Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Part of being an adult typically entails an increased number of responsibilities. While they don’t necessarily stand in the way of meeting one’s friends, they might call for a bit more planning and arrangements.
One of such arrangements left this redditor quite baffled after she—the only woman in the friend group without a child—was expected to chip in for the others’ babysitter. Scroll down to find the full story in the OP’s own words below.
Getting together with a friend group tends to become increasingly difficult over time
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This redditor was expected to pitch in for her friends’ babysitter so they could enjoy a kid-free night
Image credits: imustbedead / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: babysitter-payment
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Finding a nanny can sometimes be as difficult as getting the friends together
As people take on more and more responsibilities with age, be it work, family, or other reasons, it might be more and more difficult to maintain friendships—or stay in touch regularly, at least—especially with a big group of people.
If you, as an adult, have tried arranging a get-together with a friend group, you likely know how difficult it can get. (Sometimes even two people are enough to make it impossible to find a date that fits both.) While one friend works a weird schedule, the other one is looking after two kids, the third one is constantly in and out of the country, and the fourth one is busy doing who knows what—getting such a dynamic group together might require all stars to align and three more miracles to happen.
That’s just one example of a group of adults that would likely encounter difficulties trying to end up in the same place at the same time. Others might find it difficult for more comparable reasons, such as kids, for instance, as it was in the OP’s friends’ case, which can be solved by hiring a babysitter.
That might be easier said than done, though. A 2023 survey found that the vast majority of parents face troubles trying to find a person to look after their bundle of joy. Roughly half of the respondents said they get time away from their kids at least once a week, but if it was easier to find a sitter, more than six-in-ten of them reportedly would.
Image credits: Jep Gambardella / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Spending some time away from one’s kids every once in a while might be a good idea
According to the 2023 survey, not being able to find a babysitter affects parents in many ways. For instance, four-in-five of them say that not getting time apart strains the relationship with their partner. Other respondents—nearly 70% of them—believe that spending time away from their kids sometimes is beneficial, because it alleviates the mental load of being a parent.
These reasons arguably make hiring a babysitter, upon finding a suitable one, a worthy investment; even though it seems to be getting more and more expensive. Statista revealed that the annual household expenditure on babysitting and child care has been somewhat steadily growing for the last decade or so (with 2018 and the pandemic years being an exception).
Even though hiring a babysitter can quite significantly add to the parents’ overall expenses of a night out, expecting your childless friend to cover such expenses—even if for the night when it’s her time to pay—might not be fair. At least that’s what the majority of netizens in the comment under the OP’s post believed, and they made sure to let her know.
Fellow netizens shared their opinions in the comments, the OP replied to some of them
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Yikes! I am always surprised by how entitled some people are. Why the hell would you pay for someone else's babysitter? I would die on this hill
I'd die on this hill and all other hills while I'm at it!
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Why not just have the boys' night on a different night so the men can watch the children when it's girls' night and vice-versa?
Gosh, using some logic on them? Not sure that's going to work... Weird that they would think it was the best way of doing it.
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What also strikes me as odd here is that there are no SOs available to babysit (because dad-night is now on the same night) and still the only person with no kids is supposed to pay. What about the other group? Are none of the dads chipping in?
Thought the very same. This reads like they all were single moms, but apparently they aren't.
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That's rather as if the friends hired a limo to get to the restaurant and expected the one who walked to the venue to chip in. No.
Or ordered a bottle of champagne and expect the person who doesn't drink to chip in.
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How about NOT scheduling Girls Night and Boys Night on the same night so you don't need a babysitter at all? How dense can this group be???
I think the decision of hire a babysitter or make the dads babysit is the moms choice, but in no way should be responsibility of the one childless woman. Delusional
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This group of friends is astoundingly so not intelligent. First: why don't the fathers of the children take care of them while mum is out? Secondly: if the fathers are out at the same time as the mums, why don't the fathers chip in also? Thirdly: they should have reached an agreement on childcare costs before leaving someone with the bill for said childcare unawares. These people are entitled, greedy and rude.
I would also point out that this is a lot like the non-drinkers who don't want to split restaurant bills with other people's expensive alcoholic drinks. If you don't use it, you shouldn't have to pay for it, be it alcohol, food or babysitting. This is why I pay my tab and only my tab. No splitting of bills.
That's me. I don't mind paying for a few beers or glasses of wine, but the last time I accepted to split the bill I ended up paying more then twice the price of my meal. When I complained, they told me I don't drink because I don't want to, not due to a medical reason, so it is my fault. Great. Never again.
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So, if their hubbies are also taking advantage of a boys night out, why aren't THEY contributing to the babysitter costs?
I have another question. The dad's have boys night on the same night. Are they contributing to babysitting costs? Sounds like only the moms pay for babysitting. Doesn't that sound unfair? But as for the childless woman, she is not incurring babysitting costs and therefore is exempt. End of discussion.
The audacity... Like, you're the ones who had the kids, so you should be the ones paying for them! Hope OP stands their ground...
What next? Are they going to bill her for the purchase of the outfits they wore to dinner? For mileage and gas to drive to the restaurant? I mean really. There’s a LIMIT to what you can ask your friends to do before they stop being your friends. OP needs to dump this “friend” group, because they’re not friends, they’re users. Bet they ate and drank more than she did too. Nah. Separate checks, and you pay for your own babysitter.
How are they so narrow minded to first think one person pays the whole sitting cost? They're already eating out "free" how is $25 each for the night's babysitting being seen as such a huge imposition? OP didn't hire the sitter... This is stupid. If she has to pay to see her friends I think she needs to find less expensive friends.
None of my friends would ever think to pull s**t like this. Most people wouldn't because it's so stupid and entitled. So, if only one of the five of them had kids would it still be split between the five of them because they get the "pleasure of hanging out" with the one parent? If you choose to become a parent, you're the only one responsible for all that entails. If you wanted "the pleasure of being out without kids" then don't f*****g have kids.
This is like the second time that I have read an article where a person's friend or friends is expecting ridiculous things out of fairness. First, there was the person that expected their visually impaired friend to not drink when they were the designated driver, even though they were paying for a cab and not actually driving. Then there was the bride that expected her friend that was uninvited from her wedding to pay for the bachelorette party and now this. People are expecting too much from their friends.
oh i remember the blind guy! that was crazy, too
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They don't need a sitter at all. Just stagger the boys night and girls night. I get the feeling this has come about because the husbands don't want to babysit their own kids.
Once you do the math, it works out at $100 between 8, not 4... ($12.50). Yeah, they're about to crash their friendship over their entitlement.
My sister's Bachelorette party one women threw a fit because "I'm a single mom I shouldn't have to pay the same amount as the rest of you!" Two years later she's no longer a friend, turns out she's super toxic.
I bet when it's one of the other's turn to pay for dinner and a babysitter all 4 of them pay the sitter for their kid(s), but they thought they'd scam the childless one into paying for all of them.
Something has seemed to sneak through undetected, the fathers get their night out subsidised by the women, they don’t contribute to the child care costs. If needs be why don’t the fathers go out on a different night/day so one parent watches the kid when the other parent is out and then vice versa completely doing away with the need for a babysitter
"Sorry, your crotch goblins are not my responsibility. And I don't think I want the "pleasure" of your entitled company anymore."
You need new friends. It's only 20 bucks a time for you, which would be a nice present for them, if they appreciated it. But if they have expectations without any communication beforehand, they are disrespecting the OP.
Exactly. They should pay for their own crotch goblins, they chose to have them so why should it be the childless friends problem?
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"They do boys night/girls night on the same night to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter." OK, but - and stick with me on this - if you do boys/girls on separate nights, then you don't have to hire a sitter at all...
Everything about this arrangement feels wrong. Why stop at food, or babysitters? Split the whole event! Split cost of food, babysitters, transportation, clothes for the evening, and anything else necessary for the evening..... Seriously why can't each adult pay for their own expenses? I wouldn't have agreed to split the food bill. Someone is bound to take advantage.
Yep! There's always at least one idiot who takes advantage of the situation, or one who refuses to tip.
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You're assuming the fathers and mothers have separate finances. They might not.
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It's time for a new group of friends or a new way to spend your time together.
Paying for the pleasure of someone else's company is called prostitution.
What a bunch of entitled pricks! Stop hanging out with them ASAP. Those are not nice people!
I read all the comments on the OP and most of them here. I can't find a single person who thinks the OP is on the hook for the sitter, so how in the world did she wind up with 4 friends who all think she is (I smell a ring leader here but that's a rabbit hole full of speculation). Someone did say that this was a conversation that should have been had beforehand, but seriously, why would you think of it? If the OP WANTED (and only IF) to pay once in a year, I think that would be incredibly generous, but I'd be leary of that now. The five should continue to take turns paying for the meal and the parents can kick in $25 each time. Easy peasy. No way I'd start this.
NAH YOU NOT A JERK YOU JUST NEED YOU SOME NEW FRIENDS, THEY SOUND F'CKING NARCISSIST WHY WOULD YOU PAY BABYSITTING FEES FOR THEM AN YOU HAVE NO!! KIDS, THAT'S SOME DEMONIC NARCISSIST S**T GIRLFRIEND DON'T WALK YOU NEED TO RUN DA F'CK AWAY FROM THEM
The people who want you to pay for their babysitters need babysitters themselves.
"Guys night is now on the same night because the babysitter has been hired, to explain why the dads aren't around." Say what? So you're subsidizing your GF's night out AND their husband's night out? Are the dads paying anything for the sitter? I've got a better idea. Have the dads' night out on a DIFFERENT night than the moms' night out, and you can save the entire cost of babysitting. Or are the dads refusing to sit when the moms are not at home?
Also, is OP married or have a SO? How would he respond if asked to pay for the guys' night out?
Load More Replies... Wait, you want to get PAID for the *pleasure* of your company? There's a word for that, you know.
NTA. Just because your friends can't keep their knees together, that doesn't mean that you should foot the bill!
The nerve of these "friends" ! I'm a parent of two and I'd never ask my childless friend to pitch in for child care!
100%, NTA, though I agree with the commenter who doubted this situation can be resolved in a satisfying way. One thing that jumped out is that each of her friends being married means the babysitter cost is split with their SO as well, making it doubly absurd to expect OP to pay for a babysitter. But, pointing this out will only create more bad feeling. Her friends suck, sorry she's dealing with this.
4 kids have 4 fathers let them do " free babysitting" for their own children
Lol, single mom here. No way in h311 would I ever expect anyone else to pay for my babysitter.
If the dads are out on the same night, why aren't they chipping in for half the cost? The cost should be split between all of the parents, not dropped on only the moms, and definitely not on the one childfree person in the group.
Ridiculous! Not your friends. Watch each other's kids and leave this person out of it. Actually having to hire a babysitter.
That's how I feel paying a horrendous amount of school tax without having children.
There is a problem with that thinking. Do you want the next generation to be uneducated because only families with kids pay school taxes? Think about always getting incorrect change, because kids never learned to do arithmetic or use calculators. You doctor never learned the basics and is figuring out the dosage on your medicine (by your weight, but can’t calculate or read). And everything else. Oh and since you have no kids you have no say in education (though some parents are working on that, ‘I don’t want MY kid learning that so NO child can.’)
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Shaming a person for not having kids is bad. The other thing that's odd is where's the other parent(s)/partner (if not single) of those gals with kids at?
It said in the post the dad's all go out together for guys night the exact same night as the mamas do.
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No. Childfree people should not be expected to ever pay for childcare costs. If one were to offer, it is a nice offering. But to have it expected is foolish, inconsiderate, and highly offending to assume parents of a child have control of the child free persons budget. People assume childfree living means rolling in the big bucks, why? Prices are the dame when I go to purchase items, it doesn't discount me at a register because I'm childfree. Yet, childfree people also don't get the child tax credits. Ugh. I think no. I think no to the point of changing friend groups on this one.
Here's a crazy idea: have the husbands watch the kids on girls' night and the wives watch the kids on guys' night. Problem solved. No babysitter expense required.
No Ma'am. Folks who have children should stay at home with their children if they can't afford to pay their own baby sitter.
Oh hell no! You're paying for the pleasure of their company by taking your turn paying for dinner. Their kids are their problem! They need to all chip in for their group babysitter, or better yet, instead of scheduling "girls nights" and "boys nights" on the same night to take maximum advantage of the babysitter, schedule them on different nights, so the other parent can stay home with their own kids, then each couple can put the babysitter funds towards securing a babysitter for their own date nights. There are two reasons why people don't have kids: they either don't want them, or they for whatever reason cannot have them. Both of those reasons make it highly inappropriate to ask them to pay for the care of somebody else's kid! In the first reason, it disrespects their choice, and in the second case, it's right down cruel. Maybe you've outgrown this particular crowd.
NTA!!!! The privilege of their company????? GTFO, those are frenemies you don't need..bye,bye Karens
I think they're looking for a way to get you out of the group. You're not responsible for Their babysitter. It wasn't on the agreement to begin with and they certainly didn't discuss it with you prior. The fact that it's the first time when they get a baby sitter at the same time it's your turn to pay for the meal is very telling.
NTA, the parents decision to hire a sitter and allow both parents a night off/out. Assuming 8 individual parents that 12.5$ each. Add in a ninth and that is 11.11$, but they should have "broached" the idea with you at a previous dinner. Next time you go out ask how the husbands are contributing to the sitter fee/ why not alternate parenting duties and save the sitter fee.
Nice friends you got there. Not!! Why expect the friend without children to pay for the babysitter? Not your Circus. Not your monķeys. They chose to have children and I congratulate them, because I love being a Momma and Grandmother, but I would never expect any of my friends who didn't have children to pay for the babysitter for my daughter or grandchildren. If I didn't have the money to pay a sitter or share for the sitter, then I wouldn't go out, or see if everyone wanted to gather at my place for lunch and have food that kids like if any are brought because I couldn't afford a sitter and their parent brought them to play with my child and lots of children's activities too and adult activities, or if someone felt comfortable enough, ask one of the friends if she could loan you the sitter cost and you'll pay her back or owe her a favor. There are other ways to handle this situation than to ask your friend with no children to pay for the sitter.
Why is it the women/mothers who are paying for childcare? The "split" should be 50/50 between those two groups. OP needs to find some friends who are not delusional.
So, why don't the girls demand taxi and gas money????? Why don't they demand you pay for their time?
There are words for people who are paid for the pleasure of their company; "friend" isn't one of them.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA breathe HAHAHAHAHAHAHA is the only response for this BS.
I mean I see that splitting costs can be a way for all to work out expenses but you need a fairness since there are enivitibly people who have a higher factor involved and it needs to have an accountability factor. A simple formula works across many types of splits. Individual costs added to total costs ÷ number of personal qualifications for percents. So If the total is 100 and the person has 0 kids then they owe a fair 0%
No, they shouldn’t pay, they should be the ones doing the sitting. Lol just kidding.
all these stories are a function of emotional immaturity. no agreement about how they want their relationship to be with sex, having a child and the changes that will be in the first few years, not imposing ones life decision of having a child on all those around them, most couples struggle in the reality of non-agreements established early, emotional immaturity, no conflict resolution skills or training, not knowing how the heart is vastly different than the head, not understanding what the language of the heart is. if you have a child, its really time to grow up. raising a little human is work! it changes you, and hopefully for the better. Its immaturity to expect sex at the level of a new relationship after birth! Men, if you are reading this...time to grow up and tell your buddies to grow up. an affair is a betrayal and very difficult to overcome and heal from. I've taught Conscious Relationship Practices for over 36 years...becoming a Beloved is a trainable skill set.
NTA. The mothers are acting somewhat entitled, or clueless perhaps, assuming that you began taking turns posting we for the meal prior to the arrival of their kiddos. Or they made be assuming that since you funny have kids you have more fun money and can easily afford the extra $$$$. $25 for each couple should be doable. If not, then the dads should go out s different week than the moms, and they won't need the baby sitter.
Or perhaps renegotiate how dinners, and other expenses,are paid for.
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No! Just no! I have 4 kids, so I alone, would substantially make the cost of a group babysitter more. No way would I think my childless friend should chip in. Nor, would I expect friends who has 1,2,or 3 children to pay the same as me. People are crazy and incredibly entitled.
Hold up! So they want you the childless person to contribute to a babysitter when the dads are also reaping the benefits. Get them to pay! Or alternatively when it’s their turn add in a mani or pedi or something for yourself and ask them to contribute. I know you don’t need it but it’s the principle. So NTA
I would turn them down too! My only child is 21 years old and I'm not about to chip in for babysitting if it's not my own child. A serious communications breakdown for sure, and they need to discuss alternate days for Boys & Girls night (letting them pay for their kid's babysitting, not the person who has no kids).
I was a single parent for many years and going out waa expensive especially with the added cost of sitters. But this is outrageous. I would never expect my friends to pay for my sitters! It was nice when someone offered (especially dates) but I would never assume or expect it much less chastise someone for not paying for a sitter when they don’t even have kids! Unreal. Definitely NTA. The dads should watch the kids and go out on a different night!
My husband and I have two kids and this amount of BS would never have crossed our minds when our kids were younger…our kids, our responsibility… if it was something where we couldn’t take the kids and one of us wasn’t able to sit and we couldn’t get a sitter, we didn’t go. Very simple. One of the things we did to compensate was we invited our friends (whose children were either grown or they had no children) to come over to our house for grilling/potluck and that worked as a good alternative. If your friends need a child-free night out (as every parent definitely does to destress) and they have to get a sitter, that cost is their responsibility as they are the ones with children. 🤦🏽♀️ 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ Big, big NTA
I put a premium on the friendship factor and so wld b willing to pay so we can all meet. W an understanding that if anyone could not pay for financial reasons that the rest of us with pitch into the best of our ability to cover their babysitting. I also believe that the raising of children always falls to 1° another on the support of others. Not wanting children because of the cost involved is understandable.; and unwillingness to modestly financially support those who do have children feels antisocial.
NTA, but I may have a different thought on this than some. Obviously your friends should never have just assumed you were paying the babysittter without discussing that with you. That is rude, disrespectful...well, it's too many things to list. At the same time, it sounds like you have been friends with these women for a long time. So let me ask you this: Is the friendship of these women something you value, want to continue, and worth more to you than an extra $100? If it is, pay the babysitter, think of it as an investment in friendships, let it go, and move on. If not, refuse, quit hanging out with them, and find more thoughtful friends.
no, they don't have children, so shouldn't have to pay for them. just like if everyone else had pudding but they didn't , they shouldn't have to pay for their "share" of that course. also, yes, I get why the girls and boys nights out are in sync to give everyone the night off, BUT. why are the men not paying their share of the babysitting costs too?
Ok the last comment… if OP does do this then They better keep the dog, dogs make emotional attachments Too!!
Maybe it's time for OP to leave this friend group. They are expecting her to pay more than her share just for the pleasure of their company. Just because someone has children doesn't make them special. They chose to have children OP did not, she should not be subsidizing their babysitting expense.
What???????????? Omg I which universe childless people should pay for babysitting?????
If babysitting the kids for a night is $100, and there's five of you, I wouldn't necessarily think it's out of line to expect OP to come up with $20 (along with the rest of the group). But to expect OP to pay the whole hundred, when OP doesn't even have kids, is silly at best, entitled at worst.
Each of the women with children also has a husband/SO who are all out together on the same night. Eight adults are already getting the benefits of the babysitter for only $12.50 a head. The OP would pay $20 for what exactly?
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Nothing surprises me anymore lol... but this one even less. Says a lot about her "friends" to throw tantrums over this. Also its not JUST the girls. What about the guys, and their portion of the tab? So shes effectively paying double since all the guys are getting a free ride too.
My BFF and I do lunch once a month when she's in town. She lives an hour north of me. Meals for both of us run around 70 with tip for both of us. If she pays and I don't have cash, then I pay the next time. Or I bring extra cash. If she brings her kids and grands, it's a given she pays and I give her cash. If I bring mine, same thing. If she gets to go, she pays for it. Same for me. She's my friend, not my mother. And vice versa. Maybe it's time to start separating the check or everyone brings cash for the person paying? And hell to the no that you pay child care. Next time it's your turn to pay, tell them bring the kids and go to McDonald's
There not your friends trying to take the p**s out of her you there your kids you pay for your own babysitters don't give in stand your ground and girl find yourself some new friends they sound like a******s
And hello! It's also the guys night out too? Aren't they chipping in for babysitting? The parents should be splitting the babysitting, that has nothing to do with paying for the dinner.
Then they all get in a wreck on their way home and all children are orphans. The end
I don't get the paying for the drinks either. The price some drinks can be is crazy. I'm with the one commenter, if anyone has more than one child are you suppose to ante up for the added cost? Heck no, time to reschedule the boys and girls nights out so no babysitter is needed
NTA Wow the pleasure of there company that's funny. You don't have kids so it's not your responsibility and there going to have to switch nights when dad's go out so dad's c!n watch there own kids!
So glad I know people who 1) don't really want kids and don't have any 2) would be smart enough to understand that if you don't have the obligation, you don't need to chip in. "Sure you can use our truck to move, but you're gonna be moving all the stuff." "We can totally do a girls' night! I just need to get some money up first to pay for a babysitter." Some people are just so...odd about these things. It goes even beyond entitlement.
First of all, they chose to spread their legs for the selfish act of sex, they get to live with the consequences. Secondly, if they did do boys and girls night out, they wouldn't NEED a sitter to begin with. Is that too much logic for them?
If you think it’s a selfish act you’re doing it wrong.
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This sould have been discussed sooner by everyone. OP didnt know babysitting was included n the group didnt clearify it. No one is the a*s here but they need to better communication skills
I would stand firm weather you ever plan on having kids or not is irrelevant to the situation. The fact is you have your own things to worry about and save money for. They are the ones that decided to have kids and they are lucky because soon it won't be a choice if certain people have anything to say about it. Good for them and good for you for wanting more out of life then just being a server to the status quo. And I'm shocked that 4 kids for 2-3 hours is 100 dollars in my experience and I have two kids it's like 100 dollars each for 2-3 hours. Tell them if they need you to chip in then you want them to chip in on you rent.
Why at all and why every 5th time? 8 adults are sharing the babysitter. Why do the couples only count as one person? Is that the way you divide checks at dinner, 4 couples and 1 single split the check 5 ways?
Load More Replies... Yikes! I am always surprised by how entitled some people are. Why the hell would you pay for someone else's babysitter? I would die on this hill
I'd die on this hill and all other hills while I'm at it!
Load More Replies... Why not just have the boys' night on a different night so the men can watch the children when it's girls' night and vice-versa?
Gosh, using some logic on them? Not sure that's going to work... Weird that they would think it was the best way of doing it.
Load More Replies... What also strikes me as odd here is that there are no SOs available to babysit (because dad-night is now on the same night) and still the only person with no kids is supposed to pay. What about the other group? Are none of the dads chipping in?
Thought the very same. This reads like they all were single moms, but apparently they aren't.
Load More Replies... That's rather as if the friends hired a limo to get to the restaurant and expected the one who walked to the venue to chip in. No.
Or ordered a bottle of champagne and expect the person who doesn't drink to chip in.
Load More Replies... How about NOT scheduling Girls Night and Boys Night on the same night so you don't need a babysitter at all? How dense can this group be???
I think the decision of hire a babysitter or make the dads babysit is the moms choice, but in no way should be responsibility of the one childless woman. Delusional
Load More Replies... This group of friends is astoundingly so not intelligent. First: why don't the fathers of the children take care of them while mum is out? Secondly: if the fathers are out at the same time as the mums, why don't the fathers chip in also? Thirdly: they should have reached an agreement on childcare costs before leaving someone with the bill for said childcare unawares. These people are entitled, greedy and rude.
I would also point out that this is a lot like the non-drinkers who don't want to split restaurant bills with other people's expensive alcoholic drinks. If you don't use it, you shouldn't have to pay for it, be it alcohol, food or babysitting. This is why I pay my tab and only my tab. No splitting of bills.
That's me. I don't mind paying for a few beers or glasses of wine, but the last time I accepted to split the bill I ended up paying more then twice the price of my meal. When I complained, they told me I don't drink because I don't want to, not due to a medical reason, so it is my fault. Great. Never again.
Load More Replies... So, if their hubbies are also taking advantage of a boys night out, why aren't THEY contributing to the babysitter costs?
I have another question. The dad's have boys night on the same night. Are they contributing to babysitting costs? Sounds like only the moms pay for babysitting. Doesn't that sound unfair? But as for the childless woman, she is not incurring babysitting costs and therefore is exempt. End of discussion.
The audacity... Like, you're the ones who had the kids, so you should be the ones paying for them! Hope OP stands their ground...
What next? Are they going to bill her for the purchase of the outfits they wore to dinner? For mileage and gas to drive to the restaurant? I mean really. There’s a LIMIT to what you can ask your friends to do before they stop being your friends. OP needs to dump this “friend” group, because they’re not friends, they’re users. Bet they ate and drank more than she did too. Nah. Separate checks, and you pay for your own babysitter.
How are they so narrow minded to first think one person pays the whole sitting cost? They're already eating out "free" how is $25 each for the night's babysitting being seen as such a huge imposition? OP didn't hire the sitter... This is stupid. If she has to pay to see her friends I think she needs to find less expensive friends.
None of my friends would ever think to pull s**t like this. Most people wouldn't because it's so stupid and entitled. So, if only one of the five of them had kids would it still be split between the five of them because they get the "pleasure of hanging out" with the one parent? If you choose to become a parent, you're the only one responsible for all that entails. If you wanted "the pleasure of being out without kids" then don't f*****g have kids.
This is like the second time that I have read an article where a person's friend or friends is expecting ridiculous things out of fairness. First, there was the person that expected their visually impaired friend to not drink when they were the designated driver, even though they were paying for a cab and not actually driving. Then there was the bride that expected her friend that was uninvited from her wedding to pay for the bachelorette party and now this. People are expecting too much from their friends.
oh i remember the blind guy! that was crazy, too
Load More Replies... They don't need a sitter at all. Just stagger the boys night and girls night. I get the feeling this has come about because the husbands don't want to babysit their own kids.
Once you do the math, it works out at $100 between 8, not 4... ($12.50). Yeah, they're about to crash their friendship over their entitlement.
My sister's Bachelorette party one women threw a fit because "I'm a single mom I shouldn't have to pay the same amount as the rest of you!" Two years later she's no longer a friend, turns out she's super toxic.
I bet when it's one of the other's turn to pay for dinner and a babysitter all 4 of them pay the sitter for their kid(s), but they thought they'd scam the childless one into paying for all of them.
Something has seemed to sneak through undetected, the fathers get their night out subsidised by the women, they don’t contribute to the child care costs. If needs be why don’t the fathers go out on a different night/day so one parent watches the kid when the other parent is out and then vice versa completely doing away with the need for a babysitter
"Sorry, your crotch goblins are not my responsibility. And I don't think I want the "pleasure" of your entitled company anymore."
You need new friends. It's only 20 bucks a time for you, which would be a nice present for them, if they appreciated it. But if they have expectations without any communication beforehand, they are disrespecting the OP.
Exactly. They should pay for their own crotch goblins, they chose to have them so why should it be the childless friends problem?
Load More Replies... "They do boys night/girls night on the same night to take maximum advantage of hiring a sitter." OK, but - and stick with me on this - if you do boys/girls on separate nights, then you don't have to hire a sitter at all...
Everything about this arrangement feels wrong. Why stop at food, or babysitters? Split the whole event! Split cost of food, babysitters, transportation, clothes for the evening, and anything else necessary for the evening..... Seriously why can't each adult pay for their own expenses? I wouldn't have agreed to split the food bill. Someone is bound to take advantage.
Yep! There's always at least one idiot who takes advantage of the situation, or one who refuses to tip.
Load More Replies... You're assuming the fathers and mothers have separate finances. They might not.
Load More Replies... It's time for a new group of friends or a new way to spend your time together.
Paying for the pleasure of someone else's company is called prostitution.
What a bunch of entitled pricks! Stop hanging out with them ASAP. Those are not nice people!
I read all the comments on the OP and most of them here. I can't find a single person who thinks the OP is on the hook for the sitter, so how in the world did she wind up with 4 friends who all think she is (I smell a ring leader here but that's a rabbit hole full of speculation). Someone did say that this was a conversation that should have been had beforehand, but seriously, why would you think of it? If the OP WANTED (and only IF) to pay once in a year, I think that would be incredibly generous, but I'd be leary of that now. The five should continue to take turns paying for the meal and the parents can kick in $25 each time. Easy peasy. No way I'd start this.
NAH YOU NOT A JERK YOU JUST NEED YOU SOME NEW FRIENDS, THEY SOUND F'CKING NARCISSIST WHY WOULD YOU PAY BABYSITTING FEES FOR THEM AN YOU HAVE NO!! KIDS, THAT'S SOME DEMONIC NARCISSIST S**T GIRLFRIEND DON'T WALK YOU NEED TO RUN DA F'CK AWAY FROM THEM
The people who want you to pay for their babysitters need babysitters themselves.
"Guys night is now on the same night because the babysitter has been hired, to explain why the dads aren't around." Say what? So you're subsidizing your GF's night out AND their husband's night out? Are the dads paying anything for the sitter? I've got a better idea. Have the dads' night out on a DIFFERENT night than the moms' night out, and you can save the entire cost of babysitting. Or are the dads refusing to sit when the moms are not at home?
Also, is OP married or have a SO? How would he respond if asked to pay for the guys' night out?
Load More Replies... Wait, you want to get PAID for the *pleasure* of your company? There's a word for that, you know.
NTA. Just because your friends can't keep their knees together, that doesn't mean that you should foot the bill!
The nerve of these "friends" ! I'm a parent of two and I'd never ask my childless friend to pitch in for child care!
100%, NTA, though I agree with the commenter who doubted this situation can be resolved in a satisfying way. One thing that jumped out is that each of her friends being married means the babysitter cost is split with their SO as well, making it doubly absurd to expect OP to pay for a babysitter. But, pointing this out will only create more bad feeling. Her friends suck, sorry she's dealing with this.
4 kids have 4 fathers let them do " free babysitting" for their own children
Lol, single mom here. No way in h311 would I ever expect anyone else to pay for my babysitter.
If the dads are out on the same night, why aren't they chipping in for half the cost? The cost should be split between all of the parents, not dropped on only the moms, and definitely not on the one childfree person in the group.
Ridiculous! Not your friends. Watch each other's kids and leave this person out of it. Actually having to hire a babysitter.
That's how I feel paying a horrendous amount of school tax without having children.
There is a problem with that thinking. Do you want the next generation to be uneducated because only families with kids pay school taxes? Think about always getting incorrect change, because kids never learned to do arithmetic or use calculators. You doctor never learned the basics and is figuring out the dosage on your medicine (by your weight, but can’t calculate or read). And everything else. Oh and since you have no kids you have no say in education (though some parents are working on that, ‘I don’t want MY kid learning that so NO child can.’)
Load More Replies... Shaming a person for not having kids is bad. The other thing that's odd is where's the other parent(s)/partner (if not single) of those gals with kids at?
It said in the post the dad's all go out together for guys night the exact same night as the mamas do.
Load More Replies... No. Childfree people should not be expected to ever pay for childcare costs. If one were to offer, it is a nice offering. But to have it expected is foolish, inconsiderate, and highly offending to assume parents of a child have control of the child free persons budget. People assume childfree living means rolling in the big bucks, why? Prices are the dame when I go to purchase items, it doesn't discount me at a register because I'm childfree. Yet, childfree people also don't get the child tax credits. Ugh. I think no. I think no to the point of changing friend groups on this one.
Here's a crazy idea: have the husbands watch the kids on girls' night and the wives watch the kids on guys' night. Problem solved. No babysitter expense required.
No Ma'am. Folks who have children should stay at home with their children if they can't afford to pay their own baby sitter.
Oh hell no! You're paying for the pleasure of their company by taking your turn paying for dinner. Their kids are their problem! They need to all chip in for their group babysitter, or better yet, instead of scheduling "girls nights" and "boys nights" on the same night to take maximum advantage of the babysitter, schedule them on different nights, so the other parent can stay home with their own kids, then each couple can put the babysitter funds towards securing a babysitter for their own date nights. There are two reasons why people don't have kids: they either don't want them, or they for whatever reason cannot have them. Both of those reasons make it highly inappropriate to ask them to pay for the care of somebody else's kid! In the first reason, it disrespects their choice, and in the second case, it's right down cruel. Maybe you've outgrown this particular crowd.
NTA!!!! The privilege of their company????? GTFO, those are frenemies you don't need..bye,bye Karens
I think they're looking for a way to get you out of the group. You're not responsible for Their babysitter. It wasn't on the agreement to begin with and they certainly didn't discuss it with you prior. The fact that it's the first time when they get a baby sitter at the same time it's your turn to pay for the meal is very telling.
NTA, the parents decision to hire a sitter and allow both parents a night off/out. Assuming 8 individual parents that 12.5$ each. Add in a ninth and that is 11.11$, but they should have "broached" the idea with you at a previous dinner. Next time you go out ask how the husbands are contributing to the sitter fee/ why not alternate parenting duties and save the sitter fee.
Nice friends you got there. Not!! Why expect the friend without children to pay for the babysitter? Not your Circus. Not your monķeys. They chose to have children and I congratulate them, because I love being a Momma and Grandmother, but I would never expect any of my friends who didn't have children to pay for the babysitter for my daughter or grandchildren. If I didn't have the money to pay a sitter or share for the sitter, then I wouldn't go out, or see if everyone wanted to gather at my place for lunch and have food that kids like if any are brought because I couldn't afford a sitter and their parent brought them to play with my child and lots of children's activities too and adult activities, or if someone felt comfortable enough, ask one of the friends if she could loan you the sitter cost and you'll pay her back or owe her a favor. There are other ways to handle this situation than to ask your friend with no children to pay for the sitter.
Why is it the women/mothers who are paying for childcare? The "split" should be 50/50 between those two groups. OP needs to find some friends who are not delusional.
So, why don't the girls demand taxi and gas money????? Why don't they demand you pay for their time?
There are words for people who are paid for the pleasure of their company; "friend" isn't one of them.
Load More Replies... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA breathe HAHAHAHAHAHAHA is the only response for this BS.
I mean I see that splitting costs can be a way for all to work out expenses but you need a fairness since there are enivitibly people who have a higher factor involved and it needs to have an accountability factor. A simple formula works across many types of splits. Individual costs added to total costs ÷ number of personal qualifications for percents. So If the total is 100 and the person has 0 kids then they owe a fair 0%
No, they shouldn’t pay, they should be the ones doing the sitting. Lol just kidding.
all these stories are a function of emotional immaturity. no agreement about how they want their relationship to be with sex, having a child and the changes that will be in the first few years, not imposing ones life decision of having a child on all those around them, most couples struggle in the reality of non-agreements established early, emotional immaturity, no conflict resolution skills or training, not knowing how the heart is vastly different than the head, not understanding what the language of the heart is. if you have a child, its really time to grow up. raising a little human is work! it changes you, and hopefully for the better. Its immaturity to expect sex at the level of a new relationship after birth! Men, if you are reading this...time to grow up and tell your buddies to grow up. an affair is a betrayal and very difficult to overcome and heal from. I've taught Conscious Relationship Practices for over 36 years...becoming a Beloved is a trainable skill set.
NTA. The mothers are acting somewhat entitled, or clueless perhaps, assuming that you began taking turns posting we for the meal prior to the arrival of their kiddos. Or they made be assuming that since you funny have kids you have more fun money and can easily afford the extra $$$$. $25 for each couple should be doable. If not, then the dads should go out s different week than the moms, and they won't need the baby sitter.
Or perhaps renegotiate how dinners, and other expenses,are paid for.
Load More Replies... No! Just no! I have 4 kids, so I alone, would substantially make the cost of a group babysitter more. No way would I think my childless friend should chip in. Nor, would I expect friends who has 1,2,or 3 children to pay the same as me. People are crazy and incredibly entitled.
Hold up! So they want you the childless person to contribute to a babysitter when the dads are also reaping the benefits. Get them to pay! Or alternatively when it’s their turn add in a mani or pedi or something for yourself and ask them to contribute. I know you don’t need it but it’s the principle. So NTA
I would turn them down too! My only child is 21 years old and I'm not about to chip in for babysitting if it's not my own child. A serious communications breakdown for sure, and they need to discuss alternate days for Boys & Girls night (letting them pay for their kid's babysitting, not the person who has no kids).
I was a single parent for many years and going out waa expensive especially with the added cost of sitters. But this is outrageous. I would never expect my friends to pay for my sitters! It was nice when someone offered (especially dates) but I would never assume or expect it much less chastise someone for not paying for a sitter when they don’t even have kids! Unreal. Definitely NTA. The dads should watch the kids and go out on a different night!
My husband and I have two kids and this amount of BS would never have crossed our minds when our kids were younger…our kids, our responsibility… if it was something where we couldn’t take the kids and one of us wasn’t able to sit and we couldn’t get a sitter, we didn’t go. Very simple. One of the things we did to compensate was we invited our friends (whose children were either grown or they had no children) to come over to our house for grilling/potluck and that worked as a good alternative. If your friends need a child-free night out (as every parent definitely does to destress) and they have to get a sitter, that cost is their responsibility as they are the ones with children. 🤦🏽♀️ 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ Big, big NTA
I put a premium on the friendship factor and so wld b willing to pay so we can all meet. W an understanding that if anyone could not pay for financial reasons that the rest of us with pitch into the best of our ability to cover their babysitting. I also believe that the raising of children always falls to 1° another on the support of others. Not wanting children because of the cost involved is understandable.; and unwillingness to modestly financially support those who do have children feels antisocial.
NTA, but I may have a different thought on this than some. Obviously your friends should never have just assumed you were paying the babysittter without discussing that with you. That is rude, disrespectful...well, it's too many things to list. At the same time, it sounds like you have been friends with these women for a long time. So let me ask you this: Is the friendship of these women something you value, want to continue, and worth more to you than an extra $100? If it is, pay the babysitter, think of it as an investment in friendships, let it go, and move on. If not, refuse, quit hanging out with them, and find more thoughtful friends.
no, they don't have children, so shouldn't have to pay for them. just like if everyone else had pudding but they didn't , they shouldn't have to pay for their "share" of that course. also, yes, I get why the girls and boys nights out are in sync to give everyone the night off, BUT. why are the men not paying their share of the babysitting costs too?
Ok the last comment… if OP does do this then They better keep the dog, dogs make emotional attachments Too!!
Maybe it's time for OP to leave this friend group. They are expecting her to pay more than her share just for the pleasure of their company. Just because someone has children doesn't make them special. They chose to have children OP did not, she should not be subsidizing their babysitting expense.
What???????????? Omg I which universe childless people should pay for babysitting?????
If babysitting the kids for a night is $100, and there's five of you, I wouldn't necessarily think it's out of line to expect OP to come up with $20 (along with the rest of the group). But to expect OP to pay the whole hundred, when OP doesn't even have kids, is silly at best, entitled at worst.
Each of the women with children also has a husband/SO who are all out together on the same night. Eight adults are already getting the benefits of the babysitter for only $12.50 a head. The OP would pay $20 for what exactly?
Load More Replies... Nothing surprises me anymore lol... but this one even less. Says a lot about her "friends" to throw tantrums over this. Also its not JUST the girls. What about the guys, and their portion of the tab? So shes effectively paying double since all the guys are getting a free ride too.
My BFF and I do lunch once a month when she's in town. She lives an hour north of me. Meals for both of us run around 70 with tip for both of us. If she pays and I don't have cash, then I pay the next time. Or I bring extra cash. If she brings her kids and grands, it's a given she pays and I give her cash. If I bring mine, same thing. If she gets to go, she pays for it. Same for me. She's my friend, not my mother. And vice versa. Maybe it's time to start separating the check or everyone brings cash for the person paying? And hell to the no that you pay child care. Next time it's your turn to pay, tell them bring the kids and go to McDonald's
There not your friends trying to take the p**s out of her you there your kids you pay for your own babysitters don't give in stand your ground and girl find yourself some new friends they sound like a******s
And hello! It's also the guys night out too? Aren't they chipping in for babysitting? The parents should be splitting the babysitting, that has nothing to do with paying for the dinner.
Then they all get in a wreck on their way home and all children are orphans. The end
I don't get the paying for the drinks either. The price some drinks can be is crazy. I'm with the one commenter, if anyone has more than one child are you suppose to ante up for the added cost? Heck no, time to reschedule the boys and girls nights out so no babysitter is needed
NTA Wow the pleasure of there company that's funny. You don't have kids so it's not your responsibility and there going to have to switch nights when dad's go out so dad's c!n watch there own kids!
So glad I know people who 1) don't really want kids and don't have any 2) would be smart enough to understand that if you don't have the obligation, you don't need to chip in. "Sure you can use our truck to move, but you're gonna be moving all the stuff." "We can totally do a girls' night! I just need to get some money up first to pay for a babysitter." Some people are just so...odd about these things. It goes even beyond entitlement.
First of all, they chose to spread their legs for the selfish act of sex, they get to live with the consequences. Secondly, if they did do boys and girls night out, they wouldn't NEED a sitter to begin with. Is that too much logic for them?
If you think it’s a selfish act you’re doing it wrong.
Load More Replies... This sould have been discussed sooner by everyone. OP didnt know babysitting was included n the group didnt clearify it. No one is the a*s here but they need to better communication skills
I would stand firm weather you ever plan on having kids or not is irrelevant to the situation. The fact is you have your own things to worry about and save money for. They are the ones that decided to have kids and they are lucky because soon it won't be a choice if certain people have anything to say about it. Good for them and good for you for wanting more out of life then just being a server to the status quo. And I'm shocked that 4 kids for 2-3 hours is 100 dollars in my experience and I have two kids it's like 100 dollars each for 2-3 hours. Tell them if they need you to chip in then you want them to chip in on you rent.
Why at all and why every 5th time? 8 adults are sharing the babysitter. Why do the couples only count as one person? Is that the way you divide checks at dinner, 4 couples and 1 single split the check 5 ways?
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