There are certain things in life that should just go without saying: Don’t leave empty containers in the fridge. If you see someone trip while they’re walking, just avert your eyes and pretend you didn’t see a thing. Never comment on another person’s weight or say anything negative about their appearance. And please, say please and thank you!
There are plenty of rules that our parents instilled in us as children that we’ll never forget, but we didn’t all learn the same rules. So we’ve gone through a couple of Reddit threads where people shared the unwritten rules of life that they think everyone should be living by, to help you pandas, or anyone else out there, who might want to adopt some of these philosophies.
From social etiquette we should all know to phrases you’re obligated to say when you see an adorable dog, this list is all about life’s little silent rules. Be sure to upvote the rules you agree with, and let us know in the comments any others that you’d like to add to the list. Keep reading to also find an interview we were lucky enough to receive from Jeff Leitner, founder of Unwritten Labs, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing unspoken rules everyone should know, look no further than right here!
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If a child waves, you wave back. If a child says hello, you say hello back. If a child calls you on an imaginary hand-telephone, you take the call on your imaginary hand-telephone.
To gain more insight on the topic of life’s unspoken rules, we reached out to Jeff Leitner, founder of Unwritten Labs, which studied unwritten rules from 2018 to 2021. First, we were curious how Jeff defines unwritten rules and where his fascination for them came from. “There are two ways to explain what unwritten rules are — the technical, wonky way and the easy-to-understand way,” he told Bored Panda. “The wonky way is this: Unwritten rules are powerful, informal suggestions about how we should behave and what we should do to succeed in social environments.”
“The friendlier version is this: Unwritten rules are the ways we know we’re supposed to behave when we’re with other people, so they don’t give us dirty looks or stop being friends with us,” Jeff explained. “In families, unwritten rules are things like ‘Don’t air our personal business with outsiders’ or ‘Always defend your siblings.’ With friends, unwritten rules are things like ‘We don’t date each other’s exes’ or ‘We stop each other from doing stupid things.’ At work, unwritten rules are directives like ‘Don’t leave the office if your team is on a deadline’ or ‘Always defer to colleagues with more seniority.’”
Be kind to people that are working. Food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.
That just because someone is family, doesn't mean they're a good person
“I got interested in unwritten rules when a colleague and I were trying to figure out how to solve big social problems, like hunger and homelessness,” Jeff shared. “We saw that our society has everything it needs to solve those problems, but that social norms (which are unwritten rules at scale) were getting in the way. After that, I got interested in a few related ideas, like how all organizations actually run on unwritten rules.”
Never make fun of someone else's laugh, be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other's comments is so brutal
I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.
If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.
We were also curious if Jeff agrees with many unwritten rules or if he thinks we should view them critically and question them. “As weird as they can be, unwritten rules actually keep our organizations, families, and societies together,” he noted. “Think about it — when was the last time you read the employee handbook at work? Maybe when you first started, if your company even has an employee handbook? No, you know how to behave at work — who to be nice to, who to avoid, how to do your work — based on hundreds of unwritten rules you picked up by watching your colleagues.”
“Now that isn’t to say that there aren’t unwritten rules that get in our way," Jeff added. "We’ve all done stupid things because of peer pressure, which is essentially unwritten rules on steroids."
If someone asks for a tampon/pad and you have one to give, you give it to them. Even to a stranger
If they will cheat *with* you, then they will cheat *on* you.
“As for questioning unwritten rules, good luck with that,” Jeff told Bored Panda. “Most of the time, we’re following them unconsciously. We’re so accustomed to watching everybody for social cues and then doing what they do that we’re generally unaware we’re doing it — hundreds of times a day. And research has shown that we don’t like the idea that we’re responding to social pressure and unwritten rules. We’d rather believe that we’re strong-minded individualists — even if we’re really not.”
You must say "oooo big stretch" when a dog starts stretching. It's the law
When it comes to unwritten rules Jeff considers beneficial, he shared that he likes rules that tell us not to “punch down”, or pick on people who have less power than us. “If you think about it, there aren’t really written rules that prohibit bullying. We count on unwritten rules to tell people not to do it,” he explained.
“I don’t like the unwritten rules that tell us to ‘stay in your lane’,” Jeff added. “I think we defer way too much to so-called experts, who just keep doing things the way they were taught to do them. If we could somehow get rid of those unwritten rules, I suspect we could spark a lot of new ideas and solve a bunch more problems.”
Don’t have strong opinions about something you know nothing about
Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.
Dude was blasting from a bluetooth boombox down the street at 7am on a Saturday when everyone was trying to sleep. Found him to be the epitome of rude. Besides, it's cold out, so headphones are like magical earmuffs.
Horrible people wont always be punished for hurting others and it sucks
the rich won't be punished. the powerful won't be punished. This is why we have assassinations in this world. Because there is only justice for the middle class. The poor will never see justice till inequality is eliminated.
Jeff also touched on how the unwritten rules in a workplace might not be clear to everyone. He noted that it’s common for, within a company, an employer to not know the unwritten rules of their employees. “There are a couple of reasons for that. One, the unwritten rules don’t really apply to them,” he explained. “Bosses tend not to be as vulnerable to having fellow employees irritated with them. Two, some of the unwritten rules actually function as tips on how to work around the boss — how to stay on their good side, how to get the best projects, or how to get promoted.”
If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.
I've always thought that subdivisions or apartment complexes etc should have a place where you can check out 'occasional' items. When you don't need things on a regular basis (small kitchen appliances, tools, etc, you'd be able to check them out from a library of items. It would be a solution to needing more square footage for things you almost never use.
Tool Lending Libraries exist! Here is one: https://solanacenter.org/tool-lending-library/
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We're a close-knit, not particularly well-off family so we all have a 'thing' we've brought individually that is lent around the family. My brother has the SDS drill, my dad the high end ladders, etc. It's a great system when budgets are tight.
My fam has done the same, mostly because there are certain tools we only need a couple times a year. For example, I have a pole saw and my mom has a small chain saw. Sometimes we need one, sometimes the other.
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No, definitely not. As long as the person (people) you are borrowing from happy with the arrangement, then there is no sense in two people having identical items that don't get used terribly frequently. A friend borrowed my ice cream maker a few times. She said she was thinking about getting one of of her own. I said she was welcome to use mine as often as she liked. And if she was using it more than me, it could live at her house, and I'd borrow it when needed. We don't all need copies of the same things. Share!
Let’s say: If you borrow it three times in a year. If it’s only three times in ten years, you don’t need one of your own. Except maybe a girlfriend.
As the owner of a home workshop and EVERYONE knows it, I firmly endorce this policy.
We have a tool and appliance library, run entirely by volunteers. People donate items, and people can come and borrow, at no cost. The local council (municipality) provides the space. But we're not in the U.S., and that's done in many towns and communities here. In my previous town, the senior center set up a 2nd hand place, with donations from the community, mostly for clothes, but other items, like pots and pans, also get donated. Seniors staff it, mostly volunteer but I think they get a sort of stipend. They sort, launder (if necessary) sew and fix the clothing, and people can buy things for the equivalent of a dollar or a few dollars. A lot of construction and other manual laborers buy clothes there; they go through them so quickly, it's a waste to buy better clothes. And families going through difficult times, or chronically poor families, also buy clothes and other items there.
Good rule, I'd say twice. When building the compound, I'd always buy any quality tool I need or rent. Much easier and a real time and friend saver.
Guy asked to borrow my brand new drill. Asked him where his was. When he said he broke it, he got a nope from me.
Nah nah nah. Not if it is a good friend and you share your tools. (But avoid being a bludger!)
ROFL OMG I never thought of that in this way but this is a good rule! I have definitely loaned a few tools out to people who had no need to own one but had a job that was too big for a smaller tool but thankfully, my tools have always been returned!
That is a splendid idea. I've never heard of a tool landing library before.
I go to all kinds of estate sales & flea markets. I get good tools dirt cheap. I will gladly give someone a tool if they have been needing one.
Your mental health isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.
Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!
So how much power do life’s unwritten rules wield? “In short, unwritten rules are crazy, crazy powerful,” Jeff says. “Unwritten rules — the ones we’re aware of and the many, many ones we’re not aware of — have much more to do with how we behave than anything else. They are more powerful than written rules, our individual instincts, and our horoscope.”
“We’ve been wired to process unwritten rules for at least 200,000 years, long before we invented language. And while getting kicked out of the tribe isn’t fatal like it was back then, our biology and psychology still take unwritten rules really, really seriously.”
If you’d like to learn more about Jeff’s Unwritten Labs project, be sure to visit its website right here. And then if you’d like to learn more about Jeff's other work and read some of his writing, you can find his website right here.
Not everybody is your friend, be careful who you vent to. Many people only want juicy gossip and don’t give a s**t about you or your problems
Yep, I thought I could vent to someone but they ended up turning back at me and now have everything I said to them
It never hurts to compliment somebody on the quality of their work, their hobbies and whatever field is most important to their self esteem. It always goes a long way.
YES. I try my hardest to figure out what people like doing and compliment them on it because whenever someone says I'm good at what l do, it's a huge self esteem boost.
There is absolutely no shame in going to therapy or talking to someone about your mental health.
Sometimes, it feels like life would be so much simpler if everything was just spelled out for us. And while that might become incredibly boring over time, we can experience a little bit of it right here for the next few minutes, by reading through this collection of life’s unspoken rules. Keep upvoting the rules you agree with and try to abide by yourself, and feel free to share any more rules for a better life in the comments below. Then if you’d like to dive even deeper into life’s unspoken rules, you can find another Bored Panda article on the same topic right here!
Before you enter and elevator, LET OTHER PEOPLE OUT FIRST GODDAMNIT!
Social media isn’t reality
Social media brings out the worst in people. Such a fake place. Sadly many believe what they see on social media and to become as the "influencers" they follow
If you saw someone stealing formula, diapers or food, no you didn't
Actually stealing is stealing. Motives might vary, but it is still stealing. Imagine you having a shop. I haven't eaten for 10 days. I come in and steal bread and cheese. Would you still say "I didn't see that'? What you can actually do if you see something like that happening is trying to help that person, because next time they steal things they might get caught and detained. How you can help? Offer to buy those products for them. Put them in touch with NGOs that help people in need. Put them in touch with social workers that can help them.
Don’t ask for somebody else’s opinion and get mad when they tell it to you.
Yes I told my old friend I didn’t like Taylor Swift and she got mad and said ‘you don’t have to tell people you don’t like her, it doesn’t make you cooler’ like geez, I’m just saying my opinion, plus no one asks you to talk about how much you love her all the time There have been so many times when people ask me what I think then tell me my opinion is wrong or something and it makes me really mad
Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.
That’s my mom. I always hold the phone firmly while showing her something.
When driving a car, don't be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.
There should be something to help make it predictable when a driver wants to make a turn...some kind of signal, perhaps
Turn on your headlights when it's snowing. I'm talking to you asshole with the white truck.
The quicker you accept that life isn't fair, the better.
There is a major difference between "life is not fair" and "people are not fair". The first one is just a condition of how the world works, the second one is a consequense of someone's decitions. The issue with "life is not fair" is that people often abuse that sentence to justify their own crappy behaviour, when in fact they could do things differently and generate a more fair outcome. Though life is not fair, there are still a lot of measures we could take to compensate for the effect of this fact. E.g. though illnesses like cancer does not strike everbody equally, but involves huge element of luck, we can still do a lot to lessen the spread in the effect it has on people's lives through means like universal healthcare. We're not completely without influence on how our lives evolves -we can change a lot of things based on how we structure our own lives, or, on a greater level, the societies we build. Not using that option but just saying life is not fair, is not the best we can do.
You are the person you spend the most time with. Be someone you like.
That nothing will come from making someone feel horrible about themselves.
Under promise and over deliver. People will think you are a genius.
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Thank you to whoever wrote this. Not only is this humorous, but it’s great for those on the autism spectrum—like myself—who don’t really get those sort of social rules easily.
Park between the lines, and if you can't fit in a spot because your car is too big, part at the end of the lot furthest from the building. It's not my fault you drive a huge truck with a snowplow on the front. Don't make me walk the length of the parking lot, or risk getting into an accident when I pull out of the spot next to you because I can't see anything! (There's nothing wrong with owning a big truck. Even if you're not using for anything but picking up groceries. If that's what you like to drive, good for you. But don't make everyone else suffer because it's too big to fit into the spot at Walmart.)
I fully agree. I always parked my plow truck out at the end of parking lots when I still had it. I was afraid of someone hitting the plow and now I'm to blame.
Load More Replies... If you are standing and someone starts to walk around you, STAY PUT. They've already plotted their course and chances are good you're just getting back in their way again. Also, doorways and the entry/exit to an escalator are terrible places to stand.
I had this happen to me in a grocery store yesterday afternoon. The woman was in front of me walking in the door and then stopped to check her phone and just stood there for a few minutes and I wasn’t sure if she was going to move or if I had room to squeeze around her (I did, but I was hoping she would be more aware of her surroundings and the fact that other people would need to get past). She also moved around in the store in a way that meant she kept being in my way. I have social anxiety and don’t always know how to/feel comfortable telling a stranger that I need to get past them.
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I have one. If you expect people to always just know what you’re thinking or want, without giving them any clue about it, you’re going to have an unhappy life. People are NOT mind readers, we’re not always in sync with you. F*****g TELL us what you want, instead of making us guess. We truly don’t want to guess wrong, believe me. But if we do, don’t hold it against us if you didn’t give us some clues. This can also be considered abusive, as the person expecting people to read their minds has the power to say whether they guessed correctly, and can use that as an excuse to make them feel like they can never please you. If you’re a person like that, then you can go f**k yourself. People only put up with that b******t for so long, before they desert your a*s and find someone kinder and easier to live with.
My addition would be to don't regret where you are in life or what you may/may not have done. You can't change the past, you are alive now and can make a better future. Regret is wasted energy.
kinda' like worrying. it's like a rocking chair: gives you something to do but gets you nowhere
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The one about seeing someone stealing diapers, whatever....how in the world would one even know that was going on if they were minding their own business and doing their own shopping? Unless one is store security and is watching someone because they suspect theft, no one has any right to make any accusations. I worked store security in two different big box stores, two of the largest in the USA, and we could only watch, not approach, no matter where the customer put the items. They could NOT be accused of theft until they were outside the first set of inner doors!
Shopping at my local favorite grocery store last week, which has narrow aisles, of course; two elderly women standing smack in the middle of the main aisle, one of them yapping on and on, and everyone having to either say "excuse me" very loudly (her voice carried from the back of the store where she was all the way to the registers at the front), or we had to take a detour. Old bat (I'm 70, she was much older) got ticked off when I came back through a second time, and she told her friend that "people are certainly rude in here, aren't they? Management ought to do something about these people who are crowding the aisle!" I'm a septuagenarian, officially considered "old" now, but I will not stop in the middle of any place others have to get through, especially not to yammer away about nothing at all to someone who looked desperate to get away from that battleaxe!
But where I'm at in Philadelphia people steal formula to sell for drugs just so you know
Yeah, and even if they needed the products. That's still not fair, (as the typical internet standard, every businesses being "evil"), at least think about the employees. They might loose their jobs, their HONEST JOBS, because missing items.
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Mya Anjalou said it best," When people show you who they are, believe them."
Thank you to whoever wrote this. Not only is this humorous, but it’s great for those on the autism spectrum—like myself—who don’t really get those sort of social rules easily.
Park between the lines, and if you can't fit in a spot because your car is too big, part at the end of the lot furthest from the building. It's not my fault you drive a huge truck with a snowplow on the front. Don't make me walk the length of the parking lot, or risk getting into an accident when I pull out of the spot next to you because I can't see anything! (There's nothing wrong with owning a big truck. Even if you're not using for anything but picking up groceries. If that's what you like to drive, good for you. But don't make everyone else suffer because it's too big to fit into the spot at Walmart.)
I fully agree. I always parked my plow truck out at the end of parking lots when I still had it. I was afraid of someone hitting the plow and now I'm to blame.
Load More Replies... If you are standing and someone starts to walk around you, STAY PUT. They've already plotted their course and chances are good you're just getting back in their way again. Also, doorways and the entry/exit to an escalator are terrible places to stand.
I had this happen to me in a grocery store yesterday afternoon. The woman was in front of me walking in the door and then stopped to check her phone and just stood there for a few minutes and I wasn’t sure if she was going to move or if I had room to squeeze around her (I did, but I was hoping she would be more aware of her surroundings and the fact that other people would need to get past). She also moved around in the store in a way that meant she kept being in my way. I have social anxiety and don’t always know how to/feel comfortable telling a stranger that I need to get past them.
Load More Replies... I have one. If you expect people to always just know what you’re thinking or want, without giving them any clue about it, you’re going to have an unhappy life. People are NOT mind readers, we’re not always in sync with you. F*****g TELL us what you want, instead of making us guess. We truly don’t want to guess wrong, believe me. But if we do, don’t hold it against us if you didn’t give us some clues. This can also be considered abusive, as the person expecting people to read their minds has the power to say whether they guessed correctly, and can use that as an excuse to make them feel like they can never please you. If you’re a person like that, then you can go f**k yourself. People only put up with that b******t for so long, before they desert your a*s and find someone kinder and easier to live with.
My addition would be to don't regret where you are in life or what you may/may not have done. You can't change the past, you are alive now and can make a better future. Regret is wasted energy.
kinda' like worrying. it's like a rocking chair: gives you something to do but gets you nowhere
Load More Replies... The one about seeing someone stealing diapers, whatever....how in the world would one even know that was going on if they were minding their own business and doing their own shopping? Unless one is store security and is watching someone because they suspect theft, no one has any right to make any accusations. I worked store security in two different big box stores, two of the largest in the USA, and we could only watch, not approach, no matter where the customer put the items. They could NOT be accused of theft until they were outside the first set of inner doors!
Shopping at my local favorite grocery store last week, which has narrow aisles, of course; two elderly women standing smack in the middle of the main aisle, one of them yapping on and on, and everyone having to either say "excuse me" very loudly (her voice carried from the back of the store where she was all the way to the registers at the front), or we had to take a detour. Old bat (I'm 70, she was much older) got ticked off when I came back through a second time, and she told her friend that "people are certainly rude in here, aren't they? Management ought to do something about these people who are crowding the aisle!" I'm a septuagenarian, officially considered "old" now, but I will not stop in the middle of any place others have to get through, especially not to yammer away about nothing at all to someone who looked desperate to get away from that battleaxe!
But where I'm at in Philadelphia people steal formula to sell for drugs just so you know
Yeah, and even if they needed the products. That's still not fair, (as the typical internet standard, every businesses being "evil"), at least think about the employees. They might loose their jobs, their HONEST JOBS, because missing items.
Load More Replies... Mya Anjalou said it best," When people show you who they are, believe them."
