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“The Work Is Never Done”: 30 Traditional Wives From the 20th Century Share Their Real Experiences
There are so many trends online it might be difficult to keep up. But if you’ve spent at least some time on social media lately, you might have seen a woman or two making something from scratch in the kitchen dressed as someone straight from the 1950s.
If you were wondering if time travel has suddenly become a thing, you’re mistaken. It’s not that. It’s the so-called ‘tradwives’ taking the internet by storm, shedding light on a lifestyle based on traditional gender roles, and, well… cooking stuff from scratch.
With the woman in the family being dependent on the man, the sole breadwinner in the household, it resembles (to some extent, at least) women’s lives back in the '50s, but the two are not entirely the same. If you’re wondering what some of the differences are or what actual traditional housewives from the 1950s would like to say to their 21st-century counterparts, scroll down to find their messages, as shared on Reddit, and see for yourself what they want the younger generation to know about such a lifestyle.
If you scroll down, you will also find Bored Panda’s interviews with the incoming assistant professor at Purchase College in New York, author of ‘What ‘Real’ Women Want: Alt-Right Femininity Vlogs as an Anti-Feminist Populist Aesthetic’, Dr. Megan L. Zahay, and the award-winning journalist and author, creator of the podcast ‘Under the Influence’, Jo Piazza, who were kind enough to share their thoughts on the tradwife lifestyle and the influencers who endorse it.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My grandmother raised 5 kids on the prairies in the 40s. She worked from before dawn until midnight.
She almost died from one homebirth and had to get up with a broken pelvis 2 days later to help with the farm.
She wasn't allowed to wear pants or cut her hair and slaved her entire life. She had little or no agency in anything. Don't be like that.
Lauren Caswell 1 year ago
This needs to be a caveat to cut through the rosy tint so many naive young people are viewing the past with.
Rinso The Red 1 year ago
Nostalgia - the longing for something that never really existed in the first place
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Tamra 1 year ago
That second to last sentence is so important. Women simply did not have the agency to better their own lives. Women have fought so hard, for so long to be able to determine the course of our own lives, and I think the new wave of trad wives have forgotten this. It's fine if you choose that and you're happy with it, just be aware that if you give up any kind of career, you are at the financial mercy of another person.
Charlotte 1 year ago
But sadly not uncommon to be expected to hop right back up after childbirth injury
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Old Fart Panda 1 year ago
The people telling you women wen were all happy are lying to you. In fact, it was so well known that women were unhappy that the Rolling Stones wrote a very popular song about how rampant the use of pills were by housewives. Look it up. "Mother's Little Helper" "And she goes running for the shelter Of her mother's little helper And two help her on her way Get her through her busy day Doctor, please Some more of these" Outside the door She took four more What a drag it is getting old" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt0rbxl73TI
LadyReads 1 year ago
It's crazy how many women were drugged to help them deal with the despair from being trapped in their life. Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique and Gloria Steinem's writings should be required reading for all high school students.
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Elizabeth Shelton 1 year ago
You can't judge the past based on the knowledge you have today.You can only learn what it was and accept the facts for the facts.
Anaïs Grobin 1 year ago
You can when you're old like me, and have actually talked with these women. No, they weren't happy about it. That's why so many fought to change things. They weren't seeking change because it was beneficial and enjoyable, and often the struggle wasn't even necessary, just the easiest solution to benefit their spouse.
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Charlotte 1 year ago
Did she? Or did her body simply give out at that.point?
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#2
I’m not a woman, so this will rightly languish down the bottom of the page, but the tradwife resurgence amongst young women, especially as it’s emerging from the right, is not yet old enough to have experienced that the next step after trad-wife is trad-betrayed-wife-in-an-anti-divorce-culture
BoredPossum 1 year ago
I'm not a woman either, and I'm horrified that there are men who want a tradwife. How can anyone want another person to give up their chances of having freedom?
B 1 year ago
I will yell this from the highest mountain a million times a day. I have been working since I was 14 continued to work once my child was born. Once he was in high school I went to work full time ,5 years later My husband got sick & became disabled / unable to work . I wound up supporting us & still do if I had been a Trad wife we would have lost everything. Protect yourself & your family & get a job
Goe 1 year ago (edited)
Did you know that divorce is one of the leading causes of poverty among women? And that women in divorce disproportionately get custody of the kids, which interferes with a woman's ability to go back to school, date, etc.?
Charlotte 1 year ago
And back when divorce was hard to get, it was widow hood
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hearditontheX 1 year ago
Ladies u must always be able to support yourself and children. Marriage is no guarantee of financial support. My Dad did in an accident when I was 16 - had 3 younger siblings. Mom provided for us bc she owned a small business. This was 1970
Caramello 1 year ago
We're already seeing talk of eliminating no-fault divorce in the US, which could result in people being stuck in awful marriages.
Eva 1 year ago
I'm glad I made a decision a long time ago to not get married. Not worth risking the financial or mental burden if things go south or just don't work out.
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robin aldrich 1 year ago
And let's (NOT) go back to those days when men could just up and leave their family and not have any responsibility to support the ones they just left while starting a new one...
Pandroid Rebellion 1 year ago (edited)
There is a REASON the previous generation largely turned our backs on that lifestyle en masse even when it was financially feasible. Lots of reasons. Post divorce poverty, no autonomy, watching our moms get traded in, etc etc etc...it is a lovely gig if you can get it. But in 20 years most find they have no job, no work history, no savings, no social security, no marketable skills and no husband. It is not worth the risk. Not sorry. Happy, child free homeowner with no regrets. Or stretch marks.
#3
Not me. I got married in the 90s. But all the women in my grandmother’s and mother’s generations fit that bill, and they were miserable and trapped and dehumanized and left with no options and it made them mean. They didn’t choose that lifestyle, and they barely chose their husbands. They were forced into it by a lack of other viable options and the pressure of their families. Most were just grateful to have found someone to support them, without much regard for whether they liked them or not.
It’s the choice that matters. As long as you choose that lifestyle and choose your partner and it makes you happy? Terrific. But there are still people alive who would gladly force women back into having no choice and no options because that was easier for men. Be careful that you are not on a slippery slope back to that hell scape because I’m here to tell you, I didn’t know one happy woman in those generations.
Poison Ivy/Boo 1 year ago
Reminds me of my grandma on my dad's side and my mother. Neither of them were happy. It broke my heart to watch how the men treated them. Common denominator....my dad's side. They were horrible to women!
Kara 1 year ago (edited)
Sounds like how my dad treated my mom. He often spoke to her like she was stupid, and had no brain. Basically did the same thing with me. I remember asking my mom to get a divorce when I was maybe 8 or 9. They finally did in 2015. Better late than never. My mom is much happier now.
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Kirsten Kerkhof 1 year ago
My grandmother was a woman with a brilliant mind and endless ambition, and absolutely no desire to have children. But she was born the eldest girl in a farmers family in 1921, so she got married, and had 12 children whose childhoods she messed up by not wanting them. I know I wouldn't have been born, but my goodness, how I wish she could have lived two generations later, remained childfree and followed her ambitions. She would have made a tremendous businesswoman or scientist.
Tamra 1 year ago
Your comment made me wonder at how many contributions to science, art and humanity were lost because one sex felt the need to dominate, silence, and subjugate the other sex.
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CheaderMan 1 year ago
After my grandfather passed my grandmother told her eldest boy that, while she did love my grandfather, it was like finally being set free. No more having to wake up before anyone else to serve everyone else. No more being yelled at for the house not being clean enough. Finally, she was able to make her own decisions about what to cook and eat. My dad, who admired his father, and wanted nothing more than to be just like him, did not take the news very well.
Cheryl Robinson-Atwood 1 year ago
I got married in 1972, age 17. My father had refused to help me go to college, and Mom had picked out a husband for me. Husband didn't want me working, and there were few to no decent employment opportunities in our rural area. I stayed home for nearly twenty years, raising kids and tobacco. I f'kin hated every minute of it, other than loving my babies. I dreamed of divorce nearly every day, even though the husband was fairly decent. I finally found a backbone and took myself to nursing school, and on to a career. I developed my self-respect, fell in love with the husband (although I still have a hard time with forgiveness for those twenty years), and gave the kids a better life through having more money and a happier mom. Tradwife life is fine, if a woman genuinely wants it, but it leaves her powerless and vulnerable. Get an education, and have a potential career as back-up in case the marriage thing goes down the tubes. You'll come to hate yourself if you don't.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Of course they were mean and unfulfilled... they had baby after baby after baby- no birth control was available and Society taught them they must always submit to the needs of the husband ...probably many suffered from postpartum depression but doctors would just tell him to suck it up and be a good mom and wife...
Kate Mozier-Tichy 1 year ago
Idk how I lucked out, but I am so grateful that all of my grandmothers worked, and even my great-grandmothers who didn't work ruled the roost. And made it very clear. Also, many of them eloped.
Linda Wicker 1 year ago
My mother died in 1998, having married at 16, raised 6 kids, when she was 72. She told me that she hoped she outlived my dad so she could have peace in her life. She didn't outlive him, but I divorced my husband to get the peace she never had.
Diana Schlafer 1 year ago
I'm sorry all the women in your family were miserable. My family was exactly the opposite. Everyone (me (Baby Boomer), my mom, my grandmother, and my great-grandmother all married for love. My mother and grandmother also had jobs/careers - in addition to working on their farm in the early years. They worked hard, but they were a team. Honestly I've had to try hard sometimes to live up to the examples they set.
According to the award-winning journalist, author of The Sicilian Inheritance and other bestsellers, and creator of the Under the Influence podcast, Jo Piazza, the whole point of the original tradwife movement was that they don’t work, don’t make their own money, and don’t have ambitions outside the home and are submissive to their husbands.
“It was originally a niche on social media that grew because it caused dissent—and social media loves dissent—and because much of the content was visually attractive and aspirational in its simplicity,” Jo told Bored Panda. “It has since grown to encompass a number of women who are cosplaying at domesticity to gain traction on social media.”
#4
My mom was a tradwife.
Based on conversations with her over the years, she'd probably tell those young women: "There's nothing wrong with learning and mastering the domestic arts. You should always be proud of yourself for learning new skills and keeping a nice home.
But 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' also applies here. In this modern age, things change so quickly. Relationships, geographic location, even family. You need to be comfortable having the skills to take care of yourself too -- not just your house and your husband.
It's much better to view homemaking as a hobby rather than your raison d'être.
We did lived that way because we had to. But people also used to drink wine because the water wasn't safe to consume. Just because it's traditional, doesn't make it good."
Elizabeth Shelton 1 year ago
It's about choice, but you also have to have your eyes open when you go into this. The women in my family have always told the next generation. Make sure that you have a savings set aside for an emergency. You get a minimum of a college education before you get married. And you make sure you have at least $10K in a safety deposit box, bonds or other investments that they cannot and do not have access to. If you can't afford to do this or you haven't taken the time to do this, you have no business getting married.
Keith Lancaster 1 year ago
Almost all traditions need to be challenged. It really is sad to read about the number off Women who still have no say in their lives
Ace 1 year ago
Alcohol was used in drinks for thousands of years, often diluted in water, and yes, often making the water safe to drink. In Northern Europe (and the American colonies) the daily tipple of choice was fermented barley, with hops added to kill off unwanted bacteria, aka ale or beer. Throughout the late middle ages and up until almost the Victorian period it was normal for everybody to drink what they called "small beer" at around 1-2% ABV instead of raw water. Later on boiled water used in tea and other infusions performed the same role. It was well understood that alcoholic drinks or boiled water were safer to drink than the untreated water available, especially in towns and cities.
Load More Replies... #5
My friend is a tiny bit older than I am but was mother, home-maker, hostess for business dinners-seriously! Gave up her STEM job for the whole mom/wife thing. Husband traded her in for a younger model after 27 years. I would never suggest anyone do this without a viable income.
Howl's sleeping castle 1 year ago
My mum wasnt a typical trad wife. She used to work but it wasn't enough to run a family of 5. She always told us to keep working no matter how rich our husbands would be so that for little things you don't have to ask someone else for money.
Della 1 year ago
Good advice, and kept most of my earnings separate!!! Then when ex started spending on new woman, it wasn't my hard earned paycheck.
Load More Replies... Della 1 year ago
My dad only had daughters, but his own childhood was hard due to the depression, wars, lots of siblings, he was the youngest raised by his sister who married at 16. He was the only one to graduate high school. He taught my sister and me to get a job that you can support yourself on, with benefits, insurance and pension. My sister and I have both been married and divorced, but always were able to dust ourselves off, and take care of business. NEVER rely on ANYONE else to take care of you. Not saying don't get married,etc, but be prepared to cover your own nut. Out of my high school friends, I'm the only one who can manage my life finances on my own, due to good retirement plan. And my ex left me when I was in my 50s for a younger woman after 27 years of marriage. Btw, good riddance.
“The actual percentage of women in the fifties who were living the way these tradwives claim to live now is incredibly low. And those women had no choice or agency in the matter,” Jo continued. “They couldn't apply for credit cards on their own or get a well-paying job that would support them to live well without a husband.”
#6
My grandma didn't really want to get married, and had desperately wanted to become a doctor.
She was married after the partition(India Pakistan)in 1948, it was arranged. Before then she had been quite politically active, having been arrested among others protesting the British occupation.
She ended up going for her masters in the 60s, when her kids were older, but I think she always felt unfulfilled. The great irony is her younger sister(grandma was 20 years older) ended up going to med school and becoming a doctor.
My grandmother was adamant about all of us finishing our education and got mad at my mom when she heard i was taking sewing classes at the community center one summer. She didn't want me stuck doing that type of work.
My grandma taught me how important it was to have your own money, she used to hide and give me cash to get her things, or give me more birthday money or Eid money than my grandpa. She would ask how much he gave and then secretly hand me double.
She taught me that having a career and education is very important for women. I think if she'd had the option she wouldn't have gotten married and probably been child free.
Her MiL and maiden SiL lived with them and caused problems and fights their whole marriage. She never learned to drive bc grandpa wanted SiL to learn also, and my great aunt some how would interfere with every attempt at her being independent. Often being so cruel to my grandmother. And her and grandpa fought most of their lives, even in old age.
She was a very strong woman who taught me strength and to go after my dreams since she didn't get the opportunity to do so.
Sorry for the rant, but she definitely did not want us to become housewives, and tried her best to have her own secret money always.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Bless that woman who remained strong and tried to help Generations who came after her
Cinti Jack 1 year ago
So many women should be child free just because you want a child doesn't mean you will be a good parent. No different than the man who wants a woman to fulfill his needs.
Phyzzi 1 year ago
More importantly, someone else wanting/expecting you to have children doesn't mean you will be a good parent, or that it's a good use of your life or time. Just like literally any job, the best at it have desire and talent, plenty do okay with some measure of each but it's always quite sad to see someone stuck where they have neither desire nor talent. It's just much harder to quit being a parent after realizing it's difficult or "not your thing", and especially harder for women
Load More Replies... Keith Lancaster 1 year ago
No need to apologise for rant that doesn't exist. Your Grandmother sounds amazing an d a real idol for you and your siblings.
Boopasnoot 1 year ago
This woman is the kind of inspiration that sneaks up on you in the best way.
#7
My mother was the typical trapped Christian Trad wife. She had three daughters and told us constantly that we needed to be self-sufficient and never rely on a man. When she was first married as a woman, she could not get her own bank account or credit card without my father's permission. She had no identity other than Mrs. "Dad's first name/Last name". My father kept an iron grip on her and she was very depressed. I made sure that I could always fully support myself. I would never put myself in that position because I grew up seeing the abuse perpetuated on so many women by their husbands. Never, ever, ever give away your power and identity to another. I believe in equal partnership in a relationship.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
I would think having a trad marriage is tremendously stressful on the husband too. He has to work his butt off to have an income to support a non working wife and family. He insists on making all the important decisions about the wife and family which would be an added level of stress no man needs. Probably why men in those relationships often died in their 50's & 60's. Who needs that extra responsibility?
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
That's the entire point of toxic masculinity. It only hurts, even when accomplishing tasks.
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Kate Mozier-Tichy 1 year ago
I asked my mom why she didn't take my father's name as a child and she told me right out, "because I'm not his property" (my dad just shrugged)
Keith Lancaster 1 year ago
Never, ever, ever give away your power and identity to another. Whilst I agree with this sentiment, I need to say that for many women the choice was never there for them. Society has always given women the sh@@ty end of the stick. If you have the choice then do what this person says.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
I want to give your mom a great big hug ....that's all I got... doesn't really fix anything but I just feel like she needs a great big hug...
Karen Philpott 1 year ago
In a Chridtian way of thinking, we, women came from Adams side, to walk beside him and ve his equal. Not from his feet, to get trod on.
#8
Personally I was too young, but lots of women in our family's social circle were Ye Olde Wyfe. Overall, they seemed content enough, but once you really listened to them talking amongst themselves, you could hear faint tendrils of Unhappy.
This one dropped out of Juilliard (although her husband finished his education, naturally), that one left her job at the courthouse as a judge's assistant (although of her husband hadn't left his job, naturally), that one wanted to travel and of course could not (although her husband made frequent business trips, naturally), this one loved sports but certainly couldn't indulge, as a wife and mother, in playing games, (although her husband never missed his days at the golf course, naturally) etc. All of them - every last one of them - had given up Some Thing they had loved or wanted in order to marry and have children, as society dictated they were supposed to do.
The men had not sacrificed anything that I ever heard them mourning over. The men could happily go off to deer camp for a week, the women might go to a 2 hour long Tupperware party presentation.
The wives took refuge in the spotless house and soap operas, mostly. There was a s***ide, a m*rder of a philandering husband, a few had to take pills "for their nerves", some of them were completely flummoxed when their husband died and they were faced with mysteries like writing a check or driving a car.
I always felt faintly sorry for these women. Now I look back and am horrified at all the lost potential, the wasted earning power, the abandoned ambitions, the thwarted dreams, the abnegation of Self that these women embraced because that's just How Things Are, my dear.
"Trad wife" of today does not seem anywhere close to all of that. They can bake their own bread and dress like Beaver Cleaver's mom, but no, it's not quite the same now as it was then.
Kari Panda 1 year ago
"The men had not sacrificed anything" That is the important part here I think. Yes, you make sacrifices - in a relationship but much much more with children. What matters is that a) it’s your choice and not forced (I happily sacrifice a lot for my daughter and don’t mourn it at all) and b) that both partners/parents make sacrifices.
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
I remember reading an article ages ago about a woman who graduated from the university where I did my BA, probably 20-30 years before me. She had a job lined up as a translator for the UN in New York City and over the summer met a rancher in our home province, fell in love, and decided to stay when he asked her to. I thought, I wonder if he’d have given up his business to go to NYC with her and strongly suspect not (nor should he have had to - it was important to him). Societies have really normalized women giving up their dreams to accommodate men’s dreams (or realities) and I worry this tradwife trend will result in more of the same. I suppose now these women are more likely to leave if unhappy (divorce being a viable option) at least
Load More Replies... Kate Mozier-Tichy 1 year ago
And I had a stay at home dad who gave up his job because my mom made more.... he said the truly "masculine" thing is doing what is best for ones family (but also quickly pointed out it had nothing to do with gender)
Phyzzi 1 year ago
It's the mature thing to do, but it's hard whether you are a father, mother, or other guardian. It's hard whether you both work, have help, or devote yourself to being a parent. In part, that's because European cultures and those with roots in the same are fundamentally extractive in nature, which has often just resulted in more and more complex iterations of pyramid schemes lead by people using the same cult leader playbook, so it doesn't matter how much your partner shares responsibilities, most of our cultures tell us to give and then leave us in the cold. Of course this absolutely happens to women more than men, in the same way it happens to teachers and nurses (regardless of race or gender) more than to business owners and bankers. "Western society" has long over-rewarded aggression above production or caretaking (it's not alone, but it does do so quite heavily) and the road away from that has been long and arduous, so it's not just partners who need to be more fair, everyone.
Load More Replies... Pyla 1 year ago
This is so well written it should be higher. Women were trained to just capitulate all dreams, aspirations, and even hopes in the face of "true love" and marriage. the truth is men haven't done that on a cultural level. From the outset of our emergence as a species we've had females die largely due to childbearing. Even women who easily popped out 15-20 kids could eventually die from complications. Now that the percentage is super low, we have this throwback nonsense.
Bette 1 year ago
Not everyone is a "trad wife"! Even in my "antiquated day" most of my peers and I got degrees (plural) - while SIMULTANEOUSLY performing BOTH roles of traditional homemaker and professional in the work force!! Maternity leave, telecommuting and childcare became more common terms because of rising numbers of working women doing it all. 😯
SageHare37 1 year ago
I would remind people that in the 50's, there were magazine ads about unhappy housewives advertising heavy d***s to help them stop being listless. Unhappy wife? Fix it with barbiturates! /s
Lynn Marie 1 year ago
Yes, just as in the song Mother's Little Helper. Women were stoned into compliance of what was expected by society.
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Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
Just recently there was an AITA on here where a man basically assumed his wife would give up her college education and be a SAHM and she couldn't help but laugh at him when he brought it up. Some people actually thought she should be grateful he wanted to "take care" of her. It floored me. Not thinking about him assuming she'd actually just give up an education like that. No one would expect that of a man. Or for him to be grateful all his intellect and need for intellectual stimulation was just totally dismissed. The sacrifices we just assume women will want to make is astounding.
Angie Falzarano 1 year ago (edited)
I worked with a lady (she was in a very simple job, no skill required) who had to have her husband fill out her w2 forms. Because he did all that. She was in late 40s maybe 50s. I asked her one time what she would do if anything happened to her husband and she didn't know how to do any of the important paperwork. Her response nothing is going to happen to him. Only one problem with that logic women outlive men. 8 of 10. That was 35 yrs ago. Hate to see what happened to her.
Old Fart Panda 1 year ago
An actual ad from the '50's because women commonly took barbituates to cope. Trad-wife-...763da6.jpg 
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Excellent report and it IS different nowadays but still if tradwives don't have any resources of their own they'll be shocked when their husband leaves them or someone younger, prettier, bigger boobs ...whatever and they're on their own
According to the host of ‘Under the Influence’, the world is a disaster right now in every possible way, which is why there seems to be a trend based on a false nostalgia – a nostalgia for a faux version of America in the 1950s that never existed outside of sitcoms because people often find it comforting. “If we cling to this false nostalgia where women did not have agency or autonomy, we could roll back the laws that gave women that independence without even realizing what we're doing.
“My biggest fear is broadcasting these images to a generation of young women who I hope will find meaning outside of serving a partner and painting their faces to resemble a sitcom character,” Jo shared. “The majority of these women on social media are performing the idea of being a tradwife to make money. It’s all a scam.”
#9
An English woman I know told me a great story that I think fits here:
She came to America in the 50’s after marrying a G.I. By the 1960’s she had two children. Right after she gave birth to her second child, she developed a really terrible pelvic infection. Like fever, sharp pains, hurt to pee, the whole nine yards.
Her husband was deployed so a neighbor friend drove her and all their children to the hospital. The friend waited in the car with the kids and she walked in alone. She explained at the reception area that she had just given birth and was in terrible pain.
They refused to treat her because she was wearing pants.
They said if she came back in a skirt she could be seen. She frantically made her way back to the car and told her friend what happened. Friend immediately takes off her own skirt in the car and they try to trade bottoms so the English woman could go back in. She couldn’t get the skirt zipped up because she had just had a baby. So they left.
The friend took her to own gynecologist who, after examining her, said that her pelvis was so infected he thought he was going to have to give her a full hysterectomy. She did end up having surgery but he was able to leave all her bits intact. Took her ages to recover and I nearly fell out of my chair listening to this story. We will never know, truly, how bad it was for so many women then. Stories like these don’t often get told and it’s a shame because these women were hard! The s**t they put up with is unreal.
Oh and all this took place in California which surprised me to no end because I thought they’d have been one of the most progressive states for women.
SlothyK8 1 year ago
In California schools (at least the ones my parents attended), women weren't allowed to wear pants in the 50's at all. I think that changed in the 60's. And in the 80's, most office dress codes prohibited women from wearing pants. I started working just after that changed. It was disgraceful.
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GirlFriday 1 year ago
If it was a hospital on a military base, this was very likely. When my father was in Vietnam, my mother got a job on the military base he was deployed from in the US, and the women were made to wear dresses, and many services on the base were not available unless proper dress was worn (uniforms for the men, dresses or skirts for the women). Before they would give my mother the job, she had to have my father's written permission that it was OK for her to work.
SageHare37 1 year ago
I mean, with all the charges against her, the technical reason they burned Joan of Arc was because she wore pants. Discrimination of women wearing pants goes back a ways. Absolutely terrible.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
It was a no no wearing pants ?? wow a dress code to get into a hospital and be treated in an emergency ....that's even more horrible
KillerKiwi 1 year ago (edited)
F*****g awful (the pants wearing part. I mean, could you imagine wearing pants as a woman and then being expected to treated like a human being?! Ridiculous. What was she thinking. /s)
Adrian Perlman 1 year ago
whoever thinks CA is/has always been a liberal paradise because of the Electoral College is sorely mistaken. i'm from seattle and can attest that when you drive an hour outside of the city limits--basically anywhere in the US--it is redneck city. in the North they even have "southern" accents, that's how country it is in the country.
Gina Gartola 1 year ago
Not all of California is progressive, cares about equality and freedom to be who you are.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Wtf?! They were willing to possibly let her die because she was wearing pants?!
#10
My father was visiting family after his mother passed away in her late 80s. As he tells it, the scene was himself, my stepmother, a number of my grandmother’s sisters, and assorted friends of my grandmother and great-aunts, mostly women.
My father was talking to a woman whose husband had recently died. She, like pretty much every woman there, had been married her entire life and had lived as a “tradwife”. At one point, she looked at my father and said, “I had forgotten that men could be kind.”
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Very often cruelty came along with it and that's something I'll never understand
Meena Frost 1 year ago
It seems that Cruelty was the point and it's so upsetting.
Load More Replies... #11
It's terribly risky. You are staking the survival of your self and your children on a man. So many women have been dumped for a trophy girlfriend after twenty years of loyal service to a husband, and left penniless, with no job skills.
Even if your husband doesn't leave you, he may still become disabled and unable to work, or he may die.
If you're gonna be to do this, make sure you have a huge multi million life insurance policy on your husband. Make sure you are funding a retirement plan for yourself out of the family income. In your name only, not your husband's name. Make sure you keep up some sort of resume with a part time job.
Don't let your husband take the attitude that he controls the money because he's the one who earns the paycheck. Remember that the services you provide for free would cost him a lot of money if he has to pay fair market wages for the work you do.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
When I was a kid we were taught a song whose lyrics were, in part: "Supermum, you're wonderful, but very underpaid. Supermum, you're cook and cleaner, handyman and maid! If you put in a bill for all the work you do, there'd be an awful lot of wages due!"
Anke Dieken 1 year ago
I remember a commercial or kind of it: It showed people on a job interview. The interview got worse. "The client is very entitled and demands service immediatly", a highly demanding job. When asked for work times: 24/7. ?!?!? Payment? Nothing - ?!?!?! Well ... thank your mothers today, will ya? End of interview.
Load More Replies... Nimitz 1 year ago
My uncle did this. My aunt was stay at home as he was an environmental engineer in high demand (Exon Valdez etc) and made bank. After 25 years of marriage and 4 kids, he started having an affair with a fellow engineer and divorced my aunt. She hadn't had a job in 25 years, has no real skills. After all that devotion and what seemed like happy loving times, she was left with 1/2 the assets and enough money for a 1 br apartment and he moved on with his career and new wife. She didn't even get compensation for his infidelity, just 1/2 the assets, thank you, next. As you can imagine, she's heading into her retirement and scared
SageHare37 1 year ago
I know someone who did this, my father's college buddy, whose family was friends with ours. He had a family any person would be proud of. Some people need a divorce and by all means be happy, but what he did was pretty bad. He didn't say anything until he got his girlfriend (who is close in age to his daughter) pregnant. Last I heard he and his girlfriend were getting married. Neither of his grown kids will speak to him. I hope his wife got a huge settlement.
SPeters 1 year ago
Growing up with my parents showed me even when the couple is loving, supportive, hard-working and both have CHOSEN the more traditional arrangement, sometimes things happen and the breadwinner can lose their job through no of their own, even multiple times. I was never going to be a trad-wife, but that definitely brought home the necessity for me not to be financially dependent on someone.
Cassandra Griego 1 year ago
I'm now a "trad wife". I'm married for the second time,. I have a prenup that guarantees me $1,000,000 if the marriage ends, and I have a 50% stake in all our properties and businesses. INn a prenup, so it's the law. I worked most of my life and retired early after remarrying. I would not have retired without the ironclad prenup.
Unfortunately, according to Piazza, most people don’t realize that it’s all a scam. “Most young women don’t realize that it is all for show. Most young women will see these beautiful and idealized accounts and think that these women are truly submissive to their husbands or boyfriends, that they have given up their agency and ambition and their power.
“Many young women will internalize that message because there is no disclaimer on Instagram or TikTok saying, ‘This is just a performance for the algorithm so I can make money and get famous’. And that is why this #tradwife life is so dangerous.”
#12
My mother was one. Watching her life is why, at the age of 8, I swore never to have kids. And now, safely post menopausal I can confirm I never did. You will lose yourself completely, everything you think of as you. Will be consumed by the lifestyle. Your bodily autonomy is taken not only by your husband and pregnancy, but taken by your children, your privacy, your time, your thoughts, and your ability to make a decision for yourself. Every decision you make will have to put someone else first because hubby isn't picking up the slack.
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago (edited)
There is no slack for a husband to pick up if you're a 'tradwife'. He man you trad, you property.
Lauren Caswell 1 year ago
This 💯. Property, a chattel. To be handed from father to son-inlaw. Ugh. Someone who respects you would give you a nest egg, a contract, something to protect their spouse so they could "trad" safely.
Load More Replies... Lew k 1 year ago
Having kids doesn't make you a trad wife. I'm insulted on behalf of my wife who is one of the most amazing woman bosses around in her professional life and still is a mother at home. Not only would I never want to assume a trad husband role, she would never let me. Don't confuse trad life with having kids. You can still be a strong independent woman and a mom. Just pick a partner who will share your life and not treat you like unpaid help.
Jo L. 1 year ago
This. I'm home with an almost-3-month-old daughter and was hopeful that I'd return to work when she's 3 months old and Daddy would take over. It looks like with work being slow for the summer, it's likely I'll be home with her until September, but regardless, at some point relatively soon I'll go back to work and he'll take over primary care of our daughter. This was my one condition to have kids: I'm not the only one staying home with a baby. My female colleagues who have had similar arrangements with their husbands report it to have been a massive success, as the kids had so much time to bond with their dads.
Load More Replies... clairebear 1 year ago
This is my mother. Devoted herself to my father and to a lesser degree me and my sister (we would often be left alone or ignored and treated like we were a burden) When he died she had literally no idea who she was. No hobbies, no interests, no friends, no idea how to turn on the heating, no idea how to manage finances, no idea how to have fun or entertain herself. Seriously look after yourself first, if a partner fits in with your life then ok. Do not ever put them on a higher footing than you.
SnackbarKaat 1 year ago (edited)
My mother was one, to look after us kids. She felt it was very looked down upon, Ppl assumed she had ages of time and asked her to be a cleaning lady at their houses, she always refused. Eventually even my dad wanted her Find a job again because he felt like she wasnt doing something very profitable at home. She went to work in a nearby supermarkt a few hours a day and she regained her selfrespect
Ruth Watry 1 year ago
My mom couldn't handle being trad wife, so I was parentified at 7 years old (older brother and 5 younger siblings). Needless to say, like you (for different reasons) post menopause with no kids
Elizabeth Shelton 1 year ago
What is sad commentary. I sold my company and became a stay at home Mom, when my son was born and I wouldn't trade it for anything. That being said I married much later in life. Had my own finances in order and my husband and I partner on everything.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago
This is a bunch of bullpucky. As a Traditional wife and Mom I can guarantee this is false. I did not lose myself, I grew myself. Being a Mom did not take away my identity, it simply added to it. While I do give time and effort to my kids it is time well spent. I didn't lose my future I built one. Sure I could have a career and go to work with a bunch of people who wouldn't care about me and never think of me again, or I can spend time with my family who will remember me for the rest of thier lives. I may never be rich or famous, but that which I have built and the effects of my doings will last long after I am gone. I chose this life, if it makes me happy, then who are you to judge it. A career woman's life might sounds good, but it has its own problems and cons, and is not for every one. I get far more care and respect from my family than I ever got in the career world. (Yes I serve my family, but that is the true function of any leader, to serve your people).
Caroline Neal 1 year ago
I feel so much pity for you. I became a Mother much later in life. (He was a big surprise!) My son is the greatest gift and my greatest love. Yes there were sacrifices to be made, but I would give it all up over and over, because being a good Mom is the greatest thing a woman will ever do with her life.
#13
You are more than your uterus
Ms. Mack 1 year ago
I kicked my uterus out. Two weeks off from work and and $650.00 bill. Pretty good deal. I am sure I paid more than that for tampons, pads and ibuprofen over the years. I wish I could have done it in my thirties.
Load More Replies... Lynn Marie 1 year ago
That's only the Republicans who think that in the U.S.
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Stefi Stoyanova 1 year ago
Well said. Honestly if it weren't for the fact that artificial wombs don't exist yet and I am an only child who has to create grandchildren... I would have torn mine out in my early 20s.
#14
Being a "tradwife" is an idealized version of what the reality was and they are "playing" house. My mother couldn't open a bank account or have credit card or get a prescription for birth control without his permission. For many, many years, she signed her name, Mrs (his name). Her identity WAS his identity. Being a feminist, this all angered her. Yes, you can be feminist and still love men and participate in traditional activities. She enjoyed cooking and baking, took great care of the house, was President of the women's club, etc but as soon as she could, legally, she made sure she had what she needed to take care of herself if she ever needed to. Including birth control, signing HER name, getting her own bank account with money she made, and buying with her own credit.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
It's not the cooking and baking and child rearing and homemaking that's the potential issue, it's making yourself completely dependent on another person. If this is a temporary situation, then sure, that happens, but if it's how you set up your life long-term, you're taking a huge risk.
Joy Myers 1 year ago
Banking in the 80s…we had to have several women resign signature cards because the signed Mrs. John Doe instead of Jane Doe. These were usually seniors, and they got very upset because they were only Mrs. Doe. Had to explain how the signature had to match the Social Security card.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Those rules about bank accounts and credit cards were made by the patriarchal Society and the "reason" was women didn't have any credit history or income...(IF husband cosigned, his income was used) but to get credit history you're encouraged to open a credit card like even a gas station credit card to start... so it was really a catch 22
According to the incoming assistant professor at Purchase College, Dr. Megan L. Zahay, the phenomenon of tradwives is a confluence of ‘girlie’ social media aesthetics and the alt-right. “In fact, some tradwife influencers have both real-life and online connections to known alt-right figures,” she pointed out. “One problematic aspect of the phenomenon is that tradwife content is rarely identified as such by its creators. Social media users looking for content about, for example, baking, femininity, or relationship advice may inadvertently begin consuming tradwife content which covers these topics but also has certain political goals.
“So while users may indeed enjoy an aesthetic baking video, they may also be exposed to messaging that defines ‘real’ womanhood according to an imagined and romanticized version of the mid-20th century housewife. This is problematic because tradwife influencers’ politics and connections to alt-right figures often go on behind the scenes rather than in the content that viewers see, despite the two being intimately connected.”
#15
My mom was born in the 20s. She had more kids (6) than planned and had a lot of housewife pressures. The hard part for her was that her narcissistic husband (my Dad, whom I adored) cut her out of all major decisions. He was successful (Ivy League prof), but very self absorbed, beyond the social norms of the day and more due to his narcissism. She would purposefully set up boundaries to avoid full martyrdom, which I always thought was healthy. She would sleep in until we left the house to go to school, and she’d give herself a nap every afternoon after lunch.
Safe to say she felt very constrained by this role and would have had an interesting career if she been born much later. She was widowed at age 68 and lived another 29 years. In her old age she was very socially involved and LOVED making her own decisions. Sharp to the end, as she outlived her friends, she immersed herself in progressive politics, college and NBA basketball and comedy shows like The Office and 30 Rock. She was lonely as her friends passed, but also loved her solitude.
#16
I was the wife of a minister. But I chose to stay home and raise the kids. I also worked at the church and just took my kids with me everywhere I went. This was my decision and was extremely important to me. I am now a grandmother and I am supporting whatever my kids decide to do. I do believe that being home is important to the growth of a child and the relationship but I made my own decisions with my children and I believe that every other parent has the right to do what they feel is best for their family.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
My mom would say the same. It worked very well for her and Dad, but they would never push it on their children.
SPeters 1 year ago
Ditto. My mum wanted to be a SAHM and my father supported her choice. They both were very vocal to us kids that we should make our own life choices though, and not feel we had to make the same as theirs. My mum never wanted a career, but she LOVES that my sister and I both wanted and have careers.
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Allen Packard 1 year ago
This is the most sensible thing I've read here in some time. Every experience will be different.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
I'm upvoting this bc it's an actual woman talking about her experience, not someone else's. Refreshing to hear a first person account.
Tabitha Dente 1 year ago (edited)
You made your own decision, huh. Did you have awareness of all the other options? How much influence did your religious beliefs have on this decision? Being raised in an environment where being a wife, mother, homemaker is the only viable option, and anything else is discouraged or described as sinful does not foster choice at all, and that's what the pushback on this moment is all about.
#17
I mean, even for “old people“, on Reddit, you’re still talking about our grandmothers, or at best, mothers.
But from what I witnessed of it, it’s thankless and miserable. Financially trapped and controlled. And that’s the GOOD ones.
Bartlet for World Domination 1 year ago (edited)
My grandmother was born around 1915, finished university before the war, had six children who all have higher education, and worked in her profession until retirement. Obviously all 12 grandchildren are feminists.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
Lol no, Strict traditions are alive and well. I'm 31, grew up on a rural farm, and was only allowed to do "appropriate" lady-like things. No karate, even though I wanted to do it and my brother didn't, no building things or using tools at all, etc.
Della 1 year ago
No, I'm ok le enough to be a grandma and I see my friends kids (30ish) being stay home moms, depending on someone else for every single thing, from food, shelter, clothes, EVERYTHING comes from some one else working and providing. One young woman with 2 kids has zero ambition, doesn't work, doesn't take care of her kids either, and thinks having kids is a guarantee of income and provisions. Wth??? I know several similar young ladies.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago
Being a traditional wife is not always trapped and controlled, thankless or miserable. Yes these did happen in the worst case scenarios, but it was not true of every woman. My great grandma was married at 14, but she was never unhappy in her marriage or her children. My great grandpa treated her well. While men aren't perfect, (neither are women) there are good ones out there. Tragically the stories of the good ones are often thrown under the rubble of the bad ones, mostly because we as humans have a strange fascination of drama. This can end up tainting the narrative as harmfully as romanticizing it can. You need both kinds of stories to see the full truth.
Dr. Zahay added that it’s important to remember that much of what we see on social media is idealized, regardless of the creator’s political beliefs. “However, this becomes an issue when users are unknowingly exposed to persuasive political messaging. Hiding such ideas behind popular social media aesthetics can be dangerous, particularly to younger viewers who may be using these platforms to explore their identity and relationships.”
#18
Not me, but my mother who is now in her mid-late 60's. My mother is a tradwife (she had her first child in the mid 80's). Her marriage with my Dad is not a particularly happy one and she drinks quite a bit now all the kids are out of home. She is happiest when he travels for work or she is looking after her grandchildren. I've noticed she can fixate on relationship issues between her and my siblings because she never had much of an education or career (she left school at 15 to become receptionist/secretary) or any sort of life outside of the home.
She only had one friend outside of the women she met through her kids at playgroup, school etc. Menopause was hard as she went through it cold turkey and was married to a man who made it all about how he suffered through her mood swings and completely untreated mental health struggles. She was a wonderful mother - she devoted herself completely to her kids. But I've watched her struggle since we all moved out. I try to take her out, buy her nice gifts and call her regularly (I live in another state). I worry about what will happen when my Dad retires. She has no financial independence at all. I suspect one's experience of the 'tradwife' life is entirely dependent on the man you marry.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Just breaks my heart and I'm so happy at least one of the children looks after her and it's typical of many men who would take something a woman's going through as an inconvenience to him
#19
It is ripe for abuse. It didn't end well for me and now I am disabled. PTSD & a more severe case of EDS than I should've had. Got diagnosed during the divorce process thankfully.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I think THIS is the proper mindset. For some families, it works within healthy boundaries (she CHOOSES to stay home, etc.) but the whole thing is 'ripe for abuse' as OP said.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago
A career life can be ripe for abuse too. Many stories of women abused at work, and thier abusers get away with it. While abuse can happen in traditional households that does not mean that traditional households are the cause of abuse. People are the cause of abuse. It doesn't matter where those individuals turn up, they will cause problems.
Load More Replies... robin aldrich 1 year ago
OMG!! And Society also teaches that you keep things like this private.. so there were no resources to help the women who are being abused... they suffered through it . I'm so glad this particular woman, while she's now disabled, she's free of that and hopefully she can get the help she needs
#20
My mom was a trad wife and stay-at-home mom. She was extremely miserable. She barely graduated high school and then worked low-paying jobs and lived at home for a few years until she met my dad and got married at age 20. She moved directly from her parents' house to my dad's house. She never went to college. Never traveled. My dad was a Vietnam vet with PTSD who drank a lot. Did not go to college. Worked low-paying, blue-collar jobs.
I ended up being a stay-at-home mom for awhile but had a couple of college degrees and +10 years of work experience. I also traveled a bit by myself and with friends to see the world. I loved staying home and leaned into the DIY homemaker role. I love to garden, cook, bake, being a mom, etc. I home-schooled my child for awhile. I re-joined the workforce when my kid started public middle school.
For women considering doing a "trad wifeish" stint:
* Have a backup plan in case your husband drops dead or leaves.
* Have some job skills. Try to maintain them. Take a class or workshop now and then.
* Make sure your name is on EVERYTHING that is shared with your husband: The bank accounts, the house, the car, the bills, etc.
* Husband should do some tasks, mine has always been in charge of meals on weekends.
* Communicate clearly with your partner about your emotional needs. If you are feeling unappreciated, talk it out before it spirals into a bigger problem.
Goe 1 year ago
Great advice! Being a SAHM is a great lifestyle if 1) you choose it, and 2) you have a backup plan. At any moment your spouse can spontaneously die, cheat, leave, etc., and it's important to be prepared. In this economy it's very tough to be left destitute, and you may not recover financially if a spouse decides to leave you
robin aldrich 1 year ago (edited)
My impression of a stay-at-home mom is a lot more liberated than the trad-wife. my mom was a stay-at-home mom , she had her Hobbies , she had freedom, she had her own money and my dad made sure everyone's name was on the important papers in case something happened to him. What bothers me is the husbands kind of wanting a trad wife when they have a stay-at-home one.. because according to them ,all the responsibilities of the household should fall on their shoulders and raising the kids because their wife "has it so easy" staying at home ...the husband should just be able to come home and not do anything... I feel like that's the mindset that needs to change
“So many of us are hungry for an identity these days; and many of us find that identity through our digital brands and through the likes and affirmations we get online,” Jo Piazza pointed out in an interview with Bored Panda. “The women in the #tradwife community just seem desperate to be a part of something, to be recognized for their efforts in the home and the domestic space. In a lot of ways this is a costume they are putting on. This is a performance. This is a way of saying ‘Hey, pay attention to me, I am doing something that has meaning’.”
#21
My mom kept house and churned out five kids between 19 and 26. Five kids under 7.
I think she loved being a mom and was ok with keeping a large house. My grandmother lived with us, so there were two people to keep up with chores. My parents got divorced though as soon as we were all grown. My mom went back to school at that point and got a doctorate.
I think she liked having the best of all worlds when she had them, but her advice to my sister and I was to have our own money.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I really like this one. Straight-forward and not "all is doom" but also realistic.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago
I don't mind the realistic ones like this. The all is doom if you are a stay at home mom irk me. I'm a stay at home Mom, but I was careful about choosing my spouse. I have an amazing husband and kids, and love my life. Yes there are some hard times (due to health issues), but I would not trade my life for anything.
#22
My mom was a SAHM in the 90s. She had a degree but my father forced her to SAH. He refused that she worked because ''children need their mom''. My mom chose to open a daycare in the house. My father said it was ''her choice'' so he still expected her to do all the chores, cooking, and tending to me and my 2 siblings. Mom was young at the time (early-mid 20s) so she was not really aware that she was being abused. They split in 2000 and mom had almost full custody (every other weekend at father's). She worked full-time, and at some point even needed 2 jobs because my father refused to pay child support. A decade after that mom had a new partner. They were both working and us children had left the house. In the beginning the partner would do half the chores, but gradually he stopped. Then he retired. So he spent his whole days doing nothing, staying home and watching tv, doing only like 5% of the chores. Mom was still working and doing 95% of chores. They split 2 years ago, mostly due to that. Now I am well into adulthood but currently living with mom because I got severe health issues. The little energy I have I spend it on helping with the chores. My mom gladly says she never has so much help in her life! And I find it astonishing, because I am very disabled at the moment... If my mom had been in relationships where she was respected I am sure she would have loved being a SAHM and homemaker. She loves being at home, doing canned food, home-made bread, etc. Actually she can't wait to retire to stay home and do those things. But the contexts in which she SAHMed and homemaked were awful and abusive. So I'd say to young tradwives...1. Is it really your choice? 2. Do you feel fulfilled in your role? 3. Are you respected by your partner, and is your role acknowledged? What would your partner say if you suddenly wanted a job?
robin aldrich 1 year ago
First of all how can a man refuse to pay child support? What kind of POS wouldn't want to make sure their kids are cared for???
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
An abusive POS who puts himself first like the major turd burglar in this story
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Ambry Petersen 1 year ago
She could have really gotten him legally on not paying child support.
dremetrius 1 year ago
It is really, really, *really* hard and expensive to try and chase down the payments. I've heard way too many stories of men either supported by women (mothers or current partners who swallow the 'my evil ex' stories) so they can not work and therefore not pay, or who work under the table, or dodge wage garnishment by moving from job to job, city to city... put simply, the kind of person who will dodge financial support for their own children just to spite their ex is the same kind that will f**k their own lives over just to keep that going as long as possible. Meanwhile single mom needs to care for children 24/7 (with family friends help IF she's lucky), hold down a(t least one) job, and somehow fit legal appointments and costs in there. It's utterly depressing how many just pick up extra jobs because overworking themselves and losing out on their relationship with their kids is a more realistic option.
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#23
It was so lonely
Dragon mama 1 year ago
This. Not like "why don't I have anyone to hang out with?" but an inability to genuinely connect with people because you've lost your identity. When I would ask the women i knew what they liked, or what they wanted, I would get blank stares. Sometimes they would seem lost in their thoughts for a min but then I'd get a forced smile and a change of subject. It made me sad.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago (edited)
This is not true for more people than you realize. It all depends on your personality. It's usually the social butterflies that struggle the most. I've always been more of an introvert so I've never found being a stay at hone Mom lonely. As my interests were never overly social I never lost any of them either. I still love swimming, sewing, crocheting, beading, reading, horses, history, nature, horticulture, Martial arts, dancing, writing, poetry, music, painting, and cooking. (Several of these I actually discovered after becoming a Mom.) Having kids did not take these from me, it just meant I now had people to share them with. It's doesn't matter if I'm good at all of them either, (good at some, not so good at others). I also get the added bonus of seeing my kids develop thier own passions and interests. My life as a Mom is far more varied and interesting than my life before kids ever was. For the people whose hobbies were more friend and socially based it ends up being harder.
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#24
I highly recommend the book "Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennetts. Making yourself completely dependent on someone else is a mistake. Things happen in life. Maybe your marriage really is happy and secure, but people get sick, lose their jobs...things happen. And the women left behind with children and a huge gap in their work history have a rough time.
If you go that route, have a backup plan. Have some money of your own. Keep up your skills, even if it's just part time or occasional consulting.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
THIS. And even if you and your man stay together...there is always the possibility of sudden death or illness.
#25
Make sure you're left with a way to support yourself and all of your children should you be left alone with them when you get a little older.
Chances are pretty good you will be. Forty-three percent of first marriages break-up within 15 years
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
That's sad 🙁 I read somewhere that one of the top reasons for divorce is money problems, and with today's economy....
Load More Replies... #26
Isolating and frustrating as the work is never done. I tended to obsess over cleaning type things (mopping daily) and did not like not having my own money.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago
This is a life thing, not a traditional wife thing. Life takes maintenance. You must eat, sleep, and other things to survive. To eat you have to cook, if you cook, you will need to wash dishes. If you order out you must pay more, so you must work to earn more, (you still have to clean up your trash though). If you sleep in a bed and wear clothes you must wash them when they get dirty. If you have pets you must take care of them. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Chores and maintenance are a fact of life
#27
I was never a tradwife, but my mother was before she decided f**k this and put herself through college, going all the way to a master’s degree.
My mother in law was a tradwife her whole life, starting in the mid-60s. She regretted it as she got older and tried to enter the workforce. It was pretty much impossible.
#28
It was fulfilling joy in my life. I loved it. There were frustrations (as with any job) and fears (all lives get that), but I was glad to be a SAHM.
I didn't ever like that I wa treated by society as a lesser person for it. I wish we women would stop attacking each other, and start appreciating our joyous diversity.
LB 1 year ago
Being a SAHM isn't the same as being a tradwife, though. Did this person have their own bank account? A say in major decisions? Etc etc
robin aldrich 1 year ago
My thought, exactly ...also the feminist movement got backlash for supposedly suggesting that women should not be stay at home moms...that wasn't the point of the women's movement..the point was if a woman wants to stay at home and raise kids that's great... but if a woman wants to go out and find fulfillment elsewhere that's also great ...the big misunderstanding was that "you can have it all" and I forget who said it but someone said 'you can have it all, just not all at the same time'... because then women work to exhaustion to try to have a career and a family at the same time
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kimberly Teter 1 year ago
I have been a sahm off and on for over twenty years. I have no idea when the bills are due and no one does the dishes except for me. However, I have my own bank accounts and access to his as well. He just likes me to clean and feed him.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
A great deal of the worst misogyny and bullying against women I've seen in my time has been coming from other women. It's awful. We can't fight for our rights if we don't support each other.
Becca not Becky 1 year ago
Yeah, the whole point of feminism is to give women choices and support them if they're making the choices that make them happy. It's sad how many people lose sight of that
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 1 year ago (edited)
I was forced to go to the university to have a degree i didn't like or use, and was always brainwashed into thinking children are the worst choice women can make ever. I was so unhappy, because I always WANTED and dreamed about having a home and a big family, with lots of children, which I could never had, because when I finally was done with all degree stuff I had to pay bills and debts... And then was too old for a big family, and having children around 40 yo is not only somewhat more biological challenging, but also more physically hard, because playing with toddlers when back hurts because old age is like feeling like a grandma instead of a mother... And you just can't have more than one or luckily 2 children which is sad. So yeah, I ruined my own life having a career that never fulfilled me and on top of this all women ridiculized me because I wanted to have a family and be a sahm. Being a professional independent modern woman only turned myself into a very sad, lonely, mediocre and sarcastic person who never had the chance to do what they wanted.
KillerKiwi 1 year ago
This is just as bad as wanting a career but being forced to be a SAHM. What some people don’t realize is that women having rights means making their own decisions, even if that means having a bunch of kids and no job. Women should be able to choose what they want to do with their life. I’m sorry that was t an option for you.
Load More Replies... She speaks poniards 1 year ago
As long as it's a choice and it works for you and your family, that's 👍
Mary Green 1 year ago
Staying at home because you want to, and you're supported by a responsible emotionally mature partner, is not the same as being forced to stay at home because you are given no other viable choice by society. And make no mistake, Republicans want to force women back into their "traditional" roles. If you like having your own money and making your own decisions, vote blue.
Ambry Petersen 1 year ago (edited)
Yes this so much. Just because someone chooses a traditional lifestyle does not mean they should be degraded or treated as lesser, for not being career women, or being traditional feminist instead of progressive feminist. As a stay at home Mom I am queen of my domain, and I like it that way.
Elizabeth Shelton 1 year ago
I completely agree with you.I think we're splitting hairs by definitions like tradwives and stay at home moms. I've watched far too many friends have their children injured, left on buses, neglected or read stories were a child is duct taped to a chair at a daycare.There's no way i'm trusting somebody who makes minimum wage to take care of my child.They're far too important.
#29
Whether or not you choose to be home with your children while they're young, prepare yourself to be able to work and make a living. You never know what is going to happen. Be prepared to not have much money beyond essentials. Be prepared to be somewhat isolated, as most women work now. It's not like my parents' generation, when most married women were home with kids and there were lots of opportunities to socialize.
Karen Philpott 1 year ago
Social media is not really socialising. It's nor going out to a cafe, or fining out, or joining a gym or craft group, etc.
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#30
I did both, stayed at home until kids were in school, worked as a teacher before and after. I recommend women that want families to find a job that works with kids schedule or work part time when they are young.
Judes 1 year ago (edited)
I recommend PARENTS that want families to NEGOTIATE jobS that works with kids schedule or ONE OR BOTH OF THEM work part time when they are young.
35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 1 year ago
I recommend NOT always using CAPITAL letters to accentuate IRRITATING, obvious POINTS because IT IS ridiculous.
Load More Replies... #31
My mom was one in the 70s-90s. She had a very difficult time adapting to an empty nest. Being a wife and a mother was her entire life. I think if you’re a SAHM, don’t lose yourself entirely. Find ways to nurture yourself outside of those roles. Your older self will thank you.
#32
My mother was. Didn’t work until the divorce. She went back to college, graduated with honors. Told me she felt much more in control and powerful.
#33
My mom liked being home but wanted to earn money because we were always struggling. She did in home day care and when I was 9 became a bank teller. When my nephew was taken from my sister and my parents got custody, she wanted to quit working to take care of him but my dad was too used to the second income so she stayed at her job. My nephew went to daycare (later he was formally adopted by my parents). I didn’t know until I was an adult that she liked being home.
#34
I would say, as others have, that they need something to fall back on. Preferably a good education. This is something I heavily impressed on my children, to make sure they would always have the means to support themselves. Then, if they want to be a "trad wife," go for it! I personally like cooking, cleaning for the most part, taking care of my family (although my "kids" are grown,) etc. That's just my thing.
#35
For my mother, who was married in 1933, it was a given. Both my sisters-in-law (9 & 11 years older than me), were traditional wives. They worked until they had children, then were SAHMs, and didn't go back to work after their children grew up. With this background, I assumed that this would be my life too (I was a quiet introvert, so wasn't really "progressive" in my thinking). I got married and worked for 4 1/2 years until I got pregnant. Two months before my first child was born, I left my office job to become a SAHM. I had another child, and this lifestyle continued. My husband only received a basic wage. He paid the mortgage, utilities and grocery bill, etc. This was during the period of high interest rates in the '80's. There wasn't much left over for anything else. I received a small fortnightly/monthly (can't remember which now) government payment that helped with the children's expenses. I had some money of my own, but that slowly dwindled over the years. It was just the way it was; we made do. This ended when I had been at home for 12 years. My husband was made redundant from his job of 24 years. He received a good pay-out, which allowed us to pay off the mortgage. That was a life saver. However, he had difficulty finding another job. So I went to the equivalent of a community college and did refresher courses in English and maths, as well as learning how to use computers (this was in the early '90's!) I got the first job I interviewed for, and stayed there for 10 years. I continued to work in various office jobs for another 21 years until my retirement 15 months ago. Now, I'm so happy to be a SAHP!
#36
I'd point them toward Joan Didion: "Whenever I hear about the woman's trip, which is often, I think a lot about nothin'-says-lovin'-like-something-from-the-oven and the Feminine Mystique and how it is possible for people to be the unconscious instruments of values they would strenuously reject on a conscious level, but I do not mention this to Barbara."
#37
Get a job or don’t, have a spouse and kids, or don’t. Be a SAHP or have a career doing your passion. The world is yours to enjoy. Make everyday count and don’t listen to people who harsh your mellow.
Goe 1 year ago
The world is very different now than it was back then. Yes, enjoy life, but deciding to just not get a job can be the death of you. No family I know can survive on one income right now, and I know people without kids with college degrees who struggle to afford food. Sometimes the people who "harsh your mellow" are just trying to prevent you from a lifetime of poverty and abuse
#38
We're not living in the mid-20th-century anymore and most of that lifestyle has disappeared, for better or worse. To try to live that way now one would have to make very calculated decisions to enable it to happen. Probably most important is that you need to know how to live within your budget. Also, it is important to be able to organize your day, set priorities, work unsupervised and forego procrastination.
If both partners in the relationship are willing to commit to living a "traditional" lifestyle it is possible. Go for it!
Goe 1 year ago
What a lot of people don't realize is that these trad-wives on social media are often rich, and likely wouldn't have worked even if they hadn't decided to prioritize being a wife or mother. Some of these women are the heirs to fortunes, yet tell other, less financially privileged women that they should just be a trad wife without acknowledging finances
#39
My mother and her circle of friends were stay at home wives and mothers and she was determined that I graduate from college at least, so I'd (in her mind) "always be able to find a job". I'm my own (Gen X) marriage, I left my career when our manny quit because he found a full time job in his field and I would have been basically working to pay childcare and $200 a week or something ridiculous, so I dipped. It just didn't make sense to work 40 hours only to pay someone else's time spent with my baby- and I've not gone back since. I feel very dependent on my husband but it's all good, we're lucky and we're ok, and I have those degrees if I ever need em!
#40
My mother was, pretty much, and seemed highly content with the situation. She worked a part time job doing bookkeeping and was active in some local charity groups, had a wide group of friends and an active social circle, she also did flower arranging for our church (not that we were remotely religious).
What do you think ?
lenka 1 year ago
As a lawyer I see the consequences when relationships fail. When the wife has been a tradwife, the consequences of divorce are financially fatal. She has no employable skills, she has no pension savings. If she is lucky she is left with the family home, but more often than not she cant afford to keep it or support herself outside the relationship. They are often left at the mercy of their adult children for financial support and. If you choose the the tradwife life: DO insist that your husband open you your own personal pension account into which he deposits exactly the same as his own account. If he cannot afford to do this, then he cannot afford have a 'tradwife' and you cannot afford to be one. DO always have a savings account that can support you for at least 6 months in the event your husband is injured, dies or leaves you. It will probably take you six months to be a in a position to operate bank accounts etc etc. In the meantime, you can pay the rent/mortgage and feed yourself.
Bored Panda 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing such important legal advice that highlights the financial risks involved in certain lifestyle choices. We appreciate your insight.
Load More Replies...
Nimitz 1 year ago
The thing that makes me crazy is there will never be justice for any of these women. Trad husbands committed brutal crimes. My mom was tradish but she cleaned houses cause my father was an alcoholic who got wasted at the small town bar every night. As a boy I personally witnessed him rape her 3 times. He beat the s**t out of us. His punishment was the government "allowing" her to divorce him, get a restraining order, and full custody. He had supervised visits with a year, then the constraints were taken off. That's it, those were his only consequences. This was '94
Nimitz 1 year ago
But not only that. The other men in town and surrounding communities backed him up. We called the police and asked for help from him many times. After the divorce, the RCMP would harass my mother. Pull her over on the highway, look at her ID after she reverted to her maiden name, then look her in the eye and call her by her married name. "Looks like you've got a busted tail light Mrs Married name, that's a shame. Maybe you should go home and have your husband take a look at it." In 1994, not 1954, Alberta. F**k abusers who enable each other!
Load More Replies...
FluffyDreg 1 year ago
I just love that all the advice boils down to... don't. The most common thing is to retain some independence and ability to get a job, but if you do that you aren't a "tradwife" you are just a stay at home partner.
lenka 1 year ago
Yep. 'Don't' is probably the best thing to say about it.
Load More Replies...
Anouk T 1 year ago
Let’s start with clarifying one thing. Social media trad wifes are fake. They have a job. Their job is to be a social media influencer and their persona is trad wife. They earn lots of money they are not dependent on their husbands they have people to watch their kids when they make those fancy videos and so on and so on. So what you’re seeing online is not what is actually happening and sure as heck it’s not anywhere close to the examples described here.
Trillian 1 year ago
I have no problem if one partner chooses to stay at home. That option should be available regardless of gender, if you can afford it and both agree. I don't really see why someone would quit working when there are no kids (I mean really, how much time do you need "keeping house" in a day), but whatever. But "serving a man" and "submitting" as these weirdos are harping on about? Please. You need therapy for your self-worth issues.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
They must see this as them being something like June Cleaver. The reality is more Edith Bunker.
Foxxy says Hello 1 year ago
I was what you would call a trad wife. I did everything around the home, took care of the kids, organised appts, did my husband's BAS, paid bills etc. I started working last year and everything is still on me. Unfortunately I have been enabling it but the past month I have been speaking up to my hubby and kids and asking them to help with the responsibility. It shouldn't all be on me anymore. Old habits are hard to change so I will give an adjustment time but things do need to change. I can no longer take on everything now I'm working.
Heyday 1 year ago
Exactly why I never took out the trash cans or mowed the lawn, I knew if I did they would be my jobs from then on and he did precious little around the house already. Seems petty but when you're doing almost everything else plus working part-time. He got angry when I got a job after the kids were in school all day and my paycheck never went for extra things, he just kept more of his paycheck for himself. Don't ignore the red flags people!
Load More Replies...
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
Money is required in this world to exist as an adult. If you dont have any, you will always be at the will of whomever does. Even in cultures and times where women werent allowed to earn their own money (and quite frankly there have been very few of those. Its a myth created to make you think that women are "naturally" subservient), women usually had their own land or gold or bride-price as protection in case the marriage failed.
Suluhu 1 year ago
The cause of this tradwives trend is capitalism. In the 50's,feminists wanted a choice: either the woman stays home and the man works, or the man stays home and the woman works. Neoliberal capitslism decided that then they should both work. So women then basically needed to do it all, because for many, the men weren't raised to do anything in the house. That's how women became burnt out and yearning for the "simple times" where they just needed to take care of one part. Then that became some weird right wing thing.
lenka 1 year ago
As a lawyer I see the consequences when relationships fail. When the wife has been a tradwife, the consequences of divorce are financially fatal. She has no employable skills, she has no pension savings. If she is lucky she is left with the family home, but more often than not she cant afford to keep it or support herself outside the relationship. They are often left at the mercy of their adult children for financial support and. If you choose the the tradwife life: DO insist that your husband open you your own personal pension account into which he deposits exactly the same as his own account. If he cannot afford to do this, then he cannot afford have a 'tradwife' and you cannot afford to be one. DO always have a savings account that can support you for at least 6 months in the event your husband is injured, dies or leaves you. It will probably take you six months to be a in a position to operate bank accounts etc etc. In the meantime, you can pay the rent/mortgage and feed yourself.
Bored Panda 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing such important legal advice that highlights the financial risks involved in certain lifestyle choices. We appreciate your insight.
Load More Replies... Nimitz 1 year ago
The thing that makes me crazy is there will never be justice for any of these women. Trad husbands committed brutal crimes. My mom was tradish but she cleaned houses cause my father was an alcoholic who got wasted at the small town bar every night. As a boy I personally witnessed him rape her 3 times. He beat the s**t out of us. His punishment was the government "allowing" her to divorce him, get a restraining order, and full custody. He had supervised visits with a year, then the constraints were taken off. That's it, those were his only consequences. This was '94
Nimitz 1 year ago
But not only that. The other men in town and surrounding communities backed him up. We called the police and asked for help from him many times. After the divorce, the RCMP would harass my mother. Pull her over on the highway, look at her ID after she reverted to her maiden name, then look her in the eye and call her by her married name. "Looks like you've got a busted tail light Mrs Married name, that's a shame. Maybe you should go home and have your husband take a look at it." In 1994, not 1954, Alberta. F**k abusers who enable each other!
Load More Replies... FluffyDreg 1 year ago
I just love that all the advice boils down to... don't. The most common thing is to retain some independence and ability to get a job, but if you do that you aren't a "tradwife" you are just a stay at home partner.
lenka 1 year ago
Yep. 'Don't' is probably the best thing to say about it.
Load More Replies... Anouk T 1 year ago
Let’s start with clarifying one thing. Social media trad wifes are fake. They have a job. Their job is to be a social media influencer and their persona is trad wife. They earn lots of money they are not dependent on their husbands they have people to watch their kids when they make those fancy videos and so on and so on. So what you’re seeing online is not what is actually happening and sure as heck it’s not anywhere close to the examples described here.
Trillian 1 year ago
I have no problem if one partner chooses to stay at home. That option should be available regardless of gender, if you can afford it and both agree. I don't really see why someone would quit working when there are no kids (I mean really, how much time do you need "keeping house" in a day), but whatever. But "serving a man" and "submitting" as these weirdos are harping on about? Please. You need therapy for your self-worth issues.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
They must see this as them being something like June Cleaver. The reality is more Edith Bunker.
Foxxy says Hello 1 year ago
I was what you would call a trad wife. I did everything around the home, took care of the kids, organised appts, did my husband's BAS, paid bills etc. I started working last year and everything is still on me. Unfortunately I have been enabling it but the past month I have been speaking up to my hubby and kids and asking them to help with the responsibility. It shouldn't all be on me anymore. Old habits are hard to change so I will give an adjustment time but things do need to change. I can no longer take on everything now I'm working.
Heyday 1 year ago
Exactly why I never took out the trash cans or mowed the lawn, I knew if I did they would be my jobs from then on and he did precious little around the house already. Seems petty but when you're doing almost everything else plus working part-time. He got angry when I got a job after the kids were in school all day and my paycheck never went for extra things, he just kept more of his paycheck for himself. Don't ignore the red flags people!
Load More Replies... Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
Money is required in this world to exist as an adult. If you dont have any, you will always be at the will of whomever does. Even in cultures and times where women werent allowed to earn their own money (and quite frankly there have been very few of those. Its a myth created to make you think that women are "naturally" subservient), women usually had their own land or gold or bride-price as protection in case the marriage failed.
Suluhu 1 year ago
The cause of this tradwives trend is capitalism. In the 50's,feminists wanted a choice: either the woman stays home and the man works, or the man stays home and the woman works. Neoliberal capitslism decided that then they should both work. So women then basically needed to do it all, because for many, the men weren't raised to do anything in the house. That's how women became burnt out and yearning for the "simple times" where they just needed to take care of one part. Then that became some weird right wing thing.
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