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636
Woman Cooks For Her SIL Every Day, Gets Complaints About The Meals Being Too “Bourgeois”
Family isn’t just for having dinner on holidays; they also look out for each other when times get tough.
So, after Reddit user South_Arrival_7036 learned that her sister had an accident and was forced to switch to a lower-paying job, she started making her sibling lunch, and her husband began delivering them on his commute.
However, the woman recently found out that her sister’s colleagues have been giving her a hard time because they find the meals too fancy.
RELATED:
This woman cooked and packed her sister lunch every day
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
And was very surprised when the sister told her that she was putting too much effort into the meals
Image credits: Amanda Quintana-Bowles / Flickr (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leeloo The First / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: South_Arrival_7036
Maybe the lunches are just the tip of the iceberg
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
While it might be easy to brush off the sister’s demands as irrational nonsense, they might be just a result of a wider problem. Bear with me.
We spend so much of our time at work and grant it so much of our mental capacity, so of course we want to feel like we belong and are well-liked.
According to sociologist Tracy Brower, PhD, loneliness can affect us in many different ways:
- We might lack motivation to do things with others or to be active in our everyday tasks;
- We might struggle to feel engaged at work—feeling outside of the team or the project—or feel like we lack the energy to get our work done;
- We might lose the desire to learn new things, grow, or seek challenges—all of which are important to our happiness and our career advancement;
- We might experience a loss of hope for the future or a loss of vision for what will come next;
- Our performance may suffer because we aren’t investing in today’s responsibilities or taking initiative toward tomorrow’s;
- Our relationships may suffer if we fail to follow through or deliver on commitments, or as we lose motivation to invest in relationships.
So even if we aren’t interested in having a work bestie, meaningful relationships with the people we earn our living with are still very important. And if the sister’s lunches are being widely mocked even now that she’s been working at the company for a few years, it might be because she’s not fitting in on a broader level.
Many of us should be able to relate to her. Research from Utah State University’s Jon M. Huntsman School of Business indicates that 66% of employees experience some form of ostracism at work.
In fact, their findings also show that of the respondents who said they had experienced some form of workplace ostracism, 68% also reported feeling burned out at home. Furthermore, 82% of their spouses reported that the worker engaged in family undermining at home (e.g., acting in an unpleasant or angry manner when they come home from work, or taking out work frustrations on family members). What’s more, 70% of those spouses indicated that they then felt burned out by family life.
This means that it very well might be that the whole thing is being blown out of proportion as a result of a negative cycle initiated by the sister’s coworkers.
After reading the story, most people said that its author didn’t do anything wrong
But a few said she should respect her sister’s wishes
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What do you think ?
Seedy Vine 1 year ago
It's concerning that SIL doesn't want ANYBODY enjoying OP's heart-felt lunches. Seems pretty controlling. I don't know how cool I'd be about someone like that watching my kid.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 1 year ago
The only other thing I can think of is that it may be some strange form of sibling rivalry wherein the SIL is jealous that her brother has someone in his life that tends towards caretaking when she seemingly had to muddle through an illness alone. Either way, complaining that something is bougie (I think the SIL actually means 'pretentious') is so odd that there has to be an underlying issue at play.
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Julia H 1 year ago
Bourgeois means middle class. Not fancy. She must be getting bullied for happy faces in her lunch, perhaps comparing her lunch to a child's lunch
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
If it’s bothering her then SIL can remove the decorations from her lunch before getting to work.
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Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
I don't think the sister-in-law really understands what the term bourgeoisie actually means. I'd say if you're going to be that unreasonable and ungrateful, time to cut you off free lunches altogether but, if you're getting free childcare out of the deal, maybe just suck it up. Find a way more obvious method to extraordinarily clearly Mark which package is for her so there's no mix-up, and just make hers super simple. There's more going on here than offense taken at a seaweed shaped heart on top of your lunch.
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
OP shouldn’t change how she makes lunch. Knowing how it’s upsetting his sister, her husband needs to take one second to read the labels. Or sister can open the box and remove the “bourgeois decorations” before going to work. It’s not that big of a deal.
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Louise Brown 1 year ago
I feel like some of those yta folks didn't read all the way. Or at all, past the title. Yes it's an easy solution to stop making her food fancy, that's why she stopped making her food fancy. She absolutely shouldn't have be dictated to about her own food though, which is where the problem lies.
Fora Nakit 1 year ago
Why is everybody focused on lunches instead on SIL? She is a low-income woman with an injury who managed to get a job despite of it. She probably can't afford to lose her job which makes her a perfect target for bullying and that's most likely what's going on. She's just trying to avoid bullies at work.
Judes 1 year ago
So why doesn't she open up the lunch before she gets to work and remove the 'flourish'? If she has bullies, then being a bully to her SIL isn't a practical solution.
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lemonaardvark 1 year ago
This is weird and dumb. Don't bring her lunch. And try to find out what's really going on with her and talk to her more.
Helena 1 year ago
I'm guessing she's catching some kind of flack at work about her lunches. So while appreciated, probably causing some kind of issue. I can't imagine having someone give make me lunch on the regular anyway.
CNHunt 1 year ago
Why would adults judge another adults lunch why do they care? Its so immature and whats wrong with someone that cares for you helping you. My husband did it all the time. I appreciated it 1 less thing to worry about.
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Beak Hookage 1 year ago
How is putting a cute little loveheart on the food "bourgeois" anyway? It's not as if it's a gourmet five star restaurant; it's a little decoration which makes it more personal. Having such an over the top reaction to something so trivial is just bizarre. It's clear enough the sister in law is just taking something out on the poster which has nothing to do with seaweed lovehearts.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I have been given flack over rockets and mustard. I can imagine people getting weird about seaweed. Some people just cannot stand to be happy and need to make sure that nobody else is happy either. SIL is definitely getting bullied. Especially if her coworkers have heard about her new job is essentially a demotion. People love taking out their grievances on people who have "fallen from grace".
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Sweetie Dahling 1 year ago
I showed my husband this post and now calling each other's food 'bourgeois' has become our new inside joke
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
I don't think she should even bother making lunch for the SIL. But if she continues, I would go even more over the top. Get those wind-up butterflies that fly up when you open the box, or one of those springy snakes that jumps out. If she gets mad again, the next lunch comes with a glitter bomb!
les 1 year ago
where does the sil work? if its somewhere blue collar she may be feeling like she stands out more because of the lunches. for example, if she's a zero hours casual worker turning up with a fancy looking lunch could make it look like shes making fun of the other workers or trying to make herself look more important than her collegues. it could even be bullying at her work over fancy lunches or maybe the sister is an introvert and wants to blend in rather than look like she's trying to be something ele. the story only has one side and thers lots that could cause luch to be embarrasing
Helen Taylor 1 year ago
I am glad that the OP is considering her SIL's other behaviors. Whatever is going on, it is worth checking out. There's something wrong at work that her lunches are an issue. Hope she can find out what's going on with good conversation.
Wendy Herman 1 year ago (edited)
I agree that there's likely something else going on here... 1) It could be that she's suffering some post-injury depression. It must be hard, adjusting to new limitations & unable to easily do what she once could. Some people also detest being on the *receiving* end of charity, even when they need it. Counseling may help her. 2) Could she possibly have a Work Bully, equipped w/ Flying Monkeys? Earlier in my career, I dealt w/ such an "office terrorist" & it STINKS. Perhaps a chat w/ HR might be advisable. But seeking a new job elsewhere will likely bring better results (HR is there to protect the co., 99.98% of the time). 3) Another solution could be to pack her lunch in an old-fashioned metal lunchbox, like most of us carried in 2nd grade. Maybe something w/ Scooby-Doo or the Brady Bunch. Whatever the cause, she's acting like a 7 y.o., refusing to talk it out w/ you. Force that convo, using both good humor & compassion. No need for you to give up your *Wonderfully Thoughtful* hobby.
Andrea C 1 year ago
Protecting the company includes ensuring that employees have a workplace free of bullying and harassment.
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Cedar Trees 1 year ago
I think you are missing the issue here. Your SIL noted fellow workers are giving her a problem re fancy lunches. This is a hostile work environment. SIL is being bullied & ridiculed at the very least. Work place culture is tricky especially when there are a bunch of queen bees who mgt won't reign in. It sounds like it is a petty vicious place to work. HR/mgt have not intervened so far so unless there is a lawsuit for abuse/lack of protection for a disabled person (your SIL's diminished capacity as a wage earner due to injury)....it won't change. Her self esteem is certainly impacted by your notes here. Help her get another job & report abuse to HR/mgt. Get an attorney involved. Support her. This really isn't about you. Your SIL is desperately trying to survive in a bad work environment w/little to no options. She isn't handling it well. She hasn't thought of rearranging your food or taking something else for lunch/eating yours for dinner. That's how beaten down she is.
Hey! 1 year ago
Anyone else noticed OP started with "a few years ago" and then finishes with "a few months ago"? Does that means she's been making her SIL lunches for a few years before SIL complained?
day light 1 year ago
I suspect it's ragebait/karma farming. we have it all: the pure angel OP who could do nothing wrong and helps those in need, the stupid ungrateful AH (the amount of times OP points out that SIL calls the food "bourgeois" is enough proof to see they're trying to write her to be stupid), the strange inconsistencies with time, the thinly veiled plotholes (what do you mean hubby occasionally mixes up two different, labeled lunchboxes because his commute is stressful), the severely demanding ultimatum for one or two little mistakes... it screams "this is so fake but people will comment on it anyways" because it's so surreal and enraging
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Tina Marie 1 year ago
I hope OP can have a private, personal conversation with SIL. It's not about the lunches. Not really. I see a lot of love in this family. Communication is key. I think SIL is hurting about some things, and the lunches somehow got entangled. I suspect she's a little embarrassed, and may even feel "shown up" a bit, on top of possibly bigger issues. A heart to heart talk is in order. I am glad you have so much love in your soul and in your family❤🙏
Phil Sikora 1 year ago
I would be concerned that out of character could be caused by a brain cancer or brain inflammation. Sudden changes in character can be a symptom of a brain medical issue
Dawn Harris 1 year ago
That's a very real possibility. My paternal grandmother was always fastidious, hair and makeup, dressed nicely, etc My mom visited her and she was a mess. Turned out to be a brain tumor You never know
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Ephemera Image 1 year ago
I get the feeling that Sis is a little jealous of the happy family since she's now in a position of having a lower-paying job, no husband, no child, etc, and feels her face is being rubbed in it. Understandable in a way, however, she should be self-aware enough to know she is hurting her relationship with her sister by trying to pretend they are not as happy and fulfilled as they are.
Karen Philpott 1 year ago
I think OP's SIL may ge getting bullied at her work, over her lunches. Yes, very primary school like almost playground stuff, but some adults don't like someone getting something better, bigger, more thoughtful, than they get so they resort to bullying. Time for a heart to heart. It's not you, it's more than likely something happening at work. This " bourgeois" thing is just so ridiculous, I mean who would call it this?! Do they even know what it means? NTA.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Since the SIL is nice in every other way, it may be possible that there's something going on at the new job that's making her do this. She may be getting bullied or something else.
anne chan 1 year ago
Fix the source, not the symptoms. Even if the husband brings the right boxes or SIL takes all the decorations, the source of the problem is still at work. She said that her colleagues complains about her food. Why would colleagues complain about someone else's food? Or why would she care what her colleagues thinks of her food? Unless she is bullied. So even if the SIL gets her lunch the way she wanted, her colleagues will find other reasons to bully her!
Maggie Poling 1 year ago
Knowing that this type of response is out of character for the SIL, would make me want to figure out the why behind it. I think the SIL was out of bounds to ask the wife to stop making sandwiches for her husband and SIL, and I think the husband should have backed up his wife first. But there's clearly something else going on, It seems like everyone should be working together to try to be understanding for every side.
AngelWingsYT 1 year ago
Sounds like the drastic life-change is affecting her more than shes letting on
Christine Stewart 1 year ago
Is hubby being a little bit of a problem too? Oh, gee, even though the lunch boxes are clearly labelled, I "accidentally" keep giving my sister the lunch with the flourishes on them. And what kind of whacko work environment dose the SIL work in, if people are going to criticize a grown woman's lunch. "My brother's wife made this nice lunch for me- What the heck is wrong with you, calling homemade food Bourgeois? I didn't have food delivered from The French Laundry!"
Keith Handly (Ike) 1 year ago
This is so a non-issue. Buying a different lunchbox/lunch bag is not hard or expensive if she still loves her careless stupid husband.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
Sounds like my mother. I'd bring her food I made and then get a call later that she hated it and not to bring it again. I just stopped making food for her. My MIL moved into the cottage on my property when my FIL passed away and I'd bring her food I made and she would call over to the house every single time to thank me and rave about how delicious it was. Needless to say, I adored my MIL and didn't like my mother. My MIL was the mom I never had.
Kathy Kennedy 1 year ago
Start making the plain meals(or maybe even sandwich and soup in a thermos for a bit) just to get her talking. There may be a spectacular Karen/Bully or more than one where she works, her attitude may have much more to do with them rather than you or the meals. She may be trying to shield herself from them or on the other hand she may just desperately be trying to fit into a sandwich or salad kind of work place and while well intended and undoubtedly delicious, your special lunches may mark her as an outsider in her own eyes when all she wants to do is fit in
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Wow, this is ridiculous. This is creating a problem where there is none. OP can just stop making SILs lunch. Or OP's husband can read the labels and make sure he drops off the proper lunch. OR the SIL can check her lunch before leaving for work and remove the embellishment. What is the actual problem here? From what I can see there isn't one at all, but somehow three grown adults can't see the simple solutions right in front of them.
H. B. Nielsen 1 year ago (edited)
Did the YTA folks saying she should not make the lunches like this not read anything she said??? She did stop! Or are they really calling it a simple request to change how she makes her/husband's lunches???? You don't get to demand anything especially in the way she has when someone makes you lunch like that. The person who says I won't talk to you until you do as I say isn't TA? Unbelievable. Also..... Who's judging someone for a heart shape in a lunch???? Even if they are EFF them! If that were the case she needs to take it up with HR and actually handle the bullying. That or remove the things she doesn't want there. I need an update and her husband should have her back 100%.
Sinners1978 1 year ago
As a single gal, I wish someone would make my lunches. And if I was OP I would just be done with it all, no more lunches and find someone else to watch the kid. Seriously just be done woth this SIL that sounds like an annoying brat.
CNHunt 1 year ago
I'm having a hard time believing this, can't believe someone would be that ungrateful.Ok so everyone is focused on the OP fixing lunch or not, the husband giving wrong box (which makes no sense btw). However the real concern is why is her grown coworkers shaming her lunch?! Why she doesn't tell them my sister doing something nice for me mind your business get out my lunch. This work not elementary school. To stop talking to your sister because of it is nuts definitely more to it. Make your own then!!
Your Mom 1 year ago
How do you say in English? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth? She gets free lunches, she should be grateful, and if she doesn't like the fancy stuff, she can just open the box, and get rid of the fanciness, when she takes the box from her brother. If eating fancy is worse than not eating at all, then she should not eat.
DC 1 year ago
So, it's two lunches, then ... or OP is kinda a doormat. Seriously, what is wrong with that? I've done that with stuff I was to eat alone, just for the fun of it. You're doing something nice for her, and whatever is wrong with her to oppose it, even to the point of accepting lunches, yet not talking to you ... what sort of doormat are you? The cleaners ruined my Rolling-Stones-Doormat with bleach, it looks really shiddy now, would you like to reside, flatly so, in front of my door, OP? I might even be hungry at times.
LayDiva in the Zone 1 year ago
I would tell her that she can get her own lunch and make it the best way she can. I don't have time for people and their b******* if you don't like the way I do something, she could fix it herself , and it would take her all the 3 minutes to rearrange the lunch whenever she gets it so you're ungrateful and you're lazy and you don't need to have lunch on me. To all of the YTA folks, this is why you have no friends because you can't see that this SIL is stupid AF and lazy too.
Louise Brown 1 year ago
Also. Bourgeois does not mean what she thinks it means.. It's usually used as I insult by the muckety mucks about the lower (middle) class... If you're gonny be a b***h about something at least use the proper words. If she's getting all fancy lunches made, with all fancy decorations on, that's fancy, not middle class.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I think she meant bougie. Which is the "new" slang for fancy and/or expensive. Think Yankee Candle vs Walmart's own brand or whatever.
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Bewitched One 1 year ago
It is, under the image of the OPs edit. If you aren’t able to see it though: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/N30ncWAHaF
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Binky Melnik 1 year ago
If the snooty people at work are laughing at her middle-class affectations, why on earth is she eating anywhere near them? (I’m assuming her hands are too knotted or otherwise incapable of removing the decorations.) It’s SUCH a simple thing to do that I don’t get it … I really hope she adds an update telling us what bug crawled up SIL’s a*s because I’m curious as hell!
Suzanne Baruch 1 year ago
Something that no one brought up in the comments: the word "bourgeois" is a very outdated, random word to use -- unless one is a Marxist and then it makes sense. It sounds to me as if the SIL has joined some fringe Leftist group. This would also explain why the SIL doesn't want either of them to have these lunches, either. She's condemning their behavior because she deems it politically unacceptable. The OP or her husband needs to have a discussion with this woman about her political beliefs. I suspect this would explain her irrational behavior.
Michael MacKinnon 1 year ago
I don't believe that's the case, Suzanne -- I think this is a UK usage.
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day light 1 year ago
I refuse to believe this story is real and if it was, I still wouldn't be on the SIL's side but entertain me: in what way did she gaslight OP? please, do not throw around words like these if you don't understand them
Load More Replies... Seedy Vine 1 year ago
It's concerning that SIL doesn't want ANYBODY enjoying OP's heart-felt lunches. Seems pretty controlling. I don't know how cool I'd be about someone like that watching my kid.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 1 year ago
The only other thing I can think of is that it may be some strange form of sibling rivalry wherein the SIL is jealous that her brother has someone in his life that tends towards caretaking when she seemingly had to muddle through an illness alone. Either way, complaining that something is bougie (I think the SIL actually means 'pretentious') is so odd that there has to be an underlying issue at play.
Load More Replies... Julia H 1 year ago
Bourgeois means middle class. Not fancy. She must be getting bullied for happy faces in her lunch, perhaps comparing her lunch to a child's lunch
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
If it’s bothering her then SIL can remove the decorations from her lunch before getting to work.
Load More Replies... Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
I don't think the sister-in-law really understands what the term bourgeoisie actually means. I'd say if you're going to be that unreasonable and ungrateful, time to cut you off free lunches altogether but, if you're getting free childcare out of the deal, maybe just suck it up. Find a way more obvious method to extraordinarily clearly Mark which package is for her so there's no mix-up, and just make hers super simple. There's more going on here than offense taken at a seaweed shaped heart on top of your lunch.
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
OP shouldn’t change how she makes lunch. Knowing how it’s upsetting his sister, her husband needs to take one second to read the labels. Or sister can open the box and remove the “bourgeois decorations” before going to work. It’s not that big of a deal.
Load More Replies... Louise Brown 1 year ago
I feel like some of those yta folks didn't read all the way. Or at all, past the title. Yes it's an easy solution to stop making her food fancy, that's why she stopped making her food fancy. She absolutely shouldn't have be dictated to about her own food though, which is where the problem lies.
Fora Nakit 1 year ago
Why is everybody focused on lunches instead on SIL? She is a low-income woman with an injury who managed to get a job despite of it. She probably can't afford to lose her job which makes her a perfect target for bullying and that's most likely what's going on. She's just trying to avoid bullies at work.
Judes 1 year ago
So why doesn't she open up the lunch before she gets to work and remove the 'flourish'? If she has bullies, then being a bully to her SIL isn't a practical solution.
Load More Replies... lemonaardvark 1 year ago
This is weird and dumb. Don't bring her lunch. And try to find out what's really going on with her and talk to her more.
Helena 1 year ago
I'm guessing she's catching some kind of flack at work about her lunches. So while appreciated, probably causing some kind of issue. I can't imagine having someone give make me lunch on the regular anyway.
CNHunt 1 year ago
Why would adults judge another adults lunch why do they care? Its so immature and whats wrong with someone that cares for you helping you. My husband did it all the time. I appreciated it 1 less thing to worry about.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 1 year ago
How is putting a cute little loveheart on the food "bourgeois" anyway? It's not as if it's a gourmet five star restaurant; it's a little decoration which makes it more personal. Having such an over the top reaction to something so trivial is just bizarre. It's clear enough the sister in law is just taking something out on the poster which has nothing to do with seaweed lovehearts.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I have been given flack over rockets and mustard. I can imagine people getting weird about seaweed. Some people just cannot stand to be happy and need to make sure that nobody else is happy either. SIL is definitely getting bullied. Especially if her coworkers have heard about her new job is essentially a demotion. People love taking out their grievances on people who have "fallen from grace".
Load More Replies... Sweetie Dahling 1 year ago
I showed my husband this post and now calling each other's food 'bourgeois' has become our new inside joke
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
I don't think she should even bother making lunch for the SIL. But if she continues, I would go even more over the top. Get those wind-up butterflies that fly up when you open the box, or one of those springy snakes that jumps out. If she gets mad again, the next lunch comes with a glitter bomb!
les 1 year ago
where does the sil work? if its somewhere blue collar she may be feeling like she stands out more because of the lunches. for example, if she's a zero hours casual worker turning up with a fancy looking lunch could make it look like shes making fun of the other workers or trying to make herself look more important than her collegues. it could even be bullying at her work over fancy lunches or maybe the sister is an introvert and wants to blend in rather than look like she's trying to be something ele. the story only has one side and thers lots that could cause luch to be embarrasing
Helen Taylor 1 year ago
I am glad that the OP is considering her SIL's other behaviors. Whatever is going on, it is worth checking out. There's something wrong at work that her lunches are an issue. Hope she can find out what's going on with good conversation.
Wendy Herman 1 year ago (edited)
I agree that there's likely something else going on here... 1) It could be that she's suffering some post-injury depression. It must be hard, adjusting to new limitations & unable to easily do what she once could. Some people also detest being on the *receiving* end of charity, even when they need it. Counseling may help her. 2) Could she possibly have a Work Bully, equipped w/ Flying Monkeys? Earlier in my career, I dealt w/ such an "office terrorist" & it STINKS. Perhaps a chat w/ HR might be advisable. But seeking a new job elsewhere will likely bring better results (HR is there to protect the co., 99.98% of the time). 3) Another solution could be to pack her lunch in an old-fashioned metal lunchbox, like most of us carried in 2nd grade. Maybe something w/ Scooby-Doo or the Brady Bunch. Whatever the cause, she's acting like a 7 y.o., refusing to talk it out w/ you. Force that convo, using both good humor & compassion. No need for you to give up your *Wonderfully Thoughtful* hobby.
Andrea C 1 year ago
Protecting the company includes ensuring that employees have a workplace free of bullying and harassment.
Load More Replies... Cedar Trees 1 year ago
I think you are missing the issue here. Your SIL noted fellow workers are giving her a problem re fancy lunches. This is a hostile work environment. SIL is being bullied & ridiculed at the very least. Work place culture is tricky especially when there are a bunch of queen bees who mgt won't reign in. It sounds like it is a petty vicious place to work. HR/mgt have not intervened so far so unless there is a lawsuit for abuse/lack of protection for a disabled person (your SIL's diminished capacity as a wage earner due to injury)....it won't change. Her self esteem is certainly impacted by your notes here. Help her get another job & report abuse to HR/mgt. Get an attorney involved. Support her. This really isn't about you. Your SIL is desperately trying to survive in a bad work environment w/little to no options. She isn't handling it well. She hasn't thought of rearranging your food or taking something else for lunch/eating yours for dinner. That's how beaten down she is.
Hey! 1 year ago
Anyone else noticed OP started with "a few years ago" and then finishes with "a few months ago"? Does that means she's been making her SIL lunches for a few years before SIL complained?
day light 1 year ago
I suspect it's ragebait/karma farming. we have it all: the pure angel OP who could do nothing wrong and helps those in need, the stupid ungrateful AH (the amount of times OP points out that SIL calls the food "bourgeois" is enough proof to see they're trying to write her to be stupid), the strange inconsistencies with time, the thinly veiled plotholes (what do you mean hubby occasionally mixes up two different, labeled lunchboxes because his commute is stressful), the severely demanding ultimatum for one or two little mistakes... it screams "this is so fake but people will comment on it anyways" because it's so surreal and enraging
Load More Replies... Tina Marie 1 year ago
I hope OP can have a private, personal conversation with SIL. It's not about the lunches. Not really. I see a lot of love in this family. Communication is key. I think SIL is hurting about some things, and the lunches somehow got entangled. I suspect she's a little embarrassed, and may even feel "shown up" a bit, on top of possibly bigger issues. A heart to heart talk is in order. I am glad you have so much love in your soul and in your family❤🙏
Phil Sikora 1 year ago
I would be concerned that out of character could be caused by a brain cancer or brain inflammation. Sudden changes in character can be a symptom of a brain medical issue
Dawn Harris 1 year ago
That's a very real possibility. My paternal grandmother was always fastidious, hair and makeup, dressed nicely, etc My mom visited her and she was a mess. Turned out to be a brain tumor You never know
Load More Replies... Ephemera Image 1 year ago
I get the feeling that Sis is a little jealous of the happy family since she's now in a position of having a lower-paying job, no husband, no child, etc, and feels her face is being rubbed in it. Understandable in a way, however, she should be self-aware enough to know she is hurting her relationship with her sister by trying to pretend they are not as happy and fulfilled as they are.
Karen Philpott 1 year ago
I think OP's SIL may ge getting bullied at her work, over her lunches. Yes, very primary school like almost playground stuff, but some adults don't like someone getting something better, bigger, more thoughtful, than they get so they resort to bullying. Time for a heart to heart. It's not you, it's more than likely something happening at work. This " bourgeois" thing is just so ridiculous, I mean who would call it this?! Do they even know what it means? NTA.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Since the SIL is nice in every other way, it may be possible that there's something going on at the new job that's making her do this. She may be getting bullied or something else.
anne chan 1 year ago
Fix the source, not the symptoms. Even if the husband brings the right boxes or SIL takes all the decorations, the source of the problem is still at work. She said that her colleagues complains about her food. Why would colleagues complain about someone else's food? Or why would she care what her colleagues thinks of her food? Unless she is bullied. So even if the SIL gets her lunch the way she wanted, her colleagues will find other reasons to bully her!
Maggie Poling 1 year ago
Knowing that this type of response is out of character for the SIL, would make me want to figure out the why behind it. I think the SIL was out of bounds to ask the wife to stop making sandwiches for her husband and SIL, and I think the husband should have backed up his wife first. But there's clearly something else going on, It seems like everyone should be working together to try to be understanding for every side.
AngelWingsYT 1 year ago
Sounds like the drastic life-change is affecting her more than shes letting on
Christine Stewart 1 year ago
Is hubby being a little bit of a problem too? Oh, gee, even though the lunch boxes are clearly labelled, I "accidentally" keep giving my sister the lunch with the flourishes on them. And what kind of whacko work environment dose the SIL work in, if people are going to criticize a grown woman's lunch. "My brother's wife made this nice lunch for me- What the heck is wrong with you, calling homemade food Bourgeois? I didn't have food delivered from The French Laundry!"
Keith Handly (Ike) 1 year ago
This is so a non-issue. Buying a different lunchbox/lunch bag is not hard or expensive if she still loves her careless stupid husband.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
Sounds like my mother. I'd bring her food I made and then get a call later that she hated it and not to bring it again. I just stopped making food for her. My MIL moved into the cottage on my property when my FIL passed away and I'd bring her food I made and she would call over to the house every single time to thank me and rave about how delicious it was. Needless to say, I adored my MIL and didn't like my mother. My MIL was the mom I never had.
Kathy Kennedy 1 year ago
Start making the plain meals(or maybe even sandwich and soup in a thermos for a bit) just to get her talking. There may be a spectacular Karen/Bully or more than one where she works, her attitude may have much more to do with them rather than you or the meals. She may be trying to shield herself from them or on the other hand she may just desperately be trying to fit into a sandwich or salad kind of work place and while well intended and undoubtedly delicious, your special lunches may mark her as an outsider in her own eyes when all she wants to do is fit in
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Wow, this is ridiculous. This is creating a problem where there is none. OP can just stop making SILs lunch. Or OP's husband can read the labels and make sure he drops off the proper lunch. OR the SIL can check her lunch before leaving for work and remove the embellishment. What is the actual problem here? From what I can see there isn't one at all, but somehow three grown adults can't see the simple solutions right in front of them.
H. B. Nielsen 1 year ago (edited)
Did the YTA folks saying she should not make the lunches like this not read anything she said??? She did stop! Or are they really calling it a simple request to change how she makes her/husband's lunches???? You don't get to demand anything especially in the way she has when someone makes you lunch like that. The person who says I won't talk to you until you do as I say isn't TA? Unbelievable. Also..... Who's judging someone for a heart shape in a lunch???? Even if they are EFF them! If that were the case she needs to take it up with HR and actually handle the bullying. That or remove the things she doesn't want there. I need an update and her husband should have her back 100%.
Sinners1978 1 year ago
As a single gal, I wish someone would make my lunches. And if I was OP I would just be done with it all, no more lunches and find someone else to watch the kid. Seriously just be done woth this SIL that sounds like an annoying brat.
CNHunt 1 year ago
I'm having a hard time believing this, can't believe someone would be that ungrateful.Ok so everyone is focused on the OP fixing lunch or not, the husband giving wrong box (which makes no sense btw). However the real concern is why is her grown coworkers shaming her lunch?! Why she doesn't tell them my sister doing something nice for me mind your business get out my lunch. This work not elementary school. To stop talking to your sister because of it is nuts definitely more to it. Make your own then!!
Your Mom 1 year ago
How do you say in English? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth? She gets free lunches, she should be grateful, and if she doesn't like the fancy stuff, she can just open the box, and get rid of the fanciness, when she takes the box from her brother. If eating fancy is worse than not eating at all, then she should not eat.
DC 1 year ago
So, it's two lunches, then ... or OP is kinda a doormat. Seriously, what is wrong with that? I've done that with stuff I was to eat alone, just for the fun of it. You're doing something nice for her, and whatever is wrong with her to oppose it, even to the point of accepting lunches, yet not talking to you ... what sort of doormat are you? The cleaners ruined my Rolling-Stones-Doormat with bleach, it looks really shiddy now, would you like to reside, flatly so, in front of my door, OP? I might even be hungry at times.
LayDiva in the Zone 1 year ago
I would tell her that she can get her own lunch and make it the best way she can. I don't have time for people and their b******* if you don't like the way I do something, she could fix it herself , and it would take her all the 3 minutes to rearrange the lunch whenever she gets it so you're ungrateful and you're lazy and you don't need to have lunch on me. To all of the YTA folks, this is why you have no friends because you can't see that this SIL is stupid AF and lazy too.
Louise Brown 1 year ago
Also. Bourgeois does not mean what she thinks it means.. It's usually used as I insult by the muckety mucks about the lower (middle) class... If you're gonny be a b***h about something at least use the proper words. If she's getting all fancy lunches made, with all fancy decorations on, that's fancy, not middle class.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I think she meant bougie. Which is the "new" slang for fancy and/or expensive. Think Yankee Candle vs Walmart's own brand or whatever.
Load More Replies... Bewitched One 1 year ago
It is, under the image of the OPs edit. If you aren’t able to see it though: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/N30ncWAHaF
Load More Replies... Binky Melnik 1 year ago
If the snooty people at work are laughing at her middle-class affectations, why on earth is she eating anywhere near them? (I’m assuming her hands are too knotted or otherwise incapable of removing the decorations.) It’s SUCH a simple thing to do that I don’t get it … I really hope she adds an update telling us what bug crawled up SIL’s a*s because I’m curious as hell!
Suzanne Baruch 1 year ago
Something that no one brought up in the comments: the word "bourgeois" is a very outdated, random word to use -- unless one is a Marxist and then it makes sense. It sounds to me as if the SIL has joined some fringe Leftist group. This would also explain why the SIL doesn't want either of them to have these lunches, either. She's condemning their behavior because she deems it politically unacceptable. The OP or her husband needs to have a discussion with this woman about her political beliefs. I suspect this would explain her irrational behavior.
Michael MacKinnon 1 year ago
I don't believe that's the case, Suzanne -- I think this is a UK usage.
Load More Replies... day light 1 year ago
I refuse to believe this story is real and if it was, I still wouldn't be on the SIL's side but entertain me: in what way did she gaslight OP? please, do not throw around words like these if you don't understand them
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