Someone Asks Women Who Refused To Marry Or Have Kids How Life Has Been, And They Deliver 30 Honest Responses
At some point in our lives, women just get tired of parents asking when you’ll give them grandchildren, or your friends questioning when you and your partner will tie the knot. The pressure to commit to entrenched social expectations and gender stereotypes is real, and it does little good if any.
Meanwhile, more and more women are willing to take the choices of their lives into their own hands, something that essentially belongs to them. This Reddit thread shared on the Ask Women community shows a glimpse into how things are going for these women. “Women who didn't follow the social norm of getting married & having kids—what are you doing instead?” asked Redditor -Penguin_Anxiety- and the responses started pouring in.
Below we selected some of the most illuminating ones that show how rewarding it can be to live your life as you want, and not as you're told to.
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I’m single with no children. I just booked a trip to NYC and one to Mexico in the summer, and planning a trip to Europe for the fall. I’m thinking about getting a second masters degree and after seeing these responses, I’m thinking why the hell not?
I have money and time to pursue my interests and because of that, I’ve gotten to know exactly who I was. It turns out I like me a lot.
Bored Panda spoke with Catdogbird29, a childfree and single woman who shared her experience in response to this thread on the Ask Women subreddit. She wrote: “I’m single with no children. I just booked a trip to NYC and one to Mexico in the summer, and am planning a trip to Europe for the fall. I’m thinking about getting a second masters degree and after seeing these responses, I’m thinking 'why the hell not?'” She also added that she has money and time to pursue her interests and because of that, she has gotten to know exactly who she is. “It turns out I like me a lot,” the woman added.
“I think there is a lot of societal pressure for women to get married,” Catdogbird29 told us. “The message that marriage and kids = happiness is literally everywhere in our lives, from the media, friends, and family. I felt growing up that my life would not be complete unless I got married and had kids, and it led me to make some decisions that were not in my best interest.”
Having said that, the woman believes that society is changing. “It is becoming more acceptable for women to stay single and childless, but there is still considerable pressure to ‘settle down.’”
Living many lives. I was a morning baker at a corner bakery in a small town. I was a stripper in a big urban city. I was a roadie for a punk rock band. I was a manager in a large packaging warehouse. Now I'm a budtender at my corner potshop. I dont like a place? I get up and move across the country, sleep in my car until I find a job. I want to live a bunch more lives. I love the freedom and never want to give a shred of it up.
It sounds amazing, however I don't envy your lifestyle. I love freedom, but I'd feel lost not 'belonging' somewhere (that's from my perspective!). Reading this does tickle my travel-muscles though :D
Working to pay for my cats expenses
Me also, I tell my cats that I have to go to work otherwise who is going to buy their snacks 🥰
I thought this post was about women that said "No" to children. ;-)
Two young kitties on the left and two old kitties on the right…old pets of any kind make my heart turn to mush!
Me too. I watch my old boy go up the stairs all stiff legged as he has dodgy knees now and my heart melts with love for him.
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As someone who has 3 daughter I totally endorse this and can I come live with you
I find it absolutely disgusting when people let cats on kitchen counters. You eat from food prepared in a kitchen and cats walk in cat litter. Don't you think about that? I don't let me dog on the counters... Ugh
Not their photo. If it was, I'd question the rotting head of iceberg lettuce.
I'm 60, never got married, never had kids. What have I done instead? Lived my best life. It's been fantastic, so far.
Had a successful career. Launched a successful second career in my 40s. Retired early (which I never could have done with a spouse and children). Travelled all over the world when I was younger. Indulged all my hobbies (reading, quilting, cooking, gaming).
As someone else so aptly put it: Whatever the f**k I want.
The Redditor also said that she learned that she likes being single and she generally doesn’t feel a lot of need to be in a relationship. “I realized after a bad breakup that I stayed in the relationship for so long because I felt like I ‘had to’ and I would be ‘unhappy’ if I wasn’t in a relationship. I felt worse when I thought I would ‘run out of time’ to have kids.”
Moreover, “It didn’t help that I didn’t have women in my life that were happy single, and I watched as they made compromise after compromise to make their male partners happy at their own expense. I thought this was just the way it was for women. Then, as I was healing from my breakup, I realized I was far happier on my own than I ever was when I was dating or in a relationship,” she said.
I got married but I'm not ever having kids. My husband worked from home today and we drank margaritas in bed and booked a holiday. Aside from having the responsibility of a dog I pretty much do exactly what I want to. I'm aware some of that privilege comes from money, rather than not having kids, but not having them has afforded me an incredible amount of freedom and peace
Rescuing animals. Have my own business. I read a lot. Pursue art. Wake up whenever I want. Go on long travel trips with my friends.
Maybe just me but as a child of abuse I think it’s selfless to decide not to have kids. It was a nightmare to be raised by two selfish people who shouldn’t have procreated. I wanted my son bcuz I vowed to break the cycle and happily gave him a real childhood. Some choose to forgo that work. You never know if there’s more to their choice to be childless. Respect their decision.
Get 4 degrees (2masters and 1 Ph.D.), buy a house, move whenever I want for a better job opportunity or a promotion, relax after work, and on the weekend coz I can have a full night sleep.
I was married which was unfortunate.
Catdogbird29 confessed that the quality of her life improved a lot after her breakup. “I no longer had to care for another person or make compromises about anything. What movie do I want to watch? What groceries do I want to buy? Where do I want to go for vacation? All my decisions.” Moreover, the woman started trying new hobbies and eating healthier. “My stress levels have dropped now that I’m single. I don’t see the same in my friends and family with kids.”
She believes that women in general take on so much of a mental workload when it comes to maintaining a relationship and care for children. “We hand ourselves over to make other people happier and we neglect ourselves and it isn’t fair. Society expects women to sacrifice for their husbands and children,” the Redditor explained. Although not all relationships have to be like this, Catdogbird29 said she doesn’t see equal partnerships modeled anywhere, “even among my friends and family that insist their relationships are different.”
Living my best life? I always wanted kids, but I have been unlucky in love and having children is not something I want to do on a solo salary with me as the only caretaker. Unfortunately, the older I get the less patience I have with men. I have stopped dating during the pandemic and I don’t know if I will ever start up again! I have so many hetero friends in unhappy marriages where the women work full time, run the household, and are basically the only children caregiver. There are so many memes about married men acting like giant children so I feel I may have dodged a bullet. I’m sad I won’t get to be a mom, but i think it’s for the best. I don’t want to “raise” an adult or be disrespected by a man who is perfectly capable in the workplace but decides to tune me out in the running of our home.
So I do what I want and I’m really freaking happy. I own my own home, I have two degrees, I take lots of trips with my friends, have hobbies, love my job and coworkers, and dote on my nieces. It’s a great life!
49 here. Self employed massage therapist, make my own hours, my own house, and make enough money to keep my 3 feline gluttons fat and happy. I’m solidly lower middle class with my income and I would be absolutely screwed if I had kids. The odds of single parenthood were just too high and I wasn’t willing to chance it. No regrets here.
Eating chips and watching tv at 3am. I will wake up around 1pm tomorrow. I will go to my job as a bartender at 5pm tomorrow. By the end of the week I will joke that I'm tired of partying. But I won't actually be - I'm gonna dance to a DJ and destroy my ear drums this weekend, like I do every weekend.
This whole post is making a lot of people uncomfortable by making them question their choices.
“I think the most common misconception about childfree and unmarried women is that we are bitter and jealous of our parent/married friends and family,” Catdogbird29 told us and added that she’s not at all. “I only want my loved ones to be happy and fulfilled and if that means getting married and having kids then I am happy for them. I will gladly hang out with you and your spouse, or babysit your kids for you. My friends are my friends regardless of their relationship status.”
Another misconception about childfree and single women is that they are lonely. “I’m not at all. I’m introverted by nature so I love my alone time. Sure, sometimes I wish I had a partner but I’ve seen just as many women desperate to get a moment of peace in their day. I know there are plenty of women that are bitter, jealous, and lonely, but I would encourage them to find whatever they are looking for in other people in themselves instead.” The Redditor wants to remind everyone that “You are a whole person. There is no 'other half' out there for you.”
Being a full person who isn't defined by what she provides for other people?
Enjoying a free and happy solo life, travelling around, working for myself, publishing my own books and not answering to anyone else. I’ve never wanted children because I knew it would curtail my freedom. I’m 54 with no regrets (apart from an eight-year marriage in my thirties).
I've worked full time in my career for 13 years. My master's degree helped that one out.
I became a homeowner at 21. I'm 38 now and am on my 3rd owned house.
I had a hysterectomy in 2020, so this whole "child free" thing is permanent.
I have a roommate; not because I need help paying bills, but because it makes my house more lively and I like the company.
I bought all the stuff to make an awesome home gym that I use 5x a week.
I do want a marriage, but am definitely not willing to settle for less than what I can already give myself. My quality of life will not diminish when I agree to be in a marriage.
Just curious as it's none of my business, but I conclude from this that they started working in their career field at 25 - how were you able to afford a house at 21?? Even if they worked in a different field before that?
I just bought my dream house a month ago and got a better job making more than double what I was making with a huge bonus. That would have never happened if I would have gotten married/ had kids with the man I was supposed to marry ( I called off the wedding and split).
I can pretty much do whatever I want to do.
My bf ( not the guy I was supposed to marry) and I go exploring all the time. We just pick a trail on the map we haven't done yet, leash the dogs, and go.
I also love dancing and can easily get prettied up, pick a dress, and hit the dance floor. Anything from ballroom to club I fit right in and have so much fun. I couldn't do that if I had kids.
I love having the freedom to literally just do whatever pops in my head.
My parents had 13 kids and that put me off having kids. I've raised enough of them already.
I have traveled to 20+ countries solo. Live in a poppin part of the city, bought a white couch, a luxury car, plan to retire early…but the most important thing I do is work remotely so I can visit my amazing nephews as often as I wish. I didn’t ‘choose’ to not follow the social norm of getting married/having kiddos, I’ve just dated piles of garbage that inherently prevented that from happening. Then one day I looked in the mirror and turned 40, so I suppose I’m now too late to the bio-kids party. Oh well!!!!
Working on my second and third bachelors and then onto a Ph.D. in political science with an emphasis on women's rights to get down to fixing this s**t for all of us.
Staying with my long term boyfriend for life. We may get married. We may not. I kinda just want to be engaged forever lol (and I want to get him an engagement ring too!)
We’re never having kids. Instead, we plan on traveling the world! And focusing on our careers and hobbies.
Good plan if it works for you. Staying with a long term significant other can bring questions of “we’ve been together forever why not get married?”but also “we are doing just fine so why get married”. Answer those questions however you want, just be 100% sure the other person is on the same page.
Going to law school, taking care of my parents and focusing on my mental health. I’m very happy doing it and am just now beginning to accept that I don’t have to follow everyone’s expectations. There’s no reason to sacrifice your happiness making decisions that nobody but you will have to live with forever.
Yes, this. Screw society's vision of how our lives should be like. It's our life, and our happiness that's at stake. Nothing against being a happy momma, but to have a conventional/traditional life due to external pressure, and to fulfill the expectations of others? To feel externally accepted, while feeling empty of joy and remorseful inside? Hell no.
Currently, I’m drinking coffee and watching the sun rise. My house is on a mountain and I have a beautiful view. Also, I bought this house with cash.
On Friday I’m leaving for Vegas for a quick weekend trip.
Did I mention I quit my job a month ago because I didn’t feel like working there anymore? I started a new job this week but it was nice to take a month off to finish my office renovation.
I have a job which I actually like, party with friends, go alone on holidays, hookup and live my best life without a screaming poop monster holding me down.
Work a fulfilling career, volunteer at a wildlife rescue center, travel, cook, read, play the guitar, enjoy time with my fiancé and friends whenever I feel like it, regularly exercise, have frequent sex, invest my extra time and money into my health and skincare routine, sleep in, have spa days once a week, donate money to charity, hike, bike, ski, camp, and going dancing.
These are a few of the things I do instead of having kids lol
This one reminds me of the Dear Abby article I read as a kid: "pity the poor childless couple, she slaving to pour another mai tai as he lovingly puts sun lotion on her back..."
I did get married, but no kids. I'm about to start a PhD in aerospace!
Moving to different states, changing careers because I feel like it, living a reasonably good life on 30k, and enjoying a banquet of men. I'm almost 50 and I have never felt I was missing out. A marriage of less than 3 years gave me a taste of that white picket fence life, and it's not for me.
Currently helping my sister raise her kid! She's a single mom by choice and I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds right now. I love watching my nephew grow up and I feel like it's completely satisfying any maternal urges I have. And at the end of the day I still have my freedom and independence.
I'm an auntie to two fantastic nephews and a fantastic niece. I've been their Friday babysitter since the oldest (now 7) was 3 months old so I've seen them grow up. They act up and can be stroppy as kids can be but they are adorable --- but I don't have to pay for more than the occasional banana. I get the best of kids who know and love me, but no broken nights and depleted bank account.
I’m building my dream home - an eclectic little tiny house on the water, that I’ll never have to share.
I got a PhD, traveled, lost weight got mentally healthy, focused on myself, then found the love of my life and now we are building a dream house and planning a future without kids. Maybe we will get another dog.
Halfway to a paid off house, living with my animals, successful in my career, dating someone that may or may not develop in to something long term.
There are more pros than cons for me to not being married with kids (and possibly divorced) in my 40s.
I live with my best friend, and it's f**king awesome.
Getting two degrees, working my a** off at a job I genuinely love even it's intense and stressful! I'm also helping my parents as they get older, building a bunch of furniture, writing silly s**t to unwind, and chilling with my cats.
I did have a very brief period of being married (which I didn't tolerate for long).
Seventy-one here. Can never recall wanting kids, didn't even play with dolls. No desire to be married, but the exact right man came into my life, four years after I had a hysterectomy andhe was good with a state of childlessness. Got two degrees went to the top in two careers and I'm booking hotels for summer in Europe. And to His Holiness, yeah, no kids, just dogs and I'm selfish--bite it.
Living alone, loving my independence. My home is full of art, plants, and I have many hobbies.
I would be miserable as a wife and mother. It was just never going to be the life for me!
I'm a pilot, I have been wanting to for years since I was young. I also despise kids so that was out of the question. Instead I have many animals as I love them.
I married fairly young (24) but we are openly childfree. I'm also the breadwinner and my husband works parttime and does almost all the household stuff.
I get to spend my evenings doing whatever I want. Playing games, chilling my my husband, going out and seeing friends.
Everything parents did before they had kids? I just kept doing that.
Being gay, kicking goals, going to travel in the near future,
Oh, and im disapointing my parents.
Everything disallowed by nap schedules, diaper genies, bed/bath routines, potty training, paying for childcare, school pickups/drop offs, homework, attitude, Driver’s Ed, endless sporting or performance practices/games/events, or the never ending/omnipresent f**king CONSTANT NOISE……….and that’s not to touch on the insane financial drain, psychotic exhaustion, resentment of spouse who I likely only married because of the kids, reminders of a so-called “biological clock”, and ruining your life and bending to the ever-present entitlement for a little person who you will definitely love but may or may not even like very much. PASS.
I’m well-rested and my Roth IRA is well-fed. ;)
I found out I was asexual and I'm still trying to figure stuff out but what I can tell you is that happiness comes from cats not relationships 💜
I also don’t feel the calling for marriage. I love my boyfriend and we’ve mentioned weddings/marriage, but neither of us is particularly driven to get married just to idk be married? Lol
We own a house and have three pets together so we’re pretty official already. I’ve explained it to my friends before but I don’t mind the term girlfriend or fiancée, and I love looking at engagement rings and wedding inspo boards, but I just don’t really see myself falling under the “wife” label. I kind of hate the word, probably because I tie it in with mother, as the world tends to say wife & mother, and I do not want to be anyone’s mother.
So maybe we’ll get married and he can be my husband and I can be his partner or his lady-husband, who knows what the future has in store!
Taking naps whenever I want haha no, seriously living life to the fullest,which includes a lot of eating out at restaurants, going on dates with all kind of different interesting exciting men, having spontaneous parties and weekend spa getaways with friends or just randomly treating myself with some shopping.
37, single. Got a couple cats. Couple of bongs. Sleep when I want, eat when/what I want and buy myself whatever I want.
Running my own businesses, collecting English bulldogs, going on vacations whenever I feel like it, enjoying the complete silence and solitude for most of my days (except when the dogs get going, but even then I would take that over the stress (being a parent) and bulls**t (being a wife) on any given day.
Raising lots of plant babies. Still very rewarding. Adopting and buying from the marketplace or local sellers. Still a bit on the budget, definitely finicky but they aren’t as noisy so I’m pretty satisfied. The cats don’t always enjoy new additions as they bite, scratch or swat but I think they will get used to it in time.
I am married but no kids. I raise and spoil my 5 cats and raise foster kittens. I spend the rest of my time gardening.
Learning new languages. learning new skills like web design, graphic design, painting, etc.
Learning bass guitar, learning to enjoy/ enjoying myself as a hooman, and healing generational trauma. There's much more, however, that's a start.
That point of generation trauma - I think it´s has to do a lot with childfree people. We just want time to heal and don´t want to bring new people in that circle of suffering.
Laying in bed at 9:30am. Wondering if I going to sleep more or get up now.
According to my dad, living in sin, but enjoying my time child-less.
My education, work and basically whatever i feel like doing without someone suffocating me.
Just chilling, I got great friends and family, I got my own house, got a job I enjoy that pays well enough that I can do what i want when I want without having to think of anyone else. I’m 32 now if I meet someone and settle and have family then great but for now I’m not looking for anything and I’m happy just doing me.
Moving to South America with my hot private chef boyfriend and traveling around the world until I don’t feel like it anymore.
I spend my time on hobbies and friends! I play in my local municipal orchestra, paint, embroider, play d&d, learn shibari and other related skills, cook/bake, read for leisure, and play animal crossing. I plan trips, which can include challenging/long hikes, wine/beer tastings, and honestly last minute activities - those things are either difficult or not possible with children on vacation.
I have a large, wonderful circle of friends I spend a lot of time with. I have a job I like most of the time. I used to travel a lot, before the pandemic.
Partner and I both work full time and have 4 holidays planned this year with various family. We go out to eat a lot and enjoy spending time with our siblings and many nieces and nephews.
We rise at whatever time we want at the weekend and if nothing planned, take a walk in the local nature reserve, stop at the café for breakfast. It's a nice life.
Working on an MA and planning to get another one. Climbing up the corporate ladder. Working on my hobbies. The usual.
Traveling, starting a business, building my dream house, cultivating relationships. I am getting married to a wonderful woman but both of us are older and have similar goals. The not having children thing is really what’s helped accomplish so much. Not a lot of support for parents in modern times. I’m not willing to carve pieces of myself out to have a mini-me.
I’m on my 4th U.S. passport, my 6th album of original music, friends all over the continent, most parents don’t want me around their kids since I represent a life completely opposite from their parents and a conservative life. Love cats, good food, great company. There are slow times, but very little down time. No matter when I’m asked what I have been doing or what I will do, have I ever answered, “Nothing.”
Travelling with my partner or chilling home with a bottle of wine and two cats. The absolute freedom is the best part of being child free. I can not do laundry or wash dishes for 3 days and nobody cares. Being able to just do whatever you want during your spare time is priceless. We get to be selfish and just make ourselves and each other happy. It's also less stress in general because we are two self sufficient individuals who happen to love each other so if anything happened we would be ok. We don't depend on anyone and nobody depends on us either.
Riding motorcycles, going on vacations, and accumulating neat stuff to share with my partners.
I resent the implication that being single or at least childfree automatically means we're all well off financially. Many of these posts describe women who are also very privileged. Being a homeowner at 21? Nothing to do with being single and childless. Traveling the world? I work full time and have neither the money nor the time for that. Fantastic if it works out well for them, but please don't generalize. I for one have too many people around me who assume that I sleep on bags of gold and that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Nope, not even close - and I like my life in general.
Exactly. I do not have children and I cant work so I literarly have food and a roof solely because my partner pays for it. We struggle a lot living with only one salary..
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Men always make out as if it's women who want to get married and do the whole settling down thing, but the reality is that is actually men who want to do it. Witness the uprise in men who demand that women be made available to them and who say that women have 'too many rights'. The whole system of coupledom works a lot better for men than it does women, and always has.
Or it's both? Depends on the person. I know men who have no interest in marriage and kids. I know women who have no interest. I know men who want kids, and I know women who wants kids. There's no rule. I know a woman who adopted well into her forties and is now a single mom. Everyone's different.
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Most of these have to do with having money, which of course you have less when you have kids. But the benefits that they list are all about money, and since I'm broke, I think I'll have kids then haha. Just kidding :)
Single childfree people in my country pay waaaayyyy more taxes than couples with or without kids. This is really frustrating and actually quite discriminating.
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Being childfree is an amazing choice (or otherwise) to make and presents opportunities - but so many of these comments assume you have to choose between a life you want and children. For women that has traditionally been the case – but it doesn’t have to be. I was late to marriage and kids and didn’t really want kids (until I did) so I did most of these things before I had kids. Got my degree. Travelled the world alone. But the thing is… all these things are still possible with kids. You don't have to sacrifice yourself and all your dreams for your children. I still take impromptu weekends away on my own or with my girlfriends, I can still go to the bar and dance 'til 3am, I learnt a new language, I have hobbies, I work a fulfilling career and I am not defined by my role as mother. All of this is possible because my partner is an actual EQUAL carer of the children. We work together as a team and together we make sure that we each have what we need to be who we are.
My point is… if you don’t want kids – great!! But if you do, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to sacrifice yourself.
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I liked seeing the point of view of all the women in this article; even though I'm way too young to have kids now, this is making me very comfortable in my not wanting kids haha. However, I'm pretty disappointed with the amount of people commenting and saying that these people are selfish, or asking why they couldn't do things like travel/have pets with kids. Like, it's these women's choice and they're living fulfilling lives. The article isn't about what you can do ONLY if you don't have kids, it's people telling why they personally didn't and what they enjoy about it. Please just respect their decisions and if you don't like it, kindly frick off and go read a different article
Hear hear. Comes across a tad desperate to justify their choices to be honest. People having children is a purely selfish act - they have children because THEY want them. No other reason. Fine, great. Just let people alone and stop acting as if those without are going to be alone 'at the end' and 'you'll end up in a care home'. Loads of people WITH children end up in care homes. Awful argument with such a self-centred core.
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Stopped reading around 30th post, it seems all these people have a lot of money and good jobs, so maybe that's why they're living their best life.. I knew very early on that I won't have kids due to a medical condition. I have had a great life so far, have a niece and nephew that I dote on and now since I've recently gotten married, I have a wonderful stepson who spends half of his time with us and half with his mom. Having been childless all this time, I can honestly say that I've gotten used to having my life/time etc. to my self and I really don't know if I'll be able to handle having a child, but every now and then, I feel that I would give anything to hold That little precious bundle in my arms. I do feel that I've missed out on the joy of being a parent.
Till that precious bundle poops on ya.... :)
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I don't have a desire to sprout my own family. Also the other reason I don't have a desire to make my own belly spawn is that I'm asexual. I'm in a good career (although not very high paying), I enjoy going out, playing VG, reading (daily), traveling, and coming home to calm and quietness after a long day. I always disliked being asked about 'when are you gonna find someone?' or 'are you going to have kids' by folks, it's just pushy and rude. I don't have a mate, but don't want to rush with getting into a relationship just yet.
Hello from a fellow ace! And I completely agree, my family is always saying things like “WHEN you have a boyfriend…” and “WHEN you get married and have kids…” nah, I’m gonna be a musician and live with my best friend in Canada, suck it society!!!
Load More Replies... Lots of love for these women and people in general who choose for what they want in life and aspire to be. My personal view on the matter is that there can exist a parallel between these types of lifestyle and the one that includes a partner (potential kids will make things more difficult, that's true). A good, healthy relationship will nurture your preferred lifestyle(s), wishes and dreams. I try to actively encourage my boyfriend to do what he wants and loves in life, even if that for example means moving away for a period of time. He does the same for me. If we belong together, we'll make it work. If we can't make it work, then life has different journeys planned for each of us. Life doesn't demand you choose between getting married or living your preferred life - the wrong type of people do.
I'd like to add that a relationship is never a must in life, of course!
Load More Replies... My wife and I always say it would be great to have the possibility of two lives: one with kids and one without. I'm a proud father of two kids that I love more than my own life, but my wife and I wanted kids from the beginning. We had them pretty late cause we were having so much fun by ourselves. That's why I understand and respect both decisions made by people.
It's kind of sad when people rely their happiness and meaning of life in the fact of having children.
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All the posts here can be summarized with 1 line: Kids are expensive and since I don't have that expense I'm free to spend my money on...
I see a lot of that too. But not everyone falls into that category. I can afford kids. I can afford a brood of my own, plus all of yours and all of your grandkids and still have whatever I want. But I won’t have kids because I hate them. They’re cringy and boring, loud for no reason, they’re uncomfortable to look at, their voices are shrill and grating, their mouths are dirty, they want everything, they know nothing, they can’t even function to wipe their own butts, they are repetitive and naggy, unappreciative most of the time, they can’t do anything cool or talk about anything interesting, they’re style crampers who take up too much time that could be spent doing something better. Doesn’t matter what I spend my money on, that’s irrelevant. It won’t be kids tho.
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It's good to see people making conscious decisions over kids. Having kids do mean the end of you as the center of your life, at least for 18 years or so. If you're willing, sure go for it. If not, no bid deal. Far too many people just have kids because it's the "right" time or because their peers are doing it only, to resent that decision later on.
I'm a semi-professional dancer and also work 4 days a week as tenured college professor. I don't even have time for pets (though I do miss my cats who died of old age), so yeah, no kids for me. Plus, I don't have to work full-time to afford my life, and can pusue my dancing & travel to venues and competitions when I want.
To the comment on #12 who questions how she could afford to buy a house at 21. First of all she never said started working at 25, just that she'd been working full time in her chosen career for 13 years. She could have been working part time in it before then while finishing her degree. Also she could have had help from family or an inheritance. Or heck, some women work as call girls or model and are so successful they have a lot of spare money.
I run my own childcare business to get my baby fix. I sing in an adult choir and go to the gym three times a week. I go for long hikes through a pretty valley in my neighborhood whenever I want. Sometimes in the winter I bundle up and go on my own little blizzard bar crawl. I spend long weekend afternoons in the library. Or I go to my favorite little wine bar and spend hours just wondering around that neighborhood and splitting my time between the wine, the craft beer place, the coffee shop, and the used bookstore. I can stay as long as I want; and I don't need to check in with anyone. Sometimes I don't check my phone for a whole day or two. If I want to go spend the weekend away....I can. If I want to spend the holiday with my family - no one argues. If I want to go to a local baseball game and stay for the WHOLE thing...I get to. I am finally getting into rpgs - a lifelong dream of mine. I can spend all day practicing my piano, and all night singing karaoke. It's a wonderful life.
Why aren't I seeing this question of childless men, Is it alright for men not to reproduce, but women have to justify their lack of ankle biters?
I'm 51, married later (39), never had kids. I spent my entire 20s traveling the world and having fun and started a career at 29. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was more traditional (kids early; career early) and then I look at my wonderful husband and our adorable pets and wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my friends' kids and my students, but my life is very fun, simple and stress-free without children of my own.
I'm glad that so many people are single, childfree, and happy, but I find it odd when reading some of the comments. I also have 2 degrees, I also sign up and take courses that are of interest to me, I also change jobs when I feel that I need that, I also own a home, I also read, and I also have 2 kids. Why should we make having or not having kids be the reason for being happy or successful? In the modern world kids are not this burden that will definitely ruin your life - I agree having or not being able to have kids can be something very traumatizing for some people in some situations, but this goes both ways.
What about the actual children? It's cute to celebrate Christmas with them qnd take pictures but most parents will love the childhood phase, when their kids were cute and obedient. How many parents have the same relationship with their kids after the age of 16? Not many.
I have a longterm partner who I have been with for 12 years. We have been able to travel extensively all over the world, buy a home on two acres in a rural area so I could quit my corporate job and pursue my dear of rescuing animals, growing food, and starting my own small business. We now have 5 dogs, 3 cats, 8 ducks, 4 tortoises, 5 turtles, 2 dragons and I was recently able to remove the last of our chickens. It hadn't always been sunshine and roses but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world
Unless you come from a rich family or somehow land a high paying job most of what is described here will be out your reach. Single, childfree and happy little panda here although I do help my sister care for my ageing mother (that has helped me realise I have no patience for other people, let alone needy kids). For me I get to go where I want (assuming I can afford it at the time) when I want without needing to ask another person if they want to come along. I go swimming in the summer after work (flexi time is great) or snuggle up on the couch with a good series. I don't own a house (cannot afford to buy one) but I have a nice little rental place just for me. I go on holiday once a year to a local place. It is a good life and I love it.
I love that these women are free to live their lives as they see fit! I wish we all knew that we can do so! What scares me here is the majority of responses revolving around "I have a successful career", or "I have a job I love", or "I make good money!". Having kids or marriage doesn't mean you're stuck in a worthless, shitty job with no prospects, c'mon...
Can I just say this article was off to a great start before they put not one, but TWO single cat lady stories in the top 10? Pets are great but, wow, way to stereotype guys. My husband and I are childless by choice, we both work in hospitality on remote island resorts. Because this is our life for so long and our island family is our real family, having a child isn't really an option without having to find a new job and home and legit family. And even if we did all that, our careers basically only allow us to work nights, meaning extra fees for child care if and when available. We aren't working on double degrees, or travelling the world. We are just working our arses off, hanging on by the skin of our teeth, and God forbid having some fun in between people hassling us why no kids and why aren't you rich you have no kids lol
I'm really happy with my life, this year I will be 50, my daughter will be 21 and she's fully independent (studying and volunteers for The Samaritans). I'm in a relationship but live in my own place. I'm disabled and have chronic illnesses so my health isn't what it used to be but I am finally financially independent. Life would certainly be easier with more money; I'd love to be able to help my friends and family. I have time with my partner and time alone, I live by my own rules and no-one dictates what I do. I'm the main provider when it comes to running our 2 households, but I'm with a good, kind, respectful man who appreciates everything I do for the both of us. We've both been married before (him twice despite him never wanting to get married) but at our stage in life, we're content with our arrangement.
So what pisses me off is over and over it's freedom and career vs. children. Or just a career or children, never both. I can attest I have two degrees and was working on my 3rd when I realized I wanted to have kids and I couldn't put it off - not because it is impossible to get a PhD and have children but because in my country there is no way to do both period. In the doctoral fellowship program I was in you were expected to do 70-80 hours on site work for 5-7 years, no maternity leave or policy for that nor childcare, when one is the most fertile part of one's life, after that one has to in addition do a post-doc which is only slightly better in pay for another ~7 years. I would have been 40 when I was done, and then working on establishing my name at that point. So I am a wealthy (not $) with children and I can't believe how much I love them and keep falling in love with them but my "nimble mind" (not my words) is doing kids and not working for our world other then those kids.
I didn't have my daughter until I was 30. All through my 20s I had a blast. It was the best time in my life. Nothing beats independence. I've been w my husband for almost 24 yrs so we've built a nice life. I will be honest though it did take me a good ten years of being a mother before I found myself again and now that I've turned 50 and going through menopause I'm on another journey. This one seems to be difficult in different ways then it was when I became a mom.
Another post implying that if you have kids as a woman, then say goodbye to other nice things in life. You know what, you can have multiple degrees, jobs, money, house, margaritas, hobbies and cats irrespective of whether you have a spouse and/or children. It’s not a binary choice, can we stop presenting it as such.
There are a lot of 'fun with kids' articles on Bored Panda. These people are just saying how much more freedom and money THEY have. It isn't telling anyone what to do. However, for some who might be dithering because of societal pressures and not their own desires it may just give them the added impetus to stick with what they want. No-one needs to hear a load of parents justifying their decisions when getting married and having children has been considered the accepted norm for centuries, or did you not notice that those without children were frequently pitied or made to defend THEIR choices ad nauseum. May not be a binary choice but there is definitely a sliding scale.
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as a woman who never expected to have a kid, i thought i would have the same feelings that these women shared. and, yes, a bit a envy came into play while reading this. but, what having a kid unexpectedly did for me was to make me more focused. i returned to college. got a good career. and, i learned so much about myself through having a child. in fact, to the point i wish i was a little more free in how i raised him. but, all is good. we have a great relationship with my 42 burly bearded hardass of a son being a self proclaimed mama's boy. fortunately his wife understands our relationship and does not resent it. as for me...if they ever split up i would be hard pressed not to keep her first just because it is so nice to have a daughter after a lifetime of sons and grandsons
Most do have a family. Just not with their own children. Such narrow definitions people live by...
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Don't worry, single and child-free people hear the same tiring comments from parents about how "kids are such a blessing" and "you're missing out on love" and gag ad naseum. We get it and we don't care. Jeez...if you want to make accusations about overcompensating, every time someone tries to call me "selfish" for not having kids and trying to pressure me all I can think is that they want me to become a parent like them because misery loves company.
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They aren't. If that is what you hear, that's due to your own skews and views on life. No-one actually needs to hear a load of parents justifying their decisions when getting married and having children has been considered the accepted norm for centuries. Those without children are frequently pitied or made to defend their choices, usually by parents. Some often sounding desperate to make it sound like 'of course we can all do those things' and yet somehow most don't. Funny how so many go on about how exhausted they are, talk about how tough raising children is. May not be a binary choice but there is definitely a sliding scale of what people have time and money for and people just want to keep glossing over that.
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Because that was what the article was about. Sure you could find lonely women. You can find practically any type of person or situation to fill a category if you want. Including people who regret having children, though too many people like to pretend that one doesn't exist.
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Daughters? My brother takes care of our parents, cause he's the only one who stayed single.
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This comment is kind of one-sided too, assuming that just because you marry and procreate that you will be taken care of. That's not always the case.
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Do YOU do social work? Because if not then you can shut the hell up. Women aren't obligated to spend their lives trying to help others.
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Haha funny, except for the fact you did, indeed, comment
Load More Replies... I resent the implication that being single or at least childfree automatically means we're all well off financially. Many of these posts describe women who are also very privileged. Being a homeowner at 21? Nothing to do with being single and childless. Traveling the world? I work full time and have neither the money nor the time for that. Fantastic if it works out well for them, but please don't generalize. I for one have too many people around me who assume that I sleep on bags of gold and that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Nope, not even close - and I like my life in general.
Exactly. I do not have children and I cant work so I literarly have food and a roof solely because my partner pays for it. We struggle a lot living with only one salary..
Load More Replies... Men always make out as if it's women who want to get married and do the whole settling down thing, but the reality is that is actually men who want to do it. Witness the uprise in men who demand that women be made available to them and who say that women have 'too many rights'. The whole system of coupledom works a lot better for men than it does women, and always has.
Or it's both? Depends on the person. I know men who have no interest in marriage and kids. I know women who have no interest. I know men who want kids, and I know women who wants kids. There's no rule. I know a woman who adopted well into her forties and is now a single mom. Everyone's different.
Load More Replies... Most of these have to do with having money, which of course you have less when you have kids. But the benefits that they list are all about money, and since I'm broke, I think I'll have kids then haha. Just kidding :)
Single childfree people in my country pay waaaayyyy more taxes than couples with or without kids. This is really frustrating and actually quite discriminating.
Load More Replies... Being childfree is an amazing choice (or otherwise) to make and presents opportunities - but so many of these comments assume you have to choose between a life you want and children. For women that has traditionally been the case – but it doesn’t have to be. I was late to marriage and kids and didn’t really want kids (until I did) so I did most of these things before I had kids. Got my degree. Travelled the world alone. But the thing is… all these things are still possible with kids. You don't have to sacrifice yourself and all your dreams for your children. I still take impromptu weekends away on my own or with my girlfriends, I can still go to the bar and dance 'til 3am, I learnt a new language, I have hobbies, I work a fulfilling career and I am not defined by my role as mother. All of this is possible because my partner is an actual EQUAL carer of the children. We work together as a team and together we make sure that we each have what we need to be who we are.
My point is… if you don’t want kids – great!! But if you do, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to sacrifice yourself.
Load More Replies... I liked seeing the point of view of all the women in this article; even though I'm way too young to have kids now, this is making me very comfortable in my not wanting kids haha. However, I'm pretty disappointed with the amount of people commenting and saying that these people are selfish, or asking why they couldn't do things like travel/have pets with kids. Like, it's these women's choice and they're living fulfilling lives. The article isn't about what you can do ONLY if you don't have kids, it's people telling why they personally didn't and what they enjoy about it. Please just respect their decisions and if you don't like it, kindly frick off and go read a different article
Hear hear. Comes across a tad desperate to justify their choices to be honest. People having children is a purely selfish act - they have children because THEY want them. No other reason. Fine, great. Just let people alone and stop acting as if those without are going to be alone 'at the end' and 'you'll end up in a care home'. Loads of people WITH children end up in care homes. Awful argument with such a self-centred core.
Load More Replies... Stopped reading around 30th post, it seems all these people have a lot of money and good jobs, so maybe that's why they're living their best life.. I knew very early on that I won't have kids due to a medical condition. I have had a great life so far, have a niece and nephew that I dote on and now since I've recently gotten married, I have a wonderful stepson who spends half of his time with us and half with his mom. Having been childless all this time, I can honestly say that I've gotten used to having my life/time etc. to my self and I really don't know if I'll be able to handle having a child, but every now and then, I feel that I would give anything to hold That little precious bundle in my arms. I do feel that I've missed out on the joy of being a parent.
Till that precious bundle poops on ya.... :)
Load More Replies... I don't have a desire to sprout my own family. Also the other reason I don't have a desire to make my own belly spawn is that I'm asexual. I'm in a good career (although not very high paying), I enjoy going out, playing VG, reading (daily), traveling, and coming home to calm and quietness after a long day. I always disliked being asked about 'when are you gonna find someone?' or 'are you going to have kids' by folks, it's just pushy and rude. I don't have a mate, but don't want to rush with getting into a relationship just yet.
Hello from a fellow ace! And I completely agree, my family is always saying things like “WHEN you have a boyfriend…” and “WHEN you get married and have kids…” nah, I’m gonna be a musician and live with my best friend in Canada, suck it society!!!
Load More Replies... Lots of love for these women and people in general who choose for what they want in life and aspire to be. My personal view on the matter is that there can exist a parallel between these types of lifestyle and the one that includes a partner (potential kids will make things more difficult, that's true). A good, healthy relationship will nurture your preferred lifestyle(s), wishes and dreams. I try to actively encourage my boyfriend to do what he wants and loves in life, even if that for example means moving away for a period of time. He does the same for me. If we belong together, we'll make it work. If we can't make it work, then life has different journeys planned for each of us. Life doesn't demand you choose between getting married or living your preferred life - the wrong type of people do.
I'd like to add that a relationship is never a must in life, of course!
Load More Replies... My wife and I always say it would be great to have the possibility of two lives: one with kids and one without. I'm a proud father of two kids that I love more than my own life, but my wife and I wanted kids from the beginning. We had them pretty late cause we were having so much fun by ourselves. That's why I understand and respect both decisions made by people.
It's kind of sad when people rely their happiness and meaning of life in the fact of having children.
Load More Replies... All the posts here can be summarized with 1 line: Kids are expensive and since I don't have that expense I'm free to spend my money on...
I see a lot of that too. But not everyone falls into that category. I can afford kids. I can afford a brood of my own, plus all of yours and all of your grandkids and still have whatever I want. But I won’t have kids because I hate them. They’re cringy and boring, loud for no reason, they’re uncomfortable to look at, their voices are shrill and grating, their mouths are dirty, they want everything, they know nothing, they can’t even function to wipe their own butts, they are repetitive and naggy, unappreciative most of the time, they can’t do anything cool or talk about anything interesting, they’re style crampers who take up too much time that could be spent doing something better. Doesn’t matter what I spend my money on, that’s irrelevant. It won’t be kids tho.
Load More Replies... It's good to see people making conscious decisions over kids. Having kids do mean the end of you as the center of your life, at least for 18 years or so. If you're willing, sure go for it. If not, no bid deal. Far too many people just have kids because it's the "right" time or because their peers are doing it only, to resent that decision later on.
I'm a semi-professional dancer and also work 4 days a week as tenured college professor. I don't even have time for pets (though I do miss my cats who died of old age), so yeah, no kids for me. Plus, I don't have to work full-time to afford my life, and can pusue my dancing & travel to venues and competitions when I want.
To the comment on #12 who questions how she could afford to buy a house at 21. First of all she never said started working at 25, just that she'd been working full time in her chosen career for 13 years. She could have been working part time in it before then while finishing her degree. Also she could have had help from family or an inheritance. Or heck, some women work as call girls or model and are so successful they have a lot of spare money.
I run my own childcare business to get my baby fix. I sing in an adult choir and go to the gym three times a week. I go for long hikes through a pretty valley in my neighborhood whenever I want. Sometimes in the winter I bundle up and go on my own little blizzard bar crawl. I spend long weekend afternoons in the library. Or I go to my favorite little wine bar and spend hours just wondering around that neighborhood and splitting my time between the wine, the craft beer place, the coffee shop, and the used bookstore. I can stay as long as I want; and I don't need to check in with anyone. Sometimes I don't check my phone for a whole day or two. If I want to go spend the weekend away....I can. If I want to spend the holiday with my family - no one argues. If I want to go to a local baseball game and stay for the WHOLE thing...I get to. I am finally getting into rpgs - a lifelong dream of mine. I can spend all day practicing my piano, and all night singing karaoke. It's a wonderful life.
Why aren't I seeing this question of childless men, Is it alright for men not to reproduce, but women have to justify their lack of ankle biters?
I'm 51, married later (39), never had kids. I spent my entire 20s traveling the world and having fun and started a career at 29. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was more traditional (kids early; career early) and then I look at my wonderful husband and our adorable pets and wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my friends' kids and my students, but my life is very fun, simple and stress-free without children of my own.
I'm glad that so many people are single, childfree, and happy, but I find it odd when reading some of the comments. I also have 2 degrees, I also sign up and take courses that are of interest to me, I also change jobs when I feel that I need that, I also own a home, I also read, and I also have 2 kids. Why should we make having or not having kids be the reason for being happy or successful? In the modern world kids are not this burden that will definitely ruin your life - I agree having or not being able to have kids can be something very traumatizing for some people in some situations, but this goes both ways.
What about the actual children? It's cute to celebrate Christmas with them qnd take pictures but most parents will love the childhood phase, when their kids were cute and obedient. How many parents have the same relationship with their kids after the age of 16? Not many.
I have a longterm partner who I have been with for 12 years. We have been able to travel extensively all over the world, buy a home on two acres in a rural area so I could quit my corporate job and pursue my dear of rescuing animals, growing food, and starting my own small business. We now have 5 dogs, 3 cats, 8 ducks, 4 tortoises, 5 turtles, 2 dragons and I was recently able to remove the last of our chickens. It hadn't always been sunshine and roses but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world
Unless you come from a rich family or somehow land a high paying job most of what is described here will be out your reach. Single, childfree and happy little panda here although I do help my sister care for my ageing mother (that has helped me realise I have no patience for other people, let alone needy kids). For me I get to go where I want (assuming I can afford it at the time) when I want without needing to ask another person if they want to come along. I go swimming in the summer after work (flexi time is great) or snuggle up on the couch with a good series. I don't own a house (cannot afford to buy one) but I have a nice little rental place just for me. I go on holiday once a year to a local place. It is a good life and I love it.
I love that these women are free to live their lives as they see fit! I wish we all knew that we can do so! What scares me here is the majority of responses revolving around "I have a successful career", or "I have a job I love", or "I make good money!". Having kids or marriage doesn't mean you're stuck in a worthless, shitty job with no prospects, c'mon...
Can I just say this article was off to a great start before they put not one, but TWO single cat lady stories in the top 10? Pets are great but, wow, way to stereotype guys. My husband and I are childless by choice, we both work in hospitality on remote island resorts. Because this is our life for so long and our island family is our real family, having a child isn't really an option without having to find a new job and home and legit family. And even if we did all that, our careers basically only allow us to work nights, meaning extra fees for child care if and when available. We aren't working on double degrees, or travelling the world. We are just working our arses off, hanging on by the skin of our teeth, and God forbid having some fun in between people hassling us why no kids and why aren't you rich you have no kids lol
I'm really happy with my life, this year I will be 50, my daughter will be 21 and she's fully independent (studying and volunteers for The Samaritans). I'm in a relationship but live in my own place. I'm disabled and have chronic illnesses so my health isn't what it used to be but I am finally financially independent. Life would certainly be easier with more money; I'd love to be able to help my friends and family. I have time with my partner and time alone, I live by my own rules and no-one dictates what I do. I'm the main provider when it comes to running our 2 households, but I'm with a good, kind, respectful man who appreciates everything I do for the both of us. We've both been married before (him twice despite him never wanting to get married) but at our stage in life, we're content with our arrangement.
So what pisses me off is over and over it's freedom and career vs. children. Or just a career or children, never both. I can attest I have two degrees and was working on my 3rd when I realized I wanted to have kids and I couldn't put it off - not because it is impossible to get a PhD and have children but because in my country there is no way to do both period. In the doctoral fellowship program I was in you were expected to do 70-80 hours on site work for 5-7 years, no maternity leave or policy for that nor childcare, when one is the most fertile part of one's life, after that one has to in addition do a post-doc which is only slightly better in pay for another ~7 years. I would have been 40 when I was done, and then working on establishing my name at that point. So I am a wealthy (not $) with children and I can't believe how much I love them and keep falling in love with them but my "nimble mind" (not my words) is doing kids and not working for our world other then those kids.
I didn't have my daughter until I was 30. All through my 20s I had a blast. It was the best time in my life. Nothing beats independence. I've been w my husband for almost 24 yrs so we've built a nice life. I will be honest though it did take me a good ten years of being a mother before I found myself again and now that I've turned 50 and going through menopause I'm on another journey. This one seems to be difficult in different ways then it was when I became a mom.
Another post implying that if you have kids as a woman, then say goodbye to other nice things in life. You know what, you can have multiple degrees, jobs, money, house, margaritas, hobbies and cats irrespective of whether you have a spouse and/or children. It’s not a binary choice, can we stop presenting it as such.
There are a lot of 'fun with kids' articles on Bored Panda. These people are just saying how much more freedom and money THEY have. It isn't telling anyone what to do. However, for some who might be dithering because of societal pressures and not their own desires it may just give them the added impetus to stick with what they want. No-one needs to hear a load of parents justifying their decisions when getting married and having children has been considered the accepted norm for centuries, or did you not notice that those without children were frequently pitied or made to defend THEIR choices ad nauseum. May not be a binary choice but there is definitely a sliding scale.
Load More Replies... as a woman who never expected to have a kid, i thought i would have the same feelings that these women shared. and, yes, a bit a envy came into play while reading this. but, what having a kid unexpectedly did for me was to make me more focused. i returned to college. got a good career. and, i learned so much about myself through having a child. in fact, to the point i wish i was a little more free in how i raised him. but, all is good. we have a great relationship with my 42 burly bearded hardass of a son being a self proclaimed mama's boy. fortunately his wife understands our relationship and does not resent it. as for me...if they ever split up i would be hard pressed not to keep her first just because it is so nice to have a daughter after a lifetime of sons and grandsons
Most do have a family. Just not with their own children. Such narrow definitions people live by...
Load More Replies... Don't worry, single and child-free people hear the same tiring comments from parents about how "kids are such a blessing" and "you're missing out on love" and gag ad naseum. We get it and we don't care. Jeez...if you want to make accusations about overcompensating, every time someone tries to call me "selfish" for not having kids and trying to pressure me all I can think is that they want me to become a parent like them because misery loves company.
Load More Replies... They aren't. If that is what you hear, that's due to your own skews and views on life. No-one actually needs to hear a load of parents justifying their decisions when getting married and having children has been considered the accepted norm for centuries. Those without children are frequently pitied or made to defend their choices, usually by parents. Some often sounding desperate to make it sound like 'of course we can all do those things' and yet somehow most don't. Funny how so many go on about how exhausted they are, talk about how tough raising children is. May not be a binary choice but there is definitely a sliding scale of what people have time and money for and people just want to keep glossing over that.
Load More Replies... Because that was what the article was about. Sure you could find lonely women. You can find practically any type of person or situation to fill a category if you want. Including people who regret having children, though too many people like to pretend that one doesn't exist.
Load More Replies... Daughters? My brother takes care of our parents, cause he's the only one who stayed single.
Load More Replies... This comment is kind of one-sided too, assuming that just because you marry and procreate that you will be taken care of. That's not always the case.
Load More Replies... Do YOU do social work? Because if not then you can shut the hell up. Women aren't obligated to spend their lives trying to help others.
Load More Replies... Haha funny, except for the fact you did, indeed, comment
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