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Women Share This Collection Of 30 Ridiculous Male Apologies: “Sorry I Can’t Read Your Mind”
Interview With Author
Nobody’s perfect, and everyone messes up from time to time—it’s only human. But a huge part of being a decent person is taking responsibility for your mistakes, learning from them, and also offering an apology if it’s needed. Though, truth be told, not everyone’s good at owning up to what they’ve done—they either get defensive or their ego gets in the way.
Internet user Alexandra (@alexccarterr) went massively viral online after inviting everyone to pretend that the comment section of her post is how guys apologize. Many of the responses she got were hilarious, frustrating, eerily accurate, and sparked a wider discussion about apologies in general. We’ve collected some of the best comments to share with you. Keep scrolling to read them.
Bored Panda reached out to Alexandra, who sparked the massive online discussion, and she was kind enough to share her thoughts on good and bad apologies with us. You'll find our full interview with her below.
Alexandra's online post was viewed over 17.7 million times and received more than 184.1 thousand comments
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Ace 9 months ago (edited)
That's horrifying, and gaslighting at its worst. like "It's your own fault I hit you, you shouldn't make me angry."
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BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
OMG! This one is also my ex-wife. I didn't realize she dated all these poor women.
Glen Ellyn 9 months ago
Yeah, right. YOU threw it, not me! I have no control over how you react to something.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
Again !! Coercive ! Been there lived it can’t trust anyone now cos of it ! N this is a huge no you threw it you made you do it no one else !!
We were curious about what inspired Alexandra to make the post in the first place and whether she expected such a huge response to it. She told Bored Panda that the internet's response was a complete surprise.
"Honestly. It was a random post that I thought would maybe get my normal 300-view range. I did not expect it to get that much attention," she said.
"I already had a few comments that I knew someone would say. Like the 'idk what you want me to say.' I think it was just something a lot of people related to with men having a hard time expressing emotions and feelings," Alexandra told us.
RELATED:
#2
*raspberry sound 9 months ago
I had severe PPD after my first child , and it got to the point where my thoughts were scaring me. My husband (at the time) was being absolutely awful to me and I thought it was all my fault, so I wrote him a four-page letter, telling him about how I was feeling, that I was scared, how dark my thoughts were becoming, and how I needed his support, not just to be left alone all day while he played music and had affairs, again, framed as though it was my fault, because I was unwell. I found the letter on our bed later, where he had simply written on the back "I guess I'll never say anything again" It was so dismissive and hurtful.
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
HAHAHA. the OP was dating my mother. "I guess I'm just not allowed to say anything in this house!"
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
Good ! I’m not here to be bullied picked on and coerced anymore been there done that got the scars that won’t go away ! !! If it’s a joke your someone else ITS NEVER FUNNY ! it’s bullying simples so being vile n saying it’s a joke tells us your an ah !,
John Jameson 9 months ago
Read the first six of these and thought: "These are attributed to just men?" I stopped reading.
#3
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
How else was I meant to take it? Think about what you said and how y0oud feel if someone splaid it to your, want me to ask your mum?
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Yeah, this is the politician's apology. I'm sorry you were offended by my statement.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
Well if you where you wouldn’t have said it in first place then gas lit us by saying it’s our fault we didn’t like it NO SCUMBG ITS YOURS , for being so nasty !
We asked Alexandra for her perspective on what lies at the core of a proper apology. She was happy to share her thoughts on this.
"While saying 'sorry' is sometimes hard, I feel that a true apology is acknowledging that someone feels the way they do," she opened up to Bored Panda.
"You don’t always have to understand why someone may feel a certain way. You can say 'sorry' without downplaying or neglecting someone’s feelings just because you don’t understand why."
Alexandra also urged everyone to "always be kind," no matter what.
#4
Glen Ellyn 9 months ago
If you knew this, why did you even do this whatever that would make me mad?? 🙄
Ms.GB 9 months ago (edited)
"This is why I can't tell you things. Sorry I'm not perfect!"
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BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I'm really starting to think my ex-wife was having affairs with all of these people.
#5
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
This is my ex-wife. She never once apologized to me. She would just list every thing I did wrong from the beginning of our relationship.
Jay Cee 3 months ago
Mine would rehearse things in her mind over and over and convince herself she'd told me something. Like how she was taking our two daughters to Poland for Christmas . . . on 17th December! "But I told you MONTHS ago!" Nope.
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Kabuki Kitsune 9 months ago
The irony is, therapists will note that this behavior is signs of an a*****e relationship. Not that he is being a*****e, but the partner posting this. Meaning that if a person is afraid to voice their concerns over a problem, that person is a victim. This is something that needs explored in couples therapy not mocked.
#6
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
DUDE!!! My ex is at it again! She loved this one. "How dare you be upset about the way I'm acting towards you! I just cannot talk to you about this anymore, I'm so hurt that you're hurt!"
Glen Ellyn 9 months ago
"Don't think you can gaslight me into believing that I'm somehow at fault for your feelings." 🙄
It would be an understatement to say that Alexandra’s post was popular. It was a huge success and literally reached millions of people around the globe. It just goes to show how much a relatable topic with room for humor really resonates with people.
At the time of writing, her post was viewed 17.7 million times on TikTok. What’s more, it got more than 1.9 million likes and 184.1 thousand comments. Bored Panda has reached out to Alexandra via Instagram for further comment about the popularity of her post, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
The Harvard Medical School notes that it’s still important to apologize when you’ve hurt or angered someone, even if you don’t believe what you said or did was bad. The same goes for situations where you believe you’re fully in the right and the other person is completely in the wrong: an apology can go a long way.
It’s also important to let go of your ideas about who’s right and wrong in the situation and to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understanding another person’s experiences is a core part of emotional intelligence, which, in turn, lies at the foundation of healthy and productive relationships.
#7
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago (edited)
If you shut up for five minutes I'll tell you whats on my mind
Jonas Fisher 9 months ago
Or maybe share what's on your mind while it's still a small thing rather than waiting for it to become a huge problem.
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Okay, this is a super passive aggressive way to put this, but as I guy I can attest to the fact that we really cannot read your minds. And we are too dense to catch the clues and hints that you guys think are obvious. I think a better approach to an apology of this type is to be honest but also recognize that her feelings were still hurt. "I am really sorry that I messed up, and that I hurt you. I wish I had known what you needed from me, and I would have done better. In the future I will try and be more clear about what I need from you, if you could be more clear about what you need from me. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you again."
Tabitha 9 months ago (edited)
Now, I have encountered people who expect others to read their minds and “just know” what they want, while they remain stone faced and give zero hints. And no, I am not a motormouth, so they have plenty of opportunities to tell me what they want. So I have said this exact phrase to those people because it’s the damned truth. I cannot read minds. Period. If you want something, SPEAK TF UP!
#8
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
This one is a bit tricky. Maybe he really didn't intend something to be taken a certain way. For instance "Honey I'm worried about you, you haven't gone to the gym in two weeks, and you used to love it". "Oh so you think I'm lazy is that it?". "It wasn't my intention to accuse you of being lazy, and I'm sorry if that's what you heard." .... no you're right it is a non-apology.
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ohjojo (you/your's) 9 months ago
I actually think this one is okay. I would accept this as an apology
Jonas Fisher 9 months ago
Why is this one bad? I've been in this guy's position, having taken no bad actions, but due to mistake or misunderstanding, my gf at the time was mad at me. Should I have given an actual apology, knowing I'm lying?
Sue User 9 months ago
Same but reverse. How do you acknowlege their feelings but not accept blame ?
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Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
Erm yes it very much was !! So far lol all of these have got me well triggered with my ptsd n all the years I was living married to a coercive t**t as turned me in to a shell n terrier of life by saying these comments like it’s my fault MEN DO BETTER !
Naturally, an apology doesn’t really matter if it’s not genuine. If you don’t mean it, why bother saying ‘sorry’ at all? When your apology is genuine, not only do you acknowledge your responsibility for your actions, but you also validate the other person’s (hurt) feelings.
In short, a real apology shows not only that you’re sorry and that you care about the other individual but that you’re also going to make amends and avoid similar mistakes in the future.
#10
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
Another passive aggressive one. It's basically saying, I don't care what I did to hurt you, because you will either accept that I won't change, or you will move on and I don't care which one it is.
#11
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I loved the silent treatment. It was my time to experience peace
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Psychiatrist and apology expert Dr. Aaron Lazare explained that good apologies have four elements.
First, you have to acknowledge the offense and confirm that your behavior was unacceptable. One potential pitfall to avoid here is the use of vague or evasive language. You should not word your apology in a way that minimizes your offense or the victim’s level of hurt.
#13
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
This isn't helpful either. Saying I'm sorry is fine, and it's a start. But what we'd really like to get to is a solution which prevents whatever happened from happening again. At least that's what I'd like out of an argument.
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#15
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Why not you do eveytime you sau such and such didn't treat you like this
Secondly, you should take the time to explain exactly what happened. However, you have to balance things delicately here. You want to offer an explanation without seeming like you’re excusing your behavior.
With that in mind, the Harvard Medical School points out that sometimes the best strategy is to say that “there is no excuse.”
#16
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
I have been this guy. I have apologized, I have tried to come to a solution on how to avoid messing up again, but I'm still getting yelled at. I really don't know what I can do at this point, and I just want the barrage of verbal abuse to stop. But there's really nothing I can say, I just have to sit there and take it.
Ms.GB 9 months ago
There are a*****e and manipulative people of both genders. If you don't think your partner is like that then therapy is a good option but if you suspect they're the type of person that just wants drama or wants to feel powerful or nit picky on purpose there's nothing you can do but leave. Not everyone is rational.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 9 months ago
Well, if you’re not even giving them a hint at what you want, then this is kind of valid. (This is not just a man thing. I have had boyfriends who were just as hard to please as many men think women are, and I have had occasion to make this exact statement myself, as well as a couple of the others in this article, because I never could get a handle on what they wanted, and never really knew how I stood with them. It’s a really s****y thing to have to walk on eggshells around someone you care about—-and who is supposed to care about you and your feelings too.)
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
The truth would be nice, said with the use of words that don't require bleeps and said with respect
Screeching Owl 9 months ago
Again! Why'd you get downvoted?? Upvote also.
Load More Replies... ohjojo (you/your's) 9 months ago
well think about it for a moment and then give it another try
Screeching Owl 9 months ago
No idea why you got downvoted! Have my upvote
Load More Replies... #17
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
No, you're not even best at being lousy. Just a miserable third rate sort of bad guy.
Kabuki Kitsune 9 months ago
If you're the one causing that situation, maybe back up and ask yourself what you've said or done that prompted that response. Specifically, that reads like you're saying you're smarter, or better than the partner. A kind of superiority complex. Which isn't good in a relationship.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Right now yes. You have good points but not when your act like this
#18
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
That's fine as long as it ends with "... here is my plan to make sure this doesn't happen again"
Binny Tutera 9 months ago
I’m sorry but I was just saying what I thought you wanted to hear so you would stay with me.
The third element of a truly good apology is to express remorse. In short, if you really regret your decision and feel ashamed, you should speak up. The last element is offering to make amends.
This is fairly straightforward if you’ve physically damaged someone’s things or property; you offer to pay to get it repaired or replace the item. However, when you’ve hurt someone’s feelings, you should acknowledge the pain they felt while promising to do better moving forward.
#19
Kabuki Kitsune 9 months ago (edited)
If you aren't dropping hints or outright telling him about what you want, and are instead just sitting there all pissed and grumpy, because you've decided the silent treatment is the best solution... it ain't going to work. You're going to get this answer, right up to the point that your partner decides you aren't worth the trouble and breaks up with you, files for divorce (and uses that behavior against you in court), or just walks out the door and never leaves. Now, when that inevitably happens, don't go to social media and talk about how you were blindsided by that behavior. You brought that on yourself.
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Ok ill write it down for you using words of less than one syllable for you then
#20
Glen Ellyn 9 months ago
Sorry. No Brownie points for you. (Brownie points are an imaginary social currency, which can be acquired by doing good deeds or earning favor in the eyes of another, often one's spouse.)
Stephanie Did It 9 months ago (edited)
A relative who helped to raise me used that as preemptive punishment: "Well I WAS going to take you for ice cream, but since you can't behave, you can forget about it." She knew how crushing it was. Or maybe it was a gift that I suddenly didn't deserve even though I never knew about it. Bullies are very good at this.
Michael Largey 9 months ago
Not buying flowers even though you thought about it is much worse than not buying flowers because you didn't think of it.
BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago
Funny how "I meant to" and "I thought about it" never gets anything accomplished. 🤔
#21
BeesEelsAndPups 9 months ago
So much passive aggressiveness. It's the worst! "I am sorry I ruined the evening, I hope I can make it up to you". OR "What can I do to get things back on track so that our evening doesn't end like this?" Maybe the answer is nothing btw, and you have to accept that. People sometimes need to process their feelings. FFS!! Open communication is so much better than this nonsense. This whole series is triggering some kind of PTSD from past relationships.
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Yip, the sofa is over there feel free to sleep there or a motel, but I'm not putting up with that behavior in my bed (I'm live alone so this works for me)
Reporting on the book ‘Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies,’ by Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy, NPR states that there are six and a half steps to making great apologies.
For one, you should say that you’re actually sorry, not that you’re devastated or that you regret something. Furthermore, you should be specific about what it is you’re apologizing for.
#22
Kabuki Kitsune 9 months ago
If he's saying this, then your behavior is at question. It points to you always talking down to him, blaming every problem, regardless of cause, on him, and treating him like he's the whole reason anything bad happens. You are the problem in this relationship, and if he's smart he drops you like a bad habit.
Ms.GB 9 months ago (edited)
Not always because my parents used to do this anytime I brought up something they did as we were growing up that I didn't think was right. Some people use it to try to emotionally manipulate you when they don't want to take responsibility for their actions "Oh I guess I'm just a bad person." Those are actually my Dad's exact words when he kept telling me he didn't understand why my brother didn't like him or why he had depression and drinking problems. I had to tell him "Look, I've gotten to a point in my life where I understand you are just a person who only knew how they were raised but there have been a lot of studies done on the effects of physical abuse/punishment on children. We literally used to pee our pants when you came home we were so scared. So I can't find it surprising that he feels that way or has those problems. I have too and so have you." Then he throws a pity party. I still had a relationship with my dad as an adult but my brother held that grudge till the day he died. He actually told me he was relieved when our dad passed and he's still holding that grudge...it's literally killing him.
Load More Replies... #23
Next, you want to take ownership of your behavior, avoid making excuses, and explain why your mistake won’t happen again in the future. You should also make reparations for your mess-up.
The last (half of a) step when apologizing is to genuinely listen to the person you’ve hurt so they can have their say.
#25
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Ok we can talk about it at work. I'll be there at 10. In fact it's a good time for me to. Make sure there's a chair next to your desk
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
This is because y'all like to bring up BS when were busy at work and have no time to talk.
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
Fine. Get your diary out and we'll arrange a time. Because we are doing this.
#26
According to Ingall, using the word ‘regret’ is all about how you feel while ‘sorry’ is about how the other person feels. In other words, it’s vital to “keep the other person’s feelings at top of mind.”
A genuine apology can be very powerful even if it comes late, helping people heal and move on.
#28
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Sometimes that is a valid reaction, if it's a pattern of behavior kick him out as its emotional blackmail p
#29
#30
Stephanie Did It 9 months ago
"I'm trying to quit smoking (or whatever) and I'm in a bad mood so you need to put up with me"
OzzyTheMano (They/Them) 9 months ago
"my great great grandma has been buried 6 feet under the ground in 1933 and i'm upset about it"
How good would you say you are at apologizing, dear Pandas? How often do you run into people who make half-baked apologies or try to twist the situation in their favor? What is the very best apology that you’ve ever received?
Why do you think people find it so difficult to take responsibility for their actions? If you have a free moment, share your thoughts in the comments below.
#31
#33
Ace 9 months ago
Sometimes though, you think you've told them, but your hints and suggestions have not been interpreted correctly. Men often need very direct communication; women often use indirect communication and feel that they've given enough information such that specific and exact words and statements are not necessary.
Helena 9 months ago
If you need explicit directions in how to human, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.
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#36
#39
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Ok, I'll belive you if you can find three academic articles, that are peer reviewed I can read that prove your argument
#40
#41
Michael Largey 9 months ago
Yes, you can't change who your boyfriend is. But you can change who your boyfriend is.
#42
Livingwithcfs 9 months ago
Oh thats a cop-out answer if ever. Didn't tell because he knew it was wrong in tge first place
#43
#47
#59
Ty Stratton-Quirk 9 months ago
"In 2003, Billy was eight, I was nine, and he'd just gotten a new hamster!!!"
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What do you think ?
Little Bit 9 months ago
My ex-husband was a professional narcissist so obviously he was never ever wrong. Even when I could prove myself 100% correct he would twist things to make it look like I was in the wrong. He never said he was sorry (because in his mind there was nothing to say sorry about). His way of apologising was to buy me an expensive gift. Or when he'd finished shouting, stamping, throwing things around and smashing things up I would leave the room and then he would call out in a really cheerful voice, "Do you fancy going to the cinema?" Or "Shall we go out to a restaurant? I'll take you a club later."
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
I've heard every single one of these posts come out of a woman's mouth.
Maria Virginia Marcos 9 months ago
This has absolutely nothing to do with the male gender, I have heard it just as many times from the female gender as well.
SirWriteALot 9 months ago
I don't like these "nja nja men are awful" / "njanjanja women are awful" compilations. If you're thinking like these screenshots chances are you are the problem, not the partner.
JoeKing 9 months ago
Stop picking a**holes and try dating a sweet, caring guy with emotions? Only got your self to blame for picking the bad boy!!
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
I don't know why you're being downvoted. It is absolutely true.
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Kabuki Kitsune 9 months ago
To be quite honest, a large number of these, close to 90% are markers of an a*****e relationship. Not that the male is being a*****e though. Rather markers that the female is the a****r. Diminishing feelings, targeting for blame, gaslighting, and full on emotional abuse.
Little Bit 9 months ago
My ex-husband was a professional narcissist so obviously he was never ever wrong. Even when I could prove myself 100% correct he would twist things to make it look like I was in the wrong. He never said he was sorry (because in his mind there was nothing to say sorry about). His way of apologising was to buy me an expensive gift. Or when he'd finished shouting, stamping, throwing things around and smashing things up I would leave the room and then he would call out in a really cheerful voice, "Do you fancy going to the cinema?" Or "Shall we go out to a restaurant? I'll take you a club later."
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
I've heard every single one of these posts come out of a woman's mouth.
Maria Virginia Marcos 9 months ago
This has absolutely nothing to do with the male gender, I have heard it just as many times from the female gender as well.
SirWriteALot 9 months ago
I don't like these "nja nja men are awful" / "njanjanja women are awful" compilations. If you're thinking like these screenshots chances are you are the problem, not the partner.
JoeKing 9 months ago
Stop picking a**holes and try dating a sweet, caring guy with emotions? Only got your self to blame for picking the bad boy!!
Charles McChristy 9 months ago
I don't know why you're being downvoted. It is absolutely true.
Load More Replies... Kabuki Kitsune 9 months ago
To be quite honest, a large number of these, close to 90% are markers of an a*****e relationship. Not that the male is being a*****e though. Rather markers that the female is the a****r. Diminishing feelings, targeting for blame, gaslighting, and full on emotional abuse.
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