“I Serve My Husband”: Tradwife Who Used To Be A Radical Feminist Opens Up About New Lifestyle

Isadora Borghi left her Brazilian-Italian parents a few months before her 18th birthday, to go live with her husband. The university-educated woman, who at first embraced equality between genders and even considered herself a radical feminist at one point, underwent a dramatic change of heart and, like many others, joined a new wave of women identifying themselves as “tradwives.”

In 2020, the BBC unveiled the #TradWives movement, describing it as a growing movement of women who promote ultra-traditional gender roles.

The term “tradwife” (from traditional wife) has been particularly controversial because of its associations with the far right, especially in the USA, the BBC reported. But many self-described tradwives have rejected that association.

Isadora has described herself as a full-time homemaker, dedicating her time to taking care of her home, “serving” her husband, and being a “servant of Jesus.”

The 25-year-old leads a tradwife lifestyle, which she defines as an expression that typically refers to a woman who assumes roles and responsibilities considered traditional within the context of marriage in modern society. 

This may include dedication to the home, family, and childcare, as well as deference to the husband’s role as the primary provider for the family and biblical values as a guide for virtues.

Tradwives are typically expected to submit to their husbands and serve their spouses and their families.

Isadora Borghi left her family a few months before her 18th birthday to live with her husband, embracing the controversial “tradwife” lifestyle

Image credits: virtuousbelle_

One may wonder why a woman living in a Western country who spent years studying to finally graduate with a degree in architecture and urbanism would opt for a life that seemingly reduces her opportunities.

Isadora has expressed contentment with her choice, but she didn’t always think like this: “I hated the idea of becoming a mother and advocated being a successful professional while wishing my husband would take on household responsibilities.”

The Italian-Brazilian grew up in a family with conservative values but expanded her views of the world once she attended school where she became influenced by her teachers and peers.

Isadora, who runs the Virtuous Belle Instagram page, even encountered feminism, which further shaped her personality.

In 2017, the content creator left her parents’ house to explore life beyond the boundaries imposed by her family, she said.

The term “tradwife” (from traditional wife) has been particularly controversial because of its associations with the far-right

Image credits: virtuousbelle_

She traveled to Barcelona, Spain, where she ended up marrying her husband, Lucas, who was 19 at the time, a decision she explained as: “Far from my family, feeling rebellious and defiant, I longed for an illusory freedom.”

Struggling with her marriage, where she said the “roles were reversed,” in addition to finding meaning in her life, Isadora said she sank into a deep depression.

“I felt ugly, my marriage was on the brink of collapse, my relationship with my family was terrible, and I was completely estranged from God and my faith,” Isadora told Bored Panda in an email.

A former avid feminist book reader, Isadora considered herself a “radfem” (radical feminist) but continued to feel unsatisfied with her life.

“I believed there was some kind of conspiracy of all the men in the world to dominate and oppress women, which they call patriarchy,” Isadora said. 

Isadora embraces conservative values, aligning with center-right or right-wing politicians, but distances herself from far-right movements

Image credits: virtuousbelle_

Defining patriarchy, renowned American sociologist Allan Johnson wrote: “Patriarchy does not refer to any man or collection of men, but to a kind of society in which men and women participate.

“A society is patriarchal to the degree that it promotes male privilege by being male-dominated, male-identified, and male-centered. 

“It is also organized around an obsession with control and involves as one of its key aspects the oppression of women.”

The societal structure has been proven to manifest in various ways across the globe, impacting women’s opportunities and rights. 

Evidence of patriarchy can be seen in gender-based disparities in employment, education, and healthcare. 

Isadora said she was once a “radical feminist”

I’ve always understood feminism to be based on the idea that women should be free to choose their own life paths.

Childless girlboss CEO? Go for it. Tradwife with six kids? Go for it. Somewhere in between? Go for it.

The freedom to choose was the whole point, no?

— Angel Eduardo (@StrangelEdweird) May 16, 2024

For example, women earn significantly less than men globally, often due to discriminatory practices and the undervaluation of work traditionally performed by women, as per the Organization for World Peace (OWP).

Additionally, the United Nations’ Women entity states that women face higher levels of poverty and food insecurity compared to men, which is exacerbated by societal and structural biases.

The prevalence of gender-based violence and restrictions on women’s participation in certain industries further highlight the entrenched nature of patriarchal systems. 

These inequalities are not confined to developing nations; even in developed countries, women encounter significant barriers due to patriarchal norms, such as the motherhood penalty and under-representation in leadership roles, the OWP states.

Nevertheless, Isadora’s feminist studies prompted a confrontational attitude in her life, often challenging society.

The #TradWives movement has grown in popularity on social media

All of these women are making money from social media but for some reason they’re being labeled tradwives or they self identify as tradwives.

Maybe they should be called neo tradwives. I would consider a real tradwife to be a wife who financially depends on her husband pic.twitter.com/9s5sWWjCHd

— Camellia (@Camelliaalexa) May 15, 2024

“This behavior at the time destroyed the unity of my family, made me incredibly uglier, and left marks in time that I honestly wish I could erase,” the influencer admitted.

She explained that her feminist beliefs led her to become unable to relax for fear of being oppressed by men until she read a book about femininity that highlighted women’s privilege.

“I no longer wanted to be unhappy alongside feminists who constantly devalued the essence of femininity,” Isadora said. “From that moment on, everything changed completely in my life.”

Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive, and many scholars and feminist activists emphasize that embracing femininity does not contradict feminist principles. 

Feminism advocates for gender equality and the dismantling of patriarchal structures, but it also supports individual freedom and expression, including the choice to embody traditionally feminine traits if one desires. 

Isadora’s journey led her to dedicate herself to homemaking and serving her husband, diverging from her initial career aspirations

I love seeing women choosing a traditional path.

The tradwife trend is REAL‼️ pic.twitter.com/wEjM1TvMmB

— eve (@eveforamerica) May 13, 2024

Contemporary feminism recognizes the diversity of women’s experiences and identities, including the coexistence of femininity and feminist ideals, as exemplified by Patricia Lewis’ Feminism, Post-Feminism, and Emerging Femininities in Entrepreneurship.

But to Isadora, feminism and feminity couldn’t coexist, and separating both entities positively transformed her marriage and relationships, she said.

“Most importantly, I found God,” the tradwife revealed. “He was responsible for directing me [to] the purpose of my life.”

People turn to religion for various reasons, such as relying on a framework for understanding life’s challenges and uncertainties and helping individuals cope with stress and adversity, Psychology Today reported in 2017.

Verywell Mind reported in 2022 that many people find in religion a strong sense of belonging and community. 

Despite her educated background, Isadora found fulfillment in traditional gender roles and biblical values

I’m Latino so I grew up with that tradwife family structure, I’ve seen how miserable it makes people. The woman’s dreams and hopes for her life that get destroyed.

The conservative men desperate to tell women to embrace this lifestyle are doing it to serve their own insecurity.

— Hillcrest Card Company 🏳️‍🌈🍉🏳️‍⚧️ (@HillcrestCardCo) May 17, 2024

Additionally, Pew Research found in 2015 that religion addresses fundamental questions about existence, purpose, and the afterlife, providing answers and a sense of meaning that secular perspectives might not offer. 

“Before, I tried to be a poorly finished man,” Isadora confessed, adding that this state of mind consumed and fatigued her.

Lucas, who is now 25, and Isadora have since moved to rural Southern Oklahoma, USA, where the couple live and work on a ranch.

Isadora’s husband is a cowboy who trains horses and works every day of the week, including Saturdays and Sundays, while Isadora sometimes takes on architectural projects. But mostly, Isadora devotes her life to being a homemaker.

“Our mornings start before 6 a.m., as he needs to be at work very early,” the dedicated wife explained. “We wake up together, and while he gets ready, I also get myself ready because I like to always look beautiful for him.”

Contrary to stereotypes, feminism, and femininity can coexist, though Isadora saw them as incompatible

@gwenthemilkmaid we love a good man over here 👼🏼 #femininenotfeminist #tradwife #traditionalmarriage #50shousewife ♬ original sound – Alfelion

She described a typical day as Lucas’ tradwife, consisting of making his breakfast, packing his lunch, studying the Bible together, and praying before he heads to his job at the ranch.

Isadora takes on the household chores, which encompasses cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and preparing meals.

Nevertheless, the committed partner still enjoys partaking in academic activities, “exploring courses, books, and studies, as well as discovering new recipes and refining [her] culinary skills.”

Occasionally, Isadora assists Lucas on the ranch. Yet, she unfailingly ensures that she’s prepared to welcome her husband with dinner.

“We highly value our evenings together, dedicating quality time to activities such as watching movies or series, reading books, [and] enjoying tea or hot chocolate (depending on the season) on the porch while he plays the guitar,” Isadora said.

The resurgence of anti-feminist sentiments, as observed by scholars, intersected with digital culture and lifestyle movements

@jeanne.spear1 Galatians/3/28 #tradwife #tradwifecontroversy #tradwifey #feminist #tradwifelife #tradwifetok ♬ Marry Me (feat. Toya Wright) – Rasheeda

She added: “We choose to limit phone and technology use exclusively for work, study, and communication with family.

“When we are together, we prioritize personal interaction.”

The couple, who both love nature, spend a significant amount of time on their religion, in addition to finding ways of enjoying outdoor activities and doing sports together.

“One of the special moments we share is watching the sunset, strengthening our connection,” Isadora said.

In this way, Borghis’ relationship might resemble any 21st-century couple from romantic movies. 

Married to Lucas, a cowboy in rural Southern Oklahoma, Isadora found meaning in her role as a “homemaker”

tradwife anthem pic.twitter.com/fzV01Mzvpf

— levy (@1929stockcrash) April 30, 2024

However, Isadora’s tradwife lifestyle, combined with her strong Christian identity, makes her relationship distinctly different from the modern couples we typically see, where gender roles have become less heteronormative.

In fact, Isadora no longer believes in gender equality.

“It’s an endless struggle because men and women are different; we need to stop frantically seeking an equality that doesn’t exist and instead strive for equity between complementary opposites that together build something much greater and higher than [when they are] alone,” she explained. 

Being a mother and a homemaker are the most important roles in society, Isadora said she believed, and she argued feminism promoted a disdain for such occupations.

Feminism is not inherently opposed to stay-at-home moms. In fact, feminist discourse supports the right of women to make choices that best suit their lives and families, including the choice to be a stay-at-home mother. 

Evidence of patriarchy can be seen in gender-based disparities in employment, however, Isadora no longer believes patriarchy exists

The Trad-est of the Tradwives. pic.twitter.com/dhTBEHojuu

— The Raymond G Stanley Jr (@raymondgstanley) May 21, 2024

Feminism advocates for the valuation of unpaid domestic labor and the recognition of caregiving roles, as highlighted in Ms. Magazine.

According to Isadora, to become a tradwife, a woman needs to develop domestic and intellectual skills, cultivate a mindset of service and sacrifice, and be willing to dedicate time and energy to caring for the home and family.

However, not all tradwives need to be Christian. Isadora noted: “The degree of traditionalism can vary from one culture to another and over time, reflecting the different ways traditions are understood and valued in different social contexts. 

“Conservative values are linked to local traditions.

“Therefore, they are not a closed set of ideas. 

“Before, I tried to be a poorly finished man,” Isadora told Bored Panda

@esteecwilliams What it means to be a Tradwife. #fyp #tradwife #homemaking #housewife #traditional #tradwifecontroversy #womenschoice ♬ Music Instrument – Gerhard Siagian

“They vary according to place and time. 

“For example, French conservatism may be different from Brazilian or Indian conservatism, as each society has its own traditions and customs.”

There are currently 59.3 million posts under the hashtag “tradwife” on TikTok, and the movement is continuously attracting new users.

In a 2022 paper, lecturer Megan Zahay, from the Department of Communication Arts at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, suggested that one reason for the resurgence of anti-feminist populism seen in the digital age is that influencers use this lifestyle aesthetic to attract viewers and build communities.

Megan observed tradwives as a growing alt-right (an American far-right movement) community on YouTube, sharing videos about femininity, beauty, and relationships. 

As a result, viewers who seek out these channels for clothing or hair styling tips may leave with another kind of styling: populist messaging that frames feminism as an elitist threat to the “real” femininity of everyday women. 

“I hold conservative values and support politicians who defend the same values as I do, most of whom are center-right or right-wing,” Isadora admitted but denied being involved with any far-right movements.

People have been divided about the tradwife movement

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