Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
45 Modern Parenting “Trends” That People Just Can’t Stand, As Shared In This Online Thread
Raising tiny humans is a challenge that many parents gladly accept, even though they know that navigating the trials and tribulations of the journey can be overwhelming. After all, parenthood is always evolving. New ideas, technologies, and methods come about and demand that moms and dads adapt to the modern parenting arena and raise their little bundles of joy in the best way possible.
But while everyone wants what's best for their kids, some controversial tactics inevitably stir heated debates. So when a Redditor called ShopFastWhere reached out to 'Ask Reddit' wondering, "What parenting 'trend' you disagree with?", the answers started rolling in. In fact, the question sparked a much deeper chain of questionable and even toxic parenting behaviors that people are, quite frankly, sick and tired of seeing.
Below, we've gathered some of the most illuminating, blatantly honest, and thought-provoking arguments to share with you all. So continue scrolling, upvote the examples you agree with, and let us know what current parenting trends you don't agree with in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Can we make gender reveal parties illegal? Trust me. Nobody wants to attend your gender reveal party. Just have the baby shower and be done with it. For adding yet another event to celebrate your pregnancy is just narcissistic.
Jan Rosier 3 years ago
Should by upvotable by a lot more than 1. Also, as a Belgian, why an effing baby shower?
Tamra 3 years ago
Baby showers are traditionally held for a woman's first pregnancy. Family and friends gather for a small party, and give useful gifts for the first-time parents, like diapers, bottles, and clothes. I like this tradition, as it can be a huge help and a show of support for new parents. However, some of the newer traditions, like playing ridiculous games, etc., at the baby shower kind of makes my eye twitch. I'd rather give my gift, share some hugs and GTFO. 😊
Load More Replies...
Danielle 3 years ago
I hated it when people started doing babyshowers in the Netherlands and now some people are even adding gender reveal parties. Congratulations if you are pregnant, but why should there be three occasions around a pregnancy where I have to buy somebody gifts?
BirFromHH 3 years ago
Are Baby Showers even a thing outside of the USA? And where else ist gender reveal Seen as necessary?
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
I've never grasped the idea of "having to know" what gender the foetus is. It takes all the excitement out of having a baby.😃
Load More Replies...
hansu 3 years ago
Nobodys forcing you to go..? Let people enjoy life. Life is gloomy enough, so maybe let people celebrate what they want.
Mrs.Pugh 3 years ago
I mean yeah sure, until they create a f*****g mess in the environment and don't even try to clean it up.
Load More Replies...
Curry on... 3 years ago
How 'bout people have whatever kind of party they want, and the naysayers go do something else. What nerve--- make the whole thing illegal cause you got issues with it.
Alison Hell 3 years ago
People do a lot of odd things. This is one of them. To each their own, no need to s**t on folks for having some fun. I think sports are ridiculous..people running around chasing a ball..different strokes for different folks...which you all know very well judging by all the comments lately on BP..
Amber.exe (She/They) 3 years ago
For me gender reveal parties have gotten a bit out of hand, and I've personally been to one but it was revealed with cake. The ones that damage nature or property should be banned thoug
RELATED:
#2
Leaving American mothers with absolutely no support, no paid parental leave, no decent childcare options, poor postpartum healthcare, and then criticizing them ad nauseam for the choices they are forced to make in the hellscape that is American motherhood.
Steve Robert 3 years ago
Unfortunately so true. We have become the definition of a third world country.
Melissa Hill 3 years ago
Yeah I live in a 3rd world country we get 12 weeks paid maternity leave.
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 3 years ago
A trend that will only get worse now that abortion is unavailable in some states. Please...preach about how a woman should give birth to a child she does not want then disappear when the child arrives leaving her to deal with it on her own. Lets sink this country into more poverty and overload a foster care system that is already struggling with the kids they have. SMH
Nykky 3 years ago
Or criticizing those of us that finally said no to having children. If you give us a s****y game to play, we aren't gonna play
Poeha 3 years ago
If a govt wants ppl to get kids, better make it easy for the parents.
Load More Replies...
Katie Andrews 3 years ago
Fiftysomething woman here. ALL OF THIS is precisely why I knew even in the 70s and 80s that I never wanted kids. I knew there was no support, and the whole idea of parenthood never appealed. No regrets, sheer relief.
Llama_flower93 3 years ago
All this on top of a $10,000 medical bill. And that could be exponentially higher.
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
My only note is that this is NOT a trend. It's been like this forever. The only "trend" is that people are taking notice now and are fed up.
Gawaget The Object Thingy 3 years ago
My husband passed away I had to go to work but there is no childcare so it's hard to find a job to work other than part-time I'm insulted all the time saying I'm lazy and welfare queen I want to work but my child is Autistic I can't leave him alone like other parents do to their children at that age
Lyoness 3 years ago
Don't forget the fact that this is a country that recently made abortion illegal again in many states, forcing women to carry children to term that they may not want or be ready to care for. And then these same pro-lifers criticise women for needing welfare. Cause yeah, that makes sense.
Jaybird3939 3 years ago
And now the intense push to outlaw abortion? None of the above circumstances are changing. It's just to make women's lives more horrific, especially if they're poor.
From day one, moms and dads get bombarded with heaps of advice, usually unasked, about how to raise their children. Wait, scratch that. They get flooded with tips and how-tos even before they can welcome their little bundle of joy into their lives.
While virtually anyone has an opinion on the matter, and many seem to believe that their way is the right way, the topic remains a delicate subject. After all, there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents, and each person comes up with their own child-rearing style, tailor-made to fit the unique relationship between them and their kid.
But even if there’s no universal recipe on how to raise children, it’s easy to see that some of the trends parents choose these days are controversial at best and toxic at worst. So to gain more insight on the topic, we reached out to a lifestyle blogger and a working mom of two energetic girls, Holly Connors. After a decade of working in psychology, Holly is now the author of the acclaimed site Simplify Create Inspire where she helps families make their lives easier.
#3
I told my kids quite openly about my punk years and raving years and living in a van doing gig job years, encouraged them to do whatever they liked
and they both rebelled by doing really well at school, not taking loads of drugs (neither of them even drink!) and getting themselves sensible careers.
there's no hope for the youth of today. squares, the lot of 'em
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Next thing you know, they will be wearing sensible shoes and budgeting their money. IDK how we failed them. SMH.
BirFromHH 3 years ago
There was this TV commercial in Germany, a few years ago: A child (about first year of school) comes home from school. Her father sits in front of their mobile home (Trailer Park Style). Se tells hin about a class comerade who hast her own room, wir a real wardrobe. He answers that those are "Spießer" a term with which conservative boring people are demeaned by Punks and the like. She proceeds to tell about another comrade whose family hast a house with a garden, and their own swimming pool. Again, the father declares them "Spießer". Se tells about a third nice home of another, he again answers ""Spießer". Then she tells hin "when i am grown, I want to become a Spießer" and father looks helpless into the camera. One of my favourite commercials of all times
Ellen Crawford 3 years ago
I absolutely did this with my daughter! She is 25 now and her dad and I met in a warehouse rave early 90s, we have always been open about our lifestyles and how we met, drugs, raving etc, she is a well balanced woman, doesn't even touch alcohol
KDav 3 years ago
I've been telling my nieces and nephews that I don't care if they experiment with cannabis, but it's better for their brains if they can wait until they are in their 20s. By then, their brains will be finished cooking and they won't be damaging themselves (as much). Both nieces (14) have stated that they have no plans to EVER try cannabis, let alone alcohol or cigarettes, but thanks for the permission. It's like looking through a time portal to when I was their age. There is nothing stronger than the sanctimoniousness of youth! 🤣😂
Emma Brown 3 years ago
This photo is taken in Camden Town, London. I met the guy in the middle in June this year. He had definitely been helped out that morning.
Matthew Cook 3 years ago
This is exactly how I've approached parenting my twin teenage boys. I was a punk rocking, weed smoking, drug taking disaster. My boys are both honor students with all intentions to go to college.
#4
The parents that say “real” moms don’t have c sections. That s**t needs to stop.
Yeah, okay. 3 years ago
Two c-sections, one because of breech placement, the other because the tissue inside was very thin after the first c-section and VBAC would have cause tearing inside and internal hemorrhaging. So... I should have died for your sense of smug entitlement??
Connie Bonneville 3 years ago
SAME!!! Getting the baby out safe and healthy for baby and mom has to happen in the moment and not according to what other people think. I never 'wanted' a c section. But it turns out mine was sideways and you can't push a baby out sideways. Second time I went into labor but there were too many signs of distress. People just love to criticize. You abort, you're s**t You have the baby but have a c section, you're lazy. Judge judge judge no matter what. Then you didn't breast feed so you're lazy s**t again. People need get get in their lane and stay there.
Load More Replies...
Katrin Krueger 3 years ago
Yeah, real moms rather die than give birth through a life-saving operation. Sure.
Tamra 3 years ago
I can't believe people are this petty and stupid. Actually, I can...and that's pretty damn sad.
Sally Close 3 years ago
It sure does. Not sure why having your vagina stretched makes you more of a mother?
"Parenting is the one area of life in which no one is the expert," Holly told Bored Panda in an email. "Not even the experts have all the answers for what is right or wrong in every scenario. As a result, parents are constantly trying to figure out what works best for their own families and this can lead to strong opinions and disagreements with each other."
One common topic that keeps resurfacing in some form or another is how parents introduce and familiarize their little ones with the digital world. "For example, I know of some parents who have opted against letting their children use social media while others believe they should be allowed access at an early age. In our household, there are a lot of tech limits but some supervised access is a way to ease children into something that will be a big part of their future," Holly said.
#5
putting every single damn thing on social media
Hill Branda 3 years ago
I soooo hate this. You are not the center of the universe. We don't need to know every time you take a breath and your kids deserve to have a little privacy.
Kipper 3 years ago
Also it's dangerous..you might think that baby diaper first words blah blah might be cute but...a lot of creeps like that stuff like..more than they should, and people that post everything about their kids are a gold mine for those people.
Erica Knapp 3 years ago (edited)
This!!! 💯 My mom worked for CPS and I couldn't even wear a shirt with my name on it bc yeah predators 🤬 I almost never post about my kids or share personal info online.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 3 years ago
As a teacher, I can tell you that children value their privacy even more than adults do. We're used to the outside world. They're not.
#6
Encouraging transgendering or using alternate pronouns JUST because your child exhibits some behaviors that aren't overwhelming part of either of the gender binary.
It's fine if your daughter or son wants to engage in activities that stereotypically are engaged by the other sex. Tomboys are a thing. Experimentation is normal it's not just a sign of being trans.
Hair cuts, toys, clothes etc. Don't drop knowledge far too advanced into children's heads. Let them come to these conclusion of their own volition. Your child is not an accessory
Fred Twiglett 3 years ago
Yeah, hi, trans person here. 1: "transgendering" is not a word. "Transitioning" is the process of moving from one gender to another. 2: There is no such thing as a parent who pushes their child to transition. The notion that this is common among "libtard" parents is a right wing fantasy. 3: For conservative readers, children have just as strong a sense of themselves as you do. You knew what gender you were as a child. How come you don't accept that they do?
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
I wish I could like this comment a million times! If anything I think kids have a more genuine sense of self as it hasn't been inundated with gender stereotypes. I don't know what it feels like to be in the wrong body since I'm not trans, but that doesn't mean I can't understand that others have different feelings and have compassion for them and understand that the individual generally knows their own person than anyone else does. Folk act like transitioning is a quick and easy decision and it's so easy to convince medical professionals to help them which is crazy. If any of my kids ever feel that they're in the wrong body then we'll take their lead, let them be who they want to be and if that leads to transitioning then that's what will happen, if it doesn't that's entirely up to them too - I just want my kids to know I have their back no matter what, I love them for them, not the body they have, not their gender or identity - just them as people and that won't ever change
Load More Replies...
Jana Van Bellingen 3 years ago
My kid is 7 and nonbinary. They've been showing signs for years, and they're in therapy with a specialist who fully agrees. Young trans children exist. I myself was a tomboy and am happily cisgender, but my kid very clearly isn't a boy or a girl, and is a lot happier now they can express themself. The abuse I and my kid get for them just being themself is awful, and I'm sad to see some of these comments.
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 years ago
Your kid is lucky to have you as an awesome parent!
Load More Replies...
Cat Palmer 3 years ago
I don't see how acknowledging that there are multiple gender identities is "too advanced" for children. If a cis child can understand that they're a girl or a boy from their earliest years, why should a trans or NB child be any different?
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I am as tomboy as a girl can be. I hate dresses, make-up, long hair and fancy hairdos. I like hockey, football and rugby. I caught snakes and frogs as a kid while getting muddy and scrapped up. I can cuss like a sailor when I need to. But I am a woman plain and simple. All the things I mentioned before does not make me identify as a man. Kids know how they want to express themselves at an early age. Let them express it, don't label it and don't discourage it. Let them figure it out and they will let you know if they are a girl that just likes to be a tomboy or if they want to identify as male. Just keep the options open.
Catherine Prickett 3 years ago
1. Everyone making the "I/someone I know was a tomboy..." argument, please read this. https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-a-tomboy-and-a-transgender-male 2. Bored Panda, you should be ashamed of yourselves for including the kind of ignorant bigot who uses terms like "transgendering" and thinks kids coming out as trans or non-binary is a "trend".
Puck 3 years ago
I didn't read it like that. I think OP advises to not label children with something they don't know themselves yet. To give children time and to wait untill they are ready to share.
Load More Replies... Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
If my child comes to me and says that they feel they should've been the opposite gender then I'll have their back - I won't discourage or encourage them, I'd just follow their lead without making any permanent decisions until they're old enough and mature enough to make a lifelong decision. With therapy along the way of course. If they grow out if it and decide they're actually the right gender but like the stereotypically opposite genders activities then what harm has been done? They know they've got parents who have their back and love them unconditionally. If they decide that they do want to go through with life altering surgery etc then they know they have parents who have their back and love them unconditionally. It's not my place to live my child's life for them, just to guide and protect them and let them grow into who they're meant to be. Parents can be supportive without being in control of the narrative
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
Wow. Just... wow. I know of NO parents who are encouraging this. Accepting this? Sure. Trying to understand this in order to understand their child? I hope so. But encouraging? What freaking planet is this idiot from?
Arizona Cowboy 3 years ago
Sadly, some folks I've encountered over the years do treat their kids as fashion accessories or force their ideals upon them. No, it's absolutely not right, but unfortunately it does happen.
Load More Replies...
crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
Don't decide for your child of they are trans, but make sure that they know it's an option. This post was clearly made by someone who is uncomfortable around trans folks and that's b******t. If your child is trans, let them be trans. I am trans.
The Doom Song 3 years ago
Yep. I was a tomboy as a child, I preferred to be playing sport than playing with dolls or other "girly" things. My parents loved that I'd prefer to play soccer with the dog and still do!
#7
Parents who won't use "no" with their kids.
Susan Bosse 3 years ago
Choosing to not discipline your children is a form of abuse and is doing the kids such a MONUMENTAL disservice. I giggle any time I see these kids giving the parents a horrid title because, honey, you created this.
iseefractals 3 years ago
You've found another one, labeling everything as "abuse" It's not abusive, it's just plain old bad parenting, that all but ensures their precious little angle will grow up to be an insufferable doucheswaddle that's incapable of being self sufficient because they believe they're entitled to everything at all times.
Load More Replies...
Nykky 3 years ago
When people say not to use no with your kid, they aren't saying never to do that. When they're going to hurt themselves, depends on how hard (such as not running in the backyard because of uneven turf and they could trip and scrape their knee, let them learn that). When they're going to hurt someone else, hard stop. When they're going to bug and bother others, big fat no. It's picking your battles, not being a doormat.
Jason 3 years ago
Very well said. I have "hard no" and "soft no". It keeps my son from constantly being punished and let's him get a little bit of his rebellious side out. Then when it comes to the absolutely not, he knows daddy isn't messing around and almost always listens
Load More Replies...
Headless Roach 3 years ago
"No, I will be happy to eat the next bucket of ice cream with you."
Debby Keir 3 years ago
If you can't learn to say NO when necessary, then a) your child is at slight risk of dying (sticking fingers in sockets/grabbing flaming coals) but more importantly b) not learning about informed consent.
Caley Hook 3 years ago
Yep. They turn into entitselfish greedy monsters. Look at Trump. His Mother never said no.
When it comes to the reasons parents adopt controversial methods to raise their kids, Holly explained some of them may be simply "repeating the cycle from their own upbringing without questioning its effect."
"Others may be trying to micromanage their child's life in order to protect them from making mistakes or experiencing failure similar to their own childhoods, even if that means overly controlling their environment," the creator of Simplify Create Inspire added.
Turns out, people may turn into controlling parents because they simply want what’s best for their kids — in their own minds. "This is usually done in an attempt to protect their children from a place of love, but often it can cause more harm than good as the child attempts to gain their own independence.
#8
Parents trying to create golden child by enrolling it in thousands of extra activities, something musical, tutoring on STEM subjects from first year of school, some sports activity, etc. To the point where child is basically on doubleshift with school and all extra activities with extremely tight schedule.
Kids are missing out on becoming independent from young age like riding bike around or using public transportation because helicopter mommy drives them from activity to activity all day to met tight schedule, they are robbed out of their childhood and usually create only shallow relationships with people they met during activities but don't have time to expand on them.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
On the other hand, if your child expresses a passion at an early age, encourage it. No...I don't mean foster little Susie's dream of being a Unicorn when she grows up. But if your kid wants to be a dancer, a chef, a firefighter....find what they will need to make that happen and encourage them.
Max 3 years ago
I dunno, you might get some useful stuff out of the unicorn dream. Perhaps costume-making skills, a passion for folklore or creative writing, knowledge about horses and other livestock animals. You can definitely make those into a career.
Load More Replies...
Stosh S 3 years ago
This, I work at a public library as a children's librarian. The number of kids I see being dragged to EVERY program (including the ones they are too young and TOO OLD for is astounding) your kid doesn't need to be in everything at all times. I watch moms hover over their under 5's playing on our iPads TELLING THEM THEY ARE PLAYING WRONG. some of them grab the child's hand and do it for them. I wish I was making this up because it's so sad.
HolyDiver 3 years ago
I try to let my son, the last one still at home, have the childhood I did, without the trauma and drama, at his age. I grew up in the 70's and 80's and rode my bike everywhere. He checks in when he changes locations and is very responsible about letting me know what general area he will be in so 'I know where to look for the body' He's a good kid and needs to be able to survive on his own.
Lara Verne 3 years ago
Apparently, there's some new methor od raising children to become" highly successful individuals" called kameveda. As far as i know- it basically means training from from young age to become successful in future- training depends on what parents want to raise. So if they want athlete, kid has to do sport activities, etc. It seems pretty toxic to me, because no one cares what kid actually want.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
Since the pandemic my kids haven't had any after school or weekend activities and they're happier for it - if they want to go to something then we'll make it happen but as yet they're not interested and like chilling at home and playing with their friends locally
Jessica Wood 3 years ago
My parents weren't that strict but even I'm surprised at the amount of activities I ended up doing as a kid.
#9
I work as a waitress and I notice some parents allowing their children to do whatever they like in a public place and then not cleaning up after them or apologising… no, it’s not my job to clean your child’s mess, it’s yours - you don’t come to a cafe just so you don’t have to clean up. I am talking food all over the floor, opening up sugar packets and throwing them everywhere, taking clean cutlery setup for patrons who need to use it and throwing it everywhere and leaving it like that… no. Just no.
Liv 3 years ago
They should be penalised somehow... One thing is one accident, other is not caring if the kid burns the place to the ground (as long as you have your coffee and don't have to clean afterwards). The client shouldn't be king and we the servants.
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
Put up a notice saying that the parents have to pay extra if their kid goes rampant?
Load More Replies... Tamra 3 years ago
I've seen this so many times in restaurants. Blows my mind that some parents let their kids run around wild this way. It's YOUR JOB as a parent to teach proper behavior. I get it that you want to eat a meal out, but so does everyone else. Teach your child proper social skills.
Queeny123 3 years ago
This is so true, I worked in a coffee shop and the number of the times a parent allow the kid to run riot, we had a section of childrens books and toys and I would always encourage the kids to read a book. In the end we ended up rewarding well behaved kids with a treat (with the parents premission) saying very loudly "for behaving so well". Once there were a group of mums in with their kids, two kids were a nightmare the rest was fantastic. I made a point of rewarding the rest of the kids in fron to the two misbehaving ones and parents
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
I saw this poor waiter having to clean up a table next to us where it look like a food bomb had exploded. We always stack our dishes making sure all the leftover food is on the top plate and the cutlery is stacked on top. We also use clean napkins to wipe the table down. They work their butts off to make sure we have a good dining experience. The least we can do is help them out a little by being good guests.
Ralph Watkins 3 years ago
I was on a bus trip into NYC when two women had their lil monsters running up & down the aisle. Traffic was heavy & the road uneven. The kids kept falling into people. Some people kicked the kids away from them. The moms gave them the evil eye. At one point the bus got cut off in traffic & the driver had to slam on the brakes hard. Now the moms were yelling at the bus driver for doing that on purpose. I think the rest of us were hoping the driver would stop & kick the women & their evil spawn out along the highway in NJ. Thankfully they missed the return leg out of the city. How dare the bus leave on time without them.
KittyGotClaws 3 years ago
Urrrgggh. There should be some easy way to catch it on a video, send it to them along with a bill for cleanup.
Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
Worse is when it's in places that are simply inappropriate. Some people say 'hey I have kids and I have the right to bring them wherever I want,' but it's a matter of courtesy to other people. Yes you can bring them to a dramatic movie, but when they get bored and start talking and getting restless and bothering everyone in the theater, now you're not just disturbing me but causing me to lose MONEY. I paid to see the movie that I now can't watch. I saved up to go to a fancier romantic restaurant and you have your goblin there screaming and throwing spaghetti around while some poor guy is trying to propose to his gf at the other table. And it's never some parent who feels bad about it; they just sit there on their phones ignoring it and letting it be everyone's problem. I love kids and I don't blame them for acting...like kids. If a kid is kicking my seat on a plane, I don't blame the kid and kids need to fly, too. I blame the parents for not having a little courtesy for other people and having the sense to at least try and stop them or look a little sorry for their behavior.
Connie Bonneville 3 years ago
Sounds like the Sunday After Church crowd that tips you $2 on $100.
#10
Stop comparing your kid with other kids when you are disappointed at them for not achieving *your* expectations
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Don't compare them or shame them. Do some research to find out why they are struggling. I had one friend who thought her kid was lazy because the child skipped school and had failing grades. Turned out she had undiagnosed dyslexia. Another kid started getting bad grades out of the blue. At first we thought he was getting bullied until his grandmother notices him squinting at the TV. Turned out he just needed glasses.
Libby King 3 years ago
So, a parent assumed her kid was lazy instead of looking into failing grades? And kids are supposed to get eye exams (general ones) at yearly check - ups.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 3 years ago
And don't compare them to other children when you are pleased with them, either. The only valid comparison is one between what they are and what they're trying to be. It's the parents' job to influence both parts.
Lurking Panda 3 years ago
Is that a new trend though? I remember my father asking what the rest of the class got, rather than acknowledging my effort, whenever I brought home good grades...
phoenix_rising 3 years ago
Especially comparing them with siblings. It doesn't help, it just gives siblings more reasons to fight and disagree
Paula Pattison 3 years ago
When my kid came home with a failing grade in Spanish, I asked him what the rest of the class got (I was trying to see if it was the teacher's fault because he was awful) my son , who was completely unmoved by the grade, said "You told me I shouldn't compare myself to others". Sometimes even good parenting comes back to bite you
Raccoon panda 3 years ago
Not every kid is a genius, and not every genius has the support they need to thrive. Every kid deserves to thrive more than they are obligated to any s****y expectations.
Nicola Koh 3 years ago
i got compared to my brother, every single cousin, and friends my parents liked and it was always to the tune of "why can't you be like X who' excells at the thing im criticising you for". Never said it out loud but from a young age i knew the only way to compete was to become the super skrull of children
"In addition, there are those who think that their parenting style is the only 'right' way to do things and will go to great lengths to defend it. This can be more damaging as it creates tension between family members, in school settings and especially on social media."
However, Holly assured us that there is definitely no single "right" to raise a child. "From cultural differences to the special needs of an individual child, every parent's journey is unique and no two are the same. There may be general principles that parents can follow, but they will still need to be adapted to each individual family's dynamics."
#11
Parents who are way too involved in their adult children’s lives. Your kid is 23, you don’t need to call his boss to talk about anything unless your kid is dead.
Headless Roach 3 years ago
However else can I ask the boss to give my baby 30mins longer lunch break today, because I will be bringing him a home cooked meal?
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
Someone I used to work with used to use the office phone to make various personal calls throughout the day. Every day she’d phone her adult sons at least once to make sure they’d got out of bed to go to college/work. They were 18 and 20. They’d usually have a second phone call later so she could instruct them where the sandwich/whatever else she’d made for them was left. Then would be the phone calls to the husband about what to have for dinner or whether he’d eaten his lunch. Occasionally she’d be on the phone making appointments for her adult sons e.g. to go to the doctor. The saddest thing is that she’d obviously engineered her family to “need” her like this and I know plenty of others who have kids in order to try and keep them as dependent babies instead of raising them to grow up.
Catte West 3 years ago
Stay out of your child's marriage!! It will tear them apart. You will be blamed.
Reinaldo Fuentes 3 years ago
As a solid Gen-Xer who shares the same parent generation with Millenials, hearing this from my younger sibling generation is so strange, given that the elder half of the Boom basically threw us to the woods to fend for ourselves. I know it's true, but still, so strange to be on the very far OTHER end of the pendulum swing.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I blame the adult kids for this. I work for a bank and you would not believe how many grown adults still have their mom and dad's call for them, or they don't know their own social security numbers and have to ask mommy. I was a manager of a retail shop for a few years and this woman (32 yrs old) would have her mom call if she was calling out sick. I had to constantly tell her I needed to speak to Amber (the girl). Her mom still made her doctor's appointments. I mean, I'm sure the parents hold some culpability for that kind of thing but in the end I blame that on the kids. Cut the damn umbilical cord and grow up.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
I find this so hilarious. I mean, who tries to interfere with their adult children's professional life? I know some do, and it destroys any chance of getting a good job. However, if the "child" at that point cannot tell his mother to "disappear," then the person doesn't deserve that job anyway.
Hill Branda 3 years ago
Yeah, this is just creepy. If you're 22 and working and still have Mom and Dad involved in all aspects of your life....that's a significant problem.
Evelien Stijger Martens 2 years ago
I know a woman that expects her son to put on his gps permanently, so she can follow where he is at, all the time, thats creepy
#12
Disregarding your kids personal physical boundaries for the sake of being ‘polite’. This goes for both parents and any other adult around children. Sorry, if my kid doesn’t want to give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek (or even a high-five for that matter) it ain’t gonna happen. Doesn’t matter who you are to them.
It should never be expected or pushed on a child, period.
Bla Blubb 3 years ago
I only "force" my kids to wave goodbye. As when we leave the gramps, they have to at least wave goodbye. They don't have to hug, kiss, or even say anything. But a wave from a distant as the smallest form of good behavior is needed. I let them decide how they want to do it. If they WANT to hug or kiss a relative or a good friend of us, that's ok! If not, saying bye or waving it is! Works for us and is a good training for the future i think. In my opinion it is good to have nice manners. Saying hello and goodbye is part of it and will be needed their whole life.
Max 3 years ago
Dear relatives: have you considered not smelling of BO and cigarette smoke. Love, five year old Max.
Pollymere 3 years ago
I found an old T-Shirt belonging to mine which reads "Hugs available on request". It was meant to be cutesy but it was so controversial and offended so many people. I firmly believe that kids should choose who they get to hug or have hug them. As well as sensory issues, you could also be pushing a kid into the arms of an abuser.
Cheeky chicken 3 years ago
Amen to this, any chance you can say this louder for my in laws?? My youngest told me recently that my S in L was a liar, she told him she had a secret to tell them, and then when they got close enough S in L planted a kiss on their cheek. She knows my youngest doesn't like being kissed or cuddled by anyone who isn't me or their dad and so she decided to "play a joke" on them just to get a kiss. I'm not sure what she could have possibly got out of doing this, the affection wasn't returned, the kiss was very clearly wiped off and my youngest now considers her untrustworthy
#13
Never saying sorry to your children. Not really a trend though because this has basically always been like this
Lama 3 years ago
I remember once having a big fight with my mom (we used to almost never fight) when I was around 12/13. I hid under my desk in my room, and just a few minutes later my mom 1. Knocked on my door, 2. Asked if she could come in, 3. Apologized for taking her bad mood out on me and 4. Asked if I was okay and wanted to come downstairs to try again. I don't even remember her saying anything particularly bad in that fight, but I will always remember her being human that day. Flawed, but fair and caring. It was the best lesson I could learn at that age. Still miss you mom <3
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
Your mum sounds very caring and like a great parent. Sorry that she has passed away :-(
Load More Replies...
keighterz 3 years ago
I try to always apologize to my children and admit when I did something wrong or reacted poorly. They need to know that it is ok to make mistakes but that we need to own our mistakes or our actions. Parents are not all powerful beings, we are humans with flaws and our kids should see that.
Jason 3 years ago
I apologize to my son a lot if I make mistakes as well. How can you expect them to do something you don't. It's lead to my son coming to me with apologies unprompted. Though he does ask me to apologize sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants lol
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
My father very rarely apologized to me and my mother never apologized. If you called her out for being wrong, you would get yelled at and sometimes hit for calling her on the carpet. We learned not to question her...just nod and do what we knew was right.
a_smol_berry 3 years ago
My mom only spanked and threw stuff and she played softball for the longest time so she could throw hard. I understand where you’re coming from and not at the same time. I hope you’re in a better place now.
Load More Replies... a_smol_berry 3 years ago
My mom grew up with my grandma and my grandma wasn’t the best. And my grandma never apologized and now my mom doesn’t either. She’ll scream at us, tell us we ruined her life and say she’s gonna kill us (me and my three younger brothers). Never once has she apologized, well there was one time but that was because she threw something at me full force and it left a nasty bruise- the whole apology was guilting me. I understand my mom has mental issues that weren’t treated until later in life but it’s effected me and my brothers.
Nykky 3 years ago
Yep. What's worse is when they try to turn everything around on you. My father is like this. He's never apologized to anyone and then acts insulted when people snap at him. F**k, I asked him before to not suddenly scare me anymore because he just doesn't know when I might have a migraine (didn't get upset or anything, I was in too much pain for it), and he tries making it out like I'm being sensitive. It's so infuriating.
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
I work with so many estranged parents. And I'm like this could all be fixed if you could actually listen to what your child was saying. Understand it from their point of view. And sincerely apologize for what you did. But no. The parent is like "He said I was never there for him and I was." I'm like, you didn't have custody, didn't see him every weekend, raised a whole bunch of other kids who weren't yours, and just congratulated him on his new child by saying "Great, just what I need, another grandkid" when he's your ONLY biological child. Sigh. So sad.
Lady Lava 3 years ago (edited)
My mom was usually a nice woman, but she had kind of a temper and could say really harsh things when she was angry. While I knew not everything was serious and that she loved me anyway, I really would have appreciated a "sorry" for what she threw at me. Just like she expected me to apologize when I had been behaving badly. So I had to, but she rarely said sorry. I'm a bit like my mother and I will also nag at my child sometimes when I'm in such a mood. However, I always apologize to her afterwards and tell her which things I feel bad about and shouldn't have said or done. Since she's old enough to really understand, she even copies my behavior. When she yells at me when she's mad, she usually apologizes for it too, as soon her bad mood is over. I never forced her in any way to do so, it's her own decision. And I really appreciate it.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
My mother only acknowledges some things and apologises when she's drunk - rest of the time she never broaches the subject- and I've learned the hard way to accept it for what it is. But as a result I will apologise to my own children if I mess up, make a mistake or am just in a s****y mood usually before anything even happens - if I'm in a c**p mood I usually warn the kids with "sorry, mummy is in a bad mood, I need a wee bit of space" - I'm human, they're human - and they've followed by telling me they're in a mood and just need some space or a hug etc. makes life much simpler
Evelien Stijger Martens 2 years ago
Ots a terrible thing, parrents behabing like their flawless and do not have to say their sorey for thei wrongs, but children do. What kind of wessage are uou fiving to your children?
"At the end of the day, we can assume that all parents want what is best for their children, even if their method and approach might not always be the most popular or agreed upon. We are individuals with unique views and experiences, so it is important to keep an open mind when discussing different parenting approaches."
#14
Blaming teachers for kid's problems. Are there some bad teachers? Of course. But blaming the teacher/school when you yourself won't discipline them is refusing to take responsibility for your parenting choices.
JB 3 years ago
I once had a parent come in for a meeting with myself, the principal, and the learning specialist. She asked us what we were doing to teach her child to be accountable and take responsibility. In our conversation we learned that at home, she used "natural consequences" (spelled n-e-g-l-e-c-t) to teach them about things like if you don't make food, you go hungry (student was 11 btw). So she took no responsibility herself for her child, but demanded we do it for her. It was gross. For parents who use "natural consequences": the problem with it is that there is no teaching beforehand, no prior knowledge for the child to build from. Instead, the child just fails repeatedly without knowing why or how to avoid it (because they are a CHILD) so the lesson they learn is don't try. It's learned helplessness and it causes all kinds of unnecessary hardship.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
And especially consider how your child's behavior impacts other kids at school. It's not just your kid there to learn...it's a few hundred other kids that are getting cheated out of an education because you can't be bothered to take care of your kid.
More! 3 years ago
I do not do this, but my children do. It’s always someone else’s fault with them and I promise you I did not raise them to not take responsibility. It might not even matter what you teach your children, these days they learn their ways from the internet and streaming tv and at school and everywhere but home..
#15
Publicly shaming their kids. Often for not doing something they'd never expect another adult to do.
Samara Messer 3 years ago
Yes, they kids. They are still navigating the world and will make mistakes. Stop putting adult expectations on them.
Nicola Koh 3 years ago
i often think the "shame" has more to do with the parents insecurities than the children's actions
Libby King 3 years ago
Sadly this exists in schools in the form of clip charts, etc. No one likes being publicaly shamed, and that stuff will stick with you.
Cat Palmer 3 years ago
Not a modern trend, just one with a wider audience now thanks to social media.
#16
Using the line "let the kids express themselves" when the kids are running around screaming and tearing things up. I'm not saying you have to hit your kids to get them to behave but do something. Stop them yell at them do what you have to do just try to do something to discipline your kids.
phoenix_rising 3 years ago
True, but you have to find a balance. You can't not discipline your kids, but you can't over-discipline them either.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
A few things to add to this...don't use chores as a punishment. They will relate chores with something that is bad and not want to do them later in life when they have to take care of themselves (my mother did that to us.) You could treat chores as a job with rewards. Clean your room =1 hour of TV. Take out the garbage = 30 minutes of computer time. Do the dishes = stay up an hour late. These are rewards for work they can carry into adulthood.
Kel_how 3 years ago
And not bringing something for the kid to do! If you want a family dinner out or are having coffee with a friend, bring a toy or activity for the kid. It can be a coloring / activity book, blocks, dolls, a book, something. Kids need to learn to entertain themselves and be respectful in public.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
Kids on a public rampage are not expressing themselves. They are expressing their lack of parenting.
Warrior Mama 3 years ago
Exactly. Learning to manage oneself and also learning to be considerate of other people are good social skills. I understand that some people are very active and impulsive by nature, but kids still need to learn boundaries. Letting rude and destructive behavior go unchecked is not ok. You don't need to be mean about it, just be the grownup who knows better and helps redirect them to more appropriate choices
Lara Verne 3 years ago
Ugh, One of my neighbours do this. Madam, your child is not expressing himself. He just hit my cat!
Headless Roach 3 years ago
Perhaps help them find other ways to vent and use excess energy rather than yell.
Bree Piper 2 years ago
News flash: your kid can express themselves without the running and yelling. Part of growing up and becoming socialized is learning what behavior is appropriate in what setting. Letting them run and scream is only teaching them to be self-absorbed jerks.
Among the new questionable trends that emerge in parenting, one usually stands right at the top of the list — parents who become over-involved and hover over every aspect of their child's life. Even though it seems this helps protect the child from hurt, danger, and failure, in fact, it's taking away the opportunity to learn.
According to Holly, kids of all ages benefit from learning how to make decisions for themselves. "Parents can help create an environment where this is possible by encouraging kids to think about their choices and helping them weigh out the pros and cons of each one," she advised.
"When children are given no control over their environment, there is no opportunity to learn from their mistakes in order to build up resilience or problem-solve. This can make it much harder for the child to adapt to the real world when they are older."
#17
Not just a parenting trick, but the whole "breaking someone down to make them stronger!" thing... That's just f*****g abuse and will 99, 9% of the time NOT WORK and only make people hate you.
waddles 3 years ago
putting pressure on coal gives you a diamond do that to a kid and you’ll get therapy bills
Thomas Bentley 3 years ago
no you will get a squished up mess, if literally, if metaphorically and too much then you will get a same result, what you need is just right, with pressure through explanation of what will happen if you do not do something.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 3 years ago
Yet if his boss tried the same approach at work, that parent would be looking around for another job.
Mara Is… Trying 3 years ago
my dad always said he was getting me ready for middle school, luckily now that i’m going into high school he has stopped a bit
Pieter LeGrande 3 years ago
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. This has been disproved so often, in so many situations that it amazes me anyone still says it.
Ches Yamada 3 years ago
Oh geez. I was always told my family was "toughening me up" when I complained about the mental abuse. How tough did they think they needed to make a child? It made me weaker in many aspects, the ones I needed to function as an adult.
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
I'm so sorry. That's gross. The world is tough enough. Family is supposed to be the soft safe space.
Load More Replies... Mulberry Juice 3 years ago
There’s a Russian saying that sums this up, something like “the boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg”
Keley Babs 3 years ago
"But that's how I was taught".... BRILLIANT logic, right? This is how I felt during surgical training
Matthew Cook 3 years ago (edited)
Sadly, I was that kid. Years of drug and alcohol abuse to self medicate later, I'm in need of therapy and just learning how to cope and administer self-care.
#18
Destroying their children’s electronics as a punishment.
Momma Panda 3 years ago
Taking away is punishment enough. Why destroy stuff that I paid for? Who tf does this?
Jason 3 years ago
Jokes on them my son takes care of destroying his electronics on his own
Load More Replies...
Gareth Vaughan 3 years ago
If it's the man I'm thinking of, it wasn't even his daughter's laptop. It was one she'd brought home from her school. (Although I don't know whether she had permission to borrow it or not.)
Load More Replies... Hill Branda 3 years ago
Destroying anything of a child's is pretty disturbing. You take it away as punishment and give it back as a reward, but to destroy something is pretty twisted and indicates that parent is pretty hateful and has real anger control issues.
Debby Keir 3 years ago
Maybe it's the miser in me, but I cannot ever bring myself to 'destroy' anything on purpose. If I want to smash a plate because I'm so angry, a little voice pops into my head " hmm, you know you'll have trouble getting an exact match for that" or "well that's going to take a lot of money to replace"
#19
tiktok mommy bloggers.
theres a huge spike of mommy bloggers on tiktok especially who are posting vids of their babies in the bath, in swimsuits, or in their diapers and when people comment like 'uhhhh maybe you should take this down, theres pedophiles online' the moms blow up and accuse everyone of being a pervert by 'sexualizing her baby'. But the moms are yelling at the concerned people! Not the pedophiles! I cant remember the account name but the situation was f*****g horrifying. For some context for non-tiktok users, the amount of shares/saves/bookmarks on posts is public. Also, if youre popular enough, tiktok pays you per view/interaction/save, so a lot of content creators get money from tiktok. On this mommy blog, the vids of her daughter in her swimsuit or in the bath had about 5x as many saves/bookmarks. At first when people pointed this out, mom ignored it. Then she called anyone who mentioned it a pervert. Then she said she cant stop pedophiles from coming to her account so she cant do anything about it. Then people were like 'wait, you agree that pedophiles are watching this?? and you keep making videos?? arent you basically making cp at this point??' and then it was just a whole s**t show from there. Shes still up and running.
i feel like this shouldnt be a controversial take, but if you're profiting off of pedophiles watching your baby in the bath, you learn that thats whats happening, and you continue to make videos of your baby in the bath to make money from pedophiles, congrats-- you have become a child porn peddler.
The Doom Song 3 years ago
That mother should have her child taken from her. Absolutely disgusting.
Purplescales 3 years ago
This should be/ is a crime, prostituting your underage child, claiming it as unavoidable, just wait til something really bad happens, it will never be her fault. She’d likely blame the victimized child.
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
Good heavens, no! You should not earn money on displaying your kids like that!!!
Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
Child exploitation in the digital age. It is f*****g obscene what some parents are capable of.
Debby Keir 3 years ago
And the pictures are forever out there and peddled forever, but now that kid is adult and has to 'live with it'.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
I have videos/pics of my babies in baths but they're not for the public to eyeball.
Unfortunately, high-control parenting can lead to dire consequences like low-self esteem, "as it communicates the idea that the parent does not trust them or believe they can make the right choices," Holly said. "It is much better for a child's development if the parent gives them some autonomy and allows them to explore their options, so long as they remain safe."
Holly argues that the best way to encourage independence in kids is by "setting boundaries, providing structure, and allowing them the room to explore and make decisions on their own. This helps build up their confidence while also giving them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes."
#20
Shoving tablets in their face instead of doing things with them
The Doom Song 3 years ago
This.... as an ex hospitality worker it made me sad how many parents did this
Karin Kramer-ten Velde 3 years ago
This is actually missing some nuance. Yes its wrong to have a tablet as the only solution to everything but it can also help the kids to wind down or calm down. So long as you balance things and also go out for fun activities and spend quality time together, its perfectly okay to use a tablet sometimes and might even be beneficial to your child and you as a parent.
v 3 years ago
OP statement has all the nuance necessary for the target audience of the statement.
Load More Replies... Kel_how 3 years ago
I absolutely hate this. As a teacher, we're required to have the students work on their Chromebooks a certain amount of time per week. There are so many behavior problems associated with this, like kids taking pictures during class, inappropriate music / videos, pornography, instant messaging, etc. And I know that when they go home, they'll just pick up another device and spend hours on it, unmonitored.
Emma Kilcup 3 years ago
Have you heard of CKAuthenicator and/or LockDown Browser? These both block games and inappropriate websites, my district uses them for our Chromebooks.
Load More Replies...
phoenix_rising 3 years ago
Back in elementary school during parent pick-up I saw a toddler with a phone. idk if it was their mom's phone, but young kids shouldn't be around lots of devices, let alone own them
Load More Replies... Debby Keir 3 years ago
To me, a tablet is either medication or a scrumptious Scottish type of fudge. And long may it remain so.
Erica Knapp 3 years ago
Lol if only! I typically let my little bring his tablet with us when we go out to dinner. BUT we play it with him while waiting and it's not allowed once food arrives. Sometimes he doesn't want it and instead we play tic tac toe on the kids menu with the supplied crayons.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
Better yet, getting out of the house and taking them for a bike ride, walk or just to kick a ball around. Spend some quality time with them.
Lou Cam 3 years ago (edited)
My kids get tablets given to them at school. More than 50% of the schoolwork and homework is now on the tablet. Preparing them for the world of work I suppose, I've not hand written anything other than a greetings card in over a decade. I appreciate some parents will use as a babysitter but many wouldn't do this for a long period as the kid would get bored. Maybe we only see then at a restaurant trying to keep their kid calm (especially if neurodivergent) and if they have headphones this is not a problem but people around them think this is an all day thing. As long as there is balance and the kids experience activities, exercise and human interaction in a day then I'm not so sure tablets deserve the "evil" tag.
Nicola Koh 3 years ago
in principle i agree a lot of kids are exposed to way too much screentime (hell so are a lot of adults). In practice however there are a lot of parents who can't afford to spend as much time with their kids as they want bc they're both working 8-10 hour days, or are single parents, etc. It isn't ideal for kids to be "babysat" bt technology, but poverty isn't ideal either
#21
Shaming your kids on social media. Like, making them hold a sign that states what they did and putting a picture of it on the internet. And we wonder why the world is full of bullies...
Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
Because now they have to pay copyright fees on photos they use, so use free stockpile ones that are often totally irrelevant
Load More Replies...
Alicia M 3 years ago
Another "trend" I hate is parents filming their children's bad behavior, many of these kids in full panic mode, and putting it online for others to watch. Your child is having a meltdown. Help them. Don't exploit the situation for "likes." That is horrible. Why would anyone do that?
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
I agree SO much with this. Parents using their children for political or "cause" purposes is just so wrong. The child isn't a p**n in a chess game. They're a CHILD!! If you want to march or protest, or whatever, go ahead and do it, but leave your child out of it!
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Since when does the word p.a.w.n become censored? LOL!
Load More Replies... 
TheElderNom 3 years ago
A coworker would upload so many embarrassing, cringy and simply horrible pictures of her children on fb. One was of her son crying his eyes out after gotten serious burns on his hand. I don't know if she uploaded the picture before she sought medical care (yes it was that bad), but she took the picture before seeking care or applying anything herself. She doesn't understand why her children have banned her from uploading pictures of them.
#22
Having worked in early childhood education, there are a lot of parents who focus on academics rather than social emotional skills, self care, and social skills. "Mrs. Parent, that is absolutely wonderful that 4 year old Raighdyn can read at a second grade level and does 25 worksheets every night, but can we discuss the fact that he has panic attacks, sensory issues, hits his class mates and doesn't know how to wipe himself? No? Oh, ok, you'll give him a worksheet to learn about it. Great..." Seriously, parents need to tell their preschool and kindergarten teachers that play based learning is the most appropriate learning style for EVERY CHILD at that age. It doesn't matter if they are advanced and can do the desk work, they still need to build so many other non-academic skills that will bolster their ability to "student" effectively in the future. I recently resigned from my much loved position in a preschool because the administration was trying to go against the state standards and have us start teaching preschoolers how to read. They moved a more senior teacher out of her room against her will and inserted a more malleable, newer teacher in because she was willing to do what they wanted, and guess what happened? Her class was a NIGHTMARE. Now that class is in Kindergarten and they are having so many behavior issues that they can't even teach. DOWN WITH WORKSHEETS! Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Kel_how 3 years ago
Oh God yes! In my district, we're supposed to teach Social Emotional lessons twice a week. After trying a few times, I told our school counselor that many of these kids need one-on-one therapy because their issues go beyond a 20 minute talk about cooperation or respect. Multiple kids are being raised by grandparents or other family members as a result of drugs, alcohol, abuse, or prison. Most are living in poverty and live in dangerous neighborhoods. And some of our ESL population are undocumented and fear deportation. There's no way my Masters in Teaching prepared me to be a social worker and psychotherapist.
Natalie Bohrteller 3 years ago (edited)
I totally feel you. We really need more social workers and therapists at schools. Edit: and they need to be paid a lot better.
Load More Replies... Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 years ago
Pronounced: Joey. Or Ryan. ... Sorry, had to be silly
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
This is happening at my son's school. Granted I send him to a very academic school. But he has ADHD and mild autism. His main goals in life right now are learning emotional regulation, having a calm body, social skills, and impulse control. The teacher asked me to do math worksheets with him when he gets home. He's 4! I told her no. He needs to play. He could be the worlds greatest mathematician but if he can't emotionally regulate, delay gratification, work with others, or control his impulses he's screwed. But if he develops those skills there are a lot of great things he can do. I'm like no. His job is to play right now. I don't care if he gets a C or fails preschool (my goodness preschool has grades now) I want him to have a childhood. I am honestly shocked how many other parents are putting this kind of pressure on their kids.
JaimeeJames WD 3 years ago
Mild autism is a bit of a misnomer - it usually just means a person’s presentation of autism is less obvious. Also please reconsider what ‘his’ goals are. Any four year old has trouble with emotional regulation, calmness and impulsivity - add sensory challenges to that and it seems a bit unreasonable. I understand though that it’s a short post here and I don’t know you or your child so you may have things well in hand. Offering some thoughts as an autistic parent of two autistic kids (now young adults) for you to take or leave . :)
Load More Replies... Debby Keir 3 years ago
I understand lack of toilet training is an issue these days - but it's basically caused by these sooperdooper nappies that are 'comfortable even when wet'. In the old days, a stack of pongy nappies to wash was a spur to get the kid toilet trained as soon as possible. The kid didn't like being in a wet/dirty nappy either. Now with 'disposables' (that clog the sewers and landfill) there is no impetus for the parent except bragging rights.
Lara M 3 years ago
Yup, and the diaper industry pushes the potty-training age higher and higher, too. More profit for them, after all
Load More Replies... Nykky 3 years ago
Oh you mean teachers and parents are supposed to teach children how to grow and adapt with each other? Well, my state and my parents missed that mark by about 2000 miles with me
Stosh S 3 years ago
They are. You're an adult now, go to therapy. Just because your adults were s****y doesn't mean you need to be a s****y adult.
Load More Replies...At the end of the day, parents today face challenges that require them to keep up with the times and the increased demands of their roles. Holly argues that this whole journey is an ongoing process of learning and adapting to each individual child's needs. "Parents should strive for a balance between loving guidance and allowing their children to make mistakes and grow from them. This will give kids the best chance at becoming independent adults with the skills they need to succeed in life."
"We should also be mindful of our own biases and experiences, as these can influence how we parent and how we react to other parenting methods," Holly continued. "It is important to be open-minded and consider different perspectives before making decisions about how to raise our children."
"If we don't agree with something and it isn't causing any actual harm, just walk away," she concluded.
#23
'Everyone's a winner'. Nope. Just nope.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
James Harrison (Pittsburgh Steeler) made his kids return the participation trophies they received. He said that giving everyone a trophies detracts from the kids that worked hard to win. It also doesn't teach kids how to deal with failure or defeat. He believed kids brought up in this "everyone's a winner" culture wouldn't be able to cope with the reality of professional sports. I think he's right.
Stosh S 3 years ago
Jokes on you because all professional sports players are still winners, they are literally the top of the top of athletes. It's a bummer when they Steelers loose but they still go home to their islands, mansions, boats and personal chefs. Also just because you lost doesn't mean the other team worked "harder" than you. Again in professional sports there is no outright best team. Sometimes the first seed loses to the last. It wouldn't be fun otherwise. No one wants to watch the same team win everything forever.
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 3 years ago
Participation trophies - UGH. Someone lost, that is literally the game.
Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
Failure is an essential part of development. It doesn't mean you have to be an a*****e to the losers. Constructive criticism is a much finer tool than verbal abuse.
Lou Cam 3 years ago
Is this an American thing as we've never had this in the UK, not when I was growing up and not now with my kids in school. Winning is celebrated and winners promoted in the school/sport. Loosers get nowt. Nothing. At. All. Participation trophies is an idea used to bash young people but I've never heard of anyone actually receiving one except for my husbands running competitions. Everyone running marathons gets a medal for instance. He's in his 40's so no, not a young people problem.
Sonja 3 years ago
That's because most marathons are not just about competing but to compete against yourself and finish it. That's where the saying: 'it's not a run, it's a marathon' comes from. It's different than other sports as it is so difficult, that everyone who manages to finish it gets a trophy because they beat themselves.
Load More Replies...
Nymbosox 3 years ago (edited)
“Not everything in life is a lesson, sometimes you just fail” ~ D.K.S.
Stosh S 3 years ago
.... But you learn the most from failing. You don't learn anything from succeeding, just what you were doing worked. That will never lead to new understanding. There is always a reason and sometimes that reason is unfair and you learn that too.
Load More Replies... Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Children need to be told that every child has a talent they'll be good at. Today it's just not soccer, or baseball, or whatever. Tell them to keep trying different things and they'll eventually find what it is they love to do and they'll be good at it.
iseefractals 3 years ago
The mentality that "Everyone deserves a trophy just for showing up" is exactly why so much of society today is insufferable. "You can do anything you want in life, as long as you TRY YOUR BEST" No. Everyone is not suited to do everything. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, or how much you want it, you simply aren't good/skilled/talented/physically capable enough to make it happen, and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Instead we have multiple generations of parents who don't tell their kids no, don't discipline, don't get them to accept their own limitations and instead instill the belief that anyone that doesn't praise them is just JEALOUS. It's creating a society of entitled people who are unwilling to accept responsibility for anything.
Erica Knapp 3 years ago (edited)
OMG this!!! Participation trophies are BS imo. I personally think this is where a lot of entitlement comes from these days and I'm speaking as a mom of a 23 year old. Folks need to get a grip, disappointment is part of lif and a lesson everyone has to learn because we all know life isn't fair.
JaimeeJames WD 3 years ago
I didn’t realise that participation trophies were a real thing? I thought it was always an exaggeration. Around here the only thing that kids got in primary school was each child would win one of the weekly student awards at least once each year. I think that’s nice for all kids to be able to know what positive recognition feels like without being over the top with ‘everyone wins’.
#24
Never lettings them fail. I see young people who enter the workforce having never failed at anything, because their parents simply swooped in and fixed whatever problem they may have had.
These young people have a real struggle adapting to and overcoming problems, and they often seem traumatized by virtually any setback.
Let your kids try stuff that isn't going to work. Let them fail to solve problems and achieve goals. When they get into a bind, let them struggle and fail. Help them to understand why they failed, and to develop strategies to succeed in the future.
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
The flipside of this... also don't lead your kids to BELIEVE that they failed when they haven't... then try to justify it as 'keeping your kid humble'. No... no that's called being a jackhole...
Susie Elle 3 years ago
I hate the world 'fail' and 'failure' - something either worked or it didn't. It worked out or it didn't. You made a mistake or you didn't. You were able to do something or you weren't. Call me a sensitive snowflake, but I feel the word 'failure' really overdramatizes the situation it's applied in.
Load More Replies...
Snorkeldorf 3 years ago (edited)
My 29 year old daughter still brings up the fact that I did not "let" her win at board games when she got old enough to play the ones that were a little more advanced. Back then she'd get mad; now she thanks me. I explained that I did it because I wanted her to think things through and develop strategies. Of course, I did give her tips along the way. Now she almost always beats me at those same games!
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
Yes, don't let them win eg in all board games! If you let them they'll be traumatised when they start school.
phoenix_rising 3 years ago
My dad did this with my youngest sister but never with me (oldest child here). She doesn't like playing "hard" games now (i.e. games she isn't good at) while I'll play just about anything even if I'm expected to lose. She's ended up really spoiled and like you said, I don't think she'll have a good time in middle school next year
Load More Replies... Debby Keir 3 years ago
If you have to make a negative comment to them, always add 2 positive ones.
Nykky 3 years ago
Haaaah. My parents never tried helping me out, but that also bled into my schooling. After a certain point when they couldn't help, it wasn't "do we need to get a tutor to help" or anything, it was just "GiT gOoD" like...geeeeeee, thaaaanks, I never thought of that. Let me just magically get my grades up instead of getting any help from you whatsoever.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I TA'd an Anthropology class in college. One particular assignment, the students did not read the instructions and I had to mark them down. This gave one girl a B+. She comes up to me, shoves the paper in my hand and says "This is wrong! I got nothing but straight A's in high school." I shoved the paper back in her hand and said "Welcome to college!" She just about had a meltdown until I explained to her that homework was a very small part of her grade and that the Midterm and Final made up most of the grade. I followed that with "Make sure to read all the instructions carefully and follow them to a T and you'll be fine." She got an A in the class.
AppletreeChild 3 years ago
Not to an extreme but I am one of those children... Needed to learn that failure would have massivly improved my sense of self, problemsolving and much more.... started learning and failing at around 18 years after finishing school... I love my mum but I still do blame her for it... she's still doing it too... working on her letting go...
Minna 3 years ago
Not saying that it’s necessarily the case with your mom. But I grew up without support and suffered tremendously for it and grew up feeling like a complete failure because I never succeeded in anything. So now I find myself overhelping my own children without thinking about it, I just don’t want them to feel the way I did and I need to constantly remind myself of letting them try and fail. So even if it becomes a problem sometimes it does come from a place of love, we are all humans trying to do better for our children 💛
Load More Replies...
#25
Letting your kid eat whatever they want. Way too many kids hitting obese status by 10.
Lou Cam 3 years ago (edited)
I would say this is more of a problem that letting them eat what they want. I know parents who never allow their kids chocolate or cake or basically any treats but the kids get a near adult sized portion of regular food. The same kids are ferried every where in a car so don't get activity beyond structured sports maybe twice a week. As a result are in the overweight category. I've never restricted what foods my kids can eat for a snack and 95% of the time they choose fruit or bread when hungry between meals. They don't pig out at parties nor stuff themselves at Halloween or Christmas. When they are free to choose chocolate for pudding it's no longer a treat food and doesn't have the same dopamine based reward that can lead to comfort eating. They follow their own bodies hunger and satiety signals instead.
Load More Replies...
JoJo Anisko 3 years ago
Also: give kids smaller portions with the clear understanding they can go back for more if they're still hungry.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I'm a fat adult and I agree wholeheartedly. Getting kids into a sedentary lifestyle/bad habits is setting them up for such a hard life. I am a huge advocate for not treating people badly who are overweight, for accepting who you are and I even have an Etsy business called 'Fat|Chic'. But it doesn't mean we can't try an be healthier and show our kids there are ways to be healthy without putting other people down. I think some people don't understand that trying to just accept who you are, not hurt yourself/hate yourself for having a hard time with weight loss or simply being happier heavier, and not put off living your life until you 'lose weight' is different than trying to promote being fat. When I see some 150 pound 9-year-old I get so angry because you're setting them up for a life of struggling to lose weight, adjusting the brain's chemical reward systems to not make it feel like an addiction and being treated as less than human by others.
Raccoon panda 3 years ago
I know this isn’t very relevant, but I think that they’d be more compelled to eat if they were allowed to follow you to the farmers market, and pick out something interesting (long as it’s healthy), or start a vegetable garden with you, or even just help prepare the meal. Kids take pride in their work, and joy in collaboration. Then just use a compost bin for the leftovers, or teach your kid generosity by having them bring them in an extra lunchbox to school for that one kid who can’t afford lunch, or inviting that kid over to eat if the school cracks down on it. Community is very important, you know?
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
Not going to lie, my kids have been known to stuff themselves with junk on occasion - my son thinks you get dessert after every meal and argues for one multiple times a day - but they are super active and skinny wee monsters - if I were concerned at all about their weight I would alter their diet to suit to keep them healthy. They also love fruit and veg so changing up a pudding for a tub of fruit wouldn't be a big deal, but I've found that the more you make food a no go the more the obsess over it and will stuff themselves silly once allowed it as a treat
Ches Yamada 3 years ago
Many nutritionists are saying this is BS - you *should* let them eat what they want. Give them options, however, and portion control, but if they want a piece of chocolate with breakfast? Let them. *Not* letting them is what makes the connection in their minds that it's taboo, and therefore special. Letting them make their own choices is surprising... not even kids will eat bad foods 24/7 if given the option.
Poeha 3 years ago
We eat chocolate sprinkles on bread for breakfast. 3.01 https://youtu.be/JGjeaHe7GkY
Load More Replies...
Xenia Harley 3 years ago
I think not doing much with your kids goes hand in hand with this. I taught, and had to do extra minutes of physical education to meet state guidelines. I walked around the field for ten minutes each day. They were often winded (these were fourth graders, about 9-10 years old)! Only activity they got was in school. I love nature so always hiked with my son. Hard to be fit if you sit and watch TV all day. Many had to stay inside, latchkey kids, both parents working.
Mike Beck 3 years ago
"Clean your plate" should be taught in conjunction with "Don't get so much, you can always get more." My step-daughter now uses smaller plates with smaller portions and gets seconds if she wants more. Her plate is virtually always completely empty without stuffing herself.
#26
Beating your kids till they fear coming home, I was one of those kids and I hated every moment of my childhood.
Rens 3 years ago
To this day, as a grown woman of 50, I still have a panic attack whenever I hear something that sounds like the garage door of my parent's house opening... Knowing that when my stepfather got home I would be punished for something or other. I left home at 17.
Astor.exe 3 years ago
its sad to hear that people got abused like this. Whats even worse is its LEGAL in some countries. Thanksfully i dont live in any of those countries
Load More Replies...
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
My mother thought this was a 'hilarious anecdote' to share with people... how I would, unfortunately drag teachers, counselors etc. down the rabbit hole with me... because I'd... I dunno... lost my socks or something and was too scared to go home so I'd pester them to help me because I was just too scared to go home. Going home was already an uneasy thing... going home knowing that there was something for mom to hold over my head? Oh gawd no.
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
That's just sooooo sad😭 In most European countries you're not allowed to beat your kids!
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
Me too. I got teased horribly in school and was verbally abused and beaten at home by my mother. I had no safe place until my sister moved out and I spent most of my teens over at her place. She helped me survive. The day my parents divorced and I stayed with my Dad was one of the best days of my life.
Asha Sc de Ro 3 years ago
Beating kids is never okay, not even a corrective tap. You are the adult, act like it.
Liv 3 years ago (edited)
I physically cringe (and emotionally shake) everytime someone's verbally angry/agressive towards me, or even worse, angry and emocional. Any kind of emocional confrontation really. It's like my brain thinks I'm going to get hit any second now, thanks to the trauma of being spanked without warning by a parent over any perceived insubordination. Edit: I don't think this is a trend though, as I'm forty. The other extreme seems more the case nowadays.
Scarlett 3 years ago
Depends. I’m like that at 18 but I also had what my parents call a “normal” upbringing (although there were definitely a few times when I actually deserved the spanking)
Load More Replies...
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
This isn't a new "trend." This is good old fashioned child abuse and should've been screened out of this list.
#27
Scaring their kids as a prank, regardless of whether it’s filmed or not, before the children can comprehend what a prank even is “Let me put on this scary monster mask and jump out in front of my toddler”
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I've seen videos of this....ticks me off every time! Leave the kid alone.
Jason 3 years ago
My son loved being startled by a surprise. Like hiding and popping out and saying boo. Or surprising him when he went around a corner. Like a extra intense version of peekaboo. He would laugh his head off. Super cute.
Load More Replies...
Mary Kelly 3 years ago
i hate this...or when they trick kids as a prank...you know, tell them they are going to disney and or that you ate all their halloween candy, just so you can film them and laugh at them...how f'ed up is that?!...i've heard people say it's training them to accept pranks from friends...well, wouldn't a better message be that, if you have friends who prank you all the time, maybe it's time to get new friends?
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
OMG I HATE this! I refuse to watch those awful videos of people who hide out and prank people. I'm always terrified someone is going to fall over from heart attack. I think it's a sick thing to do, to frighten people on purpose. God knows there's enough to be nervous about in the real world without having some low IQ scaring the c**p out of you.
Powerful Katrinka 3 years ago
There's a horrible video of a couple who took their two daughters (both under 10) to an animal shelter to get a dog. After the girls absolutely fell in love with one particular dog, the parents told them that they would have to think about it... only to pretend that the dog was adopted by someone else. They then videoed these little girls crying for about 5 minutes, then told them they were going to get the dog after all. It was meant to be a cute video of the "happy ending." What it was was an intensely disturbing example of parents who were willing to hurt their daughters for "likes.
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
I absolutely hate pranks! I think they're mean. On You Tube there's this girl who "pranks" her parents- blowing water balloons up in their face etc. I'm like, this isn't funny. It's very disrespectful and mean. Also, we're not watching this girl anymore. I absolutely can not stand it when I see it with kids or animals. But my son is young. He thinks the animal ones are funny. We've had to stop watching all animal videos because they sneak in these ones of people being mean to animals with a laugh track. It's awful. And he doesn't know any better.
#28
Sharing their childrens' problem to their friends. Parents should be trusted by their kids of keeping their problems. Maybe that's the reason why most kids and even teens dont share their problems to their parents but to their friends
Helena 3 years ago
Nothing has embarrassed me as much as my moms coworkers giving me a cake and clapping when I started my period at 13. The woman told everyone everything. I learned to never tell her anything.
B B 3 years ago
I told my mum, I got an STI and she told my sister and my aunt and nan like ok thank you. I was adult enough to go to the docs (I was 18) and get it sorted and I used protection it failed. But I got made to feel like a silly child.
Load More Replies... Horst 3 years ago
My parents punished me for crying or being angry (worse they deny that they ever did) and now they wonder why I don’t tell them my problems.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
And for God's sake, stop sharing moments that would be embarrassing for the child if your co-worker or friend brought it up in front of them. Your friend doesn't need to know that your son wet the bed. If it's a problem, discuss it with a therapist or doctor so that you preserve your child's privacy.
phoenix_rising 3 years ago
Something mildly funny yet horribly embarrassing happened to me on a hike once with some of my family members. Since the hike itself was a big part of the week, we were asked about it various times by lots of different people and sure enough, my family brought up that story every. damn. time. I couldn't stand it. I wished it had stayed an inside joke, just between those who had gone on the hike, but no. I had to relive that over and over.
Load More Replies...
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago (edited)
And also not judging/getting mad if ur kid tells you something they’ve been dealing with. I certainly didn’t like it when I told my parents I might have ADHD/ASD and my mom got pissed at me. Or when I came out as trans and they didint support me and made me stop using my preffered name/pronouns. Then when they find out I didint stop they get mad/confused about why I went behind their back…??? Ma’am your the one who didint provide a safe space to express myself so ofc I’m gonna go try to find one myself instead. Edit: Thank you for all the lovely replies!
Bobby 3 years ago
I would probably struggle with my kids coming out as trans, but that's my problem, not theirs. I wouldn't hate on it. Id ask them to explain it to me, to help me understand. For what it's worth I support you
Load More Replies... Niki A 3 years ago
This is why I have trust issues... my mom would call everyone in her family to talk about the problem child who had sex a handful of times and ask how to stop me. Meanwhile, I had a cousin try drugs and end up in the ER, one who lied about dropping out of college, one who was sneaking around with a drug dealer, and another who was chasing grown women at 16. But yes, I was the problem child.
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
If you knew about the cousins sounds like it was a family tradition for everyone to share everything.
Load More Replies...
Bobby 3 years ago
With the really young ones I get sharing with other parents to try and figure out a solution, like potty training or what diaper rash solution worked for you. But beyond that let your kids have their privacy
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
I do need support from other parents on these things. And they need support too. We trade ideas and methods. Everybody is struggling with the same things. It's nice to have a community working together to solve problems. I'm a single mother with no parents or siblings. I need ideas from someone besides the internet. My friends and I help each other a great deal.
Load More Replies... 
Marion Goriak 3 years ago
Yeah, because parents don't ever need support from their peers when their kids go off the rails. It's called "sharing resources".
Steven Mcd 3 years ago
I know, right? It's like these people think parents were innately born with the knowledge to solve every problem that comes up
Load More Replies...
fisHeads 3 years ago
My mom decided that it was her personal mission to tell my best friend that I had a crush on her, and now, two years after we broke up cuz it wasn't working in the slightest, we haven't talked since July, and it was just me sending a pic of a big frog
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
Sharing with your best friend is a total boundary violation and should never have occurred. Totally different though from sharing with her best friend so she could get advice (which hopefully would've been -don't tell the best friend!!).
Load More Replies... #29
Not being able to discipline your own kids.
Discipline and abuse are two totally different things!
You either correct them now or let the "system" do it for you later.
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
Please discipline your kids yourself!!! Don't "let the system do it later". Teachers e. g. have MORE THAN ENOUGH to do with teaching x numbers of pupils, where many have different needs, etc and do DEFINITELY NOT have time to bring up children who cannot behave in class because they haven't been disciplined at home.
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
The "system" that will discipline them later includes the police and the courts. And their inability to hold down jobs so they have to live in your basement.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
Also, do not let them get away with things because they are kids. Kids that act like a**holes grow up to be adults that act like a**holes. My MIL used to buy kids books from the dollar store and let my 4 year old tear the pages out of them. She said "It's ok..they're only a dollar." I said "and how is a 4 year old supposed to know the difference between a book that costs one dollar and a book that cost a 100 dollars?" She said "Good point" and started teaching him to respect the book.
Xenia Harley 3 years ago
I had a group of friends when I first had my son that said to me, "The kids will learn rules in school." I was getting my masters in education at the time, and I was like NO! Eventually, moved away from that group of friends only because I believed in discipline. Never hit my son, but discipline is not about that at all! Talk to your kids and teach them the "rules" to live in society! They aren't wild animals!
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
The problem with this is that too many people (mostly women) have a very strange idea about the definition of "abuse." They think everything except hugs and love is abuse. If you upset your child with discipline, it's abuse. If they deliberately cross a line and get punished, it's abuse. Now - taking a belt and whipping a kid IS abuse. Emotionally hammering a child IS abuse. But way too many women have a very strange definition of that word.
Stosh S 3 years ago
Tell me you hate women without telling me.younhage women. You can be a women and hate other women.
Load More Replies... 
Pieter LeGrande 3 years ago
A lot of the comments miss the point. The post say "not able to discipline". What then?
#30
I’m 17 and my parents don’t allow a closed door.
Charlene McMiller 3 years ago
No privacy, no trust (my parents only allow closed doors if we have no devices in there because “phone bad”)
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 3 years ago
This is lack of trust by the parents. My thought is, if you raise your kids to be honest with you and not afraid of approaching you with even sensitive subjects, you will have no reason not to trust your kids. You can't protect them every minute of the day, but you can give them avenues to get help or information when they need it.
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
This litterally just changed my whole perspective on trust.
Load More Replies... Rens 3 years ago
I had the same problem, I was not allowed privacy while I lived in my parents house. The bathroom door also didn't have a lock, when I was showering I had to contend with my younger brothers coming in to use the toilet, or even worse, my stepfather walking in.
Nykky 3 years ago
I closed and locked my door gently at one point when I just wanted a cool down period from a screaming I got from my father (I don't know what he was angry about, I was apparently just always a f**k up to my parents so I never learned anything), and about five minutes after that I got loud banging on my door and him screaming at me to unlock the door, and when I did, I was threatened to have my door removed if I did that again. Well guess what? I've been walked in on me being nude 3 times and have absolutely no boundaries for myself because I'm not allowed to. Again, this doesn't make me think they were doing their best. It makes me resent them and think they were f*****g morons for having a second child that they obviously didn't want.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Wow. I'm really big on respecting my kids privacy. I don't snoop their rooms or phones, they can have their doors closed, and their siblings are to respect that as well. They have to be invited into each other's bedrooms. I have an open dialogue with them and tell them that I'm putting them on the honor system until I have reason to feel otherwise. My daughter has a friend whose mom won't let her close her door and she has cameras in her room.
lauralett50 3 years ago
Wait the mom put cameras in the daughter's room . That's insane!
Load More Replies...
The crushinator 3 years ago
Put on an R-rated movie, call them to your room, light a cigarette, chug a beer and masturbate furiously to assert dominance.
Grrr Girl 3 years ago (edited)
I understand if there is someone they are dating or want to date in the room with them but otherwise kids and teens need privacy too.
Jon Steensen 2 years ago
even then, let them be alone. Teens start to get interested in dating, and it is not an unnatural thing that parents needs to put their nose smack down in the middle of an regulate (In most cases, if they partner is just a half decent guy/gal).
Load More Replies... #31
Treating your kids like they’re the center of the world. My son is the center of my world, but I can’t treat him that way. It would be a rude awakening when he’s not the center of attention wherever he goes.
DrBronxx 3 years ago
This is something that I am deathly afraid of. My child will be arriving in February, and it is coming after years of trying, with many sacrifices and hardships. We are finally going to get our little bundle of joy, and I'm afraid that I am going to be overprotective and paranoid, and that I'm going to spoil her. Even during the pregnancy, I've had bouts of paranoia and being overly concerned. It's something that I really must keep in check.
Jason 3 years ago
You will find your balance! Being concerned shows that you care. It will all be overwhelming at first but you will get it. Reading some extra parenting books helped me develop guidelines and frameworks on how to handle things
Load More Replies... LazyPanda 3 years ago
This will be SO hard for me! I think if it's done well--if they're taught to think highly of themselves and their worth in harmony with the world and not in spite if it--they could become responsible contributors to society. Emotionally well-rounded, empathetic, knowing they're capable of doing great things but also knowing it's enough that they're just alive. Right? My kids will absolutely be the most important things to ever exist to me other than my spouse. I can just already feel that I'll be worthlessly in love. Hope I don't mess it up
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
You can kind of recognize when you're kid is being a jerk. And they all have their moments. If you think they're perfect you're delusional. I think most moms are on to their kids.
Load More Replies... Pamela Blue 3 years ago
SO true! I think that our present society has produced more narcissists than is comfortable. SO many people are insisting that THEY are the ones who must be accommodated - screw everyone else. They're the ones who suck the system dry, and suck people dry who are unfortunate enough to be in their orbit.
#32
Hitting them
Lily Swags 3 years ago
Yeah I don’t get it. If you hit a stranger, that’s assault. If you hit your partner, that’s domestic violence. But if you hit your kid that’s supposed to be loving discipline? Makes no sense!!
Tyranamar Seuss 3 years ago
Again it's not a modern "trend." I think we've lost sight of the title of the article. Or maybe they changed the title?
Ralph Watkins 3 years ago
The cat is out of the bag. Those of us who grew up with corporal punishment were not traumatized by it. We felt like survivors after being spanked. You looked around at the other kids & there was a sense on camaraderie. They were survivors too. We had a bond. The kids who came from those perfect families that did not spank, they terrified us & we saw pity on those kids. Something wrong was going on those homes. We grew up & learned we were right. But then one day the message came out that kids who are spanked are suddenly abused & now victims. The attitudes changed. Kids were no longer survivors, they were victims. That message was what did most of the damage. So we really can't go back to spanking & other corporal punishment.
#33
Enforcing religion, teaching kids materialism will make them happy, not looking into the child's mental health
phoenix_rising 3 years ago
This should be higher. Don't push religion on your kids, my parents did that to me and I've ended up having trouble with my parents and religion because of it
Ralph Watkins 3 years ago
Religion can be very healthy as long as it is family like. When it's more like an indoctrination, breeding the next disciple, it gets destructive. Listen to your kids too. If they say the Sunday school teacher creeps them out, then intervene on their behalf. I found out late in life that my one cousin was molested by the local monsignor. When he told his parents, his father beat him for blaspheming the man of God. My dad would have gone to prison in order to protect his kids. Holy man or not, he wouldn't care. You protect your kids.
DrBronxx 3 years ago
My parents are religious. We went to mass every Sunday, and on every special occasion that requires it. As I grew up I felt less of a connection to the religion. I never directly discussed my beliefs with my parents, but I ended up with a belief system that was akin to karma, but was basically just "love thy neighbour". I'm pretty sure that my parents can see as an adult that I am (essentially) a good person, and so they do not force religion on me. I haven't been in a church since my brother's wedding in 2015, but next time I'm home for Christmas, I might still go, for tradition's sake (haven't been home for Christmas since 2008).
Debby Keir 3 years ago
Back in the old days (ie my childhood) it was thought that young children HAD no mental health issues, at all, ever, til maybe puberty. Even adult mental health issues weren't given an ICD code (International classification of disease) until 1949. We have actually come a long way since then, but obviously not as quickly or as far as we should. This is something that you youngsters must take forward into the world. Neither put up, nor shut up.
Jon Steensen 2 years ago
Religion is like a penis: It is ok to have one, it is ok to be proud of it, but don't air it in public, and don't push it on to others (especially kids).
Thomas Ewing 3 years ago
Religion is an option, not mandatory. Ordinary living will bring on needs, and a good social environment, including church or not, can answer those needs. Church works nice for me because I'm single and having an 'adopted family is a big help. The music and morals are top-drawer.
Grrr Girl 3 years ago
I was baptised catholic amd went to a catholic school where we barely learnt religion (basically colored pics of jesus) and was forced to go to church sometimes. I barely understood what it even meant to be catholic. My sister just had there baby and sooooo many people were overly concerned about the decision not to get him baptised. They made this decision because they want him to be able to understand and make the decision his self what he believes in. Especially when they aren't even religious.
#34
Treating your child like they were perfect and blaming everyone else for your child's and your f**k ups. Oh, and taking your child's side no matter what, even if they're wrong.
Widdershins66 3 years ago (edited)
Happened to me. Friend believed their two boys over EVERYBODY ELSE including friends, me, school, babysitter, playschool volunteers, shopkeepers, all unsundry... The boys were oh so hard done by. Btw, they were both expelled from their private school (UK). We actually fell out over the boys and I haven't seen or heard from them in 15 years.
Debby Keir 3 years ago
and private schools in the UK will do anything 'not to expel' as it's a lost revenue stream.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
Investigate what happened. Don't assume your child was in the wrong. My son's autism made it difficult for him to understand that his actions sometimes brought reactions that he didn't like. When he was in the wrong, he would have to atone for it with an apology, a hand shake or whatever was appropriate for the situation. He learned to not instigate bad behavior.
Nykky 3 years ago
I was never believed. "You say you're being bullied? Well I don't see it, so it's not happening." "You think you almost died from H1N1? Well I couldn't get time off work and see the condition you were in, so that's not true." "You're upset because of something I did? You must be on your period." F**k you.
#35
Some gentle parenting techniques go too far. My ex-nephew had a tantrum in the middle of my ex-MIL’s living room one day because his bagel was cut in half (typical toddler stuff). SIL at the time just kept saying in this over the top voice “ohh, I’m so sorry. I know you didn’t want your bagel cut. I know, it’s so hard, blah blah blah.” She just kept on like that to him forever while the rest of us just had to sit there with a screaming toddler melting down in the middle of the room. Remove him! Take him to another room and have him calm the hell down to behave with others. There’s gotta be a balance on supporting your kids through their feelings and teaching them how to function around others.
She also helicoptered him so much he was developmentally behind in motor skills/physically for a while cause she never let him fall or explore/ figure anything out like toddlers do. She treated him like he was made of glass.
Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
That's not 'gentle parenting'. That's being a wimp. gentle parenting is something quite different. It's all about giving your child age appropriate choices, and giving then the tools and techniques to learn to manage emotional outbursts etc. What being described is the antithesis of gentle parenting.
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago (edited)
It might have been better to be like hey ik u didint want ur bagel like that, but we can make a new one. Can we try to calm down? And if the tantrum continues then yeah take them to another room but don’t just try to talk to them Becuase if they’re not listening to your first sentences they’re probably not listening at all and are more focused on their crying.
Poeha 3 years ago (edited)
My kids never had tantrums. One would go cry about whatever nonsense, which made zero sense and I said: yes you're totally right. If something bothered him, I hit it. Bozo thing annoying you on purpose. How dare he! And he'd sleep a minute later.
Load More Replies... Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I'm pretty big on accountability with my kids. It's also very important that the parents have a united front. My friend will ground his kids, and his wife will completely ignore that and let them get away with whatever. We have a rule that whoever grounds them is the one who decides when it's ended, lol
Mary Kelly 3 years ago
two things: (1) "ex-nephew"?...(2) she should have removed the child, but any parent will tell you that children act out when they are thirsty/hungry/have low blood sugar...unfortunately, the outburst often happens when you offer food...once they get the food in, they usually perk right back up...TLDR: in short, there is a reason they give upset kids a small glass of apple juice in the ER
Jo 3 years ago
Ok, I do say "oh, I know it's so hard" to babies sometimes when their crying and I can't figure out why. Never thought of it as a bad thing until now 😅 I don't do it with toddlers and older kids, them I usually just do my best to calm them down without rewarding them or letting them think their justified.
Ralph Watkins 3 years ago
I have a niece in which everybody walked on eggshells around her due to her incredible tantrums. Just give in at all costs. Some of us in the family set boundaries which set her off. Cool. Then when she got so wound up, we would just sit & stare at her throwing her tantrum. Now she really went off the rails. Ripping off her clothes, puking, & then holding her head but now she gave herself a massive headache. It was fun to watch. She grew up & I asked what made her grow out of her brat stage. Her epic tantrums & those who punished her by having her just go all out. She got tired of making herself so sick & destroying some of her favorite things that she decided just to follow the rules. She is an adult now & not a traumatic wreck like so many soft parents believe that happens. She is a fine young lady who is petite, strong forklift driver. She turned out great.
#36
Homeschooling kids to protect them from what happens in the education system. I don't like everything that happens in schools, but kids need a real education and regular exposure to kids their age.
PleasantCrocodile 3 years ago
Homeschooling can be great when done well, as long as the child is enrolled in plenty of extracurriculars and the parents stay on top of things. I was homeschooled since kindergarten and at age 16 got into college, where i was a straight A student. While I agree that some parents can't be trusted with such a huge responsibility and eff it up, it's a little pretentious to say homeschooling is not a "real education."
Xenia Harley 3 years ago
The "UnschoolingMovement" has to go, though! the idea that life will teach kids all they need to know, and zero thought has to go into actually teaching them! Ugh! As a retired teacher, really gets to me! Have a cousin basically doing this.
Load More Replies...
Riani Kivela 3 years ago
This is an unfair generalization the majority of homeschool parents. Yes, I am one. I use an academically rigorous curriculum and I spend 5-6 hours a day teaching it. My daughter (8) is at or above grade level in all subjects. In addition to required subjects she's learning Latin and world history (her interests). She is regularly exposed to kids her age at karate, gymnastics, homeschool co-op activities (skating, bowling, picnics, etc.), and field trips, She has friends. Yes, there are terrible parents out there who absolutely shouldn't homeschool, but there are a lot who are working hard to give their kids the education they wish they had gotten without the bullying and abusive teachers (I experienced both).
Piper 3 years ago
I home school my autistic child and she has gone from being marginally learning and an unable to read 3rd grader after 2 years of kindergarten to an on grade level reader and 1/2 a year behind in math in 2 years, even making up for the year she was held back. Socially, we no longer have the meltdowns. She spends 1 day a week in an outdoor science learning program with other homeschoolers. Homeschooling saved her. She won’t ever be nuerotypical nor will her dyslexia go away, but she is so much better now than she ever was in school.
TheEndIsNigh🇨🇦and🇬🇧in🇺🇲 3 years ago
I take offense to the notion that being homeschooled is not a "real education." I was home schooled until I was 9, and I had a wonderful teacher. I have ASD, and everyone felt that I needed more social & interaction skills, so I went to a private school that had a great program. I enrolled at the 6th grade level (I should have been in 4th) because I was so far ahead. By the time I graduated high school, I also almost had enough Uni credits for my bachelor's. I now have a BS, DVM, and MBA. Home schooling is not "not a real education."
Ches Yamada 3 years ago
I would have preferred being homeschooled. I was abused constantly in school and only learned that people suck and all of them will hurt you. Left to my own devices, I learned more.
Kathleen Whitener 3 years ago
Okay the idea that homeschooling is not a 'real education ' is bs. There are plenty of great homeschool curriculums out there. Also there are plenty of ways to get kids socialized without them being in school. I was homeschooled until high school and so were my brothers but my mom put us in sports, scouts, and other activities. There are homeschool co-op groups in many places too. Homeschooling is a wonderful option. Sure, it might not be right for everyone, but don't knock it just because you don't think it would work for you.
Kathleen Whitener 3 years ago
Not to mention that homeschool kids often do better academically than public schooled kids. My husband teaches an undergrad college economics class and most of his students can barely string together a complete sentence on a page.
Load More Replies... Pamela Blue 3 years ago (edited)
Done well, homeschooling is the best form of education kids get. I know several home-schooled kids, and they are way better adjusted, smarter and overall above average in almost every way. They learn early to solve problems for themselves and their life experience is way beyond those who are stuck in a classroom all day. There are many colleges who will take a home-schooled kid ahead of a public school kid any day.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
This one I disagree with. In some cases, homeschooling is better because some schools have become so unsafe for kids. And now that there are plenty of online K-12 schools, I think it's a good option. But the parents also need to socialize the kids. One way is to plan field trips...museum visits, zoos, parks, or volunteering. Keeping them isolated the whole time could make it difficult to adjust to college life or a career outside the home.
#37
ALL of them. There is no trend or even broad tactic that will work every kid. They need to know that love is unconditional but respect is not. That they have rights and responsibilities. They have to know they are the most important thing in the world until they believe, and then you have to dial that back to where they understand that their parents love them but they are one member of a bigger society. Parenting is hard, and every kid needs to be patented different. Every parenting trend is just one more layer of b******t trying to sell you stuff based on your fear of inadequacy. Talk to your kids and put the phone down. Source: ten years in child care.
Nykky 3 years ago
Thank you. If you're thinking of becoming a parent and aren't ready for a child with psychopathy or autism or for them to be especially sensitive or think they'll be independent at 5, you need to seriously rethink having children right now. You need to be ready for anything, and it's HIGHLY UNLIKELY that your kid will be a mini Einstein. It's very much more likely that your child will have high functioning autism, depression, anxiety, and/or ADHD. If you don't think you're ready for that, you are NOT ready for children.
Aim Mclauchlan 3 years ago
So true, you literally have to be prepared for anything!
Load More Replies... 
#38
Filming or taking pics of crying younger kids and posting it on social media like it's cute/funny. Sure, they may be crying for a silly reason, but they aren't old enough to process their emotions properly, so to them it's a big deal. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it feels like their main protector giggling and taking their phone out to film them during a meltdown can't be something good for their emotional well-being and ability to trust in the long term.
Tamra 3 years ago
This one really, really bothers me. If your child is emotionally distraught and your first instinct is to record it for later posting, then I feel really, really sorry for your poor kid.
Astor.exe 3 years ago
yea thats stupid. social media took so many parents time with kids... tiktok for example
Load More Replies... Greymom 3 years ago
Also, the pranks promoted by certain late night tv hosts like "lets tell them we ate all their Halloween candy and then film them crying so we can get 10 seconds of tv fame.". Pranks like this aren't funny. They just teach your kids it's okay to be a bully and get amusement from causing pain to someone weaker than you.
Mamma4boys 3 years ago
I hate all of that sh*t. Don't watch it. Don't think it's funny. Heart breaks for the kids.
Mary Kelly 3 years ago
it's the same with pranking or scaring your kids....what the f is wrong with these parents
#39
No punishments at all. You cannot tune a complex system with positive feedback alone.
Else Sakshaug 3 years ago
... just don't hit the kids! Take away one benefit e.g a piece of chocolate to pinpoint your statements.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
One way I got my son to behave in the store was to let him pick out a cheap toy or candy. I let him hold it and if he started acting up.."Do we need to put that back?" "No! No!" and he'd calm down. After a while, the "prize" was no longer needed. As soon as he could read, I made him Navigator of Shopping! He'd get the shopping list and read it off to me as we went through the store.
Load More Replies... Sonja 3 years ago
Don't think no punishment means no consequences. It is perfectly possible to raise children without ever punishing them as long as there are sensible consequences to their actions and parents do their best to let their children experience them. Returning a child to the car if it has a tantrum during grocery shopping is not a punishment, it's a consequence. And it can happen without slapping, without screaming or without any abuse. The difference between consequences and punishment is that consequences must be closely related to the undesired behaviour and are meant to stop that behaviour by removing whatever caused it. Punishment is unrelated and often cruel, because it's not geared to show the child why their behaviour is bad. Giving a child detention because of bad grades is punishment. But it doesn't solve the issue. What should happen is that parents find out why the child has bad grades and giving them what they need to get better.
Poeha 3 years ago
I never got punished. For what? You behave better when your parents aren't nasty.
Load More Replies... Lara M 3 years ago
I dunno. If the goal is to raise a child who can make good decisions and be considerate of others, I think natural consequences are a much better method than punishment. Let the kid experience the natural consequences of a bad decision, and they'll start making good decisions.
PleasantCrocodile 3 years ago
Just an aside, but "positive feedback" is not a synonym for "reward." It means something is given while "negative feedback" means something is taken away. For example, a spanking is positive feedback, and taking a child's iPad is negative.
Liv 3 years ago
"positive feedback, noun: feedback that tends to magnify a process or increase its output" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/positive%20feedback). 🤔 I don't see how spanking can be classified as such, but I could be missing something.
Load More Replies...
#40
I used to bicycle long distances regularly to get to friends, swim lessons and when I was old enough, to work.
Now it seems you are a terrible parent if you let your child out of your sight? From the perspective of building independence, confidence and saving the planet from helicopter parents driving their kids everywhere can we please just let kids bicycle again?
Alvia Vseobecna 3 years ago
I understand your point but there are so many weird people around... in all kinds of neighborhoods. Depending on the age of the child there is only so much you can explain and not scare them to death.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago
Yes and no. We were just worried about the wrong thing. It isn't strangers we need to worry about. Crazy statistic. You child has 5 times more chance at being abused by being left at a church alone (with all the clergy, leaders, etc) than being left alone at a public park. Let that sink in.
Load More Replies... Tamra 3 years ago
I'm Gen X, and I was basically feral as a kid. Come home from school to an empty house, make myself a snack, then hit the road to walk somewhere. Today, much of my childhood would be illegal. There's a fine balance to be had between protecting your child and letting them interact with the world.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
As a child of the 70's and 80's and now a parent of teens, I think that there was just as much danger back then (The Hillside Strangler and The Night Stalker were all around my city as a child) we just didn't have the internet and multiple news outlets to hear about all of it. I was downright feral as a kid... single mother and a latchkey kid at 12.
Powerful Katrinka 3 years ago
I agree. The idea that it was somehow a safer, more innocent world when I was a kid in the 60s is ridiculous.
Load More Replies... Momma Panda 3 years ago
We used to be home alone age 7 or 8 for a couple of hours till our parents came from work, watching tv and playing. Now there is no way you can leave your child alone before they are 15, I guess.
Jessica Wood 3 years ago
It baffles me how my mum was always complaining that kids don't go outside anymore, but still hated it if we went further than the end of the street.
Connie Bonneville 3 years ago
Exactly! I took my kids to my moms and they were outside kicking a ball and her neighbors yelled at them.
Load More Replies...
AndThenICommented 3 years ago
I grew up the same way but it was a different world/we didn’t know what danger was out there. There was some power in numbers as well. I definitely won’t be letting my child wander the city from 10 years old the way I did. Why take the chance?
Justin M 3 years ago
Unfortunately, some people feel the exact opposite about this. My sister, who lives in Maryland (a fairly progressive state), had her 10 year old brought home by the police from a community park about a mile from her house because someone called and reported an "abandoned child," because there were no other kids there at the time. CPS got involved, it was a nightmare. The worst part is, she's a intense helicopter parent and let her son ride his bike there after a great deal of coaxing from family. Now she's had all her anxieties confirmed and I'm afraid my nephew won't be allowed out of the house by himself again for at least 15 years.
WonderWoman 3 years ago
sure, so long as they are with others. The world is too GD crazy to let your child ride far away from home
fisHeads 3 years ago
When I was 9 and my parents were the definition of helicopter parents, my grandparents took me and my cousins to San Diego and we stayed at one of those trailer park things by the beach. They let us ride our bikes all around and it was awesome. I was so confused and didn't go far at first, but it was still great. My first bit of independence, honestly. I was always back by curfew and my grandparents always knew when we were going out. We never went outside of the trailer park. It was the most fun I'd have for a while
Lucy Shupe 2 years ago
Absolutely, in summers especially I’d leave my house in mid morning and not get home until dinner time. It was how my friends were raised also. We for the most part turned out fairly well. This I can’t let you walk two houses down by themselves is BS.
#41
The lines between gentle parenting and permissive parenting are getting blurred. I 100% believe children should have their feelings validated and be spoken to like actual human-beings. I abhor corporal punishment and feel that it is lazy and abusive. However, it is not good to have the pendulum swing too far the other direction. Too many parents make the decision to never say “no,” and withhold any form of discipline. Their kids grow into spoiled, demonic, terroristic little shits and believe the entire world should bend to their will.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I saw one dad that would get down to his daughters level when she was having a meltdown. He'd ask her questions. Didn't talk down to her or scold her. Within less than a minute, meltdown over and smile on the kids face. Some people just rock the parenting.
#42
Kids/babies in dating app photos. I think there should be a rule against it no minors. Mind boggling how many guys have them on there.
B B 3 years ago (edited)
Because they like to use their children as little trophies of their nuts working but forget to add they don't pay or help out with the children
Joshua Moore 3 years ago
This must be a two way street. I also find it absolutely disgusting / disturbing how many women post pictures of their children on dating profiles. If your profile says "I have children" ok I believe you. I don't need to see individual pictures of them on your dating profile. Just so terribly wrong.
#43
“Cry it out”. I think it’s cruel and didn’t do it with either of my kids. If my baby is crying it needs me, it’s natural instinct
Philler Space 3 years ago
Kids who don't cry are the ones who know they get ignored or punished for it. It's actually often a pretty reliable indicator of abuse. Instinctively, crying is asking for help; amongst the Five Fs (fight, flight, friend, flee, flop) it is the act referred to as Friend. Even crying in frustration or railing against God imply a mindset that believes in basic justice and support. Obviously once in a while a kid is going to be overwhelmed or just need a good cry, but consistently Ignoring or abusing it only teaches a child to be a bad friend and/or that you are one.
Nykky 3 years ago (edited)
I would be screamed at for crying, and it taught me to not open up, to be just happy or neutral around my family, and that nobody would be there for me. It made life feel very cold and lonely, and made me give up if there weren't clear directions on what to do. It's why I'm 30 and still live in my childhood living space. And have no friends.
Load More Replies... LizzieR1985 3 years ago
I had no choice but to let my little one cry it out one night.. it was an absolute LAST RESORT. It was after 40 minutes of picking up/putting back down, he was fully asleep in my arms and would wake as soon as I put him back down in his cot. I had to make his night time bottles, take my medication and feed the cat, so I lay him down and walked away. I knew he was perfectly safe, had a full belly, a clean bum and that it would only be 10/15 minutes at the most. Within 5 minutes he was fast asleep and has gone down very happily by himself since.
Lizz 3 years ago
Same with my daughter. She was 2 weeks old and shut up when she heard the doorknob. She was fed/clean/warm so she was simply crying for attention. After 2 weeks of picking up/putting down and being a complete zombie because of no sleep I said F- it. She went to sleep quite easily about a week later....
Load More Replies... Asha Sc de Ro 3 years ago
This is also really outdated. Many studies have shown babies have bad stress management later in life if you let them cry it out. Never do this with my baby boy.
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
Wait.. this is where the ainxiety stems. My parents have told me they did this with me.
Load More Replies... Mary Kelly 3 years ago
yes, a child should know that a parent is near...that is the purpose of a child's cry....
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
I am fully in support of letting the kid cry as long as they need to, just don’t ignore them while they’re doing it.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I saw a video of one parent that would deal with a child crying for no reason by saying "wait...it's my turn to cry." He'd bawl. "now it's Abby's turn. No? Ok, that's a pass from Abby. Now it's your turn." She'd cry a little. "Ok..now it's my turn." By then the little girl would stop because she had a chance to calm down. Not sure if it's a good parenting technique, but it was effective.
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 years ago
AKA: the extinction method. I don't trust anyone who does that. That's just me, though.
#44
Instagram for fetuses and babies, keep your children away from that kind of exposure
Astor.exe 3 years ago
yea. my cousins child (8) use tiktok and insta and stuff like that daily. im 13 and i hate those apps
Oktogal 3 years ago
Hey, fellow 13 year old! Yeah, I agree, I think Instagram kinda sucks, but TikTok is 10x worse
Load More Replies...
Ingrid Karena Santana-Ramirez 3 years ago
I agree my daughter is about to turn 11 next week, but she is overly developed and very smart, after my 2nd oldest age 25 at the time went missing in 2018, I had to keep her protected due to threats coming to us the she- age 6 at the time would be next. I gave her online education and taught her about internet safety from early on. I had to homeschool her because of constant danger. I would even take her to work with me. She would do her schoolwork and then jump online. She had her own phone because of the tracker and I would make sure she was being responsible, well that DIDN’T last. She began to get on websites not for children and became addicted to social apps like instagram, Discord, and several others. On 2 occasions she became the target of everything I’ve been trying to keep her safe from. Now she lost her cell phone, internet is only allowed when her activity could be monitored, and she began to fail her classes. I take full responsibility for my part, and I pray I was on time
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I posted pics when they were little but no longer do anymore. I ask permission now that they are teens.
#45
Blaming the phone for any sort of pain
waddles 3 years ago
“OH MY GOD I’M HAVING CHEST PAINS I THINK I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK” “it’s because you’re on that damn phone too much”
Astor.exe 3 years ago
"I wanna comit kill my self:(" "that damn phone thats why" *takes phone*
Load More Replies... RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
Finnaly! I was waiting for this one lmao! I came out as trans and guess what my parents do. Took away my phone Becuase the ‘internet was brainwashing me’ then k said I most likely have ADHD/ASD and they take my phone away say im convincing myself I have these becuase of the internet and my phone. (Also this was months and months of research, not just watching a video and saying I have it, I wouldn’t have told them if I wasn’t 80+% sure)
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
Tell them it’s determined primarily by genes and 100% before birth. It’s not something you ‘get’ it’s something you are.
Load More Replies...
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
I once fell down the stairs years ago, and my mother blamed it on my Nokia. Which wasn't even in my pocket at the time ...
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 years ago
Ha when my mum found out about some things related to mental health she immediately blamed my phone/friends
crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
Yeah whenever I was in a bad mood, even if it was caused by my parents doing/saying something that I was uncomfortable with (e.g. my mom once told me that my 'obsession with LGBTQ stuff' was funny and when I told her that she was making me uncomfortable she threw a fit about how I was policing her words) they would just say 'oh it's because you have too much screen time' like yes I do, I understand that, but that's not the only problem that exists
#46
Unschooling. Intentionally not educating your kids academia items.
Debby Keir 3 years ago
Especially if you leave out 'biology' so that you don't have to justify your antivax stance or lack of sex ed.
#47
No rules, no saying no. It creates entitled and spoiled kids who have complete meltdowns well past meltdown age. Plus it leads to a much harder adulthood when the world doesn't give them everything they want to shut them up.
#48
Actions have no consequences. If they do wrong, discipline them!
Stephanie Did It 3 years ago
Most people equate discipline with punishment, but the true meaning and purpose of discipline is to teach. Explain, reason, teach them to think and make good decisions, and that there are consequences to every type of behavior.
crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
Discipline and punishment are literally synonyms lol
Load More Replies...
#49
Completely ignoring your kid when they're acting up in public and letting them p**s everyone else off.
#50
Pushing kids to go a certain way in life vs. what would best suit their child(ren). Parents will not be living the lives of their children.
#51
Attachment parenting. You know, those weird a*s mother who let their kids breastfeed until they the kid decides to stop, often times ending up with 5+ year olds sucking on their tits every day.
crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
Yeah according to my mom I didn't stop til I was like 4 and it's the weirdest feeling. I wish she had just cut it off earlier because it just feels gross and disgusting
#52
Banning books.
Bethan Coleman 3 years ago
Possibly all books other than the bible in order to avoid the child being 'contaminated' by outside influences.
Load More Replies... and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 3 years ago
The only effective threat for me as a kid.. they never actually did it I snapped back into shape immediately lol
Rens 3 years ago
Who the f*** bans books?? Having said that years ago I had a friend with two small boys and for birthdays and Christmas I always used to buy them books instead of toys; I doubt those books were ever read to them. The parents never had books in their house, which is something completely alien to me.
#53
Kicking them out at 18
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Not every kid is prepared to walk out the door at 18. Give them time to adjust to adulthood.
crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
Or alternatively trying to keep them in your house for as long as possible. Personally, I'm out the moment I turn 18
Nykky 3 years ago
For anyone who's discouraged because you're older and living at home still, I'm 30 and not moved out. I was raised very, VERY wrong for who I am, and thus I'm very screwed up and won't be able to move out for...a long time. But it's also a weird us thing for everyone to be expected to move out when they're 18. 1) If family IS so important, why are we encouraged to move as far away as possible? 2) If you really want us to move out, society, then actually make it possible.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I sprinted when I turned 18 but it was totally my choice to move out. I loved my mom dearly, but we had a very hard time getting along. We had a very toxic co-dependent relationship.
#54
amber jewelry spraying whip cream in the mouths of kids in the middle of temper tantrums misspelling common names and complicating others:. Ambyr, Brodyn, Charliquann, Trishtan, Kaylaie, Merriaya, Kaytlyn, Dominique using electronics as a baby sitter. If you aren't with the kid while he is using the 'educational software for genius 2 year olds' then it is basically a babysitter Multiple first names (brandyn Mark, Billey Dominiques unvaccinated kids but then bitching about it when they can't enter public and education services abortion bans
Pandalea 3 years ago
Dominique is a perfectly legit name here in France. One of the very few suitable either for à boy or a girl.
Haywood Jablome 3 years ago
Regardless of how you feel about abortion, I think we can agree that it is the opposite of parenting
PleasantCrocodile 3 years ago
I don't see what's wrong with amber (the stone?) Jewelry. Am I missing something?
charli 3 years ago
that only refers to the teething necklaces people put on their kids, amber jewellery on older people is of course ok
Load More Replies...
Unnamed Hooman 3 years ago
I know someone who’s name is spelled Karsyn instead of Carson or the other common spellings
Carol Emory 3 years ago
And what is with the trend of getting a crying child to stop by throwing a slice of American cheese food on their head. Then the parents laugh about it. Please knock this off. It's rude and immature.
#56
Telling kids they can be anything they want. Your 5’6” kid at 17 will not be drafted for the NBA. Your kid made a C in bio 1 and had to retake chem 1 twice, they’re not going to get into medical school. Your kid plays video games all day, have mountains of soda cans piled up in his room, and wears the same shirt 3 days in a row. They’re not going to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
waddles 3 years ago
imagine how 5 year-old me felt when i was told i could never be a lobster-corn
Adira Bennett 3 years ago
I don't know how I feel about this one. Sometimes a person's path in life doesn't start off the way you'd expect, but they turn out to be really determined and make progress until they achieve their dream. NBA at 5' 6", okay, maybe not. But if your kid wants to be a doctor despite struggling in their first couple science classes, I don't think you should be like, "Well, listen, you're 14 and you had to retake bio... you're never going to be a doctor." If it's not meant to be, the kid will figure it out for themselves soon enough. You don't need to patrol your kid's aspirations and point out to them which ones you believe are bound to fail.
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
Considering Trump, Musk and people alike exist, becoming rich despite being a slob seems to be absolutely possible
Nykky 3 years ago
My parents never told me I could be anything, but never directed me gently towards any special qualities I may have had, so I tried to become a vet...and I could not pass biology. So when I did a turn into psychology, they were confused because I really like animals. But liking something and being able to do the thing are very different things
#57
Leaving them to scream themselves to sleep.
iseefractals 3 years ago
Um....nope! There is a difference between ignoring them all night (i.e not feeding or changing them just because you want a full 8 hours) and letting them figure out how to calm themselves so they don't turn into parasites that scream and cry unless they have 24 hour contact and attention. My son was sleeping through the night by the time he was 3 months old, and on the rare occasions that he did wake up before anyone checked on him, he would be happily gurgling and giggling in his crib.
#58
Looking through the comments I now realize that this is actually a bad parenting trend and I never knew. My parents are unnecessarily hard and strict on me, especially in school. For example, me report card came in recently and they were microanalysing everything. I asked my teachers if my grades were good and they said that my grades were actually way above average and some slightly lower grades are expected (we use the 1-2-3 system), but my parents yelled at me and punished me because my grades weren’t perfect (all 3’s and 4’s [4’s are basically extra credit])
Benski Trenkins 3 years ago
Sorry to hear that. With such a good overall score I woud entourage YouTube to explore the things YouTube excel at to see if you enjoy those fields to pursue a carreer in it. Key words Explore and Encourage.
#59
Unrestricted screen time. Even worse is unrestricted internet access. There is a 7 year old on our street with their own iPhone. I can’t imagine the s**t that kid must encounter.
James016 3 years ago
My 7 year old has an iPhone but it is locked down completely. I think only the BBC Bitesize website is in the allow list for the browser. When 7pm comes around, the phone goes into Downtime so that none of the apps are accessible. He has the phone for some games and music apps
Mara Is… Trying 3 years ago
i used to have a screen time limit, and now i can’t have my phone in my room at night. while it is frustrating at times (i’m 13) i totally understand. both my parents are very strict on social media, i recently got tiktok. despite it being annoying that i can’t have the same things as my friends, i do see how it can protect me, but sometimes i push boundaries in there because i can’t have ton.
Debby Keir 3 years ago
Pushing boudaries is a noble aim for a teen. Push gently, and it may get you nearer to what you want. But like snakes and ladders, if you push too hard or smash those boundaries, you may end up at the beginning. Festina lente - make haste slowly.
Load More Replies... Rens 3 years ago
Our daughter had a mobile phone from the age of 6 because she was a type 1 diabetic. This was at a time when no kids had mobile phones. In my opinion, no child under the age of 18 needs a smartphone and they especially do not need an iPhone or a top of the range Samsung etc. I also don't believe that children should have unlimited internet access; by all means have internet access on the family computer that is in the family room so that the parents can monitor what their children are doing.
#60
Herbal drugs like valerian root, cannabinoids psychoactive or non, kava, kratom etc instead of Dr. Prescription. Melatonin
crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
I'm sort of against this onw- I have insomnia and had to use melatonin for a bit before figuriqng out a natural way that's a lot less intense and hard on the immune system.
Debby Keir 3 years ago
Herbal meds (proper ones) can help kids. Many state of the art meds have a herbal root. Some are even excellent placebos that work like a charm.
oboe lover (he/they <3) 3 years ago
when i was younger my friends and i at school would make it a competition to eat the most melatonin gummies without falling asleep (freshman year lol)
What do you think ?
Øptimist 3 years ago
Saying you'll love your child unconditionally but once they come out as gay, bi, trans, etc etc. you kick them out or something, it just baffles me that parents will be like that! if I EVER have children (probably won't) I'll support them unconditionally if they're part of the LGBTQ+
lauralett50 3 years ago
That makes my heart hurt for you. Sending hugs to you.
Load More Replies... pug nose curly tail 3 years ago
Signing kids up for every single extra curricular activity available so you can post their pics on social media and brag about them while patting yourself on the back for being the "best parent in the world". No you're not. We know what you're doing and it sucks.
madamjoiedumort 3 years ago
Being friends with your kid instead of punishment as needed. This is why we have people refusing to work --theyve been taught that whining gets you what you want.
Lara M 3 years ago
Or they've been taught that they don't need to put up with abusive work conditions?
Load More Replies... Monica Pryts 3 years ago
#40: We trust our kids. We don't trust the people they might encounter.
Meami 3 years ago
Not having consequences for misbehaving or bad choices. It does not teach them how to function in the real world. Also, not teaching them about unforeseen consequences. If your speeding you may get a ticket is the foreseen consequence. Hitting a pedestrian is the unforeseen consequence.
Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
I would add to this putting whatever mental issues you have onto your children. Stop putting them into pageants, forcing them to be part of the family vlog, or trying to make them actors so you can live vicariously through them. Stop blurring the lines between your success and their success and treat them like disappointments if they don't produce results that you can brag about to others as if you did it. Your children shouldn't be a part of your revenue stream and you shouldn't think of them as cash cows or some kind of second chance. Related to that- some single mother's treat their sons almost like their husbands. It comes off as very inappropriate and they can also treat any woman that comes into his life horribly as if he's cheating on you. Men do a different version of this. You ever see those guys who have 'marriage' ceremonies with their daughters to keep them pure? Yeah that's is bat-sh!t crazy. And it all stems from this weird way people inflict their own baggage onto their kids. Stop that.
The Drowning Gorilla 3 years ago (edited)
Not letting them go to school as a "protest." Why should you be punishing kids for something a school district did out of concern for safety?
Øptimist 3 years ago
Saying you'll love your child unconditionally but once they come out as gay, bi, trans, etc etc. you kick them out or something, it just baffles me that parents will be like that! if I EVER have children (probably won't) I'll support them unconditionally if they're part of the LGBTQ+
lauralett50 3 years ago
That makes my heart hurt for you. Sending hugs to you.
Load More Replies... pug nose curly tail 3 years ago
Signing kids up for every single extra curricular activity available so you can post their pics on social media and brag about them while patting yourself on the back for being the "best parent in the world". No you're not. We know what you're doing and it sucks.
madamjoiedumort 3 years ago
Being friends with your kid instead of punishment as needed. This is why we have people refusing to work --theyve been taught that whining gets you what you want.
Lara M 3 years ago
Or they've been taught that they don't need to put up with abusive work conditions?
Load More Replies... Monica Pryts 3 years ago
#40: We trust our kids. We don't trust the people they might encounter.
Meami 3 years ago
Not having consequences for misbehaving or bad choices. It does not teach them how to function in the real world. Also, not teaching them about unforeseen consequences. If your speeding you may get a ticket is the foreseen consequence. Hitting a pedestrian is the unforeseen consequence.
Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
I would add to this putting whatever mental issues you have onto your children. Stop putting them into pageants, forcing them to be part of the family vlog, or trying to make them actors so you can live vicariously through them. Stop blurring the lines between your success and their success and treat them like disappointments if they don't produce results that you can brag about to others as if you did it. Your children shouldn't be a part of your revenue stream and you shouldn't think of them as cash cows or some kind of second chance. Related to that- some single mother's treat their sons almost like their husbands. It comes off as very inappropriate and they can also treat any woman that comes into his life horribly as if he's cheating on you. Men do a different version of this. You ever see those guys who have 'marriage' ceremonies with their daughters to keep them pure? Yeah that's is bat-sh!t crazy. And it all stems from this weird way people inflict their own baggage onto their kids. Stop that.
The Drowning Gorilla 3 years ago (edited)
Not letting them go to school as a "protest." Why should you be punishing kids for something a school district did out of concern for safety?
You May Like Internet Slams Woman’s Homeschooling, Saying It’s Exactly Why Kids Should Attend School 49 Horrible Parenting Mistakes Anyone Should Avoid Doing To Their Children 58 Times Parents Turned Their Crazy Moments Into Funny Tweets This November
Gabija Palšytė
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Evelina Šiukšterytė
Related on Bored Panda
