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30 People Share The Dead Wrong Things Their Parents Taught Them, And There Is Actual Wisdom In Their Realizations
As kids, we see our parents as all-knowing people. However, as the years pass, we realize that our moms and dads are just regular humans after all, and that they too don't have all the answers. So we start looking elsewhere.
There's an interesting study published in the British Journal of Political Science, based on data from the U.S. and U.K., which found that parents who are insistent that their children adopt their political views inadvertently influence their children to abandon the belief once they become adults.
This can be explained by the fact that children who come from homes where politics is a frequent topic of discussion are more likely to talk about politics once they leave home, exposing them to new viewpoints—which they then adopt with surprising frequency.
Similar transformations happen in other areas as well. To get a better understanding of them, Reddit users u/nousername1982 and u/ZestyClose_Ad4682 recently started threads asking people to share the things their parents taught them that turned out to be totally wrong. Here are some of the responses, ranging from romantic relationships to personal finance, that we thought might be interesting and worthy of your time.
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#1
"If a boy acts like a jerk, it means he likes you!"
No...just no...
First of all, he shouldn't be let off the hook for acting like a jerk. (Whether he's 5 or 105.) Secondly, it teaches girls that abuse is okay, or that they should expect to be treated like crap (and that it's okay for them to be treated like crap.)
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I swear this was initially an embarrassment tactic for the boys to stop pestering girls and it originally stopped being said to the boys at "courting" age. (I put quotes because it's so cheesy and old-fashioned to say "courting", and not something I say normally.)
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
By that time they already internalized that crap though and I always found it kind of uncomfortable, like "oh that little 5yo wants to get into a romantic relationship with that little girl" is so creepy.
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Samuel Pelatan 3 years ago
Yup, we fail teaching boys about their feeling, how to express them and the fact that is ok to express them. If a boy is nice to a girl it is considered "gay" and you get bullied, f****d up society.
Samantha Whitley 3 years ago
Exactly. It infuriates me that boys are taught they have to be tough all the time and if they show emotions then they're weak(or like you said considered gay)🤬. Most of the time boys who are raised this way end up being men who struggle in relationships and some end up with mental health issues without being able to receive help out of fear they will be told they aren't a man. I've had a lot of females mad at me or very confused at the fact that I stand up for and speak out for men. Somebody needs to. Women aren't the only victims in this world.
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Alexia 3 years ago
Haha, that reminds me of an old lady in the neighborhood, she told me that about her nephew, who was an a**hole with the girls. And the 14 year old me replied "Well if he likes me indeed, I expect him to bring me flowers". :))
Winter Eleven 3 years ago
I said that to a boy once and he didn't stop annoying me (not harassment were 8) but he did stop trying to tickle me unless i started it. We were kids tho, he was nice after, since i stopped yelling at him for annoying me 🙃
Matt Martin 3 years ago
I mean while it's not necessarily good it's definitely true a decent amount not the time
Randolph Croft 3 years ago
If a girl prefers 'bad boys' - get her some help. It's not healthy.
RELATED:
#2
That sex, sexuality, drinking/drugs/partying, politics, money, spirituality are awkward things to discuss. I want my future kids to know facts and that if they are ever in trouble, I am a safe place for them. We don't have to talk about it if they don't want to, they'll be taught how to be safe, but they should also know that these subjects are a part of life and should not cause shame.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago (edited)
I didn't have a safe place to talk about anything, so I made sure I am the safe place for my kid, too. Nothing will shock me. I will not judge, just listen. However, some things do need to be talked about no matter if anyone wants to hear it or not.
K Witmer 3 years ago
My daughter tells me everything and does not lie. Never gave her a reason to. She's 19 and she tells me every single detail if she needs someone to listen or help her figure something out. She does not fear my reaction.
RandomBeing 3 years ago
Bless you so much. That's one of the best things you can give to your child and most parents can't achieve that level of trust.
Load More Replies... Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
All of these are so important aspects of life, especially for a teenager. My sister and her husband are doing a great job, but I try to establish myself as "the cool aunt" because some things you might not want to talk about with your parents at first.
Andrew Hall 3 years ago
Best place for awkward conversations- on a journey in the car. No eye contact required; no embarrassed red faces to see.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Good insight, I would never have thought of that! There were a couple of times I was having trouble talking to my mum and I wrote to her instead which really helped, but I've always found writing cathartic so I felt better regardless of reaction.
Load More Replies... Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
My kids, now 19 and 16 have always, no matter what topic, have come to me for answers and advice. Their friends too. ALWAYS be honest with your kids qnd teach them to be the same. Don't be embarrassed. That only teaches them to be the same way. I'd rather they come to me instead of Google or peers that really don't know
K Witmer 3 years ago
Amy that's so true and so important. You sound like a great mom. When I was younger my mom didn't like discussing the hard things. She would but it was through gritted teeth. I never wanted to be like that w my daughter so when things are embarrassing to her we joke about it to break the tension. Then have a good talk. After a little while nothing is embarrassing anymore or hard to talk about.
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Bobby 3 years ago
I just had a porn talk with my 13 year old. It was awkward, but it was also honest. I'm not even mad at him for looking. I had a lot of curiosity about sex as a young man and most guys do look at porn in my experience. I just told him what you see most likely is a poor representation of real sex, too much pornography can have severe impact on sexual health, and that I honestly would prefer he didn't look at it until he has a healthy sexual relationship of his own(but not for a few more years!)
Terri Montgomery Toland 3 years ago
You sound like an amazing father. I wish every man would have that discussion. Thank you for doing your part :)
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Linda Bianco 3 years ago
I always tell my kids that they can come to me with anything and I will try to help them. I may not be happy with them but I will always love them and support them no matter what.
Keri Mascagni 3 years ago
I have been open and honest w/ my kid from a young age. She can and does talk to me about alot of things, she has told me things I would never have felt comfortable telling my parents. I want her to have knowledge and not learn things about sex, drugs etc from friends. She asks a question she gets the answer with the correct words.
O'Dessa Bourque 3 years ago
This is why I openly discuss this stuff, even on the internet. It's taught to us that it's shameful to seek out pleasure, while with men it's 'boys will be boys'. My initial years of sexual exploration were spent faking it with my partners because I thought there was something wrong with me. Most women can't orgasm through vaginal stimulation. But I was too afraid to communicate my 'problem'. I can not stress enough how important communication is. For everyone. Our partners, our parents, our children... Open and honest communication can help you overcome almost anything. I've been with my fella now 25 years. Foreplay is a must, but we both get the most out of it! Not just this, but our fights are rare and short lived, and we don't stay mad. Just remember one thing about communication: it's both speaking, and listening. I hope this helps someone.
We managed to get in touch with one of the Redditors that sparked this discussion, u/nousername1982 and they agreed to have a talk about their post and parenting in general.
"I don't really [remember] what I was doing exactly [when I came up with the idea to ask the internet this question]," they told Bored Panda.
"But, I have kids myself who are very curious and ask questions all the time. I made a promise to myself to be as honest with them as possible (without spoiling Christmas). But sometimes it is difficult to give a genuine answer because the truth would make something more difficult to accept. I've seen many Redditors posting about parents telling them they 'can do anything.' I believe those motivational speeches are essential for a child. Probably most of the stories were a variation of that."
#3
If you stop reacting, they'll stop bullying you.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
This hits hard. It was the teachers and daycare staff that were saying this trash to me, though. My mom sorta ignored it and thought I was doing something to cause other kids to bully me. No support. Nothing. This carries into adulthood. Eventually you stop caring what other people think but there is a stronger need to be heard the loudest, so you end up repeating the injustices you experience in life to friends and family until they acknowledge your plight, which never happens because you're being a downer, an attention-seeker, and a boring repeater. But you're not really trying to be any of that. You just want to understand why people are shitty towards you of all people.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
That's just a lazy excuse for not doing anything and also puts the blame squarely on the victim (they behaved wrong, provoked).
Johan van Luijn-Hermans 3 years ago
As someone being bullied for over 10 years, I can tell you that this is indeed absolutely useless advise.
Vorknkx 3 years ago
Absolutely. Sometimes the lack of reaction only makes the bullies more frenzied because they WANT to get a reaction out of you, and therefore intensify their bullying until they get it.
Alexia 3 years ago (edited)
NO. If you ignore them, you actually encourage and validate such behavior. Your message to them is "I am still a victim". They will not stop and your self esteem will hit a new low. I faced bullying in school, then mobbing at my first jobs. I tried to ignore, to be nice, to befriend the abusers. Nothing worked. They only stopped when I stood up for myself and confronted them.
#4
Lack of empathy. My parents grew up in a really really horrible situation and they made it out and did well for themselves. So now anytime anyone struggles they refuse to feel bad for them because they have gone through worse and did fine. I think people deserve empathy regardless.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I don't know this guy's story or where he comes from, if he's homeless or has a home and struggling with something. I was at Subway and saw him chatting with the staff. He left with nothing. As soon as I started asking what he wanted they said he wanted food, and that he comes in frequently and they used to give him free food but can't continue doing that. I was going to buy him something if that was the case. I was a bit hesitant hearing that it's been a regular occurrence but then I thought I've been homeless and hungry before. Why the hell not. I bought a $10 gift card for them to use it towards him the next time he shows up. If he doesn't show up, someone's got a free gift card regardless and that is just fine.
Linda Bianco 3 years ago
I agree. You never know anyone’s backstory. It costs nothing to be kind and if you can afford to buy someone food then why not?
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Ally MacMann 3 years ago
That's awful reasoning. If you're in agony with a broken leg, the pain doesn't go away if you think about those who have lost a leg. People get suicidal for reasons others might find trivial. That doesn't mean their feelings or their despair aren't legitimate and real. It might be that the ops parents were hardened to suffering but it's a sad way to be.
John Smith 3 years ago
I never understood the attitude of "it was worse for me". So what you struggled so no one else can? Utter tot.
MaryJane Doe 3 years ago
i was homeless for over a year and hated asking anyone for any kind of help because 9 times outta 10 they'd look at me like they couldn't believe i had the audacity to even speak to them, let alone ask them for anything... but that 1 outta 10 is the reason why i am where i am now. things are nowhere near perfect, but im not in the broken down car anymore 💜 Everyone deserves help.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
Such bull s**t. They have no idea what the other persons story is so how can they make that assumption in the first place. And even if they did know their story, everyone is different and copes differently so you can't compare your issues with others.
Bobby 3 years ago
I'll give what I can. I know most people who are begging are looking for money because well, if you have nothing it gets you something right? I rarely have cash on hand, but almost always have some kind of food in the car. Take my lunch, you're cold? I have a blanket in the trunk, it isn't the cleanest cause I use it in the summers for picnics or to lay down on the beach, but it's warm
Just chucking around 3 years ago
It's the assumption that they have "gone through worse" that causes lack of empathy. You can't possibly know what another human goes through. Even if all external factors are equal, you can't know how they processed each experience and therefore can't know their mental preparedness for hardship. If they chose simple coping mechanisms over healthy and productive problem resolution throughout life, they will find the exact same situation much harder because they haven't practiced solving problems. I feel sadness when I see people not realizing they have more power than they know. But finding that power means not being victim to circumstances, owning what role you play in your fate, giving yourself credit where it's due, knowing what truly was out of your hands, and coming up with a strategy that gets you out of that situation and protects you from that situation in the future
RafCo 3 years ago
I also come from a really difficult situation of poverty and violence (both institutional and criminal). I am also fine and did well for myself. For me, that makes me feel much more connected to those who weren't as lucky as I was. But I don't come from a "bootstraps" culture, so maybe that's all it is. I never even knew that boots had straps until I moved the United States.
Vee M. 3 years ago
Yes that culture is beyond TOXIC. I've never been homeless but I also don't live some life of luxury either. Only a paycheck n a prayer away from homelessness and lately America seems to be going in the wrong direction. I will always advocate for the homeless and have EMPATHY great ppl how you'd want to be treated. Screw the bootstraps
Load More Replies...u/nousername1982 thinks that parents and their kids every now and then simply end up on different terms. "Sometimes parents have priorities that kids don't understand, like 'Why are they always having to work that much?' Truth is, at least in my case, I don't have to work that hard, but I'm motivated to advance my career. I'm not working to pay for the food, house, or toys. I'm working for the extras."
"Also, most parents strive to have an easy life, which is sometimes difficult to combine with kids. You don't want to tell your kids they can't have something because mom or dad doesn't want to make the effort," the Redditor continued. "My parents told me I had to quit my favorite sport because of a kid that was dealing drugs in the club. Later, I realized it was because the drive was too much of a hassle. The drug dealer had little to do in the decision."
#5
That parents never have to apologize to their kids.
I love my dad. He is a great dad and I know he loves me so much, but he has it in his head that even now, even when his youngest (me) is an adult, that he doesn't need to apologize if he does something wrong. It's baffling.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
Same here. Mine barely uses basic manners with me. She does with everyone else. Just not me.
BakedKahuna 3 years ago
That's what happened to me yesterday. Again. Met my mother for the first time in weeks. Her first comment was how swollen my face looked and it's ugly. Told her that I was accompanied by mosquitoes the last night's. She told me to not do it and it's not doing me a favor being fat AND have that swollen face. I said that if she has got nothing nice to say to keep her mouth shut. During the evening she complimented several people. I asked her why she has so many nice things to say about strangers but never behave decent towards me. Her answer was, she wanted to, but she was afraid that I would get angry again like when she told me my face looked ugly...
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Alexia 3 years ago
That's a sad one. My verbally, emotionally and - in early childhood - physically abusive parents would never admit they made any mistake with me. Not even when it's obvious, not even when other people point it out to them. However - years after I moved away - they do wonder why I refuse to visit them.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
It's always "I'm sorry BUT" followed by I something I must have done to make them wrong.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
I don't understand this. Being a parent doesn't mean you are immune to making mistakes and owning up to them. Our kids are human beings and deserve to be treated as such.
IzzieM 3 years ago
My dad is big on apologizing, but only if you mean it. Don't apologize if you're not sorry, because it's an empty gesture. I try to live by this example.
Jp@nda 3 years ago
Sorry means doing your absolute best to make sure that it never happens again. It might, but being genuinely sorry means that you've tried and that it is not just an empty word
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Jamie Pesek 3 years ago
I knew when I was wrong and always apologized to my kids for either losing my temper when I should have been listening or just not listening altogether and still losing my cool. I allowed my children their voices while I kept my mouth shut so I could understand where they were coming from so I could get the full perspective of points of view on certain issues and topics. My oldest just sent to me yesterday a beautiful clip of a song called dear mom by Dax..that brought me to tears because I never knew that's how he felt about us or that he saw me like that. I sat in my car.unable to drive home..because I found out just how much my son loves me and knows the sacrifices I made for him and his siblings. It has been my honor to love these 3 amazing young lives and relish in the fact that each of them is so unique in their own outlooks on life and that no matter our own differences we can still come to a table and eat together and love and trust, knowing our differences are met with open ar
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
My grandad taught me a big lesson (though I sort of knew it anyway) based on something that happened to him as a teacher. He had a child who had done something wrong (I can't remember what) and so he kept them in after school. The next day, after learning some new facts and a sleepless night, he found he was wrong and that child didn't do it. He stood in front of the class and apolgised to the class, and child who he'd wronged. He said, even adults get thing wrong and they should be held accountable and he wanted children to feel like they could come to him with problems and he would try to listen and learn from his mistakes. All people should do this.
Nothing Fancy 3 years ago
That's some major bull. I want my kids to know that anyone of any age should apologize if they're wrong.
Linda Bianco 3 years ago
You may not think that you did anything wrong but if the other person perceived it that way then apologize. No cost, all benefit. Especially with people you love, including your children.
#6
Math and science aren’t gonna serve a girl well.
I would had killed to have someone reared me into STEM when I was younger.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I wish I had more access to electronics and the computer and internet.
mulk 3 years ago (edited)
If not: go for it now! It's never too late, never! ideas: buy a rapsberry PI and try many tutorial on the web, subscribe to a hacker space (or build your own), learn how coding,... Go Go Go!!
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Paul Neff 3 years ago
In places in America, math & science were only properly taught to Neurotypical students. Even as a boy, my grades were miserable. Until I hit the army, and they actually tested me, and realized I was off the charts in engineering. This included math, BTW. If the army could do it, the schools could too, they just are not set up for student success.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
When I went to high school (the Gymnasium in German) we accidentally were an almost all girl's class (like 26 girl's and 2 boys). I don't know if it was because they couldn't treat us differently than the 2 boys in the long run and there was a need to prove to teachers we weren't espacially "difficult", but a lot of us thrived in STEM classes, and quite a lot went to become engineers and scientists.
Sang Fe 3 years ago
This was a big one for me. I wanted to be an anthropologist/archeologist since the age of 10 and people wondered why a little girl would use such words. It was dismissed because my destiny was to be a good wife and mother The most ghastly part was most of it came from women.
O'Dessa Bourque 3 years ago
My first computer was a 386. My first video game system was a Calicovision. I was a Tomboy. But because of sexist teachers in later years, I flailed in math. If I wasn't so discouraged, I might have gone into learning how to putting together my own rigs as a career. I'm disabled now, so school or money for a job just aren't in my cards...
Erin Martin 3 years ago
There are many programs that help with tuition and other resources! Even if you only take one class per quarter you'll get there eventually!
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Tracy Wallick 3 years ago (edited)
I was raised to believe that because I was a girl, I was inherently not as good at STEM subjects; it became a self-fulfilling prophecy since I decided that, if I was no good at them, why try? And this was in the 90s and 2000s. In California.
Mrs LLP143 3 years ago
When I was 21 (1981), I signed up for a computer programming course. I was mocked and teased so unmercifly by my parents that I eventually dropped out. Told me it was a stupid idea and that I should stick to secretarial positions. Years later, I more than made up for lost time but the memories of their taunting still anger me to this day
Kristof De Smet 3 years ago
My daughter loves math! Why should girls not be good at math and science?
Even though the idea of lying to your kids sounds harsh at first, a study published in the International Journal of Psychology found that 84 percent of the American parents surveyed do it to get them to behave. This is also known as 'instrumental lying.'
While the decision when to use it is ultimately up to the parents, there are certain situations where it's considered more acceptable. For instance, the fictional story of Santa Claus is universally known, and many young children learn it from their moms and dads. So long as they're not using Santa to threaten the little ones into behaving, it's perfectly fine. Interestingly, one study, published in Child Psychiatry and Human Development, discovered that children who eventually found out the truth about Santa Claus reacted positively to the news.
#7
"Respect your elders" but in the sense that you should just keep quiet when you disagree with somebody older than you - turns out many people are awful regardless of their age. Don't get me wrong, my default is to respect any new person I meet, but when a person has repeatedly shown me that they don't are about my feelings or even basic logic, I won't hold back from speaking my mind calmly, even if they see this as disrespectful.
John Smith 3 years ago
My grandad taught me that respect is earned, there is no situation where respect is to be given just because. You don't just get respect from being old. He was a man I respected, and he earned it multiple times over.
SusanS 3 years ago
There is a difference between being respectful and being respected. I think people tend to confuse the two.
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Long White Mane 3 years ago
Too many people mistake politeness for respect, including my parents. Manners are cheap and easy. Respect, now that has to be earned.
Matthew Fox 3 years ago
Just because someone has sucked air on this rock for longer than you doesn't mean they deserve your respect.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
Respect is something to be earned. Doesn't mean you shouldn't treat everybody like a decent human being and be kind, but respect for me is on a different level.
James Smith 3 years ago (edited)
I got put in a life-threatening situation when I was 18 by a family friend in his 50s. My parents blamed me because I "should know better," but they always punished me for disagreeing with elders, even something as small as "I think it would be easier to clip the bushes before mowing the lawn, instead of the other way around." So yeah, f**k that.
Amy Broderick 3 years ago
My Step-grandmother was a horrible woman. She let loose on me one day and I didn't say anything more than make a joke out of the hurtful things she said. When my step-dad found out he told me that I should have told her off as respect is earned not given. He did call her and told her to keep her spiteful thoughts to herself. He was my guardian angel and I miss him every day
#8
Finish your plate. B*tch that is what all that Tupperware is for.
Mindy Haun 3 years ago
Yep. I see people talk about how that's the way they were raised and they do it to their kids. They're rather proud of it too.
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•porcelain•doll• 3 years ago
That's what i told my mom and she called me ridiculous. My parents did that and then went around and body-shamed us.
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Animalsrgreat 3 years ago
Yeah, over-fill a plate for your kid and insist they keep eating after they're full, and then reward them with a sugar filled desert for overeating. Then when they're overweight, shame them for overeating, which you trained them to do. SMH
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Exactly!! Kids have smaller stomachs and some just don't eat alot. Give a small portion and if they want more then give more
Load More Replies... StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
My step-mom was stupid about over-supplying food and guilting us into eating everything. This was nonexistent at home. I'm glad I didn't have to live with her.
Timmy Pillinger 3 years ago
I was brought up by people whose peers at school were not always able to eat. Expecting children to eat everything is a product of that.
RafCo 3 years ago
This one is hard for me, I had periods in my life where I was literally starving to death. Food is sacred to me, and I recognize that this is a First World cultural difference, but it's very hard for me to see food wasted. It tears at me. I'm okay saving food for later, but throwing it away makes me physically ill. My daughter asked me about weird things I've eaten, she has a very american pallet, and I told her I've eaten everything from dogs to rodents to insects. Why, she asked. When you're hungry, you don't ask what you're eating, and you don't say no. I try not to cook more than they will eat, or get too "exotic" with their meals. If they can't finish, I won't force feed them, but I don't let them throw it away. It has to be eaten at some point, even if it's me doing the eating. Maybe it's wrong, but I can't let it go.
David Pitts 3 years ago
Same here. Kids don't get take more that they want and throw it away. Food is a gift from God and is sacred. Especially if you've gone hungry. My kids got that food wrapped up then served the next meal until it was gone. They only did it once. They are very cultured eaters now. They also were not allowed to take three bites of pizza throw it away then get another slice. Even kids that visited were told, "if you take it, you eat it"
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James Smith 3 years ago (edited)
Unfortunately very common, especially in lower and middle income homes. Imagine doing this with thirst, the bathroom, or regulating body temperature. It's harmful because it teaches us our sensations shouldn't be listened to.
However, it's important to remember that there are other ways to go about it. Although parental lying is common, too much of it may lead to negative long-term effects. In a study where the researchers surveyed 379 young Singaporean adults who reported their parents lying during their childhood, they discovered that the participants who were lied to as children were more likely to lie to their parents as adults.
The study also suggested that parental dishonesty can create trust issues and problems externalizing certain emotions, like aggression.
#9
That crying is shameful.
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
I had a tendency of crying to easily when i was younger so now nobody takes me seriously when i am in visible distress
DUN DUN (she/her) 3 years ago
Same here. My grandma had nicknamed me "wailing baby" in my native language, and my whole family has tales of the stupid reasons that made me cry back then. Gosh, THEY EVEN CLICKED PHOTOS WHEN I WAS CRYING, and now they sit and laugh at the baby-me 😑
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Erla Zwingle 3 years ago
I read that a study revealed that up until age 6, or whenever a child started school, boys cried more easily and more often than girls. Start going to school and it's MAN UP. Horrifyng and tragic. Some men never get it back.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
It should never be shameful. No one has a right to dictate your emotions and you're need to express them in a healthy, non-abusive way. If someone is "uncomfortable" with crying that is their problem not yours.
Vorknkx 3 years ago
Swallowing your emotions and trying to keep them suppressed starts to eat you from within... and eventually makes you ill.
Lytha Hawkeye 3 years ago
My mom told me growing up that crying is just a manipulation tactic to get attention. No one cries unless it's because they want attention. Cue to years of hiding my tears......
David Force 3 years ago
That may be the dumbest thing I ever heard of. So if your dog dies or you got to a funeral the tears are only for attention? If you see an emotional movie or your boyfriend beaks up with you no tears allowed? What if you’re a kid and fall off your bike and are hurt you’re not allowed to cry? Ridiculous. Please be better than your mom, you deserve the right to be human and cry when life throws you a curve.
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Destry Naude 3 years ago
I had this notion in my head for so long I still don't remember how to cry.
Kangaroo171994 3 years ago
It's so wrong for parents to think that crying is shameful when it's not. It doesn't matter if u are a girl or boy or a man or a woman b/c it's good to cry from time to time and healthy even if/when it's for no reason at all-it happens. But also I'm neurotypical so I dont always do well w/confrontation. Grew up w/an IEP my whole life. And I think this factors into it a little and I remember I asked my French teacher for a little extra time on an assignment and I was asked "why" and I had never been asked that by any of my other teachers before. And I didn't know how to respond and I just started crying. So now when I'm in confrontational situations, I automatically tear up even when I don't need to where this is just automatic for me. Also idk if this cud be automatic for those w/autism as well or not but i wouldn't be surprised.
Kangaroo171994 3 years ago
I do understand for a lot of autistic kids and even some autistic adults have trouble conveying what they're feeling and the only way they know how to is either through anger or crying b/c they struggle with getting the right words out. And sometimes it's both too. I get it sometimes u feel like u need to break something when angry but as long as it's not consistent (b/c that's another issue) then it's fine to get angry and say throw clothes against a wall. Admittedly I've thrown a pen at a wall and broke it but then again my mom and I have like a thousand pens in our house. Or chuck a dead pen at a wall. Thankfully I've never thrown 1 so hard that it made a mark on the wall.
Load More Replies... #10
That you need to hustle 100% of the time and be constantly busy with school/work, extra activities, side projects, cleaning etc. Spending time unwinding is a sign of laziness and boredeom and intelligent people are never bored. This really messed me up and I'm still learning the art of wasting time.
Draaideur 3 years ago
I'm quite skilful when it comes to wasting time ... continues opening a few more boredpanda articles
Elizabeth Truss 3 years ago
My grandma and mom were constantly on the move. Brushing your teeth? You have 3 extra minutes to clean. TV commercial? Everyone help clean up the dishes. I never realized how bad it was until after I was married with kids and we were trying to play a bored game during Christmas. Whenever it wasn't their turns, they were flipping out laundry, washing the counters, unloading the dishwasher, etc. My hubby got so frustrated because we couldn't play the game. We couldn't just enjoy their company. To this day, I feel lazy if I'm not always doing something. It's a difficult feeling to shake off.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
What's that thing people say about boredom? Something about being bored allows creativity to start?
Kate Jones 3 years ago
This should be higher up honestly. The idea of wasting my life because I'm not doing something has caused such anxiety that it's stifled my life for years. You don't have to be out there jumping out of planes or travelling the world in order for your life to mean something. You're not lazy because you want to hang around the house or do nothing sometimes. I used to have straight-up panic attacks because of this. Thankfully I relaxed and stopped worrying about what I'm not doing and focused on what what makes me happy right now, and sometimes that's sleeping my day away and being on my computer.
Cara Michelle 3 years ago
How did you get to that point? This rings so true to me
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oddly_informed_raven 3 years ago
this hit me hard. Apparently, after waking up at 6 am, 6 hours of advanced classes, and track every day, sitting on the couch on the weekend is "laying around all day"
Ellen Ranks 3 years ago
Well, I am intelligent and I am never bored, but that's because I am really good at just sitting around and doing nothing while thinking about whatever.
Rin Mcgraw 3 years ago
There's a child psychologist on either Insta or Tiktok that addresses stuff like 'as an adult, if someone is in my home, I can't just sit there w them: I need to be cleaning/cooking/baking/etc'. Teaching our children there is no time to relax leads to adults like me...trust me: you don't want to anxiously-fearful-for-"no"-reason adult who has a panic attack if told to relax 😳
David Force 3 years ago
My kid was always an overachiever but her happiest childhood memories weren’t her athletic or academic awards, it was hanging out with her Dad doing a lot of nothing. She has turned down big jobs that paid well but didn’t offer a work/life balance and I’m proud of her for having her priorities right.
"I read some stories about pets that 'ran away,'" u/nousername1982 said. "I too discovered 20 years after the 'dog ran away' that he was euthanized. I can imagine the truth is difficult to share with kids."
"Other lies are just lame, with no excuse. I shared the story that my father told me he had to get A's every day at work. Of course, that is not true, and it didn't help me to get motivated. A friend of mine tells his kids about a 'dangerous man' coming at night if the kids are not good. This is just bad parenting."
Even though the Redditor believes it's impossible to raise a kid without lies, they nonetheless think that parents should strive to be honest.
#11
My mum made me believe that privacy was a privilege. Wasn't until I started studying childcare and learning in depth about the rights of the child that I learned it is a right and that my mum is full of bullsh*t
Amy Velis 3 years ago
This is definitely unfortunately a norm in th U.S. people will get offended by me saying this mainly because they don't want to face what I'm saying as fact.
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Dutchman Callypso 3 years ago
My mom would casually rearrange my room, throw my stuff out etc. When I told her to stop doing that, she acted like I'm the one being disrespectful. ^^ ♥
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
My parents read my letters and diaries, trust issues until today.
Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
Me too. It's festered. I keep all of my notebooks and sketchbooks in a locked carry on bag, and I have numerous safes. I'm almost 40, but my mother violated my trust so many times in my youth that hiding everything in locking containers has become a compulsive behavior for me. Luckily, I have the most understanding husband, who used to rent a room from my mom back before I met him and understands why I feel the way I do.
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Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
I've done this before, when my dad read my diary because 'privacy was a privilege', I grabbed a screwdriver and bye-bye master bedroom doors.
RandomBeing 3 years ago
Ohmygosh thats great (assuming I read this correctly and u removed ur parents bedroom doors).
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Rouge demon 3 years ago
I had a control freak mother that was also extremely neglectful. Like everything had to go her way but she didn't care for me and my siblings. It was the worst.
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Jennifer Robertson-Vitro 3 years ago
HA! Love this! I have to use this sometime!
Load More Replies... StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago (edited)
At one point children didn't have as much rights as they do now. Our parents parented by example of those times. Modern research and new laws have broken the cycles of BS.
Araminta 3 years ago
Even after i turned 18 my mom didn't understand privacy, had to have several yelling matches before i even got her to knock before entering.
Load More Replies... #12
“Bullies are cowards.” No they aren’t. They’re evil scum who are naively capable of ruining your life for decades after. And they’re not afraid to do so.
Panda en Pyjama 3 years ago
Cowards? They are anything but cowards, they feel all powerful because they literally massacre children who have done nothing to them, well hidden behind the school garbage cans. And if by some miracle this child manages to talk about it, to a teacher or a supervisor, these assholes are smart enough to make everyone believe that it was you who started it and WORST that you deserved it. A "big" (12) girl from daycare (I was 6/7 years old) spent three years telling me every night "your mother is dead, she won't come to get you, she will never come back". It created anxieties in me that I still feel today... But Go die Sarah!!!!
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
Wow, Sarah had issues... I hope you find ways to get over your anxiety, all the best for you!
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Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
There's also an "origin story" to every bully, sometimes abuse and something that always needs to be investigated. Please don't get me wrong, I don't want to apologize their abhorrent behavior and helping the victims should always come first, it's just something to also be considered when you want to talk about prevention.
Hagen Radcliffe 3 years ago
None of that was true with the bully in my house growing up. Parents adored him, he had everything he wanted, was spoiled & pampered. He was also mean, cruel, vicious and dangerous to smaller children and animals. Don’t tell me about the secret trauma of the poor dear. Sometimes they really are born monsters.
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Gita Medne 3 years ago
sometimes bullies are the ones with "trauma" and bullying is their trauma response:/ they just need help
Vengeful Mango 3 years ago
That does not excuse their behavior. I don't care what's going on in your poor whittle traumatic , private life. If you are a bully, I don't care. You can get therapy, whatever, but you deserve a lot of humiliation and no respect. Not. An. Ounce. I don't feel pity for bullies. If you have trauma, don't push it on to other, innocent people.
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Scagsy 3 years ago
I think that the belief that bullies are cowards is because bullies usually tend to demonstrate the same characteristics. They often go around in groups so the victim is outnumbered. Is that cowardly? They like to hide and lie in wait on your route home in order to spring out and attack you. Is that cowardly? They spread untrue rumours and secretly write lies on walls and benches about you. Is that cowardly? By calling them cowards, you are taking away some of their power. They are also more than likely victims of abuse themselves. This doesn't make it right but it does explain it. Bullies are guilty of many things. Cowardice is definitely one of them.
Dillon Brown 3 years ago
Or just abused themselves a d passing that on to other children or perhaps have some sort of mental disorder or imbalance. The biggest bully in grade school and Jr High turned out he had some sort of disorder treatable by medication. When he finally got diagnosed and tested he did a total 180 and was very vocal about how he wished his behavior had been addressed earlier. For him it had been like he had been trapped in his own mental prison.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
If you give them that power. I do believe, though, that bullies are kids who come from unsafe, unstable situations at home, or live in foster care. My daughter found out a mean kid was sent to live with her grandma because her mom was abusive.
Cpt. Robert Christian 3 years ago (edited)
"Never fight back, it never solves anything, and then you are just sinking to their level..." or ""If you just ignore a bully, they will get bored and go away..." or "You just to need to toughen up, someone calling you names does not really hurt you..." or well you get the drift. Honestly though, how I dealt with my bullies, growing up in the 70s & 80's would get me arrested/incarcerated, suspended/expelled, sued, or involuntarily medicated nowadays. As a matter of fact, how I dealt with my final high school bully, was the reason that I: got expelled in the 11th grade, had to get a GED on a satellite college campus, and why joined the Army Infantry to get out of Texas.
Jeff Chamberlain 3 years ago
I totally agree. You gotta punch a bully in the nose. That’s the only way they learn. For everyone who says that fighting never solves anything…it literally solves everything. I taught my kids that when they encountered bullying at school. Now, there will be consequences…but in school suspension is easier than hating yourself for not fighting back.
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buttonpusher 3 years ago
I think people mean in some cases they will only bully those they think are weaker, easier or they can get away with it. But they wouldn't dare bully someone else because they'd be taken down or exposed. Which is true in some cases, but not all.
Winter 3 years ago (edited)
I feel like all of these comments are focusing on the "classic beat-you-up" kind of bully. I was bullied in school, but I didn't even know it was bullying, because it wasn't like that. It was constant teasing and belittling from the "cool kids", and it took me years to recover from that and to gain any semblance of self-esteem.
Blampfno Ampflisand 3 years ago
Some are also quite unafraid of being stood up to. To some the fight is the best part.
If you're contemplating whether or not to bend the truth, experts advise to ask yourself a few questions first:
- Are you only helping them in the short term, which might affect things in the future?
- Will your lie confuse them or give them unrealistic expectations of people?
- Is the lie for you or them?
- Are they able to understand the truth?
Often, a child's age and maturity determine whether or not a lie is the way to go!
#13
That it’s rude to express any negative emotions.
Icefox 222 3 years ago
Can we talk about how negative thoughts and topics don't exist they're only just called that cause nobody wants to talk about it, a topic is a topic, serious topics exist yes like suicide (unless you think about how theirs 7million people and most aren't contributing to evolution just over population(sorry too dark, no such thing only ones opinion, I've made an article that justifies suicide (still don't do it)))but still negative thoughts and topics don't exist.
Load More Replies... RafCo 3 years ago
hmm... I tell my kids you can't control how you feel about things, but you can control your behavior. Your sister broke your toy, that makes you angry? Of course it does. You still don't get to hit her. So I wonder what is meant mere by "expressing" negative emotions. You should be allowed to say, you hurt me, or I'm pissed off, frustrated, sad, etc. But you shouldn't be allowed to retaliate. Justice should be restorative, not merely a punishment. Otherwise, it's just vengeance.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Yeah, we're trying to teach that to my stepdaughter (5) recently. Her mother (I'm the stepmother) seems to be... handicapped in regards to expressing feelings and my SD seems to enjoy being encouraged to open up with us and her baby sisters (although sometimes it's heartbreaking when she says sth. like "I wish I was a baby again so my mummy would really love me again"...). But when she's mad or tired or disappointed, she can be really horrible, she even once shoved her 15-months-old twin sisters because she was annoyed with their crying because they were hungry after we'd been home late... Sure, she's 5, but she's starting school next year and should learn to let out her feelings in a safe way, not like that...
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Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
Taught me to self harm quietly, something that's very hard to unlearn.
David Force 3 years ago
I’m so sorry! You taught me something because I never knew that and I thought I knew everything about how to raise a girl. When my daughter was in middle school she was very moody and crabby. I read books and asked the school nurse to help me understand her. I learned about hormones and how they affect moods and to not take it personally. I learned to really listen her problem without judgement and without trying to “solve” everything. To just be there and when she was down just do something she liked, maybe get an ice cream or just take her for some shopping therapy or her favorite restaurant. She is 27 now and we remain extremely close. I get tears in my eyes just thinking of her and I hope your parents love you just as much.
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Shehzadi Amal 3 years ago
I know a woman who's kid is NEVER allowed to have a bad day, or be a bit cranky, or express negativity. While her mother may be the most miserable and negative person I know. It drives me insane.
Alex Ernst 3 years ago
If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. (One breakdown later) Why didn't you say anything?!
Lilia Loewenberg 3 years ago
The alternative is lying to the world and pretending that everything is fine when it's not. That's not going to end well for anyone.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Does this depend on what the negative emotions are? They should be handled with empathy!
#14
Tell me the truth I won't be mad.
Panda en Pyjama 3 years ago
Aaaaaaaaand that's how you get to be punished (in the best case) for something as trivial as having forgotten to start the washing machine for the mother-in-law...
donald ready 3 years ago (edited)
What you just described isn't how its supposed to go. A parental failure to adhere to their own rules isn't saying something wrong, its missing the follow through they promised.
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
Both my kids know that I will never promise I won't be mad if they tell me the truth but if I find out they lied the consequences will be worse than if they told the truth to start with.
Kay blue 3 years ago
I taught my daughter the same. She recently told me that she was never frightened of telling me the truth because of this rule.
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NsG 3 years ago
Which suggests it should be taken as part of the overall relationship and known factors about the parents.
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Phyzzi 3 years ago
Yeah, the thing I try for is "if you tell me the truth, we can try to solve this problem together" and "lying will usually make people more upset because it usually makes the problem worse, even if you think it might help you". Being honest with kids about being honest is important.
Mama Panda 3 years ago
I say this to my son but I mean it! He needs to know that he can trust me when he talks to me. Now we talk about everything!
David Mitchell 3 years ago
That's how it should be. Kudos to you for great parenting
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Vickie Tackett 3 years ago
I taught my kids, to be open with me. Sometimes, after turning into teenager's, I had to grin, and grit my teeth at what I Heard. It's worth it though, because they told me 98% of Everything they did. If it was bad (in my mind, they're telling me they need help), and we talk it out. They're 33&34 now. They still tell me 98% of what they've done. Now,vi only face palm when they're done talking to me, after they turn their back. I love them, and my grandsons. My childhood, was a horrible. My parents monsters, and I vowed to myself when I was very young, I would Never treat my kids, the way they did me. I Am, completely opposite of them! I bask in the love of all my children! The hugs, the smiles, and the I live you' is everything to me! I e even taught my grandsons to be honest with me.
Lori Williams 3 years ago
I told my two girls that and that I would only be angry if I found out they had lied. You have to live up to that. Thank them for telling the truth, but don't try and catch them in a lie. Tell them WHY they should always tell the truth. Both still tell me the truth, at 27 and 33. And BE A GOOD EXAMPLE.
Evon Hynes 3 years ago
I tell my child this, because in our family its true. if you come to me and tell me what's going on, you're not going to get into trouble. I'm here for them, to steward them through this tribulations, and how to make it right. if you accept your part in a bad situation and try to make amends, your only punishment is helping right any wrongs you're responsible for. the only two things you can get in trouble for in my house is lying, or being malicious to anyone.
Lisa Dowsett 3 years ago
If you want your kids to trust you, you must mean these words honestly when you say them and do your job as a parent to help them figure why it wasn't a good idea, how to avoid making the same mistake and learning what is learn from the error
Keith Mitchem 3 years ago
This one for me was tell me the truth or if I find out later you will be in more trouble. Most of the time I got into very little trouble for telling the truth, but when I lied, it was completely different.
#15
That you have to “suffer for love” (I’m a chick). Thanks mom, you set me up for a lifetime of trying to change narcissistic losers.
Panda en Pyjama 3 years ago
My "best friend" when I was a teenager (15), told me that in love or in friendship, if we didn't suffer, it wasn't real... Yeah, of course...
Miss-Un-Derstood 3 years ago
Such terrible advice. My mother is a religious nutter who said: Life is for suffering, not for being happy (even as a 10yr old, I knew that was crap)
David Force 3 years ago
When someone dies we suffer and that is the price we pay for loving them so much but I’ve been in love with the same person, the right person, for 35 years, and have never suffered a single day of it. The right person provides aid and comfort when life is challenging and suffering should not be part of a loving relationship.
Jimmy Lewis 3 years ago
You will suffer in a relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to suffer abuse.
csaclint 3 years ago
Naw. Once you’re an adult, you and you alone are responsible for your choices. Stop blaming your parents and own your own decisions.
Kez 3 years ago
When tou are nurtured in a negative way of course it will effect you in your adulthood. This is why childhood trauma manifest in adulthood. If you are raised to think a certain way you can unlearn it but it takes times.
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Mike Beck 3 years ago
Similarly "marriage is work". Why? Compromise, sure but if you're having to work at it then youre probably doin' it wrong.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Well, no, you'll have to work on things no matter what relationship you're in. That doesn't mean you're bad people or bad for each other in the beginning, just that you'd rather adapt to changing circumstances than stay who you are out of pride or laziness. In all marriages I've seen, those who were able to work through hiccups were much happier than those who'd take for granted what they had.
Load More Replies... Blampfno Ampflisand 3 years ago
This is supposed to be a poetic way to say that if you hold love in your heart, you have emotional vulnerability and will likely suffer pain from it from time to time, or worse with the wrong person. It's basically 'love hurts' and not an imperative to place yourself in awful situations.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
My narc told me to just "change" my narc bf. He's not a changin' ma.
Channo Sagara 3 years ago
But fairy tail love doesn't exist as well. We all need to find the perfect balance where both struggles and victors together.
#16
My dad always said. "Children should be seen and not heard." I'm not a big fan of that one
Marianne 3 years ago
This basically tells children that their opinions, experiences and feelings are invalid and their parents don't care about them. Good strategy if you want your adult children never to talk to you again.
Petro Roos 3 years ago
It comes more from, when in adult conversation, kids shouldn't be making a noise or screaming around adults, they should play outside, where the parents can see them, but not "hear them screaming in their ears, while the adults are talking". My mom used this often when we visited family friends, when I asked what that meant, she explained, you guys should play where we can see you, but not here, where we can hear you. It made sense to me. Still does.
Sara 3 years ago (edited)
I grew up like this. I was raised to believe I was a burden and my only worth was to make my moms life easier. If I wasn't making her life easier than I better stay out of her way and only talk to her until she needed me.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
F**k that line. My mom's ex husband said this to me. I was a teen, too. Seems even being seen was a crime unless I was doing chores. This comes from people who refuse to understand that you can learn a lot from kids and open your imagination up again.
Shreeky 3 years ago
The only time I ever got told that was only if I interrupted an adult talking or if my mom was on the phone and I wouldn't leave her alone. My parents never said it any other time except for those. So I always thought it meant do not interrupt an adult speaking and do not pester a parent that's in the phone unless it's an emergency (this was back in the 80s and 90s before cellphones were a thing)... I basically taught my kids the same but I never used that phrase. My kids were taught Do not interrupt an adults conversion unless it's important. Do not interrupt an adult when they are speaking to you until they are done speaking. If I am the phone talking, do not bother me if I hold up "wait a min" finger(I hate talking on the phone so it's not often when that happens. I am partially deaf, I have to wear hearing aides and it's hell talking on the phone with hearing aides, so my kids knows when I'm on the phone it's usually something important or I wouldn't be talking on the phone)
Susan Briggs 3 years ago
This is how i grew up and why i felt my opinions feelings and thoughts were not important for so long.I can proudly say i have broken this vicious cycle my kids run my life and my house and theyre thoughts and opinions are all i care about.i love it when they tell me how they feel or think or want.it lets me know we have an open line of comunication.:))
M Redmond 3 years ago
Lol tell me how this worked out for you when they become teenagers! Have you watched an episode of Dr Phil with out of control teens doing drugs, having sex, stealing the car, putting holes in the walls while the parents are locked in their bedrooms scared of them?!?! Those were little spoiled, "run the house" type kids! There is a time& a place! &I bet you say, "no, never! Not MY kids!!" That is the best&most predictable! Like my grandmother told my mother, &my mother told me, "just wait until you have your own kids! You will see!" Everything you say will NEVER be YOUR kids will come back two fold! Trust me. Or don't ! That is on you! The secret is really this, how you treat YOUR parents is how your kids will treat YOU. SO, everyone hear trying to talk down on parents or how they were raised, better think twice!! You may not agree or UNDERSTAND why your parents did or said certain things BUT ONE DAY, you just might get it. Don't get too big for your britches! Grama line again! Gold!
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Lisa Haag 3 years ago
He is trying to say that children should always be quiet
Load More Replies... #17
Well I was mostly raised by my grandparents. We lived in an all white community and my grandparents believed every terrible thing they had ever been told about black people. I spent my youth being fed those lies but everyone I knew was white and I couldn’t imagine it being true. When I got to college I met my first non white people and was able to verify that the things they believed just weren’t true. And luckily both of them realized that before they passed away.
Kayla Schmitz 3 years ago
You didn't meet a non white person until college? having grown up in such a diverse urban area its unbelievable to me that still happens in current times - clearly I am naive
Lilia Loewenberg 3 years ago
Black kids are told untruths about white people too. It goes both ways. Apparently, we all live in the suburbs in houses with 2 car garages, a pool, etc. Not everyone is privileged.
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
Just so all my fellow white people know, cause this is getting embarassing, there’s a huge difference between “racism” and “prejudice.” “Racism” implies oppression (enslaving people, controlling their movements and expressions and daily life) while “prejudice” involves just not liking a certain group of people based on your own personal s**t. Black people being rude about white people is not “racist.” It’s “prejudice.” White people being rude about black people IS racist because the system is already in place to oppress them and these shitty comments just add fuel to that fire. No minority can truly be racist towards white people, it’s not possible, sorry. If a Mexican/Black/Asian etc person says “I don’t like white people” that’s just plain old prejudice and something those minorities have personally had to live with from white people for centuries - still not cool but suck it up, buttercup. Be nice to them anyways. Be kind to your fellow people, white folks. Thank you and have a good night. *bows*
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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 3 years ago
My grandfather didn't. It was very sad. He got more racist the older he got.
Emmett O'Brian 3 years ago
I try to get people to realize the bad they see in any community is because of the hardships of poverty and not because of the people themselves. I point out that all the same things they say about black and brown communities were said about Irish and Italian communities when they were in poverty.
Rajinder S Jutlla 3 years ago
I am British Sikh and when I got to University many students told me I spoke really good English, this is back in the 80's. This came as a complete surprise to me as I just spoke like the kids around me at school and that was with a broad Yorkshire accent. They were totally blown away when they learnt that I was into Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd! But is was so natural to me.
Keri Mascagni 3 years ago
Glad for the happy ending. I took care of an old man who was old south and blacks were the "N" word and no good and refused to have any people of color care for him. He lived with his son and DIL and the were super racist, no talking to them about it.
Eiryn Elliott 3 years ago
I'm so glad to hear this. Every time someone turns around and realizes racism is false and hate based and TAUGHT, we make some progress.
#18
Animals don't get cold, they're made for being outside.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
Some animals are. Some animals are too housebound to have developed a proper undercoat, protective oil to repel water and fat to survive.
Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
Domestics cats are often let outside in my area of the world. Cats are biologically unprepared for child climates. Many freeze to death here, but there are still humans who think animals just magically acclimate and can change their own physicality.
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Benita Valdez 3 years ago
But please keep in mind in some countries cold is like 50F (10C) and if they grew up with animals outside it's reasonable. Cattle dogs weren't allowed in the house when my dad was a kid in South America. Some dogs are built for being outside and cold temperatures; my mutts were built for couches and my dad accepted that eventually
Anaïs Grobin 3 years ago
This. Everyone else in the comments seems to ignore that logic. Where I live, winter can go as low as -15F, and it's common here for domestic animals (mostly strays, but sometimes pets) to freeze to death. In the spring, people frequently find strays dead in their sheds & outbuildings.
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Sarcastic Cow 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, put malamute or siberian husky inside, they will have no behavioral problems at all. Have you ever seen a normal cat (not some of that expensive kinds) when winter is coming? Their fur thickens, they are fully capable of surviving outside. On the other hand, throwing a chihuahua out in the cold is just cruel, but it is also cruel to breed such dogs just for fun and like pets for stupid people.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
I have two cats, both adopted from a local shelter. One turns into a woolly mammoth in the fall and would probably be just fine outdoors (both are indoor-only cats), and the other hops from rug to rug because he thinks the floor is too cold.
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Amanda Lawrence 3 years ago
This is true for many animals, some dogs and cats love the cold and snow, short haired animals obviously dont, but you cant get a husky to come in out of the snow. A lack of animal knowledge always causes this black and white argument. Not all animals are created equal
#19
‘’Parents always know what’s best for their child’’
Daryl McIntire 3 years ago
Well duh! Always is an absolute, and there's many situations where parents are horrible. How is this revolutionary information?
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Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Bbaaaaahhhaaaaaahahahah! No they don’t. Mine didn’t which was why CPS took us away and I ended up with custody of my younger sister at age 19
Michael Beswick 3 years ago
Being a parent requires no background checks, training or checks of ability to care and provide for a child; so it's blind luck if a parent happens to be good.
David Force 3 years ago
The hardest part of being a parent is letting your children make mistakes. They learn more from their mistakes than by listening to their parents preach at them. Small kids make small mistakes and it’s best for them to learn that way as long as you are keeping them safe. My kid had more courage than I did to try new things so I didn’t know what was best for her, she did, because she is a unique individual separate, and frankly, better than me.
Imurkittie 3 years ago
They used to know whats best lol. In today's society with the internet growing faster than we can imagine, kids learn more than their parents and they start to feel out what they like/ want in life. If this wants to hold true then the parent should be the guide and not the dictator for what's best. Like I know my daughter wants a tattoo but she's 11 and she can wait until she's 18. I'll help her find the art she wants and help her find a reputable artist when its time. Instead of saying no tattoos ever(you know she's gonna get one if you do that) I set boundaries to guide because it's for the best.
Chris Motard 3 years ago
Parent don't always know what's best for their child... But the government NEVER knows what's best for a child.
Portia 3 years ago
A woman I know refused to get her 6 year old son into counseling when I suggest it might be helpful for him. Only because he has a younger brother who has taken up his parents attention since birth. The little brother is disabled, has had multiple surgeries of many kinds, has actually died twice, etc. I suggested that it might give him ways to cope. The mom said that he was perfectly fine, that it didn't affect him in any way, but even when mom was 300 miles away for weeks at a time at a distant hospital. She figured he wasn't going through the trauma with her. Then covid hit and she wouldn't allow him to see his dad so as not to expose his vulnerable brother to any risk of getting covid (but her husband still went to work...). About 10 months into covid and not seeing his dad, his dad unexpectedly passed away. But that didn't affect him either, she said. I just wanted to scream that he is human. Just because he's a young child, doesn't mean things don't affect him!
NsG 3 years ago
That's a woman in denial. She needs one child who is perfectly (to Stepford levels) fine so she can devote all her time and energy to the sicker younger child. Goddess forbid she have to deal with TWO needy children! She's actually putting her own needs ahead of BOTH her children - selfish woman. That poor boy will end up in therapy anyway.
Load More Replies... #20
They're not gay, they're just confused.
ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
bullshite. so what if they're gay? if ya got a problem don't look. just live under a freaking rock your entire life
Anine C 3 years ago
My mom, an original feminist and WWII nurse, used to always say, "They must be born that way because why would anyone choose to be gay?" So one day I replied, "Of course being a woman isn't a choice, because why would anyone choose to be born one in a male dominated society?" Then she finally understood; it's not your identity that make life difficult or pleasant, it's how people react to your identity.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I've heard worse from within my family, I'm embarrassed to say. We had a gay mayor for a while. Yup. Lots of intolerance was said.
Wistiti 3 years ago
My 5 wants to marry a girl when she grows up because boys are useless. "No, boys are not useless. But you can marry whomever you want."
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Oh and bi is just an experimental phase and you're really just gay or super confused. That was a really annoying and frustrating one for me; why was it so hard just to except men and women turn me on? Maybe I'm just too indecisive
buttonpusher 3 years ago
My mother still talks about it like it's a choice. She says she doesn't understand why someone would want to be gay. Tried to explain that someone can feel the same way about straight people. "Why? Being straight is normal." Tbh I gave up. She's one of those people you can't get through to.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
In Florida, the governor and his cronies would make it illegal to be gay.
Jesus Christ 3 years ago
the people who say LGBTQ+ are confused, are the ones who are confused
RafCo 3 years ago
I never really got this from my parents, as much as I got this from my peers. I grew up in the "gay" as insult era. My parents taught me that homosexuality is a mere fact of biology. They added no more shame to it, then to being short or tall. It was my friends who really pushed the gay = bad ideology. Where they got that from... I can only guess.
#21
That their love has conditions, and if not followed they will drop you in your time of need. Right or wrong, I hope my children will never feel like they can’t talk to me or that I will judge them.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
And some elderly folks wonder why their family dumped them in a care home and don't want to contact them again.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
I've worked in many care homes as a nurse (and the majority of people aren't being "dumped", it's often the better decision, not all people are able to care for their elderly, don't shame them please) and it's it's always sad to see lonely old people. But I found there's always a story behind why there's no contact, always two sides to a story. Someone who seems to be a nice person might not have been to their kids.
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AndThenICommented 3 years ago
Ah yes, the ol’ “if you do [insert ‘bad’ thing here], we’ll kick you out…” line. Just brims with secure, well adjusted rearing
Kevin Kenneth 3 years ago
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Natalie Kelsey 3 years ago
My kids' privileges have conditions. Those they have to earn. Their basic needs do not have conditions and will always be met, and they never ever have to earn my love. Am I always pleased with their choices? No. Am I always proud of who they are personally? Yes. I love them for who they are, not who I expect them to be
Alyssa Lapa 3 years ago
My brother and sister had to learn this the hard way about their father. He was all about the perfect family, and if he thought their interests were stupid he didn't want anything to do with it. My brother had it the hardest because he wanted the relationship but his dad didn't accept the things that he found interesting. Both kids are amazing honors courses and both will have graduated with their diploma and AA before going to college. He definitely missed out. But I'm so glad his toxicity is gone.
#22
Saying, 'Do as I say, not as I do.' A leader shouldn't ask his followers to do something he wouldn't.
Alex Doiron 3 years ago
One exception for me is health and safety. I will take risks with my safety that I will not allow my subordinates to take with theirs.
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Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
I actually disagree with this one to some extent. I was a smoker and when my daughter would ask about it I would express to her how bad it is and don't even try it, yaddi yadda. She would ask why I do it then and again I would explain about addiction etc and that it was a huge regret. I then said the above sentence to her. We have flaws, make mistakes and we certainly don't want our kids to make the same mistakes so yeah, sometimes Do as I say, not as I do is a suitable sentence.
Kross T. 3 years ago
I don't really agree with this one. Most often, it is said by adults that know they shouldn't be doing something (like smoking) or should be doing something (like exercising, eating healthy) and are having difficulty doing that. They want the next generation to NOT follow their example and to do the right thing. There is nothing wrong with admitting you are making mistakes, struggling, or doing things you know you shouldn't/not doing things you know you should. No one is perfect. "Do as I say, not as I do" is an admission that you are not doing the right thing and that you know you should be doing better, and want your child (or students, mentee, trainee, etc) to do better than you have done. Of course, some people always ruin it and use it whenever they're telling someone to do something unreasonably stringent, or use it as they boss someone around.
Phill Healey 3 years ago
In my experience that's a saying that's applied to a 3rd party and isn't something anyone would say in relation to themselves, unless they were a complete idiot.
Trista Cole 3 years ago
You misunderstood that. Do as I say and not as I do means like if you see me so something dumb then I tell you not to do it, don't be like awe well I seen you so it.
Mega Tron 3 years ago
Sorry, but this one is ok in the parent/child relationship. I'm gonna drink alcohol. I'm gonna say words that they can't say until they're older. I'm gonna cross the street without holding hands. There are things that are ok for me to do, that are not ok for my kids to do.
Dizz2K7 Gaming 3 years ago
That's not what that means. Not even close. It's closer to "just because I'm risking my life or well-being, doesn't mean you should.".
#23
That sex is something to be ashamed of.
Miss-Un-Derstood 3 years ago
Let me guess? Religious parents? Why are they SO obsessed with sex & punishment?
Trinity 3 years ago (edited)
As the Granddaughter of a rambling, insensitive, homophobic, toxic Catholic old wench, I can happily answer that for you: Sex is seen as a 'Sin of the Flesh'. It's the very thing that brings life, and yet, it is seen as sinful and unclean because "It's lust, not love." According to Catholic theology, 'Sins of the Flesh' are the reason most people are in Hell. Sex is associated with impurity and seen as a stain on the soul. But here's a funny loophole: It's not premarital sex if you never get married.
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Ali Sherlock 3 years ago
and also, that its ok if you dont want to have sex, because of my medication i have a low sex drive and ive FINALLY found a man who accepts that and doesn't pressure me
Lori Rogers 3 years ago
You are soo lucky to have found that man. I have same libido. Where'd you find him?
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Starlee Wanders 3 years ago
Grew up in a Christian house where sex was openly discussed. Parents taught me about sex as a toddler. It was funny to see my friends' faces when I asked a sex question in front of everyone and the shock when my parents answered honestly. Politics was a taboo subject but not sex. So glad my parents taught me that sex is natural and not something dirty or sinful. They were pretty open about a lot of subjects other parents would have freaked out over.
Clay Tom 3 years ago
Don't say that! As it takes the prejudicy out of being religious! Funny #26 prejudicy towards religion! Wait that belongs in the Raciest post! As it's social okay to be prejudice against religion!
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Jimmy Lewis 3 years ago
This is the absolute worst thing to teach your kids. This has destroyed so many relationships.
Faith Elemenohpee 3 years ago
And resulted in many unplanned teenage pregnancies .
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lakitha tolbert 3 years ago
Not just that but it's supposed to be a fun thing that two (or more) people share!
Lilia Loewenberg 3 years ago
It's not something my parents spoke about but I wouldn't say they were ashamed of it... Just didn't feel comfortable talking to us about it.
Channo Sagara 3 years ago
Sorry I'm asian. In this part of the world, it is. There's no ifs and buts, it's just our different culture.
#24
That as long as we “have always been given everything we need we are loved”. The emotional abuse has ruined me
Helenium 3 years ago
yeah im always called ungrateful or selfish or the "dont you know what we have done for you" when i stand up to their abuse
Tracy Wallick 3 years ago
Children don't owe their parents for providing for their basic needs. They didn't ask to be born, and parents who demand gratefulness for fulfilling their minimum legal obligations are scum.
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StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I don't understand this completely. I'm guessing in this case material objects and gifts were substituted for respect, kindness and nurturing.
Leon Lewis 3 years ago
That one isn't wrong. If you are emotionally abused, you HAVEN'T "been given everything you need".
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
Especially when paired what they had to sacrifice to make us comfortable. Didn't asked to be born though, building a family was their idea.
Vickie Tackett 3 years ago
It's really hard, to overcome monsters for parents. Mine, caused my painful depression, and it made being Bipolar, and manic depressive even harder to deal with. Especially,when you too it off with ADHD. It can be handled, and you can become whatever you want to be. It's not easy at first, especially, if you've blocked a lot of your childhood line I did. A mental health expert, can and will make a difference! Mine, was amazing! After three sessions, and going on medication, I felt like someone pulled a blanket off if me! I could actually feel the sunshine warner then ever! I didn't want to let anyone in, ever. After, I let her, and God in a year later I started cutting back on the meds, and live a normal and sane life! It takes time, but you'll get there!
Panda en Pyjama 3 years ago
I've heard that so many times "as long as we have love"... No, that's not true. We need money, security, enough to eat, not to feel in danger in our relationships and so many other things ...
Samantha Bennison 3 years ago
Yup! My dad always pointed out that he provided us with a home and food and that was all he had to do...the only time he spent time with us was to bark orders at us
#25
The man of the house is always right.
Kez 3 years ago
"I'm smart; you're dumb. I'm big; you're little. I'm right; you're wrong and there's nothing you can do about it" Matildas dad to her
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
Apparently I'm the boss of the house but that's because I know the schedules, budget, where everything is etc so everyone comes to me, including hubby.
Kross T. 3 years ago
This was something I learned growing up in a traditional Christian household where the church we went to reinforced this with sermons about the structure of family with the man (husband/father) at the head and the woman (wife/mother) supporting, but "below" him in the hierarchy. Offspring, however old, were then below them in the hierarchy. My Dad was a big believer in this. He's always been very subservient to his parents, even though his mom (who grew up in the 30s) only had an 8th grade education and was honestly quite ignorant. As an intelligent young girl, it always rubbed me the wrong way. I decided when I was quite small that I didn't need a man to head my household because my mom clearly didn't (my dad was in the Navy). I thought marrying someone in the Navy seemed like a pretty good gig... you could get married and have kids, but the man was always at sea and never there to boss you around! Later I found out you didn't have to get to married to have kids and a house 😂
James Smith 3 years ago
Or you could discuss disagreements like adults... But maybe that's just my homosexual indoctrination talking.
#26
No, it's not racist to say that.
Who the What 3 years ago
This! Not by the color of the skin, but by the content of their character.
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Vickie Tackett 3 years ago
I was raised in a Extremely racist family. I was even beaten, in front of God, and everyone around at a convience store, because I shared my cookie's with some black friends from school. The owner of the 7-11, knew my mom, and dad, and called them. The sick things they taught me, still upsets me about people who did not have our skin color. My parents, would turn over in their grave if they knew, I'm Not racist anymore. Plus, when I got older, I found out that we're mostly Native American Indian. Cherokee and Apache on my mom's side, and Cherokee on my dad's. With a little Irish from my mom's side, and a little Scottish from my dad's. So, how can they be white Supremacists (Yes, they actually belonged to the group)? I wonder if they told them, because I know for a fact, White Supremacists, hate Native American Indians! Face palm!
Kori Chamberlain 3 years ago (edited)
The context I'm thinking for this is that somone was raised in a household that was excessively "not racist", like they tried so hard to be color blind that mentioning something like black/african hair is different would have been seen as racist. Which its not. Pretending that we have no differences at all only serves to erase the valid and interesting differences that make us who we are. Its only an issue when you assign value and judgment to those differences. Edit to say: this only makes sense if the leson they learned later is that not every thing about race is racist. Other people read it as the parents saying that its not racist to say certain things. All in all, another poorly chosen reddit comment without context from boredpanda
Kymberli Benton 3 years ago
Boy oh boy did I see the ugly side of my father with Trump I never heard my father say anything when I was growing up NEVER This sounds familiar but his best friend for over 40 years was a great black man when he passed it was one of the few times I've ever seen him cry Then Trump and all the other racist came out of the woodwork The things he says is horrifying not just because it's just wrong but his granddaughter he claims to live so much is biracial and I ask him how he can say this and love her so much he says it's different But ofcourse it's not I had to tell my daughter she's 37 yrs old not to trust his words because he lies to her and to himself I told her to love him at a distance to try and keep his ugliness these past 6 years away from her he never has said anything to her but I'm just afraid he will get mad and it will all come out and crush her she thinks he's everything sadly so did I once
Walking On Sunshine 3 years ago
Trump brought out the worst of America. The absolute gutter trash.
Load More Replies... Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
Just be very weary of "I'm not racist", it's almost always followed by a big BUT and something racist.
Bobby 3 years ago
I knew a guy who would say "I'm not a racist, but..." and follow it with a completely innocent statement: The weather is nice, this food is delicious, etc. He got a kick out of the confusion on peoples faces as they tried to construct a reason for those statements being somehow racist in their heads
Load More Replies... NsG 3 years ago
Given the context of the article I'd say its the parent defending what they've said when the child has called them out.
Load More Replies... Bobby 3 years ago
I'm confused here, have people been told the phrase "No to racism" is a racist statement?
Stephanie Goadsby 3 years ago (edited)
What really bothers me is when people are recognized in any way for being 1 of (enter number here) of (enter skin colour/ancestral background here) to have achieved (enter any accomplishment here). If people truely weren't racist, skin colour or ancestry wouldn't even be noticed let alone, pointed out as though their achievement is somehow remarkable due to some imaginary disadvantage. Just give people accolades for their individual accomplishments.
JPB 3 years ago
My dear, you hit the nail right on the head!! Exactly what is happening and it’s all wrong. Someone who sees things the way they are. Will you marry me?
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Anonymous Resident 3 years ago
Nobody should be mistreated or discriminated against because of their skin color. HOWEVER... Nobody should be beyond reproach and criticism or handled with kid gloves because of the color of their skin, either. It's absolutely racist to say that Sally is lazy or a bad worker because she's black. But, if Sally legitimately is lazy or a bad worker, it should be perfectly fine to have that pointed out, even though she's black. A person's level of melanin shouldn't be inversely proportional to their accountability. In fact, the two shouldn't be related at all. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Twinkie Wilson 3 years ago
ABSOLUTELY!!! A lot of these policies actually hurt the black community. Affirmative action teaches you're entitled to something because of your skin color. That you're owed something. A lot of what's going on now goes DIRECTLY against what Dr. Martin Luther King stood for. He never said a person shouldn't be judged by the color of their skin and that means positively or negative. It's a person's character and abilities that are important. I teach my son that he can be anything and NOTHING or NO ONE can change that! He's the master of his own destiny and we've shown him that by how we've lived our lives and what we've accomplished. Also, accountability. Minorities should be held just as responsible for their actions as others. That's a huge problem in my community. Something is ALWAYS someone else's fault. Let's take responsibility for our own actions! And teach our children right from wrong.
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#27
Don't worry about the college loans! You're smart, you'll get a good job and pay that off in a few years.
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
Donkey Kong? I dunno, that's one pretty intelligent monkey..
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Summer and Luna K 3 years ago
I'm a janitor at a very very nice college just so my daughter can have a free education.
Loty 3 years ago
As long as you pick a profession that actually pays good wages like engineering. Good luck paying your loans with degree in art appreciation.
Emmett O'Brian 3 years ago
Up until about 3 years ago, economists were still beating the "college creates more income" drum. Lately they've been backing off of that but you can still hear the cognitive dissonance when they try and give a "nuanced" response.
GPZ 3 years ago
Increasingly simply have a college education is not a guarantee of a job. On the other hand, why is getting an education such an expensive thing (looking at places like the US particualrly). Education has always been the ladder out of the poverty trap, but then, if you're goal is to keep them down there makinig an education insanely expensive is a good way to go about it.
GuyYouMetOnline 3 years ago
To be fair, people saying that are usually basing this on how things were when they were on college, when this often was the case. That advice is less wrong and more outdated.
Lee Diogeneia 3 years ago
That's a lie your parents were fed too. They didn't know any better. The only thing about this that qualifies as "parenting style" is that they believe the government will protect them and that national institutions like banks wouldn't take advantage of them.
#28
That it is illegal to have the little ceiling light on in the car.
Imurkittie 3 years ago
Not in every state or province. Every state has different laws about the light. It can be a distraction for driving. It's not wise to drive with it on. You won't go to jail or get a ticket for it on. Just told to turn it off when driving. I read the new CA driver handbook every year (for work purposes), there is not mention of the light being illegal. So please find sources before posting thanks
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Matthew Arthurs 3 years ago
Depends on the place. That light does make it very hard to see the road though.
Lawrence mcalistar 3 years ago
If it's the law why don't people that make cars not have them turn off while vehicle is in motion we have that technology...
Barry Elder 3 years ago
Speeding is illegal ,too, so why don't they put governor's on vehicles so they can't go over 70 mph?
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JPB 3 years ago
Wow, if that’s the horrible thing your parents told you…. well you poor baby, what a traumatic childhood.
Chrysalis Cam 3 years ago
The article is "wrong things your parents taught you" not "most traumatic thing your parents did/said." Not every wrong thing needs to be horrible, some are just amusing. Both teach wisdom in "parents aren't always right".
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#29
That i basically have to be a smaller version of them, believe exactly what they do and not think for myself and have my own opinion. If i have kids id let them be open minded and believe what they want
C.Douglas 3 years ago
Every parent should aspire for their kids to be better than them not the same
Rage of Aquarius 3 years ago
No, my parents see themselves in me and flip their s**t. I'm too much like my dad, and they both hate that about me. Don't push your kids to be anything, just let them be who they need to be.
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Monica Rogers 3 years ago
I have a friend that was SHOCKED to learn I was a different political party than my parents, with whom I had a close loving relationship. I explained they encouraged me and my siblings to educate ourselves on current events and make up our own minds. I do the same with my children.
Lytha Hawkeye 3 years ago
My mom still can't see me as my own person, she literally calls me her clone, I'll be 35 in June.....
Stephanie Goadsby 3 years ago
My parents see my children as having their attributes as though they birthed them. I just stare at them in disbelief that I wasn't adopted and tell them they should have had children of their own. The funniest part is that my children are 4 and 4 months. So in a way they are right when it comes to the tantrums, and dependency.
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MotherRobinson 3 years ago
I want my kids to be different than me and most of them are. I really want them to be the best people they can be.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
It's taken many years for my mom to finally accept I'm different from her. Whereas I've enjoyed watching mine grow up and see the kind of person she is. It's interesting and fascinating.
LMDontKnow 3 years ago
This reminds me of the Simpsons where Lisa didn't believe in go, she believes in Buddha and her family didn't stop her.
Steven Sequeira 3 years ago
Sounds like you get the “I raised you better than that” speech when you have differing opinions, too?
christine buckley 3 years ago
We are in the US...or at least am...but these rights should be universal.
Susan Egan 3 years ago
I'm going to play devils advocate here. It's hard to not teach your kids your values. There are many little beliefs that you instill by your actions. I'd be disappointed if my kids became conservatives, I should say close minded conservatives. Or if one became deeply involved in a cult that was based on some odd religious belief. What we achieved with our kids is they are both willing and able to look at things from more than one side and discuss it.
#30
To try to fit in as much as possible and to please others, at the expense of who you really are on the inside.
Johan van Luijn-Hermans 3 years ago (edited)
There are so many things in this list that have hurt me over the years, but this one was probably the worst one for me and is still today. After already years of mental issues, currently recovering from a depression. After 36 years I'm now finally at the point that I really feel like I'm allowed to express myself. Wear the clothes I like, live the life that I like, hell even think what I like. Never, ever tell your kids to be normal, if they are expressing themselves differently. They will start eating away themselves from the inside and at some point they will break.
Kelly Jo 3 years ago
Never caught on to that. My sister manages it great. I just find it to difficult to be fake. Also feels like lying... just not cool
Teresa Stabler 3 years ago
It's lying to yourself and others. You are who you are and noone should try to dictate who you *should* be.
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Bljurg 3 years ago (edited)
Ah, when you can't stand your job, because they are ridiculing and insulting you, while piling up others' work onto you, because you're the one with highest education and skill, and the only one that knows how to do it. Then after a couple of years of the abuse, injustice and swallowing everyone's crap, you break one day and your parents tell you "Oh, don't, just take the crap, be glad you have a job".
Emmett O'Brian 3 years ago
On the other hand, I'm mostly incapable of fitting in and that has caused a lot of pain and depression.
Panda en Pyjama 3 years ago
I still do this and probably always will...I'm 40 years old, diagnosed with autism and I realize that I don't know who I am anymore because I've always wanted to please others...
LuckyNumbers 3 years ago
Waiting for my diagnosis at 42. Never knew what stimming was. Just that I had to "sit still and stop fidgeting". I taught myself to sit on my hands. The consequences of not obeying were far worse than feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Feel like I have to unlearn everything and restart from scratch. It's terrifiyng.
Load More Replies... Channo Sagara 3 years ago
To try to fit in as much as possible and to please others, BUT NOT at the expense of who you really are on the inside.
GPZ 3 years ago
"Normal" is like the mean/average. Yes there will be people who are close approximations of that value/identity but by no means (no pun intended) does it cover the whole spectrum of humanity and I am extremely grateful for that fact. How boring a world it would be if everyone in it was the same
#31
That people will judge you for colored/ fun it hair, piercings and tattoos. It’s only partly true. They judge you for everything.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
There's always going to be someone who will find something to judge you if they really want to judge you. If it's not tattoos, it's your choice of clothes. If it's not that it's the way you walk or something else completely natural to you. If someone wants to laugh laugh back at them.
Brenda 3 years ago
I taught my kids to learn about the person, that what they look like on the outside doesn't matter. It's the inside that counts. (Actually I said I didn't care if they were purple, green or blue as long as they were good people. And that some people are born assholes and other people practice!)
Fred Van Der Zee 3 years ago
True. Just stick with the people that do not judge you on these things.
#32
That it’s cocky and conceited to show any kind of self confidence.
olx 3 years ago
my parents used to describe narcissism as loving yourself when i came across it in a book - then told me narcissists are terrible people. so. i remember vividly at one point in year two - when learning love your neighbour as yourself (christian school) - saying "what if i dont love myself" so yea, feeling good.
#33
To wait until marriage. You know they won’t anyway. The best you can do is teach them to be safe and pray they do ok.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I have said it before and I will say it again. I believe the no sex or cohabitation before marriage is not a good idea. You can't truly know a person and their habits unless you live with them for a while and you want to 'test out the waters' before you make a long life commitment to someone. You also want to make sure you have sexual compatibility.
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
I agree that people should live together before being married, and that there's a lot you really don't know about someone until you've lived with them. I have habits that I just don't think about, and it wouldn't come up in conversation because I don't recognize them. And a lot of people I think would say a little different after living with someone for a few months or longer. It's not guaranteed, but I think it's better to live with the person to see. The sex part, well, I don't feel justified to state an opinion.
Load More Replies... Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
Education and honesty, everything else leads to things like unwanted pregnancies and stds. I also feel like se# is an important part of a relationship and has to be a good fit, imagine you find out you just don't like the same things after you fully committed.
TheFox 3 years ago
The only reason that would happen is if you werent honest and didn't communicate as a couple...you should be able to talk about anything in the relationship leading up to marriage and if you can then that's the reason it would fail.
Load More Replies... #34
"Don't compare yourself with your friends" when they got something I didn't have, while comparing me with my friends whenever they did better than me at something
Vorknkx 3 years ago
Ugh, this is so toxic. Every child is different, they can't all solve quadratic equations with the same proficiency.
Devin Howe 3 years ago
Ex: my family always asks me to solve math for them, even when it's as simple as 5sin(90)^3
Load More Replies... Anjelika 3 years ago
I'm an average student while my friend got a scholarship, my dad never liked her or her parents but when I told him the good news (I was really happy for her) , he was why can't you be like her, luckily I was mature enough to not get jealous etc but It made me see his toxicity and I never told him any personal things anymore
#35
That you can’t change how things are and you can’t ask questions because “I said so”
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I've only used this during an obnoxious "WhyWhyWhyWhyWhy" moment. Always hated the "because I said so." bit. Ah. Okay. So there's no real reason why. I get it. pfft.
Bobby 3 years ago
Oh god I hate the why why why. I use the because I said so on this, but I try to avoid it after kindergarten, I figure they're old enough I should be able to come up with an age appropriate answer at that point
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
There are times when I say 'because I said so' and thats usually when I keep getting a why after an actual answer, and then another why etc etc. You get the gist. Or sometimes I find the answer too complicated to explain in an age appropriate way.
#36
YoUr GeNeRaTiOn Is LaZy, WhY cAnT yOu Be LiKe Us
Who cares what I think, but... 3 years ago
Hopefully your generation will remember not to do this when you are older - but history shows it'll probably still happen. I just don't get how this even happens.
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Karen Lyon 3 years ago
PlEaSe TeLl WhOeVeR SaYs ThAT i'Ts NoT OrIgInAl! PlAtO cAmE uP wItH tHaT bS tHoUsAnDs Of YeArS aGo. It WaSn'T tRuE tHeN eItHeR!!
#37
"you better never bring a black woman home."
Gosiaatje 3 years ago
OMG, to me they added "Or an Asian. Or a Muslim or a Jew"! Only a good Catholic boy of the same ethnic group... I'm glad to say I married an atheist Latino and sent my child to a Jewish pre-school 😋
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 3 years ago
I was a not so good Catholic boy who just covered it up well.
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#38
That crying and expressing your emotions in general is rude, over sensitive and embarrassing. It's not. And I hate that I still feel like a piece of sh*t when I can't hold back my tears. Expressing your emotions is natural and healthy. Crying is a mechanism to let go of emotional distress instead of overloading your brain.
Bobby 3 years ago
My wife and I have a bit of a role reversal on traditional gender roles with this one. My parents had plenty of faults in raising me, but very healthy opinions on expressing emotion. I have no qualms showing any emotions, but she was raised on the bottle up your emotions school of thought and I've only seen her cry twice.
#39
Being hypercritical. My parents were very critical of me about so many things. My grades, my performance in extra circular activities, even how I did chores. What was worse was that they would often compare me to others as well, and would only ever praise me when they were basically bragging to other people. An example that always stuck with me was when I had a part time job as a waiter in high school, and my dad would often scold me for wasting my time at a a useless job instead of focusing on school, and how I was just gonna end up being a bum just like my older brother. But then when he's talking to his friends he brags about how his youngest son is so hard working, he even has a part time job in high school! It's this sort of hypercriticism is why I struggle a lot with self esteem and confidence. What's worse is that I find myself even being hypercritical of other people's behavior, like if they make a mistake or don't do something how I would've done. I don't snap like my dad would do, but I still find myself immediately getting annoyed. It's something I'm working on, and hope to never do to my future kids.
LuckyNumbers 3 years ago
Ok now I really really want to know what extra circular activities are. Sounds so much better than boring old extra curricular!😉
#40
Eating cookies before dinner gives you worms. Had nightmares as a child.
#41
That I would get pregnant as soon as I had sex. Told me that as a teenager, so I was terrified I’d get pregnant every time I interacted with a penis. Now (a decade later), I’m married and have been actually trying and it turns it out it’s not as easy as they made it sound
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
We were told by my Grade 5 teacher that if we sit on sperm will get pregnant. If it comes anywhere in contact with our vagina's vicinity we'll get pregnant. That stuck with me until High School when we had a better sex ed teacher.
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
As a guy, I heard (and thus far have not been told it's untrue) that it can be "close" and still "swim" and make its way to the egg. Very unlikely to do so but still possible.
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#42
Men and women couldn’t be friends I was raised in a weird a*s religion in which almost any amount of communication with the opposite sex was seen as dating. Regularly texting a girl? That may as well be dating. It’s a belief that I’ve had to unlearn after moving out so that I could have normal friendships with people.
Panda en Pyjama 3 years ago
I've always gotten along better with boys than with girls (I'm a girl), and I've always had mostly boy friends (gay and straight), I found that they were more frank, simpler, less headaches than girls my age (then with them, I could talk about the things I loved: video games and Magic Gathering!) (And yes, I know that girls like it too) (but I never find one ...)
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
I have been friends with so many boys in the past. There was only one time when one of them developed a crush on me but i rejected him since i didn’t return his feelings
#43
Apologizing and showing emotions is a sign of weakness
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
Reminds me of a (joke) video I saw not long ago about shadow the hedgehog saying to never apologize. I think it was based off an older copypasta though.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
Especially when it comes to men, leads to toxic masculinity and all sort of mental health problems.
#44
How it feels to be hit by a belt.
Mama Panda 3 years ago
I'm almost 56 years old and I remember that feeling well. My dad even used the belt buckle side of it.
Jacob Nunez 3 years ago (edited)
Oooo that hurts. But not as much by being hit in the eye with it (still have the scar)
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Nandina 3 years ago
As a little girl, my father stood me on the toilet seat so that he had a better angle on my a** and whipped me with a belt because I was fidgety in church. I was probably hungry or had to pee or cold or just plain bored to tears. Made me question the whole god is love thing at that tender young age. I've been an atheist ever since. btw, I'm 66 yrs old now.
#45
That grades determine your future. Grades are important and all, but they shouldn't come before life.
jammer 3 years ago (edited)
How does one choose to have either grades or life? While I was getting my grades, I worked, vacationed, paid bills, partied, worried, dated, shopped, had exactly the same life my not-studying friends did. Except now I have my grades and I don’t have to work or worry as hard as them anymore. Working hard in school is much better than working hard throughout your entire life.
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
A big problem today is it seems that your grades don't really get you any further than someone who didn't have them. This, of course, depends somewhat on your desired career path, but I dropped out of college and I'm making more per hour than plenty who went on to get full degrees
Load More Replies... Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago (edited)
Nobody cares if you got a C on your 6th grade math test, you won't die if you fail a class. Of course it's important to get a good education and good grades when you graduate will help a lot, but they shouldn't be the be-all and end-all of life.
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#46
One of my friend's grandfather told him that giraffes have long necks to reach over the zoo wall to eat children.
Jennifer Barrett 3 years ago
That is definitely something my grandpa would have said! My dad told my cousins that if you pick a guineapig up by it's tail it's eye will fall out... they had never seen a guineapig close enough to know that they don't have tails.
Mr Monopoly 3 years ago
Probably so that they don't get to close to the railing and fall off, but if that was the point there are better ways to get the point across.
Load More Replies... #47
That girls shouldn’t want careers, and therapy and SSRIs are for “crazy people” Yeah I’m in a much better place now ever since I got out of that closeminded bubble. My daughter is not going to be shamed by me for her choices.
buttonpusher 3 years ago
The perfect life in my granny's eyes would be finish school, go to college, become a doctor, meet a man, get married, buy house, quit being a doctor, have kids, raise kids, maybe become a doctor when the kids grow up, retire for good and then die.
Bobby 3 years ago
I think that sounds like a fine dream, as long as you don't try to impose it on other people
Load More Replies... GPZ 3 years ago
therapy and SSRIs are for “crazy people”. This makes me so very 🤬. I can't wait for the day that everyone realises that mental health issues are for the most part, either 1) a chemical imbalance in the brain in exactly the way hypertension and diabetes are & 2) talking through an issue with someone who is listening and may be able to offer some coping strategies or insight into the thought process behind feeling a certain way is an extremely effective form of treatment. It can be difficult to get things "just right" but then that also applies to any form of treatment for any condition. People that make this type of statement (therapy and SSRIs are for “crazy people”) are also the one's who say things like "Oh just snap out of it" and "have you just tried being happy"
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor. They're a class of anti-depressants. Zoloft and Prozac are two examples.
Load More Replies... #48
“You don’t need friends “
Gosiaatje 3 years ago
Mine said that true friends don't exist and that you can only count on your family. Or maybe it was simply impossible to be friends with my parents? ;)
#49
"Your job is to do whatever your boss tells you to do." This led to a bunch of stupid situations of both me getting walked all over by employers and me quitting jobs over things that could have been fixed with a conversation.
GPZ 3 years ago
There is also a way to do and not do this. Staff need to fulfill the requirements of their job (as described in their JDF/contract) but that doesn't mean they can't have brilliant ideas. Their different experiences/background can give them a very different perspective on an issue and can lead to solutions that may not otherwise have been considered or even thought of. I'm grateful that my staff know that they are welcome to raise ideas/concerns with me and I think this has created a more positive work environment.
Aileen Grist 3 years ago
That your boss is your superior. No he's my senior but nobody is my superior. If they want respect then they show respect
#50
"All drugs are bad" as they take 2 advil and sip a coffee
Rage of Aquarius 3 years ago
Just add Adderall and Zoloft and that's my mother. I make one comment on cocktails, and I'm the devil while my dad vapes pot right in front of us.
Load More Replies... Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
Technically you call Advil and stuff drugs, but colloquially, "drugs" usually refers to the illegal stuff.
#51
When I was 11 years old, I was crying hysterically over my father's treatment of me after being placed with him after my mother passed away. I won't go into what was happening. I will, however, say that in my despair I made the comment that I wished I could be a wild animal instead of human, like a bear for example. My father told me that I was dumb for saying that, as mother bears correct their cubs by picking them up and bashing them into rocks until they stop making the mistake they did. I thought bears were essentially monsters for a very long time after.
#52
That God and Jesus commanded some 14 year old farm-boy As*hole to start the one true religion in Up-state New York...
Sydney Rue 3 years ago
I don’t think it’s very nice to insult someone’s religion like that, I won’t insult your beliefs if you don’t insult mine. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are good people (thought some aren’t but there’s bad people everywhere) and if there’s one thing this church has taught me is everyone has different beliefs, don’t make fun of them.
Vorknkx 3 years ago
Criticizing something is not the same as insulting it. Religions should not have immunity to criticism.
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#53
Just get a degree and you’ll able to get a very well paying job with health benefits and a solid pension.
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
That probably was the case when grandpa went to school but boy things really changed.
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
That must have been so nice eh? Go to school for a few years and you’re set for life. Houses are affordable, you can afford to retire on an average wage. I wasn’t even alive then and I miss those days.
Load More Replies... Bobby 3 years ago
My great uncle retired from a company I worked for. He would always tell me about how the pension program they "have" was great. I told him they don't do that anymore, they just offer a 401k with 6%matching. He refused to believe me up until the day he died. I just had to work "harder and longer" for them to offer me this secret pension
#54
We do not drink regular Coca-Cola because red soda cans would clash with our jewelry. Here is a dollar. Go get Mommy a Diet Coke and you may have a Diet Caffeine Free Coke. It is gold-colored and you were good today. We do not put sugar in our tea because the corrosive effects of glucose could degrade the glaze on the china. The pink packets are saccharin and the blue are aspartame. Aspartame pairs best with pekoe black tea, for green tea, use saccharin. Trust Mommy, dear. We try new foods to be polite, and we find something nice to say about them to the hostess. If you cannot think of anything good to say about the food, say "What a lovely party, Mrs. B," or praise how everything looks. Yes, exactly. 'Just like a picture' is perfect. You've been reading again. Of course we can go eat food we know we like afterwards if there's nothing we can eat much of, but try something to be polite. Well, the doctors say girls can't get autism, though, so I expect we're just picky eaters. Ladies often are.
T. D. Bostick 3 years ago
Not a fan of the lying, but the mother here was getting her kids to eat healthy.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
This mother was accepting you're Autistic? If it's that long ago, I may understand why parents never wanted to look into learning and mental issues because of how it was handled in the medical field.
Becky Moore 3 years ago
I kinda read it that the mum was autistic; she was the one saying they could only have certain things, the person writing it seemed to realise she was wrong. But that might just be me reading it differently. I have Aspergic traits myself.
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XSpooky_Mint 3 years ago
Okay- but why does no one talk about the fact that fake sugar is worse for you than real sugar?
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
I mean it depends. I can handle real sugar and wouldn't touch the fake stuff (not least of all because it tastes awful to me) because I've heard a lot of bad things about aspartame in particular. Not everyone can have sugary drinks like that. But that aside, I don't know, I wouldn't say "nobody talks about it"
Load More Replies... GPZ 3 years ago
Where to start. Um, yes, females can have autism/autism spectrum disorder (you don't catch it), including Asperger's, it's just less common than in males. We try to eat less sugar because, thanks to the sugar lobby & Co, pretty much any processed food has literally got the maximum amount of sugar possible in (search "Bliss point") and there are clear links between the increasing amount of sugar in our food and the increase in cardio-vascular disease and non insulin dependant diabetes, obesity, fatty liver and a number of cancers
#55
The dog went with the mailman. RIP Hazel.
#56
My parents fought a lot. They'd both get very emotional about things and raise their voices in every argument. By example I will teach them that when you are angry, take a break from the argument until you've both calmed down.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
" Come back here. I wasn't finished talking. DON'T walk away from ME! You're NOT going to win this argument." - With narcissists it won't matter.
#57
That if I shave a dog, it'll turn into a cat.
Jennifer Barrett 3 years ago
but did you try it? That's a risky thing to tell a kid, I would have wanted to see if it was true
Trillian 3 years ago
Can we talk about why they were even given that bit of wisdom? Why would you want to shave your dog?
Carrie Whitaker 3 years ago (edited)
depends on how it was cared for beforehand. if there are too many or too deep of fur mats, shaving might be the only solution a groomer has to fix the problem.
Load More Replies... #58
"Don't trust anyone, ever" said my dad, who is retired with no friends and no social life after frequently burning bridges throughout his life. I was about 8. It took me almost 20 years to actually learn how to socialize and have trusting, healthy relationships with people.
Who cares what I think, but... 3 years ago
However, "Don't trust everyone, ever" is something to live by.
#59
I asked my dad what the biggest number ever was, he either realized it was an impossible question and I was going to argue if he said “there is no biggest number”, or was messing with me. Anyway, imagine the laughter when in like 3rd grade we all had to go around and name a number and I said “big toe trillion”.
Donkey boi 3 years ago
When I was a kid I asked my dad the same question, He said 'the largest number with a name is Centillion, but there isn't really a highest'. Now, my dad never finished school and never knew much of anything except driving (every job he's ever had was a driving job), So I figured he was making it up. I asked my teacher at school and she said the same thing! Turns out my dad had bought an encyclopaedia and was reading it in secret.
Howaboutno 3 years ago
Yea, but now we've got the googleplex (1 followed by 10^100 0s).
Load More Replies... #60
My dad on finances, “when you have money you spend it and when you run out you just stay home”
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
To save or to spend, the eternal ordeal. I think what people want, but can't grasp (I can't speak for everyone, though), is that a nest egg is a great backup to have, but money does no good just sitting there. The way my parents always put it is "you should do something for yourself with your income, so that you have something to show for all your work every week."
#61
That I will become stupid if I eat too many hazelnuts and that I will become dark skinned if I eat lamb spleen (yes they just wanted them for themselves and yes my parents were racist)
#62
Just a "dot" of soap is all you need for doing ALL the dishes. "Don't be wasteful"... Ya ok.
#63
They said: don't be friends with the "bad kids". For my parents my whole class were "bad" even they were quite normal. So I ended with no friends because my parents didn't allow me to go outside with them. Those "bad kids" are now normal, succesful and friends with each other, but not with me.
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
Oh yeah when I was like 11 I had a friend whose mum told her she couldn’t hang out with me because I was a “bad kid.” I was on the honour roll, in the gifted programs, a band student and one of only 2 students invited into the teacher band, had won 2 science fairs and was in Girl Guides, horseback riding and had multiple international pen pals. Was in soccer and spent my time devouring books. We invented a game with paper horses cut out from magazines and got made fun of by the other 11 year olds who were more into makeup and celebrities than paper dolls by then. No time to get in trouble! But I had a lot of energy and I thought swear words were funny 😂 my bad but it really threw me off when she told me , like me?? The ultimate nerd and nice girl, a bad kid??
#64
Video Games will get you nowhere in life, boy were they wrong...
Legendteller 3 years ago
I had this exact same comment said to me when I was younger, Now I'm a Creative director of my own gaming studio company. Married a beautiful women I met in an online game, moved country and have 3 amazing little children. ALL thanks to gaming.
Vorknkx 3 years ago
Video games helped me learn English, and I've worked as a certified translator for many years. They are also the best therapy I've ever had, helping me cope with depression, anxiety, apathy, and other things... not to mention how many amazing new friends I made thanks to gaming.
Peppy Piplup 3 years ago
Video games were the reason why I got into sewing. The first ever plush I made was a crappy little sock plush of Blaze the Cat, my second ever plush was Kirby, nowadays I make Pokémon plushies.
#65
"they're jealous of you"
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
I hate this. It's not true and gives you a distorted memory and view of yourself.
#66
To hide and ignore their own emotions
#67
Joining the military is all about protecting freedom.
Brenda 3 years ago
No, its not. Some people, like my veteran husband, joined because he wanted to serve his country. Most who serve are like that. Soldiers are the ones who protect your right to say things like that
Load More Replies... Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
Ideally, this would be true. Ideally. I wouldn't call this one a lie outright, but it's definitely looking through tinted glasses.
Bobby 3 years ago
It was certainly one of my intents. I don't regret my time in the Navy, but I learned pretty quickly that protecting freedom is a marketing scam and not what was really done
Load More Replies... #68
Narcissism
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Otherwise known as living vicariously through your child so you can feel better about your failures
Mama Panda 3 years ago
That's not narcissism. Narcissism is having to be the center of attention, having to be number one all the time. Narcissism is gaslighting, abusive, lying, coercion, and manipulation to name a few. My mother was a narcissist. May she rest in Hell.
Load More Replies... #69
My dad told me he had to get an A every day at work. Turns out a C is good enough and you can cheat most of the time.
Skye_Innit 3 years ago
I have all Cs and Im in sixth grade not failing but my little sister is in fourth grade having all As thinking that she has to be perfect
#70
That i'm a handsome young man
Sarcastic Cow 3 years ago
A bit sad, if you´re a girl. But if you´re boy, I have no doubt that you are!
#71
How to change an electrical outlet, 120 volts, LIVE. Good stuff.
Bobby 3 years ago
There are cases where there is no option but to work on live electrical wiring. These are not the cases where you decide to teach your kids basic electricity/home repair. We always had a ropeman whenever this needed to be done, guy holds a rope tied around you and ready to yank if you get shocked
#72
When I was in kindergarten, the teacher asked us to go home and ask our parents how many days are in a year. So I went home and asked my dad: "240 days, son." Imagine my disappointment the next day when my teacher said that was wrong! Dad swears I never asked that or if I did I misunderstood his answer, but I heard what I heard.
Rahul Pawa 3 years ago
Maybe he was counting work days or week days? He'd be pretty close if that's the question he heard.
Howaboutno 3 years ago
Yeah. There'd only need to be 20 national holidays for that to be how many business days in a year. Idk if there are that many but it sounds about right
Load More Replies... #73
I learned to draw anime and my dad is a portrait artist. He always said start woth the eyes, which is okay when you're drawing portraits of people, but a strong foundation of building up simple shapes and getting more detailed with each pass is truly what I needed to know. Didn't change the way I drew til I was roughly 24 years old, and when I did productivity skyrocketed. Side note: my stepmom told me I should try to not use an eraser at all... she's not an artist.
Sareaesque 3 years ago
The eraser comment isn't a bad idea in moderation. I set myself a challenge for a while where I wasn't allowed to use an eraser, carried it on for a few months. It did wonders for my sketching as it forced me to work around my mistakes rather than focusing on fixing one area for ages, and how to build my layers from rough sketch to finished piece on one sheet without it being one big black smudge.
Donkey boi 3 years ago
The eraser comment isn't a bad thing. Firstly, she said 'Try'. I was talking to the woman in the supplies shop about how bad I was at certain things, and how I kept cocking-up, she told me to always try to work a mistake into the picture because 'it exercises your imagination muscles!'
#74
How to open a beer bottle with my teeth
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
Don’t open anything with your teeth folks. I am terrified of ever having to do that
#76
That you can be ANYTHING. There are some things in life that you just will never be cut out for. My parents told me that I will be the next president if I work towards it. My family told me I would become an astronaut one day and have millions of dollars and a mansion. Some people think that you can do anything, but you’re not.
Stephanie Did It 3 years ago
I was taught the opposite, that I was only being cared for by my grandparents because nobody else wanted me and somebody had to step up for the job. No affection, no encouragement, no guidance for future life. I've been suffering with self worthlessness my entire life.
Bobby 3 years ago
In an ideal world you have the potential to be anything, however we don't live in an ideal world and some people will get in your way or stop you just to be spiteful. Those that have everything will look down on you for not being born into the same fortune and on the off chance you do make it to their level of wealth will still look down on you for your roots
#77
Everything will be OK.
BlackestDawn 3 years ago
I think we need much more context about this since I suspect it's about when and how it's used.
Load More Replies... Rahul Pawa 3 years ago (edited)
I see this as a good thing to say. Maybe the full version of the quote is a little better. "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." To me it teaches that bad things can happen, and we can get through them. Using a quote like this to tell a child how to feel or not feel is not appropriate.
NsG 3 years ago
It's a little white lie. And it needs to be said. What use is catastrophising and telling the absolute truth to a child?
LuckyNumbers 3 years ago
No it doesn't. Not everything will always be ok and it is toxic to say it when you know it isn't true.
Load More Replies... Rahul Pawa 3 years ago (edited)
Losing an animal is tragic, though an animal living and suffering with a terrible disease is also tragic. I'm not advocating euthanasia. I'm saying if the universe decided it's time for that animal to pass, who am I to judge if that's good or bad? Events that bring sadness are not inherently bad because sadness is not a "bad" feeling. No feelings are "good" or "bad". They're feelings. It's ok to feel sad sometimes, and it's ok to feel joyful sometimes, and plenty of other feelings too.
Load More Replies... #78
That work should be something you love It just has to be tolerable. If you make work your life, you will feel hit hard by the rough stages of work, which any job has. And you'll feel bad for taking a sick day, or miss it when you should be enjoying time off
Loty 3 years ago
You spend 9-10+ hours 5 days a week at your work or commuting to work. It'd better be something you love and not merely tolerated. Loving what you do doesn't mean you live for you work.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
Sometimes you just don't have a choice and a job is a job.
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Flops 3 years ago
my parents taught me to work to live, not live to work. People might say that Australians are lazy, but I think a lot of us just have a different perspective on what "success" is. Sure, we can't always afford the things we want (not need), but my greatest pride is how happy we are (my parents, myself, and my offspring).
GPZ 3 years ago
Definitely agree there. Australians are generally a happy bunch who have a very different view of what success is and the whole work/life balance. IIRC we were the first to introduce the 8 hour work day/38-40 hour work week
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StarmanWaitingInTheSky 3 years ago
This is a distorted mindset of what the intention is here. Loving your job doesn't mean you have to make it your life. I wish I was told this, and not "Work is not supposed to be fun and enjoyable".
Metallicd3ath 3 years ago
I've had family tell me before or ask me why I don't pursue a job in gaming. Well, gaming is a hobby for me, and I know myself well enough that if I follow a job in gaming, I won't enjoy it as much.
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What do you think ?
Rahul Pawa 3 years ago
"Don't be sad/scared/angry". Telling kids how to feel or not feel does a tremendous amount of harm.
Jasper Cool 3 years ago
I think the most harmful thing my dad ever told me was that boys/men are only interested in one thing from girls/women.
Z Davis 3 years ago
Most harmful thing my dad told me is that he was finally having the son he always wanted when I was 15 a week before my 16 birthday when he told me he was having another child. Wtf am I then u Kno. The son u never wanted.
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Leah Williams 3 years ago
It's mind-boggling that being attention-seeking is such a bad thing in the first place. Everyone needs attention !? And people who self harm often just need help, so why not just give that help to them!?
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Ruben M 3 years ago
Following my wife's example, a common saying to our kids is, it's ok to be (mad, sad, angry, stressed, etc), but it's not ok to (hit, scream at, throw, etc). We're not perfect parents, but I love that my toddlers are growing up feeling comfortable to feel and share their emotions and thoughts. Total opposite example given to each of us growing up. Parents constantly fighting, screaming at each other. My dad, for a time, would go to sleep with his pistol on his night stand telling my mom, "I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you tonight or not." The cycles don't have to continue!!!
Leah Williams 3 years ago
Yes I like this, I'm glad you're breaking the pattern and Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that violence in your home, it sounds traumatic.
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Ray Arani 3 years ago
I remember being told repeatedly by my step father that I had no rights legally, that as a child, I wasn't even considered a citizen, and that he owned me. Usually in response to me trying to speak up against his abuse or threatening to tell someone. I kept silent until well into adulthood when I found out he'd been abusing my significantly younger siblings too. I'd thought he treated them better because they were his actual kids and he wanted them, which was true, but only to an extent. Abusive people are going to be abusive to anyone they have power over.
HANNA 3 years ago
That only pretty girls are molested or harressed so I don't have to worry about those sort of things. Tanks Mom...
FishiesRCute 3 years ago
My grandma told me that my kids should always by me first priority. The best thing my parents taught me: My spouse is my partner in life and my priority. Together, our top priority is our children. So many people can't grasp this concept and it leads to a lot of divorces and a lot of children that grow up with skewed views of what a healthy relationship is.
Jai Ariane 3 years ago (edited)
And kids will test any weaknesses they see in your relationship to see what they can get away with (asking the other parent when one already said "no", for example), which is normal stage of development, but if the parents have a strong relationship and communicate well they'll have a unified front the kids can't break (which benefits the whole family since the parents are looking out for the kids with their rules, etc.). This is assuming the parents do listen to their kids feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. and take them into account when together deciding rules, etc. for the kids. When I say "unified front," I'm not implying a shutout or breakdown in communication.It's also leading by example as opposed to "do what I say, not as I do".
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Jamin P, Rose 3 years ago (edited)
"My dad used a bet to discipline me and it straightened me out." Fûck that, you do not use a wooden cooking spoon to spank someone, let alone when their reaction is ten fold what you'd expect. Especially if you're a step-father and not the primary caretaker. Should I have kids at some point, most likely by addoption, I will never treat them like that, ever. Also, BP, do you dare censor my comment. (Nice try.)
Rahul Pawa 3 years ago
"Don't be sad/scared/angry". Telling kids how to feel or not feel does a tremendous amount of harm.
Jasper Cool 3 years ago
I think the most harmful thing my dad ever told me was that boys/men are only interested in one thing from girls/women.
Z Davis 3 years ago
Most harmful thing my dad told me is that he was finally having the son he always wanted when I was 15 a week before my 16 birthday when he told me he was having another child. Wtf am I then u Kno. The son u never wanted.
Load More Replies... Leah Williams 3 years ago
It's mind-boggling that being attention-seeking is such a bad thing in the first place. Everyone needs attention !? And people who self harm often just need help, so why not just give that help to them!?
Load More Replies... Ruben M 3 years ago
Following my wife's example, a common saying to our kids is, it's ok to be (mad, sad, angry, stressed, etc), but it's not ok to (hit, scream at, throw, etc). We're not perfect parents, but I love that my toddlers are growing up feeling comfortable to feel and share their emotions and thoughts. Total opposite example given to each of us growing up. Parents constantly fighting, screaming at each other. My dad, for a time, would go to sleep with his pistol on his night stand telling my mom, "I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you tonight or not." The cycles don't have to continue!!!
Leah Williams 3 years ago
Yes I like this, I'm glad you're breaking the pattern and Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that violence in your home, it sounds traumatic.
Load More Replies... Ray Arani 3 years ago
I remember being told repeatedly by my step father that I had no rights legally, that as a child, I wasn't even considered a citizen, and that he owned me. Usually in response to me trying to speak up against his abuse or threatening to tell someone. I kept silent until well into adulthood when I found out he'd been abusing my significantly younger siblings too. I'd thought he treated them better because they were his actual kids and he wanted them, which was true, but only to an extent. Abusive people are going to be abusive to anyone they have power over.
HANNA 3 years ago
That only pretty girls are molested or harressed so I don't have to worry about those sort of things. Tanks Mom...
FishiesRCute 3 years ago
My grandma told me that my kids should always by me first priority. The best thing my parents taught me: My spouse is my partner in life and my priority. Together, our top priority is our children. So many people can't grasp this concept and it leads to a lot of divorces and a lot of children that grow up with skewed views of what a healthy relationship is.
Jai Ariane 3 years ago (edited)
And kids will test any weaknesses they see in your relationship to see what they can get away with (asking the other parent when one already said "no", for example), which is normal stage of development, but if the parents have a strong relationship and communicate well they'll have a unified front the kids can't break (which benefits the whole family since the parents are looking out for the kids with their rules, etc.). This is assuming the parents do listen to their kids feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. and take them into account when together deciding rules, etc. for the kids. When I say "unified front," I'm not implying a shutout or breakdown in communication.It's also leading by example as opposed to "do what I say, not as I do".
Load More Replies... Jamin P, Rose 3 years ago (edited)
"My dad used a bet to discipline me and it straightened me out." Fûck that, you do not use a wooden cooking spoon to spank someone, let alone when their reaction is ten fold what you'd expect. Especially if you're a step-father and not the primary caretaker. Should I have kids at some point, most likely by addoption, I will never treat them like that, ever. Also, BP, do you dare censor my comment. (Nice try.)
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