults.
Load More Replies... EpicWolfandSparrow 3 years ago (edited)
Personal take, 'spare the discipline, spoil the child'. Discipline is important. Otherwise kids become very entitled. Definitely don't beat, but mild discipline is still important. Not physically though
S Mi 3 years ago
Little information from Harvard on brain development https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/brain-architecture/
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Just read a few pages of this - it should recommended reading for all of us. Thanks for the website @S Mi.
Load More Replies... Terry Tobias 3 years ago
We were spanked or slapped as children and I learned early on not to do things that would cause that to happen! But I believe that it's wrong to hit a child. Why would that be ok, but if you did it to another adult it would be considered assault?
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
On a more unpleasant note, some kids just don't respond at all to non-physical disciplinary methods. Slapping hand/cheek or spanking (open hand only, no fist and definitely no weapon) sometimes leaves a more lasting impression than a "time out", but let the punishment fit the crime. Hitting a sibling, time out with no electronics (incarceration for assault); profanity/vulgarity, (depending on the severity) mouth washed out with Ivory soap or slap; deliberate disobedience, swat on the backside (number determined by age of offender, never more swats than their age). Kids have to learn that their actions/words have consequences/rewards, but don't go overboard with either one, and both have to fit the situation.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
If it involves hitting a kid, no, there isn't.
Load More Replies... Theresa Carroll 3 years ago
There is a huge difference between beating your kid and a spanking. God this is why the world is full of brats...
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Tell us that difference, Theresa. Tell us why it's okay to "pop" a kid in the mouth or on the butt, but somehow that's better than, what, leaving bruises? Go read the Harvard study linked above, but I'll repeat it: HITTING KIDS BREAKS THEIR BRAINS. There is no "good" hitting. Whether it's one slap or a massive beatdown, the psychological effects are the same.
Load More Replies... #33
Console them when injured and don't let them climb or find themselves in any hazardous situations.
Now, I don't mean to say never console ANY injury. Just most. I stopped reacting at an early age with my daughter while allowing her to jump on the bed and climb ladders and balance on wood piles and... I HAVE THE TOUGHEST MOST INDEPENDENT CHILD EVER! Serious falls she just gets up and walks away no tears. She has incredible hand eye coordination and impeccable balance.
Please note that this statement is within the realm of reason, it's not like I'm telling her to suck it up with a split forehead or encouraging her to climb on zoo fences...
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
exactly that. I noticed (a long long time ago) that when I was at the playground, observing kids, there was a pattern. If a child would fall, even in the softest grass, the first thing they would do, was to look for their parent and of they noticed. If they did notice, they'd almost always would start to cry. As to where the kids that couln't establish eyecontact, shrugged it off and just go back to having fun ;)
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I've seen the same kids do the exact same thing. Sees someone watching, tears. No one is watching, gets up and plays
Load More Replies... BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I've done this. My kids run and trip (they got their grace from me) all the time. When they fall in front of strangers, the strangers freak out and I just ask if they're alright. They stand up, brush their knees off, and keep running. That being said, my 4yo also like to limp so she'll limp randomly, an hour later, usually the wrong leg m
Rage Of Aquarius II 3 years ago
I got mocked for every reaction I had to an injury. I sprained my ankle and walked with a heavy limp for two weeks and got harassed for it. After I turned ten, everything from bone bruises to pulled/cramped muscles to puking till my eyes bled was a minor inconvenience and if I complained about it, I was a wussy little embarrassment. Don't coddle your kids, crying over cuts and scrapes is pathetic, but don't make them feel like they can't come to you with an issue. When my friend was in kindergarten, she hid a broken collarbone for five days so she wouldn't be an inconvenience.
#34
dinosaregaylikeme said:
Stalk your child on social media to make sure they are safe.
thewaiting28 replied:
Or, try hiding in plain sight, always tagging them with wishy washy "I love my son/daughter! Like if you love yours!" graphics with way too few pixels. Friend all of their friends, post random things you wish were inside jokes on their timeline at least once a day. And don't forget political posts.
Basically, digitally p**s all over your kids social media to passive-aggressively show the world that is your kid, back off.
BadCat 3 years ago (edited)
I'm torn on this. I know privacy is important but social media is not a bedroom nor a diary. It's public. And if there's going to be 50 year old men lurking on the accounts of minors you better believe the parents will, and should, be there monitoring. It's like expecting privacy when out in public. At the same time, if kids do need to be monitored and protected that closely then it's no place for minors. That would be like taking your kid to an R rated movie and then complaining about the nudity, language and violence in the movie.
Person 3 years ago
yes but they will not always have the parent to protect them anyway, they need to learn independence.
Load More Replies... Wondering Alice 3 years ago
Kids should be taught there is no such thing as privacy on line, so any thing they post must be something they would not mind a parent seeing. Diaries and one to one conversations are private, not the internet. Recently, I have seen a few cases of parents posting on their child's social, which are very very inappropriate. Where I work, kids have group chats on school accounts which are safe places with controlled access with a teacher as chat admin (so they can read too). A few times, some parents use Thier kids accounts to attack kids they think are mean to theirs. This is way way worse than walking in to a school playground and yelling at someone else's kid. One even screen shot an out of context exchange and posted to FB - names and all. These sites are already monitored by a responsible adult, and give opportunity for children to learn how to use SM responsibly with the worst consequences being detention and a good talking to.
Wondering Alice 3 years ago
On the other side - a child once told me about a guy who joined her and her friends unmonitored chat who she thought was odd. Like why would a grown man want to chat with 12 year old girls? I asked if I could see. To an adults eyes, it was very obvious grooming. System in place ment I could quickly escalate through safeguards, an arrest was made by end of school day. Chillingly, I hardly knew that child, we were just chatting waiting for a class. So it was a very lucky catch. No idea how many get missed.
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#35
Take away their belongings (video games, laptop, phone, etc) if they get bad grades in order to motivate them to get good grades. They don't want good grades, they just want their stuff back. They won't develop a healthy work ethic this way. EDIT: Ok guess I'm not too good at phrasing. What I meant is don't give them something they don't deserve just to take it away later. If they want a new phone, give it to them AFTER they earn it. Instead of giving them a phone and then taking it away because they aren't working hard, just don't give them one in the first place, until they get their work up.
Bubbles and sparks 3 years ago
I never really believed in the idea of taking things away for bad grades, if there were bad grades I'd simply ask "How can I help?"
Wicked Moon216 3 years ago
Yup, have a conversation with them. Ask why they are getting bad grades. Are they not understanding the material? Are their study habits not effective? Do they need a better/different way to learn or retain the information? Have a discussion about time management. Help them understand that time management is something EVERYONE at every stage of life has to learn how to do well. No kid WANTS bad grades. You just have to communicate with them like they are real people. It worked with both my daughters that are 20 & 23!
Load More Replies... Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Punishment needs to fit the crime. If they spend too much time on the phone - then no phone until the studying/homework is done. Otherwise, what does the phone have to do with bad grades? I mean, I look stuff up on mine to get smarter so -?
Deborah B 3 years ago
Or make it proportional natural consequences. "You haven't been turning in your homework. The gaming system now lives in the cupboard, and only comes out each day once homework has been finished, seen by parent, and put in your bag for tomorrow." Or screen-free time starts after dinner, and ends once you have finished homework and chores. If grades are a problem, you agree with the teacher and kid what specific, measurable tasks should be happening each day, or week. eg, read one chapter of the text book each evening, or review the class notes from that week. Add it to the homework completion condition. Kids don't choose to do badly, they often don't know how to study in order to improve their grades, or struggle with maintaining study habits if they aren't getting feedback.
#36
"Get your kids into a strict bedtime routine."
This is great for the VERY early years, but once you start incorporating stories and such, you have to mix things up a bit or you'll get stuck in a situation where you can't shortcut ANYTHING or your kids won't be settled. Have to make them adaptable.
BadCat 3 years ago
I disagree to a point. Eventually they'll grow out of certain things and want to make some decisions for themselves. Of course the bedtime time isn't realistic to be militantly the same every night. Having a 30 minute to an hour range is healthy, but kids do need that structure.
Theoretical Empiricist 3 years ago
Sometime early in high school, my parents said, "You have an alarm clock and know how much sleep you need. If you miss the school bus, you walk. If you're late, that's your problem."
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
If I was still wide awake at bedtime I'd read under the covers with a flashlight until I was sleepy.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Helping your kid establish and maintain a routine is good. It doesn't have to be long "PJ's, brush teeth, into bed, goodnight, lights out" That part can stay consistant, while the 'before' changes, bath/no bath, story/no story/ glass of water etc can vary. Also, try getting your kid started young on breathing exercises, or visualisation, that they can use independently.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I think flexibility is the point here. Maybe keep a mix of activities for bed time so something is always available. Like yoga, bed time stories, bath time, etc.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
If you do all of these activities randomly, or even letting them choose sometimes, it will have the same effect as an bed time activity while maintaining a routine
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Something else I've noticed that isn't good parenting is "joking" about kicking you kid out as soon as they're 18.
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
Lots of kids who are brainwashed to believe music, alcohol and drugs are evil become addicts when let loose into life. It’s like eating rice and beans everyday until you move out and then you have a damn country buffet with anything you want. Fill that plate up, f**k rice and beans.
Michelle Gosney 3 years ago
My Dad would say, you'll do for me, whoever I did something good, be polite, was kind. Sound like an insult, but honestly it was brilliant. No pressure or expectation, just a recognition that I'd tried without any patronisation.
KimB 3 years ago
Great honestly and I have boomer parents...had to clean my plate (taut me to take less food), got spanked when I deserved it (I can count on one hand how many times I actually got spanked) and I got grounded if I didn't get good enough grades.( that taut me to always work to my full potential and not half-a** in life)
Load More Replies...
Erik Ivan 3 years ago
My parents always says that the fewer kids a person got, the more they seem to know about raising kids. And the people who think they know the most is the ones without kids. My parents raised 8 kids successfully. And they do not - ever - claim to have all the answers regarding how to raise kids.
Bill Kotsias 3 years ago
I think it's not a matter of number of children. Well, you need to raise at least 1(!) to distinguish theory from practice! But the most important thing is to accept that YOU ARE going to do mistakes, lots of them, acknowledge them, and LEARN FROM THEM
Load More Replies...
Genn1530 3 years ago (edited)
KIDS MUST RESPECT THEIR PARENTS. Yes, but remember, respect is a two-way street. You need to respect your kids for them to be able to respect you. Kids are not born knowing this. I have 2 kids and I respect them the way I want them to respcet me, because by doing so I'm teaching them WHAT IS RESPECT? AND HOW TO RESPECT ME AND OTHERS.
Carulla, Blesszy Cyris 3 years ago
In our house, you can't share your opinion in discussions. You have to agree and say they are right or else you'll be getting a disappointed look. Politics like which president to vote for elections or talks about LGBTQ+ will end badly once you say that the you are not voting the same president or that yiou support the LGBTQ+ community. Sad part is as much as I would like to speak, I was basically conditioned to experience fear whenever they give me a look of disappointment because when I was younger, that means it's time for a spanking.
Belle Miles 3 years ago
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE$TOPMAKINgMEREADALLTHESENAMESiRICANTTAKEITANYMOREMYMANNOW$$$MINUSMIDASTouCHCRAPNOW. I don't want to know all these monikers. PLEASEPLEASEPLEA$ESTOP
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Something else I've noticed that isn't good parenting is "joking" about kicking you kid out as soon as they're 18.
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
Lots of kids who are brainwashed to believe music, alcohol and drugs are evil become addicts when let loose into life. It’s like eating rice and beans everyday until you move out and then you have a damn country buffet with anything you want. Fill that plate up, f**k rice and beans.
Michelle Gosney 3 years ago
My Dad would say, you'll do for me, whoever I did something good, be polite, was kind. Sound like an insult, but honestly it was brilliant. No pressure or expectation, just a recognition that I'd tried without any patronisation.
KimB 3 years ago
Great honestly and I have boomer parents...had to clean my plate (taut me to take less food), got spanked when I deserved it (I can count on one hand how many times I actually got spanked) and I got grounded if I didn't get good enough grades.( that taut me to always work to my full potential and not half-a** in life)
Load More Replies... Erik Ivan 3 years ago
My parents always says that the fewer kids a person got, the more they seem to know about raising kids. And the people who think they know the most is the ones without kids. My parents raised 8 kids successfully. And they do not - ever - claim to have all the answers regarding how to raise kids.
Bill Kotsias 3 years ago
I think it's not a matter of number of children. Well, you need to raise at least 1(!) to distinguish theory from practice! But the most important thing is to accept that YOU ARE going to do mistakes, lots of them, acknowledge them, and LEARN FROM THEM
Load More Replies... Genn1530 3 years ago (edited)
KIDS MUST RESPECT THEIR PARENTS. Yes, but remember, respect is a two-way street. You need to respect your kids for them to be able to respect you. Kids are not born knowing this. I have 2 kids and I respect them the way I want them to respcet me, because by doing so I'm teaching them WHAT IS RESPECT? AND HOW TO RESPECT ME AND OTHERS.
Carulla, Blesszy Cyris 3 years ago
In our house, you can't share your opinion in discussions. You have to agree and say they are right or else you'll be getting a disappointed look. Politics like which president to vote for elections or talks about LGBTQ+ will end badly once you say that the you are not voting the same president or that yiou support the LGBTQ+ community. Sad part is as much as I would like to speak, I was basically conditioned to experience fear whenever they give me a look of disappointment because when I was younger, that means it's time for a spanking.
Belle Miles 3 years ago
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE$TOPMAKINgMEREADALLTHESENAMESiRICANTTAKEITANYMOREMYMANNOW$$$MINUSMIDASTouCHCRAPNOW. I don't want to know all these monikers. PLEASEPLEASEPLEA$ESTOP
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