Big Life Journal: 30 Simple Parenting Tips That Can Make A Huge Difference

It’s harsh trying to navigate emotions and situations without proper support. My mom will literally worry herself sick so I’ve withheld a lot from her, and the rest of my family so she won’t hear from someone else, and it’s very lonely and stressful.

Same. i can't say anything to my dad without him analyzing it and telling me what i should be doing instead. fun.

Neither of my parents ever gave a dam.

i havnt came out to my family as genderfluid yet (amab) but my dad finally figured out to respect me for me and got me black lipstick today (i never asked him for make-up)

either the meaning of the word respect has changed in the last 30 years or .... no.... it's changed the last 30 years. It's not you. *disappointed sigh

Agreed. For example, "Look but don't touch." That rule goes in stores.

The point of these is to remember children will not magically remember and enact the rules you give them perfectly on the first try. Dont take very young children to the china shop. Watch your child to ensure they remember not to touch. Remind them, but remember they are not deliberately misbehaving the first time they forget. Be close to them, so that you can prevent any problems. No need to assume the worst and accuse them of not listening to you the first time they forget or make a mistake.

The church I went to as a teen had to learn to cope with children being children. I mean, the minister was already understanding and accepting of everyone, including wearing whatever they felt comfortable. The older members on the other hand, particularly the ones without kids of their own, had some lessons to learn. My sister was 2 1/2 when we started going there, and was undiagnosed ADHD. She would run all around the church when a part of the service caught her attention, including one day when she ran up past the minister and the alter to the choir section where my grandma was, almost knocking over a vase! Anyway, the minister was great at welcoming children and presenting worship in ways to engage them, but also encouraged the adults to join in. So interactive stories while sitting on the floor, singing songs in rounds across the sections of the church, having clapping sticks, bells etc for the kids to pick up and play during hymns.

If you don't take your children to places where they can practice how to behave and function in society, then they won't learn.

yep! every child needs to hear that :D

That's my go to line to stop an argument with my little kids, why can't i play in the street at 4 mom! Because i love you. That's not fair i want to climb the fence and jump from the top, so and so did why can't i? Because i love you darling.

It's not for resilience. It's for emoting

Very true

They’re not meant to. Patience until they’re eight. Most children feel happy and secure in their own room long before. They’ll sneak in until they’re eleven - for a little comfort in times of need sometimes.

It's okay, it's a precious time that will go quickly, and before you know it, your now-kid won't want to sleep with you anymore. Enjoy it.

Why r u making a toddler sleep alone!??? Do u want them to be behaviourally & emotionally challenged

My kid hates talking about his day even though I still insist on it. The truth is that kids are individuals and these perfect cookie cutter advice things aren't always a good fit for the child or the family. Asking my 7 year old what he's looking forward to for the day would earn me a grunt or a grouchy answer

I have no research to back me up, but I'm pretty sure people are more likely to be afraid of physical contact if it was forced on them. Similarly, kids who had food shoved down their throats seem to develop eating disorders more often later in life (again, anecdotal). Sharing is to be encouraged, but the child needs to know it shouldn't be at their expense (sacrifice). „and teaching them they have no responsibility for the feelings of others is simply bad parenting.” This, I simply disagree with. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions, and in my opinion if everyone took care of those, the world would be a better place.

That's why I say something like "can I have a hug" or "do you think playing with your brother would be more fun than playing alone?"

Actually noone has responsibility for the feelings of others. We have a responsibility to treat other people well through our actions. Basic respect for everyone, earned respect for thise who have earned, kindness for those we wish to be kind to. Doesnt mean they will necessarily feel how we want them to about our actions, because we arent responsible for their feelings.

I agree that this is nuanced. If a child is being unkind its important to teach empathy. If they are feeling frustrated and act unkindly to another by breaking thier toy or saying something mean (I'm not your friend! is a common one with smalls) for example, those actions will impact the other's emotions. The child needs to take responsibility for that action through assertive reparation and part of that is acknowledging thier actions impact the emotions of others. They can't control other's emotions but they can manage thier actions in an empathetic way. More empathetic people will make the world a better place for sure. Of course the source of frustration (or the big feeling that caused the unkind action) and better ways to manage these feelings should be explored using kind curiosity. Very important life skills! Control over your body of course - you don't have to hug - what way are you comfortable greeting? Key social skills.

THIS!!!!

I read that as "let children be children and don't make them their siblings' keepers" thing.

I think it's more like I did this because... This is the reaction I had and I own it, this is the reasons why I chose to act this way but nobody made me act this way it was a choice. Knowing the reason can help you support a child to consider alternatives such as asking the other person to please move so they can get past or approach someone for help. It's important to ensure children learn that the actions of others do not excuse their actions, it can however align differently with values. I chose to stand up to bully because I believe it was the right thing to do and I chose to use physical force in self defence. This way they can't be like oh they hit me so I beat him till they were bruised and bloody 🙄

Me too. I want to know why. Yes, the kid did something. Probably bad. But bad is not always that bad. And probably my kid did just right by pushing somebody. Sorry not sorry. I love the idea of all this pink unicornish verbal dealing with bullies but it doesn’t always work great in real life.

agreed. It's like ignoring "but it was only self defence!" or "but it was an accident!" or "but (responsible adult) told me I was allowed to!" or "but (person) threatened me if i didnt do it!"

Funny thing is, in some cultures it's rude to expect a thank you from someone for doing something. I was in a Cultural Anthropology Class in college and I read an article about a guy that was studying a group in Africa. He got an ox for the group on his last day so they could have a feast. Most of the group complained about how stringy and flavorless the meat was. He didn't take it personal because, in this group, you don't give something to get praise and be boastful. You are expected to provide for the group and the insults are meant to keep you humble and prevent you from getting too proud about it.

Sometimes it really is more polite to keep your feelings to yourself, in order to save someone else’s. Otherwise, you end up with a kid who grows up to be one of those people who boast about how they’re “just being honest” about their feelings and opinions, when the reality is that they’re just being rude and insulting.