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“Too Bad, We Can’t Have All We Want”: 61 Of The Wildest Conversations Childfree People Have Ever Had
Many couples nowadays think more than twice before deciding if they want to have kids. As a society, we're more aware of how much time, work, and sacrifice it takes to raise a human being. But, more importantly, we understand that it's not a duty, but a choice.
According to the Pew Research Center, the number of people in their 20s and 30s who plan to have children dropped from about 90% in 2012 to 76% in 2023. In 10 years, attitudes toward being parents have changed significantly. Each person has a different story and reasoning, yet one thing unites most of them.
It's the constant comments from other people: "You'll change your mind." Or "You will want them when you meet the right person." Childfree people hear a lot of wild things directed at them almost daily, and we're highlighting the weirdest reasons folks have given them for why they "should have" children.
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#1
"Maybe if you got pregnant, [your husband] wouldn't be so angry all the time!".
Diviern:
So many women learn the hard way that having a child with an angry man just makes him even more angry and resentful.
StrangeOne 5 hours ago
I've gotten the "Just give him s*x and he won't be so angry." No baby should be produced in that kind of relationship.
RELATED:
#2
"Just have one so you don't feel alone."
But I like feeling alone. It's quiet, peaceful, I have space to think and feel and travel and write and read. Alone is not the same as lonely! Also, I have a dog.
imnotlouise:
My husband and I have been separated fir a few years, our kids are grown, and I now occasionally get to enjoy not having to do anything for anyone. I love my alone time!
Upstaged75 7 hours ago
Anyone who worries about me feeling alone clearly doesn't understand how being an introvert works. 😂 Everyone in my family is an extrovert, so they definitely don't get it. Plus I'm not alone - I have 2 cats. 😁
#4
I’m chronically ill and a doctor told me if I had a baby it would distract me from my debilitating symptoms.
mihio94:
Similar one here, expect they said that getting a baby might fix some of my symptoms. I was 21, single and went to the doctor because of debilitating exhaustion and chronic pain so bad that I could barely take care of my basic needs.
Sure, adding a baby to that sounds like a great idea!
Later on I learned that with the combination of symptoms I had, it was actually more likely that a pregnancy would cause a severe flare up of my illness.
laarbor:
I have multiple female family members with reproductive illnesses who were told to have a child to cure or help “distract” them. My aunt has PCOS and was told she should get pregnant to get a year’s break from her body trying to ovulate. She ended up getting a hysterectomy after her last child.
My SIL was told that getting pregnant would cure her endometriosis or at least stop its spread and break up the lesions in her uterus? She ended up needing laparoscopic surgery that showed endometrium throughout her whole abdomen all the way up to her throat, which explained the cyclical vomiting every cycle. Somehow I don’t think pregnancy would’ve cured that.
On the other hand I had a heart arrhythmia that spontaneously cured during pregnancy and hasn’t come back so I got that going for me. My cardiologist was pretty sure it would either not change or get worse during pregnancy but here we are. If only we funded research to better understand physiological gender differences or cared about diseases that only affected women
#5
I have kids but my best friend is childfree by choice. A few years ago we were hanging out at a bar and a drunk woman heard us chatting about it and told her that she should have kids because other women can't.
"You should spend tens of thousands of dollars and sacrifice your income and free time becuase someone else is infertile" is such a wild take.
GnedTheGnome:
It's an extreme version of, "Clean your plate. There are kids starving in Ethiopia!"
ankhes:
That sounds like what happened to my friend and I. We were at a restaurant talking about kids (she’s a mom and I’m happily childfree) and the woman sitting behind us turns around and interrupts us with “Oh I thought that way too! Then I had kids! Never say never!”
I stared her in the eye and replied “I can’t have children.” (which is true, I had a hysterectomy).
A look of horror washed over her and she choked out “Oh.” Then she hastily turned back to her meal and hustled out of the restaurant in record time.
The moral of this story is: don’t say stuff like that unless you’re willing to hear some deeply uncomfortable things in return.
Sally Moen 9 hours ago
I believe this is the basis for the beliefs of pro-life people. They themselves have endured infertility and assume that a woman getting pregnant but unable to raise a baby is selfish.They get very angry about abortion but explaining why abortions are a necessary part of healthcare doesn't exactly penetrate their brain. They feel cheated. It's all projecting their guilt and grief onto others without thought about the decision-making going into having an abortion: it's unselfish to not want to raise a child in a***e, or in poverty.
#6
"I want grandchildren"
Well too bad, we can't have all we want in life.
xenchik:
My dad loved kids. Being a dad was all he ever wanted, and he excelled at it. I remember the day he sold our childhood train set, the family buying it came over, and he got so excited showing the kid how it all worked ... He just loved kids.
Before he died, I apologised to him that he'd never had any grandkids. I felt guilty. He snorted and said, Look, I'm just glad you're happy. It's much better for me that I have happy kids, than if I had some grandkids but my kids were unhappy.
I'll always remember that.
Linzcro:
That’s what I tell my daughter when she asks how I’d feel if she didn’t have kids. I’d love being a grandmother for sure, but I love being my girls mom most. I want to see her happy and I deeply believe having kids is rough on people even under the best circumstances.
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
I don’t know if I,ll ever be a grandmother n that’s ok by me. My daughter almost 25 made it clear at 15 she was not having kids her teacher came back after maternity leave lol n described in detail having the baby l my lass was like F that im adopting 🤣which is also fine by me ❤️but at min she’s not interested at all, I had her at 35 so she’s got plenty of time ,n my son to 22 as long as they are happy and safe what more could a parent ask for ❤️
#7
I was told that "not having kids is selfish". I couldn't believe it when they said it, just stunned silence.
When I asked them how not having kids is selfish, they said that my parents probably wanted grandchildren. I told them that if my parents only had kids so they could have grandkids, then they had kids for the wrong reasons.
All this coming from a visibly exhausted dad who was clearly fed up with his 3 kids, which I thought was wild.
If you want to have kids, that's cool! Or not, that's also fine! But don't try to guilt others into having kids, it's a choice couples can make themselves.
Zelmi:
Misery loves company? That sounds like "I had to, so should you" imo
fluffy_doughnut:
I always wonder how is it selfish? To whom? Who suffers from me being selfish? A child that doesn’t exist? Where’s the logic?
I guess people who say that mean that those without children are „selfish” because they choose to do whatever they want while those with children can’t and it’s not fair. They’re just bitter lol
#8
What if you regret it later?
No one asks people who want kids if they'll regret it later, and it's much better to regret not having kids than to regret having them.
Charming_Web_6738:
I actually have a friend who’s mother regretted never having kids when she was younger. So… guess what she did as she got a little older? Adopted my friend and now she has a great life.
pandamaxxie:
"I'll just adopt if I ever change my mind" is a very healthy mentality that I don't understand why it's not common.
Like, my girlfriend and I can't have kids, and we both agree that kids are a distant if ever thing. She's a lot more interested in it than I am, but I'm not opposed if late enough either. I wanna live my life first, yknow?
But like... I don't get what folks have against adopting. It's great! Like what you said, it makes the parent their life better, and the life of the kid!
JessSly:
I always take care of strays. Metaphorically. When my neighbour got old I took him to doctors appointments and went shopping for him. When he went to live in a retirement home I kept his dog. Doggo was 14, with a bad hip, kidney problems, almost deaf and not trained at all. He would've been put down in a shelter. That way I could take him with me to visit the neighbour. I also adopted a senior cat with kidney problems from a shelter. Last year I adopted two cats from our shelter that were in a special, open area where they could hide from humans. My boy cat was/is traumatized and spent the first month in the cat tree hissing at me. The girl cat was a stray and still won't let me touch her. We cuddle with my face against her :D At the shelter works an old woman (80+) who I stayed in contact with. This Friday I'm going to her place to assemble a wardrobe she ordered. Also last year a carrier pigeon came to my patio and stayed with me for a week. I gave her food and water and she walked around like a foot away from me as if she knew I would take care of her.
I'm nearing my 40s and would love to have kids, but I'm single and gay, so there aren't many chances. Pretty sure a child will find its way into my life one way or another. The neighbours boy explained that to his mom 'Like when Jess finds a girlfriend who already has a child'. Cool kid, had no idea he knew I was gay. Maybe I should adopt him, but he's officially an adult, I don't think that would work.
#9
"Thats selfish."
How the hell is it selfish to NOT bring another live into the world? Did you ask consent to your child before you tore them from the freedom of the void?
Dorkitron:
I told a friend I don't want kids because I'm too selfish. I don't want to make the sacrifices parents have to make.
The response was her angrily telling me you CAN'T be selfish when you're a parent.
Right. That's my point.
Space Invader 8 hours ago
The "it's selfish" argument pairs beautifully with "who's going to take care of you when you're old".
#10
“Who will you give your inheritance to?”
Our answer was
1. Orphanage
2. An Old age home
3. Some sort of educational foundation that supports kids in need
4. To a Temple that will serve food to the needy.
The outrage was instant.
Elixir_13:
The fact that those people reacted to "I want my inheritance to go toward helping people" by getting angry is a little horrifying, actually.
#11
"You have depression? Have kids, they cure depression."
Like how? By making it double?
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
If anything, having kids can cause Post Partum Depression. One of the most potentially devasting kind of depression because mothers have ended their lives along with their child's life from PPD.
#12
“Who’s going to look after you when you’re old?” While we were at work in a care home.
KrystalOneTrueGem:
Me drinking a bottle of wine every weekend and surviving on top ramen 3 days in a row when I'm lazy: "when I'm what?"
diarrhea_fingerpaint:
Having children does not guarantee that they will care for you.
IceSeeker:
Exactly. Thinking that your kids will someday look after you is basically setting yourself up to disappointment. I've seen many old people who are so bitter and angry because their kids won't take care of them.
Upstaged75 7 hours ago
There are plenty of offspring who end up @busing their parents when they get old and infirm. I'd rather pay someone to take care of me and not worry about anyone feeling obligated just because we're family. My parents have set aside money for their own care as well - I will be involved because I love them, but they would never ask me to put my life on hold to do so.
#13
Not me, but I was with a child-free friend when a random guy told her that she had to have kid/s to be fully human.
Aromatic-Fuel7825:
Ah my male coworker told me that it’s our whole purpose as women. But he thought he was somehow empowering women when he said it.
spacestonkz:
I had a coworker who just lamented my childlessness for me. It was like he was mourning a miscarriage, when I've never been or tried to be pregnant. Just so upset I wouldn't feel my "full womanhood" as he put it.
Whenever he went off about it I would be like, "yo, can we just get step two of this work task done please? We don't get paid to talk about my uterus" and he got upset every time. Ugh.
#14
Because a hypothetical man in the future may want you to.
I_love_pillows:
As I guy the response:
“What if your future wife wants”
Me: “Easy I don’t marry women who want kids”
“What if they want later on”
“We will break up”
justlikeinmydreams:
Happened to me. He wanted kids, we broke up. The end.
#15
Because I’m good with kids.
I love kids - that I’m related to. And I love leaving them with their parents when I go home. People seem to think being childfree means hating children. A very small number of people are anti-natal but most of us just don’t want to have kids.
pestilencerat:
Honestly. I love kids, used to work part time at a daycare, love playing with friends' and siblings' kids, but that does not in any way translate to me wanting my own. I know i'm good with children! I like hanging out with children! It rocks so hard to give it my all for a few hours and then go home and not having to think about them what so ever
Hanging out with kids is a hobby and i have no interest in going pro
chronicsick:
Yeah, a lot of my friends are teachers, and almost every single one of them is childfree on top of that. They think just because you work with kids or good around kids means you want them.
A lot of my friends who are childfree teachers have said that they would rather die than have kids, because working with them for 6 to 8 hours a day is stressful enough.
Upstaged75 7 hours ago
One of my best friends is a Kindergarten teacher. She's been teaching for over 20 years and she loves it. But she's child-free by choice. I don't blame her at all! 😂
#16
I‘m a woman, so therefore I can‘t help myself bc I‘ll feel the urge to do so. I‘m 33, I‘m good 🧍🏻♀️.
pippintook24:
I'm 41 and have been working in childcare since I was 16. BEST. BIRTH CONTROL. EVER.
I do like kids. I love all of my nieces and nephews, and my friends kids. I just also know that I like the freedom that comes with not having kids.
kaysarahkay:
Im 36, still waiting for those instinct to kick in too
Deborah B 7 hours ago
43 yo and I was briefly worried that maternal instincts might crop up when my nephew was born - first time I held a baby in 20 years. Then I held him, and he was cute and newborn and I was just so relieved to reaffirm I never want that. He's still cute, and he's 4 and thank f**k I'm not a parent.
#17
"You're really smart you need to pass those genes on!"
Mate, I've seen smart parents have a kid who was about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. There is NO guarantee there.
oh_emmy_lou:
The sweetest but dumbest couple I know (I mean that in a nice way) have a genius level kid. The mum and I were out on a girls night and after a few drinks, she confided that she was slightly terrified of how smart her kid was, and that she couldn't relate to him in any way. She just wanted him to join a footy team and go hunting with his dad, while the kid was conducting science experiments and rebuilding computers for fun. She said he ask her questions that she couldn't answer, and school was constantly pushing them to give him extension work that she couldn't help with. It was actually quite sad.
Phlydude:
Sounds like my childhood...but I did do the sport and hunting thing as well. But my parents were not the brightest bulbs in the box and my dad would get pissed off when I completed my homework too quickly and my mother would yell at me that I ask too many questions. My grandfather even told her that it was my way of learning and that she shouldn't get mad at me for asking questions. So she told him to take me for the day...he bribed me to stop asking so many questions after a couple hours.
#18
"You'll never feel real love until you're a parent."
So..I guess you don't love your family, your friends, your partner? Must be a sad life.
IrrawaddyWoman:
Yeah, I’ve gotten this one too. Or “I don’t realize that my life didn’t have meaning until I had kids.”
Sorry, but just because YOUR life had no meaning without kids doesn’t mean that everyone’s life has no meaning without kids. Not everyone needs to have a kid keeping them busy to feel meaning.
sedahren:
Exactly. I feel meaning through many things.
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
I will say, the love I feel for my daughter is stronger than most of my family. The trust I have with her is way more than I trust my mom. It's about as close to unconditional as you get. I've loved pets more than some of my family. I've loved my cats more than a romantic partner. At the same time, not everyone has great relationships with the people others would have.
#19
"it's your job as a woman" 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
I'm not an incubator or a nanny, and jobs are things that pay money.
thatweirdguyted:
But don't you see how unfair you're being by not taking on a decades long responsibility to appease the expectations of people you barely know who won't offer any help and will judge all of your struggles and choices? It's very selfish of you.
TheBigKrangTheory:
I was told that I'm not a "real woman" until I have kids and serve my husband.
So what am I then? A potato???
Plus, my husband is fully sterile (by choice/nonreversible). You want me to cheat on him to give him kids that he doesn't want? Sounds like a plan, genius! /s
shg stewart 6 hours ago
If not having kids makes you a potato, butter my b**t and drop chives in the crack.
#20
“God has a plan for you”
I will fight your god and send that little parasite straight back to him express shipping.
Natti07:
I hate when people say that honestly. Im non religious, but i think that IF a God had a plan for my life, why would that plan have to include having children? Because there are plenty of people who are unable to have children, so if God has a plan, does that mean those people just don't get to be included? So annoying
wangyuzhi31:
You could say that God's plan for you is to be childless.
#21
"What do you have to show for 10 years of marriage?" My MIL asked my friend this on her 10th wedding anniversary when she came to pick up the cake i had made for her...
Squidwina:
“I have a 10-year marriage. And a cake.”
Moonwalker_For_Life:
"I have a wonderful husband and a life I built myself. What do you have, Sharon? Oh right, a divorce."
#22
"if you'll have one you'll change your mind about them!"
Umm, hell no.
I am disabled, I have crippling migraines and baby voices are my top trigger.
- I don't think pregnancy allows you to grow new nervous system that is not messed up and will now not react to high pitched noises with pain and vomiting.
SuicidePeaches:
I've gotten that one before too and it is extra messed up in my opinion. "I don't want kids but I'll have one just to see if I like it then"? How insane do you have to be to think that's an acceptable thought to have about bringing a child, another living, breathing, thinking, feeling being into this horrible show of a world?
giraffes_are_selfish:
This! My coworker told me once I had kids, I'd change my mind and want them. What?! It's scary the amount of times this has been said to me. I can't wrap my brain around it. Why are people having kids if they didn't want them in the first place? Now you're stuck with them.
Upstaged75 7 hours ago
The problem is that if you DO have kids and then you realize you hate them, you're totally out of luck. 🤷♀️ You can't just return them.
#23
I get given a lot of very abstract reasons that basically boil down to “because you’re white”. It’ll usually start with a comment about declining birth rates, and how we all need to contribute, and then if you interrogate it a little further it inevitably winds up with “yes, but we don’t want *those* people”.
#24
Just the usual bogus
- you'll regret it later (mid 40s and no)
- don't you want to pass on your genes? (no)
- humanity will die out if nobody has children (good!)
- blah blah blah.
shg stewart 6 hours ago
I usually answer the "humanity will die out" argument with "There are nearly 9 billion people living on Earth right now. Humanity isn't going extinct any time soon."
#25
Kids come with blessings.
lemons_of_doubt:
The blessing of no money, no sleep, and no free time
#26
“You get early boarding on airplanes" like what.
Layla5069:
I board without kids and I promise it is infinitely less stressful. I see how my SIL struggles.
sebs94:
As someone with kids. I board at the end, less time my kid has to sit in the airplane
shg stewart 6 hours ago
I have cerebral palsy. I get early boarding if I want it, and I don't have kids. That being said, having even a mild disability s***s.
#27
"So, then you have to do all the cleaning and garden work by yourself?“ - yes, and to me, free (or cheap) labor definitely seems like the wrong reason to have kids.
ShinyShepherd:
Also nothing cheap about children…
Taytertot0418:
Trust me those tasks are much easier alone than with a small child
IDontWannaGetOutOfBe:
Historically it has been a big reason to have kids.
Underspoken modern truth is that the utility of children is way down - it used to be they could contribute to the family's labor and income by 6 or 8 y/o, and would run off to play with their friends feral the rest of the time, unsupervised.
Now they don't work till 20+ oftentimes, you can't let them out of your sight or the police will show up at your door, and they cost about 1000x more in childcare, healthcare, food, clothing, education. It costs a few 6 figures to raise a middle class kid now.
People have a lot of theories for why kids aren't so popular anymore, and I think the simplest answer is that they cost far more (money, time, investment) and return very little, compared to a historical baseline. Well, and the invention of contraceptives that enables the choice...
To be clear I'm not saying it was good that 6 year olds worked the farm or brought in income. I'm saying it was just historical reality and no longer is. I'm also not saying they weren't loved, just that "we want them because we want something to love" was often not the first calculation made - "we need more hands" was.
#28
Im not child free. I have 3 but from observation I think the weirdest one is “whos gonna take care of you when your old.”
As a mother, i find it wild to suggest that as a legitimate reason to bring children into the world. A retirement plan. Like really?
#29
What if your husband dies young and then you're all alone?
Because that's a great reason to have kids..... instead of being alone i would be alone as a single mother to my previously unwanted children......
#30
“You’re gonna need someone to take care of you when you’re older”.
Yeah, no thanks. I’ll live in a care facility, thank you very much. Or just save up my own money to pay for someone. Or be like my neighbours who are 95. Perfectly healthy.
Comfortable-River917:
I work with elderly.. you can have 10 kids, doesn’t mean they’ll have „time” to visit
sobrique:
And maybe their 'not having time' is in proportion to how much they're expected to be servant
#31
"So you have something to discuss about with your coworkers"
Later edit: the person who told me this had 2 kids, weaned them asap at a few months and then left them with her parents in a different state to raise. She got them back when they were of middleschool age because she thought the schools in her district were better. So idk what she was talking about with her coworkera cuz she didnt raise them either?!?!
jdsizzle1:
The only work related perk I can see from having kids is paternity leave and the ability to call in sick or work from home because of your kid with no questions asked.
But then all the coworkers I do have with kids spend all their time at the office to be away from their kids so they can focus.
Space Invader 8 hours ago
Actually, I'd much rather books. Or video games. Or movies. Or hobbies. Or...
#32
The good ol “youll change your mind” can’t stand someone saying that when they don’t know my feelings or reasons about being childfree.
#33
“So you can have experiences like this!”
(The experience was my mother-in-laws son cooking dinner and us all sitting down for a meal… apparently having meals with people you love is unattainable without kids).
eejm:
UGH. My MIL was itching for us to have a kid so she could have something to do. I was dumbfounded at the idea that she could find literally nothing to do with her life other than caring for theoretical grandchildren.
We did eventually have one child and my SIL has three. My MIL quit her job the morning my SIL’s oldest son was born and set about being his full time caregiver (and his brother and sister when they came along). About ten years into that, my MIL developed dementia. She really didn’t get to spend her retirement doing anything but full time childcare. If she was fulfilled, that’s great, but it just seems kind of empty to me.
#34
"You love children" - I trained as a teacher and left 6 years into my career and intense burnout due to the fact that I am autistic and children are sensory hell.
#35
Because they wanted their child to have a cousin around the same age so they could grow up together. Note I had no partner and no job at that point.
#36
"It's selfish not to have kids" and "you're not a real adult until you have children" are the ones that annoyed me the most.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 1 hour ago
TBH you underestimate my willingness to never be a "real adult" ✌️
#37
The weirdest reason? That I'm 'wasting my potential'. My potential is being used to live exactly how I want, without asking for permission. My freedom is non-negotiable.
#38
Not fully the question but it’s very common online for people to say “unless you’re a parent you can’t have an opinion” “go have a kid yourself then I’ll listen”
I was a director level preschool lead for years and have taken much more coursework in child development than the average parent. I don’t need to physically have a child to have an opinion on your child sitting on their iPad for 10 hours a day.
Parents and especially mothers claim “mom-shaming” at any criticism that makes them feel ashamed.
#39
Well, according to my mother, you should have kids so you can have someone who loves you unconditionally and is happy about you coming home from work or whatever... she was basically describing a dog lol.
#40
"Because you'd be a good Dad"
Doesn't mean I want to be. Being a good uncle is fulfilling enough.
VictorVega66:
I heard that so many times. Both from people who (pretend to) know me but also random coworkers.
I can barely keep myself alive, am neurodivergent and occasionally forget to properly eat for 3 days straight, but sure I would be a great dad.
zuzzyb80:
Yes, I've had 'but you'd be a great mum'. I literally just told you that I don't want kids, with a relatively horrified tone, what on earth about that makes you think I'd be a good parent to these kids I don't want to have!
Space Invader 8 hours ago
If I'd be a "good parent", it would have to be because I generally make sound decisions - because only such people make good parents. Well, one of those decisions is not to have children
#41
"You'd make such pretty babies".
Charming_Web_6738:
I would d*e of embarrassment omg
EWRboogie:
I asked a guy friend of mine once if he wanted kids and he scoffed and said “of course. Look at me.”
rationalcunt:
At a recent wedding my grandma told me that I'm too pretty to not have kids. This is coming from a woman who hates children.
Euphoric-Arachnid-24:
My husband has the most beautiful curly, bright ginger hair. I have curly hair as well. We get the “imagine the baby’s ringlets/hair”. No thanks. Not having a child just to see if it would maybe, possibly come out with curly hair….. how shallow!!
#42
"Because all your friends will have kids and you'll be lonely".
First of all, FOMO does not seem like a good reason to create a human being.
Second, I'm 40F and all my friends' kids are older, and said friends are dying to hang out with me and do adult activities and talk about adult stuff. No loneliness here!
wild_ginger1:
I cherish my role as auntie to my friend’s kids and they honor my role in their lives. When we see them my spouse and I will naturally step in when the parents need a break or are otherwise occupied. Their kids call us family. One of my friends kids (5) even said she would make sure to visit me when I’m “old and living in a nursing home.” So no, I don’t think we all need our own kids, we need to help the ones that exist already if that’s fulfilling and brings joy. I also cherish getting to be home with my dog pack sans human children
Feral_doves:
Are parents not allowed to hang out with people who aren’t parents? I‘ve heard this argument too, seems weird lol. Like I get if you‘re gonna be a 35 year old pothead who just wants to smoke and play video games you might not get invited around as much, but I have friends and relatives with kids, they still invite me to things, I get along with their kids. We can’t always do the same activities we used to as easily but that’s okay, I’ve grown up too. Some of my friends just come with mini bonus friends now, what’s the big deal?
#43
"But you have child birthing hips!"
Uhh, thanks? But also, ew? Have had both a bilateral salpingectomy and a hysterectomy (uterus didn't take her obsolescence well).
Charming_Web_6738:
my mom said this to me once… like… what?
ceemee_21:
Gross thing to say about a human beings body like they're some breeding animal
Kittykg:
I had a quirky little old man doctor who zoomed around the room on his rolly chair point out on some imaging I had done that I have "a decently wide birth canal" and that if I decided to have babies, birth would likely go easy.
I'm definitely not shaped in a manner where anyone would ever say I have children bearing hips, so thats probably part of what you're saying. My hip bones are pretty prominent but I am not at all curvaceous.
Won't be having kids, either, so I'll never know if he was correct. At least I got the least offensive version of the comment.
Upstaged75 7 hours ago
TIL that I had a bilateral salpingectomy. My tubes got destroyed by endo so they too them out. No one ever told me the name of the surgery. Cool! 😁
#44
"I used to think I didn't like kids, but it's different when they're yours."
Pretty much everything this guy's ever said leads me to believe he deeply resents his kids and everything they've ever done. I'm not even sure why he's beefing with them except for the fact he never really wanted them; both have good jobs, good friend groups, and good marriages, and the stuff he brings up are just silly teenage things from twenty years ago that he's blown out of proportion.
uncrownedqueen:
That's what I used to think for the longest time growing up. I NEVER got along with children; never had the patience to even play with them, literally like we spoke different languages, always felt just awkward, like I didn't belong. My mom is a pediatrician, so I grew up seeing her interact with kids and I remember always feeling a slight envy of her ease around them. So I always thought 'it's ok, I'm sure it will be different with my own children'. I'm glad to say I chose not to go the FAFO route, I couldn't even imagine having my own kids and still feel like this. Even if there's a slight probability it would be different, there's still a non-zero chance that the awkward 'get them tf away from me' feeling would still be there.
I personally don't think it's fair to the kid when their parent doesn't interact with them, children need that for their own development, and I would definitely not be able to give them that.
Rali Meyer 1 hour ago
"I used to think I didn't like kids, but it's different when they're yours." Yes - worse.
#45
"Come suffer with the rest of us parents and learn what it means to have real responsibilities!!".
Upstaged75 7 hours ago
I hate the people who claim "you don't know tired until you've had children". 🙄 Like there's no other kind of tired that people might experience. When my brother's 1st kid was born he used that as an excuse for sh!tty behavior. Sorry, but it was a choice you made to procreate - you don't get to whine about it afterwards. 🤷♀️
#46
'Who is going to pay your pension? Our social security will fail unless everyone contributes by producing more taxpayers.'
And another one a doctor once told me after getting some genetic testing done.
'Just because you will need help to ensure a healthy baby doesn't mean it should stop you from fulfilling your higher calling as a mom. There are lots of good scientific people whose job depends on people like you having children.'
Yikes!
#47
“The joy” - 5 minutes later they complain they can’t do anything with their lives because of kids
“Who will look after you when you’re old” - I’ll pay a help to if needed. I don’t plan on retiring in Australia
“For fun” - friend
“Because I want grandkids” - mother
“So you don’t get bored” - mother
“Because everyone needs to settle down” - mother
“Because Jesus wants you to” - mother
“To hand down your assets to when you die” - I don’t remember who said this…
“Mix race kids are in fashion these days”
“So our kids can play together” - person who said this… like… I don’t want to spend more time with them
“Because your wife has a clock inside her that gives her baby urges” - can assure you, we both don’t want kids
“It’s just something you can’t understand unless you have them” - so is not having kids and going on endless international holidays each year.
#48
A number of friends with kids love to trot out “it’s life-changing” and I always chuckle wondering if they realize that’s not necessarily a selling point.
shg stewart 6 hours ago
Breaking your back in your forties is life-changing, too, but I can tell you it's absolutely NOT the good kind of life-changing...
#49
A couple in my family were childless by choice and they heard it all. The worst is that not having children was selfish. What?? However, after 12 years into their marriage, she started longing for a baby. Unselfishly, he agreed. They only had one child, and yes, they love their child immensely. But the child turned out to be on the autism spectrum and ADHD. They all struggled through the school years and then in college it was clear that their child could not handle living on their own. The couple are now in their 70s with a 40-ish aged child that they now worry about what’s going to happen to the beloved offspring when they are gone. None of the early naysayers are alive to step up to care for their child when they are gone.
#50
"i want grandchildren" ok???
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
My daughter's babies are her plants. She's a plant parent, which makes me a plant grandparent. We've lost a few plants already. It's been sad. But at least the oyster plant is thriving well and we're getting new babies coming in.
#51
“You’ll regret it if you don’t.” Actually, I’ll regret it if I do.
IDontWannaGetOutOfBe:
I think the truth is even tougher. It represents a no-win fork in your life, at least for me. You'll always grieve the life you didn't have.
Either you'll always wonder what your kids would have been like, what that life would have been. Or you'll wonder what the life without them - the autonomy, getting further in your career, swimming in money (relatively), traveling, being healthier would have been like. There's major appeal to both for me, because while the second sounds better on its face, I realized a long time ago the only thing that makes me truly happy is being surrounded by loved ones and pets. Material things can make you comfortable, but not necessarily happy alone. But we're all different, that's just me.
You have to give up one and grieve it for most people. There's no way to have both really - except maybe if you're so rich you can just pay someone to handle all the shit parts. But for most of us, you choose a path in the fork in the road, and you grieve the one you'll never walk. That's life I guess.
Problems in my 30s are much harder to solve than the ones of my 20s.
#53
Tradition.
#54
“That’s your *legacy*!”
No one will remember any of us 3 generations hence unless we did something truly world-altering and/or horrifying.
#55
The worst thing I ever heard was,
"Well you could be a surrogate for your brothers!" - my mother
I have two brothers who are both gay and as the only other child my parents had, my mother thought that even if ***I*** didn't want kids, surely I would want to *have my brothers' children for them*.
I've never wanted kids, I never want to experience pregnancy, but someone "should" carry on the family line.
No, mom, the line dies with me.
I made sure of that when I had my tubes removed.
I'm not going to be some breeding cow.
(My brothers were also horrified during this conversation so luckily it ended quickly thanks to their equally appalled comments.).
#56
He deserves a child
What?? Am I just some carrier??? We’re together because early on be both voiced it was something we didn’t want, I didn’t put some spell on him.
#57
Cause everyone else is doing it.
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
Everyone else is getting high and driving intoxicated. Should I be doing that as well?
#59
My mum complained she couldn't gossip about grandkids with her friends.
(fortunately she pretty much accept the situation but this one feedback stings).
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
That's actually a great selling point for not bringing kids into the world of being the subjects of a gossip fest.
#60
-"it gives you a purpose in life"... -
I don't need to pop out a child to experience a "purpose" in life.
-"You're getting old"...
I'm not going to rush a relationship just because times ticking.
-"You would be a wonderful mother"...
I think so too, if I wanted kids.
-"You need kids to take care of you when you're old. I told my daughter that she will take care of me when I'm old, that's what family does".
His daughter was 7 at the time he said this and has been stating that prior to that. Of course I added my 2 cents, that no one should be obligated to care for their parents especially when they get treated poorly by their parents from a young age.
Kim Kermes 6 hours ago
If you invested the money that would be spent on kids, you'd have a nice sum to pay for elder care.
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Cee Cee 7 hours ago
'This Be The Verse' by Philip Larkin is my take on childbearing. Plus I didn't feel responsible enough for kids. Still don't at 73.
Ace 3 hours ago
I don't really get poetry, so had to look it up. Yeah, he's right. I never wanted children because I never felt that my parents wanted me; was afraid that if I ever did I would be just as bad a father as my own was. I'm sure I would not have been, but I was never prepared to take the risk, and more importantly could never understand why anyone would. Yeah later in life I began to understand that some parents love their children, but it's still an alien concept to me.
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Cee Cee 7 hours ago
'This Be The Verse' by Philip Larkin is my take on childbearing. Plus I didn't feel responsible enough for kids. Still don't at 73.
Ace 3 hours ago
I don't really get poetry, so had to look it up. Yeah, he's right. I never wanted children because I never felt that my parents wanted me; was afraid that if I ever did I would be just as bad a father as my own was. I'm sure I would not have been, but I was never prepared to take the risk, and more importantly could never understand why anyone would. Yeah later in life I began to understand that some parents love their children, but it's still an alien concept to me.
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