Hey Pandas, AITA For Feeling Let Down By My Sister’s BF On Valentine’s?
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Both my sister and I have boyfriends. We are close in age and have been good friends since we were young. My sister (let’s call her Alice) is a very romantic person by nature and has been with her boyfriend (Trevor) for over a year. She adores him, and he seems nice.
My boyfriend and I got together just before Valentine’s, and I am not nearly as romantic, and my boyfriend knows that.
When Alice and I discussed Valentine’s plans (as girls do), she was super hyped about it
Image credits: Vincenzo Landino (not the actual photo)
She was planning this whole night with Trevor, with her wearing his favorite dress and going to a nice restaurant and everything.
I was happy for her because I know how much she loves all that romantic stuff… My boyfriend and I just planned to hang out that day instead of “doing” something because our relationship was new.
Come Valentine’s, my boyfriend shows up with roses, a whole bag of chocolates and candy, a stuffed animal with hearts, a hand-written card, and everything
Image credits: JESHOOTS.COM (not the actual photo)
It was a little excessive, but it made me feel very special, and I know he tried so hard.
I was so excited to hear how Alice’s Valentine’s went too.
But when I talked to her, she was just like, “Oh, we didn’t do anything”
Image credits: Luca Iaconelli (not the actual photo)
I was like, “Oh, no. Why?”
She just said that Trevor “doesn’t really do Valentine’s.” I thought it was a lame answer, so I pried a little further, and he didn’t get her flowers or anything and didn’t even want a date night. She kept saying things like, “Oh, but I’m not really a flower girl anyway.”
I was kinda upset at Trevor because she was so excited and had made plans, but my boyfriend says it’s none of my business, really.
My boyfriend says Trevor has been in several relationships, so maybe Valentine’s isn’t special anymore, but I think he could have at least done it for her sake.
AITA for being upset, or is it really none of my business, and maybe I’m being too sensitive?
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Your sister needs to find her voice and advocate for herself. It's wonderful that you are upset for her and that she has such a supportive friend in you. But ultimately she is the one in the relationship. She cant tell him she 'is not into flowers' and remain upset without telling her boyfriend she was disappointed and that she had hoped for a little romance. If she does not speak up, she will get exactly the same thing next year. The best thing you can do is encourage her to communicate with her boyfriend.
I would like to say to the girl in the story to be careful about getting involved cause it might affect her relationship with her sister. When getting involved in another couples relationship or problems keep in mind that they might reconcile and cut you out. Sad but it happens.
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I wouldn't mind if you would ask your sisters boyfriend next time when it's near valentines day: "So are you going to do something this year? My sister would really like it." Maybe he is just totally clueless and needs his eyes opened.
Debbie, definitely not. It's fine to talk to the sister about relationships, and how love/commitment is expressed, and what she needs in a relation. However to talk to the boyfriend is simply meddling.
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You have every right to feel disappointed for your sister being deprived of celebrating Valentine. But I don't think you should insist about it if she's not willing to talk. Be there for her, listen to her, and if she's mentioning it again, perhaps say you think she deserves her boyfriend to make the effort for her, that she's deserving better. But you shouldn't confront the boyfriend or needle your sister. Especially as Valentine is long ago. Keep a watchful eye on her wellbeing though NTA
Your sister needs to find her voice and advocate for herself. It's wonderful that you are upset for her and that she has such a supportive friend in you. But ultimately she is the one in the relationship. She cant tell him she 'is not into flowers' and remain upset without telling her boyfriend she was disappointed and that she had hoped for a little romance. If she does not speak up, she will get exactly the same thing next year. The best thing you can do is encourage her to communicate with her boyfriend.
I would like to say to the girl in the story to be careful about getting involved cause it might affect her relationship with her sister. When getting involved in another couples relationship or problems keep in mind that they might reconcile and cut you out. Sad but it happens.
Load More Replies... I wouldn't mind if you would ask your sisters boyfriend next time when it's near valentines day: "So are you going to do something this year? My sister would really like it." Maybe he is just totally clueless and needs his eyes opened.
Debbie, definitely not. It's fine to talk to the sister about relationships, and how love/commitment is expressed, and what she needs in a relation. However to talk to the boyfriend is simply meddling.
Load More Replies... You have every right to feel disappointed for your sister being deprived of celebrating Valentine. But I don't think you should insist about it if she's not willing to talk. Be there for her, listen to her, and if she's mentioning it again, perhaps say you think she deserves her boyfriend to make the effort for her, that she's deserving better. But you shouldn't confront the boyfriend or needle your sister. Especially as Valentine is long ago. Keep a watchful eye on her wellbeing though NTA
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