Girls grow up thinking that pregnancy is going to be one of the biggest highpoints in their lives. The reality, however, can be quite different. Weird body changes. One Google search after another. Yes, bringing a baby into this world is really darn cool, but the experience is full of surprises too.
Earlier this month, Reddit user u/BonkBoi_TacoFace submitted a question to r/AskReddit: "Pregnant women of Reddit, what is something you wish you knew before you got pregnant?" And their call was heard. Women immediately started sending in their answers, and as of today, the post has over 14,700 comments, many of which provide eye-opening insights into gestation.
Bored Panda also spoke with Vicki Broadbent, a writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the parenting blog Honest Mum, to learn more about pregnancy and the challenges that come with it.
"The pressures on pregnant women and mothers is utterly palpable so please be kind to yourself," Broadbent, who also shares parenting advice and candid family moments on her Instagram account, said.
Continue scrolling and check out the full interview in between the entries!
Image credits: Vicki Broadbent / Honest Mum
This post may include affiliate links.
Nobody talks enough about how difficult breastfeeding is. You’re told it’s the “best” for the baby but then people assume it’s always a choice when it doesn’t work out. It’s not as if baby or mother automatically know how to latch and it can cause so much stress, which affects milk supply as well. There are physiological things with baby and mom that can make it difficult... and it can be extremely painful. I bled and my first even gnawed off a piece of my nipple. It was more traumatic than childbirth for me but I felt guilty about quitting. Advice to my younger self or new moms: breast is not best, FED is best. Don’t beat yourself up and switch to formula if breastfeeding is too difficult.
That's what propaganda does to you, even if it's for something as positive as breastfeeding. A girl in my hospital room was so stressed out because her baby didn't latch immediately, she cried for hours and by the time they got to go home she was a nervous wreck. Nothing should be done at all costs, even if it's "best for the baby". Fed is indeed best, not breastfed.
"I'd personally hoped for the best but planned for the worst with my pregnancies, as I needed an emergency section with my first baby which was a world apart from the water birth I'd dreamed of," the author of The Working Mom: Your Guide to Surviving and Thriving at Work and at Home told Bored Panda.
"Now that I practice meditation, I know I would have leaned on that throughout my pregnancies and beyond to help center and soothe me. Free apps such as Insight Timer are perfect as they have over 80,000 free meditation exercises available, some only a few minutes long."
That no matter how much you planned and wanted your baby, postpartum depression can happen to you and it is very, very real.
It is not something you can control. Hormones are liars. Partners of new moms, please pay close attention. Get help. Do not try to tough it out.
A quick Google search would reveal there's plenty of information on pregnancy. Maybe too much. Not to some media 'filters', set in place to make this content appealing to a wider audience. Navigating such mazes can become really tricky. "I think parents and parents-to-be are discussing pregnancy more candidly than ever now thanks to social media but there are still barriers to information and education depending on where you live in the world and how much access you have to medical professionals," Broadbent said.
You do not have to enjoy EVERY minute of parenthood. It's ok to have bad days and days when you think your kids are jerks. You're not f**king this up - it's just THAT hard.
Do. Not. Join. An. On-line. Mom. Group.
No.
I am on two Facebook mum groups and they are actually very supportive. Rude and nasty comments are deleted and the person banned. They are quite regulated.
The Honest Mum, for example, had suffered from a pregnancy liver condition called ICP in 2010 which some studies have shown can result in stillbirth, and struggled to find enough information about it at the time. "Research was limited and I received opposing information from health professionals. Very few were openly discussing PND and birth trauma a decade ago, (I suffered from the latter) either in parenting groups or online (for fear of failure as a parent and perhaps fear their baby might be taken from them)."
Miscarriage is ridiculously common.
I say this as someone currently carrying a dead baby waiting for the NHS to give me a surgical removal.
Having a baby CAN destroy your body for many women. Forget the “women have been doing this for generations” bulls**t, which I think can dismiss the very real toll that pregnancy/childbirth can have on a body. Many women suffer long term incontinence after birth, much of the time this can be improved with therapy but maybe never fully healed—and some women it never heals for. Your stomach will never look the same. I had a small waist and flat stomach before kids and now I have an unbelievable fat sack on my stomach and so many deep red stretch marks that haven’t faded. I gained a lot of weight despite not eating much due to bad food aversions. I’m leaking poop after giving birth due to a third degree tear and pelvic floor issues, and I’m told that there’s a high chance that future pregnancies and births will only exacerbate my issue, especially if it doesn’t improve soon. And I’m a first time mom and only 27!! WTF!! I don’t hate my new baby, but I certainly don’t know if I would say it’s “worth it,” considering my body feels ravaged and will never be the same. I basically lost 9 months of my life due to being very sick most of my pregnancy, and now will lose many more months due to a difficult recovery.
Broadbent is happy that when blogging and social media really exploded, many writers such as herself found the courage to share their own experiences. "My piece on birth trauma has helped many women and many other similar pieces online are helping parents to feel less alone, and vitally able to reach the help they need to heal," she said.
Miscarriages are not spoken about enough. No-one tells you how much it's going to hurt nor how long your hormones will take ages to go back to 'normal' and how much it affects your mental health.
How difficult it is to raise a teenager.
So not looking forward to this, I remember me as a teen. My parents are saints, honestly it's a miracle I'm still here.
One study confirmed that pregnant women and those with young children place a high value on the information and support they receive from using online sources and apps. "They are accustomed to ready and immediate access to information using digital technologies and want better access to that offered by professionals," professor Deborah Lupton, the author of the research, concluded, adding that recognizing and finding ways to meet these needs should be included in planning healthcare provision and support for soon-to-be-parents.
You stop being able to sleep way before the baby gets here.
Everyone loves to tell me to 'sleep now while I can' but pregnancy leads to unexplained insomnia and I’m a total wreck already.
No one ever told me about the 'third delivery,' aka your first poop.
The first delivery is the baby, second is the placenta, and the third is the poop. I was struggling for so long to poop.
Anything to do with post birth is “suspiciously” never talked about because it’s the third circle of hell
Does the first poop hurt or are you just constipated or what? Sorry if TMI I’m just curious about what happens.
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Never heard it called the "third delivery" before. However, I do remember being told I had to have a BM before I could go home. Having delivered almost 9 pounds of a baby this became a monumental task. BEST ADVICE FOR NEW MOMS: ask for prune juice and lots of fruit.
The dreaded first poop. I felt the same about the first pee also, that stung.
I was afraid of it, too. Hint: If you wait until you really have to go, you barely have to push. Just relax and let go.
Sorry, but that is not true for every woman. I never had trouble pooping postpartum.
For baby showers I always get my friends Sitz Baths (basically a portable bidet). Every single one has thanked me profusely after they have the kid.
Not true. First delivery has often been the poop, I remember my Dr calling out to the nurses, "Not my shoes." as my delivery splattered all over them.
I was traumatized as a child when I heard my cousin scream in the bathroom after she came home from the hospital two days after the baby. It was that day that I learned about tearing up down there when giving birth, and apparently her stitches ripped open in the bathroom. I will never forget that experience. I was about 10.
I was in the hospital for 10 days post birth because my bladder would not work. I also didn't have a bowel movement until I went home.
I keep hearing about the dreading first pop, but it really wasn't an issue for me. Now, pooping during pregnancy.... that was horrendous. Pregnancy constipation on top of my normal IBS constipation on top of anti-nausea med constipation. There was one time with my second that I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital for an impaction - I was laying on the floor sweating and trembling and too weak to push anymore. Labor was more enjoyable.
Make sure to eat higher finer foods in the lead up to delivery and right after. Beetroot is amazing for laxation as well as porridge etc. that way it will be easier.
But this topic is relevant nowadays too. "Being pregnant during this crisis, however, has meant women are experiencing scans, losses, labor, and early parenthood in scenarios they would never have imagined. It has been an isolating, difficult time for most," Broadbent said.
So what to do? Broadbent suggests that parents trust their gut. According to her, no one knows a mother's body or her baby as well as she does, so if you have any concerns, act on those. "I've never been wrong about any cause for concern with my own kids, now aged 8 and 11. I feel I have a special connection/maternal superpower when it comes to my children and many other mums say the same," she explained.
"I've been known to wake from a deep sleep with the urge to check on my sleeping child in the other room, only to discover he is unwell or has a fever. Learn to trust yourself."
Lochia, it’s basically the biggest “period” ever as your body expels the leftovers from carrying a baby, and it can go on for weeks. I will never forget being told that I might pass clots as big as a tennis ball and that was normal. So gross.
Also, babies in the womb can have hiccups. Hiccups are weird enough when they’re your own, it’s bizarre to feel someone else’s.
At least you got told about the clots. I didn’t and when I produced a golf ball sized one, I freaked out and immediately called the hospital.
For some people, labor doesn't start with water breaking and 30 minutes later there's a baby. My water broke and 29 hours later the baby decided to show up.
That was me too, my labour started at 9.30 am, waters broke at around 10pm, my baby eventually cut out at 11:30 pm the next day. Sounds horrible but I would do again it twice over for my baby.
That everyone has an opinion on what you do whilst pregnant and how you want to raise your child.
You can mess with them in utero.
When I was close to the end of both of my pregnancies one of my favorite things to do was, when he would push up against my rib cage I would pound back a glass of ice water or eat a bowl of ice cream and as soon as that coldness hit my stomach he would back down. Also, my first liked to push his butt up against the front wall of my stomach pretty hard, so that there was a tiny little bump that you couldn't see but I could feel, so I could sort of grab it and shake it around a little bit.
haha my son would push so hard I could see his toes, so I'd tickle them.
Baby kicks don’t feel like butterflies. They feel like something crawled across your skin quickly but from the inside.
How hard it can be to get and stay pregnant. Everyone imagines it will happen easily and quickly and, unfortunately, it's not the case for so many women.
And for women who've dealt with infertility or loss, how much anxiety you'll have throughout the pregnancy.
And it's always assumed the issue lies with the woman's body, not the man's sperm
From my mom: I paralyzed her from the waist down for a few hours because I decided to take a nap on her spinal cord in the third trimester. The doctor's response was "yeah you'll be able to move again once they wake up." Pregnancy is pure body horror.
Oof I can’t imagine being paralyzed and knowing it’s was because of my baby I would will for it to wake up Asap
That not all gynecologists are competent. And if you have a feeling yours isn't, find a new one.
Mine was very personable, did my d&c for my miscarriage before my first born, didn't really give me any red flags until after I was pregnant again.
Long story short, he forgot (I guess?) to have me tested for gestational diabetes, and I had it. There were OBVIOUS signs that he didn't catch, that I didn't even know were signs until my new doctor told me. My son ended up having to be in NICU for 3 days after he was born because he couldn't regulate his own blood sugar.
Every doctor and nurse I talked to along the way was appalled I hadn't gotten tested. He also didn't catch that I was anemic the whole pregnancy either.
Thank God we're all healthy and happy now but looking back I should've changed doctors
that guy should've been fired, if he's that incompetent who knows what will happen next time
Your body does not magically go back to normal once the baby is out. You have weeks of healing.
You either had your vagina rip or your stomach cut open, your boobs are still on baby mode, and you have a whole new set of problems now. Pooping will be terrifying and depression risks are higher.
If you lose 10% or more of your body weight due to nausea and vomiting, it is a BIG deal and could put you and the baby's life in danger. If your OB acts like it isn't, find another doctor!
written by a two time Hyperemesis Gravidarium survivor. Lost 42 lbs during one pregnancy and 35 with the other. And that was WITH constant zofran and IV's and a PIC line and hospital bed rest.
When I was in hospital there was a woman in my room that was vomiting (mostly dry) ALL bloody day/night. She could barely walk coz she was so weak, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t keep any food or fluids down and in constant pain. You could hear it. Couldn’t imagine having to deal with that.
You’re going to need to pee ALL the time. And only a drop will come out. Then you need to pee again 15 mins later. The most annoying time is during the night when you should be sleeping, but instead you’re just getting up to pee every few hours.
That cravings aren't just food. I craved dirt, particularly beach sand. The smell of the beach was excruciating, I just wanted to shovel handfuls into my mouth. I never ate dirt or sand and the craving went away when baby was born.
A friend of a friend told me she craved freshly poured asphalt so in a way I'm glad my craving was just dirt.
Currently pregnant and due to have my first kid in about a month. Wish I’d known I would end up doing everything by myself. And I wish I’d known how difficult the 3rd trimester would be without a partner to help me. Or that the baby’s father would show up at the ninth hour with a new girlfriend demanding shared custody. I’ve always been a believer of “everything happens for a reason” but it’s getting very difficult to see the good in all of this.
Wow, sounds like you got rid of bad rubbish. And yes you can do it. Just don't be a die hard mum, ask for help and take everything offered. There are people there to help you xxx No one will think worse of you, quite the opposite, they will think you are strong and being the best mum you can be.
Seeing a pregnant woman makes strangers:
Want to touch her and touch her belly. Which they often do without even asking.
Makes them tell their worst pregnancy and delivery stories. If they had a hard delivery, they'll tell instead the story of their friend who was even worse. It makes childbirth into a one-upmanship contest of horror stories, which is probably about the last thing any pregnant woman wants to hear, let alone hear it every time she's out in public.
Stuff stays with your body afterwards. I developed allergies after I had my second child, and my feet definitely got bigger. Hormones are no joke.
Randomly my big toe on my right foot is always cold and numb. It's been 8 years now.
Everyone talks about pregnancy cravings.... no one tells you that the opposite can happen. During this pregnancy, my 2nd, I had aversions to most food until about 22/23 weeks. I’m 27.5 weeks now and finally starting to feel better about eating, but certainly don’t have cravings.
Pregnancy brain is REAL. It's not a joke. It's not exaggerated.
When you start forgetting, misplacing, and outright losing things, you can start feeling like you're also losing your mind.
How I'd get loads of random skin changes.
Skin tags, so many skin tags!
Moles growing into skin tags then dropping off, like WTF body
Sandpaper dry skin, which I still get from time to time, just this one patch on the back of my right hand
My facial skin changing from t-zone oily to t-zone flaky and never going back
My psoriasis on my scalp going away, this did come back but not as bad
Hair - so you stop shedding hair whilst pregnant and you get really thick lovely hair. A few weeks after birth you start to lose all that extra hair. Literally handfuls will come out in the shower and it's really freaky
My hair went from blond to almost black while pregnant, it never went back.
Each pregnancy is different, even with the same person.
I have three kids. The first pregnancy was very typical and followed the normal timeline. The second pregnancy was awful. I was miserable and sick the entire time. The third pregnancy was easy peasy and I finally understood why some women liked being pregnant.
How it and childbirth can still kill you despite modern medicine.
Yep, it is called labour for a reason and not all mums and children make it. 😢
During labor, the 'water breaking' is not one rush of liquid. It’s continuous and can occur for several hours.
It’s horrendous and messy. It feels like peeing but you have zero control over anything and if you tense up then everything is much more painful and weird feeling.
My waters broke as my daughter was about to start crowning. There was a “POP” sound and a sac flew across the room and hit the wall splattering everywhere. All gave us a good laugh. Second time the midwife had to break my waters with what looked like a crochet hook.
What HG is, how to recognize the symptoms, when to call the doctor and how to advocate for yourself.
Basically HG means you get extreme nausea. If you tell a doctor you're nauseated all the time and are vomiting excessively, they will dismiss it a common pregnancy symptoms. However, vomiting 20-30 times a day is not a normal pregnancy symptom. If you start to lose weight and can't keep down food or liquid, you need to get help ASAP. Ask them to check for ketones in your urine - if they think you're exagerrating, the ketones in your urine will tell them you are not.
Don't take HG lightly and think it will pass. Your body needs food and water, and the lack of nutrients can be very dangerous. It can lead to hart problems, kidney failure and coma. HG doesn't f**k about, before modern medicine women died from it.
The sooner you get help, the easier it is to manage. If you wait until you're dehydrated like crazy, they will have trouble putting an IV needle in and it will take longer to recover. Also, stop eating and drinking healthy. If you're vomiting a lot, make sure you eat/drink sugar and salt to retain more liquid. Isotonic energy drinks are your friend. You might not be able to keep it all down, but they will help you a lot.
Also, anyone with HG or wanting more information on HG, feel free to message me. I'm not a medical expert but I do have first hand experience...
This is mostly a 3rd trimester thing, but that when you are active and moving, it kinda rocks the baby to sleep.
But as soon as you lay down to go to sleep, baby wakes up and starts kicking and spinning.
Might not be super common (?), but I knew a lot of other mothers who complained about this, too.
I wish someone had warned me about muscle cramps.
I had to learn a new way to pop my ankles because every night I would pop them and get massive charley horses in my legs that my fiancé had to massage out.
Your hormones are wild, literally making anything and everything that happens to your body a pregnancy symptom. Bloody nose? Pregnancy. Hands dry? Pregnancy. Itchy skin? Pregnancy.
My boobs hurt so bad. I hit one in my sleep and woke up in excruciating pain. I knew they would get bigger, but the pain was a surprise.
Wait til they get full of milk or even worse, mastitis.
Hair loss! After I had my kid I lost a ton of hair. I would pull fists full of hair during my showers. I thought there was something wrong with me because no one told me about this. Went to Google, totally normal and it happens to everyone. It grows back eventually and you’ll go through an awkward baby hair phase.
Yeah, I was never told this one and I freaked when clumps and clumps of hair was falling out.
Sorry to be the Debbie downer but knowing things can go wrong in any situation. My first child was stillborn at 41 weeks after a healthy and normal pregnancy from a umbilical cord accident. Always trust your gut, count kicks, and advocate for you and your baby’s health
I had heard about sciatica pain but was 100% unprepared for how bad it could be.
That morning sickness isn't in the morning and that I would be puking the whole time, not just in the beginning.
You can “do everything right” and have an “easy” pregnancy but baby is born prematurely. The kicker is you may never get a reason as to why
(Obligatory not pregnant but mom who had a baby in the NICU for over a month)
Not every woman becomes a sex kitten and wants to have sex all the time. Some women literally want nothing to do with it. You’re tired, uncomfortable, and exhausted because hormones.
Every pregnancy is different! This means some pregnant women can work out, hike, do their normal stuff just a little slower most of their pregnancy. Then there are some women who throw up the whole time, and they are weak and tired and just standing up takes time and effort. I was the latter, expecting at the same time as another in the former and I was constantly compared and judged. "working out is healthy for you and the baby, if so and so can do it so can you!"
I didn’t have terrible pregnancies but they weren’t enjoyable either. I never even got the glow that women are “supposed” to get when pregnant.
How being pregnant seems to make other people think they can make incredibly rude observations about your body that they’d never make otherwise!
I sometimes asked hubby and friends “Do I look fat, fat or do I look pregnant fat”.
Your body produces a hormone called relaxin that helps loosen your pelvis in preparation for birth.
Some women get waayyy too much too soon and it loosens everything to the point you lose mobility and every day all day is painful.
Nosebleeds. Not currently pregnant, but when I was, I got nosebleeds every few days during the first and second trimesters.
Nasal congestion from all the extra blood in your body! I couldn't breathe through my nose for months!
THAT IF YOU’RE NOT CAREFUL YOUR ORGANS CAN START PUSHING INTO, AND OUT OF, YOUR VAGINA.
It’s called a prolapse. It happens to an ALARMING number of post pregnant women, and it is completely disregarded by most idiot doctors who’ll just tell you it’s part of being a woman. It’ll probably hit you when you’re older, but if you’re unlucky like me you can have your bladder and rectum bulging into your vagina at the ripe old age of 25. Thankfully I don’t see it at the entrance (which would be a grade 3... grade 4 is when your vagina has turned inside out and dangling out of you) but I do feel like a tampon is falling out of me every moment of everyday.
If you are pregnant and reading this thread, go see a pelvic floor physiotherapist like, yesterday. And don’t listen to the doctor who will tell you to jump back into exercise 6weeks post partum. You can fast track yourself to fun prolapse issues if you dont know how to safety return to exercising. Or what exercises to avoid (I’m looking at you— sit ups and jumping jacks)
Oh, and don’t ever jump on a trampoline. Ever.
Avoid constipation, being blocked up and purple pushing your poop out can also lead to prolapse if you’re doing it too often.
And when they say don’t lift heavy things, don’t lift heavy things. If your breathing technique is out, this could push your weak vagina into collapsed vagina territory. Most women in POP groups (pelvic organ prolapse) comment how they did a certain movement and felt a “drop” and that’s when the nightmare began for them. Don’t wait for that drop.
Anyway I’m 36 weeks with my third and feeling pretty good and asymptomatic (aside from being cumbersome and huge) because I’ve been working on my pelvic floor health. It’s not entirely reversible (unless you’re a grade 1 prolapse) but further damage is preventable.
I had a C-section and the gas pain was no joke. Had to sleep on an incline for days.
I battled with anxiety a lot in my teens but managed to kick it through my 20s. Little did I know it would come back full force during my pregnancy. My anxiety caused severe depression for about a month in my first trimester before I realized it was NOT supposed to be like that. I was able to start on Zoloft and it made a world of difference. If you're planning on getting pregnant/in the early stages of pregnancy, I recommend speaking to a therapist regularly. If you feel your anxiety going bonkers or sense depression coming in, talk to your OB asap!
That current parents lie about what a joy it is to be a parent. Once you have a kid they are then willing to share how kids are a constant battle about everything. Yes they have their moments of awe and love, but the cute baby/toddler phase last 2 years, the whinging about what to wear, eat, going to bed, waking up, brushing teeth, doing homework last 18+ years with a scattering on aww moments to prevent you from going Homer Simpson on them.
I tell people constantly. My husband and our youngest child get very offended. Edit: obviously I love my family. But I’m not going to play into the “oh it’s worth it” when my husband didn’t ruin his body for two kids. And my husband and kids benefit from me turning my life upside down to keep everyone else’s on track. There are plenty of things that are worth it, and plenty that aren’t.
The kicks are sooo unnerving. I never got used to them. I felt like I was in that movie Alien.
That after you give birth, the blood that comes out for weeks will stink like a dead body.
So true. I was embarrassed during the nurse visits because even though she does it everyday it was still horrible. I felt like a fish market.
My wife's currently pregnant, and in the middle of the night my great dane gets up, and licks me in the face to wake me up about two minutes before my wife wakes up feeling ill. Every time. And the dog has never done this before in the 9 years we have had her. It's actually really helpful, but at 2 A.M. the first time it happened I was very confused.
That your rib cage and hips literally pull apart from each other to make room for the freeloading being inside of you.
That there are WAY more symptoms than food cravings, morning sickness, and swollen feet.
There are some women that love being pregnant and there are some women that hate it. When you are pregnant you will automatically be surrounded by women who feel the opposite about it than you.
Yes. I'm nearly 35, have two kids and people keep asking me about another one (like "what about a boy finally this time" 🤬 No, thanks 3 pregnancies almost ruined my health and sanity...
Speaking as the husband, my wife was very annoyed when she learned later in her pregnancy the borderline miracle properties of ginger as regards morning sickness. Wished she'd known it from the git-go.
My first pregnancy was smooth sailing other than some bleeding in the first trimester. Went into labour and was doing great but the kid went into distress, decided to try breathing his own poop and had to be taken out the sunroof very suddenly. Hypoxic brain injury, two collapsed lungs, two weeks in the NICU, very sick baby. Nothing I could possibly have done to change that, apparently it just happens sometimes. Funny enough it gave me an IDGAF attitude for my second pregnancy because I realized I couldn't control the outcome no matter how much I microwaved my lunch meat.
(He's obnoxiously healthy, smart and active now and seems to have avoided the worst case scenarios. He has nothing but a speech delay to show for it at age 3.)
That you can get a horrible full-body rash. It's a rare condition called PUPPP. PUPPP occurs in about 1 in every 200 pregnancies and 70% of sufferers give birth to boys.
I gave birth to a girl. So I was in the 0.15% of women who get this horrible, itchy, mind numbing rash that I suffered with for over two months. I couldn't sleep, I sat half of my day in oatmeal baths. I cried A LOT. The only thing that stopped the itching for a few hours was Grandpa's Tar Soap because it left a coating on my skin that soothed or protected it somehow.
I NEVER want to go through that again.
I wish someone would have warned me about the constipation. Corollary: I wish someone would have warned me that "fiber supplement" does not equal "stool softener."
Today, we're at 26 weeks gestation.
How comfortable maternity pants are. I was stubborn the first time around and didn't want to switch over from my regular clothes. Once I had to I regretted those extra weeks of discomfort all because of vanity
That it's not uncommon to have thyroid problems or lose your gallbladder or both because of hormones etc. That feeling like the bottom dropped out of you weeks after giving birth is not normal and might require therapy. That it's not a good idea to have an OB who LOVES being pregnant and thinks it's easy because she will have zero sympathy when you struggle. That giving birth later in life can actually kick you into early menopause. Maternal care and aftercare is s**t in the U.S.
Not a woman, but i wish i knew the warning signs of preeclampsia, Girlfriend was 7 months pregnant at the time, and had been complaining of generally not feeling good with a constant headache that would occasionally break for a bit, i came home from work(i work overnights) to her sleeping on the floor and i eventually got to bed but i woke up 3 hours later to hear a thud and she was having a seizure, turns out she went eclamptic, she ended up having a c section, daughter was in the nicu for a bit but both are doing great now. What really put things into how close my girlfriend was to dying was the doctors and nurses saying how few people they've seen go eclamptic and one of the nurses said shes only seen 3 cases in like 10 years and 2 of them died.
I wish I'd heard the term 'mother's apron' before I had one. Like, there's warnings all over,"Your body's going to change!" and some specifics on how, but everything I read and heard was reassuring me about how it would all mostly go back eventually. I'm still pretty bitter.
The attention. I'm an introvert and I mostly try to keep to myself at work but that's impossible now. I was pretty small before I got pregnant and I'm now 30 lbs heavier so I'm really showing. People from other departments come and ask me how I'm doing, how far along I am, when the baby is due, what the gender is, if I've picked out a name, etc. It's exhausting.
it may seem obvious but you will not sleep like you used to. i’m a belly sleeper and have had the worst time sleeping since like 15 weeks. pregnancy pillow doesn’t help! currently 36 weeks organs and i’m so happy there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. this is my first and i’m debating if I want to do it again. i’m sure it’ll all be worth it when I meet the sweet babe but we’ll see!
That having a child over 40 is something like Bella in Twilight having that vampire baby. My poor body, I was sick and sore the whole time.
Not for everyone hon, maybe you would have experienced it before too. For me it was just a pregnancy like the rest.
That you don’t actually have 9 months to get ready. By the time you’ve missed your first period, you’re likely already four or five weeks along.
9 months from conception is different than the pregnancy or gestational age. The embryo is about 2 weeks less than the pregnancy age. If you discover at the 4th week, that means you still have 8months and a half to go. Considering birth at th 40th week - 9 months from conception. But it usually varies between 38 to 42 weeks (pregnancy age)
I wish I'd known to go to a pelvic floor physical therapist sooner! Better to prevent issues than fix them later
In France, you get to see this kind of therapist and get the perineal rehabilitation done before you can go to sport. (and it's paid by the Sécurité Sociale because it's a medical prescription for everyone who gave birth).
Not currently pregnant, but I wish I was told about the constant swelling of my ankles & feet. I swelled to the point of needing to buy shoes a size & a half bigger.
I actually went up half a shoe size when I was pregnant with my son, and it still is.
Not currently pregnant, but I didn’t realize just how exhausting being pregnant is.
Also if you like alcohol, there are alcohol removed drinks so you can still enjoy the tastes of wine and other cocktails! FRE is a good brand!
That a baby can wedge it’s tiny feet under your rib and break it. Oh and they don’t necessarily drop later in the pregnancy. My wolverine baby clung to my womb until the last possible second.
Yep! My son broke my ribcage. I also puked to the point where I was popping blood vessels in my eye. They say babies stop kicking before birth, but not my kid- oh no, he kept kicking and they had to double-strap the monitors to me so they wouldn't slide off.
YOU CANT POOP GOOD.
I dunno if it’s iron in the prenatal vitamins, or hormones, or a combination. But I haven’t pooped as usual for months now. Prunes & prune juice are part of my every day diet and still won’t go back to normal.
Also: not every woman gets morning illness. Not every woman gets mad cravings 24/7. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.
Finally, a couple of now-babied friends tell me you really should get some exercise while you can. It will make a difference in months 7 to 9. Yet to get there but definitely working out as I go.
Bread causes heartburn. During the later stages I lived off boiled potatoes and fruit only
Been pregnant before, no one explains morning sickness. There is a difference between feeling sick and you know when you feel really sick like just before you vomit you can feel it at the bottom of your neck about to projectile sick. Had that for 5 weeks straight.
And despite all these problems it is almost impossible to be a childfree woman. Nobody respects you and sometimes they even prioritise your fertility over your health. I was denied three times a hysterectomy that I need for medical reasons "in case that I change my mind". My hypothetical children have more rights then me.
Ugh. That is incredibly awful. Not even in the same ballpark (as it wasn’t for medical reasons) but after my second c section I was told I was too young (22) for a tubal and we “might change [our] minds” (husband was 21). 15 years later, still two kids and definitely did not “change our minds” 🙄
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I regret reading this now..... at least it has enabled me to appreciate what pregnant women go through a bit more.
Think of the mothers you know. Are they fine? Are they healthy women? Pregnancy and birth last such a short time compared to a life time with your kids. If you don't want kids, fine. But if you do, don't let the physical challenges deter you from having one.
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PLEASE add this to the upper list... pregnancy can cause your retina to detach! I started seeing "bugs" flying in front of my face. Once we figured out they weren't really there I called the eye doctor and he told me to come in IMMEDIATELY. It turned out well for me, but if you're pregnant and start having visual hallucinations (flashes of light, dark spots) call your eye doctor RIGHT AWAY so they can intervene.
I wish someone would've told me that your hormones pass through your baby and if you happen to be having a girl there's a good chance that there will be some rubber cement looking s**t coming out of your brand new babie's vagina. That was a fun heart attack a couple of hours after birth when I changed my first babie's diaper for the first time. You would think they would put that in the books and birthing classes. SMH.
I am sooo happy you shared this. That's some nightmare stuff right there if you don't know this.
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There are myriad reasons why I never ever want children. Ever since I was maybe six, I said that I don't want kids. Of course, people told me that I'll change my mind. 25 years later, I still haven't changed my mind. I'm at the age when my mother had me!
Same here. I am still waiting for the 'biological clock' to start, but i am perfectly happy like this. And one more thing: i think we are both taking parenthood very seriously, and wouldn't have kids just to 'see how it feels'. It's not something you do because baby clothes are cute, it's something that has to come from you. I am well past the age when my mom had me (and my brother) and she actually never really wanted kids. And so didn't my grandmother. I am obviously the first to break the chain of having babies because i am expected to and i am kind of proud.
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Oh great now I'm terrified of having a baby. My husband and I have been talking about it, and he really wants to be a father, but I'm scared.
Don’t let fear get in your way if you want children. Most mothers are glad to have kids and go on to have more. Think of the women with kids in your life. I’m sure you know happy, healthy women who have been pregnant.
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I guess that not one of us would be here now if our moms read this :D
I think many women chose to be pregnant despite all of the ways it impacts their body. I also think it is important that women know this stuff beforehand.
Load More Replies... I have a nice one, too: after my first birth, which lasted for 36 hours, was excruciatingly painful and resulted in a 5 kg giant baby, I felt like under shock. But I was also kind of high. The first weeks after, I felt like in a dream, thinking, "I must be Superwoman! If I could survive this, nothing can harm me, and I will never be afraid of anything ever again!" ☺️ It's a pity this feeling didn't last, but it's nice to think of it.
We need to stop romanticizing pregnancy and childbirth, and start being honest about them.
I lost one baby after 4.5 months, and then a week later my milk came in. I had to take a drug to stop it. During one c section, the one thing that I wasn't expecting was that my breath would change because the abdomen was cut open below my muscles that make me breath. When I remarked about it, they thought I was panicking, and they knocked me out. With one pregnancy, they did 3 cerclages, I lost that little girl an hour after she was born, after total hospitalized bed rest 3 weeks. I had another son after total bedrest, hospital 5 months and another cerclage. I've been pregnant 4 times, I have 2 living children. And I'd do it again for them.
i just read all these and they all right! i had fout kids all diff pregnancy first child the doctor let me rip and left me with third degree lasceration i couldnt move for days.
I want someone to invent a "uterine replicater" fertilized egg is placed inside and hatched in 9 months. Women's bodies would not be damaged, kid would not be damaged, and life would be better.
I always think it's interesting when anyone dismisses pregnancy as normal and says that women have been having babies since the dawn of mankind. Women have been dying in childbirth, having miscarriages, and stillbirths. They have been suffering from all sorts of physical and hormonal issues without support for the most part. I had a really dicey delivery of our first child. She and I almost died and I remember the OB said, "that's why the wagon trails across the US are dotted with the graves of mothers and babies". Was it worth it? Would I do it again? Yep. In a heartbeat. But I also realize being a mom is not for everyone.
I actually feel like this is all fairly common knowledge -to anyone who bothers picking up a pregnancy book- and is readily available to anyone. As soon as I got pregnant, all of these things were instantly brought up as soon as I got all those pregnancy books ...and joined a mom board. Pregnancy is no joke and filled with uncertainty for yourself and your newly forming child. Doing the research certainly gave me the peace of mind and forewarning about what I should expect and what possibilities I should prepare for. A lot (but not all) of these posts are exceptions to the rule.
The point is that you still didn't know until you were actively pregnant, which in my opinion is a bit late to learn about inescapable horrors happening to your body. Especially if you have mental health or physical issues.
Load More Replies... If there was no such thing as "parenthood", there would be no point in being "progressive". True, Earth would be better off without humans thanks to what we have done to her, but there is no point in calling people selfish for creating those who can continue with progression if progression matters that much to you. You not wanting children is absolutely fine and your choice but calling other people selfish for having them is not ok at all. I respect your opinion and you are entitled to it but next time can you state that it is your opinion and not display it as a fact?
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Aw, diddums. Is his widdle feewings hurt because women want to share experiences that don't affect men?
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And despite all these problems it is almost impossible to be a childfree woman. Nobody respects you and sometimes they even prioritise your fertility over your health. I was denied three times a hysterectomy that I need for medical reasons "in case that I change my mind". My hypothetical children have more rights then me.
Ugh. That is incredibly awful. Not even in the same ballpark (as it wasn’t for medical reasons) but after my second c section I was told I was too young (22) for a tubal and we “might change [our] minds” (husband was 21). 15 years later, still two kids and definitely did not “change our minds” 🙄
Load More Replies... I regret reading this now..... at least it has enabled me to appreciate what pregnant women go through a bit more.
Think of the mothers you know. Are they fine? Are they healthy women? Pregnancy and birth last such a short time compared to a life time with your kids. If you don't want kids, fine. But if you do, don't let the physical challenges deter you from having one.
Load More Replies... PLEASE add this to the upper list... pregnancy can cause your retina to detach! I started seeing "bugs" flying in front of my face. Once we figured out they weren't really there I called the eye doctor and he told me to come in IMMEDIATELY. It turned out well for me, but if you're pregnant and start having visual hallucinations (flashes of light, dark spots) call your eye doctor RIGHT AWAY so they can intervene.
I wish someone would've told me that your hormones pass through your baby and if you happen to be having a girl there's a good chance that there will be some rubber cement looking s**t coming out of your brand new babie's vagina. That was a fun heart attack a couple of hours after birth when I changed my first babie's diaper for the first time. You would think they would put that in the books and birthing classes. SMH.
I am sooo happy you shared this. That's some nightmare stuff right there if you don't know this.
Load More Replies... There are myriad reasons why I never ever want children. Ever since I was maybe six, I said that I don't want kids. Of course, people told me that I'll change my mind. 25 years later, I still haven't changed my mind. I'm at the age when my mother had me!
Same here. I am still waiting for the 'biological clock' to start, but i am perfectly happy like this. And one more thing: i think we are both taking parenthood very seriously, and wouldn't have kids just to 'see how it feels'. It's not something you do because baby clothes are cute, it's something that has to come from you. I am well past the age when my mom had me (and my brother) and she actually never really wanted kids. And so didn't my grandmother. I am obviously the first to break the chain of having babies because i am expected to and i am kind of proud.
Load More Replies... Oh great now I'm terrified of having a baby. My husband and I have been talking about it, and he really wants to be a father, but I'm scared.
Don’t let fear get in your way if you want children. Most mothers are glad to have kids and go on to have more. Think of the women with kids in your life. I’m sure you know happy, healthy women who have been pregnant.
Load More Replies... I guess that not one of us would be here now if our moms read this :D
I think many women chose to be pregnant despite all of the ways it impacts their body. I also think it is important that women know this stuff beforehand.
Load More Replies... I have a nice one, too: after my first birth, which lasted for 36 hours, was excruciatingly painful and resulted in a 5 kg giant baby, I felt like under shock. But I was also kind of high. The first weeks after, I felt like in a dream, thinking, "I must be Superwoman! If I could survive this, nothing can harm me, and I will never be afraid of anything ever again!" ☺️ It's a pity this feeling didn't last, but it's nice to think of it.
We need to stop romanticizing pregnancy and childbirth, and start being honest about them.
I lost one baby after 4.5 months, and then a week later my milk came in. I had to take a drug to stop it. During one c section, the one thing that I wasn't expecting was that my breath would change because the abdomen was cut open below my muscles that make me breath. When I remarked about it, they thought I was panicking, and they knocked me out. With one pregnancy, they did 3 cerclages, I lost that little girl an hour after she was born, after total hospitalized bed rest 3 weeks. I had another son after total bedrest, hospital 5 months and another cerclage. I've been pregnant 4 times, I have 2 living children. And I'd do it again for them.
i just read all these and they all right! i had fout kids all diff pregnancy first child the doctor let me rip and left me with third degree lasceration i couldnt move for days.
I want someone to invent a "uterine replicater" fertilized egg is placed inside and hatched in 9 months. Women's bodies would not be damaged, kid would not be damaged, and life would be better.
I always think it's interesting when anyone dismisses pregnancy as normal and says that women have been having babies since the dawn of mankind. Women have been dying in childbirth, having miscarriages, and stillbirths. They have been suffering from all sorts of physical and hormonal issues without support for the most part. I had a really dicey delivery of our first child. She and I almost died and I remember the OB said, "that's why the wagon trails across the US are dotted with the graves of mothers and babies". Was it worth it? Would I do it again? Yep. In a heartbeat. But I also realize being a mom is not for everyone.
I actually feel like this is all fairly common knowledge -to anyone who bothers picking up a pregnancy book- and is readily available to anyone. As soon as I got pregnant, all of these things were instantly brought up as soon as I got all those pregnancy books ...and joined a mom board. Pregnancy is no joke and filled with uncertainty for yourself and your newly forming child. Doing the research certainly gave me the peace of mind and forewarning about what I should expect and what possibilities I should prepare for. A lot (but not all) of these posts are exceptions to the rule.
The point is that you still didn't know until you were actively pregnant, which in my opinion is a bit late to learn about inescapable horrors happening to your body. Especially if you have mental health or physical issues.
Load More Replies... If there was no such thing as "parenthood", there would be no point in being "progressive". True, Earth would be better off without humans thanks to what we have done to her, but there is no point in calling people selfish for creating those who can continue with progression if progression matters that much to you. You not wanting children is absolutely fine and your choice but calling other people selfish for having them is not ok at all. I respect your opinion and you are entitled to it but next time can you state that it is your opinion and not display it as a fact?
Load More Replies... Aw, diddums. Is his widdle feewings hurt because women want to share experiences that don't affect men?
Load More Replies...