Guy Finds Out Sad News From Doctor, Blames His Ex-Wife For It

Funny how he thinks his wife should not cry before his son „because it‘s bad for him“ but doesn‘t see a problem in the kid seeing him not speak to her. I could be wrong, but I think the kid will resent his Dad one day. I don‘t think she forced him to do the procedure (it does not sound like she threatened him or something). I get it. He wanted more kids and now he is devastated. But life sometimes happens that way. I think it’s ok to not speak to her for a time, but he could have communicated it more maturely to his wife AND his kid. And he could have frozen some sperm or divorced sooner maybe… or they might have talked sooner about how many kids they want. I don’t know. I think it’s ok to be sad and mad but his post sounds a bit immature to me

Of course Reddit users would think he is being reasonable and rational, not that he needs therapy to sort his projection out.

Totally the AH! Set your own feelings aside for your kid! He deserved a mom and dad who can co-exist together and not be two children who don’t talk to each other!

Relying on your sister to communicate for you is childish. It's also completely unfair to your sister.

They can extract sperm surgically without reversing the vasectomy so see an IVF specialist. My then partner and I did this. You have wrong info if you think you are unable to biologically father more kids. This post spreads wrong info since you can extract sperm without a reversal procedure.

If there is one thing we know for sure, it's that OPs ex had nothing to do with the vasectomy being permanent (it's not like she did the cutting). So OP clearly just needs someone to blame and suffer for his pain and regrets.

I don't think he's TA for not wanting contact with his ex - that's his right, his process, and what he needs to heal, and she isn't entitled to have him in her life, like another commenter said. However, he IS TA for holding onto so much resentment over medical procedure that ultimately he agreed to have. It's NOT her fault that he can't have more kids, and he needs to understand that before he "gets rather serious" with anyone else.

Many family court systems have an app or a portal where divorced parents who can't get along can communicate about their kid(s).

Way immature. It's a loss, and he's grieving. If he needs some temporary distance for his mental health, it would be sensible to ask for contact only via a coparenting app, or only as strictly necessary regarding their kid. He also needs to recognise that it's not actually her fault, any more than his, that his vasectomy may not be reversable. He agreed to do it. Now he's changed his mind. Anger is part of grief, but he needs to work through it, and not let it hurt the son he has. It's not fair to put him (or OP's sister) in the middle. Act like an adult, and be civil for the sake of your son. And get a second opinion, there may still be hope.

She didn't put a gun to your head, you decided to get the procedure. Now you aren't happy with it and you choose to blame her. Grow up and take responsibility for things.

It's okay to be angry. He wanted more kids, but went along with something his partner wanted that would prevent him from having them. I'd be angry, too. I think he may need some help in dealing with his anger. Part of that would include accepting responsibility for his choice and that some (maybe a lot) of that anger is directed at himself.

OP is the AH in the sense that he isn't putting his kid first. Communicating with your ex wife via your sister is just not a healthy way to deal with this. However, as a woman, I do feel like some of the responses on Reddit and over here would have been waaaayy different if OP was a woman talked into getting her tubes tied. It seems that people don't take the trauma that this man probably endured from this seriously. I hope he gets a second opinion and that his first doctor was wrong, but if it turns out that his procedure isn't reversible then that is definitely devastating for this man. Sure there are still ways he can have children, but we don't know his financial situation and if he can afford those procedures.

If he wanted more kids and she didn't, they should have split then.

He seems very immature and like he's looking for someone to blame for a problem that has not really even affected his life yet. I think he's displacing some other anger over the divorce into this issue and blowing it up. And he claims it's for his mental peace? Sounds more like his ex is a nice person who cares about him and he's just running away from his emotions, he doesn't want to talk to her because he doesn't want to deal with difficult feelings. He's setting a terrible example for his child as well. This is not how you deal with things as a grown up. It's no wonder they got divorced with his attitude.

See, I'm guessing this behaviour is why she's his ex in the first place. I feel sorry for his son, how is he going to be able to celebrate any accomplishment in the future if his dad is being such a twat? Graduation, marriage, milestone birthdays, everything, his dad is going to make about himself.

It is not just about the reversal. For every year after a V-sec the risk of sperm going in autoimmune mode increases. So even with TESE (needle removed sperm) you cant be sure it works. V-secs should be seen as total and final as all other outcomes are a happy bonus.

Op needs to worry less about the kids he isn’t having and more about the kid he has. That means positive co parenting.

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. Your poor son. Grow up and take responsibility for your own decisions, you can't blame your ex or anyone for the things you chose. She didn't give you a vasectomy while you were sleeping, you agreed to it. There are plenty of children in the world without fathers, be a foster dad and help someone instead of whatever this immature behavior is. Not talking to her solves absolutely nothing, but it does make you look like a child.

Kind of YTA. Your wife made you do it ... yeah, maybe that's so, but, that another person can make you do stuff to an extent that you're absolved of any responsibility, in itself, is already wrong and your fault. If you didn't come to agree with the vasectomy, you shouldn't have had it done. This is different than being convinced of something by somebody - it reads like she ordered it, and you obeyed. The debate, it seems, had been closed prematurely, as ... after all, you get to decide about your body, and you either were too easy to convince to obey rather than being truly convinced of the surgery in question. Either way, YTA, but not really extreme ... appears rather dumb than evil, kind of, ... but, who has convinced you not to speak with your ex wife again? Own idea, this time?

I wonder what this guy’s plan was for birth control, had he refused the vasectomy? Short of condoms, most forms of birth control are a burden on the woman; sometimes an extreme burden.

HUGE AH. Your body, your choice works for all the sexes. After we'd had two babies within 3 years we decided it was enough and I had a snip. The doctor went to great pains to set out the consequences. OP needs to pull on his Big Boy pants and move on - there are plenty of kids out there waiting to be adopted.

Especially in these times I can fully understand why any woman wouldn’t want to risk getting pregnant. This might not have been the case back then but women can’t find doctors to sterilise them because hubby might not like it, or you’ll change your mind??? Whereas men don’t usually have this trouble.

He sounds life a pathetic whiny little nightmare! If I was his ex I'd flat out refuse to soak to the sister and make it known that if the sister tries to soak to me I'd take him to court! If he complained about that, maybe he'd realise what an absolute spoiled little brat he is! Absolute 🔔 🔚