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We live in a colorful world, no doubt about it. With so much information bombarding us every day, it’s easy to lose track of what’s really going on around us.
And by really, I mean that we often fail to pause and reflect on the dynamics of our modern society where people celebrate an inherently positive side of the world. But what if beneath its wholesome surface lies an underlying toxicity that feeds our delusions even further?
It sounds like one of those difficult thoughts that haunt us before falling asleep. But thanks to one Redditor who recently asked a seemingly basic question “What are 'wholesome' things that are actually toxic?” we now have some truly eye-opening answers. From family vlogging to animal rescue videos that are often totally fake, these are some examples to remind us to not take everything at face value.
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#1
Not sure if it’s on here already, but I get super uncomfortable when a video of a classroom of kids giving the kid who “can’t afford new shoes” a brand new pair as a surprise. The entire culture of filming while doing kind things for people is so exploitive and gross and sad.
Fee Hofmann 4 years ago
fully agree. It's not that hard to donate something in private!
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Melissa Spencer 4 years ago
If you feel the need to film your act of kindness, it is not an act of kindness, it is an act of hubris.
Bow, I’m a Slytherin 4 years ago
It’s a really nice thing to do, although it will make the classmate feel awkward, but god no, don’t film it.
juztme 4 years ago
Yessss, same as people give homeless people money, make a video of it and show it on facebook/instagram. Whyyyyy!!!! I see it as a form of attention. Like "see how amazing I am" ugghhh
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
That's always the first thing I think of - if you needed to promote yourselves while helping others, it is not kindness
Colleen Garland 4 years ago
My nuns would agree on this. Although I think some of them missed the train to heaven.
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Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Agree. Truly altruistic people donate to charity in private. They don't make a public spectacle of their donation.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
Doing good things just for attention is not doing good things. Just give the kid shoes. Chances are, he'll tell people, and you'll still get your wanted attention, you don't need to post about it everywhere.
Faith Hurst 4 years ago
It's unrealistic, too. I've worked for 25 years in a socio-economically disadvantaged district and I can tell you we don't make a huge thing out of giving people clothes, food, or shoes.
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
I agree 100%. When I watch that kind of stuff, I want to cry, it's awful. In my opinion, if you have to film this kind of stuff, then you're not being kind at all. You're being what the OP said - exploitive, gross, and sad.
RELATED:
#2
The expectation to keep your family members in your life no matter what they do. Some people have families that treat them like absolute [trash], and being related to them isn't a good reason to keep them around. It's ok to cut off toxic family members.
Raine Soo 4 years ago
The term "blood is thicker than water" is bullshit. My best friend's family dragged her down and made her miserable, so she now no longer speaks to them, and is a lot less anxious and depressed.
Enlee Jones 4 years ago
Absolutely. I no longer speak to my sociopath older sister or my right-wing racist uncle. Just because we share DNA doesn’t mean I’m obligated to keep you in my life.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
I'm so glad this is being seen as a valuable step towards mental health instead of "abandoning your family." Letting your family tear you apart and keep you down isn't your duty or obligation- it's just allowing and repeating toxic patterns that benefit nobody.
Madzdad the bard 4 years ago
Amen, amen and, of course, amen to that! My life is so much better since the mutual cutting of ties with my family. I feel regret once in awhile, but then a mutual friend will tell me of the toxic mess they play out on social media and I feel really good I left it. BTW I am 53, not 23, lol.
KAROLYN CLARK 4 years ago
Omg yes my family is always being mean insulting me basically ignoreing my mental health telling me my dreams will never come true (which is to go to colllge and own a SMALL cornerside business) and people still tell my "BuT tHeRe YoUr FaMiLy ItS WhAt ThEy ArE SuPpOsEd To Do" yes karen your dad is supposed to call youa bitch or a f****t at the litlest of things and your mom should tell you that its your fault the teachers made you cry in the middle of class
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
Yep, haven't spoken to them for years, feeling much better off without them!
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Luckily, I don't have this problem. I told the toxic members of my family to F*** off years ago. I'm so much happier now....
#3
Body positivity like Dove's "Real Beauty" campaign. The idea that all women are beautiful sounds nice on the surface, but it's a gross message to send because beauty is still at the core of it. I don't want to be told that my body is beautiful too, I want to be told that I don't have to be beautiful, that my value is not tied to how much other people enjoy looking at me.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
Exactly, I don't care about whether I look 'beautiful' or not, I want it to be okay to not care if i look 'beautiful' or not
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago (edited)
It’s the idea that beauty is tied to self worth that bothers me. Physical beauty is subjective, and our opinions of what we do and don’t find beautiful should mostly be kept to ourselves. There are people I don’t find beautiful, but why do they ever need to know that? And there are plenty of times that people don’t need to bothered by knowing that I do find them beautiful. But most importantly, your body’s physical appearance has no bearing on how you should be treated, or on how you treat others around you. Are you friendly? Let’s be friends. Are you professional? Let’s work together. Are you beautiful to me? Well, we’re not dating, so who the hell cares.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
tes. How about women accomplishing things?.
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Somebody Here 4 years ago
Your MIND and VALUES are more important than the features on your body.
Katchen 4 years ago
Also the parent company of Dove does not endorse “all women are beautiful” in their other brand marketing campaigns so the message is disingenuous at best.
Nihilism Is the Only Way 4 years ago
exactly. it's just a marketing slogan. they don't give AF
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Laugh or not 4 years ago
YES SO MUCH THIS. Don't tell me I am beautiful (or ugly or anything in between). Respect me as a person, not oggle me as a body.
C.S. E. 4 years ago
It makes one want to say 'Is there a particular reason you feel the need to comment on my body without my having asked your opinion?'
Load More Replies... C.S. E. 4 years ago
What it should be about is accepting the body you currently inhabit. That doesn't mean you can't change, but it does mean that you start from a place of personal acceptance. Negative reinforcement or crap such as what S. Tor Storm said is not only unhelpful, but can start a terrible cycle. If you can't accept you are you are now, then when does one lose 'enough?' It's never enough, it's a slippery slope and nothing is ever good enough. Also, the negative connotations can, and does, also lead to severe medical bias. That is dangerous. "Thank you for informing me that I need to lose weight, doctor, I was unaware of that particular problem. However, as I'm attempting to rectify the situation in a safe manner, how about you help me with the issue I"m having AT THIS VERY MOMENT?!'
Jace 4 years ago
Respect the body you have, but don't let that make you complacent about its condition. NOT shaming people is good. Considering obesity normal is NOT good. We need a culture that says "you're not to be shamed for this, but you also should not be this way because it is unhealthy in the long term. Here are things to address the issue..."
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MERMONKEY34 4 years ago
@S. Tor Storm F**k you! It is people like you that make people feel ashamed about their bodies! And so many people think it is normal to think like that because it has been ingrained in our society, if you think like that you are one of the worst people I have ever met, and BOTH my parents tried to kill me. Moral of the story don't be a maggot like S. Tor Storm.❤
2WheelTravlr 4 years ago (edited)
I want to be know for so many things, but beauty isn't one of them. Why be proud of something I have very little control over, and which declines as I age? I mean seriously, someone says "wow, you look beautiful!" what's the logical response? "My ancestor's DNA thanks you for the compliment."? We don't do this to guys -- can you imagine a "Real Handsome" campaign?
Henry Tuttle 4 years ago
Though I wholeheartedly agree, it seems there is a biological attraction to physical beauty. We as a species can TRY to minimize it, but it's PROBABLY always going to be a primary criteria of judging each other.
BG 4 years ago
And if you don't find someone physically attractive, a soap commercial probably won't change that.
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#4
Beauty Pagents
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
and sexy uniforms for kids dance teams- it always creeps me out.
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Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
There's nothing wholesome about child beauty pageants. Nothing. They're creepy af in the way they sexualize young girls.
JennyLaRue 4 years ago
I keep seeing news stories where it's 'geek/blind/short/disabled/plus size etc etc' wins beauty pageant. The stories make it sound like someone's worth is only validated by winning a pageant largely based on looks.
Raine Soo 4 years ago
That's Honey BooBoo. She participated in these pageants for a bit, and then got her own reality show in the US. You got to see her, and her family in action on a channel called TLC (The Learning Channel). It was most distasteful, as reality shows often are. Why do I know this? I hate pageants and reality shows.
Load More Replies... KAROLYN CLARK 4 years ago
my grandmother used to eenter my mom in a bunch as a child and she sai they were pure torture
#5
“Look at this adorable 4-year-old using a walker! So inspirational!”
“Awww, this guy asked a deaf girl to prom!”
“Watch this group of guys playing tackle football with a guy with Down syndrome!!”
“Check out this amazing blind kid walking down a street! Next level, yo!”
littlesaresare 4 years ago
Even worse is when a disabled person achieves something incredible, and everyone goes "see, you can do anything you put your mind to!" That mindset is so toxic for other disabled people, who, surprise surprise, cannot 'do anything they put their mind to', and are then treated like lazy assholes for it. :(
Jace 4 years ago
That mindset is toxic for EVERYONE. Survivorship bias is a toxic logical fallacy that lucky people use to excuse their status as having been entirely about their own hard work (ha ha), and to blame unsuccessful people for their own lack of measuring up/failures. There's just no room in our society for everyone to be a "industry disrupting" CEO success story. That's not the fault of the people who are struggling to make ends meet by working multiple jobs that pay s**t.
Load More Replies... Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
Pointing people with disabilities out means you have not accepted them as a part of society
Nadine Debard 4 years ago (edited)
Exactly. And going into raptures when someone achieves something "just because they have disability" is a bit toxic in my opinion, because it lets think that other 'disabled' people can't achieve it. Our society only focuses on impairment, not on skills. And god knows how many skills people with disabilities have!
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Paityn Krummrich 4 years ago (edited)
This is a teeny bit unrelated but I really hate it when there's like a news article about an autistic person getting included in activities and stuff and they are treating the people who are being inclusive like they're heroes. Like, treating someone like a human being is not an accomplishment.
Shine Caramia 4 years ago
I don't think it's unrelated at all. I think it's exactly the point.
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Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
people be like: "oh this person isn't nOrMaL let's make a big deal out of it when they're TREATED LIKE ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING WOULD BE"
Nihilism Is the Only Way 4 years ago
lol exactly! and the irony of it all is lost on so many its sad. i don't even think they know they're doing it or it's toxic. this a good meme to get out there.... educate the masses.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
If my son had been front page news when his high school football team looked out for his safety (protected him from bullies,) I would have been furious. It's not a "Wow look at this amazing thing that no one has ever done before." It's a "Why isn't this the norm."
Colleen Garland 4 years ago
I just can't understand all the lack of empathy amongst you. I have a sister with Down's syndrome. Should people just say "that's nice", or "isn't that sweet?" Doubt I'd find that attitude encouraging.
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Celeste Grant 4 years ago
Absolutely. We cope with our disabilities or chronic illnesses because we have no choice not because we are trying to inspire others We are just trying to live our best lives with what we have to work with.
Emma Perkins 4 years ago
I want to see these people, but I want to see them first and their disability second, if at all. It should just be a viral video of a guy being super shy about asking someone to prom or amazing teamwork to pull of an amazing football maneuver. These people deserve to be seen, we just need to work on how the mass majority understands them
#6
Proposing in front of a crowd. Puts a lot of pressure on the person being proposed to.
Ivo H 4 years ago
Yes, NEVER do that in public. Or (even worse) in front of family, or friends. The exception is, of course, if your spouse knows about it and agrees.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago (edited)
Confused here: How can you ask your "spouse" ahead of time if it's ok to propose? As no one is a spouse until after the wedding. And if you ask if you can ask, that is the proposal. Am I missing something?
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Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
I saw a drunk off-his-ass guy mutilate Hotel California in a ratty karaoke bar, and then suddenly ask his girlfriend to marry him in the middle of it. She was mortified, but then looked at the whole bar looking at her and then him with his dumb grin on his face and meekly said yes. Poor thing.
Ange Marsden 4 years ago
I was proposed to in public during my boyfriend's gig. Everyone thought it was a trashy publicity stunt and didn't realize he'd actually proposed for reals. The worst bit is he had to finish playing his gig so I had an awkward couple hours afterwards hanging out with a bunch of complete strangers asking me if he fake proposed at every gig.
Christi 4 years ago
I think this should actually say, surprize proposals in front of a crowd. Or surprize proposals all together. My husband and I actually talked about getting married, he knew I would say yes, because we communicated. Ya he still did a proposal but he knew what the outcome would be, were our relationship was and not just I hope my partner is ready cause I am!
#7
Corporations who spend $50 million on ads to tell you about the amazing $1 million they spent on a charity program.
Shelby Jackson 4 years ago
Or a company worth millions (CEO got a bonus of $15 million in 2018) spending $350,000 to tell everyone how great their employees are during the pandemic after taking away the $2 an hour extra "hero pay" during the pandemic.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
As a person whose SO is a delivery driver for Amazon, this effing INFURIATES ME! If they spent a fraction on actual employee wellness and charity as they do advertising employee wellness & charity, it would be a game changer. It's right up there with those insanely lavish "benefit" dinners/ balls/ auctions where what's raised pales in comparison to what's spent hosting it.
Nihilism Is the Only Way 4 years ago
ya. i also hated how employees were treated everywhere especially Amazon at the start (and during) covid. Amazon is making soooo much money off people staying home and ordering online. where was the extra hygiene protection for workers or bonuses? pisses me off too.
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Kelli from Fitness Blender 4 years ago
If you are going to do something good for someone else, do it in secret, don't do it for recognition.
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
It does not have to be secret, but you shouldn't advertise it either.
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Carol Emory 4 years ago
Charity is about doing the right thing because it's right, not for the attention.
#8
Toxic positivity. Like when someone's having a really hard time and you tell them to stay positive or try to look at the bright side. [Screw] you Jenny, my grandma died.
Raine Soo 4 years ago
People who spout toxic positivity are not listening to you. It usually means that you are inconveniencing them, and they have better things to do.
Hedonism Bot 4 years ago
Either that or they want to feel like they're helping, but can't be bothered to put any effort into it, so they just spout generic feel-good words and call it a day.
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WholesomeArmyweeb 4 years ago
omg this is true. "oh youre drowning in depression? think of the people who love you!" bruh i wanna die. I aint seeing nobody
Bow, I’m a Slytherin 4 years ago
Debra: What’s wrong? - Me: I had a panic attack today - Debra: Why? - Me: What do you freaking think?! - Debra: Don’t worry, relax! - Me: Jeez, I hadn’t thought of that.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
When my friends Father died, I didn't call her up and ask her if she was ok and tell her to stay positive. I told her let me know what's going on and told her if she needed a person to scream at, cry to or dump on to call me. Years later, when my father died..she returned the favor. Sometime, you just need someone who's a release valve.
real._.izuku 4 years ago
i relate to this on a whole new level because my grandma actually passed a few days ago and someone told me to "stay positive"
Raine Soo 4 years ago
I understand and I am sorry for your loss. You'll probably need some time and space to grieve. And, that process is a rollercoaster of emotions in of itself. My father passed away a few years back. And, sometimes I still get choked up. I hope that I'm not being too imposing.
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Daria B 4 years ago
Slightly off topic, but still related is when people use smilies and "hahaha" onomatopeia hoping they'd alleviate the mood while texting about a rather unpleasant situation. No, you're not making me feel better about it, neither you're making yourself look good. It looks like you're making fun of me.
deanna woods 4 years ago
THIS! If a person is going through a hard time, telling them to look on the bright side is not going to make them feel better.
Equine_Ravenclaw_Directioner 4 years ago
Me: I'm feeling kind of sad right now. Friend: then just don't be sad! Be happy! Me: ... Me: Goodness, what an idea, why didn't I think of that?
#9
Instagram "influencers" promoting their "amazing" healthy lifestyles but in reality mostly staged/photoshopped and exacerbating mental illness, body issues, anxiety in young people.
SoozeeQ 4 years ago
"You can lead an Influencer to a dictionary, but you can't make them think". - James Weir
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Influencers aren't great for anyone. Middle-aged, elderly.... there's all this unrealistic BS.... made to sound great.... it's just one big con, IMHO.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
A whole bunch of unqualified people trying to tell others what to do.
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Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
I will be so happy when this “influencer” bullshit finally becomes passé, and these morons actually have to go out and get a real job.
#10
Touching women’s bellies when they’re pregnant. You don’t go around patting a penis to congratulate it on its successful ejaculation. Damn.
Alex the awful German 4 years ago
can we still agree to not establish that as an tradition? ;-)
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Monday 4 years ago
To be fair touching a belly is usually to feel the baby move. I don't think it's a problem if the women in question is cool with it.
Deborah B 4 years ago
You shouldn't touch someone's body without their consent. If you know them well, and they are comfortable with it, touching the belly can let you feel the baby kick, which is awesome if it's your grandkid/sibling/godchild-to-be. I can't imagine why a woman would let anyone but a family member or close friend touch their belly.
Charlotte A. 4 years ago
I've had people do this without asking.... I just tell them "I'm not pregnant, I'm fat". I think I rather enjoy embarrassing them (and yes, I am fat, not pregnant).
Raine Soo 4 years ago (edited)
It's wonderful that you have such a good sense of humour about it. I have a couple of friends, who in their younger days, used to be constantly mistaken for being pregnant. People offered their seats to them on public transit. I had to stand. One eventually had two boys, and the other remained child-free.
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D MC 4 years ago
I think if you patted the penis, it might lead to another successful ejaculation... just sayin'
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
Friend of mine actually did that to me when my ex got pregnant with my first child. It works! He yelled and grabbed my crotch. Startled the hell out of me.
Mimi777 4 years ago
2 months after I had my baby this lady patted my belly while in checkout line at the grocery and asked when am I due I told her I wasn’t pregnant. (I gained a s**t ton of weight while pregnant and had a bigger belly for several months after) she got beet red and said sorry and walked off quickly. But yeah it was super weird for a stranger to do that but also uncomfortable for people I know to do it as well.
Panda Kicki 4 years ago
I have only read about this . Four pregnancies and noone has dared to try to pat my belly. Maybe my aura of "Touch me and I kill you slowly" shines through 😁
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago (edited)
Full Belly Laugh 😅😹🤣😻🤣🤪 and startled the dog 🐕
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#11
The pure existence of most modern dog breeds. Pugs, for example. We all think they’re super cute, but the truth is - they are extremely deformed and constantly suffering as a result of a century of inbreeding. A lot of people don’t know this, and it’s really sad. I’m not saying these dogs should be put down right now, just saying it would’ve been a better idea not to inbreed dogs for centuries.
SoozeeQ 4 years ago
Yes, and they shouldn't be allowed to continue to breed. Same with those munchkin cats. Poor little things can't breathe.
Monday 4 years ago
Yes. Let's look after the ones that are already here and just end the genetic line.
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Scagsy 4 years ago
It is time that we just allowed some breeds to die out naturally. But that won't happen as long Debra is getting likes for pics of her 'adorable' pug on social media.
Nihilism Is the Only Way 4 years ago
ugh. yes! this! and have u noticed French Bulldogs are "trendy" rn?!? what happens to them when they're not anymore!?!? (sorry... pisses me off lol)
Load More Replies... kjorn 4 years ago
i saw a documentary on that. i remember a cavalier king charles crying in pain because his head was too small for his brain wich cause hiim seizure. Cause by inbreeding. Bastard are the best. or old breed like the beagle
Jace 4 years ago
This needs to be higher in the list. I'm not sure which slot, but this an utterly ABHORRENT thing that needs to be BANNED. These breeds are basically bred for DEFECTS and DEFORMITY. Breeding these types of dogs needs to be considered illegal; as inhumane and cruel treatment of animals.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Reputable Breeders have regular Vet checks for breed specific problems and spay/neuter to prevent perpetuating permanent problems. Backyard breeders don't bother, don't care about anything but $$$. Big difference.
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Sarah Grape 4 years ago
bull dogs can't even repreduce natrally. their hips are too small and their shoulders are too big. when a species is so messed with it cant even keep itself alive without humans messing with them more, then there its a huge problem.
Ginny Weasley 4 years ago
The Munchkin cat or Sausage cat is a relatively new breed of cat characterized by its very short legs, which are caused by a genetic mutation. The Munchkin is considered to be the original breed of dwarf cat.......MUTATION!!!
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Yes, but the problems arise when people capitalize on it, perpetuating the mutation for profit. Not caring about the suffering of the animals.
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it's Wednesday my dudes. 4 years ago
french bulldogs need to have a c section in order to have babies or else they'll die. their hips are too small
Adrienne Doyle 4 years ago
Several breeds are that way. It's one of the consequences of selective breeding.
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#12
Asking your child "Who's your boy/girlfriend?" any time they interact with someone of the opposite sex.
Eva the Egg 4 years ago
Yes! I hate it when people assume there's something going on when you're just hanging out with your friends
Hello 4 years ago
Yeah... I saw this post on Reddit the other day: https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mqoygn/you_are_too_young_to_know_youre_queer_but_youre/
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Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
And just creepy and sexualizing of a small child.
Load More Replies... Spring Fisk 4 years ago
i find it annoying that the Little Kid movies like My Little Pony automatically assume that when a girl and guy are friends they need to be dating. Its OK to have platonic friendships!
KAROLYN CLARK 4 years ago (edited)
or automatically assumeing that if a teenager hangs around someone of the opposite sex they are dating no im freinds with a guy omg how horrible we must be having sex everytime we hang out
S. Tor Storm 4 years ago
Totally toxic post. what about trans kids? bi? Catcurious? not everyone likes the opposite sex you BIGOTS!!
Aimee Doherty 4 years ago
I hate it when they ask this about a pre-adolescent child in a teasing way. Gender/sexuality stereotyping aside, it also teaches kids from the get-go that there is a sexual/romantic ulterior motive to being friends with an opposite-gendered person. Gross!
bxttery_bxby 4 years ago
I invited a friend over one time (he was a guy, I'm a girl) and my parents thought we were dating for the longest time and I was like, no mom I'm gay shut up
Chaotic_pansexual 4 years ago
The extreme to which my family takes these jokes makes me afraid to talk to my guy friends. Not fearing for my safety, but fearing for theirs
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Or even expecting a small child (like under age 13-14) to have “boyfriend/ girlfriend” at all just straight up seems like bad parenting and mildly pedophilic to even encourage that kind of thing. Kids that small shouldn’t be doing that kind of adult stuff, straight up.
#13
Badgering people to have kids. No, I’m not going to magically change my mind when I meet the right girl.
Raine Soo 4 years ago (edited)
Having children was never on my agenda. It's great for people who want them. But, you really need to know yourself because it is a lifetime commitment, and you can't give them back. Besides, not everyone is fit to be a parent.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
My 15 year old is gay & is pretty certain she doesn't want children. She suffers from petty severe anxiety and fully admits that raising a tiny human doesn't appeal to her at.all. Initially, I told her "You don't really know who you're going to become at 15" but more recently I've attempted to educate myself and now support her decision entirely and I'm truly envious of how well she knows herself. Her happiness & life's value are not in any way tied to her ability or desire to have a child. No person should be boxed into a life that they don't want & there's nothing "wrong" with choosing not to have/ raise children.
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Ozacoter 4 years ago
Or refusing to sterilise them, like it often happens with children women (or women who don’t want more kids).
Adrienne Doyle 4 years ago
Exactly! One reason the IUD is a popular birth control method is that it's easier to get than sterilization.
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Julia Atkinson 4 years ago
I've never had the slightest desire to have kids or a partner. I'm now 61 and don't regret my choices in the least.
Thomas Helms 4 years ago
As a new parent, I definitely understand this. Don't get me wrong, I love my kid, but They. Are. Work. Some days I'm lucky enough to remember to feed myself when I get in a work flow and now I have kid that I MUST feed. Kids are fun but they are a RESPONSIBILITY. Please don't try to force people to take on responsibilities they don't want. Also, not everyone is cut out to be a parent; please think of the kids' lives, living with someone who didn't want them and/or doesn't want to take care of them. And please don't give me the bull about "just give them up for adoption"; you know how many kids are already in foster care? Don't make people bring in a new life they're not ready for, unless you're willing to take on the FULL responsibility of that life yourself.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Context is important here. Some people don’t want to have children, so just respect their choice and leave them be. Others of us DID want children but couldn’t have them, and saying things like that just hurts so deeply it’s cruel. I wanted kids, but ended up only having miscarriages. Then I got too old. We can’t afford adoption, so are looking into fostering and maybe adopting from fostering. But to say things like I don’t—-or can’t, which is even more insensitive—-understand something having to do with children because I don’t have any is insulting. Knowing I wanted children means I studied pregnancy, childbirth, child development, and child psychology for years, as well as babysat as much as I could (which I stopped doing after the last miscarriage, because it’s just too painful). So I am not an idiot, I DO understand. Plus, this cruelty seems to usually come out of the mouths of people who don’t realize just how much THEY totally f****d up as parents.
Sinkvenice 4 years ago
I've never wanted kids and people still tell me "I'll change my mind when the time is right" or my biological clock will start ticking. I'm 40 next year, it's getting awfully close to the cut off point! I'm far too selfish to have children, I'd rather spend the money and energy on myself. Besides, if they didn't like absolutely everything I did, I'd give them up for adoption. "What do you mean you don't like 1960s german free jazz? Get out!" :-D
valencia payne 4 years ago
Yeah I've known that I haven't wanted kids since I was 15 I still hear that s**t everyday at 35. It is one of the most annoying things ever somebody can tell me. you'll change your mind, you'll change your mind.no I'm not going to change my mind.
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Xylle Flora 4 years ago
"You just haven't met the right person yet" is what adults say to make you feel guilty for not being in a relationship. No, Susan, I'm not going to change my entire sexuality because you think women should have children
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
I always wanted children, but couldn't have them. Someone asking me "When are you going to have kids?" was agony.
FloC 4 years ago
Reminds me of my sister during her first pregnancy and that was all she was talking about. As I didn't want kid (don't have any), I was tired of it. Then she told me that I would change my mind about not wanting kids when I'll meet the man of my life. Told her that the one who could be the man of my life will not want kids either.
#14
Dads trying to be weirdly aggressive/threatening to their daughter's bfs.
Monday 4 years ago
"LOL I met my daughter's new boyfriend at the door with my shotgun, isn't that hilarious!". No John, it's not funny and if you ever do that to my hypothetical son again I'm calling the cops.
Lisa loves cats 4 years ago
exactly! its extremely threatening, and he isnt much different then you when you were that age!
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WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
And next they wonder how their daughter got pregnant from a boy they never saw at their house...
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
My dad legit met my hubby of 20 years this August while sharpening knives at the kitchen table. Of course, my hubby now knows my dad is legit one of the most insecure and self conscious men either of us knows. A sad cliche of the boomer generation where any type of vulnerability or emotion that isn't anger, happy or neutral is a sign of weakness so he overcompensates with standard toxic masculinity B.S.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
My dad was this way for real, and it was a great way to make sure he controlled us. Not protecting us. Controlling us.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
My teen daughter has a boyfriend, and I tell him that he is welcome in our home. I encourage them to hang out here, rather than them going out who knows where. Make sure there are lots of snacks and things for them to do, and then leave them alone. As long as she keeps her door open, they have a fair level of privacy. He plans on taking the bus home? I offer him a ride. If he thinks "hey I like my girlfriend's dad", he is more likely to respect me and my expectations when I set boundaries. And if they spend most of their time here, I don't have to worry about when she will get home, or where they are, or what they are doing, or if she is safe.
Chaotic_pansexual 4 years ago
My dad jokes about how if I bring a guy home, he’s going to toss a shotgun bullet at him and then say “if she’s ever home late, that’s going much faster” and it makes me want to slap him across the face
#15
Family vlogging
JennyLaRue 4 years ago
It's one thing to film funny moments, but making this routine just teaches children that the focus is on how it looks, and staging faux moments, rather than just enjoying life in the moment.
PineappleQueen 4 years ago
Yes! It gives the kids zero privacy and pressures them into “going out of their comfort zone” by doing stupid challenges. It also puts a lot of information on the internet for literally anyone with a brain to figure out either where they live, work, or go to school.
John Topper 4 years ago
If you don't think family vlogs are toxic just try watching one. Nothing that disinteresting can possibly be in any way good.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Family movies have been around as long as home movie cameras have been around, BUT their content was private, so only the family, or “trapped” (lol) friends and relatives, saw the footage. The difference here is that private family moments are now being shared, not only with people who actually want to see them, but also with those who couldn’t care less about you and your kids on vacation or in quarantine, and potentially with EVERYBODY who has internet access. Including all the creepy stalkers and/or pedophiles out there who now know where you are, or recently have been.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
It's not a true representation of reality. It makes others dissatisfied and depressed because it makes their life seem worse than everyone else's. Phony, fake and a flat out lie. Even if the kids "agree" to it, they do not understand the consequences. Just like with driving, smoking, drinking, sex, etc. The things we regulate to protect the children from their "not physically developed enough brain-emotions- comprehension". It's the parents' responsibility to protect them from it, not to exploit them on it.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
It’s amazing I’m pregnant and didn’t feel the need to post my ultrasound pic or what size the baby is every freaking day. It’s my baby, my business. I don’t understand why everyone needs to share every waking moment of their life
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
Hell I hate those "our fabulous year" Xmas cards. This is much worse!
#16
Punking people with practical jokes that are fake traumatic incidents. There is absolutely nothing funny about witnessing a fake death, mortal injury or abuse and then discovering it was all an elaborate joke. It’s traumatizing.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
The Paul Bros- case and point. I also hate destruction of someone's private property and then "Haha! It's a prank!" Right, because driving someone's car into the lake is just HI-larious 😐
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Rick 4 years ago
Add stupid TikTok trends to that list. I have seen videos taken from TT on Youtube including “pranks” like throwing water in their babies faces and slamming the brakes suddenly while driving to make their partner slam into the dashboard. Wtf is wrong with people?
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
Have you ever seen the movie idiocracy? I have this foreboding feeling that it will end up a historical documentary instead of the dark satire comedy it was intended to be. De-evolving with each new idiot who starts a social media account.
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Wonderful 4 years ago
I saw one the other day where they faked that the guy won publishers clearing house. Had the big check and everything. He's so happy. They ask him to refilm the door opening part for tv and when he does it his "friends" come running out laughing and tell him it's a prank. Dude basically yells ,"this was literally the best thing that could ever happen to me. I needed this and you think it's a f--ing joke! I NEEDED THIS!" And starts crying. I hope he isn't friends with them anymore.
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
A thousand percent. Terrifying people then laughing? That's sadism pure and simple.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
I heard of one where a guy staged a motorcycle accident - complete with ambulance - had someone call his girlfriend, then "surprised" her and proposed. PROPOSED. No word on whether he still has intact genitals.
James Suttle 4 years ago
Pranking strangers. If you're doing it to your friends and know they can take a joke - fine - but otherwise you don't know what that person's going through. And don't get me started on those pranking people just trying to do their job (normally on minimum wage)!!!
Toko Danganronpa 4 years ago
Yes yes and more yes. Practical jokes should not be that extreme.
#17
As a former homeless person, I can't put into words how annoying the people who film themselves handing out food for a viral video with some emotional pop song overlaid on it are. It's 100% "look at me, look how cool and HELPFUL I am" while honestly not giving a real damn about the homeless. It'd be one thing if you're putting your fame and money back into funding a shelter, or true change and volunteering and charity efforts but not just dropping $20 on some McDonalds meals to drive around LA filming strangers sleeping on the street for a bit.
Sue Hazlewood 4 years ago
I have given food and money to people on the street but it never occurred to me to photograph it. So damn tacky and insulting to the person you are giving to.
Monday 4 years ago
And that right there is the difference between giving food because you want to and giving food because you want people to know you do.
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JennyLaRue 4 years ago
It's also humiliating to the people you're "helping" by filming them in what could be the worst times in their life, and making them feel forced to take part so that they benefit from the kind act, when really you're just making a spectacle of their situation.
Canadian in Cornwall 4 years ago
George Michael worked at a soup kitchen giving out meals to the homeless on many occasions. Never told the press. Did it because he had a good heart. We didn't find out about it until after his death. What a guy ! :))
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
I didn't know that, that's so nice it's made me smile :)
Load More Replies... Laugh or not 4 years ago
I know this guy who was feeding homeless people in his home country, then moved to Berlin and now feed the homeless here. He has a group on FB to schedule the days (collection of food, clothes and other items, preparation of diners, distribution) with volunteers. He never post such videos. He is doing for them, not for himself.
Onion rings like to make your breath smelly 4 years ago
I forgot what verse and chapter it was, but in the Bible, it says something about doing the right thing without letting other people know. God knows, and that is the only important thing.
deanna woods 4 years ago
If you are going to do something charitable do it without the world having to know about it.
#18
Using your child for likes on social media, that's creepy I never understood why would any parent do that
Raine Soo 4 years ago
It's amazing the things people do for 'likes' on social media. Some people have died, trying to get the right photograph.
troufaki13 4 years ago
And some others use the loss of a loved one for sympathy and likes. I've even seen "grieving mothers" do that. Such a shame...
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Cori 4 years ago
My kids are adorable and they do really cute things all the time, but they rarely ever make an appearance on my Instagram. At 7 and 3, they aren't old enough to give consent so only the occasional, innocuous photo ever gets posted. My whole page is 90% pets.
Jace 4 years ago
I'm uncomfortable with the blanket statement that people (who are vulnerable to toxic culture, such as the psychological trappings of social media) are *intentionally plotting* to USE their children for likes on social media. It feels like an oversimplified impression of people's varied and complex influences and intentions.
J Charbonneau 4 years ago
I rarely post my twelve yr old on social media, and if I do it's private for family only. It's weird to me too
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
You have the same first initial and last name of one of my favorite writers. *pretends you are she*
Load More Replies... CatWoman312 4 years ago
I’ve unfollowed so many people who do this. I don’t need a daily pic of your kid. Keep that s**t private geez
𝔓𝔯𝔬𝔣𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔬𝔯 𝔇𝔢𝔯𝔭 4 years ago
It is so creepy. I read a comic that made me sad here, it was like the parent kept taking photos of the kid and the kid mad a picture of the family. It was him, his mom phone, and dad phone. Sad really. :/
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Or sharing pictures of your kids in embarrassing situations. Little Johnny is going to grow up at some point. He's going to be looking for work and a family. Don't post crap that could come back to bite him in the butt later, no matter how adorable you think it is.
Diemond Star 4 years ago
I hate this . It is just wrong for parents to use their children as a way of getting attention brought to their self.
#19
Abstinence and purity promise culture. Really [screws] people up for a long time when you teach them that: A.) sex is dirty, bad and evil B.) their worth as a person is tied to that purity
Marianne 4 years ago (edited)
Youths who do not get sex ed and do things like purity promises will statistically have as much sex as others. Only they do not know about safety and end up pregnant or with STDs more often.
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
part 2: Instead of the purity culture lessons I wish I had been taught (and internalized) the analogy of sex being a lot like fire. Fire is wonderful, it keeps us warm, we can cook food and marshmallows over it, it is beautiful and mesmerizing, it is fun to sing songs and ghost stories around and it is completely natural and created for our needs and wants. However it does matter what its confines are. In a campfire or in a fireplace it’s wonderful but not so wonderful on the living room drapes or dry kindling in the forest without a fire ring. Because fire is a good thing we should learn all about and not be uncomfortable about certain parts of it and know the safest ways to use fire.
Sasy 4 years ago
The horrific part of this is the 'Father Daughter' side of it all, I have heard of Fathers giving their Daughters these rings as some kind of promise to not lose their virginity and somehow the Father is the keeper of her virtue. It is one thing for a parent to teach their child to be safe to be cautious etc but it is just icky that their are even balls/dances and big ceremonies for this.
Zophra 4 years ago
It has really weird sexual overtones... just weird. I agree.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
Especially when a girl has this belief and then she is raped. Dealing with the horror of it is ten times worse because the person not only violated you body and mind, but they took your sense of worth by robbing you of your virginity. It also worse when the people around her punish her for a violation of her promise when the incident that caused it wasn't even her fault.
Adrienne Doyle 4 years ago
Exactly! Kidnapping victim Elizabeth Smart tried to hide from those who could have rescued sooner because she was taught that from her church.
Load More Replies... Spring Fisk 4 years ago
I went through the thick of purity culture when I was young and now that I am over 40 and have had a lot of time to think about it. I could be wrong but I have come to the conclusion that most of the intentions were good, however, how it was taught and picked up by teens lead to hurtful and incorrect theology about sex that people, my self-included, are still dealing with today. One only needs to read Song of Salomon to learn that Christianity views sex as beautiful, playful, pleasurable, encouraged and Godley.
Salty Old Woman 4 years ago
I think that a huge and often overlooked problem with purity culture is how it makes women view themselves (and how men view women) in the long term. I'm divorced from my abusive ex-husband. According to purity culture, I'm used goods now. Even though my ex was violent and I had to leave for my own physical safety and sanity. That way of thinking is a huge problem.
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abby smink 4 years ago
It was never my parents, but more the religion that thought me sex was bad. I wonder if that's why, even now at 40, it's just something I don't want to be bothered with.
Nicole Weymann 4 years ago
Not necessarily. I've never taken religion seriously and still feel the same.
Load More Replies... Jace 4 years ago
This needs to be higher on the list. Sex is probably the most basic drive of all animals (yes, we are animals!). Screwing people up with puritan antisex bullshit is horrifically damaging to the whole society. It harms the direct target, and then they relate terribly to others with whom they attempt to have relationships. Sex is not dirty. Yet, people who claim to be sexually liberated will still perpetuate it with talk of "dirty sex" because their kink originates in psychosexual abuse. Purity and virginity are nonsense concepts that only harm people. Honor culture is also horrible fuckery. So much of this is tied to religions; just mind control and authoritarianism.
#20
Asking babies to hug and kiss people
Natalie Slazer 4 years ago
I teach my son's that it is their body and their choice! I don't even make them hug or kiss family members, like my mother, she hates it but I truly believe that it should be their choice. I also have taught my oldest, and will be teaching my youngest (he's only 11 months) to ask permission to give someone a hug or a kiss.
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Ola Polowczyk 4 years ago
It's not only toxic. It's dangerous. The kids that are forced to kiss/hug people, are more vulnerable to pedophile attacks. Because they are being taught that their bodies don't belong to them.
Yvonne Blau 4 years ago
And that they have no right to say No to grown-ups
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Anna Banana 4 years ago
It's becoming more and more common to ask other people's kids how they would like to be greeted: kiss, hug, handshake, high five... I think this is great because it gives children agency and teaches them about consent - even when talking about people who they know really well.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
I have seen elementary school teachers who had icons for high five, huig, nothing etc outside their classrooms and each child chooses how they will be greeted. Love it.
Load More Replies... 𝔓𝔯𝔬𝔣𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔬𝔯 𝔇𝔢𝔯𝔭 4 years ago
This will cause problems when they grow up. They will actually FEEL the need to do it. Not out of love, out of being kind, because of this!!
Mimi777 4 years ago
I never make my daughter hug or kiss someone. I tell her she can give them a high five instead if she wants but she doesn’t have to do anything. I’ve had a couple people get personally offended because I told her it’s ok if she didn’t want to.
Snake of Eden 4 years ago
Making any one hug or kiss people. I always feel so uncomfortable when family memebers I don't know try and hug me. I don't even like my favorite family members to touch me, I don't need you to Sharen.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Having just gotten an earful from (a named at birth) Karen's husband, I have to say this... People, please stop tying a specific name to undesirable traits. It's really hurting nice people who happen to have that vilified name. Causing actual problems with their mental health. And the fact that I need to specify she's actually named Karen...🤬🙄😤
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TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Been there, done that...to me too. Love Bullying, subconscious social conditioning, control freaks with "good reasons"... Don't feel guilty, it's not just you and it's not right.
Load More Replies... Canadian in Cornwall 4 years ago
Agree. I work in a shop and sometimes say hi to little kids. The parents may say 'say hello', and I always say, no worries if they don't want to !!!
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Oh I made sure my children were all polite enough to respond to someone. If they were with me, and someone just said hello to them and they didn't say hello back, I wouldn't be pleased. Now touching people they don't want to touch? No problem there. Please don't force your kids to hug that disgusting old uncle who pinches them and leers into their faces.
Load More Replies... #21
Glorifying feeding animals into obesity
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Not all parents have control over that. My son is on medication that has the side effect of weight gain. On top of that, the school district he went to neglected to tell me that he was order two lunches each day instead of one. I found out on my own and put a purchasing limit on his account. By then, the damage was done.
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S. Tor Storm 4 years ago
Finally one I can totally agree on. This is really shitty. Animals (as well as people btw) are not meant to be obese.
Random Person 4 years ago
I think that overfeeding should be treated as abuse. It makes me sad to see these dogs/cats who can barely move because a) their owner overfeeds them, and b) they don't understand the correlation between food and obesity. Overfeeding can kill pets as easily as underfeeding.
Sue Knerl 4 years ago
I hate all those pictures of overly fat cat on Fb and people saying look at my chonk! Ain't he cute". No, he's not cute, you are abusing your cat making it that fat. Diabetes is right around the corner and insulin, needles, strips and meters are expensive. Not to mention your cat is not going to be around very long. Idiots!
Blue of the yams 4 years ago
Right? I can't stand the whole "oh look at thois chonky boi, so thicc" thing.
#22
School fundraisers.
If the government can't give schools enough funds, then everything is wrong.
Monday 4 years ago
I would say it depends on why the school is fundraising. If it's for basic necessities then yeah, that's wrong and the government should be helping, but if it's for some fun activities for the kiddos like a class party or watersport day then I'm all for it. Fundraisers used to be fun at school, we always did them to hold water festivals in the summer.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
I'm all with you. Most of these are conditional.
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Glen Grabenstetter 4 years ago
They don't need to have bake sales to pay for aircraft carriers.
C.S. E. 4 years ago
Typically, fundraisers aren't for basics (though that is effed up, too), but for extras. For instance, my Junior year, we went to a band competition in Breckenridge, Co. That's an extra curricular trip for an extra curricular activity; we should be raising money for it ourselves.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago (edited)
this really only applies if the school is doing a fundraiser for books or paper or the continuation of school sports ( a bond in my area recently failed to the entire school sports will be fund raised next year) there shouldn't be a problem with schools getting what they need. fund raisers should be focused on letting kids take pride and feel ownership over things in their school
Lena Flising 10 months ago
If we can't afford funding schools properly, we definitely can't afford taxbreaks for the rich. This goes for ALL countries. Funding education for the next generation is essential for our continued survival as a society.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
Well, here in Canada those fundraisers are for non essential things because we funds our schools.
DonS 4 years ago
This. My public school did one to put more green spaces in the courtyard. Short story short: the Board swept that under the rug and pay themselves a brand new gym at their HQ while their schools needed money for necessities and renovations. Furthermore, as the school fundraiser was going better than expected, the lawyers and director put obstacles in the school projects, telling they should share the revenues from the fundraiser with the Board. Icing on the cake, when the school had enough money and went ahead with the revitalisation of the courtyard for the kids, a local celebrity was there and lo and behold, the lawyers and top brass of the Board came like the bunch of hypocrites they are for photo op. Luckily, the celebrity knew about that and ignore them completely and spent time with the actual staff of the school and the kids (playing soccer and basketball with them) while giving the evil eye to the Board minions.
#23
Repeatedly professing your love for someone after they tell you that they aren't interested.
The idea that you can "make" someone love you back if you just keep trying is rooted in toxicity, but romanticized in countless films and TV shows.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
Plus, isn't this just a stalker in a more attractive package?
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LesAnimaux 4 years ago
This. I've been stalked by a person I have repeatedly told I wasn't interested in. I have never been more afraid in my life.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
The fact that it is romanticized in film is a huge problem. If you look at some popular films it is toxic beyond comprehension, but instead of being a horror film it is a romantic film. It only encourages the toxic person and makes the victim feel like they are a bad person for pushing back.
Wolfstar 4 years ago
In 9th grade, this guy kept on telling me he liked me and wanted to date me. I politely told him no, but he kept on asking me out. He got his friends to keep on pestering me and telling me that I just *had* to date him. I was like, "no, f*ck off, I've told him no a thousand times, I'm not changing my mind anytime soon."
Jace 4 years ago
Sorry. That sucks. I can imagine the guy was either a pushy asshole or he seriously believed in the bullshit movies that claimed this s**t was romantic and that he would eventually "win you over". I watched a geeky guy be outright obsequious toward a popular girl, trying to win her over (she eventually bought his "service" in one of those dumb personal slave charity auction things, which is also horrible). I had my moments of thinking this kind of fiction might be romantic, too. Our media and culture fill us with such stupid s**t. I once told a girl I was interested in "Would you just let me be nice to you?" when she kept politely refusing a ride to her parents house after school when she told me her ride had abandoned her. I thought it was some kind of funny response to her general self-deprecation, but I quickly realized it was possibly creepy. I never did that kind of thing again.
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Half-Jewish-Doggo 4 years ago
i was watching an old movie with my family and we just stopped about 20 minutes in because the guy wouldn't stop interrupting the female love interest, and was trying to get her away from her romantic partner
Chaotic_pansexual 4 years ago
Ugh it bothers me so much in movies/shows when someone just won’t leave the other person alone. Person A has made it repeatedly clear that they don’t want Person B, and maybe has even moved on with someone else. But Person B just has to ‘try one more time’ and put Person A and their new partner through a whole new kind of turmoil because Person B can’t move on.
Melanie Orellana 4 years ago
I think you should make a valiant effort but after the third no accept your defeat and move on.
#24
Teachers giving up their Sick Days for some other teacher can have days off for Cancer Treatments.
Raine Soo 4 years ago
Sick days should be given freely to those who need them. There is no reason why cancer treatments should not qualify.
aj B 4 years ago
In a sane country yes, but we here at capitalism central worship the almighty dollar and a single cent "wasted" on having someone skip work is the greatest of mortal sins right behind anything that someone calls socialism
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Cosmetica Solist 4 years ago
This sounds like a strictly USA thing. This would never need to happen where I'm from
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Nor here in Canada. The US is the only country that truly doesn't give a s**t about its citizens. The almightly dollar is the ONLY thing that counts, and anything else gives them palpatations that "socialism" might creep in.
Load More Replies... King Joffrey 4 years ago
Hold on, people have problems taking days off for cancer treatments? This sounds positively medieval.
columbokateUK 4 years ago
This is not a thing in all of Europe. If you're sick then you get a sick note from your doctor for the duration. Employers must accept it and you can sue your company if they try to fire you or try to make you come in to work. You would win your case, which is why no company would ever try to flout the rules. America needs a good look at the way it looks after it's citizens 🙄
S 4 years ago
Is that paid sick leave or unpaid but you don't have to worry that you lose your job?
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Carol Emory 4 years ago
This happened with my son's bus driver at school. She had cancer and the teachers and other bus drivers gave up their vacation and sick days to cover her time off. Why? She should be allowed to seek treatment without the fear of losing her job.
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
She's lucky she can pay for treatment. Many people can't and just have to die early.
Load More Replies... #25
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." In theory, I'm supposed to be a statement of unconditional love, but in reality it's just inviting toxic behavior with no way out
Pittsburgh rare 4 years ago
Every time I see someone quoting that, l run in the opposite direction
Bacony Cakes 4 years ago
Remember to break the sound barrier in 3 seconds.
Load More Replies... littlesaresare 4 years ago
Expecting unconditional love is also toxic. Basically asking people to love you no matter how abusive you get.
Kendra Miller 4 years ago
One of my high school teachers told us how she knew her partner was the one. She got food poisoning, puked all over him and he stayed with her the whole time she was in the hospital. She said "He saw me at my worst and still stayed and supported me, I knew he was the one"
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
i think it's meant to mean something more like "if you hate my face and judge me when I'm crying, then I don't want to hang around you when I'm smiling"
Tsunade 4 years ago
Sadly people mistreat this innocent quote and start saying it when they’re abusive because it’s still “love”
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
I much prefer “love me, love my dog”. If the animal is happy and healthy, and the relationship between them isn’t either neglectful or obsessive, it tells me they’re a person who accepts the love, commitment, and responsibility having a pet entails. The same love, commitment, and responsibility being in a relationship with another human also entails.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes and no. Abuse should not be tolerated op is right. But it is also not good to abandon people as soon as they are great and happy. A lot of people leaves you if you aren’t happy or healthy because it is t comfortable.
Monday 4 years ago
That is also fair because the statement "I don't deserve you at your worst" also stands. If you aren't happy or healthy and I can't deal with it, I should walk away otherwise I'm going to suffer too. You should only stick with someone if you can actually handle it.
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Dave Forget 4 years ago
I feel like that's a mixed bag. Like, it's important to have someone you can rely on if you're going through a tough time like you just lost a family member or you're having trouble at work but it's also important they people don't put up with abusive behavior because someone is nice sometimes.
#26
The idea that feeling anger makes you a bad person, or that you are obligated to forgive absolutely everyone who has hurt you.
King Joffrey 4 years ago
Feeling anger doesn't make you a bad person, displaying anger to people who haven't caused it does.
juice 4 years ago
and even then you're not necessarily a bad person, you just need to learn to deal with your anger in a different way.
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Heather Makemson 4 years ago
As an official old person, I will drop this nugg of wisdom/ experience; feeling angry isn't bad & you're not obligated to forgive anyone for anything. Having said that, my experiences have taught me that withholding forgiveness & clinging to anger only punishes the person carrying it, in the end. Also, forgiveness is not the same as allowing a toxic person back into your life- you can forgive them for your own peace of mind and still refuse future interactions/ relationships with these people.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
As another official old person I agree. ( Some kid said "Sir" to me yesterday, the little sucker...)
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
My son had serious anger issues as a teen. It got him into trouble a few times. He finally promised us he wouldn't get angry anymore. We told him "You're going to get angry and that's ok. What we need to teach you is how to deal with it in a mature manner." Now he knows enough that, when he's angry, he asks us to let him take a break and he goes for a walk. I've recognized his anger and handed him my car keys so he can go listen to music in the car to calm himself down. Now he's to a point that when he's stressing out he just says "Mom...keys." I'd rather have my speakers blown out than have him blow up.
Nadine Debard 4 years ago
Forgiving is something you do for your own sake. It takes time and needs some hard work, but it's a part of resilience process and does a lot of good afterwards. But when you can't forgive, you can't.
Aya Hikage 4 years ago
very true. if you can't forgive someone you are the one suffering. It's hard to forgive and if you just can't right now it's okay but it's definitely something to work towards
Load More Replies... Robert Thompson 4 years ago
Mathew chapter 18 obligates you to forgive, but it doesn't require you to re-enter abusive relationships or toxic environments.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
I remember one woman saying how she dealt with hating her father (a bad man). She said "people kept telling me I would be able to move on if I forgave him... but that's not true. I only moved on when I forgave myself for hating him"
noralin 4 years ago
Well, that was true for her. People are individuals .
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago (edited)
I have to roll my eyes at people who suffer greatly at the hands of another person, then turn around and forgive them and tell them they love them (not romantically—-that would require intensive therapy). If you tortured and murdered someone I love, I will despise you forever, never ever forgive you, and be deliriously happy the day you die—-and no, I would not be obsessive about it. I would move on with my life and, like all the other bad s**t that happens in life, eventually stop thinking about it 24/7. But never love you and never forgive you. Love and forgiveness would be off the table, where you are concerned. Forever.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
Forgiving people that hurt you leads to a better life. You don't dwell on the "oh Cassey called me bulltrash last year" and the other petty things. All I say is it's ok to be angry but don't hold terrible grudges and don't try to get vengance. (can't spell lol)
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Good attitude and your spelling is spot on (if "bulltrash" is what you meant to spell).
Load More Replies... Chaotic_pansexual 4 years ago
“If they bully you, it’s just because they have problems of their own, and you should be nice to them” is one of the most toxic things my parents have said to me. I know their heart is in the right place but if someone is verbally or physically attacking my friends and I with no reason to do so, they have not earned my sympathy.
Rita Shapiro 4 years ago
If someone has hurt you, you should not be guilt-tripped onto forgiveness by pop psychology or religion. It borders on abuse of a victim to demand that they perform forgiveness rituals as if THEY have some further obligation towards their victimizer in order to satisfy someone else's (your) definition of an appropriate response.
#27
Any viral story about some kid selling [stuff] to pay for a relatives healthcare.
Laugh or not 4 years ago
Most 3rd world countries have better healthcare system. They have less money, but that's why they know it is important to use it wisely. And they understand about solidarity instead of being fed that individualist mentality crap that the US live on.
Load More Replies... Enlee Jones 4 years ago
Agreed. It’s not heartwarming, it’s about how our joke of a healthcare system is failing everyone.
Jeri Woodrow 4 years ago
I personally don’t have a problem with this because it encourages kids to think of others. It’s the gratification the person filming & posting needs. Give from your heart with love. Try doing it without getting any acknowledgment of it.
Sarah Grape 4 years ago
ive heard the viral stories tend to bring in a lot of money for the relative's healthcare
Ginny Weasley 4 years ago
tbh its good to help (if you want to) but like.... not the kids problem to solve it
#28
Dolphins at SeaWorld and other family centers. They are generally all in a state of extreme mental health stress and have to be given drugs to keep them calm. In addition, the profits from capturing the best looking dolphins and selling them to these places fuel an annual dolphin hunt in Japan where the vast majority are sold for animal meat. It is a brutal practice where an extremely intelligent and sentient animal group is killed without painkillers in a slaughter.
Raine Soo 4 years ago
This practice is awful, and I do not frequent these types of venues. Dolphins are not here to entertain us or provide us with food, particularly in such a brutal manner. I wish people could just simply appreciate them.
nanashi 4 years ago
I'm not defending whale/dolphin hunt here, but you can't really say "they're not here for food" just because YOU don't eat them. Japanese eat whale/dolphins, as well as certain small oceanic/artic tribes. they are considered food for that culture and it's not fair to criticize them for that just because you don't. however the problem with them (Japan especially) is the mass production/hunting methods that led to drop of their population in the wild. we can criticize about that.
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Dave 4 years ago
Japan seems so cultured, but in reality, it is a brutal culture and they got away with Crimes Against humanity they committed during World War Two. Crimes are just as horrible as the Nazis committed and Russians when they reached Germany while driving back the German Army. Their history is just as whitewashed in their schools as the U.S. History. I do not have much respect for Japan as such.
Zophra 4 years ago (edited)
You realize that the vast majority of those people are dead? Do the sins of the fathers have to be visited to the children in perpetuity? These newer generations already are not worthy of a default human respect? I agree with Rancho, by that logic, many, many of us would also not be worthy based on our ancestry's actions.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
Actually, most of the dolphins at SeaWorld are from other aquariums that breed the animals in captivity. These dolphins have never seen the open ocean. The reason for this is that there are countries were dolphins are still being hunted and places, like SeaWorld and the Georgia Aquarium have breeding programs to repopulate the wild dolphins that are disappearing. Currently, the Georgia Aquarium is doing a study to see how mammals, like dolphins, dissipate heat to find out how rising ocean temperatures may adversely effect them.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Except for those injured animals that cannot be returned to the wild, or born in captivity and unable to survive otherwise?
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#29
Receiving recognition for perfect attendance. My ass that you never got sick.
D MC 4 years ago
No, the SCHOOL I work for STILL gives an award and financial incentive for perfect attendance. Go figure...
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Bow, I’m a Slytherin 4 years ago
I remember our primary school had a award ceremony at the end of the year. Basically, the teachers would give us a certificate and force us to smile with other children while they took a photo, because apparently we were the best at a certain subject. You’d also get certificates for ‘perfect attendance’. I knew a girl who always felt left out because she never got one. The reason was because she had bad migraines and had to spend a lot of time off school.
Hello 4 years ago (edited)
Oh, i hated this! I was always early to class, but I'd always get sick in December, then at the end of the year, I'd see half the class getting those white ribbons.
Load More Replies... Thomas Helms 4 years ago
Nothing like prepping young minds for the glorification of work over self.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Praising students that never missed a day because they forced themselves to come to school sick. yeah...that's a good lesson to teach them. Also...why should a healthy kid get praised for perfect attendance over someone who passed their classes in spite of having to undergo chemo or recover from a life threatening ordeal?
stanzagirl28 4 years ago
So they don't ruin thier "perfect attendance" they come to school sick and puts my immunocompromised child at risk! It's something that should have been done away with long ago!
Bianca Saville 4 years ago
This happens at school with students (I'm a teacher) and I've always disagreed with giving kids awards for not being ill.
Scout Miller 4 years ago
Illness isn't the only reason kids miss class. Some just choose to not go. The kids who work hard to be there every single day SHOULD be rewarded for that extra effort
Load More Replies... Jace 4 years ago
It's inherently antisocial to expect people to not be sick, or to expect them to maintain all daily activities while ill. It slows their recovery (or may worsen their condition), and it also causes others to suffer when they contract the same illness because of forcing the ill person to be present for that perfect attendance. One of my first bosses bragged about never missing a day of work, when I called out sick. The asshole put on a presentation while blowing his nose into his handkerchief (also handling office equipment). We all hated him for it. All he thought to do was apologize for making noises that made him harder to listen to in his presentation. Asshole didn't give a damn about anyone else getting sick from him.
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
As an employer, attendance has greater value than talent. True, things happen, but if things happen less to some, that person will be more valuable to the company.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
It's also the most insulting 'honor' I can think of. You're not valedictorian or salutatorian, but good on your for showing up!
Adrienne Doyle 4 years ago
It punishes those children who have health issues, or if they have a relative who died, and the funeral was held on a weekday. One reason schools have been petri dishes is that too many kids show up sick so they can get that perfect attendance award.
Load More Replies... #30
Supporting someone no matter what choices they make. You can love someone to the ends of the earth, that doesn’t mean they will 100% be right all of the time, no matter how much you love or admire them.
Raine Soo 4 years ago
I absolutely support my best friend. But, I will tell her if something is stupid.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
The problem is that too many family members and friends have biases and limited thinking so that if the choice is not a dangerous one, I think it is better to let the people do what they choose. Things like changing one's major, breaking up or not breaking up, choosing a career we don't think will sustain them...not good to interfere. Input when asked for is fine but can sway someone away from what they really want.
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Laura Craig 4 years ago
I'm not sure if this one is just badly worded, but as it stands I would disagree. Sometimes people just need to make their own mistakes to learn, and while you can absolutly advise someone that you think what they are doing is a bad call, witholding support if someone doesn't do what you want is a form of controling behaviour. It IS okay to say, I don't agree with this, I think it will end badly, but I love you so I'll support you through your mistakes
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
and how do we know that their choice IS a mistake?
Load More Replies... DDmaybeandor 4 years ago
Idk, I might think it's a bad choice for a loved one to quit their job and open a business, but if they make that decision I will 100% support them. Just like someone who's 60 might think it's a bad idea to stay single and never have kids, but if they make that decision, even if they don't agree they can still support them.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
That’s flirting with the danger that the supporting can become enabling, and of behavior that can potentially escalate. In a bad way.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
And stop idolizing celebrities!! They are human, they aren't perfect. Find your own sense of self and stop emulating others.
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
Part of loving someone is telling them when they're heading for trouble.
Chaotic_pansexual 4 years ago
Exactly. My best friend is basically the platonic love of my life but I will outright tell them if something they’re about to do is a bad idea, and I’ll usually stop them.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
That could be fine or could be too controlling. Much advice is bad advice unless you are talking about doing harm as in drugs, drinking or harming someone else.
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Dita Utomo 4 years ago
I once heard someone defended his friend who was charged as a sex offender for soliciting sex with multiple minors. Said he stayed friends with this guy because they had been best friends for years and nothing would change that and people make mistakes and those who criticise his decision were just jealous because they didn't have a friendship like his and the sex offender guy's. You should've seen my face as he was spouting all this pure idiocy.
#31
When people who are super spiritual and love love love all the time judge and ridicule you for not being in a good mood or for needing space. “You’re ruining the vibe” “this isn’t a hostile environment”- gaslighting is wrong and these people do it ALL THE TIME! I call them “the love police”.
Nadine Debard 4 years ago
They just look like haters with a nice face... Let people be what they are... And go spreading your fake love elsewhere.
Jace 4 years ago
I hate "toxic positivity" and woo-crazy spiritual love child weirdos. The most abusive woman I ever had a relationship with was one of these wooey reiki love child spiritual types. Thing is, she was grievously abused by other people long before I met her. She just somehow adopted her abusers' behaviors (some consciously, when she developed a craving to control men after a boyfriend had abused her in very psychosexually controlling ways). She even ended up with an authoritarian "therapist" who threw yet more fuckery at her. Very distressing and I was myself under other abusive conditions and could do nothing to help. I had to escape that shitstorm to save myself from it. She was one of several of this type of person I dealt with so far in my life (the super-religious/woo type who actually treat people the polar opposite of what they preach). One of them was my own mother, though she got better in later years (still hoping she doesn't slide back).
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
You're lucky, my Female Biological Parent only gets worse with age. Half the family refuses to speak with those who still have contact with her. She's an extremely toxic narcissist whose greatest joy seems to be lying just to cause havoc and going out of her way to hurt others (& killing my pets). "Karens" ain't got nothing on "Suellens"!!!
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Justin Seagull 4 years ago
We shouldn't spread hate but we are no place to tell others how to feel.
#32
Any kind of 'tough love'. "Other people have it worse" or "Kids should get bullied to toughen up" (Yes someone actually said this to me).
Raine Soo 4 years ago
My mom was very big on tough love. She would try to nag me into submission. All it did was build up my resentment toward her. Yes, there was backtalk from my part, which infuriated her even more. I laugh about it now, but trust me, I was a frustrated teenager and young adult.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
Same. My mom had a seriously toxic anger issue and I grew up avoiding upsetting everyone around me as a young adult lest I invoke their wrath (it was a hot minute before I realized that not only is this unhealthy but not everyone is going to shred me to pieces for simply disagreeing with them)
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I grew up with the "toughen up, shut up" parent. To this day when people say stuff like, 'Well, your father thought you could handle it," I want to scream. Yes, others had it worse. Does that mean my broken ribs were okay?!
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
My family is more like, you can handle it, don't cry and make a scene, but if you need help, we are with you every step of the way. I think that if they say that, they should apologize and try to help.
Load More Replies... Mimi777 4 years ago
Or “I suffered through XYZ and I turned out just fine so it’s no big deal if you suffer through it as well!”
Leilani Feliciano 4 years ago
"Turned out just fine" and more often than not actually have undiagnosed mental health problems or severe rejection issues, etc.
Load More Replies... Jace 4 years ago
Tough love is BULLLLLLSHIT! This is one of those poisonous pop-psychology myths/fads that got entrenched and is LOVED by the "bootstraps" and bullying types all the world over. This one is so toxic it deserves to be higher on the list, above the "fake animal rescue videos" one that I have never once heard of (and might be something blown out of proportion). This tough love bulllshit is WAY entrenched because it justifies the behavior of assholes, selfish shitheadded douchebagles, libertarians & republicans, entrepreneurs, and other aggressive and callous types who want to disclaim any responsibility for how their actions affect other human beings (usually because that's inconvenient for them, while walking on the backs of others, in their climbing and clawing for success). It's the perfect fake psychology meme to support their sociopathic "game theory" world view.
Vivian Ingram 4 years ago
There is always someone who has it worse than you- someone in the US complains about how hard it is to be a woman and someone tells her at least you aren't in Iran or somewhere like that. The woman in Iran it told that at least she wasn't forced to get married at 13. The girl who was forced to get married at 13 is told at least her husband doesn't hit her. The girl who's husband abuses her is told that at least she isn't in Africa starving. The starving African girl is told that at least she doesn't have a bunch of siblings she has to care for as well. There is ALWAYS someone suffering more than you. That doesn't mean your suffering doesn't matter, or that it doesn't suck.
Bisexual Tiger 4 years ago
My mom sometimes says that I should be bullied so I would care more about my appearence. *Shudder* It's a tough life...
Funtime Taylor 4 years ago
I have said to MYSELF "Stop crying over something so stupid, other people have it worse" and I realized that this is toxic (even though I continue to do so) and that it stems from my Dad trying to guilt trip me into doing something.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
I'm not a fan of tough love, but I also don't believe in coddling your kids and protecting them from everything, including their own feelings. Teach them the realities of life early. That way you teach them to deal with life's ups and downs without popping a fuse.
#33
All those fake animal rescue videos on YouTube.
AJ 4 years ago
Can't help thinking that when there's a demand for resque pets, doesn't that create supply of resque pets.
Deborah B 4 years ago
There's already an existing supply of rescue pets...they're just being euthanised due to lack of demand.
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Scagsy 4 years ago
I saw one about a guy and kitten and he just kept abusing it, throwing it in a lake etc. just for likes on his social media page. People like that should be shot.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
I really hope you reported that. They need to be prosecuted and censored. It's not Freedom of Speech, it's glorifying abuse and perpetuating torture.🙀😿😾
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Hermitbunny 4 years ago
So some of the ways you can tell a rescue video is fake; 1) eye catching picture of the animal, usually looking very sad or hurt, almost always a baby 2) clickbaity title "newborn puppy trapped in fishing line!", "kitten rescued just in time!" 3) the animal itself appears in multiple rescue videos, or it looks different in different parts of the video, different markings, etc. 4) the animal is trapped in a way that is highly unlikely, like not just trapped, but so trapped it's hard to understand the more you think about it 5) the rescuer just so happens along in the nick of time, while filming 6) wounds that don't match up or make sense in context of the video, example- puppy has been 'attacked by another dog', but has cuts instead of bite marks or scratches, and finally 7) the channel has multiple rescue videos that follow the same format. Hope this helps✌
Shieshie Sweetie Kiss 4 years ago
People who made those fake animal rescue videos are the worst kind of people
Petra Schaap 4 years ago
i know this "fake rescue video!" thing has been around for a while. How do you know its fake? Or is it just a thing that started living its own live? "another of those fake video's" ?? just wondering....
brokenapollo 4 years ago
I don't know how to tell but I do remember this one guy who kept "rescuing" the same puppies over and over who looked worse and worse each time until they died. It does happen, unfortunately. :/
Load More Replies... cah 4 years ago
Yeah why are they filming all that instead of immediately helping the poor animals.
Adrián Kovács 4 years ago
I tell you why. I'm working in animal welfare for 5 years now. Helping the animals in need is the utmost priority, but people on social media gives the funds for it. Otherwise we could close and those yearly 500-800 animals we take in, wouldn't get help.
Load More Replies... Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
The best cat I ever had for a companion came right off the street. I didn't have to do a video about rescuing Ragamuffin and her unborn kittens for bragging rights.
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Hermien Greeff 4 years ago
I do not have a problem with kill shelters. I think it is more humane to put an animal gently to sleep than to keep them in a shelter for years hoping they get adopted. For every happy adoption story, there are more unhappy stories where the animal gets put to sleep after years in a shelter. We could have spared them that.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Problem is that we don't know if someone is going to show up tomorrow to adopt the pet put down today. And in good shelters, they're treated better than in some purported "good homes". It's "apples and oranges" to a dog or cat, where they are. There are reasons for euthanasia, but not just because no one's picked them yet.
Load More Replies... Robert Thompson 4 years ago
Having a pet is like having a child, it is a personal choice. Not something to present for the world to judge.
#34
Teachers working overtime/sacrificing for their students/fundraising for anything/etc. Most news articles that hit national headlines about teachers are toxic af.
"student raises money for his former teacher found living in a car"
"principal works 2nd job to help homeless students have clean clothes and food"
Raine Soo 4 years ago
This is just so sad. The education system should be properly funded by government, so there are less stories like these.
aj B 4 years ago
Thing is, a lot of it is better funded then people think (probably still not properly) unfortunately like all businesses somehow top level administration keeps getting a lot of the money funneled to them. two or three times in a row the superintendent or similar in this district has somehow made off with a few million dollars in school funding. Perhaps if we stopped giving them access to that kind of money and paying them 100 times what teachers are making we could give proper salaries to the people actually working.
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Vasana Phong 4 years ago
This indeed is sad, as much as you hear about it on a daily, you never really hear anything being done, sad when teachers in some areas do not even get paid enough, but buy school supplies for their students out of their pockets. The teachers that care and go out of their way, are true heroes in my heart.
LeAnn Murch 4 years ago
Nothing ever gets done because they see these stories "like see they made a way to make it work so they don't need the funds." It's sad but as long as the suits are comfortable they don't give a crap.
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Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago (edited)
Our system stinks... it's like it's set up to keep the generations stupid so they won't see how they're being cheated and lied to. It's sad.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
Like healthcare must be an American thing. I don't heat of it here in Canada.
Jace 4 years ago
The USA is fundamentally broken, and it has everything to do with the so-called conservative right-wing political party. They're more of a cult, at this point, than a political party. They worship money and success, blame poor people, immigrants, and minorities for everything that's wrong (while the blamers are causing it themselves by exploiting all of those groups with politics and capitalism, scapegoating them, and breaking systems meant to help people). They push myths/propaganda about how all it takes to succeed is hard work (BULLLSHIT), while making it impossible to get anywhere with hard work. They cut funding for every social system, and throw corporate contractors at us for "services" & tell us to go to church. They're overtly destructive to society and don't seem to comprehend what society is supposed to be, which isn't surprising since so many of them are sociopaths that our toxic culture has elevated to positions of power and authority. Education is their enemy.
#35
Spending so much time on social media to show everyone else how wholesome your life is.
Fee Hofmann 4 years ago
I mainly go on fb to complain about everything. 😅
Load More Replies... 𝔹𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕒 4 years ago
Here’s a little message to all you people obsessing over a Kardashian’s pic on social media: people only show you their “highlight reel” on social media. All you see is their good moments. Every person on social media had bad moments too, they just don’t show them to you. So don’t look at someone’s pic and say’ “OMG their life is perfect!!” Cause it’s probably not. They’re only showing you the good stuff, not the bad.
Julia Larsson 4 years ago
A family member of mine went on a vacation during the pandemic just to then post pictures of it online. Even in these times they had to show everyone what an interesting life they live. I CAN NOT
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
That, Julia, is a narcissist and I'll guess they've been gloating and oh so pleased with themselves over it 🙄
Load More Replies... #36
Spouses being their partners EVERYTHING. it's okay to have other friends, actually it's even healthy to have a robust social life in which you get different things out of your relationships with different people
AJ 4 years ago
Damn covid19 my partner has become about the only person I've seen in a year! Though we've agreed be both need a lot alone time now when neither of us barely have other relationships.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
This is a far easier pit to fall into than most people realize. Throw in some kids, bills, a shared household and a parent with ailing health and before you know it, it's just you & them and you're more like roommates or coworkers than lovers or even friends. Having a healthy relationship almost demands that you have other people or at least a person, besides your SO, that you can be open and honest with. My hubby of 20 years is without question, my best friend but we fell into a rut of monotonous routine and toxic codependency that almost broke us around the time his dad died. It took a lot of work and rediscovery of ourselves to find some balance & eventually, happiness again.
Celeste Grant 4 years ago
I think that depends on the people involved. If both parties are happy not having much of an social life out the relationship then it isn't for others to judge or tell them that they should. It becomes problematic when one partner is stopping the other seeing their friends for example.
Everything_Fubar 4 years ago
I could never be with a control freak. My best friends are mostly of the opposite gender because I tend to get along with them better. So many people would have a problem with that and I wouldn't take it.
Kieu Le 4 years ago
Maybe it's the same kind of toxic judgement when defined a relationship healthy or not by "you should have friends and social life". If someone prefers a quiet life and their partner is everything to them, it's their personal choice, nothing to do with judgemental outsiders' opinion.
Chris Meyers 4 years ago
their is a whole 12 step fellowship for this CODA: Co-dependence Anon.
Franc Esca 4 years ago
I hate this and its tye reason why so many people float from one relationship to another instead of choosing quality instead of indifference quantity
#37
Baby onesies that say stuff. Some are innocent...a lot are not. I'm a first time mom to a 6mo son. My child is not here to make grandma feel like a "mother without rules". And keep that "chick magnet" [nonsense] outta my face.
angie but who cares 4 years ago
some people are mad at having gay charecters in shows but will put baby girls in shat like this Screenshot...b3f9ed.png 
Snake of Eden 4 years ago
I KNOW, It's so annoying. "They are gonna make our kids gay!", Sit down Sharon, I've been conditioned to be straight my whole life and I still turned out gay, calm down
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Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
i looked up girl baby clothes. i saw one that said "daddy's other chick". like what? she's a baby girl not a freaking 20-something woman. for boy baby clothes? one says "lock up your daughters". huh? HE'S A BABY
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Although a friend of mine had a onesie snow outfit for her newborn that was shaped like a football so every time she carried him, it looked like she was about to score a touchdown.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
The amount of sexualization that I see in even infant clothing is appalling. Bikinis for infant girls that are literally designed to give the illusion of an adult women's body, short shorts and skirts for toddlers? What the actual eff?
#38
"We're all just one big family!"
If anyone tells you this in a workplace setting, run. They're only like a family in the sense of the most toxic parts of one that exploit you.
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
This should directly translate into the literal definition of family- doing work/ chores/ whatever for very little recognition or appreciation.
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Niki Bohanon 4 years ago
And you’re only “family” when it’s yo their benefit. When you’re no longer needed, you’re cast out.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I have a relative whoc ommitted murder. Trust me, if you say "we're like family", I will be out the door so fast....
Sheyanne Valiante 4 years ago
Lmaooooo I'm literally in the process of quitting my job for this
Analyn Lahr 4 years ago
Right? Just because I spend 8 hours A day, 5 days a week with you people doesn't mean we're family. Though, I do like some of them more than actual family members.
Ginny Weasley 4 years ago
unless you are all close friends over time and you guys are close enough ¨like family.¨
Hanna Moilanen 4 years ago
I have 300 or more collagues in our firm. It is impossible to love or even know them all. And all of them don't love or know me either, and that's just fine with me.
Soggy Crumpet 4 years ago (edited)
Totally disagree with this post. You can be close enough with your co-workers after any length of time that they feel like family. I have worked with people for YEARS that feel like my 2nd family. I am well treated and respected and well-paid.
TheAnimalLady 4 years ago
Then you are the lucky exception to the rule. Because the others are right, whether you agree or not.
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#39
Youtube kids channels. The ones aimed at older audiences are literally better for a child than the kids ones.
Adam 4 years ago
SPIDERMAN CHEATS ON ELSA!!!!??? OMG NOT CLICKBAIT!!!! WOW!!! SURPRISE SPONSOR!!!!
Aroha 4 years ago
YouTube is full of extremely disturbing "children's" videos, where familiar character engage in very adult behaviours... Everything from voyeurism to harder stuff, to phobias and fetishes. And they will play after a real kids' show... Disgusting stuff.
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Šimon Špaček 4 years ago
Are you sure you want to know? Are you 100% sure? You cannot unsee it after.
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Bean flavored Fujioshi 4 years ago (edited)
:/ ok so children channels for like 6 and younger needs to teach your child about like...kindness and things like that.....just wanted to say that ^^ enjoy your day (im lucky I grew up watching shows that thought me stuff.... ;-; I've seen what my 4-year-old cousin watches and he talks like an over-enthusiastic streamer)
Diane Aguilar 3 years ago
I would recommend any children interested in streamers go to truly family-friendly ones; there's one I sub to named Serge Yager who does really chill gaming streams and I would let any child of any age watch his content.
Load More Replies... Bacony Cakes 4 years ago (edited)
I'm pretty sure YT kids-oriented channels release 14Gy of radiation an hour, and the amount INCREASES with age.
𝔹𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕒 4 years ago
I don’t disagree that YouTube kids stuff is kinda dumb and toxic, but YouTube is full of terrible content that young kids shouldn’t see, so that’s why they have to resort to watching this stuff.
Bacony Cakes 4 years ago
This stuff passes the "SNAFU Line". You don't wanna pass the SNAFU Line.
Load More Replies... #40
News stories like "CEO sees employee dumpster diving for food and buys them a headlamp" or "Kid works manual labor to pay off school lunch debt for entire class"
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
But they were actual headlines and they do reflect how twisted the US society has become. It's amusing for outsiders, it's very sad for people living in the US.
#41
Anything where abled people treat disabled people like accessories. Some examples are the popular girl asking the disabled boy to prom after ignoring him for most of high school. Another example is those TikTok accounts that are run by an abled person that treats their disabled friend/family member like a show pony.
SCP-096 4 years ago (edited)
Greeting fellow autistic person. How's it goin?
Load More Replies... #42
People that tell you "you wont fail ...". I get what they are trying to say but there is a certain point where I just want to hear "its ok if you fail"
Thomas Helms 4 years ago
It's definitely okay to fail. You will either learn how to not do something or learn that whatever you're doing is simply not for you. What's important is that you tried and learned from the experience. And as long as you gave it your best, that's all you can ask for.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
It truly depends on what you fail tho. If you fail at a test and you usually make splendid grades, it's ok, you got off on one test. You won't die. But if you fail at, let's say, something super important, like a bridge a work, you create it and then it collapses, that's not ok to fail. Fail the prototype, not the real deal.
Load More Replies... JennyLaRue 4 years ago
I saw a great quote the other day: "you either succeed or you learn". It's so important to know that failure isn't failure, it's just part of the learning process. (it's taken me way too long to learn that myself!)
EA 4 years ago
I hate the “do or do not, there is no try” mantra. Basically says if you fail you haven’t worked hard enough. Utter bullshite. We all make mistakes, we will do things wrong from time to time. Nobody is perfect and gets everything 100% right all the time! Don’t measure yourself on your ‘failures’, but how much you did manage to achieve.
Uncommon Boston 4 years ago
Failing is how we learn, knowing you can survive failure gives you confidence to keep trying new things. Winners lose far more than losers. Loser fail once and quit. Often winners have an equally difficult time with a task, they just keep trying. As kids life wasn't about avoiding failure, but giving up too easily.
Carol Emory 4 years ago (edited)
Also let them know that failure is not the end. You take what you learned and try again. Some of the worlds most famous inventors failed hundreds of times before reaching that final breakthrough.
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
Failure is a detour, not a roadblock. Fall down seven times, get up eight times.
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Lorelai Dewrell 4 years ago
my dad allways says as long as you did you best or a f for trying is better than an a for cheating
Heather Makemson 4 years ago
Honestly, if you've never failed at something you're either probably lying or not out there trying too many things. I'm an excellent baker but I CANNOT get a red velvet cake right to save my life. A literal catalog of various red velvet catastrophes.
Virgil Sanders 4 years ago (edited)
sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can hurt for years
Load More Replies... #43
Never taking no for an answer No means no, trying to push anyone to do ANYTHING after they physically refuse is a horrible sign
Uncommon Boston 4 years ago
An older sibling is not obligated to entertain younger siblings. Playing with kids their own age, doing things based on their maturity level, not their sibling's, is better for both. The younger child is taught their needs are more important, the older child learns to give in to others -- manipulated by factors out of their control. It is unhealthy for both. This question scares me, I hope you are kidding.
Load More Replies... #44
Social media posts of people sharing their “good deed” or “act of kindness”. Especially when it’s some annoying elaborate thing that completely ignores existing social supports (like collecting and then handing out food donations instead of oh, idk, REGULARLY SUPPORTING THE FOOD BANK) or they just give money to a “poor” person and then force that person to pose with them. Or worse - film them.
Proud gold rose 4 years ago (edited)
My dad does this but different, today he did his usual run on the beach he found a man of war jellyfish and helped it get back into the water. He recorded it but only to show me didn’t tell anyone else other then me and my mom and didn’t post it.
Kyra Swanson 4 years ago
that's different, though. now, im not trying to diss your or you in any way but i feel like a lot of people wouldve found that cool instead of toxic. a man o' war jellyfish? those things are insane! i love how they look. how did he get it back into the water?
Load More Replies... Anna Banana 4 years ago
I completely agree when it involves other humans. However I genuinely like the posts of people who, for example, go to the beach / for a jog and clean up, then post a picture with a bag full of trash. I love that this is becoming a trend now.
LesAnimaux 4 years ago
The hardest thing about doing an act of kindness is NOT TELLING ANYONE ABOUT IT
Madzdad the bard 4 years ago
Adding to that the whole "fail forward" positivity. Sometimes failing really does mean you should go toward a different goal.
Shadow4523 4 years ago
yea, support food banks, it is not always good to give straight money to poor people, they might buy drugs, so please donate to the food bank
#45
The "martyr mom" idea that you have to sacrifice 100% of your life for your kids. Absolutely parenting takes sacrifices, but I have seen some people act like they can't do ANYTHING for themselves anymore because they have children. For example, a woman I work with ended up with a half day at work while her kids were at school so she had 3-4 hours of unexpected free time. I suggested she got get a mani-pedi or something else fun for just her. She told me "I could never do that, I have kids!" Lady, your kids are safely at school and this is found time. It doesn't make you a better parent to neglect yourself, especially when it isn't even necessary. You don't have to be puke covered, unshowered, and unhappy to be a good parent.
SoozeeQ 4 years ago
She may have meant, she couldn't afford a mani-pedi *because* she has kids. Those are expensive, and if she's on a tight budget ...
Jupittance 4 years ago
Or maybe a mani-pedi would be ruined, at least the mani- part, within a few hours of getting home and dealing with the 101 manual tasks of parenting.
Load More Replies... JennyLaRue 4 years ago
A large part of parenting is being a role model and inspirational, and kids seeing those around them taking part in things that interest them, they enjoy, working for a living or or something they want to achieve, are usually inspired to also seek out their own interests or ambitions.
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
I also cringe when I see all those usernames on social media like Tired Mom or Momster... like motherhood was the defining feature of their personality. Yes, you have kids, we get it, now go and have some life
Carol Emory 4 years ago
My mother had no problem letting us know we were a burden to her and ruined her life. Now she can't understand why we never come around.....
#46
“Good Vibes Only” posting. Let people experience real emotions, Sarah, not insta-perfect emulations of surfer chill
#47
Crowdfunding for medical costs, kids having lemonade stands to pay for cancer treatment, etc.
S. Tor Storm 4 years ago
how is this toxic? what utter bs. The reason why it happens is toxic.
Monday 4 years ago
That's the point. The fact that crowdfunding is relied on instead of the government. They're not shaming the folks doing it, they're shaming the system that requires it.
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Princess Toadstool 4 years ago
I see people doing that on insta a lot.. especially lgbtq folk trying to escape unsafe environments
Freya the Wanderer 4 years ago
The same people who howl about how much Medicare For All will cost don't bat an eye when the "defense" budget is increased or the ultra-rich and Big Business get fat tax breaks.
Yugan Talovich 4 years ago
I guess you can't have reasonable national health care because oh my heavens socialism!! communism!!
#48
Acting like babies are “flirting” with people for smiling, waving, or paying any attention towards another individual of the opposite sex.
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
there are baby clothes that act like the babies are a lot older than they are. i saw one for a baby girl that said "daddy's other chick"... she's a dang baby not a 20-something woman
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
I do like it when you see one baby staring at another like they're thinking..."OMG..I thought I was the only short person around here....." Especially when they smile and get excited at seeing someone just like them.
#49
Every so often I'll see a 'cute wildlife' photo that is very obviously staged, probably to the stress of the animal/s in question. Its absolutely [messed up], but because people keep sharing them on social media, some [jerks] out there will keep on essentially torturing animals just so we can go 'Awww!'.
brukernavn340 4 years ago
I've seen a couple of them here on BP though. For example the one with the "magical human and animal bond". https://www.boredpanda.com/surreal-animal-photography-katerina-plotnikova/
#50
Most relationships shown on TV
#51
Jealousy over other people in your parter’s life. Why the hell do we romanticize that?
Marianne 4 years ago
"Your husband has lunch with a female colleague? Why do you allow that??" - "Because I'm not a psychopath and also I cannot ban him from a social life?"
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Let alone tell him to stop having those business lunches which are part of his job.
Load More Replies... #52
Expecting everyone to come home/be around during the holidays. Considering people have jobs that don't stop being necessary just because a certain day of the year comes around, many people move far away from the family nest, just as many people are having personal issues that make it impossible to travel/miss work and, again, just as many people have started settling down to have families of their own, the notion that everyone must drop whatever it is that's going on in their lives and converge in a single location on a single day is just ridiculous and stressful.
Eslamala 4 years ago
Must be a U.S thing. Here we don't expect other adults to do whatever we want.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Also expecting the person who left to always be the one to travel. My family complains all the time (even now) that I barely visit (I do it minimum twice a year). But in the eight years that I have lived away y parents came three days to visit me once. They have never come back and nobody else of my family has come. But they complain about me.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
During the holidays I'm having holidays, so I go where I want to go and no one is telling me that I'm confined to my 4 walls for their convenience.
King Joffrey 4 years ago
Apart from emergency services, no job is 'necessary' at Christmas or similar.
Carol Emory 4 years ago (edited)
I had a sister in law that couldn't understand this. She called my husband anti-social because he never came over for Christmas or Thanksgiving. I said A) he's not salary, he's hourly..if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid and B) as chaotic as his work is day in and day out, when he has a chance to have the house to himself, why should he give it up to come socialize and C) why waste your few days off going to a family event that will degrade into fighting and yelling. Lastly...you guys live 125 miles away. I don't exactly seeing you peeling your A$$ off the couch to come see us, we always have to go to your house....why?
#53
Hustle culture.
Two Silly Pups 4 years ago
True, but there is nothing wrong with taking days off and spend some quality time out of workplace and without your colleagues
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WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Working is a necessary evil to be able to live a good life. You need to minimize the first and maximize the second.
What do you think ?
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Can we go one day on BP without the "let's all sneer at someone else" posts, and just look at cute animals more?
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yes i need cute and happy and less angst pls BP. Even just for a day. Fine me funnily timed photos and naughty pets and cutie patoot animals etc
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kjorn 4 years ago
hiring woman BECAUSE you have a quota of woman, racial people, people with disability. it suck. i need people with skill... not a skin color, or genre. SKILLS!!!
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
did you mean to say gender instead of genre? because if so, keep it as genre. it's more fun.
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Thomas Biorogue 4 years ago
I think people don't know what "Toxic" means. It's almost the way people misuse "Literally."
c.VIII 4 years ago
agreed. it's so overused the word itself aggravates me at this point.
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Joe Mama 4 years ago
This is just my opinion, but I kind of think this post is toxic. The last thing we need is a list of things that make us angry/ more pointing fingers. I just want to see something positive, like cute little animals 😅
JT Thompson 4 years ago
I disagree with about half of these. I believe, if anything, it's the intention behind the action that makes it toxic. Example: growing up in New Orleans, some schools needed funding so fundraising helped kids with essentials. Also I feel this quote: "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is taken out of context. It's more having to deal with someone who is having a rough time such as perhaps losing a job and people leaving because of that.
Penny Kemper 4 years ago
Most of them aren't toxic. But yes why Publicize your charity? The write doesn't like it and the rest of us don't care because we have bigger things to worry about.
Jordan Smith 4 years ago
Downvote me to hell, I dont care, but kids that do amazing things that everyone should know how to do. Let me explain. There was an incident recently where a kid performed CPR on his sister to save her life. Which that's great. But that isnt the issue. The issue is the parents now knowing what do to. Everyone should know how to do CPR. But they didnt, which is the issue. And they also didnt see that the daughter was choking, which is worse. So the last thing was for the kid to save his sister's life. If the parents were just a little bit smarter, then there would be no story there. It's simply just a kid knowing what to do when the parents suck.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Can we go one day on BP without the "let's all sneer at someone else" posts, and just look at cute animals more?
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yes i need cute and happy and less angst pls BP. Even just for a day. Fine me funnily timed photos and naughty pets and cutie patoot animals etc
Load More Replies... kjorn 4 years ago
hiring woman BECAUSE you have a quota of woman, racial people, people with disability. it suck. i need people with skill... not a skin color, or genre. SKILLS!!!
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
did you mean to say gender instead of genre? because if so, keep it as genre. it's more fun.
Load More Replies... Thomas Biorogue 4 years ago
I think people don't know what "Toxic" means. It's almost the way people misuse "Literally."
c.VIII 4 years ago
agreed. it's so overused the word itself aggravates me at this point.
Load More Replies... Joe Mama 4 years ago
This is just my opinion, but I kind of think this post is toxic. The last thing we need is a list of things that make us angry/ more pointing fingers. I just want to see something positive, like cute little animals 😅
JT Thompson 4 years ago
I disagree with about half of these. I believe, if anything, it's the intention behind the action that makes it toxic. Example: growing up in New Orleans, some schools needed funding so fundraising helped kids with essentials. Also I feel this quote: "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is taken out of context. It's more having to deal with someone who is having a rough time such as perhaps losing a job and people leaving because of that.
Penny Kemper 4 years ago
Most of them aren't toxic. But yes why Publicize your charity? The write doesn't like it and the rest of us don't care because we have bigger things to worry about.
Jordan Smith 4 years ago
Downvote me to hell, I dont care, but kids that do amazing things that everyone should know how to do. Let me explain. There was an incident recently where a kid performed CPR on his sister to save her life. Which that's great. But that isnt the issue. The issue is the parents now knowing what do to. Everyone should know how to do CPR. But they didnt, which is the issue. And they also didnt see that the daughter was choking, which is worse. So the last thing was for the kid to save his sister's life. If the parents were just a little bit smarter, then there would be no story there. It's simply just a kid knowing what to do when the parents suck.
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